Your Beautiful Credit Card x

IS OWNER PINK LINT? you all shout up and ask me.  In a word OUI, YES Siree!  and for all you poor folk who are not sure about that rhyming slang is means SKINT which means poverty stricken round here.  X

 

There we are!! clinging onto it like glue folks!  It has come to Owner's rescue many a year and may be doing the same again.X

 

HAS OWNER BEEN REJECTED AGAIN? you all also wonder up, remembering the very swift return of one of our best stories last week. NOT YET is the answer to that folks, but it left a big dent in Owner's confidence which is now on about number 2 setting. 2 being NOT VERY CONFIDENT AT ALL and 10 being OVER CONFIDENT AT EVERYTHING.  end of.XX

 

 

Now apart from all these worries of NO CASH and NONE ON the horizon and books that no one wants to buy (I wasn't going to mention the dear publisher Austin Macauley sending Owner a whole forest of paper simply stating that PERsonnE WAS purchasing our Egyptian Tale.  Take it on the Chin Owner! I rallied! and blow me down, she refused to be upset.  I CANNOT WASTE TIME Wonka, she droned to me, BEING UPSET.  I did point out that other folks out there in the wide world are putting up with far worse that a few silly old rejections, but I did whisper it and from behind a door two floors up.X

PS if you feel sorry for Owner the BUY THE BOOK!!!! X

#wonkapresentsanegyptiantale. X

 

 

There it is!! and if I say it myself, as the confident cat I am - it is a funny story and worth every penny. every bit of those horrid plastic note things.X

 

sound of Klaxon going off folks just to warn you that Owner has said a couple of kindly things about Jezzer.  It might be the cash flow problem sending her a bit funny or just a lack of anyone else to root for (just where is that Vinnie?) and that nice Nicola being Scottish and all.  Donwald the Trump continues to annoy all with his rubbish problem solving, and wanting to arm teachers.  Not with more resources for the students but with guns.  Even a foundation class student would cotton on that teachers are bad enough left to teach..............  And, he has thin hair. I mean.  I haven't hardly mentioned Tresa Grey because she has done nothing to warrant a mention.X

 

Over in the wonderful world of reality shows, Owner has a new crush on Rob Beckitt who whispers to us about All Together Now.  he explains it to us, in big funny whispers to make sure we understand the rules.  I love him too and even Ruggles said.X  We kept up with The Voice and this week it is the Battles. This is where two of the singers sing with each other and one of them beats the others.  it is a massive anguish for the singers and not so bad for us although Owner has been known to shout up for her fave. WHY DID YOU PICK THAT ONE she goes.  In Corrie, Feelan has rumbled Nicola and told her she is no longer his beloved daughter! Eileen, is the only one he trusts.  I know.  This is the woman who although faced with thingy evidence to suggest he is an out and out murderer - STILL THINKS HE IS OK and the rest of the street are wrong.  Carling black eyebrows has a new kidnee courtesy of AAden who cried and may well be depressed. Goodness knows what is happening in Enders except Owner laughed out loud (very rare.X) and it was at Karen who works in the launderette.  the heist thingy still pops up now and then as a storyline that quite frankly wants popping in the dryer. X

 

There is talk of snow Wonka! Owner tells me - I did say what diff will it make to ME, Ruggles and Bertie but she wasn't listening about going on about her forthcoming interview (Tuesdee) and how it might affect her journey. JUST KEEP YOUR WELLIES to hand Owner I says, with an eye on my teatime. YES I am still on a diet and YES Ruggles and Bertie can eat at will. jealous? ME? not a bit of it.X

 

So the week ahead could be might be let's hope it be, a turning of our fortunes, snow filled or not.  Owner has her interview outfit (Tick), interview prep (Tick) a plan B (that nice agency she used to work for rang up in the week) and a new hair colour (Jury out.  Owner likes it for now. there is still time.........X)

 

Keep your FUR coats buttoned up tight folks against the chill, and bristle those whiskers!! Big Love Wonka X



 



Happi New Year of the Dog!

WOOF! yes it is here and I do hope you have all faithfully checked which Chinese sign you are folks. YES I am surely a rabbit/cat, and Ruggles surely is a dog and as for Bertrude?  anyone's guess really.
Owner says she is a mystery and NO ONE, Personne will argue against that.

