We Tell Lots of Stories!

JUST HOW MANY NEW STORIES are there Wonka? you all quite rightly want to know.

There is the bestest new story ever, soon to be published by our fave publishers Austin Macauley called:

Wonka Presents! - an Egyptian Tale. this is our big fave and it is ME who tells it.x

WHAT ELSE Wonka? you all hassle me and want to know more.

Then, there is a new conversations with Wonka part seven!  Owner reports she is three quarters on with this one.  THEN, there is the new Duffel story (Duffel and the Lost Inheritance) which is set in Frency France. MAIS OUI. How many is that so far?

THREE.  Then there is Marilyn and Me which is Owner droning on about her idol Marilyn Monroe. There is a sequel to the New Year's Eve story (at last! you all shout up fed up with waiting.x) and finally................roll on the drums...........there is the newest one of all that is just begun.  WHAT IS IT Wonka, you all shriek up full of impatience.  it is, for now, a Spooky Tale!!! and that makes a grand total of:  SIX. end of and big writing fact up! X

There we are!! and that is Owner's silly old go at the Mona Lisa who stars in the new Duffel story...ONLY JOKING Owner! I love it and je t'aime etc.XX

Last night we fell in love even more with John n Gregg who were slurping and munching their way through hunter's stew and chicken licken and banana icecream thingies.  The judges were so kindly we loved them too.  our faves were Tom and Chris and Karen. We tried to stay up and watch Lincoln (that Americy President) but it got on Owner's nerve. WHICH BIT Wonka, you all want to know.  Possibly the scene that cropped up over and over an over and over again which was Lincoln propping up the mantelpiece by the roaring fire OR throwing logs on it OR stoking it.x

I have to end on a sad note.  OH NO! I hear you all cry up as one. YES, it is goodnight to a wonderfully funny little Scottish man called Ronnie Corbett.  He knew how to tell a joke unlike many other comedians and we loved him.  And if you don't know who he is Owner says to just google FOUR CANDLES and that should teach you. Do enjoy this so far very sunny BUT freezing in the wind spring day.  Rugglestop has been out and Owner suspects Yogi (the stray who dared to scratch Rug) has nipped in.  Bertie is deep in his trance in the Narnia and although Owner has stood the monster by the table she has not plugged it in.  I know.
Big Love Wonka X

Clear Out.

WHAT is this Wonka? you all chirp up, over the holidee break, over your colds and raring to go.  some of you are.  PEUTETRE.

Owner finally got up after a lot of padding round her and allowing a claw or two to dab lightly at her face.  ALRIGHT I am getting up she goes.  Hours later after she had tended to ME, Bertie bubb and Rugglesis, cleaned the facilities, trudged to the luxury shed and changed the biscuit trough OH and dragged the heavy as you know wot dustbin out front - THEN, she finally does the job that has been waiting for weeks.  She clears out the old accounts folder.

I DON'T NEED THAT she goes, then rescues it and reads it through.  I WILL KEEP THAT she says and puts it on the 'Keepin That' pile.  On the next sift, it is then thrown in the 'TO TEAR UP PILE'.  I did say that the old shredder of her aged parent, that she threw out because she didn't like it (it refused to shred on a few occasions.  end of.) OH and it was worn out (like you Owner!! only joking!!) - I did say, THAT SHREDDER would have come in handy, but she didn't hear me above ripping up some bills from 2009.x

There we are!! and the new accounts ringbinder is pink and so are we!! X

In other less riveting and exciting news, Owner is feeling a lot better and not as worried as me about our poverty stricken state.  YES, we have cracked it with another book on the way, but as all know, a writer's life is not generally strewn with £s.  What we really need Owner, I says up, is to be noticed by a film or tv person.
WHAT AND TURN you into a cartoon she goes................. just a thought.  In the meantime, I am hiding the balance on the bestest credit card in the entire world alright round here and crossing off ALL but essentials on the shopping list. It didn't help when she flung back in yesterdee laden with new clothes alright three things.
More coins in the wishing well folks. X

We loved crème de la crème and our fave team with doubting Graham in it (Jamesis team) won out with their giant sugar fairy and apple crumble.  I know. The young ones (Reecesis Team) lost out but not for enthusiasm, and the other team Owner took against.  Tonight we have good Corrie and Todd has the measure of Feelan.  Then it is mastercheffy so I can sit back and relax as Owner has declared she loves this show because it is SO FAIR. (unlike a few other reality shows that have let Owner down.yes.).

Do have a sunny and happy furry day yourselves folks, and go easy on those biscuits!  big Love Wonka X

Back To It

BACK to what Wonka?  for starters Owner is nearly I said nearly over what she keeps referring to as (quote.  I know.x):

THE WORST COLD I HAVE HAD FOR YEARS............ small cough and possible volley of acceptable sneezing.x

Personally I can't say it affected ME or Bertie or Rugglesis overmuch.  She still staggered in laden with cat concrete I mean litter and plenty of food.  She even dashed to the vets and got more really expensive pouches and biscuits for The Bubster. And Ruggles was still tended to like a long lost prodigal son.  I do know that story and I do feel for the other bruv in it.  I would resent it and infact Owner has taken me to task about 'the others.' THEY DESERVE to be here Owner droned to me after one of my spats with Bertie (all I did was pop my head in the Narnia and you would have thought the Vikings had landed.x).  This theme of bruverly and sisterly love is often put about in this house folks, so you know what I have to put up with.End of and Fact up for today.x

 

There we are! That is my special toy and I am not sharing it.  Never. NUNCA, JAMAIS and NIE. X

 

In other less important news I am proud to tell you that DERMOT as in O'Leary, is to return to the Hex Factor as host.  although me and Owner quite liked Olly Muts I mean Murs, Owner took against Caroline wotsit in much the same way she has gone against Sarah thingy who is standing in for Christophe evans on good Radio 2. She is too jolly and laughs overmuch says Owner.  Personally I quite like this attitude and did ask Owner if being confronted with a happi go lucky personality highlights the lack of it in herself? (got it out of my Jung book folks...x) but she didn't hear me above listening to Radio 4 this good morn.x

 

Tonight we may watch 2 mins of Enders to see if little Benny boy is really going to squash that cushion over Fil's snoring fizog.  Owner thinks Shazzer will burst in and save one of them....but who? Now if it was Staycee...........NO! there is a new prog on and Owner says we must give it a look in AND give Holbee a miss. According to Owner it is boring and too many of them are getting on her nerve. The new prog is Bake off crème de la crème and we are on it folks.  As you know Masterchef is back and Owner is deeply in love with John and Gregg.  End of.X

 

Do have a decent Back To It day yourselves folks and now Easter is behind us, smooth down that furry fur, and bristle up those whiskers!  Big Love Wonka X



Winning Out!

