Saturday 28 April 2018

All about Louis!

LOUIS Arthur Charles, is the new Royal babe folks and we love it! X
 
There we are!! Owner's little cartoon tribute to the newbie. Born on St George's day too AND on a Mundee.  And Owner says: 'Monday's child is fair of face.' End of.XX
 
I've come out of that bold folks as it is reserved for Royal announcements of which there will be more and more as Harry and Meghan tie the knot in 3 weeks. YES there will be a full report folks and Owner is already planning a tv fest to support it. I MAY WATCH IT ALL WITH THE AGED she droned to me.  personally I think she will watch it there here and more here.  In fact folks I am fully prepared for a big overdose of royal wotnots.  And I can think of worse things to overdose on.  BUT I will not mention.X
 
This household thinks that Tresa Grey is going to hide behind the wedding preparations hoping that no one PERSONNE will notice she is a rubbish PM with a even more rubbisher home sec.  That is (or was) Amber Rudd who is on Red actually. All calls for her to resign (the entire country and some of the pollyticians) have been pushed to one side as she is VERY SORRY.  Not as Sorry as we are! shouted Owner at the telly.  And folks, not quite as sorry as Tresa Grey either.  although perhaps they are having a merger on sorries, a bit like Sainsbees and Asda are.  Jezzer is doing as well as can be expected for the leader of the opposition party (Labour folks) that is knifing itself in the back fairly constantly interspersed (need a lie down now.X) with the odd cries for his resignation. Vinnie pipes up now and then and the others are whispering somewhere.  In other lesser news Donwald the Trump is tootling over to our tiny isle in July.  I know. I know.X
 
Snooker has dominated on the telly.  It goes on at 10 am and stays on.  Ronnie who is the god of Snook in this household is still in with a shout OR still in with a shot.  Just the click of the balls, the murmur of the commentators and the clapping.  In Enders Owner has worn herself out with non constructive criticism.  NOT YOU AGAIN she shrieks whenever Staycee enters stage left or right.  Then there is Witneeee and that other girl Tiffaneeee not to mention Kat and co. we are currently unsure of the plot or storyline of any of the characters and now that Max has returned with a horrid wife anything could NOT happen.  In Corrie someone has listened to Owner droning on about Toytown and Evah and their silly lies and made the former own up to Petah. Who, has instantly forgiven everyone bar his own son Symon who was blackmailing, stealing, skiving off skool and generally manipulating all. Carling black eyebrows must have the week off as all the stories are on PiRana who nearly got kidnapped (saying nothing and neither is Owner) David who has shacked up with a character called ? who has been in the show for 2 mins.  Even Owner who can be very forgiving has taken a strong dislike and says he must GROW UP and talk about it. (the nasty conniving encounter he had with thingy.) We got to the end of Gianni Versace and his killer without too much hiding behind the settee and tonight we will cling fast to Casualtee. Everyone (including the entire Royal family) missed it last satdee when it got took off for the Queen's birthdee bash. Owner did watch it only switching it off when Alfie Boe came on (you recall he blocked Owner for saying something mildly funny in support of Terry Wogan and not idolising him!!) and aside from a little bit of mild shouting at Kylie (I'll have that on the brain now!) we got through.X
 
HAS OWNER GOT WORK YET WONKA?  I saw her off to meet Kev the consultant folks last Tuesdee and she has filled out millions of paperwork proved she is herself and awaits the fatal call to work.  And only then folks can I get on with my serious job here, of checking on tiger lily upstairs (Bertrude) and old Soldier down below (Ruggles).  They are both fine and dandy, snoozing eating and the other.X
 
Owner has ignored the fact that the last two clematis did not survive her planting, the snails, being moved, tweaked and possibly over watered and gone and bought two more to try out.  One is blue and one is pink.  I HAVe PLANTED THEM IN NEW PLACES she droned to me but folks, the snails as you know can clamber about in all these places balancing on walls, plantpots, bits of wire and string they are MASTERS folks, of the little outback and many of them were transported here when we moved.  THEY LOVE IT.X

 
There we are!! Last year's efforts folks.  Will keep you posted on this year's! X
 
