All to smile for Wednesdee

Wonka here.  Every so often good folks out there does Owner wake up on GOOD MOOD SETTING.  It could be a nice dream but she says cannot remember anything but maybe some presents in a room and Stephen Fry.  What a combination I said to dream of the wittiest man we know plus some gifts.  WASN'T IT she says back.  Now on the bed with Owner this morning is grumpy growler Bertie.  yes alright that is my name for him or her not Owner's who says it could be Gertie.  But, it was a lower growling as compared to the louder and persistent growling of yesterdee.  Bertie is getting the hang of the good life and just popping between his lair and the bed and shows no signs of wanting to live outside ever again.  I love it.

All smiles continue para.  Owner is transfixed by the snooker and I had to say to her OWNER it is time to get off to the job to earn a small amount of money to buy food for us with.  OOH YES she goes still looking at our hero Ronnie knocking the balls in.  Some time later she falls back in on about visits to aged sibling and parent and such like and I tried to listen but I was busy checking on Bertie growler and food levels.  ARE YOU LISTENING she goes and I had to say YES but really I wasn't.  but it turned out that Beloved hero Ronnie is through to the semis and poor Shaun Murphy got whitewashed.  Now for our photoshoot we have Owner's good cartoon of our early mornings: yes I have flown it up top, but I am on the side near to Owner in the good kitchen, and Bertie Growler is to the left at bottom and good Ruggles is peering in the window.  it is tiny and I tried to make it bigger Oh Well.

Still smiling despite a phone call para.  Who to you say straight off?  To the inland revenue folks out there and that is our code name for TAX.  Important things to note (list) 1.  if you are ringing up about your tax code remember to set aside half a day. 2.  A robot will ask you questions and try not to shout and get impatient (Owner) 3.  When, some time later (one hour) you do get through to a real person just agree with near enough all they say.  When they say YOU ARE NOT LISTENING agree with them and even own up that you were being a little impatient. 4.  laugh at any jokes they make. 5.  ~Call yourself silly and foolish at every opportunity.  This is the sure way said Owner (still smiling.  Just) to get on the right tax code.  We half love it.

final worn out with smiling now para.  Last night after the usual feeding fest, Owner got through Enders with no sign of any queen Vic folk are they all on hols, oh no she went, that girly one was in it chatting up Scarf and cancer ridden Carol's newly arrived daughter.  Masood is bereft of Saint Jane and thinks his daughter may have had something to do with it.  he is so right.  Holby City once more spent more time with mixed up doctors and nurseys etc than ill people and Happy Valley was anything but.  Owner reports it WENT A BIT DARK.  Not before bedtime was the conclusion.  tonight we are all behind thanks to the Inland Revenue and their poor contact system.  They must know we are desperate to get in touch about our poor and hard earned money and sit there next to ringing phones drinking tea and getting their own tax affairs in order.  if we get back on track says Owner there is good Corrie with twisted and confusing messages going back and forth and upsets all to play for.  We still think Steve will get with Amy or whatever her name is who is going out with his best mate and smiles and laughs all the time.  No one said Owner can be that happy.  Then there is good masterchef and more snooker if we can cope.  Now do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  Big Love wonka x

Super hero Tuesdee

Wonka here.  Who is this super hero you say to yourselves?  Is it Owner's beloved snooker hero Ronnie?  No it is not him even though we are glued to the telly watching his every cue.  Is it someone else you love, you are all saying?  We all know lots of good people who every day are doing wondrous things to help but no of course this is not a human it is an animal.  It is Sasha....

Sasha is to be awarded the PDSA Dickin medal which is the same as our Victoria Cross as it is awarded for super bravery.  So our photoshoot today is of Sasha an Army dog trained to find explosives in Afghanistan and who saved many soldiers and civilians by uncovering explosive devices and mines until losing her life and her handler's, Lance Corporal Ken Rowe, when she was just four.  She looks beautiful and we are in awe of her loyalty and unconditional love.  Not to forget her handler of course, also such a brave man.  Hankies away now!!

