Three Unique Selling Points!

Wonka!!! you all shout at me, wide awake as it nearly the end of January AND the weekend......YES I say to you all, I bring you the story of the THREE UNIQUE SELLING POINTS.  Blimey you all wonder up, thinking (like me) it sounds like a modern fairy tale, like the three wishes or strange tales of having to guess what it is and only having THREE GOES at it.  The truth of it is folks, that Owner has got herself in a twist.  OH NO Wonka! you all carry on a little concerned now.  She has only gone and spoken to an Agency folks, about some more work in Eff EE or Higher Ee. I did say to Owner, can't we just shuffle on without all that stress and anxiety and wotsit compulsion thingy (and that's just the students) but OH NO, quick as a flash she speaks to someone and the next minute is reading an email from said Agency.

 

 

There we are!! Owner is confronted (for the bcgvhgmfh££$%* time about her ability to do a day's work.X)

 

Did she come up with something Wonka? you all pester up wondering how on earth Owner will think of ANY USEFUL skills or talents.  I did mention to Owner myself, as to why the Agency person (who must be nameless for fear you will all want that one..X) popped the words SKILLS and such like in block capitals.  Owner thought it was because she might be short sighted or a tad simple...............(Owner that is, NOT and Heaven forfend the Agency person.....X) As it happens folks and with a little prompting from me, Owner did muster up a few old skills and such like covered in cobwebs but soon polished up.  She is all set to meet up with the Agency Worker next Wednesdee and I am already preparing a suitable hidey.  I know.X

 

In other news folks, she has been swimming. TWICE.  She loves the facilities, the water is warm, all are nice and I cannot believe my luck folks as for at least twice a week we can all lay back and relaxezvous.  ME? thanks for asking, I am keeping well despite Owner's ridiculous attempt to slim me down.  YES  I was offended by the label 'Giant Tea Cosy' and 'Side of a House.'  Ruggles can eat at will and as for little treetop or Bertrude up above, she is spoilt rotten.  JEALOUS?  hardly folks hardly.X And no, there is no result back from the newbie vets about Bubster's blood test results. NO NEWS IS GOOD NEWS droned Owner to me when I enquired.  OH I says back.X

 

Over in DAvros or somewhere in Switzerland or a bit like it, a huge convention of silly billies is taking place. YES that is right, all the folks governing us have instead gone on a giant jolly network to promote and make themselves look even more silly.  IS THAT POSSIBLE Wonka you all quite rightly question me up?  Donwald the Trump has once more threatened I mean said he is coming to our tiny isle for a visit and once more PERSONNE want to see him and that is NO ONE in English.  Tresa Grey will have got herself a new bunch of giant beads for the occasion and as far as we know Jezzer is minding the allotment. As for Vinnie and the others we know not.  YES there has been a lot in the news about the Kipper party and someone's girlfriend but we don't take notice of them in this house!X

 

Of course Owner is clinging to the telly, and especially Corrie which has at times made her go funny.  FEELAN is getting on my nerves she confided in me BUT now that his daughter is back maybe just maybe he will be found out! Little Bethany stroke Madison is still lap dancing and Craigie is still watching out for her.  Now in Enders, Staycee wasn't gone long enough for Owner's liking and now she has to contend with her AND that tiffanee lampshade child. Luckily there is the Voice to listen up to and despite LAMARR being voted in twice by the head judge for Falling on Ice, we are still clinging to it.X PS small klaxon going off there is a new music thing on Beeb one tonight called all together now AND despite this name PLUS we don't know who is hosting it, we will give it a shot SAYS OWNER! X

 

In other lesser news Owner has managed to join a couple of Art Groups and is busy having some postcards made.  NOW ALL I HAVE TO DO IS sell them she droned to me.  I did say where have I heard all this before Owner but in a whisper and from well behind a door on another level to the house.  Here is one of the #mumsteds illustrations to be postcarded!

