Easter Up!

Halloah good folks all shivering in the usual freezing weather that simply WILL NOT SHIFT!  Me? thanks for asking, tucked up against my searing hot rad and refusing to go outback even it does mean passing up an opportunity to chase Ruggles!! None of us think it is Spring-like except Owner -there are signs of growth Wonka! she tells me up when she takes off her three coats scarves and gloves from putting the rubbish out.  It turns out that despite the frost and snow and ice and PERSISTENT rain - flowers are growing.  There is a solitary daff, there are some of those nice narcissus thingies AND a primrose. I know. X

 

There we are!  Even the old rose is sporting some greenery, and the climbing rose too.  We love it! (and so do those pesky pigeons.X)

 

 

You will recall folks, that last weekend Owner was busy uploading a new #Duffel story for ALL TO ENJOY? and then folks, those checkers and editors who hide away in tiny rooms OR even working from their homes - returned it back to Owner FIVE times saying daft things like PARAGRAPHS are not aligned or they are or some strange editing talk - I did think Owner would give in BUT NON!! Instead, round about the fifth edit, Owner sent a little note to their good customer help. THEN WHAT Wonka you all shout at me desperate to hear a happy ending.  THEN folks she got a nice helpful reply AND #DuffeldoestheMet has made it into their Premium Catalogue!! BUT WONka you all continue to pester me and say: Is any one reading it Wonka?  Not many.  So do please spread the word - it is a FAB short story and I am sharing it on here forthwith!! X

 

Now I have linked and shared and widgeted and who knows it may even be on here for you!! In the meantime here is that hound dog of hound dogs, Anubis who stars in the story! X

 

 

There he is!! He was from the first dynasty and is the Protector of the dead souls.  You can see him in the famous Metropolitan Museum of Art folks along with many other ancient wonders... (sorry Owner!only joking!! X) smashwords.com

 

 

Now some of you are celebrating your Easters and others are celebrating something else like a passover and there may well be other little ceremonies too.  Me? I embrace all of it folks, but I do like a nice film and blow me down if The Robe wasn't on yesterday and we all clung to that nicely.  There was the Roman side and there was Jesus's side and even some Greeks and wotnot thrown in.  Richard Burton headed up the Roman side and Victor Mature who was a giant Greek slave ended up a disciple and the rest as they say, is history.  I tried to get Ruggles interested but he insisted on settling down on his hairy furry blanket right up against his searing hot rad.  Today we are clinging to Casualtee (there has been a car crash and no doubt Nursey Charlie will advise and save all - in keeping with the Easter story really) and there is the Voice but do they keep voting IN the ones that Owner says should be voted OUT.  There is Troy but Owner has not warmed to the Trojans specially not Helen and is siding with the Greeks.  I mean. X

 

 

In the pollytical world Tresa Grey is mounting a pilgrimage round the UK to apologise to all about the lying and scheming of her fellows that dare to call themselves our representatives and says she will cooperate instead with us (the people and felines oh alright everything else) AND jezzer and Vinnie and those Greens and deliver up a government for ALL the people not the FEW.  Oh alright that is just a dream, a bit of fakery and ahead of tomorrow folks an April Fool.  Vinnie is out there somewhere and Jezzer has risen from the latest scandal OR is tending to his allotment.X

 

Owner has been so busy writing stories and involving herself with Art fairs she has not considered a job. I'LL THINK ABOUT IT WHEN I COME BACK FROM Amsterdam she droned to me.  Personally folks I think it should be TOP of her list not half way down it.  I can only hope those food banks remember us felines need feeding too...................WHEN IS SHE GOING Wonka you all mutter to me glued to your Netflix and amazon and wotsits - Soon folks soon.  I have seen some packing EVEN though it is not a suitcase I can tell there is something happening AND I expect to be spoilt rotten by my Auntie Paula.  End of.X 

 

In Corrie, our fave nasty, Feelan was last seen falling into the sea with Eileen at last seeing the light or was it the lighthouse and shouting LIAR to him as she stamped on his grasping hands....Evah has still not revealed to AAAAAden she is having his babe and no one PERSONNE has noticed she has a cushion up her dress.  In Enders Staycee is still playing every single part and no one else is having a look in.  KAT has returned along with a few other stragglers but they are just bit parts.  I GIVE UP shouted Owner.X

 

 

