Saturday, 8 April 2017

Bertie is Bertrude!

What is this Wonka?  is it some new Shakespearean (gulp.x) Twist?  I get what you are saying folks, you mean like a laddess masquerading (more gulp.x) as a lad and wotnot causing all kinds of mischief and mayhem.  MAIS NON!  I mean a simple and silly mistake made by.......................(roll on drums leading up to a giant crescendo) A VET.

Not, I hasten to add, our newbie Vet who has been very  patient with Owner in advising her to feed Bertie (when she was Bertie) a lot less AND encourage some gentle exercise.

'I HAVE NEVER -' droned Owner to the nice newbie Vet ' HAD SUCH an inert cat.  At this juncture (OOH all this nice new words.x) The Vet told Owner that Bertie was a girl.  all tortoiseshell cats are girls with about one in a million being a lad. OH said Owner. 

Here we are!!  And the reason Bertrude was at the vets in the first place is she has a poorly PAW.  The good Vet went round ALL Bertrude's claws and clipped them.  Owner, (who must not feel guilty. I know.X) clung onto Bertie who is now Bertrude and tried to console him/her.  Meanwhile the good Vet made lots of jokes like:  you will need to give her one of these tablets SIX times a day.  OH YES says Owner still reeling from the news that Bertie is not a boy Bubster anymore and thinking things like (shall I call her Bertrude or Bertina or Bertice or.....X) - Only Joking! goes the Vet.  And gives Bertrude the usual 2 week antibiotic PLUS painkiller (more guilt for Owner.X) at the usual very expensive cost.X 

Here we are!   We have settled on Bertrude as Owner thinks this will least upset the Bubster.  ME? thanks for asking AND if Owner had bothered to consult me I would have said a good two years ago or is it three, that Bertie was a girl.  That is why she has constantly and relentlessly hissed and been ultra unfriendly.  Ruggles on the other paw, is consistently and relentlessly growling at me because he sees me as a threat. I know! X

Now that rather took over the week folks, that and Owner's cold. She has blamed the cold for all her mistakes and being nasty to other motorists (mostly the motorists, although I think ordinary people might have got on Owner's nerve.X) and for driving like a maniac.  Had you considered Owner, I says from my secret hidey up in the crows nest and possibly not heard even by the other things that live up there (in the loft there is the gentle sound of pigeons cooing which I do rather like.x) yes I goes, have you considered it might be your short temper getting the best of you Owner??

Luckily Owner was too busy blowing her nose to hear me and may have been shouting at the telly which would surely drown out any sound.X  there has been a lot to shout at in Corrie (don ken has been struck over the head and our munney is on that mad woman yes I can say that she is really off her nut, who has settled on Peetah the reborn again alcoholic as the one to stalk) and Enders where Bex and Meechelle have fallen out and fallen in and Shazzer has her work cut out remaining Bessie mates.  Where is Fil? I hear you all shout up, finally woken up our of your Satdee trances.  All we know is, he is on 'oliday.' End of.X

In our political news slot, things are much the same.  Tresa May keeps jet setting off supposedly to say how fab our little ol country is and why don't they trade with it - and all this whilst NOT wearing an on trend headscarf.  Donwald the Trump continues to contradict himself right right and right as he offers to help the very people he doesn't want to help and americy stands by puzzled. As for Jezzer he continues to talk up the policies that will never see daylight.X Owner says I have gone very political this year and I said so have you.XX

Finally it is the Easter Break and this is not a moment too soon.  Owner has a trillion projects to be bashing on with and the new outback is top of the list.  It will be top of the list when the handyman replies to at least one of Owner's messages to ask nicely (fairly nicely) when he might be putting the fence up that will KEEP RUGGLES secure in the new yard.  Ruggles has given Owner many a plaintive look and she is really guilty about this. For a change.X

Now folks, do rush out and enjoy this sunny filled weekend even if me and Ruggles are confined to barracks (Bertrude is a happy prisoner as you know.X) according to all the good forecasts, the weather will change the second you start your proper hols on Mundee.  So hold off with the central heating! hold off with the new gardening furniture!  Get a good stock of films and sweets instead.  We love it!  Big Love Wonka X