 

 

 

 

 



 



 

 

To find out more do head over to the FB page MMArt @mumsteds and see what you reckon!! This is just one of the selection and is Nicholas Bear.  X

 

Has your January got off to a good start folks?  There is the Chinese New Year to look forward to, and it is the Year of the Dog. I know. I shall be informing you all how this, is going to affect your good lives throughout twenty eighteen folks - and I know it does not sound auspicious (need a long lay down now.X) for us felines BUT I have it on good authority (not Owner X) that cats and dogs do live harmoniously (more lay downs.)together so Bring it ON I say!! X

 

So there is a Full Moon coming up folks, and a new week AND the beginning of February.  Exciting or what!! So keep those New Year wotsits on the go and all systems fired up! Big Love Wonka X

 



 

Snookerooni X

Folks if there is one thing sent from heaven to save Owner from herself..........it is Snooker.  OH she goes coming out of her January trance for a moment, the MASTERS is on Wonka.  To be fair I was having a well earned nap and didn't move overmuch, just a little twitch of my whiskers as the heat belted out from the rad.  RONNIE is on the table Wonka, she goes on to tell me.  Now in this house folks, Ronnieo147 rules.  He can do no wrong.  So we both cuddled up to watch him stomp home to victory in his first round and we both listened up to him burbling on about not being bothered if he won or lost (sounds like someone who is going to fail I whispered to Owner but she didn't hear me above saying THAT IS NOT FIGHTING TALK Ronnie.x) and of course the next thing he is trounced, trounced by another player.  This time, beyond not bothering about the result, he has a cold.  Or the flu.
IT MATTERS not, we still love him, he still rules OK.X

 

Here he is!! Doing the same thing in another match!!  We love him and look forward to the World Championship Snookerooni in April XX

 

 

Blow me down if this silly old bloggy hasn't published itself without me asking it to!! X  and I haven't even started on OTHER important events.  Now first up is Bertie Bubb, who was whisked off to the new PETS AT HOME vets for a general check and its claws clipping so it can walk round without clinging onto the carpet.  SHE WAS AS GOOD AS GOLD droned Owner when she fell back in with the carrier and Bubster making a fuss to be home in it.  Then, there was another trip, this time for a blood test.  DON'T tell me anymore I warned Owner, who much like me, goes dizzy with any talk of illness or bodily functions and wotnot. Once more the beloved credit card came to the rescue and it did help that Owner took her latest impulse buy ( a pair of boots she wouldn't be buried in she told me. OH I says.x) back to the shop.  Instead of boots, it paid for Bertie's test. Back she comes for the second time, and yes she was awarded a medal for bravery from the vets.  THEY ALL LOVE HER droned Owner.  jealous? ME? not a bit of it, and just to prove it, I checked that Bertie had enough biscuits in her trough, and the fish also tested for freshness.  Big tick.x

 

Ruggles is fighting fit and just as happy in the study on Diva's old blanket as snuggled up in the little sitting room with me and Owner.  Just because for some reason I have to go right up to the cushion he is on and check it really is him on it...................X

 

Now in the increasingly confusing world of pollytics, Tresa Grey clings on to what is laughingly called the Government.  Jezzer is not liked generally, either by his party or the people that used to vote Labour; HE IS JUST A PUPPET droned Owner, FOR THE OTHERS.  Do you mean that momentarily group of rebel rousers Owner I says, taking a slight interest as it was nearly tea time? And what of the others? Quiet as mice.  Mr Macron that nice President from France popped over to see us, and Silly old Boris is on about building a bridge to Frenchy France. This will be because there are not enough ways to get there, by boat, by chunnel, by plane and such like.  As for Donwald, he may or may not be on a golf course somewhere stirring up trouble from the green.X

 