Owner has had a big tussle with the council and is talking about us all getting in the car and sailing off into the sunset.  OH NO I mean driving.  IT IS NOT EVEN MY PROBLEM WONKA she droned to me, it is aged sibling's.  All I can say is, and I did say this to Owner but luckily she may not have heard me above pounding out a dissertation I mean email to a so called finance officer at said council - I said Owner you must have earned all this in a former life and it is karma - as I say folks I did whisper it at the time.X
 
Now next week is the big run up to the Royal Wedding of Harry and Meghan! Yes we will be glued we love all of it - what with dentist appts (OH NO), reviews of care plans (OH NO) and the snooker final (OH YES) it is a busy bee week folks. Be sure and have your busy bee fur on, and your whiskers whiskering! Big Love Wonka X
 


Saturday 21 April 2018

Happi Days X

WHAT IS THERE TO CELEBRATE WONKA? you all wonder up, just waking up to enjoy your Satdee.
Herewith a Wonka Special LIST.

1.  The continuing sunshiney days folks.
2.  The Queen, HER MAJ is having a birthdee and is 92.  YES 92.
3.  Owner's daughter has only gone and got herself a job!
4.  Owner may be in touching distance of one herself.....X
5.  The World Championship Snooker is on folks for TWO Entire WEEKS xxxxxxxx

 
There we are! From 2016 BUT it stands the test of time folks, because John Virgo our best and fave commentatototototor, is bound to say this at some point as it is his CATCHPHRASE.  We love him.XX
 
 
So folks I do hope you have some good news in your lives too.  owner is blaming it all on Mercury going forwards and all sorts of other interesting but confusing planetary activity (need a lie down now...X) I cannot tell you folks how I am hanging onto the hope that soon VERY SOON, I can wave Owner off to work in the morning and enjoy the rest of the day until she falls back in moaning and droning on about it all.  I Love it.X
 

In the very silly old world of pollytics, Tresa Grey has a new catchphrase and is HOW VERY SORRY SHE IS ABOUT everything.  About the rules she made, about the mistakes she didn't make, about how sorry she is OH NO she just said that anyway it is one long round of sorries with Amber rudd thrown in for good measure.  Jezzer is only sorry he is not sorry and Vinnie does keep piping up a bit now but NOT to say he is sorry. Donwald the Trump just keeps saying things and no one PERSONNE sets any store as they may or may not be true and even if he is wrong he is not SORRY.

Over on the telly, we have clung to serious things folks Like, the murder of Stephen Lawrence who was a lovely teenage lad until a fateful night back in 1993. BUT, this horrid murder did change history and Owner is still thinking about his Mum, Doreen who would not give up until the (long word.  I must get ready for it) perpetrators (gasp) were jailed.  it took a long time but the wheels did turn folks.  It all makes Owner drone on about how this country isn't as good as it could be.  when Owner is not cuddling up to true life drama she is cuddling up to pretend drama like Corrie where the storyline has been about steroids (Robert said he would stop but he lied now he says he will stop and he means it as Chelle is his world. I know X) David and his bottled up rage. so far it has bottled off on his entire family and Gary. and Ranah was nearly kidnapped by her parents but Kate and co set her free.  Eileen has come out of hiding and made a friend.  NO it is not a serial killer, just a drug using, thieving lying woman who happens to be Seb's Mum.  Enders which has turned into the Staycee and KAT show got turned off and I did worry for a minute it would make Owner shout but no.
tonight Casualtee is suspended due to a big birthday concert for the Queen.  I BET SHE WOULD RATHER WATCH Casualtee shouted Owner when she found out PLUS she daren't tell daughter as she loves it too.  Instead we may cling to Brits got some measly and weird talent.X

Bertrude is enjoying the fine weather by bathing in patches of sunlight up above; Ruggles went straight out on Thursday and Friday and would not come back in until late aft.  ME? thanks for asking well I bob in and out and in and out and check the food levels in my saucer etc. I also kept Owner hard at it with the new application forms for registering with the latest agency.  AT LEAST Owner I said to her, in a very encouraging way, THEY HAVE NOT ASKED FOR YOUR UNIQUE SELLING POINTS.
Owner did not reply to that and I won't bring it up again. End of.X

