Spidder Season X

WHAT IS A SPIDDER WONKA? YOU all shout at me wide awake and enjoying your bank holidee weekend if you having one where you are (and if you're not, do enjoy it anyway!!X|) - FOLKS surely you recall we renamed spiders SPIDDERS to make them more user friendly??? For Owner that is (ME? I just treat them like any other moving object and chase it..............X)

So folks when one of these spidders moved in for a bank holidee weekend itself, the other morning - treating the sink area as its hotel room...........we took fairly immediate action.  Owner went
OH! OH! and jumped back a good few feet - luckily folks and thanks for asking I was not nearby and in danger of being crushed to death and neither was Rug.  And all of this because a Spidder with unusually long legs and a big body was rooted to the bottom of the sink.  I mean.X

 

There it is!! or rather there it was and folks, let me tell you despite Owner giving it a helping piece of cardboard to scamper back out, did it run behind the mirror and stay there!! To turn up in the same place the following morn.

 

HAS IT MOVED IN OWNER? I asked, helpfully I thought after Owner had repeated her actions of the day before OH! OH! and leaped back. Once more Owner assisted it out of the sink into a nearby plantpot where it had a small go at climbing up the wall fell down and went behind the mirror.  I know what you are thinking folks, was it a message to IF AT FIRST YOU DON'T SUCCEED TO TRY TRY AGAIN??  Folks for all I know it could have been, and as I keep saying Owner can be very trying (I whispered that last bit and folks, she didn't hear me) but then, Owner had one of her sparks of intelligence!!

 

SHALL I LEAVE THE PLUGHOLE THING OUT WONKA AS IT MAY WANT TO CLIMB DOWN IT!!  Now you are all singing itsy bitsy Spider climbed up the spout, down came the rain and washed poor itsy out!! Folks whatever the reasoning behind it, it worked and SO FAR into the good bank holidee weekend, no giant Spidder has been sighted.X

 

In other news, the world of pollytics as you know cannot run smoothly and it isn't with news of Donwald the Trump and familee edging nearer and nearer to the end run, Jezzer explaining himself in a way that only he understands and worse still NOT ONE WORD from Tresa Grey who may be lost up a mountain, down one of those caves or just laying in a darkened room.X

 

Luckily Owner has had a few programmes to take her mind off aged sibling and parent who have between them racked up a lot of phone calls and emails folks.  One of them even involved taking umbrage at taking umbrage - you have heard of double jeopardy folks, well this is like making a counter complaint thingy wotsit and is like a silly game where you hope and pray someone intelligent calls an end to it.  Was this Owner you all suggest hopefully?  Folks it was!!! Very proud.

 

So we snuggled up to the last Unforgotten and it was as good as we thought it would be, we cuddled up to Age before Beauty where Teddy (played by our fave Robson Green) is not playing nice and we love it, and our best news is that Celebrity Masterchef is back on our screens.  In Corrie, Sean has finally confessed to Billy the great and good Vicar of the Street busy helping and praying and wotnot, well at last he knows that Sean who is his Ex (I know.X) is homeless and has moved heaven and earth to help him - well he has moved him into his flat and chucked that funny girl out. WHAT IS HER NAME Owner kept muttering to me.  Audrey is with Lewis and Gail is not happi.  AND, Jenni and Johnie are loving it at the Roverz BUT naughty Henry is playing some dark games - wait til Gemma finds out!!  Tonight if I can settle Owner down it is Casualtee and we now know that Jacob nursey will be in Strictly this year!!! OOOOHHHH.XX

 

I will leave you with this happy thought folks, we have had news also of the next Peaky Blinders!! Twill be on Beeb One next year and in honour of this marvellous event Owner has rustled up a good cartoon of the bruvverly Bruvs. Arthur and Thomas Shelby!! X

 



 

There they are!! Arthur is Owner's bestest and she calls him off his head Arthur.  #peakyblinders we love you. X