Luckily, alongside the Snookerooni, has been plenty for Owner to shout about.  The girl in Enders, replacing Staycee for driving her bonkers and annoying her by just being there is Tiffanee.  it seems she is daughter to Beeanca who is on a cruise even though Tiffanee is only 14 and needs close supervision.  I KNOW WHAT I'D GIVE HER shouted Owner.  In Corrie the net is closing around Feelan,the serial killer on the cobbles, and even Eileen his good wife is catching hold of this.  Wait for it folks, but she even posed the question to Feelan.  I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT MURDERED LUKE she goes to him.  Carling black eyebrows is keepin busy either by annoying folk or advising them and Gemma is being hoodwinked by that posh Henry.  We have clung to the Voice and to Falling on Ice and that nice Jason.  He did vote to keep Matt and Candy in BUT head judge Christopher sez LAMARR must stop in.

I didn't agree with that droned Owner to me, and folks...neither did I.  Here they all are looking the BIZ.x

 

 

 

There they are!!  Nice fil and Holly and those pesky judges.X

 

 

HAS ANYTHING else exciting happened you shout at me and I say yes.  Owner has trotted to a new Printers with some samples for postcards!!  it is all on her new FB page called MMArt and can be looked at by all.  the new venture is #mumsteds folks so keep an eye out!  she also got excited as she has a mention in this week's new look #Guardian !!! I'm in print Wonka she shouts to me!! and she is!! In the section for Reader's hopes for the New Year!! I love it.  In between all of that folks Owner is determined to try out the new baths.  it is called the Sports Village for some reason, and I did say to Owner, is that how you missed it and drove all round the houses before finding it?  she is to try out the new swimming baths on Mundee folks and has been warned that IT IS COLD.  Now we all know Owner doesn't do cold, so we can only hope............X

 

 

What is Owner's hope for the New Year?  To stay Vegan and say cherio to eating anything connected to a creature.  YES she may fall off the vagon now and then, but she is determined folks to stay on track! To be Confident and press on with her new art venture! and to find a nice part time job that PAYS Well that REwARDS her skills and (drum roll as most important) that SHE LOVES.  I know and if it all comes to pass you my dearest folks, will be the first to know FROM ME, your loving Wonka.X

 

Now the new week is peeping up on the horizon and who knows it could be the week you have longed for and dreamt of.  Keep you fur shiny and fluffed up, twitch those whiskers and best paw forward!  big Love Wonka x

 

 

 

All or DE RIEN!!

Folks, it has been a looooooonnnnng week in my homeo with Owner awash with things like: 'I'M BACK ON THE SCRAP HEAP WONKA and 'I HATE MY HAIR' and 'IT'S ALL OVER....
personally, the hair one was the most worrying folks as we all know how Owner gets if that refuses to look the biz. Luckily between sighting it in the mirror thursdee and then checking it a thousand times on Fridee did it somehow right itself!!  Even though we can cross this off the FEELING SORRY FOR ITSELF list, there are still the others.....................X

 

There she is!! Now saying things like: 'But Owner, you put yourself there..' isn't helpful, even from well behind the door on the top floor AND in a whisper, so instead I have tried a different, less direct, very tactful approach.  WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT? This folks, had her thinking and remembering she has THREE mouths to feed.  ME?  for some reason and thanks for asking, Owner thinks I am vastly overweight and must lose a few pounds or those others things.This means, every time Ruggles looks like an angel and sits near the feeding troughs HE gets at least two pouches and I just get a teaspoonful - just because I sniff it and run off doesn't mean I am not starving.  The Bubster is a different story we all know that - he she or it, lurks and lives upstairs and is eating and drinking and being spoilt rotten.  She is even going to a new vet as Owner fell out with the old ones (over the insulin pen thingy.  But it is alright and blow me down Bertie seems just the same without horrid injections twice a day and Owner with her needle phobia and all. CAT NEVER USED TO BE DIABETIC she goes to me.......X)

 

 

 

There she is!! cuddling up to the biscuit trough which yes I don't mind admitting, I give a giant hug to in the night.X

 

 