Back to earth para.  so whilst there are good animals such as Sasha filling up the good sanctuary in the sky and here on earth, life goes on and we still need feeding I said to Owner.  Now as you know, Bertie bubbles (don't ask) has moved in.  We spent a restless night with Bertie on the bed and under it which as you all know is my lair not his or hers.  so every time Owner woke up there was a fresh cat on the bed or one growling nearby.  I SHOULD CALL YOU GROWLER mumbled Owner when we finally got up.  There was the usual feeding frenzy as we all wanted our breakfast there and then and Owner was a bit slow this morning although when I mentioned it I was well behind the kitchen door and she may not have heard me.  Finally things settled down  apace and Bertie retreated to his real lair, the cavern under the stairs.  I might grow to love him.

Fresh super para.  Owner got on with the day and only moaned slightly about the job that is not quite making it. The little people are not the problem she goes to me it's when they get bigger.  I was only half listening as I have to keep my eye on the door to the cavern in case Growler stroke Bertie sidles out of it and clears my plate of food.  I like to leave a full plate of food and maybe go back to it 5 or 6 hours later but I may have to change this routine.   Now we spent the afternoon in different places.  Why you want to know?  Owner had an appointment that's why.  It is with a company that says it can get some money back for Owner and goodness knows we need any amount of that.  Was it worth the hour and a half of paperwork whilst our hero Ronnie was on the green baize against Shaun Murphy you say?  Well obviously I was under the bed the entire time, but Owner made the consultant who was so massive I thought it was a giant, sit in the living room on the blanket box while she watched the snooker. You could have signed your life away I said when I finally came back down as the giant left.  I KNOW she says back.  I love it, and Ronnie has just gone 4 frames up so we are all happy in this house.

Final heroic para.   Looking after me isn't easy and of course Owner gets tired the odd time, lugging back boxes of food plus cat litter and making sure my several dishes are full.  I do my bit though, keeping the giant nest stroke settee warm, exercising gently with the balls and mice to keep Owner amused and occasionally cuddling up in the deep of the night when she is fast asleep and wouldn't know.  but now there are more of us, I will have to make a stand to ensure Owner is not stretched and also to ensure I am first in the queue.  Growler has been in his lair all day and shows no sign of wanting to be outside.  Mr Beau on the other hand has nipped in and nipped off out in true hobo style.  Rug is yet to call and will be his usual teddy bear self.  Now tonight if Owner can stay up and not weaken there is a lot on offer and I don't mean Enders which is lingering long on murders and Ian.  he has seen off Cindy which can only be a good thing, and now Saint Jane and little Bobby have pitched off too.  They all have somewhere to go apparently.  If only the same were true for Kat says Owner and her boy who took rather a starring role last night giving her the thumbs down.  Spot on said Owner.  So more of that if we can bear it, and see who else is darting off to stay with an Auntie or such.  Soon said Owner there won't be anyone left except the big family in the Queen Vic and Masood.  We love him.  Then we can cope with a little bit of nursing and fallings out at Holby City before we come to a new series.  It is called Happy Valley and Owner will try and stay awake says.  Now do all of you good folks go steady out there in the Wold wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x

Full House Mundee

Wonka here.  At last a turn in the weather good folks out there possibly basking in the sunshine and heat and such like.  We, on the other hand, are still in coats and scarves and gloves.  perhaps it is just Owner in gloves.  Me? thanks for asking, well of course my fur coat is a coat for all seasons to misquote that famous film about Thomas More - owner says he is the one who would not 'pin his soul to another man's back' and kept the faith.  Of course it resulted in him losing his head like these things do in the Tudor court of henry viii and Owner cannot for the life of her recall the actor's name.  IT WILL DRIVE ME SILLY she goes.  Moving on swiftly, and back to the weather report, we have now seen some sunshine and felt a tad warmer.  This means Owner moves the dial thing on the wall back a notch til the heating goes off and then we are freezing.  To other good folks this would probably be a normal room temperature.  We love it.