Folks we are full steam ahead for April and can only hope the sun makes more of an appearance as Owner is SICK OF MY WINTER Wardrobe Wonka!  I did suggest folks, that before she flings it a) (LIST ALERT!!) all in the bin b) all in a bag to give away or c) hangs it over the banister for a year or two TO give it a bit longer in the wardrobe.  Wonka! WHAT? Owner hates wardrobes and does not have one................WELL alright but in that cupboard that pretends to be one then.XX

 

You will all want to know that the minute Owner droned to the aged parent that Ruggles no longer scrits in his ears and makes that gargling noise did he do just that. RUGGLES! she went to him.  Alright it was just the once.  Bertie bubb is fine and will not notice who is feeding her we think.  I shall supervise her anyway so not to worry Owner!!X

 

Have a furry purry start to April folks, go steady on the chocolate AND you other felines and canines stay off it altogether.  On second thoughts treat yourself silly!!! big Love Wonka X

 

 





 

 

 





New Story!!

Folks this is your heads up for the new story on smashwords.com
Duffel does the Met!!

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/807262


Do give it a whirl and treat yourself to a big smile as you go the Met with Duffel and Sam.XX

 

Til next time!  Big Love Wonka X

British Summertime!!

IT NEVER IS WONKA! I'm telling you it's true and all our pesky clocks go FOWARD by one hour tonight I mean Sundee morning BUT, if Owner remembers we will do the rounds tonight. The worst one Wonka, she droned to me, is the timer thingy computerised thingy for the heating.  Folks, I am already prepared for the heating to GO OFF at the wrong time and GO ON at silly o'clock.X

 

 

There we are!! facing up to it.  YOU CAN DO IT Owner I says.X

 

What else can we moan about I mean tell you?  Still no job on the horizon for Owner BUT she is on about making a fortune with her art work.  I only hope you are right I said from well behind the kitchen door and I did say it in a whisper...............  One thing she has done and I am so proud to report it - our new #Duffel story is finished! and unless Owner tweaks it for no good reason it will be popped onto smashwords.com tomorrow folks!  it is called Duffel does the Met which is of course the world famous Metropolitan Museum of Art in #newyork !! X

 



 

 

There it is!! The new cover, with Duffel and Sam on the front folks.  do keep an eye out for it and I will post on here when it is ready - in time for Easter too - well done Owner! X

 

 

In the silly old billy old world of pollytics Tresa Grey continues to smile and nod and little else and Jezzer looks over the fence of his allotment to sack a few spuds I mean fellow MPs.  this time it was good Owen Smith who owner went to see a couple of years' ago when he competed against jezzer to lead the party.  IF ONLY says Owner, the voters had seen sense but really thanks to the momentarily lot, Owen lost..which is why we cling to Vinnie! It is all pretty hopeless and even facebook (I warned Owner not to join.  I know I have my own page BUT I guard it with a sharp claw.X) has been dishing out everyone's info willy nilly. The world gone madder than mad folks.X

 

It's a short round up of the weekly news folks because I have my tea waiting and that folks, is more important than anything especially since my diet and name calling like TEA COSY and SIDE OF A HOUSE etc.  Owner has only gone and found a new hairdresser that (drum roll) cut her hair perfectly.  She hasn't suggested dying it sky blue pink. growing it so she can put two tons of unnecessary and non flattering high or low lights in it NO. NON she simply cut it and cut it perfectly. Blow me down the stairs I says when owner fell back in.  It is called Super Cuts and folks - that is the right name. X

 

Ruggles has had a spot on treatment for his ear mites AND to date it is working.  He refused to get in the carrier and Owner rolled up to the Vets without him.  HE WOULDNT get in the carrier she droned to them.  I know - ME? I trot in like a King.  Bertie? just shoves in and makes a tiny fuss and then nothing.  I know.X

 

We have been bewitched with a new programme called Pilgrimage and has a sprinkling of celebs all marching to Santiago and questioning their faith (what faith) on the way.  Even Kate bottom thingy who is a Priest is questioning whether there is a God or not.  HONESTLY moaned Owner to no one really. ME? of course I believe in God and that - I often send up a prayer and our hero St Francis he is the tops.  In Corrie it has all gone daffy duck and mixed up David won't talk about his horrid incident and Carling Black eyebrows is getting everyone drunk on her new kidney and then whisking then off to bed however old they are.  I mean. Enders has outdone itself and Owner managed not to watch it.  Shazzer has either put on weight or put on weight and Staycee has taken over all the characters -there is no room for anyone else droned Owner.  We are looking forward to the Voice even though the ones we like are not through.  DO WE HAVE A FAVE?  not this year.  Casualtee may yet win us over.XX

 

Now folks, do have a good week not forgetting it has good fridee in it. Toss a coin if you need to make a decision it will be just as good as if you spent hours thinking it over AND keep you furry fur all fluffed up as you never know who you might bump into.  Big Love Wonka X 

 

 



In the Deep Midwinter!

