Wonka is BACK X

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN WONKA?  you all shout at me eager to know if: (list X)
1.  I have had a breakdown?  NO (that is Owner's domain and I do my furry best to tell her it will all PAN OUT.XX)
2.  Been on my hollydays?     NO - I am far too busy supervising ruggles and dat KitKat.  PLUS there is the usurper outside who Owner insists on calling Little Princess.  I BEG TO DIFFER. X
3.  Too lazy to bother putting us right about the world?  NEVER!!! JAMAIS!!!

So here we are folks - having got round Easter and can I just say that when this set of days approaches I worry about Owner even more than usual as she always has her own few days of reckoning.AND this year was no different.  it is alright though, as there are NO FRIENDS left to fall out with (tick) just the family.  OH and the pesky neighbours they are always troublesome and especially when they insist that Owner falls in with their long standing rituals.  and that means the bins and the birds.

 

There we are !!  The old rose tree and the pigeons for you!!

 

 

it turns out that at least one of the neighbours is against Owner feeding them and went to the lengths of writing to the council - well when Owner read the letter folks which found its way here JUST before Good Friday............I did think of rushing upstairs to my secret hidey BUT stayed fairly close by in case.  Owner read the letter a couple of times and I caught the words 'alleged sighting of a rat'.......   DO THEY MEAN A RAT IN HUMAN FORM WONKA? she moaned to me doing that laugh that quite frankly verges on wild sobbing folks,  Now we all know there are too many cats prowling around the passages and walls for any creature to wander about in search of bird seed....................  I also stayed close whilst Owner rang up the poor sender of the letter, who honestly folks was on shaky ground  albeit scattered with some bird seed.

 

HOW DID ALL THIS SHAKE DOWN WONKA you want to know all on the edge of your bird tables.  Folks, the nice young lady from the council popped round THE DAY AFTER EASTER MUNDEE to see all the rats and birdseed and guess what!! THERE WAS NOTHING, De Rien, to see!!!  OH she goes when she got outside to the little outback and saw one empty birdfeeder and no rats or bird seed.  Owner did show her one fat ball wedged into a feeder and deep inside the Buddleia tree,  OH she said.  And so Folks there is a lesson here - and I'm not sure if it is Love thy Neighbour as yourself but if it is, they do take some loving.X

 

YES there have been other deaths and resurrections within the small dysfunctional group of people Owner refers to as family!! All in keeping like I say, with the message of Easter.  HAS SHE COME OUT THE OTHER SIDE WONKA?  folks, if I say she rolled that big stone away you know what I am miaowing.XX  In the world Championship Snooker which as you know me and Owner cling to like superglue Ronnie our hero, had an Easter all to himself and did not get past a rosy cheeked lad called Mayhill or Mahill or something very like that.  Owner shook her head when she turned the set on and saw Ronnie had shaved all his hair off.  HE's DONE THAT BEFORE WONKA she droned to me and folks even though I was busy padding into the luxury rug I looked up and thought OH NO ALAS POOR RONNIEO.  Has that spoiled our enjoyment?  of course it has.  We do not have another hero.

 

 



 

 

There we are!! Looking back through Owner's cartoons here he is bombing out in the second round a few years' ago.  Do we love him whichever round he goes onto or out of??? YES WE DO!! XX

 

Aside from clinging to the snooker Owner has been rescued by Line of Duty and all the twists and turns of corrupt coppers.  It is violent and aggressive with all sorts of back stabbings and that's just the staff.  We love it.X  AND the new Trust Me has a paralysed well partly then as he can drag himself round the floor of the ward ex soldier who know yes HE knows THERE IS A KILLER ON THE WARD!! so all of that folks has saved Owner from mood setting minus about five.XX

 

Now in the wicked world of pollytics they have all had their own Easters to contend with either on a long walk in the mountains or down on the allotment there are local elections on the cards AND elections for MEPS TOO!!  the latter ones mean a lot of skullduggery and false and fakery as candidates use that one to make a big fight of billy brexit.  We all know that billy brexit is dead in the water and there are more important things to tackle and folks Climate Change is the newbie here.  There is a young lass called #GretaThunberg and she is on it!!  the newbie movement is called Extinction Rebellion and we love it.  Owner says it will gather strength and ALSO she is very glad she is vegan now.  I know.X  As for Vinnie in all of this, he is stepping down and worse news of all is that Donwald the Trump and his melancholia are flying yes flying over here in June. jezzer and Vinnie will not attend the state banquet but you can guess Tresa Grey will - if she doesn't fall down a mountain in welsh wales.XX

 

In brighter news, Owner's hair went right a couple of times and she has been paid a few compliments about her fitness - folks the gym is a life saver.  Ruggles continues to eat sleep and use the facilities A LOT, the newbie Pip Squeak and me well we are best pals and yesterday I says to her, come on, Owner has the monster out ready to clean up let's adjourn up to up the giant nest and we did! When Owner crawled upstairs for something there we were snuggled down for ingerland!!XX

 

Now as we pull away from Easter and for some of you a new term begins, keep those whiskers preened and that fur sleeked down!!  PURR instead of GRRRR and have the week of your dreamies!! Big Love Wonka XXXX

 

 



 

 

The Easter Break X

HOWDYFOLKS and so sorry could not find a second or a minute or any TEMPS to write this good bloggy over the weekend. WHY NOT WONKA you all go sulky on me and ask up??  and FOLKS I can only say the weekend got the better of me and was there one minute and gone the next!!