 

Here she is!Tis Diva, who was Owner's real angel dog gone to the big sanctuary in the sky folks but sometimes glimpsed in dreams and brought to life in these stories.  May her happy soul live on and bark its way through this coming year folks!X

 

There is even more happy woofing news folks! Guess what! YES you got it right for a change - much to my amazement Owner has a job interview from that good agency that she interrogated I mean talked to the other week. I nearly fell off the cushion by the searing hot rad when I heard Owner say 'Oh yes.' and 'that's good then.'  Now all we need to keep from certain starvation is for Owner to actually be offered the job.........BUT help is at hand as the good agency consultant will ring Owner with some interview technique the day before.  This means folks, that questions like: 'how would you handle this complex, never seen before, very unlikely to actually happen in real life, situation......' won't throw Owner into a panic.  I know.X

 

What else folks is there to report on?  Aside from a giant stress up situation which had Owner pounding away on the keyboard, and yes I swear I saw sparks and all because you quiz me up?  Aged sibling folks that's for why.  Aged sibling and a spot of good old admin sent her into a right flurry.  IT ENDED when she hit on a simple solution folks, and only then could I get on with relaxing by same hot rad.  The other thing that sent her funny was this folks:  sometimes, Owner gets it into her head to approach those posh literary agents.  There can only be one result Owner, I warned her as she pressed send having spent hours (across my tea time) perfecting a cover letter and the rest of their complicated demands.  In what seemed like seconds, an email came rushing back saying THANKS but NO THANKS, oh and phrases like 'This fast reply may seem a little harsh..............' Well YES IT DID.  Owner sobbed quietly for a minute or two and then sat and sent off another one.  My only suggestion folks was to try a different story...did she listen? YES SHE DID.  thankfully, the other two agencies have not tripped over their keyboards to send it all back, so in the meantime, these are the stories she sent:

 

 

 

Duffel has not returned to us yet!!! and there is Sam, lovely Sammy dog in these stories so we are 1% hopeful he will attract the right attention...........the other 99% thinks he may come barking back.X

 

 

 

There we are!! It is of course Oodles, who is the cat who never was, and Anya who she lives with BUT, this story folks came back like a boomerang! Well we love it! and you can still read it folks and see what you think, as it is free to read on Smashwords.com X

 

You would think by now that the never ending story that is Brexit would be nearing the end but no.  Tresa Grey insists on droning on about it with Boris jumping on the bus again to say his bit. Jezzer must be up the allotment BUT John Mcgonnical or thingy, his deputy dog, announced a HUGE number of policies all to do with animal welfare.  so folks, there is a reprieve going on for Labour in this homeo. Donwald the trump is still president last time we looked and what can shift him.  An earthquake?  Who knows.X

 

Back in the more interesting world of our telly, Owner has clung to a couple of new dramas.  JOHN SIMM is in both of them, she complained to me. PLUS, she is not overkeen on either.  Corrie is circling round Feelan, and Craig has succumbed to an obsessive compulsive disorder to knock any of Owner's neurotic mad ways into touch.  DUE to this he has lost Bethany who used to be the most mixed up one but now..................and King Billy is shivering away on the settee as he is an addict thanks to Adam who has gone on holiday.  Eevah is still having a secret babe and we await David's funny partner (Owner does not like) to blab to the real father.  I know.  Over in Enders, we are not sure what the storyline is now the heist one is over.  There has been a big funeral but not for Staycee.  IT SHOULD BE HER muttered Owner. Tonight we will cling to All Together Now that nice newish singing thing and then Casualtee AND there is a new drama it is TROY.  Owner will love it, she loves history and the romans - WAIT, it is the Trojans and the spartican thingies is it? Not to worry, we will find out! Exciting or what!X

 

 

Next week folks could be the week of our dreams, and even if it isn't, it is the last week in Feb.  We have a whole week ahead where Owner can relax, start to like her hair again (X) think more about us and less about her....YES I am alright, and trying not to resent being on a diet; it means being very fast to steal Rugglesis food and even faster at Bertrude's biscuits.  I CAN HEAR YOU Wonka, says Owner in her sleep, when I am having a little nibble.X

 

Keep those chins up folks and don't let any silly old rejection emails OR letters get you down.  Stand up straight and look them in the eye and send off a new submission, or go to a new audition OR whatever it is you are trying for.  Whatever you do, do not give in.

Big Love Wonka X



Ways to Tell IT IS WINTER!

HOW WONKA? you all mutter up from the warmth of your duvets and blankets and THROWS.  First Up folks, you glance outside - peek behind the curtains or round the edge of the blind guarding you from the outside world.IT IS HORRID - and that was Owner's observation folks.  Now me, I poked my head round the bedroom curtain which isn't a curtain it is a bedspread PRETENDING to be a curtain - anyhow, I noted that although the sun was shining, it had the look of rain.  WAS I RIGHT OR WAS I RIGHT?  Freezing rain coupled with a good strong freezing wind and That folks, is how you know it is Winter.