We are back! with winning out news!!

The new story I have droning on about alright I may have mentioned it once or twice.....IS TO BE PUBLISHED !!!

It is The Egyptian Tale and anyone who has to spell out that word over and over knows how tricky it is.  End of and Egyptian fact up. X

Can we know any more Wonka? you all shout up full of interest and warm wishes......  Owner says we must err on the side of caution.  Meaning? I said in that new and annoying way.

AUSTIN MACAULEY (our bestest publishers in the known world alright London and possibly New York folks yes that is Americy.x) may want to promote it.  BUT I says, there is nothing DE RIEN to say we cannot tell a tiny weensy bit on here.  ALRIGHT she goes back full of pride and wotnot.

Here is the star of the story WHICH I am the teller of.  Owner did a few pictures here and there..............X

 

There he is!!  The hero of our tale and sitting next to him is.......

 

DON'T GIVE  IT ALL AWAY WONKA! Owner shrieks up. I mean, I have barely mentioned anything...... now in other much less exciting news Owner has had a day out visiting daughter and grandson PLUS is still on about moving to a new place.  NO we don't know where it is yet but she is convinced it will come right. the mere thought of being bundled off to perch on a new and strange windysill sends a right shiver through my fur.  Bertie would know no different, just moving from one Narnia to another but wot of Rugglesis?  If only folks, I had Owner's faith.  Is it faith? Just to make sure I am popping a small piece of silver into the wishing well..............for all my furry dreams!X

 

I only hope your Easters or long weekend or wotnot are coming right like ours has.  YES we watched the Queenie at 90 and we love her she is fab and always looks the biz.  Tonight we can clutch hold of corrie times two and Tracee is surely going to trounce (love that word I do.x) Carling brown eyebrows.  Will Gail force one find ice cream Mike or is it all a 99 without the chocolate? Enders is full of resurrected villains OR drunken villains not to forget Staycee and Owner wishes we could.  Now do enjoy your little selves folks and go easy on the choc.  ONLY JOKING!  big Love Wonka X



Short and Sweet

Today folks, instead of me going on and on and on and on and........... Owner has suggested an Easter break.

HOW LONG SHOULD IT BE Owner I says up full of concern for all those good folks (you) that actually call in to see what my little life is like ALRIGHT and Berties and Rugglestop.

NOT LONG she goes back.  Now I know she has been busy trotting off to the cartridge shop with the old printer.  YES it has gone to the graveyard for all printers refusing outright to do their job.  YES she came back lugging a new printer that is NEARLY like the old printer except it isn't.  I heard her talking to it in raised tones earlier, saying things like WELL YOU'VE SCANNED IT BUT WHERE IS IT?? EH??? I did go up and introduce myself but it (it is called Brother.x) was too busy whipping through its menu to notice.  It will soon settle in I know...............X

 

 

Here we are!!! This is our Merry Easter picture for all of you folk whether you celebrate it or not, we wish you the kind of long weekend that fulfils all your old dreams and comes up with some new ones!!  And it is good Ruggles, who popped out this morning and sat atop the old steps. We love him.  Mostly. ALRIGHT all of the time.X

 

Owner has insisted on turning down an afternoon's werk (NOT at the best skool in town) to (quote) PUT MY HEALTH FIRST.... she says she has enjoyed her day of rest (looking after us three, dashing to the cartridge shop, then the shop that saves you a little money then back here to get the monster out and fool around with the new printer called Brother. I mean.X) OH and she has had an inkling as she calls it of where we may move to if we move.  This has sent a big shudder down my furry back as I love this house and cannot imagine nesting in a new one. NOTHING, said Owner, NIMIC and DE RIEN has happened as yet......x

 

Do have a lovely evening, Thursdee and Easter weekend folks. Go easy on the eggs, go big on relaxing and even bigger on having FUN and I look forward to being back with you Mundee or Tuesdee.  Big Love Wonka X

 

PS Bertie is definitely looking a bit thinner. and his new nickname is hot cross Bertie him being cross looking, and brown and ginger. End of and PS up. X



Vitamins are US!

Howdy up folks! it is speeding towards Good Fridee like nothing.  Owner is barking instead of coughing and cannot now recall a time when she did NOT have a cough. it would be nice if we could get through a whole night without a sudden volley of barking from Owner. Just saying. AND she is doubling up on the vitamins.  Aged parent would give this a large TICK.

Are you FOR or AGAINST taking shedloads of Vits you all ask up?  Me?  If it has a calming effect on Owner I will recommend it.  End of and Today's fact up. X

 

 

There we are!  a little reminder of two of my fave characters, that is Duffel and Sammy dog; they made their first appearance two Easters ago, and then again last Easter.  Owner has managed to write UN PEU of the new Duffel story....WHAT IS IT CALLED Wonka? you all shout up at me.  it is called: Wonka presents! Duffel and the Lost Inheritance.......and you never know, there could be a miracle and it might be FINIT in the next couple of weeks.X

 

There has been another slight hiccup in Owner's up and down life.  The good printer has packed in being good and is giving messages on its tiny little screen which don't make sense.  NO, it has not been thrown out BUT it is wedged into a carrier bag ready to be taken back to the shop. BACK TO THE SHOP is the graveyard for all faulty machinery refusing to work.  Owner has had a nice chat with the nice assistant at this shop AND had a look at a new and expensive printer she cannot possibly afford to replace the one refusing us all printing and scanning.

WHO? she goes to me, ARE ALL THESE Folks LEADING NICE AND SMOOTHISH LIVES?  Personally I think that is a boring life and I much prefer ours, it is exciting and on the edge.  NO, Owner didn't hear me say that above droning on about the printer and her barking cough.  Tonight we are stuck with Enders and Staycee and her endless problems PLUS Fil is being a drunken nuisance at Shirlees.  IF we can bear it there is Holbee city and more mixed up Doctors and Nurseys......tomorrow is all to play for and we'll see if Owner can have a day off.  Do have a good day yourselves folks and keep those whiskers bristling!  Big Love Wonka x

Boing! Spring is here!