WILL IT EVER STOP SNOWING AND BEING COLD Wonka? you all mumble from deep within your duvets and throws and rugs. for what it is worth folks, here is my prediction based on Owner's short break away at the begin of April.  I predict a ray of sunshine round about that time folks, because whatever else Owner is lucky with she is LUCKY IN WEATHER.  You will recall her sudden (I thought it was X) jaunt to New York New York last Feb?? Gorgeous weather, sun sun and more sun.  Blue skies to dream of and nary a drop of rain never mind wind or cold.Ah X

 

There we are!! Owner came back with so much New York attitude she passed some over to me.XX

 

 

Has your week been topsy turvy like ours? Owner says no end of double dealing has been going on in the pollytical world with Russians all to do with it.  Either by not doing something, OR by doing something.  What else? Owner has sent off another TWO submissions to a nice literary agent who may or MAYNOT like them.  On a more motivational note (get me X) Owner has finally written something and it is the fourth yes fourth #Duffel story to be set in............................New York!!  she has promised to try and self publish it on smashwords.com for Easter folks and if anyone can do this IT IS MY BEST OWNER.

 

In brighter news, and on the subject of travel Owner has started making lists and daughter has joined in, helpfully asking her to bring all these things that surely will weigh

Owner down and take up all the room in her best wheely suitcase.  WILL YOU MANAGE I went to her..... I WILL MANAGE Wonka she droned back to me.X



 

There it is!  The beauty little blue bag that went all round New York New York and will soon be poppin round Amsterdam and Eindhoven too!!X

 

In other lesser and lesser excitinger news, that funny old consultant, the one who thought Owner was asleep at 8 in the morning (well not THAT morning anyhow X) rang up and left a little old message warning Owner, that if she wanted the opportunity to slave away at a primary skool on Mundee and Tuesdee morning, SHE MUST RING HER BAK IN 5 MINS.  Happily, Owner disregarded that golden opportunity, saying things like - Wonka, I can do better than that!  I only hope Owner, I whispered from deep in my new hidey, we won't starve thanks to your new happy go lucky attitude.....X

 

As we said in the silly old house of commons, Tresa Grey has been rattling on with her pointy fingers at Russia and Jezzer has been sitting on his hedge or fence down at the allotment, urging for caution.  We can only hope he hasn't got power of attorney for any of his ageds as they will be waiting a long time for his decision.  Vinnie stood up somewhere and made a speech about the EEEWE.We still love him, and he is our only chance of saving the desperate state of it all.  Nicola who is up in sconny botland is still piping up about an independent Scotland, and who can blame her really? I only hope Owner returns from the Netherlands without wanting to upstix! XX

 

On the good old telly we have found a new programme and we love it.  CALLED WONKA? You all want to know, having got up from your duvets and even thinking of popping to the shops for more supplies before the next snowfall - called Pilgrimage.  it is a bunch of and I use this description loosely folks - celebrities.  DO YOU RECOGNISE any of them Wonka you all shout at me to know.  ONLY Debbie McGee folks, who as you know we loved in Strictly.  There is a moany old Priest called Kate, a bloke called Neil and a few others.  They are all moaning bar Debbie.  And all bound for Santiago in Spain BUT walking on a set route!! Enders has got rid of one boring person (AAADEN) to bring on another, AND had this one attach itself to that family that Owner likes. it can only go downhill now - and in Corrie a dark storyline has risen up, it is silly old Fiz and she is lying to Tyrone who had a tiny drunken fling with our fave Gemma. Ditch Fiz! shouts Owner at every given opportunity.  and in place of Feelan we have a new nasty and he has been horrid to David! But will David report it.....tonight we must decide Casualtee OR the voice.  Owner is insisting on some entertainment but they both fit that bill - tomorrow folks, the Durrells springs back BUT there is another drama on one.  More pesky dilemmas. We love it.XX

 

This morning folks, I was having my usual morning nap which more or less follows seemlessly from getting up and having a small breakfast, anyway, I was ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ and then  hear Owner shouting, so I look out the window and she is alone!  Was it a soliloquy (blimey I have surpassed myself) you all wonder up - NO, she was ranting on about the GREEN BIN. Those neighbours, instead of being neighbourly are at it again, being selfish and unhelpful and (wait for it) leaving Owner's green bin ALL BY ITSELF out on the street, whilst fetching all the others in.  I know.  And, I sort of forgive Owner for her rant to herself too.  (she goes ' THAT SAYS FAR MORE ABOUT YOU, YOU PETTY PERSON, THAN ME!!').