 

 

Now folks it has been the usual full on busy bee week here and at last I can report a slight slowing down as Owner trots off to visit daughter and fambilee. I can rest up UN PEU whilst keeping a good eye on Rugglesis food I mean Ruggles!!  our best Aunty Paula who is the best cat sitter we know is coming in and out and in and out to look after us, and instead of Owner rushing round like a sufi in a whirligig it will be all nice and quiet.OF COURSE I MISS OWNER but she leaves lots of things for me to snuggle with.  XX

 

Next week is the very last week in August folks, so trim your sails and start keeping a good eye on that central heating computer thingy as it may spring into action with these cold nights!! And the week after that do those pesky students return to their Skools......

but Owner is ready for all of this and the highlight of her week was to purchase a new pair of Boots.  THEY ARE THE BIZ Wonka, she droned to me, and hasn't stopped going on about them - but as you all know if Owner is all kitted out and happi - it is good news all round!!! X

Keep your Fur on, bristle your whiskers and smile through those teef!! Big Love Wonka XX



Are we there yet??!!

WHAT DO YOU MEAN WONKA ARE WE THERE YET?
This is a well worn out (OH no that's just Owner!sorry Owner XX) phrase that people always say on a LONG journey OR their sorry lives, they say: Are we there yet!!  it is also an indication of travel folks, and holidee fever andwotnot.  Now you all recall last week and the horrid holidee cancellation - so we weren't anywhere yet except up the swanny without a paddle!! BUT Owner swung into manic action last Tuesdee and booked herself onto that bloomin Eurostar to get to the continent and meet up with daughter!!X

 

There it is!! the holidee maker!! aka the credit card.  We love it.X

 

ME? thanks for asking AND as you know it is a happy holidee for me and OH alright Ruggles because I get to chase him without anyone telling me off, Ruggles gets to hiss at me without Owner going STOP IT NOW, and our beloved catsitter Paula spoils us to bits.  Endof.XX

 

what else has gone wrong I mean happened in the week and here it is, the actions of a frazzled Owner:  the car with no name was nicely booked in for its MOT yesterdee that was Fridee and on thursdee Owner decided to pop some oil in - and do all of this in the car park to Aged's nursing home.  THEN WHATWONKA you all mumble up falling asleep or at least dozing off mid story.  THEN good folks, instead of popping oil into the thingy Owner pops anti freeze in it instead.  I KNOW.  The only good thing about this, is that Owner realised when she looked at the empty bottle with her glasses on it did not say SUPER FANTASTIC OIL it said SUPER FANTASTIC ANTI FREEZE.  WOE!! so she rang the garage toot sweet and they came to the rescue. I DIDN'T Start the engine she droned to them..............that being the main only good thing.XX

DID THE CAR WITH NO NAME get rescued from that possibly life threatening (to the car) disaster.YES but it then went on to fail its MOT.  it is still being fixed up in the garage and Owner is fixing up her money accordingly.XX

 

 

There it is! and luckily not transporting Owner abroad.  Hurry up and get well soon Car with no name!! XX

 

In the silly billy world of pollytics Jezzer has been up to his usual shenanigans overwatering stuff on the allotment, and Vinnie has spoken out against something from somewhere and as for Tresa Grey not a whimper.  Not one. Donwald the Trump continues to do what he likes and sack anyone that gets in his way of that.  In other words, he is living the dream and some.