What with Royal Birthdays and babies due and weddings there is a LOT to look forward to folks, and who knows, we could be lucky lucky lucky next week.  YES Kylie is singing at the concert tonight as is Sir Tom and a few others belting it out.  We may tune it for a bit of it droned Owner to me, it is a special Concert.  I did say you've changed your tune! but in a tiny whisper from upstairs on my giant nest so she may not have heard me..................X

Have a warm and sunny week ahead folks and BE LUCKY, big love Wonka X

Saturday 14 April 2018

BIG LOVE !!

Now what Wonka? you all want to know about this latest LOVE IN of mine.  Everywhere you look and turn round folks is talk of guns and war and bombing and wotnot SO FOR TODAY I am declaring a BIG WONKA LOVE IN.  End of.  YES Owner agrees with this whole heartedly and says she is fed up to the back teef (what is left of them) with horrid strikes on war torn areas.  The common people she droned to me, are taking the brunt of the actions of a few selfish thick skulled money making power crazed MEN.  I means.XX

 
Here we are folks!! something to cheer us all up it is the latest #Mumsteds and is starring Blue Seal and Frida Kahlo (Owner has spelt this in as many ways as you can dream of and settled on that spelling)  End of. X
 
Now in other news AS YOU KNOW Owner sped off on an adventure that took her via St Pancras and the Eurostar to the Netherlands!!! it was a fab journey BARRING one thing.  Owner received a message from Eurostar advising her return journey was cancelled because those pesky French were having a train strike!! Did it spoil her journey Wonka you all shout at me worried and stressed just like she was !!! OF COURSE IT DID.  Owner has since blamed it ALL on Mercury being in retrograde.  In meantime she had an ace time with beloved (??!!) daughter and grandson in Helmond which she reports to me is as clean as a whistle and beauty pink blossom everywhere.  She even went to Eindhoven (GORGEOUS Wonka she droned to me - they all went for lunch in a Happy Eating cafe for Happy Vegans...X) and ended up in Brussels station for the journey home.  She loved it BUT was glad to be home.
 
 
There she is!! Tis Peggy who now resides in Helmond and is the most spoilt cat there!! Owner brought her a packet of my favourite seaside Felix biscuits too.  I know. Lots of kisses over the North Sea to you Peggy!! X
 
 
In other dreary news Tresa Grey keeps pretending to be acting in the interests of the people when instead she is swept along by her tatty cabinet and talking to Donwald the Trump who as far as we know is making it up as he goes along, and doing this all by himself.  Angela Merkel who may be the only one left talking sense, is talking sense. Jezzer has made a few noises from the allotment and Vinnie sounded off in some echo chamber somewhere too.  The Greens are active on Twitter but then so is all else.  Owner is fed up to the ---OH I've said that once she is very fed up then.  WILL SHE STILL VOTE FOR Jezzer you all want to know suddenly interested in Owner's swing from centre ground to a couple of degrees to the left.  FOLKS who knows?  Does the wind blow off the sea?? Did that Roman have a revelation on the road to Damascus? XXX
 
We have clung folks clung to Corrieogginstreet and loved nearly every minute eXCEPT the silly dragged out story of Evah's babe.  She went and tolt AYden that is Ayden who gave Carling Black eyebrows the kidney - and Ayden says he does not believe the babe is his.  Without a test.  Evah has changed her mind (what mind Owner shouted at the telly) and is still giving the babe to Toytown and Peetah (Peetah does not know any of this as yet but Symon his mixed up son does) and Adam who is not the father well Evah say he is to Ayden and now it is all a bit silly and Shakespeare would have been up all night writing the end.  Owner has managed to watch another violent and blood soaked episode of Gianni Versace without whimpering and there is Casualtee to look forward to tonight.XX
 