There we are!! this is an old cartoony wotsit of me having a dreamy Sundee folks and by golly it is lovely to just lay in the sunnyshine having a few well earned zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz  X

Last week folks saw Owner just about stay upright in her temporary role of supporting those pesky students at Skool.  THERE IS NOTHING Wonka, she droned to me last Thursdee when she scrambled back through the okish front door (very snappy letterbox.X) DE RIEN that is sacred!!  This roughly translated from Owner speak, means that the students use their piercing young wisdom to comment on what Owner is wearing (mostly tick X) what she looks like (mostly tick X) what she sounds like (don't ever go there and I mean EVAH! X) what she knows (ditto to the last one.X) who she lives with ( I did get a big fat mention as did Rug and dat Squeaka.X) what she eats (Vegan means a HUGE TICK X) and then start back at the first one.  It is not for the weak willed or anyone faltering and not confident.  so how Owner gets by each day is beyond me except to say that I do make an all out effort to shout YOU LOOK LOVELY IN THAT FUNNY OUTFIT as she races out of the same okish front door.  Anyway, there are two lovely weeks' off now, including the Easter thing where it is quite normal for Owner to have a breakdown along the lines of cannot cope I hate myself I cannot go back to work etc which swings back round to SEE YOU WONKA come the first real day back at Werk.X

In the pollytically world, all are also on an Easter RECESS as they insist on calling it, where no doubt and especially Tresa Grey are all having their own little breakdowns and makeovers.(AT LEAST THEY CAN AFFORD ALL OF THAT shouted Owner.X) jezzer may be ruminating over his greens up on the allotment as he certainly hasn't been seen saying or doing much else whilst another Labour personage known as David (good first name, it is strong and biblical and happens to me Owner's fave name) Lammy (which incorporates part of the word Lam b and we like that in this house not to eat you understand.X) yes he is speaking out against the likes of Boris and Nige who are class ridden twits and think it is ok to be buffoonish and have a pint in your hand like wot the masses do.  The only problem with that is it is 2019 not 1819.  We love Dave Lammy end of.XX

I haven't mentioned Brexit on toast because thanks to Donald Tusk and 27 eEWe countries we have an extension until Halloween folks to SORT IT.  I suggest bringing in Fil from Enders and Shazzer.  Anyone who can stay in a soap as long as they have AND mix with a diverse and sometimes strange community MUST be able to fathom what to do next. Set fire to it!!! XXXX

Owner has fallen asleep in front of the telly all last week and so all she managed was a couple of corrie a bit of Holbee (daughter is giving it the elbow as says the writers have gone mad.  equally the same about Casualtee - I blame Charley Farley nursey who has been given too many lines and suffered for it.X) we watched Brits got a lorra talent on catch up and I did hear Owner laugh at a comedian of all things, called KOJO.  AND, he got a gold buzzer.  we didn't like the winner of All Together Now and we specially didn't like the winner of The Voice.  BUT Owner managed to catch up with The Victim and pronounced it EXCELLENT drama Wonka!!  There is a new series of Trust Me which starts just after Holbee on Tuesdee if Owner can stay awake - if I tell Squeaka to dab her with a little claw now and then................XX

 

There we are!! Trust Me series one from aug '17 no less.  We loved that one so have high hopes for the next. XX

Owner was complaining that her life has been taken over by me, Ruggles (who eats on demand) dat Squeaka (the same) and the outsider who is up at the kitchen window every two minutes (little Princess).  Owner has rung the RSPCA to report it (not us) - IF I DON'T she droned to me, then SHE WILL GET PREGNANT again.  so the local RSPCA rang Owner whilst she was at work and couldn't answer and hasn't rung back since.  I know.XX

Now onwards and upwards folks, and if you are working this week up to Good Fridee then be strong!! If not, I hope like Owner you are enjoying your downtime and watching Game of Thrones if you can (we can't) and Line of Duty on catch up (tick) and if not a load of old films.  When we do get to the Easter weekend which is full of strange dramas (just here folks) there should be at least one film worth a look in.  Stay sleek!! be Purry!  Big Love Wonka XX

Catching Upski X

HOWDY UP FOLKS and yes it is SUNDEE but here I am with a little round up of our weekly ups and downs!! Owner is droning on about more downs than ups BUT I remain your faithful positive cheery voice in these uncertain times!!