Hurray folks! It seems like we have been under a dark cloud alright Owner has then, for ages.  YES she is still coughing for Ingerland in the night BUT reports feeling HALF DECENT today.

Spring is in the air Wonka! she tells me up.  Yesterdee she ventured out back to inspect two plants.  The next thing I observed from my vantage point (excellent use of word.x) on the sideboard safe from all weather conditions and Owner's gardening skills  - yes the next thing I saw was Owner gently tipping up one of the pots overflowing with rainwater, all over her feet.  That folks, was the prickly rose.  Then she does the same thing with the Clematis pot. OH, she goes. So folks, instead of a quick inspection she was out there swilling down the yard (and her feet) clearing up mud, scraping up tomato food (rotting slowly in a cardboard box with no tomatoes in sight) and generally making work for herself.  I blame it all on Monty Don.  he is an ace gardener with a massive garden who knows what he is doing.  End of and garden facts up. X

 

There we are!  and if you look closely you can see the Easter bunny!! X

 

Owner has completed day one of two at the bestest skool we know of and reports feeling more at home.  Does this mean Owner, I quizzed up, that you are inching back into your comfort zone? YES she goes back.  We could be in for a happy Easter after all folks! she has even written a list with Easter things on it.  And, she has a lunch out planned with daughter.  Big Easter fact up! I did say I hope your appetite has returned by then Owner but she didn't hear me above boiling the rocket I mean kettle.X

 

Tonight we are hugging up to Corrie X 2 and nasty Feelan and silly old Eileen.  And Kev the mechanic believes his Anna now so maybe he will do battle!! We love it, and in between like a jam sandwich is Enders.  There are so many dead people come back to life or trying to it is all a big muddle but Fil, is still drunk and Ronnie is still around telling him off.  Shazzer and her chimneysweep son are flitting about the square and I did remark to Owner about her hair (shazzers) as it looks brown to me.  did she use the same hair dye that you did Owner I quizzed up but Owner didn't hear me above shouting at The Eggheads (one of them got on her nerve.x)....do enjoy your evening folks and keep sunny and bright! Big Love Wonka X



Games we like.

Howdy up folks! Are you having a laid back Sundee? YES we are too.  Owner managed to get over losing an entire night to a game called Rugby and is even now awaiting The Voice.  she did receive an irate text from daughter to the effect that she was NOT pleased to discover her night's entertainment had been replaced by a load of burly men and an odd shaped ball.  End of and Game over. X

 

 

There we are!!! This is the sort of game we like and it is either ME or ME or rugglesis playing with one of our millions of toys.  In this instance Ruggles suddenly pounced on his catnip mousey.  it is very realistic and does look like a mousey as it is small and grey with a flat tummy.  He jumped on it and made Owner laugh.  As you know this is to be encouraged for all we are worth and I didn't win out this good morn by prickling Owner on her face with my best claw.  Even though it was getting up time.  STOP IT Wonka! she goes, BUT she did get up.  End of and claw ridden up.X

 

Tomorrow Owner is back to it at the good skool and I can relax for a few hours.  Is she still ill? you all worry up.  Partly ill and partly just plain old and tired I would say folks....and it is alright she cannot hear me above washing up and giving that kitchen a good tidy!!! We shall cling to The Voice tonight and live in hope that neither the boy George or Willyam will annoy Owner.  I know.

do have a wonderful Sundee night yourselves folks and start planning for your Easter weekend!  Big Love Wonka X



Rugby.

There is something folks called five nations (and if it isn't five nations I AM SORRY.x) and it seems to me and to Owner that WHEN YOU NEED TO SIT BACK AND RELAX saying things like OH good, The Voice is on - even if I am not WillyAm's biggest fannette OR it's that old boy George WHO is very competitive and we all know it.......INSTEAD there is wall to wall rugby.  From Frency France.  Owner has already been busy raking through the tv listings to find anything worth a look at.

DID YOU FIND anything Owner I gently droned to her when she went into a state of shock over the take over by a game played with such an odd ball, of our entire satdee night. UN PEU she says, holding back from a full on rant.  I mean. X

 

There we are!! an old cartoon of Owner going a bit fractious!!! It turns out the good children in the bottom most layer of the nice skool are trying to learn all about fractions.  DID THEY GET IT Owner? I quizzed up when she fell back in the other day.Between bits of Pizza and five bits of this square she feels they swung from knowing it, to not knowing it in one easy lesson. Did it help them, I says up, to have paper with loads of tiny squares in it.  NO, she tells me back.  Lessons eh! and then Owner goes and gets it wrong in Science....OH DEAR she says up to the nice teacher. I mean I knew Owner wasn't perfect but the good Skool didn't......X

 

 

In other less exciting news Owner is to go out on her rounds and NOT OVERDO it.  she is still coughing for Ingerland and although looking more attractive and LESS old and stupid it could soon go backwards.  Just saying folks. Now Ruggles is snoring away on his pilly in the kitchen and the Bubster likewise on his pilly in the Narnia. I did wake Owner up very nicely this morning and allowed her a good 20 mins lay in.  What am I like!!!x

 

 

Do enjoy your Satdee folks and if you like Rugby you are in for a massive treat.  IF you are like me and Owner and cannot understand it, you must plan now for your wasteland of an evening.  Big Fat love Wonka X

Lucky Breaks

HOW ARE YOU FOLKS?  all landing up on Fridee at the end of this hard week.  Was it a good day for Owner you all wonder up.
After a fitful night with THAT dream in it............ every now and then Owner has a dream which runs along the same lines.  she is trying to put the light on. AND it won't go on.  This carries on until she wakes up and puts a light on.  I said to Owner (I do know my dreams folks) she is simply telling herself to wake up! step out of the darkness! Have a lightbulb moment! The good news is she went straight back to sleep and more wonky dreams......x

 

 

What's that? you all shout at me and say....it is Owner's nod to Sport Relief which is on all night on good Beeb one.  The children at the bestest skool she is at right now all went on a sponsored walk around the Skool, yesterdee.  DID YOU GO WITH THEM I says up full of interest it being nigh on my tea time.  NO she tells me up, not with the cold from hell still nestling in her chest. Fair enufski I says, full of compassion as I needed seconds.  It turns out she is keen to donate via text and Eddie Izzard is our top fave as he has walked nearly 27 marathons in the same amount of days. EPIC! x

 

In other lucky breaking news, Owner reports up she is booked for next Mundee and Tuesday so we are saved from starving once more.  She has survived THAT cold(tick) a whole week's working (tick) and looking old and ugly and stupid for what seemed like an eternity (ticks.x)  Tomorrow she must visit aged parent who thought she had (at least) keeled over and gone into hospital. I TOLD YOU droned Owner to her on the phone with aged parent talking whilst she was.  I know. X

 

Tonight we are cuddled up to Corrie X 2 and our new fave is Gemini or something very like that and she is now working in the Kebab shop.  there is no Enders (tick) but there is Sport Relief. big tick.  Do enjoy your fave Fridee nights folks and I will see you Satdee.  Big Love Wonka X

St Patrick's Day!