Fresh and full para.  never mind that actor you say what is this Full House thing?  last night it turned into the full monty here.  Owner had grasped the nettle or whatever that daft expression is I much prefer took the bull by the horns, and brought Bertie inside.  Twice.  On the second go he realised instead of fighting against being in such luxurious surroundings he might calm down and enjoy it.  Yes he did growl at me pretty much non stop but I remained cool and calm under pressure, looking benign and friendly.  Even Owner remarked on it.  WELL DONE WONKA she said to me.  Now as you know we have a cavern come Narnia like cupboard under the stairs that has more or less a second household in it.  Luckily Bertie found just the right size space to squash into and hide.  We could just about hear his growl with the door open a tiny bit.  When he was snug and secure even popping out for a quick nibble on my best teatime does Mr Beau turn back up.  We are still coming to terms with his pat and mick episode the other night and there is a photoshoot to support this:  There is Owner and me at the bottom of the good stairs and to the left there is the big can of Vanish which says it can practically rebuild your entire home with a couple of squirts and to the right is that terror of the night Mr Beau Beau.  We sort of love him.  And finally does Ruggles appear on the step.  You'd  think we were a cat sanctuary said Owner, and I goes well we are aren't we? but she didn't hear me above opening cans and dishing out plates of food to all.

Fresh and final para.  Needless to say the whole night was fretful for Owner and jolly snug and peaceful for all of us.  Left to our own devices we tend to shake down and BE ALRIGHT!  so when we finally got up in the morning, it was all hands on deck for Owner as there were the four of us for the first sitting.  We love it!  Later on when it was just me and Owner I did ask for seconds but she didn't hear me above washing up hundreds of cat dishes.  So I just had to snuggle down on my giant nest stroke settee and wait for the next snack drop.  Yes Owner has been out to the job that isn't quite making it, been to the supermarket that says it is saving us lots of money when it isn't and fallen back in through the good front door.  I FEEL WORN OUT she goes, but she is smiling when she says it as the Sheffield weekend is glimmering away.  And she has chosen an outfit.  But says she doesn't like her hair. ?.  Now tonight it is of course Corrie x 2 and Enders X 1.  There are love triangles and mix ups and Lianne must tell nice Nick the truth, Madeh must get on a fast train out of there and surely Maria and Fiz are headed for a show down.  In Enders it is a full on grief stricken affair except in the Queen Vic where they are busy growing the biggest extended family including puppies that we've ever seen.  Owner is not happy about Masood who she says is being strung along by Saint Jane.  Now do go steady out there in the Wold folks wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x

Sanctuary Sundee

Wonka here.  The nice assistant in the supermarket that wants to help us goes to Owner who is dressed as if for a cold winter's day.  IS IT COLD OUT? It was hard to hear Owner speaking through her scarf but she said straightaway IT IS FREEZING.  We are back on with the grey mizzle mizzle grey drizzle drizzle day good folks out there possibly basking in sunshine. There is an upside to this I said to Owner from a rather warm and snuggly spot right up the radiator which thankfully is blasting out heat and wracking up our financial debt.  WHAT THE DICKENS IS IT said Owner from the depths of her long winter jumper and coat.  you get to wear your new coat I said.  Did I tell you about it?  When Owner finally crept back in after her mammoth drive to Cornwall she casually slung this new khaki coat over the chair thinking good folks I would not notice.  I did notice it, it is by someone called Weird Fish and naturally with a name like that you can only expect a massive price tag to go with it.  Was I right or was I right.  Owner tried to hide the receipt for that plus the receipt for these deceptively (NICE) classy looking flip flops but I jumped on the table to see them.  It's official, we are truly heading for financial ruin round about June I'd say.  She loves it.


Fresh and cheap para.  What is this sanctuary you whisper as this has made all of you check your accounts.  My advice is the same as I say to owner every time she goes out, don't buy anything Owner, except food for us..  Anyhow, yes we have turned into a cat sanctuary with ALL WELCOME above the good back door or perhaps before that there is an invisible sign that reads in good cat language, Turn Left for a positive and caring experience.  last night Mr Beau was ill at the hour when you are in your deepest sleep and it is pitch black outside.  OH NO goes Owner springing into action.  OH NO I said staying where I was.  it all took about an hour to get right and a good can of vanish.  Bertie was outside looking in and you cannot blame him for thinking it was breakfast time can you?  I did say to Owner that she had oversprayed the carpet and had she missed a bit but she didn't hear me above boiling a kettle for a soothing cup of ginger and lemon.  I love it.