 

There we are!!  That is the Castle on the hill in a Winter Storm!! OR Owner having a moment with the sketch pad.  We love it.X

 

Other ways to know it is Winter folks is just to turn on the telly and blow me down they are all at it in Pyong Yang or somewhere very like that.  IT IS PYeong Chang droned Owner and it is in South Korea. Winter sports folks is on it - they are rushing down slippery slopes laying on boards and whizzing WHIZZING round those bends.  Are they crazy?  Is Owner? Am I??  and guess what....NO that is not it, but good Clare Balding is telling us all about it nonstop. Winter sports folks is a sure way to tell it is WINTER.X

 

 

ME? I'm very well thank you and surviving on the diet by mostly eating Rugglesis and Bertie's food at every opportunity.  Let's face it Owner cannot keep tabs on me all the time and the minute she strikes out for victory (goes to the shops..x), I'm up those stairs quicker than a stair lift, to tackle what is left in Bertie's trough. Ruggles was pat and mick on the hall rag I mean carpet and I told on him as soon as I could shouting WATCH OUT OWNER and telling her where it was - this small diversion was long enough for me to tackle his overflowing saucer.X

 

 

Here we are!! a little reminder folks of who we all are!! X

 

In the completely silly world of pollytics, or the long running soap called WINTER OF OUR DISCONTENT - De Rien has happened.  Tresa Grey is still warbling away, and her rusty old cabinet is all scrapping amongst itselves. Jezzer asked a couple of Questions in the infamous and long running comedy show also know as Prime Minister Qs!! Was it about Brexit Wonka you all wake up and ask me? NO it was on about the police force and spending. I did miss some of this boring exchange as Owner was busy shouting at the telly at the time.  Across the big stretch of water that luckily divides us from everywhere else, they are all arguing, parading, voting and wotnot, and in the case of donwald, suffering bad hair days.  PLUS there is new deputy leader from sconny botland for the pesky lib Dems called Jo and Owner likes her.  but we like Vinnie too.X

 

Owner has now given McMuffin or McMafia another chance.  I HAVE TO TRY IT Wonka, she bleated to me, ALL SAY IT IS Magnificent.  The good news is, she is now on episode three and I can enjoy a good zzzzzzzzzzz whilst she watches all the way up to Episode 8 and the Grande Finale on Sunday!! In Corrie  Feelan continues to sniff out the enemy and his prey....whilst Eileen sits back enjoys cake and tea on the settee and makes jokes about how she could MURDER a bun. Evah is still lying about the babe and leading Adam on.....and Carling black eyebrows is playing her dying kidney scene for all it is worth and it turns out ALL in the street suddenly adore her and want to give her a kidney.  I mean.X  Owner watched enough Enders to drive her a bit mad (Staycee made a brief return from the locked up house) as the continuing and surely most boring heist ever, rambled on - it has even produced a new character!  in the shape of Mel's (don't ask me I forget)son.  I know X

 

Now the other way to tell it is Winter, is when Owner racks up the heating even higher than usual, pulls the curtain (it's all about curtains folks in this hose) across the good back door, and announces (to no one there, PERSONNE) I'M NOT GOING OUT IN THAT.  Now I thought that was my line folks, but I have to say most mornings I dash outside to our little outback to check on those pesky birds OR any other strangers in the night.  Ruggles has to go outside for a long drink of stagnant water from Sam's old water bowl a quick game with a small twig or leaf and then he is straight back inside - me? I like to stay out in the freezing cold until Owner comes out and makes me come in.  I know!! X

 

There he is!! Ruggles slurping and gurgling some of that water from Sammy Dog's old water bowl, which Owner tells me is millions of years' old! It is stainless steel folks, and about 40 years' old!! X

 

Now next week folks has all in it: Valentines Day, Pancake Day and it is the start of the Chinese New Year!! I have said a big prayer for Owner to get a job so we don't all starve and surely, if it is the Year of the Dog, one of Owner's old dogs will sort it all out for us.  (that is Sam and Diva for a start off.....) Do have a warm and wonderful wintry week folks!! Big Love Wonka X



How to survive FEB !!