 

There we are!! YES SIREE every year about this time does a bird pop down the chimney and put in an appearance in our little sitting room. IS OWNER USED TO IT YET WONKA?? do you ever get used to a strange bit of wildlife in your best sitting room folks is my answer to that one.  OH NO she goes to me mid week AND 'I think it is another baby gull Wonka but this time I am prepared.  And folks, she cleared all of us out of the room, including the beloved laptop, and thought she was ready READY as you can be for a huge baby gull.

 

she trots off to work in the morning with the door firmly shut and when she crawls back in later on (those pesky students they are full of beans and tantrums.X) she looks through the big keyhole and what does she see?  FOLKS IT WAS A BABY CROW that Owner insists on calling a Jackdaw.  Actually folks it doesn't matter what it is called when it is strutting about your small and best second sitting room having eaten up your best paper lampshade and fairly had a good go at the millions of ornaments and such like.  OH WOE she goes and immediately shuts us all in a bedroom bathroom or study.  Now I'll give Owner this much, as frightened as she was by this hopping flying black crow thingy jackdaw she finally figured out how to corner it and get it out the good kitchen door.  BY enticing it out into the narrow yes narrow hallway CLOSING the little sitting room door to prevent it flying back in there like it did the last few attempts and then coercing it down the stairs and into the waiting cat basket.  Have you done it yet Owner I calls to her from the safety of the top most room and through a firmly closed door - folks I was under the bed!!  And little squeaka was in the cupboard in the study!! Ruggles?  didn't even know it was happening and asked for some lunch the minute Owner reappeared shaken but not stirred.  I HAVE RELEASED IT into the wild she mumbled and then had to spend what seemed like hours cleaning up the room.  I did say I was starving several times as did Pip Squeaka and Rug but she may not have heard us above the hoover.  I know.X

 

 

And that sort of describes the week folks - Owner is making one list after another in quite a frenzy of planning.  There are lists, diaries, calendars and who knows what is going on.  And to cap it all the Aged is having a birthday next weekend - Has Owner got this sorted?  Folks she has got the card (tickX) the present (not yet.x) outing planned (tick x) and the week after that it is finally Easter and we all know this is ripe for a mini breakdown of just about anything.  At least I will be at home she droned to me and we can just eat sleep and watch a thousands things on catch up and iplayer.  And just what you all wonder are we watching?? X

 

 

A small comment on this week's pollytics which has seen more leavings but not from the eewe but the silly old tory party and then Tresa Grey decided to have Jezzer and his gang round for tea and maybe a chat about whether the brexit wants pruning. Owner watched Mr Marr's show this morning and reports that one of Jezzer's gang was on it.  WHAT DID SHE HAVE TO TELL US I asked up and Owner said she tried hard to follow what this woman was on about and failed.  IT WAS A LOT OF WORDS repeated over and over in different orders she said to me.  unlike Ms Leadsom who is an Arch Tory and wants to leave with no deals in sight because she thinks it won't matter unlike the majority of 'the people', any economic financial wizard you care to speak to the gov of the bank of ingerland and businesses up and down the country so yes apart from them it is ok to 'crash out of the eewe.'  Jezzer must be tending to his shed and certainly the paraffin heater as we have heard DE RIEN from him. X

 

 

 

There we are!  watching the new Indy party for change and our hopes are pinned on political moves like this one!!  Go Chukka XX

 



 

 

On the old tellybox we have tried hard but nothing has really kept Owner from list making anxiety setting at minus figures not even Corrie.  Carling brown eyebrows is being a full on boring old victim and Peetah is helping Thingy keeps weeping and wailing over RAHNA who died in the Factory and it is all Carling's fault says Rahna's bruvver.  Meanwhile Chesney is driven a bit mad by that funfilled dancing round the clock girl Gemma.  In Holbee the storyline to beat all storylines went even madder and now DOM knows his mum isn't his mum and instead it is the Scottish doctor who Owner cannot abide,  Or her daughter, or Sosha.  In Casualtee surly Ian is still surly and refusing to get help and Charlie is angry.  it is hard to make out this emotion as Charlie has a spectrum of one emotion that moves a tiny cm up and down the scale to represent all the hundreds of different emotions humans experience although to be fair it might just be Owner.  We fell out with the Voice as our fave Emmanuel was not voted through by those 'People' which just underlines how fickle thoughtless and stupid they really are.X

 

Folks some of you will on the run up to a big Easter Break so just keep yourself going one more week with a big smile, let those personal comments and pesky insults fly right over your head and perhaps just a tiny hiss and minute growl to let them know you are hard as nails ish.  Be good and be strong!! big Love Wonka XX