*****************OWNER'S BOOK SLOT OF THE WEEK************************

Yes in keeping with yesterdee's good day of World Vet Day, Owner is reminding all of you out there about James Herriot's books.  He was a vet in the Yorkshire dales, and his books were made into a TV series, All creatures Great and Small.  They are very funny and very sad too says Owner.  Are there any stories of cats I said.  YES, she goes back.  it begins when he starts out as a vet and goes to join Siegfried and Tristan Farnon at their Vet Practice.  We love it.

Final back on with the snooker para.  After the little interlude in the night, I mean I got back to sleep really quickly, but Owner had to read her new book which she says (quote) she is struggling with.  Why not pick another I said helpfully. I WANT TO GIVE IT A CHANCE she goes back.  I rest my paws and everything folks.  Luckily after popping out in the new coat and simply buying food for all of us and a tiny bit for her plus chocolate, there is the snooker.  And this is acting as a diversion whilst Bertie who against all my good advice has been let in and sped upstairs.  Never mind the fact he or she (jury out) growled at me the entire time, oh no.  This act of kindness has been blamed on the weather as Owner says it is TOO COLD.  Well it's nice and warm in here.  As Bertie is now finding out.  Deep sigh.  I might love it.

Real final para.  Last night we did watch a tiny bit of Britain has supposedly got talent but it seemed more to do with Britain's got Simon Ghoul and then this young lad comes on and plays a bit on the guitar and sings a tad and all go wild. ?.  Owner quickly turned over to catch beloved Dale and his inittowinit.  We do love Dale.  He is growing a small beard and me and Owner like it.  on him.  Now tonight we have more snooker of course which is calming Owner down a treat either that or she is just plain worn out!  and then it is The crimson Field where we are transported back to the first World War and how the nurses all got on with it.  A lot smarter than they do now goes Owner knowingly.  OH I said.  Yesterdee Owner fitted in a visit to aged parent who is in an advanced state of apathy but bursts out now and then.  She has been advised not to watch a programme about how to look after our parents (Owner thinks she has failed a bit there but I am having none of it.  I love her) as all it shows is old people losing out.  She has been advised to watch the Crimson Field because of the high standard of nursing and finally to watch the snooker as it may rouse her out of her field of apathy.  I made that last bit up as you might know good folks as I don't think Owner was half as poetic as that.  I DO TRY said Owner.  yes you are very trying I said from behind the door in a low voice.  Now do go steady out there in the  Wold wherever you are in it good folks and let us all meet the good week ahead in good measure.  Big Love Wonka x



World Vet Day Satdee

~Wonka here.  Last night folks out there was as nail biting and tense as ever a night.  first up (list) was the snooker.  it had me and owner transfixed I tell you.  Ronnie our hero as you know against gentleman Joe Perry and trailing by TWO FRAMES.  Then good folks, fresh from being worn out by this does the horrid dense damp mist out there darken into a mizzley night.  Drizzle Mizzle dark and Grizzle!  ~That is my new poem and I like it.  By the time Owner had fed and watered me, Ruggles, and Bertie it was even more dark and drizzle out there.  WILL BERTIE BE ALRIGHT she frets to me as I am trying to relax and play with one of my tinkly balls.  I RECKON I goes back but I don't think she heard me above peering out back and washing our plates up.  I have saucers, Rug has the red bottom plate, Mr Beau's dish is red with a white bottom, the dishes for the luxury shed are blue (plastic) and bertie has now got Rugglesis spare dish which is ovenproof (?) and beige.  3 hours later we went to bed.  Only Joking! Followed good folks by a thunder storm with lightening and all.  Did we worry about Bertie?  YES WE DID.  need we have?  NO.  Guess where he sheltered? no that is not it, he went in the good kennel that our beloved Baba loved so much.