 

On the telly welly, Owner has clung to Corrie and Carling Black eyebrows has won the factory back from thingy BUT at the price of sharing it with Peetah who has suddenly fallen in lerve all over again.  Sally and Tim are falling out of lerve now she's been arrested for fraud AND allegedly having an affair with the real fraudster.  I MEAN.  Owner has stuck to what's left of her guns and refused to watch Enders.  so we cannot say if Staycee is in it or Shazzer is still with fil.  We are stuck like glue to Unforgotten we love it and Casualtee where Ethan is a true friend to his aleisha and that new paramedic is growing on us.  More or less.XX

 

Now the other night Owner suddenly thought of Bertie Bubb and alright I sometimes miss that funny old cat too BUT I have warned Owner against coming home with a kitten.  I have XX

 

There is just about another two beautiful weeks before all those pesky students return to their skools and colleges folks and then we'll know all about it.  I have thrown a 5p into the wishing well folks to ensure Owner is employed by any of them otherwise we might starve.  IS OWNER'S HAIR STILL ALRIGHT you suddenly remember and all want to know.  She trotted to the new hairdresser that she loves and had it all chopped off folks. WHAT you all shout up, is there DE RIEN de CHEVEUX??? there is un peu de hair left folks and to be furry fair - if Owner likes it WE LIKE IT.  End of XX

 

Now I always try to stay positive even when Owner's mood setting is minus instead of plus.  It has been hardgoing this week and I did say to Owner several times there are lots of folk worse off than you but I did whisper it from behind the door at the top of the housey whilst she was boiling the kettle on the ground floor - so she may well have missed this sage advice.  I am hoping for a better week of it though folks with nice things in it!!X

 

Try not to watch anything that makes you shout at the telly (there is a new quiz show that has this effect called impossible celebrities.) try to get your cars through their MOTS without costing munney and stay focused with your glasses on to read the small print!! Give your fur a make over and look the Biz! Big Love Wonka XX

 

 



Change of Plan!!

WHAT NOW WONKA! you all say to me worried and nervous and FOLKS! you want to be nervous as wait for it - (music rising to a ghastly crescendo.....violins in the background wailing and scraping....) OWNER's BEST HOLIDEE is cancelled.  There I have whispered it folks without Owner hearing me..........
WHAT HAPPENED WONKA? you all want to know, fearful that Owner's disappointment will rebound on ME and oh alright Ruggles.

As you recall folks Owner was very excited BACK IN FEBRUARY when she found a tour operator that did tours of the WW1 BATTLEFIELDS.......... as her best Great Uncle Percy Perry died there fighting for his King and country!! So she was rather looking forward to seeing his name on the world famous Menin Gate and standing there as the Last Post plays, which it does every evening folks, in Ypres or Wipers, where the gate is. so why is it all cancelled you wonder up in your droves, just why??
All because folks, despite Owner selecting her home town for the coach to collect her from AND drop her back off in four days's time - suddenly the coach will not come there!! NO, it must not pick Owner up because according to the robot aka customer service person - it would be 80 miles out of the way!!! Owner has taken it out on the plants and foliage folks, moving things at topspeed and weeping into a hankie BUT today we are moving forwards and something really important has helped us on!!

Owner's hair went right!!! XXX

 

There we are folks! just like the good old days when our roving hairdresser used to brave it and do Owner's hair!! Nowadays, she pops to the one in town 'Where you don't need an appointment' NO you just wait on a little chair until Kelsey is free to give you a nice hairdo that you won't hate when you get home................XXX

 

Now that Owner isn't going on THAT holidee, it begs the question of where she IS going to.  To see Daughter in the never Netherlands that's where!! it is Birfdee season coming up again, and Owner is having a big one, but first up is aged sibling THEN it is daughter and then Owner.XX

 

In other lesser news it has been the week from hell and we are blaming all those backward planets and eclipses.  DE RIEN has gone right up until Owner woke up and noted her hair had set itself in the night into a style that she liked.  I did say to Owner that perhaps it wasn't the hair that had changed but her perception of it (very proud of this insight which I may have read over Owner's shoulder in one of her books.X) - but I whispered it from my new hidey. I FEEL MORE LIKE IT TODAY she droned to me, having been all round the little outback checking on the plants and shrubs she moved yesterday and sellotaping up a couple of twigs that had come undone. (this did work on a buddleia branch folks, either that or the magic spell I cast when she wasn't looking!x)