I AM WEARING GREEN announced Owner, a good few seconds before she should have been scuttling off to work.....

Was she late Wonka? you all wonder up.  UN PEU or, a bit.  But she looked a picture.  What's more, tonight, after Graham the bestest hairdresser in the known universe, alright the town where we live, has fixed Owner up.  she no longer looks old, or ugly or stupid BUT really attractive! End of and big fat hair fact up. X

I am blaming it all on St Patrick he has brought us some good luck at last. X

 

There we are!!! At last Owner can feel good and nice again AND I've been on my best behaviour with the Bubster - not one fall out.  not one. X

 

In other less exciting news Owner has taken her very last tablet. this morn we nearly had to send for the tablet police as she lost a tablet.  DID I TAKE FOUR INSTEAD OF THREE Wonka? she droned to me first thing.  Personally I would not put it past Owner to do anything folks, specially when she is on 2 - 3 setting which as we know is edging up close to WHAT IS THE POINT OF THE WHOLE UNIVERSE Wonka.  Then, does she find the missing tablet nestling in the packet in the bin.  Does this mean she is recovered? NO.  And as long as Owner watches Enders and seems to enjoy it, then I know folks, she is STILL ILL!! x

 

Tonight that is all that is on, yes Enders, with murdered and buried people returning to life (It is Easter I says to Owner.....x) and Fil has been to an AA meeting.  yes.  What is really helping though is that tomorrow is Fridee..are you all glad too folks out there all getting through your weeks.  So huddle up and hold tight to whatever you are watching and I will go and check on the Bubster and Rugglestop.  Back soon folks.  big Love Wonka X

Grande Finales

Somehow I am getting Owner through the week.  YES she is still taking the tablets, and says she is tired of feeling and looking like someone else.  WHO DOES SHE LOOK LIKE Wonka? you are all fascinated to know.  simply folks, it is not anyone rich or famous or beauty looking NO, instead my Owner says she has been replaced by an ugly, old and fairly stupid person only capable of attracting negative attention and wotnot.

IS SHE FEELING SORRY for herself?? MAIS OUI!

There has to be a bright side, or a light beaming at the end of Owner's tunnel but we just don't know what it is yet.  There have been contracts to sign (dark clouds) cheques going missing (black cloud) and the ever diminishing fortunes of this household (gloomridden murky cloud) BUT we must not forget the wishing well is working hard on our behalf...................X

 

There we are! It was the last very edge of your seat drama from Happi Valley and we loved it.X

 

Tonight we are huddled up to Corrie times one and De rien of anything else.  Owner is droning on about an early night and what is the point Wonka.  I tell you folks, I am working round the clock to make things happen!  There are TWO yes DEUX new stories on the go for a start off.  And, if Owner cracks on, the new Duffel could be up on Smashwords.com for Easter! I hope, droned Owner, you are not being overly optimistic.......My middle name folks!! X

 

And, thanks to Owner's cousin we have a new and exciting health ridden snackette! What is it Wonka? you all shout up starving and such like - it is avocado, prawns and a dash of white wine vinegar. it is the perfect meal for Owner who is still off her food.  End of. Now Bertie Bubb is on his food he just isn't  getting enough and Rugglestop is being a fliberty jibbert and flitting in and out of the good back yard. Me? thanks for asking - just keeping an eye on it all folks.  Now until next time, snuggle on down and enjoy!

big Love Wonka X



Almost there....

Can you see Easter from here?  Orwner says that is all she is hearing about at Skool.  HAVE YOU LEARNT Anything new Owner?

Le Lapin.  she tells me up, means Rabbit in frenchy France.  AND? I says in that newish still very annoying way...... the young students are learning a host of new words in French that tie in with Easter. L'oef or something like it, was there too.  SO WAS RIBBON or RUBAN....and that is to do with it I says?  Good ness knows she says up.  The main reason Owner is looking forward is for some time off. YES we will be poverty stricken but laying around relaxing should take the edge off that.  End of and Easter Fact up.X

 

There we are!! That is me relaxing on the sideboard!!! and I keep telling Owner, I say, it aint over until the fat cat sings!!!! X

 

Has Owner cheered up yet or is she still ill and miserable.  I am putting Owner on setting five which means she is half way there.  Her good cousin rang up and they spent ten minutes babbling at each other and then repeating it all over again.  I love it. X

 

Tonight we can stay up for the Grande Finale of Happi Valley where the murdering just will not stop even though they caught the murderer! and the wicked teacher has been found out oooohhhh, we cannot wait.  In Enders, all the people who were strangled or hit over the head OR fell to their death down stairs are alive.  BUT there is trouble at the Vic.  I am encouraging Owner to watch it as it will nicely take her mind off a nasty brown envelope that is laying on the good table..... I WON'T OPEN THAT YET Wonka she tells me.  Very wise Owner, and I could always sit on it to prolong things.  it is only a silly old contract spelling out how much aged parent must shell out to stay in her nursing home - NO news as yet about any other contracts.........x

 

 

And the other thing that is in sight is the weekend folks, we are nearly half way through the good week so hold fast, maybe a tiny claw dab, and bristle those whiskers!!! Big Love Wonka X

Nothing Rhymed

What nothing Wonka? you all gasp up, thinking, surely something that is QUELQUE CHOSE went right?

