Wednesday, 19 November 2014

Lock in Wednesdee

Wonka here.  It is the continuing story of the poor handle on the front bedroom door.  Which is now Tinker's en suite.  it is even more en suite because Owner who hasn't got enough to do and has to use her lunch break to fit in more shopping - whipped to PETS ARE US and purchased several more items.  One such was another luxury litter tray.  Is it for you Wonka all shout out as one.  NOT A BIT OF IT!  When Owner returned at least I thought I could just make her out behind a huge plastic thing and several bags staggering across the motorway that is our street - and when she fell in through the front door (which opens and shuts) with it all, she measures it up against my one and says this: (quote) YOU NEED THE BIGGEST ONE Wonka..... which is the old one, which means Tinkers the usurper (I am feeling mean) gets the new one.  And a new catnip mousey, and a fish thing.  Alright I have a fish thing too but I am put out.  I am still in recovery from yesterday's FRACAS (Owner says this is a good use of word for our spat and I like it) and need lots and lots of attention.  We all do.  And I love it.

Early lock in lock out cartoon para.   OOOOHHH what is that then you all gasp up!  we need a new home is Owner's latest refrain and it will look something like this.....  a big kitchen, a nice bathroom, a good back garden and a FRONT (with space for the car with no name) and three bedrooms, AND she goes A STUDY.  AND a conservatory for Ruggles.  YES we have put in a request to the wishing well.  it is working overtime on all Owner's dreams and wishes and hopes and......I love it!! x

Lock in para.  What is this lock in then you all wonder up?  How Owner did not have her bkfhdnvteenth breakdown I do not know.  someone up there is helping her out I dare say, because just before lights out last night does she say to anyone who is listening and luckily I heard her....I AM JUST GOING TO PUT THE LAMP OUT in Tinker's en suite.  In she pops, bearing in mind the door is now secured by a wadge of paper (the Guardian to be precise, Owner tried The Times because her paper had been sold out and said it was like reading a comic.  yes) - and somehow she shut the door and the little metal thing that was not working before but maybe being hit by a hammer did the trick, well it shut itself.  SO WHAT our one reader shrieks out, well the point is, it just stuck there and no amount of turning the handle shifted it,  So Owner was in danger of being LOCKED IN.  I could hear mutterings and such like, even from the safety of the Narnia Cupboard and I did think good folks out there if all else failed I could pop a wish into the wishing well seeing as I am close to it now.  Next thing she bursts out of the door holding a fork.  This fork has saved Owner.  it is the best cat fork in the entire wold and must always stay in the room in case it happens again.  I USED IT TO PRISE OPEN THE DOOR she says when she got out.  You couldn't make it up and I'm not going to.  along with not mentioning the car insurance, that horrid paperwork and evidence to support that Owner is not an imposter being Owner but really Owner, and finally the submission that may be rejected any day now.  Luckily and I thank the God of submissions for this, it was not today. I love it.

Final locked in para.  I've had a horrid day goes Owner to round it all off.  OH YES I says, it being dead on tea time.  Will it be alright I ventured up?  I HAVE SEEN THE HEAD about it she reports.  Oh well I thought, it is all over bar the shouting then......  our best news of the day is that Owner's hair continues to look alright.  This more than anything is saving her right now from going onto funny setting.  Today she has learnt about the Tudors, cones and triangular pyramids, and her best fave of all time A Christmas Carol.  it's not all doom and gloom I says up but she didn't hear me above cleaning out my old and best luxury tray.  Tonight we must watch Corrie and the further demise of Steve and his partner who we cannot just now recall her name.  Dev is betwixt two women and Tim is now back in Sally's good books.  then there is Masterchef the professionals.  We are still in love with the new personality transplant of Mr Marcus Wareing and then folks it will be lights out and go steady on the door locks!!  Bertie Bubb slept upstairs all night long and Ruggles stopped out.  Me?  thanks for asking, I sleep where I like when I like!  Now do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x