Wednesday, 6 January 2016

What Diet?!

There is the poverty stricken diet, there is the health conscious diet, there is famous see food and eat it diet - but is there a Bertie Bubb diet???  THERE IS NOW folks.

WHAT IS IT you all mumble to me on this dark and rain soaked morn.

It consists of Owner carefully measuring out his biscuits in this plastic container with a marker on it.  TO TELL me when to stop, she droned to me.  Then, she carefully gives him a bit of best and very expensive Sheba - I HAVE CUT BACK she tells me up, and then, she adds some dreamies to his portion.  This folks, is Bertie Bubb's special diet.  Is he alright on it, you all want to know as one.
HE KNOWS NO DIFFERENT as far as I can tell.  I have sniffed at his biscuits and looked in at him with the usual anti social response.x
There we are! I am on a sort of a diet where Owner tries to cut my portions down and fails. ALRIGHT Wonka she goes when I roll over and show off my best furry tummy. and yes, it is a good round tummy. We all need ballast folks for when times get rough.  Now Ruggles you all wonder up, what of him? He must not go on a strict diet, she declares to me.  WHY is that I said full of jealousy but then quickly going back to my usual benign and caring self.
HE HAS HAD A HARD GO of it Wonka.  personally, I could apply this to myself, what with having to accommodate (Need a lie down now) Owner's mood setting from zero to ten in minus T seconds......... but there we are folks! Is Owner on a diet you all finally quiz up?  The same kind as us.  It varies depending on (list)
1.  the weather (so dreary we need more biscuits)
2.  It is January (too terrible to talk on. more food needed)
3. Being on the scrap heap(best not to mention and have another choc lime Owner.x)
There are more but...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz OH!!!
Now last night we clung onto Enders and it is no use, Staceee has taken over from Carol in the annoyance stakes.  Owner cannot stand it much longer expecially now there is a real (is it real?) babee strapped onto her PLUS like the entire cast of Enders she has inherited a long lost sibling. next we clung to Holbee and the culmination (blimey.) of a simmering love affair. It had all the passion of open heart surgery droned Owner to me, and waking me up I have to say.  tonight there is Dickensian with or without bullseye and Corrie.  That folks is enough said. X
If you are on a diet, I am saying stop it now and just enjoy yourself for the whole day. I fully intend to do this but I cannot speak for Owner (X). As per, big Love Wonka X