In other news, Donwald the Trump continues to amaze the Wold with his unpresidential (whew!) comments and wotnot.  No one likes him but that is not what he is after, NO, he would rather be a silly billy and annoy us all instead. In which case Job Done - now as for the PM and her Q's this was the usual to and fro between her and jezzer with a few other silly billies thrown in.  did it change anything? did it tell Owner, who was transfixed by Tresa Grey's giant necklace, anything new?  Did it my whiskas!  As for Vinnie he was quoted on the news today so we know he is still alive and clinging onto the Lib Dems.  Boris called the Major of London a 'pompous puffed up Popinjay' and I can only hope that any GCSE students out there hoping to pass their English first second or ihyjdy-th time round, are noting the 'list of three', alliteration and metaphor - Boris didn't say thingy was LIKE a pompous wotsit he said he was one. This folks is my weekly round up of the silly billy pollytics we now have in place of government, and where this country wants to cuddle up to the likes of Donwald the Trump and get rid of the nice Eeeyew.  I mean.X

 

 

On the telly we have managed nicely now that The voice is back and good golly miss Olly Murrs is one of the judges too and THEN on Sundees we have the skating on thin ice!!In Corrie, Eileen has been to see Anna in prison and checked out Feelan's toolbox and guess what! NO that is not it....the gun has moved itself! Chesnee failed to marry Lemonade and jilted her at the alter, and Carling black eyebrows is dishing out sage advice to all.  In Enders, despite Staycee whisking off out of it, has been replaced by a really annoying young lady and this plus Witneee has driven Owner a tad distracted,  I know.  I did say why is Ben on a ferry to Calais with a character who has been out of the series for so long no one PERSONNE recalls who she is, but Owner was too busy droning on about Beeanca's offspring to hear me.X

 

I have been brave folks, as you know with Owner this takes some, but her vegan diet has been taxing and whilst there are successes (the spread is alright and how she has taken to the soya milk!) the sweetstuff is in another class.  it is alright to eat dark chocolate by bournville folks so I made the mistake of saying to her why have you brought home maltesers and a giant BIG pack as well?  This is unusual for Owner who as you also know, is very ALL OR NOTHING.  I JUST DID Wonka she goes back to me and blimey folks I made it out of the kitchen and back up to my hidey in no time!!X

 

Now folks, whatever your plans for the coming week are and they could be a new exercise regime (tick) a new job (whispered, tick) a new look (double tick) or perhaps like Owner a change of lifestyle with your eating habits?  She does feel proud that mostly, yes mostly, she is not harming or eating animals and I said OWNER a big thank you from us furry purry beauty creatures for even trying it!! I've even let her off with the maltesers!! Do keep up your new year Resolutions folks and KEEP GOING, Big Love Wonka X

 



• 

The New Year SO FAR!

HERE WE ARE HERE WE ARE...............Folks, it is now the first weekend of the newest year we have to hand which is Twenty Eighteen! 2018 it really is, wherever you are in the wide wold and whatever lingo you speaking.  You cannot, CANNOT avoid 2018.  End of.X

 

 

 

There we are!! taking down all the beauty lights and decorations.  LEAVE THE BOX OUT droned Owner to me as I says will you put it back under the stairs (like nasty Feelan and his gun....X) so I don't trip over it or bash into it on one of my mad dashes? NO she goes to me, saying it needed to stand in the way blocking my run and being a giant trip hazard, INCASE I miss a decoration and have to get it back out again.  YES, I nearly bashed my head in this morning on a mad dash from out back and YES Owner was right she had gone and missed the lights that were in the Study.  I know.X

 

 

