The Lost Hour !

WHERE IS IT WONKA? you all whisper to me from deep inside your duvets and settee shrouds I mean blankets (THROWS Wonka shouts Owner to me and she should know folks she has a knitted one to wrap round her twice if the temperature drops below 21 degrees C.X) - back to the important job of mentioning the LOST HOUR folks as it is tonight that the complex job of adjusting ALL the clocks will go on.  YOU WILL LOSE AN HOUR drones the information about this on the news as the CLOCKS GO BACK.  But folks, what of this missing hour??

 

folks there we are!! In #spookytale the lost hour features!!  This story is the prequel to another haunting tale, all about Alice Snood, A New Year's Eve tale, and then the sequel, another Story for the New Year.  Alice, her sister Elizabeth and their Dad are all characters in Spooky Tale, as is Ginger Tom above - and as for the clock - it too has a story to tell and you will find out just what happened in the 'lost hour!!'......all on smashwords.com folks - three smashing haunting tales for you! (all ready for Halloween...........)X

 

Owner has bought a few sweets alright enough sweets for an entire primary school if they come trick or treating.  PLUS, the aged's new nursing home is doing a Trick or Treat couple of hours.  Owner did mumble something about bringing a Witch's hat but I do hope her Mother (and her acute hearing) did not hear that.  She may have been too busy going on about the COLLOSAL noise that the visiting singer was making....... I DID TRY AND SMOOTH THAT ONE OVER WONKA, droned Owner to me when she crawled back in from yet another failed visit.  Apparently and despite Owner's exemplary (need a lie down now) visiting attendance, she had not visited enough this past week and it had stuck in the Aged's mind, whilst getting the Sunday Paper had not (I DIDNT GET IT she told Owner who had just seen it up in her room.  I know.X)

 



 

Ah! More of Ginger Tom from 'Spooky Tale' - here he is on the shelf by the Napoleon hat clock............X

 

What else you wonder has gone on apart from failed visits and wotnot.  Folks, the wicked world of wirk has given Owner the elbow and she really thinks she is ON THAT SHELF along with Ginger Tom.  I mean, there is surely enough for her to do between dabbling with the old paint box here and there, scribbling a bit and the rest of the time SHOPPING FOR US, FEEDING US, CLEANING OUT THE FACILITIES!! they don't just clean themselves folks!!  Now you will all want to make sure I haven't boxed the newbie into a corner and told it to pack a bag (smallish) and leave!!  or eaten it!! or squashed it!! NON not a bit of it folks, infact I have remained my usual friendly self and only hissed and growled occasionally and well out of Owner's hearing.  STOP IT WONKA NOW!! she will shriek at me.X

 

As PURR this silly billy bloggy thing as gone and published itself without my say so. SPOOKY OR WOT!

 

 

 

Talking of Growling - here is Growler, also a star of the Spooky Tale and he is a hearing dog!! sort of.XX

 

 

Now it really is silly to even mention pollytics at the moment as 95% of it according to Tresa Grey IS ALRIGHT and it is just that measly 5 % holding us all up from getting anywhere.  I know.  Jezzer is still pretty quiet although he may be running a lecture somewhere on how to grow a clematis - and folks if he is Owner has some tips for him - the first being to dump his second in command head gardener that johnny boy chap alongside a good few others of the dig.  All other parties are blaming the other parties for anything their parties haven't got right. Donwald the Trump just blames everyone for everything that went wrong and congratulates himself if it goes right (hardly ever) like the good orange school boy he is.X

 

 

We are clinging to the Strictly - which had a guest judge calle Alfonso.  someone has to be called that said Owner, - and the Hex Factor who manage to vote off one of the better singers in the first LIVES.  Other than this, the Apprentice is still full of shrieking squabbling one armed teams babbling on about how much they sold OR WHAT THEY COULD HAVE SOLD.  for the life of us, neither me nor Owner can spot a winner as yet. In Corrie land Nick is receiving texts from someone who he is lying to and calling Leeane his mother.  I know.  He does have a friend though in Symon who thinks he is great. Rita eats chipolatas for breakfast and who could have known that, and Tracee has pulled yet another nasty stunt by stealing laptops and wrecking cars BUT avoiding arrest by letting a know thief and druggie take the blame.  SHINAID is still suffering and pretending she isn't.  IS DANIEL completely stupid you all wonder up and folks...................X

 

 

So there we are OH YES it was my yearly trip to the Vets, and just how good was I????? so good, I didn't trouble to come out of the giant crane I mean cat basket and had to be TIPPED out by the vet.  You will also be keen to know that I have maintained my weight (I cannot understand why Owner kept apologising.....x) and apart from a heart murmur................WHAT!! you all gasp up!!  folks the Vet has advised Owner to watch out in case I suddenly start to lose weight................I realise this might be difficult to spot but I will keep you posted.  In the meantime I do expect to be spoilt rotten.XX