New and lighter para.  In keeping with it being World Vet Day you will all want a cartoon to do with it and you can have one.  Today it will be Bertie in the good kennel sheltering from the storm.  Tomorrow as you know is Owner's book slot of the week and will feature that wonderful Vet of all time James Herriot.  We love him and he loved all animals great and small .I have flown Owner's cartoon of Bertie in the kennel up top.  Owner said she could just make him out in the dark and torrential rain.  We love him.

 Fresh and snooker ridden para.  From ten this morn until twelve we had to be glued to the good tv as our hero Ronnie was on and STILL TRAILING.  As it was we got up too early as Owner thought it was later on.  And worried about Bertie out there in the cold (it is April I said not December.)  Me? thanks for asking I am enjoying a little bit of shut eye whilst Owner goes out visiting and swimming.  Oh and shopping.  I have warned against buying things we don't need but she didn't hear me above closing the good front door.


Final and Fair para.   You will all be very worried and concerned about Ronnie's trailing.....HE WON 13 - 11!!!!!  We watched it all on the famous red button and Owner was as happy today as she was flat yesterdee.  I have adjusted her setting yes.  So when she fell back in the door with I have to say a small shopping (for us) I just had time to say hallo and did you enjoy your swim before a FEEDING FRENZY began.  How so you ask nicely.  It started with Bertie on the steps peeking in the good window and I must say I had been chatting to him through the glass, just about this and that well when Owner opened the good back door who runs in but Ruggles! and then behind him was Mr Beau!!  Now if anyone can manage this kind of situation it is Owner.  Mr Beau was popped into the dining room with me as we only scrap in a mild sort of a way and he had his red top dish full of food to contend with.  Me?  I was fed first good folks oh yes.  Then Ruggles got his food on his red bottom plate and finally, Bertie who is bottom of the pecking order had his beige dish a la luxury shed.  it all calmed down once Owner had seen Ruggles trot off on his rounds, Bertie position back on the steps and Mr Beau is in here with me.  We have only scrapped once.  And Owner has only had to redirect him to my luxury litter tray once.  We sort of love him.  His tummy is gurgling and Owner hopes it is the worming in action.  Now tonight after all that Owner is hoping for some relaxezvous in front of Britain has got lots of Talent with antanddec.  Then it is Casualtee with good nurses and doctors falling in love and occasionally healing people, sometimes sorting out a lifetimes psychological trauma in what seems like minutes!  We love it.  Now do go steady out there in the Wold wherever you are in it folks and we can breath easy now Ronnie is through to the next round.  Big Love Wonka x 

Flat Fridee

Wonka here.  We got up in the end.  it is another grey drizzle ridden, dismal ridden misty ridden morning which has kept on going.  Somehow good folks out there possibly having better weather than us, we got up to it.  And who is looking through the window but Bertie.  IN THIS WEATHER goes Owner who is still half asleep.  I did look at him through the window and said words to the effect of: there is a good luxury shed out back with a good degree of shelter why are you on the steps in the cold and wet?  But he couldn't hear me above the double glazing although Owner says it is not specially good double glazing and may need replacing.  by the landlady.  Yes.  Bertie you say?  he is very timid and afraid but did venture in (that word) as far as the good kitchen doormat for a big bowl of breakfast.  We love him.

Fresh and flat para.  What is this Flat business you wonder.  Owner has traipsed through this grey and dark day and says quote I FEEL FLAT.  So I have adjusted the setting to FLAT SETTING.  What is this down to you further wonder. or wonder further.  (list) 1.  going back to her job that isn't even saving us from starving. 2. coming back here from Cornwall 3.  Being tired and tired of being tired (says) 4.  Ronnie O Sullivan my hero and Owner's too is 2 frames down in his match with Joe Perry.  Point 4 is pretty serious good folks out there as Ronnie has got to win because of Owner's pending (like it) trip to the Crucible Theatre in Sheffield next Satdee for the semi final.  And she is fully expecting Ronnie to be in it.  We have been glued to the snooker since Ronnie been on the green baize and it is hard to think of anything else.  But, for our photoshoot we did promise one of Bertie and here is the cartoon: I am flying it up top but there he is at the bottom left hand corner peeking through the good gate.  I love him.