According to Owner the only thing that did go slightly right was her hair TICK now so ugly she has grown to like it.  Her outfit TICK was comfortable, warm YET smart.....anything else to report? NO.  The Class she was with acted up all day long without a Drama lesson in sight, and then, when she looked through her list of emails there was one about a lost cheque.  NO ONE. not ANYONE reacts well to news that your beloved money in the form of a piece of paper DID NOT ARRIVE at its destination and instead is in the home of the lost cheques.  DID SHE DEAL With it Wonka?  As well as.  End of and lost cheque up. X

 

There we are! waving off Owner this good morn.  She reports feeling a weensy itsy tiny bit better.......UNTIL I have news of lost cheques Wonka!!!! Then her appetitie goes and is all back on square minus T (wx x zx......) X

 

 

In other even less rhyming day news, I annoyed Owner by looking at Bertie a couple of seconds longer than I should have. STOP IT! she shrieked at me.  I mean.  Last night we got through by watching that film all about an old couple alright about Owner's age, not selling and not buying a house.  YES, that was the storyline.  There was DE RIEN to watch and Owner may complain.  formally that is instead of to me.  tonight we are like clingfilm to what is on, and that is Corrie and then Enders and then Corrie.  There is nasty scheming Feelan and Jenee to keep us amused and if I can stop Owner going on a worrywart about cheques and that class I will do.  it may mean throwing myself on top of Bertie as a giant distraction!!! Only joking!!! now do go on to have a comfy old evening yourselves folks, and remember, it will all come out in the wash!! Big love Wonka X

Are we well yet?

Owner spent a decent night EXCEPT for cough cough,.......cough cough cough............... COUGH. Is this any improvement Wonka you all ask up, from your sick beds, or settees.

SLIGHTLY.x

We did manage to watch the Voice without Owner losing hers OR her temper. AND, if we ignore and dismiss my little Paloma's choice of the best three singers from the others............Owner was in full agreement with Rickee.  We love Kevin, Chloe and thingy is it Jolen a lot. End of and big fat furry fact up. X

 

There we are!! That is the cat that Ruggles brought back with him the other day!! Owner knew it had been round once before AND given a name - Clarabel. It showed every sign of having a good home so why oh why did it want to come into ours? Owner says there is an invisible sign above the poor back door with CAT HOTEL on it. She could be right.  End of .X

 

Apart from laying about and coughing, Owner is doing very little and says up , in her defence, she is still ill AND reserving herself for next week.  ~This has meant endless watching of old DVDs and things on catch up.  We have now completed the three-part series of Stag and we loved it. DO YOU RECOMMEND IT Wonka? you all ask up with interest..... MAIS OUI. it made Owner cackle and giggle so it must be good.  Our next film (after The Railwayman which was so heartrending Owner is still weeping...) is one that Owner's daughter said never to make her watch so we should enjoy it to the hilt folks.X (it is called Ruth & Alex.  I know.x)

 

Call the midwifey is over and so is our Sundee night UNTIL something steps up the plate called A GOOD SUNDEE NIGHT series.  until then folks, keep warm, keep well and have a good start to your week.  Big Love Wonka X

 



Comfort Zones

NOW WHAT? you all mumble at me, half way through good Satdee and not really with it.  Owner reports that being ill has made her fall out of her COMFORT ZONE.  personally, I cannot tell any different, as she is still slaving I mean looking after ME, Bertie Bubb (his eye is fine by the way and I knew Owner was fussing over NIMIC or De rien folks. X) and Rug the same as always.  My food is still on time, more or less - the facilities are sparkling and she is STILL measuring out Bertie's very expensive biscuits to that thick black line on the plastic cup. 

I FEEL UGLY, continued Owner AND, when I look in the mirror I don't look like me.  Again, this is not new and I have simply advised Owner NOT to look in the mirror! End of and Beauty Fact up. X

There we are!!! The good hairdresser Graham is due next week and It cannot be TOO SOON.......X

In other news what is happening folks.  STILL not a dicky bird not a tweet or a twittery from our good publishers. Again I have reassured Owner with things like: no news is good news and when Owner replied whoever said that wants shooting Wonka I pretended not to hear.  I also say things like: when you are ill Owner you insist on being very negative to which she replied NO I don't.  I rest my paws and everything folks. X

Tonight if I can hear the telly above Owner's new and gurgly cough we will cuddle up to The Voice and TRY not to let my little paloma upset Owner by speaking too slowly, looking funny or just by being on the show at all. It doesn't make any difference folks by saying to Owner that is it YOU you are annoyed with, from my years of reading psychoanalysts (aha!x) when Owner thought I was just dreaming under the bed. Then we can watch Casualtee and see people who are far more ill that Owner is.x

Have a fab Satdee folks, and keep taking the tablets!  Big Love Wonka X

Name on the board.

I have been told off.
WHY WONKA? you all croak up with your best colds and chest infections.
I inadvertently (deep breaths.X) took a swipe at the Bubster who was, as per, sitting on his pilly, not harming anyone - and I caught him JUST by his left eye.  you would have thought folks a major incident had occurred.  WONKA!!!!

And, she tells me, after she had carefully wiped round the miniscule pinprick of a scratch, that IF I had been at the really nice Skool, my name would have gone straight onto the board as a first Warning up.  Needless to say folks I have been very very good since.  End of and big fact up. X

 

 

There he is!!! AND, Owner gave him an extra dreamie biscuit to make up for it.  I did say the good vets won't like that Owner but she didn't hear me above blowing Bertie a shedload of kisses.  NO I am not jealous.  Not a bit of it. (x).

 

In other more medical news, Owner secured a miracle today.

 

1.  She has got a full week's work. TICK

 

2.  She won a phone call from her best GP in the whole world alright this town then, and AFTER hearing her on the phone he said to come in AND it is official, it is a chesticle infection.

 

and on that wondrous coughing, snorting, sore throat note, I bid you all a happi eve and beg you with my best paws, to look in on me and Owner tmro.  Until then, I promise to be good!!!  Big Love Wonka X

Where oh Where?

Owner has reported up, thus:
1.  she has survived three days werk DESPITE the state she is in (her cold has changed position to reside in her nose, her head and NOW in a horrid gurgling cough.  anytime soon her voice could go.  I know.X)
2.  Those really expensive painkillers, have killed DE RIEN.

and 3.  Mostly, the timetable gives a Room Number and when you get there, THERE IS NO SIGN OF THE CLASS. And, Owner reports stumbling into the Girls Loo mistaking it for the Staff Loo, and a Maths lesson mistaking it for French.
DID YOU Find THE French lesson, I says up fairly keen to know as it was smack on my tea time......
it was in the room next door she goes. NATURELLEMENT !!!!