 



 

There we are!! Ruggles keeping a beady eye on me folks!!The little outback we love it.XX

 

All the pollyticians are on their hols except when they're not and all over the news it is still boring boris who writes a column in a newspaper that a few people read AND makes poor jokes at other people's expense.  NOT GOOD and a cheap laugh never bodes well no wonder he is no longer the stand up comedian for the foreign office is it?? - and down on the allotment Jezzer is doing a bit of weeding but he may have missed some whilst Vinnie is definitely on his hols as he is as quiet as a mousey.X

 

On the good TV, Owner has clung to her fave progs AND watched the grand finale of Versailles...SIGH. We love a newbie series called Age before Beauty and I did say to Owner you know all about that Owner but she may not have heard me above the kettle boiling for a nice cup of tea. Then in Corrie Gemma and Henry miss out on buying the rovers and instead Jonnie who pinched babee soosie has bought it with his Jenny.  and LIZ will not leave her post behind the bar even though Jonnie thought it best if she did. 'I'M GOING NOWHERE!' she says. Abi has fallen for Steve who is marrying Tracee and Carling black eyebrows told Peetah to get lost when he said how good they were together....tonight we are on the edge of the red settee with Casualtee folks as last week was a mighty cliffhanger with the ambulance skittering on the motorway before it turned over!!! XX

 

In between all these horrid happenings with smug robots chiming on about how they would deal with your crisis (they would smile and be nice and drag all the way to the nearest pick up point even though it means setting off in the middle of the night and paying a taxi hundreds of pounds AND being put down miles from home at midnight or thereabouts.............. X) and Owner admits to being a really bad customer full of sarcasm and nastiness.  I TOLD THEM IT WOULD COME BACK ON THEM WONKA!! Oh, that Karma thing...................every cloud I says back.......XXXX

 

Now folks, turn the other furry cheek and IF this should happen to you with your best holidee, don't despair I say because I reckon an even better holidee NOT costing an arm and a leg is round the corner.  I do.XX  so best paw forward, sleek down that fur and NO NIBBLING!! big Love Wonka XX

 

No Unicorns or Dinosaurs X

HAVE YOU HAD A PROPER LOOK Wonka??

folks I have searched all over the housey and ok YES I found a couple of dinosaurs - one is a pencil sharpener.  And the other one is a charity Dino.  BUT no unicorns as yet folks. 
IS THIS A FAILING ON OWNER'S PART? A LACK OF FORESIGHT as all are buying unicorns and dinos like they are going out of fashion Wonka.

Folks, I had a similar word with Owner once she had stopped off in her sufi whirligig and trance to listen to me. Owner I says up - surely you would make some sales in your newbie Etsy shop and craft fair wotnot if you had a few prints and cards of said Dinos and Unicorns. 

YOU COULD HAVE SOMETHING THERE WONKA she droned back to me, and also went on a giant search of the housey for these bears and toys.  like me, she could not find a unicorn as yet. XX

 

There we are folks! And whilst she was busy hunting down the dinos and searching hi and lo for a unicorn she found another one RAH - it is the free standing one in the middle folks who is NOT  charity case OR a pencil sharpener he is JUST a tyranisaurus REX.  (spelling.  I know. it is really TYRANNOSAURUS X)

 

folks you know I have a job and  half on keeping Owner occupied and on point (she specially hates that phrase possibly on a par with 'spiking' and 'spiked' so I have to whisper it to you.X) and as for the unicorn shortage - how on earth you all wonder up, does she expect to make any sales at all from her crafty stall OR the new Etsy shop without one??? Folks! I have said the self same thing - alright from the safety of my new hidey which as you know took owner three excursions round the house to find.X

Here we are folks!! The very latest mumsted print now that Owner has slaved away this aft doing it.  keep up the good work Owner!! I says to her bang on my teatime......................X

 