 

Now of course, Owner is over that and it is forgotten (ish).  And, in the spirit of forgiveness folks, I, YES I Wonka, forgive that huge baby gull for giving me a fright by coming down the chimney and popping out into the small space of the upstairs sitting room. Owner was braver than brave and got it outside in my best cat basket.  Ruggles would have slumbered through it and Bertrude knew nothing DE RIEN as per.  Owner spied out of the kitchen window into the dark little outback (It descended at ten at night.  I mean. x) and it got out of the basket and flapped up onto the fence.  We all said a prayer of thanks to St Francis and whoever is God of Gulls and had a good night's sleep.X

 

Next Week can only improve on this one folks, and I beg you to all have A FAB ONE!  Book that holidee, have that dream, buy that thing, read that book and watch that film!! Big Love Wonka X 

 

 

 

 

Holiday!

Wonka who is going on holidee?  OWNER has thrown caution to the winds and booked herself on the Eurostar folks.  WHERE TO? you all shout at me really interested for a change.  TO AMSTERDAM that's where to.  The city of canals and wotnot.  BUT listen up folks, it is merely a stop off EN ROUTE to visit daughter and grandson who are ensconced near to Eindhoven.
WE ARE NONE THE WISER Wonka! you all screech at me now...and that folks is why Owner will bring you news and info and photees once she has been, to enlighten you all and put that ignorance right!!

 

 

There they are! Owner and me alright and Ruggles and Bertrude saying cherio last October so it is high time she checked it out.  ME? thanks for asking, I will be looked after by my best cat sitter who is Paula and we all love her.  She has been looking after ME and the others for nearly five lovely years and no one PERSONNE looks after us like she does.X

 

So that little holidee is booked and I can stand easy now Owner has navigated herself round a thousand alright a fair few websites scrutinising (get me. word.x) prices and tapping in dates.  Luckily I had just had a little snackerooni and was pressed up to a searing hot rad, so all her mutterings and whimperings went right over my hot little furry head!She will not head off for a few more weeks and I spose I will have to advise on packing. (things like, YOU WON'T WEAR THAT and NOT THAT AGAIN YOU DIDN'T WEAR IT LAST TIME.) end of.X

 

I cannot stave off telling you any longer.  NO Owner was NOT snapped up by the nice college AND had a little firm word with the nice consultant who put her forward.  I happened to be listening in on the conversation folks, which took a snippy turn when the consultant made a comment about ringing Owner up at the crack of dawn (it was just past 8 am folks.x) when she would 'probably be asleep.' quote unquote folks.  YES, the air around Owner's head went electric and I thought for a moment there was some ice, but it was in Owner's voice not the air................ naturally Owner droned for some time all about her morning itinerary (word.x) forcing said consultant to listen.  Back to the drawing board we go and I have said several prayers to the God of Employment and any nice literary agents too.  NO, she has not heard back from anyone BUT is to submit another story to a new agent.  I have every faith folks, that there is someone out there who will like our stories. X

 

 

 



 

There we are!!  some of our beloved stories and I do believe Owner is going to try one of the Conversations with Wonka stories too, for a submission.  I LOVE THEM she droned to me, and folks, SO DO I xxxx

 



Nothing new has happened in pollytics and Brexit pudding is a rhubarb short of a crumble but we all knew that.  it is a conspiracy says Owner, by a few conniving rich magnates.  The ordinary people have been hoodwinked yet again......  donwald the trump is hard at it on the golf course and in his spare time has raised a few tariffs and sorted a few meetings.  Jezzer continues to be a giant disappointment and Owner says given enough time will lose the silly fanvoters he had clinging to him.  Vinnie may or may not be doing something but if he is we don't hear of it.X

We have loved every second of Call the Midwife and had our hankies out big time last Sundee as poor Barbara had a full on death bed scene. OH NO sobs Owner, and an even bigger OH NO as it is the last in the series this Sundee.  Enders had Owner shouting up and saying things like HOW BORING is this storyline AND when will AAAAden go away. folks someone was listening as he was sighted near the tube.  Now it is just Staycee to get a one way ticket says Owner rubbing her hands and cheering right up. In  Corrie Mr Feelan has wriggled out of a concrete mix, and wriggled out of a giant confession overheard by his adoring wifey Eileen. And folks did she forgive him?  Does Ruggles love a drink out of the dank water in Sam's water bowl in the little outback?? Does Bertrude live under the bed like a troll?? OF COURSE she forgave him......xx