Listen up folks!! KLAXON - you know Owner has been on the scrap heap and that unique selling point consultant thingy wotsit has ensured this continued?? Well an old consultant from Owner's previous agency only went and emailed her with an offer of work!! I have rarely seen Owner so excited for weeks.  This same consultant who Owner used to babble to, argue with and cry to on the end of the phone whilst sitting shivering with fear in her car having stumbled from a classroom and wicked Skool - well now he is her best friend folks!! this is the same Owner who declared I AM NEVER GOING BACK Wonka.  I know.X  But the fact remains (if I can use that word without Owner hearing me and spitting and shouting x) if I am to live in a luxurious manner oh alright and Ruggles and Bertie Bubb then some more money must fall into Owner's bank account.  I have not recounted Owner's long and sorry calls with the HMRC and royal London and I'm not going to. I AM NOT IN THAT TAX BRACKET Wonka she shouts to me!! folks at this rate we are not in any tax bracket!!! X
 
Now next week looks alright to me - that horrid mist and grey and cold and mizzle weather has lifted and there is view out of the window.  YES I am fine really, and enjoyed the little break whilst Owner was dallying around the Netherlands - Bertie knew no different and Ruggles only got in my way once.............................X
 
Have a Sunny Purry Furry week folks!! Big Love Wonka XX


Thursday 5 April 2018

A Midweek Special!

THANKS WONKA you all shout up fed up already now that the huge and long Easter Weekend and merriment or whatever it was for you, is PAST.  Some things though have stayed the same

1. It was raining before Easter and is still is.

2.  Owner is still going on a mini break and is making hundreds of lists and post it notes.  AND repacking her bags AND telling me all about it - and guess what folks? YES that is it!! I do not want to hear about it.  The responsibility of looking after Ruggles and Bertrude well it is a mammoth task folks.  End of.

3.  Cleaning up.  the monster keeps coming out of its hidey and doing things in the kitchen and the stairs. AND making a lot of noise too.

 
There we are!! I am also busy checking out front AND out back folks, so really busy busy busy. I love it.X
 
 
What else folks has been happening in my miniscule world?  Owner has been talking of Jezzer in a kindly way and I did say you've changed your tune Owner what has brought that on and she babbled about an article and a chap called Jonathan Freedland or something very like that and she says: HE HAS MADE ME THINK AGAIN Wonka.  Personally I think anyone other than Tresa Grey and her dodgy cabinet is worth a look in and you know how we do love Vinnie but Folks, when it comes to casting our spells I mean votes we must be sensible. I mean, what with Donwald the Trump and his nonsense and never mind his hair and the golfing, and Boris keeps spouting nonsense over here, we do need an alternative, and folks, if Jezzer isn't an alternative, I'll eat Rugglesis tea up.  OH, I already do that!! X
 
Over in the tellyworld, Enders has gone to the dogs or Stacey and her family anyway which now includes KAT and thingy.  In Corrie we all thought Feelan had dropped into the sea and drowned but NO!!! It turns out he used up yet another of his lives and has rescued himself whilst Eileen has been arrested for being an accessory OR a murderer OR just plain daft.  All are saying how could she NOT have known Feelan was busy seeing folk off and burying them in concrete? Only Eileen.....X
 
There we are folks! Tis Achilles from the drama on Beeb one called Troy.  Owner has taken against nearly all the main characters in it BAR Achilles.  She cannot abide Helen who has caused all the war to start with and will not do the honourable thing and leave (says Owner) I did say to Owner if you were married to someone horrid (one of those pesky Greeks) and you had a chance to hot foot it with a scrumptious Trojan (Hector's Big Bruv Paris stroke alexander) and have a better life and all....................but she was too busy droning and moaning on about Helen to hear me.  It is the last one this Satdee and it can only end in tears folks - a bit like Casualtee where even Charley Farley could not bring Robyn's dead hubbie back to life.  I know.X
 
What with the commonwealth games, the world championship snookerooni and Royal babes on the way I think April is all set to be a busy bee month folks and who knows, Owner may come back with a plan of action to GET A JOB and EARN some £s.  Do have a good week yourselves folks and don't put the wellies, hats, socks, gloves and scarves away just yet,
 
Have a big fat furry purry week folks! Big Love Wonka X