 

 

There she goes!!!! Hats off to my bestest Owner for sticking to it ATCHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! x

 

In other more exciting news, Ruggles has been out and come back with a friend.  NOT a stray, as Owner has noted, it (we think it is a girl folks.x) is very plump and furry PLUS it has a collar on it. NO, it has not come in as Owner says we are full up to the gunnels.  End of and furry fact up. X

 

Due to Owner being a full on cold wart ALL WEEK, there is only Enders to cling to and just about all in it are strangling each other or trying to.  Thing's mum has toppled down the cellar stairs and she just killed thingy.  There is chain reaction of murders going on if we could just keep up with it.  Now WE might be having an early night folks, but there is nothing NIMIC to stop you from enjoying a lot more rubbish telly!!!! Now I must dash, as I need to check on the Bubster, as you know it is my life's work!! I love it.

 

Big Love Wonka X



It Snowed

Yesterdee and the day before that folks, it snowed.
WHAT ABOUT TODAY Wonka you all ask fairly quietly as you know Owner has the cold from hell and is ultra sensitive to noise. Noise and everything else.

Today folks, it rained and rained and rained.  Not just any old rain, but like in Forrest Gump we had every type of rain - fat rain, horizontal rain, torrential rain and nasty icy rain that gets to you however you are covered up. DID THE CAR SEAT GET DAMP Wonka, is your final query up. SOAKED THROUGH.  Bring back the snow......End of and dripping wet fact up.X

 

 

There we are!!  we had a weensy flurry of snow on Mundee OR late on Sundee eve.  AND when Owner soldiered to that nice school on Tuesdee she reports an even weensier flurry!  any of this is better than the relentless rain she told me when she crawled back home later on this aft.  she is still sneezing and coughing for Ingerland and has been recommended to drown it (the cold from hell) in gin. BUT YOU DON'T DRINK GIN Owner I said up taking a sudden interest.  I KNOW she says back in between taking some more of those expensive pain killers and sipping some lemon and honey.....X

 

In other less exciting news nothing or DE RIEN has happened and that is how Owner likes it.  When she is ill she goes straight to negative and ugly setting and is expecting BAD NEWS at every stage of the day.  She is convinced now that our new and best story will fail to delight the publishers (our bestest) as much as it did us. YOU CANNOT KNOW THAT I said to reassure her but she didn't hear me above a volley of sneezing (about 4 to 5 snorts which is down from 7 or 8 folks.).

 

Bertie is taking it all in his stride and we had a nice confrontation this morning.  All Owner could hear from the kitchen was  SCREECH, YOWL, BIGGER YOWL lesser screech followed by

 

STOP IT WONKA!!! Ruggles thought it was outside and leapt up onto the side.  Then he looked at himself in the mirror on top of the good radio.  He loves it.X

 

 

It is early nights here folks so Owner can say cherio to the cold from hell and rise up a new woman in the morning.  That is plan A and there is no Plan B.  Keep warm folks and in a contest between rain or snow, it is NO contest.  Big Love Wonka X

It's one of those days!!!

I read somewhere, droned Owner to me, in between dying her hair (she went ugly. I know.x) coughing, sneezing and pink in the face.... THAT IT IS INTERNATIONAL WOMEN'S DAY.

Really folks this should mean a big celebration of all the things they do. ERM...................... only joking Owner!!

Usually at times like this I am forced to make a list BUT I simply want to note down our fave woman of all time.  IS IT that Egyptian one Wonka you all shout at me pretty loudly. 

 

She is a top fave because she got on with it (says Owner)that Nefertiti.  There are others we could name LIKE our good monarch Queeny Elizabeth who is still here, there is that nice politician in Sconny Botland and Wales....there is that americcy hopeful Hilary! Who else is our top fave...... is it my beloved Owner??? OF COURSE IT IS.  Who else would set off to werk when she is feeling rubbish!!! Seriously folks, it is time to give women the rewards they deserve! equal pay! equal rights! even Bertie agrees about this and doesn't blame Owner at all for his massive weight increase.  Not a bit of it.X

 

In other international women's day news we are still hoping that the best publishers in the known world alright London BUT there is talk of an office in New York (I know. I would go down a storm there.x) that is Austin Macauley folks - are still deciding the fate of Owner's story AS presented by me.  Alright the illustrations are pretty good and we love it (The Egyptian Tale) and please can they love it too.  It would make Owner's day.  and mine.  End of and giant international fact up.X

 

 

Do have a wondrous day folks and remember to put on your best whiskers and furry coat! Big Love Wonka X

Go Slow!

Owner has decided to feel ill today and there is no changing her.
THIS COLD Wonka.....she sneezed up at me this morn. ATTTCHHOOOOOO!
I mean, when I do a miniscule almost inaudible (ooh! new word up and I like it) sniffle Owner wants to go on a giant worrywart and say HAVE YOU GOT CAT FLU Wonka?  AGAIN?? She cannot forget that awful Christmas when we all had it (except Owner.x) OR that time just before Owner flung off to Europe, when I did come down with a bit of a temperature.  According to the Vets I did.X

I have ordered her OUT to the shop to buy up a parcel of lemons and make a giant lemon and honey drink and then lay on the settee and sip it.  PLUS we could watch that nice weepie film about the second horrid world war with that nice Colin Wolin Firth in it. ALRIGHT Wonka she says. Hurrah folks!x

 

 

The other thing is, it has snowed in the night. AND Owner is to shuffle off to werk tomorrow so we must get her right for that. DON'T BE LONG Owner I whispered up as she crawled off to the shops.  She might go to the end of the street OR to the one which says it will help you (I think not) and is trying to take over the known world with its car parks.  At least that is what Owner's dearly beloved wood carving in heaven Dad used to say.  End of and big Fact up for a Mundee. X

 

 

And here is a big TIP: do not, under any circumstances check your gas and electric bills out when they tell you to.  AND do not under any circumstances let that big burly bespectacled man in who says he has COME TO READ YOUR METER.  he could be a pesky Viking.  Just say what Owner did:  IT IS NOT CONVENIENT.  I did say perhaps he was more frightened by how you looked Owner, as she had just risen from a nap - but she didn't hear me above making a shopping list.X

 

 

Ruggles took a quick look out back and has gone back to bed. TICK.  Bertie has had his first pouch and some biscuits and is not quite as starving as first thing. TICK.  Me? thanks for asking, I have found a sunny spot near to the searing hot rad and am basking in it.  I love it.X

 

Wrap up warm, like that nice royal family on their skiing trip have!  There is a beauty photo of little Charlotte with her Dad and we loved it me and Owner. Big Love Wonka X

Mother's Day!