Now next week folks I am going to help Owner send off the submission with a furry purry cover note and big kisses for luck.  If you have a dream to chase folks, they put all your weight behind it!! (YES I know I have plenty of that despite Owner's best efforts to shame me and starve me.....'giant tea cosy!').  Have a tremendous and fun week folks..Big Love Wonka X

IT Snowed x

DID IT SNOW WHERE YOU ARE WONKA?

YUS. x

Is it still there?  OH YUS.

Despite the snow, the freezing wind. the ice under the snow, the HOWLING wind in the night, Owner has still been going to the shops AND more importantly, trying to secure a job.  I know.

 

 

There we are admiring it from within!  And goodness knows we are keeping British Gas in profits for the rest of the year Owner reckons.  WE MUST KEEP WARM she droned.  ME? thanks for asking, I am Toasty!! As is Ruggles (stuck up to the study rad) and Bertrude nesting by the searing hot rad in my best nest up aloft. alright it is Owner's bedroom. I mean. X

 

 

Has Owner secured a job to keep me and them in biscuits with the odd pouch thrown in?  No phone call as yet folks.  Owner has nearly finished her post interview analysis (never good folks and I just try to whisper life affirming comments from behind doors and such like.X) and is moving towards next week with a philosophical face on. IT'S IF THEY LIKE ME OR NOT, she moaned to me, and I did say a few flattering and positive things it being smack on my tea time....(like: with that answer! with that hair! with that suit jacket!! X). 

 

 

Back in the confusing world of pollytics, Tresa Grey delivered a long and meaningless speech all about the five a day for a full brexit or something fairly meaningless like it.  Owner took to the odd bit of shouting saying things like THAT's ENOUGH OF THAT and such like and we ended up watching 'Civilisations' on iplayer to remind us (said Owner) that there were some.  jezzer made a few standard comments possibly from his shed on the allotment and Vinnie as per said de rien.X

 

 

We are clinging to the Collaterol or faldiroll or that thing with John simm and Billy Pipah in it.  Owner is not keen and I did say why are we watching it then but then she pressed pause and we weren't.  Tonight is our last go with all Together Now and Owner's crush that is Rob Beckitt.  We have watched the Horse Whisperer this aft and owner reckons he is an entertainment whisperer.  I LOVE HIM she goes to me. it is all to play for tonight and the usual dilemma of do we watch Casualtee or the Voice and due to Dylan starring in it with or without a whiskey bottle I think it must be Casualtee.  In Corrie Eileen is throwing a party for Feelan as no one PERSONNE loves him.  That will be to do with his murderous streak BUT he has revealed a softer side for Summah now Billy has gone down the drug plughole.  Enders has been all about AAAAAAden who Owner hates only slightly less than Staycee. it is not therefore looking good unless that nice new family is in it OR Masoooooood who is funny.X

 



The other big news of the week is the birds.  WHAT BOUT THEM WONKA? you know how much I love them folks but Owner loves them even more and has been feeding them twice and three times a day. incase they all fall off their perches with frostbite.  mostly folks it is the pigeons BUT they are joined by the sparrows AND now (drum roll) there is a blackbird.  I especially like them.  yes.

is there a fly in the ointment though (I do not care if that is a mixed metaphor thingy wotsit)?? yes there is, as a neighbour says to Owner he is worried about rats.  RATS? says Owner looking round.  the sprinkle of birdseed not pounced on by the birds may attract them it seems.  HAVE YOU THOUGHT OF A FEEDER he says.  I mean Owner can appear a bit simple sometimes but luckily she bypassed this stupid comment and replied that she was quite happy with the top of the wall.  Why can't I have the kind of neighbours that help you? she whined to me when she had finished sweeping up the spare seed and banging the ice with a trowel.  CAREFUL I shouted from behind the kitchen window. I know.X

 

Next week folks could reveal our fortunes and I am more or less prepared for downright disaster or outright success. I am forever on this pendulum with Owner and can adjust in micro seconds to a changing mood setting.  PLUS there is a bunch of chocolate and a fresh DVD.  sorted folks sorted.X

 

Have the week of your wildest dreams, wrap up and wrap up again, and keep those eyes on the prize!! Big Love Wonka X