YES it is all over.  YES it wasn't the best Christmas for Owner as she will keep mulling over it, saying things like: I'M NOT DOING THAT NEXT YEAR Wonka and me saying things like YOU MEAN THIS YEAR Owner.  What went so horribly wrong you all shout up interested to know of Christmases worse than the ones you just had.  It is the Relations factor folks.  Wherever there is one, you can expect argy bargy, silliness, or in the case of Aged Parent, downright stupidity.  (I don't eat Christmas Dinner. yes.  and she said it over and over according to Owner.  Owner's theory (bracket inside a bracket just to point out that this theory is tenuous.  word of the year so far!!x) is that the nursey she dislikes the most, that is both Owner and aged, got her to say it.  I know.X) anyway, it was all a disaster and rounded off by daughter falling out with Owner before she had even done the thing to fall out about.  I call it Advance Disagreeing.  A little like Advance Crying. yes.X

 

 

Back in the real world, that is the friendly too and fro of bills popping through our letterbox and letting a giant draft in, looking at the accounts and thinking now where did we put the credit card....yes back in this world all is fine and dandy.  Owner has even gone so far as to open up a new FB page!!!! (Klaxon) with wondrous pics of Teds on it!!  It is called MMart and can be messaged too.  fb.me/mumsteds  amazing or what? don't even answer that folks just pay it a visit.......

 



 

 

Here he is! Maximillian Snow Leopard! He is just one of the teds I am on about folks - there is Nicholas Bear ted, there is the famous Mum's Ted which is what they are all called now............GO ON!! that is at least one resolution we can go TICK to.X

 

ME? thanks for asking, I am keeping well and although Owner keeps warning about my weight I think I am keeping myself fit by all this checking and mad rushing about.  PLUS trying not to ask for seconds like Rugglesis and Bertie do.  Speaking of Ruggles Owner has only gone and given him a giant soft cream rug to lay on in his new spot the Study room crushed up to the searing hot rad....where, I goes to Owner, is my rug???  I'M ON IT she droned back to me.. Jealous? ME?  Of course I am!! X  and you all know Bertrude is on a pilley case atop a heated pad atop a soft blanket.  I know.X



 

 

Folks in the wicked world of pollytics some brave American has brought a book out telling ALL about Donwald the Trump.   It aims to show us how mad he really is. If only someone would provide the same light reading over here about Tresa Grey or Jezzer?  Jezzer has stayed true to form and said DE RIEN about any important or middling important world events.  has he been taken prisoner on his own allotment you all wonder up?  Either that or Momentarily are holding him to ransom somewhere, possibly a foreign land......OR did he just overeat at Christmas and fall out with everyone which would really make him appeal to ALL OF US not just some of us................I cannot talk of Vinnie he has vanished like Natalie did.  Nicola though, is still speaking up for Sconny Botland and we all love her in this house.X  (even Bertie.X)

 

Over in TVee land, Owner has finished Pesky Blinders and is bereft of her beloved Thomas Shelbeeeeeeeee.  As you know we are also big fans of Arfur and miss him lots too.  It is not back until Twenty Nineteen folks and already that year has a distinct sparkle to it as this is also THE end of Game of Thrones.  In Corrie land, Feelan has polished off another would be detective.  (it was Luke who was fairly clever up til he wasn't.  Being shot didn't help him.X) No one it seems is clever enough for Feelan YET.  Eileen remains ignorant of her hubbies' murdering ways and as for Seb, he is nobut a lad.  ME?  I think Carling Black eyebrows is easily a match for him.  End of.  In Enders, speaking of ends - Mad Max must turn off Abbie's life support and once more I have to listen to Owner droning on about Staycee......BUT, at least she has disappeared into the tube station with her flock of childer.  I HOPE NOT ON A RETURN Ticket moaned Owner to me. We are cuddling up to the voice and big Tom Jones, and then it is dancing or falling about and slipping on Ice on Sundee..............all good folks all good.

 

Now Owner has put pressure on herself to go out folks, even though it is warm and snug in here and icy cold out there.  NEEDS MUST she warned me.  OH, I says back.X

 

Remember folks, if you get a bit sad or fed up even or just plain BORED with yourselves, then you could read a #wonkastory on smashwords.com OR visit Owner's new FB page and say something nice about it.  She would do that for you! Brush that fur up and be nice to other felines!  Have a beauty week, Big Love Wonka X