Aside from opening her shop on Etsy, attending art and craft fairs, dabbling away with her sketch pen AND visiting the aged and shopping AND meeting her new Etsy pals what has Owner been up to??  We did manage to fit in a bit of a DVD (the Appartment with Jack Lemmon it is a classic Owner droned to me) and clung to Corrie for all it is worth - little Suzee babe has now left the show to get to France with Evah - who declared her undying lerve for Ayden (who is dead and in Heaven - it turns out he was such a good person and the entire street miss him....) and Craigie and Bethenee are back to besties again - what else OH YES, Gemma has fallen for Henry's rotten trap and is working behind the bar in the Rovers......all the time that scoundrel has someone else - BUT Chesnee is on the case.  Shawn is still homeless and keeping it a BIG secret and has been mugged in keeping with being homeless - and finally Adam did not fling off to France with Evah and the babe because he realised HOW MUCH she still lerves  Ayden even though he is out of the series and dead.  In Versailles Louis is nastier than ever, and Philippe is getting drunk.  Fabien has discovered his values and true beliefs (all that torture though.....) and Chevalier may have got himself arrested.  it is the very last episode on Mundee and HOW we shall miss it ZUT ALORS!!! and mais oui. somehow folks after the relentless sport this Summer has thrown our way there is more!! it calls itself the ~European Championships and goodness me not a sniff of blastit in evidence it is all very sporty and WALL TO WALL on Beeb one or two.  EVERY TIME I POP the telly on Wonka, says Owner to me in between all those two thousand jobs alright two or three - YES WHEN I TURN IT ON they are whizzing round a track on those funny bikes.  surely there are other events??? X

 

YES all those silly pollyticians are on their holidees OR holding meetings abroad in nice places that we yes WE the proletariat are funding!!! Owner told me off then for sounding like Jezzer or on the verge of a French revolution but I said they are too polite for that in this country.  Donwald the Trump bleated on about fake news (well it may have been him - OR a cover artist we are not sure) and how he was not late to meet her Maj and he divided this country up into bits when it is STILL united.  Just about.XX  PS we know nothing of Vinnie he must be on the other side of the world maybe going on about the lib dems from there.XX

 

The new bird feeders are working a treat after Owner worrying herself silly that NO BIRD WOULD FIND THEM.  Instead folks, rest assured that the whole neighbourhood of birds that is sparrows, starlings, other ones, pigeons and that have found both feeders and are making a heck of a racket alongside the newbie gulls and their parents.  The little outback is a jungle of bees birds and butterflies and we love it.X

 

 

 

 





 

There they are, squealing away and their offspring tooting well into the evening.XX

 

Strangely folks, not all the neighbours love the wildlife like Owner does BUT she says to me Wonka, that is my cross to bear!!  We love the littleoutback and all the visitors who come round and remember folks in this HOT weather to leave plenty of water out for all of the visitors!!X

 

ME? thanks for asking, I got a dab on the neck with something called ADVANTAGE though I cannot see for the life of me what it is OH YES it means I will not be troubled by pesky fleas and wotnot.  Ruggles had a dab too and ran off shortly after, upstairs.  Of course since then I have continued to nibble and prune myself as usual causing Owner to question whether the treatment is working.  I SAID IT WAS FOR YOU Wonka, she tells me, meaning they have a record of my size at the Vets  (which I am very proud of folks.X) and she says , she had a nice long chat with the receptionist about how hard it is to lose weight....FROM A CAT.  I mean.xx

 

Now next week folks, who knows what could happen OR it may have already come to pass - Owner gave up on growing her hair WHAT FOR and came home with it back to normal on Fridee - and has had her weekly complain and sort (the Aged's bank.X) so hopefully next week can come along nicely and behave itself. Like the boyscout's motto (unless they have upgraded it along with all else..X) BE PREPARED and if opportunity knocks on the door FLing that door open!! Big Love Wonka XX