 

 

It is half term next week folks, so do try and avoid packs of students running wild and up to no good but looking the opposite.  gone are the days of bob a job and friendly children asking you if you need help..............it will more likely be a

 

demand for TRICK OR TREAT - but Owner is ready for that, we have pink bat lights (TICK) the sweets already mentioned (TICK) and Maximillian Snow Leopard will don his witch's hat (TICK).  Have a peaceful Halloween folks and say a few good spells on the way.  Big Love Wonka XX

 



Winter is Coming

BUT IT IS STILL ALL SUNNY AND BLUE SKIES HERE Wonka you all mumble from your best position on the chair or settee.  MARK MY WORDS folks, as soon as Owner fell back in from her latest shopping expedition clutching a new WINTER coat, I took it as a sign.  Expect freezing conditions to arrive any minute.  SO grapple in the Narnia cupboards for the wellies, find your thermostat molecular (what is that word?X? gloves, your Dr Phew scarf and thick socks....ME? thanks for asking, I as you know already sport a pretty decent fur coat AND usually cuddle up to one of the searing hot rads around this good homeo......unless little pip Squeak got there first in which case.....................X

There he is!! our best Ruggles who used to have a heated pad when he lived in our kitchen but these days he has an entire settee stroke library and is at this very moment snuggled on the softest cushion there is.X  jealous? ME? not a bit of it.XX

HAS OWNER TAKEN THE COAT BACK YET WONKA? you all shout up, wide awake and trying to imagine Owner in it.  so far, she has tried it one three times, tried it on with different scarfs, hung it up and touched it, pinned a poppy on it, and looked at it several times a day BUT as yet has not worn it outside AND there is no hint it must go back to the shop.  Does this colour suit me Wonka? she droned to me and folks I said YES IT DOES as quick as a flash it being practically slamming up to my tea time and me being starving.  folks it is the colour of the turning leaves of Autumn and OF COURSE it suits Owner, she looks a dream. end of.XX

There is still no talk of work and at this rate Owner will concentrate so hard on looking after US three (the newbie Squeak is growing so fast I have warned against spoiling it etc.X  I know.X) visiting the aged in her new home and SHOPPING - how will she fit anything else in this busy routine?  I did mention to Owner that a few days work here and there wouldn't go amiss but she may not have heard me above watching The Apprentice on catch up and shouting at one of the women who was being very annoying I DIDNT CATCH HER NAME WONKA she kept saying to me....... folks, she will probably go on to win it.XX

 

There we are folks one of Owner's old cartoony wotsits and the main thing that has not changed since it was born (and Owner has been in thrall to it since it was X) is Lordy Lord Sugah.X

 

Now in the bewildering world of pollytics, all is on hold, or backed up, or in a transition OR on a massive march.  The march was attended by all the main parties except for Jezzer who must have got himself locked in the shed for the day. will the peasants I mean people have another go at voting for a mysterious unclear secretive knitting pattern called Blastit?  Who can say.  Mrs May continues to trot here and there wearing a different ball and chain round her neck each time.  A smooth operator calling himself Dom Rabbit or something very like it, talked to Andrew Marr, and also trotted out a load of charming waffle about more doorstops and draught excluders until I was quite giddy and Owner was revving up for a right good shout at the telly.  I suggested watching the first repeat of the Hex Factor to calm her nerves folks and it worked.  donwald the trump who doesn't deserve a capital, is busy believing stories that a three year old would question but he was colouring in at the time.X

 

Owner is managing to fit in The Apprentice as you know with no firm fave as yet BUT (sound of KlaXON) is now supporting Charles and Karen in Strictly.  We watched their street dahnce darlings and BLIMEY was it good or was it AMAZINK. so now we have FOUR faves and only three votes.  I know.  On the Hex Factor Owner is plonking for a Jamaica chappie called Dalton something and she shouted Winner after about two seconds of him singing.  We love Robbie and AIYDAH his wife and won't hear a word against them.  In Corrie all is gone to the police station or the hospital only proving my point that there should be a spin off series now based in either of them.  SHINAID has got an impossible decision to make and has not told Daniel.  Owner is droning on about a Greek Tragedy and dilemmas but I have ignored her so far. Petah is up against it with his new and horrid employee who is the mother of that equally horrid son who made SYMON's life a misery. Can Petah sort it without carling black eyebrows getting involved and me and Owner both think not.  XX  PS we are avoiding the quiz show called letterbox and the confusion over the pronunciation (GULP.x) of H which we all know is AITCH but she will not let it go if someone says HAITCH.  Annoying beyond annoying even to me folks.X

 