Still pretty flat para.  Now Mr Beaujangles managed to call 2 minutes before Owner set off to the job that isn't quite doing it.  DILEMMA she goes.  This is because (cliffhanger) Owner has made it her mission to de worm him.  All I have to do she goes to me (I was fast asleep on the giant nest stroke settee) is dab this on the back of his neck.  This seems easy but Owner said she could not find any skin handy beneath his fur. (I slept on) In the end she just dabbed it on his neck and left him chomping a massive dish of pretend turkey and chicken to run out the door to that job.  BE GOOD WONKA she said (but I was dreaming and the next thing I knew she was at the good front door with fresh supplies).  Of course I made it look like I had been on Mr Beau watch all the time (Don't let him by the front door Wonka! warned Owner.  I mean how do I stop him?  lay across it??).  I praised her for buying some new biscuits to go with the other ten tons of dried food we have to choose from so she didn't notice I had just got up and Mr Beau was settled under the bed.  I LOVE THAT ONE I went and even Mr Beau had a peck at them too.    We love him.

Last final and flat para.  Will Owner come round you all want to know.  The jury is out good folks as Ronnie is trailing as we speak.  But said Owner if anyone can turn it round he can.  Now last night we watched a lot of things, from Enders and weeping and wailing plus anger from Ian, yes.  he has thrown out that girl who we forgot her name but it is Cindy.  Saint Jane and Denise are rallying round and all the square are suspects.  it is bearable says Owner, just about.  We look forward to Corrie x 2 and more love trysts, double dealings and will Anna and Owen make it through the night.  And surely Steve cannot keep a big secret.  Tracy has proposed marriage and the boy said yes!  It is all happening and if it takes Owner's mind off the snooker which is nail biting (she says) I will not complain.  Now do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it, as we approach the weekend.  And more snooker.  Big Love Wonka x

Our Day Thursdee

Wonka here.  Everyone in the wold has had a day recently, this day that day , his day, the centenary of who macallit. (?) So we decided, well I decided it would be OUR DAY.  And we can celebrate it how we like.  first off, we did get up.  This was a slow business as Owner wanted to drop back to sleep.  it is my job as you know to put a stop to this in several ways.  A DAB OF THE CLAW.  This does work, but means I have to run away very quickly.  I DRAW BACK MY PAW to suggest I am going to dab it.  This works much better as long as Owner's eyes are open.  I jump on Owner's back or legs or just some part of her.  Also a good awakener.  As it happened Owner stayed awake and said those magic words shall we get up Wonka.  of course by this time I had nearly nodded back off myself!!  I love it.


Fresh and all about us para. Owner is still entranced with her breakaway and specifically the Tamar Donkey Sanctuary.  She may adopt Percy O Reilly.  and to this end we have another cartoon all about him and his friends. I mean what is not to love.  There he is at the fence saying hallo.  He has three brothers called Paddy, Seamus and Declan and they were all looked after by a lady from north Devon who rescued them from inner city Dublin!  He is a donkey supremo and we love him to shreds said Owner.


Fresh still our day and donkey free para.   When Owner turned back up I said to her IS ALL OK? Why did I say that good folks?  Because I can read body language that is why and I could tell something was up.  And guess what, no it is not that, a little person forgot their manners and that is all it takes to move Owner's setting to TETCHY.  Why not I goes, soak your tootsies and thereby remove all the negative vibes in one shot.  Get you, you all say from out there in the Wold, with your knowledge and such like.  If, if, I ever wanted or needed to rid myself of bad cat vibrations (and there have been times) I give my paws a thorough wash round and this does the trick.  Well I'll go to the foot of the best stairs or half way up them but did Owner follow my sage advice!  and watched Derek on catch up at the same time.  She loved it, I loved it.  Then we watched the snooker and we love John Virgo he is the tops at telling us what is happening, and good Steve Davis who is a close second was telling us too.  Big and extra love.