When Owner woke up to Feb folks, she vowed to............
EMBRACE IT. Personally, I would avoid it at all costs, it is a short, dark still, dank and drear month with only a couple of things to recommend it. WHAT ARE THEY WONKA? you all shout at me fed up already with FEB.X

 

There we are folks!!a flashback FEB to the old outback, when Ruggles lived mostly OUTSIDE in the luxury shed and the luxury kennel BEFORE he decided it was nicer and warmer INSIDE with me Owner and the Bubster.  Bertie bubb or Bertrude as it is now known, trialed it outside for a couple of weeks until Owner announced she would have to bring it in.  OH I said.XX

 

 

Other good news about FEB:

 

1.  Valentines Day folks and a chance to tell your secret love you love them.  I do worry that Owner is missing out here, despite her new hair colour (TICK) and general good health (new Vegan diet, TICK new fitness regime TICK) but until she joins in with the rest of the civilised world - I mean.X

 

2.  Pancake Day.  We do love a pancake and hopefully there is a VEGAN substitute laying in wait.X

 

3. Owner says LENT is lurking somewhere and even this folks if it is true is good news IF you want to give something up YOU LOVE. Owner did say she had already given up most things and cannot go that extra mile with say giving up Corrie. for once folks I agreed wholeheartedly as my sorry life would be NOT worth the effort if Owner stopped with Corrie.  Enders yes, Corrie NO. NON!!! X

 

4.  It is the start of the new Chinese year folks and it is the Year of the Dog.  We love dogs,  YES we do, and there are many #wonkastories devoted to Owner's dogs - Sam is in the #Duffel stories, and Diva has a story all of her own!! X

 



 

There she is! Owner's beloved Diva - her own angel dog and my old mate Golly knew Diva and they loved each other too. hankies out!.....hankies back! XX

 

Now you are all hanging off your settees to know how Owner fared with her 3 UNIQUE selling points.  Well I can tell you now that thanks to Shadow (Owner's hairdresser) and thanks to my advice about what to wear she did look the BIZ.  Never mind those points, she droned to me, I just need to look gorgeous. And blow me down she even liked the nice consultant when she finally tracked the agency down in the maze of units on the industrial estate.  DO YOU HAVE ANY WORK for me, was Owner's interrogation style and I have to admire her cutthroat straight for the jugular approach.  Take No Prisoners! was my advice as she fell out of the door to get in the car with no name.  Unless they are out and out liars Wonka, she told me when she fell back in, there is a chance of some work. IF they like my selling points................ I know.XX

 

In other news, Tresa Grey won't shut up about anything.  she keeps coming out with silly morsels of information (I refuse to call them soundbites X) that promises the waiting public just about everything.  I did say to Owner this reminded me of Jezzer and his sidekick John Mcgonnical or whatever his silly old name is, as they seem to want to remove this hellish government and replace it with paradise. Lost. the others are all quiet as mice, so are they all hatching up a giant plan?  HURRY UP.  Donwald the Trump is still pretending to be a president and surely will bring out a book soon. NO we didn't watch his silly billy interview as we don't want to hear him or that other one.  End of.X

 

Now over on the telly we have clung to our faves for dear life.  In this wasteland of telly drama we loved Kiri with Sarah Lancashire she can do NO WRONG in this house, and beyond that we are going to try a requiem or something like that.  If it is scary Owner will stall at the first fence so we shall see.  In corrie bless its big heart, Carling black eyebrows has seduced thingy or Daniel who is that awkward boy in the Barlow dynasty.  Peter is jealous BUT does not know that Carling is a kidney short of a full pack.  Thingy told ZZEEEEdan she had fallen in love with another girlie BUT she still loved him and could not understand why he was upset....Feelan is still being nasty and NO ONE is stopping him and big TIM has left with nice Faye as they hate him so much.  Over in Enders the long and winding storyline of the Heist is still going strong.  the light relief for Owner, is Staycee had nothing to do with the Heist and has locked herself in the house with the childer.  Likewise tiffannee lampshade is in there too.  We look forward to Casualtee  which in Owner's view EXCELLED itself last week and have to fit in the VOICE, the new one, ALL TOGETHER NOW and then falling on ice.  and yes, for the third week, LAMARR is saved.X (we all want that kind of luck said Owner and I have to again agree, Even Jason who is Mr Nasty judge saved him. I mean.X)

 

I do hope folks this will go some way to sorting out your FEB. Surely someone will want Owner (for a good day's work folks and yes if you are a millionaire reading this you could do a lot worse for your money just saying.X) and we can all sit back and relax whilst she is out slaving away for our biscuits and such.  I am still on a diet and I cannot understand why I only get a miniscule portion and Ruggles has 2 pouches. Bertrude as you know eats at will so really folks I do think I have a case.XX

 

So best paws forward for the second week of FEB and do your upmost to turn it into a FUN FEB week!!Big love Wonka X