There we are folks! That was last year and it is SO LAST YEAR and it also means, that our beloved EggHeads is on at the silly time of quarter to five when no one PERSONNE is ready to sit down and watch anything.  IF by a million to one chance anyone from the Beeb is reading this can you please swap these programmes round!!!! X

 

Do take it steady folks and try not to be anxious if your feline suddenly lashes out at a newbie who has done nothing DE RIEN to deserve this attention except by darting around and frolicking about and coming just too close..................... I am such a friendly furry purry thing most of the time folks but even I have my limits.  Owner told me to take a deep breath and count to ten and I said what like you do Owner? but luckily she didn't hear me above the kettle coming up to boil. So approach next week with your best winter coat lined up and you claws sharpened at the ready for whatever comes your way.  Big Love Wonka X



 



Porridge Days X

WONKA DO YOU MEAN SALAD DAYS? you all shout at me impatient for some gos (just popped that one in as Owner hates abbreviations.X) and wondering where I have been.  As you know folks I have been extra busy supervising the new smelly tot Squeak who is being spoilt rotten and I am not jealous.  NON! not a bit of it.  anyhow, the weather has gone from freezing to boiling hot in a matter of hours but today is back to its proper Autumn setting - hence folks the start of the porridge run...............X 

 

There we are!!and Owner is using the new cupcats as a measure.  YES they are measuring cups folks but I did say to owner will you use them as such or will they simply gather dust and fur and wotnot on the tray.....she may not have heard me above the kettle boiling though.X

 

Now as much as I don't want to take up precious gossip time on the newbie Squeak which is fairly well taking up all our supervision time AND the house has turned into a toyshop stroke nursery, may I just say that ME and Ruggles are bearing up well with it all.  I have not used up my SSSSSSSSSSSS and GRRRRRR quota as yet and neither has Rug.  Mind you, he sleeps through most of the newbie's advances except yesterday when it crept towards Rug who was washing on the red settee library AND only at the last moment betwixt licking his paw did he notice a scruffy black wispy thing coming towards him.  DID HE HISS AND GROWL AND FRIGHTEN the little KitKat Wonka?  Now this is the strange thing folks AND the hypothesis for my next thesis entitled Dementia in Felines..............ruggles just looked at Squeak and carried on washing.  Owner began to breath again and so did I.X

 

There it is!! Even now it is gnawing on a wire and Owner is using up her STOP IT NOW quota.X

 

Now amongst the thrillion annoying and infuriating events going on (Rug sitting like a troll under the bench outside watching for aliens/Vikings/visiting cats/anything else and refusing to come in - HURRY UP IT IS FREEZING RUG! shouts Owner....) we have somehow navigated the week just gone out the window - number one infuriating event is not having any money or work.  This really is annoying and prompted Owner to send a message to her old place of work that is chock full of pesky students all thinking they know it all and how good they are and how fab they look (owner fits in with this like a dream....SORRY OWNER!x) to beg for her old job back or something very like it........amazingly she got a positive response and after filling out yet another application form (I DO HOPE she droned to me THIS IS THE LAST ONE EVER IN MY LIFE x) she awaits the next step.  Folks, I cannot wait for Owner to disappear out the door so I can sit back and relax without a whirlwind of activity going on disturbing my much needed zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

 

In the wig ridden world of pollytics, well some of them are wearing them surely, it all bumbles on with Owner shouting at the Marr Show and so forth.  Since the big party where they all clap themselves silly, Jezzer has not been seen and we wonder if he is having a brain lift OR is simply tending to his allotment.  Likewise Vinnie has been as quiet as the zillion mouses in this house being batted about by Squeak.  Tresa Grey bobs from one meeting to another with yet another set of balls round her neck that Owner says is a BIG statement necklace.  All are shouting on and on about Blastit and the cliff edge is looming.  No one has any idea and it turns out Ingerland is the only bit of the realm that is supposed to be glad.Shall we run away to sconny botland Owner keeps saying and folks, I do love a bit of tartan.X  ps Donwald the trump is still orange and choosing a new toy every week and getting it.XX

 

There she is!! On the subject of Mouses in Houses, this is #Milo the mouse from one of the #Duffel stories, the one where Duffel turns up in the Louvre with Sam, searching for that missing Will.