I woke Owner up specially early to celebrate!! no dabbing with claws this morning! No!! just lots of cold noses in her face and purring loudly.....what a way to wake up!! X

 

 

There we are!! WHAT IS GOING ON? you all shout at me fairly loudly....that is how the tea party went folks, when Owner set it all out at aged parent's good nursing home.  DID SHE LIKE IT Wonka? is your next question up.  SHE LOVED IT reported Owner when she tripped back home pleased with her success.  The cakey was from that shop that boasts of NOT JUST ANY OLD FEWD I mean FOOD and was coffee and walnut.  The only fly in the ointment (this is a silly expression and Owner hates flies.  I capture them straightaway when they come buzzing round.  End of.X) was that when Owner sped back home in the car with no name Red Van Man had parked smack opposite our good home and she had to park up miles away.  I have warned her that people can lip read but she didn't hear me above pulling the curtains so we couldn't see his silly old van anymore.  I love it. X

 

 

To celebrate this good day Owner might go for a swim. ARE YOU on the right mood setting I says up cautiously and behind two closed doors folks. Personally I would have banned Owner ages ago from that baths, specially after telling that youngster off for splashing.  I HATE BEING Splashed, she says up in her defence.  so far folks, the lifeguards and wotnot have kept quiet and only warned her once to swim clockwise in the lane swimming. DID YOU DO AS YOU WERE instructed I pestered up when she told me.  I GOT OUT Wonka, she reported back. big fact up for a Sundee.X

 

Last night we were entranced with the singing show and the Battles.  if Owner said once about my little Paloma's voice OR my little Paloma's shoes OR how slow is she speaking it must have been a million times. Willyam was spared almost except when he started to go on and on and on and on.  Little Rickee is emerging as a know it all and the boy George is Mum to all.  In Casualtee, a Nursey called Lofty (I know) wants to take the blame for just about every death and accident on the ward and NO ONE is stopping him.  Tonight we can cuddle up to Call the Midwifey and weep for Ingerland.x

 

Whether you are a real Mummy or not, and whether you have a real Mummy dangling about somewhere, we all of us (listen to me) get a chance to be a Mum.  You know how much Golly 'mothered' me and how I TRY to look after Bertie (he won't let me) and PLAY with Ruggles (he thinks I am a monster.x) but I DO look after my Owner. have a Mumsy day folks and enjoy some extra biscuits!

Big Love Wonka X

Sunny Shine On!

Good Morning good folks out there all celebrating that it is Satdee and we are all fairly alright.  YES, Owner survived her afternoon at the Skool.  NO she did not need the sweets, the DVDs or anything as a nice real Teacher helped.  PLUS the students were all bordering on 30 to 35 in light years or whatever they are measuring students in now.  End of and good fact up. X

Today, Owner got up and went out early doors.  This is unprecedented (phew...X) as usually we ease into Satdees nice and steady and then Owner will suddenly say IS THAT THE TIME I MUST CRACK ON!  Today, she has whizzed to the good vets for more of Bertie's tres £s pouches. TICK, whizzed to the shop like a maze that used to have an assistant in that Owner hated but they have left now GIANT TICK and then to the smaller shop where she likes everyone in it. (I know.X) Then she threw herself back in and I had to stop my meditation (in the box) and be cuddled for ages.  I love it. X

 

 

There we are!!  I look lovable and all furry and purry!! X

 

In other les exciting news Owner is to go and visit aged parent and do Mother's Day a day early. WHY, or Pourqoui or howcome you all wonder up??  To avoid clashing with aged sibling and his Mother's Day she droned to me.  This means aged parent gets TWO celebrations.  Owner intends to set up a little tea party, and I only hope the good Home that aged parent is presently assigned to (they have not flung her out yet.....x) will join in the fun.  ALL I NEED, droned Owner to me, IS SOME COFFEE to pour into the best china cups.  There is a coffee and walnut cake and who knows folks, it could turn out well.......X

 

Last night we clung to Corrie and there are some nasty bullies setting against Bethany who used to be the annoying daughter of Sarah, but is now to be understood and sympathised with.  NOW, Owner is fully on her side and was seen to be shouting at the telly things like CAN'T SHE TELL TODD (her Gay Dad.  she nearly told him and then Todd's simple simon bruv came in, Jason who thinks Feelan is a good man.........x) OR, Tell your Teacher!!!!  I know it really cheered me up to see Owner so deep in the story.  Tonight we will be shouting at my little Paloma OR clever clogs Willyam from that nice singing contest then there is beloved Casualtee and Connie.x

 

Do have the kind of sunny shine Satdee you deserve after slaving away all this good week. Rugglestop is nesting on his new bedding (a duvet folks.  I know. X) and Bertie bubb thinks it is feeding time once more EVEN though he has just had breakfast. don't you just love his lots....(hiss grrr hiss....that is Bertie not me!!)..

Whisker up and big Love Wonka X



Never Say Never!!

YOU SAID...................Owner said, no mumbled as she fell through the door that last time, she said THAT'S IT I AM NEVER returning......to that Skool.  and on Mundee, she said yes and then was saved BUT now folks...........she has gone and agreed to go this aft.  NOT on a Fridee aft Owner I says to her full of fear myself at the thought.