Final fancy free para.  So Owner has slowly yes slowly moved from Tetchy to Bearable...only joking Owner!  I says did anything nice happen to cancel out the not so nice thing and it turns out she went down by the sea and even though the sea fret (big heavy mist folks) had rolled in like a Stephen King film it was still a nice thing.  Now on the homefront all have been excepting Mr Beau.  this is because Owner has purchased (we cannot afford it no) some worm drops.  And guess what yes it is that, I had to be wormed IN CASE.  And it is Mr Beau who we suspect due to his skeletal (Owner said) frame has got them.  I ask you.  What is the betting we don't see him for a month of Sundees.  Now tonight we must watch Enders and more weeping and wringing of hands and yes, some of those hands have seen off Lucee.  We wonder if anymore relatives will spring up for the new Queen Vic family who are extending like nothing.  and also notes Owner, aside from they are all from Lunnon, they are a good mix of gender, sex, religion (?? who Shirley?) and such like.  Notice we did not use the word culture.  But to save us after there is good masterchef.   And this is the final cheering up thing, tmro is Fridee.  Yes.  Now do go steady out there in the wold wherever you are in it.  Big Love wonka x

In a daze Wednesdee

Wonka here.  We hardly know what day it is between it being a celebration of The Bard, that is Shakespeare to me and you good folks, then we turn round and it is St George's Day who turns out to be the patron Saint of England as well as somewhere in Russia and finally it is world Book Night.  pause to get our breath back.  Owner has managed to recommend (list) 1.  a book for people to read that she is fairly certain they have never heard of and will keep them reading for 6 months or so.  IS IT A BIG BOOK I said?  IT'S MASSIVE she went back.  What is it then I ventured (Shakespeare would be so proud of me with using that word)  it is Green Dolphin Country by Elizabeth Goudge she said and she is right I have never heard of it in my life.  Is it about dolphins I said.  It is about Two sisters and what happens to them she goes.  I rest my paws as usual.  2. For Shakespeare Owner recommends going to see The Tempest as it was her Dad's fave and is full of magic and such like.  And yes, there is a storm in it.  If you want a comedy says Owner don't go and see that one. 3.  She can't recommend anything for St George's Day other than a quiet night in watching the telly.  ~This is as English as it gets she said.  I love it.


Fresh in a daze para.  If we whittle it all down to our day and never mind everyone else said Owner, I have had A BUSY DAY and I went a bit funny in the supermarket (the one which has just lost a load of profit no not that one the one before that).  Were you rude I whispered calmly from behind the kitchen door?   A BIT she said back.  it turns out that when Owner could not find the tissues that aged parent must have and tried asking an assistant, she was not helped.  At all.  did the next one help you I said from the bottom of the stairs.  FINALLY goes Owner.  I have adjusted Owner's setting from busy to snappy to account for this good folks.  Now I know you are all on the edge of your seats  wanting to see Owner's cuddly soft donkey toy from the Tamar Donkey Sanctuary.  here he is, Percy! He lives on the dashboard next to little teddy and we love him.


Final dazed para.   When Owner stumbled back in with some new tins of gourmet for me and a few other bits for her, guess what! No it isn't that!  It was Ruggles waiting on the step, so Owner feeds me feeds him gives me a cuddle gives Rug a cuddle lets him out onto the step, next minute is Mr Beau on the window sill, lets him in feeds him TWO trays of his fave, lets him out and to round it off then there is Bertie at the gate.  No we have not sighted Tinkers but give it time.  Now last night we got through Enders and Owner did not get annoyed once.  I did wonder if she was watching Enders at all as she did not judge or criticise once EXCEPT when yet another new member of Mick's family appeared behind the bar and seemed to know Shirley.  Shirley called this new member Aunty, and even smiled at her.  This suggests, says Owner, that Shirley can be friendly and polite.  The main story was of course Lucee's one way ticket and mourning family.  They all reached heights of emotion in keeping with losing a loved one (Lucee) and as I say Owner sat through it nicely.  We did not watch Jamaica Inn but wish we had as there were lots of complaints about mumbling in it.  Owner says that will be Mary Yellan not opening and shutting her mouth, and possibly the Cornish way of talking stroke mumbling.  Tonight we hope to be glued to Corrie and the fate of Carla, Teena and Maria.  The gym is now featuring and thingy's Dad who is partners with Dev seems to know a lot for a new character.  There is masterchef to bring us back to earth and if we want to strain our ears there is another portion of Jamaica Inn.  We love it.  now do go steady out there in the Wold folks wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x