Duffel and the Inheritance on smashwords.com xx

 

Now luckily, beyond checking up on the aged who has moved homes and is seemingly alright with that, the telly has kept Owner on the straight and narrow.  Mostly it has been Strictly and the Hex Faktor keeping Owner from going funny.  We love Oti and Swanny and have warmed to a comedian (?) called Seann (two N's folks) Walsh who had to apologise for kissing his dance partner KATYA.  Folks with a name like that I am not repeat not saying a further word. It has been Judges Mouses which Owner loves so much we watch it on repeat on double repeat and treble repeat.  so far some decent acts have made it through to the LIVES as we love it. I have more or less barred Owner from Enders as it does wind her up to mood setting OVER THE TOP but in Corrie, there are some contenders - horrid pretend daughter HannAH has been one of them but was last seen driving off into the darkness with Liz's ex hubbie and his annoying Irish accent, so he has.  Steve and Tracey nearly got through their wedding without a mishap until there was one, and Daniel married SHINAID who has Not revealed her cancer. leeane got run over by a mad drug dealer (I KNOW.x) and is in a coma thing in the hospital that is a star in its own right and I would suggest as a spin off CORRIE HOSPITAL!! anyway guess who turned up by her bedside but NICK, David's bruverly bruv!! We love it! X

 

Blow me down this thing has published itself without me asking it to.  Now all I am saying is, with the wind getting up, with the seasons all going to pot, keep your fur sleeked down and your eye on the road ahead - just stay steady folks and you will get there!! laugh in the face of wotnot and wotsit! big Love Wonka X

 

 

 



There still are three!

DO YOU MEAN Wonka, that little pip Squeak, who arrived at your good homeo a week last Friday HAS NOT BEEN
a) eaten by Ruggles
b) returned as faulty
c) got lost in any one of the trillion hidey places in your nook and cranny.

NEITHER OF THE ABOVE.  I am pleased to own up I mean report that little Tich, (that is Squeak) is very much a part of the household AND I have even sniffed noses without wrestling it to the ground.  I admit that once or twice Owner did accuse me of being a bully boy. MOI??  Even now as I pass on all the news for this week, it is fast over just under the big red library stroke settee (never forget it is the books that are holding the settee up) whilst Rug is atop and I am pretty close to a searing hot rad.  Autumn is here and we must keep warm.XX

 

There it is!! perched on Owner's best picnic arty farty hamper.I hope Owner, I said up, it does not do anything untoward on it.  Thank you Wonka she droned, but so far, Squeak is using the facilities like a goodun.  Give it time! I replied, helpfully I thought, but from well behind a door two floors up so she may not have heard me. XX

 

 

Now in other news, the aged has been moved from one nursing home to another all in the name of good practice.  If follows that so far, the aged has not liked it and laid a good guilt trip on Owner - I DID NOT SLEEP WELL I HAD A TERRIBLE NIGHT - this is what Owner reports from the last fraught visit.  She has been thinking of doing a blog on it all, a bit like mine - I did say, don't pinch all my good ideas Owner, but again it was whispered and it was meant as a joke. In the meantime, Owner is droning on about buying bigger televisions and more pillows all in the name of settling the aged into her new abode.  It is all new - new routines, new people to remember new rooms so now wonder folks that Owner's mum is disorientated ( need a lie down now...) but I think it will all turn out....I mean me and Ruggles didn't know whether we were in the New Year or New York when we arrived here and look at us now!! X (2 years' on.....)

 

In the wicked world of pollytics, Welsh Wales are talking of going independent and so is Sconny Botland - soon it will be back to William the Conq and little Ingerland and Northern Ireland will be another country too.  That is if the sea doesn't swallow us all up in between times.  Donwald the Trump is running good old Americy like a business so that says all.  The only hope is that some folk come too out of their collective apathy and vote for a newbie.x  I haven't mentioned Tresa Gray or Jezzer and I'm not going to.XX

 

The telly has as usual done a great job in taking Owner's mind of the ageds and the distinct lack of money.  NO ONE.  Personne, have offered Owner any kind of job or likelihood of one.  Along with all the other downhill spirals this has been moaned about A LOT.  So, I have directed Owner to watching as many soaps as possible even un peu, a soupcon of Enders, just enough folks to get her rattled without throwing anything at the screen.  In Corrie, there are drug dealers threatening the entire connor family well Ryan anyway, and Liz still thinks scheming HannAHH is her long lost and previously thought dead daughter.  Brian has got the job of headmaster and little Jack now wheelchair bound is acting his remaining leg off. Owner tried to stay up for the Green Mile which she loves (and we know which bits to hide behind the cushion for) but could not manage it.  10 O'clock folks is the time we batten down the hatches and so far in, little tich is popped into the study for the night. Tonight we have the glory of Strictly and the Hex Factor which is Owner's fave - Judge's Mouses.  In the dancing we love Oti and Swanny and Danny and Amy - and are predicting that Lee will take a one way ticket tonight.  I COULD BE WRONG Wonka she droned to me....and folks, as you know anyone can go out, as the voting public are fickle and so are those pesky judges.  We have now warmed to Shirl and won't hear one word against her. End of.X

 



 

There they are! Kevin and Stacey doing the film week as Minions!! and it was a jive which we loved!! X

 

Now folks, if last week was hardgoing PLEASE take it steady for the week ahead.  You can do it!! YES YOU CAN.   Best paw and fur coat forward.  Big love Wonka XX