Strategies worth hanging on to with a vice like grip include:
SWEETS to reward any kind of behaviour not necessarily good. TICK...
DVDs to play as a reward for just staying in the classroom and not raising the roof. TICK
ACTUALLY COVER THE LESSON that the last nervous breakdown teacher has left for you covered up under a pile of papers that you find in the last 5 minutes of the lesson....  SEE ME.x

Between all this and the meetings about aged parent AND the cold from hell Owner has hovered between zero setting and 2 or 3. AND she has woken up to rain. THE CAR SEAT will be soaked she moaned to me first thing.  I did say why not pad it out with newspaper and a towel plus your nice blanket like last time Owner but she didn't hear me above taking the phone call for werk at the dread Skool. X

There we are!!! This is what Owner has been like ALL week and you see what I have to put up with night after night folks!! X

Yesterdee passed in a dream of Owner feeling HORRID Wonka and then feeling alright enough to paint the towel rack.  Why are you doing that Owner I pestered up from the comfort of my AmaZEN box.  She insists it is to brighten her up and goodness knows it has now spread to brightening up the bathroom floor. I hope, I droned to Owner, you have not painted yourself into a corner and I couldn't hear the reply through two closed doors!! X

Tonight we are back to normal setting if Owner survived the aft.  There is Corrie times two and every second person is a villain.  There is nasty conniving Feelan, there is tricky Tracee, where is that evil Jenee is she hiding in the magazine rack at the Kabin?and in Enders it is now Witnee and Ronnee to get on Owner's nerve. In other words dear folks out there all busy whipping through your own tv schedules, it is a good night on ours.x

Do go on to have a fine fridee with lots of nice biscuits and plenty of ZEN time!  Big Love Wonka X

World Book day, day!

Owner has woken up in a more positive mood setting. (say around 5 no 6....x).  Back in the olden days she droned to me as she measured out Bertie's expensive biscuits...this is 15 grams folks and the good vets drew a big fat black line around the bottom of the plastic cup...it is about three or four biscuits. I know.....

AS I WAS SAYING Wonka...she continued to me....in the olden days when times went rough an Angel would appear in their dreams and say FEAR NOT.  Has this happened to you Owner I says up, nicely, as I was awaiting my big fat pouch of good as it gets pretend chick.... NOT AS SUCH she goes back.  This means folks that a wisp of her dream has left her feeling alright. Was it the one with ice cream in it?  I ventured up.  NO WONKA. It appers folks that sometimes you wake up happy and it is due to a dream that (wait for it folks....huge roll on the drums...) AUGURS well. happy fact up and end of.X

You will recall on Tuesdee or someday like that, Bertie refused to eat his breakfast and a full on alert was issued.

 

There he is!! and Owner had to rush to the good vets and swap the wrong box of food for the right one.  BUT YOU SAID, goes the nice Vet Receptionist. it turns out, that the Vets instead of being guided by their good sense and knowledge turned to Owner for advice.... once Owner had apologised six or seven times for being wrong as per, all was fine.  And Bertie trots out of his Narnia to chomp on the right food!! X

 

The usual fretful night passed with Owner coughing and muttering but as I say waking up on pleasant mood setting.  THIS despite no werk and ghastly meetings about aged parent and her future hovering in the background.  Every time the  good phone rings I hurl myself in front of it saying DO NOT ANSWER IT Owner.  She insists it could be good news but cannot think what.x

 

Tonight there is NICHEVO or NIMIC on.  alright there is Enders and a smattering of dramas.  We miss Dickensian as it screeched to a halt without us realising it and we must pester them for more, or haunt them says Owner. HANG ON!!!! It is World Book Day Owner I goes up...................... in that case Wonka, she tells me, I will read a story.  And folks, if you are short of a short story!!! Please read one of ours, they are all free and fun to read on

www.smashwords.com and because it will soon be Easter, then do start with a Duffel story!  There are two, and the first one is this one:

 

There we are!! and the second story about Duffel is there too, called Wonka presents - Duffel again.  And finally Owner says to tell you, if you want to hold the story in your hands in a real and proper book, you must go to your local bookshop OR the one in the sky, Amazon.com and order #Wonka'sChristmasStory !! X

 

As you know folks, our bestest publishers in the known world, Austin Macauley are looking at our latest story, An Egyptian Tale and maybe, if we are lucky, they will like it and that will be published too. YES I have popped several coins in the wishing well AND popped some flowers at the feet of Bastet (WHO? you all shout up....you will find out when you read the new story!!x).

 

So, there IS something to do after all folks #worldbookday ahoy!!!

 

Have a bookish storyish day folks,FUR UP and Big Love Wonka X

 

 



Mad March!

Hurrah! It's Mad March and we can all go a bit silly......well the hares can.  How is Owner bearing up you all want to know and what of Bertie Bubb and Rug.  First up, Owner is enjoying another day of rest, in between poking round the luxury carpet with the Monster (I sped quickly upstairs to my giant nest, and the Bubster disappeared into his igloo.  There you are Bertie! says Owner when she saw him in the gloom.x) .....cleaning the facilities and making a to-do list. IF there is temps which is time in Frenchy France, she will let us watch the rest of (wait for it.  slow drum roll......) SLOW WEST.  That is the good film we started yesterdee and then Owner pops it on pause.

WHY can't we watch the rest Owner I moaned up.... IT IS TOO SLOW she tells me back.  End of and fact up. X

There we are!  it is the Mad March Hare and we love him.  or her.X

Ruggles you say?  Owner is thinking of and has measured up accordingly, making him a new nest.  At the moment he is nestling on pillows and heated pads and Golly's old blanket. yes. (for those of you wondering who in the heck is Golly, he was my old mate, Golly cat, who let me come in here and stop.  he went to the sanctuary in the sky headed up by St Francis about 4 years ago and he is a legend he is.  Golly is in the first three #Wonkastories all on Smashwords.com. X)  What? I questioned up to Owner, are you going to put him on.....Owner thinks a proper bed on a proper unit INSTEAD of a battered old linen box.  All of us have scratched it, it likes being scratched and we love it.  End of. X

Final bit of mad news for the day. There is a lot in the news about Americy and the race for the Whitehouse.  Unless Americy wakes up (says Owner) they may end up with the wrong winner. Me? I have taken nicely to an underdog called Bernie.  I like the name and I am basing it solely on that.x

Now tonight we must cling to Corrie and the storyline of the runaway Polish slave which Owner says (about everything take no notice folks) IS GETTING ON MY NERVE and Eva Weva who is coming to the rescue - luckily for me Enders is not on, and so STAYCEE and the babe cannot do the same.  There is DE RIEN on after that and I may seize the chance to put the rest of that mad film on.x

Now do have a mad day out there yourselves good folks and maybe a tiny scratch on an old linen basket if you spot one! Big Love Wonka X