Earth to Tuesdee

Wonka here. Two words: Quasimodo and Raj.  What is that you all say?  it is the names of Owner's two garden gnomes, and the most recent one is named after the famous whistle blower who according to her is called Raj Mattu. We hope in advance he does not mind this naming.  What if he does I said to Owner.  and she goes (list 1.)  it is highly unlikely Wonka that he reads your good blog. 2.  It can only raise his profile in a good way (I did say how is that by comparing a highly skilled heart surgeon to a gnome sitting on a log but she didn't hear me above telling me the third point.) 3.  He would see the funny side of it, a gnome that does a wolf whistle when you walk past him.  yes I said, only if his batteries are switched on Owner and she goes JUST LIKE A HEART WITH SOME IN IT!  I really do think that long drive has affected her but I mustn't say too much as not had my tea yet.


Fresh para in celebration of world Earth Day.  You will all be quite keen now to see the new gnome and here he is:  He's a small little fellow in keeping with his gnome status and Quasi (after the hunchback.  Yes, and the connection there good folks is his watering can.) is just over to his right.  Owner said not to switch him on for now as he may frighten Ruggles, or Mr Beau, or Bertie, or Tinkers.  RIGHTO I said.  yes I am very busy keeping stock of everyone out there just now, not least Bertie who used to be on silent setting but has found his voice and kept up a fairly constant miaow last night and this morning.  I quite love him. Tmro there may be a cartoon of him said Owner who is spoilt for cartoons and photoshoots after her little breakaway.  And talking of breaks we have remembered the world champ snooker is on and have the green baize table on the tv.  DON'T FORGET goes Owner, I have a ticket to the semi final at the Crucible!  How can I forget good folks out there when Owner is already pondering on, not who she will watch on that day, no, it is all about her, she is saying things like what shall I wear I want to be comfy but smart.  I love her.


Final Earth to Owner para.  Today we have spent catching up.  What with you say?  With what we missed.  We did watch Corrie and Maria has not coughed up her texting folly to Tyrone.  He is none the wiser but guess who knows all about it but David the bad boy of the street.  No good can come of it goes Owner wisely.  Teena is all of a sudden a mary poppins stroke confidante stroke barmaid supreme so it is no wonder that her downfall is sealed in cement goes Owner again very wisely and Steve who normally cracks jokes and is a bit of a buffoon has gone a bit sinister.  he spoke up to Teena from the gloom of the back of the Rovers in the little arbour where all smoke their heads off and have trysts.  Compared to this darkness, Enders and missing Lucee seemed a bit Enid Blyton as we traipse through the contenders in this latest whodunit.  Owner is more interested in who was in the coffin that Dot cried over as it was not nasty nick.  And why is the coffin bearer turning up in the queen vic to advise Mick's poorly and much hated Dad?  Only the writers will know.  You will want to know as soon as Masood is in the clear (of killing off anyone in the square not even saint Jane) and has more than a bit part.  Owner has now watched Jamaica Inn and was only slightly annoyed by Mary Yellan's open mouth pose followed by the Tommy cooper drama pronounced EXCELLENT.  She was so quiet while she watched it I was able to catch up on some snoozle.  her fave joke is the one about the seaside donkeys in Blackpool, he goes what do they get for their lunch? half an hour.  boo boom.  We love it.  And to bring the blog full circle round to the heart thing, he died on stage of a massive heart attack.   to look forward to you ask?  More silly Enders and perhaps Mick can smoulder on down with those glances followed by hospital capers at Holby City and maybe another dose of Mary Yellan and her chap Jem chasing round the moors.  Do go steady out there in the Wold wherever you are in it folks. Big Love Wonka x 

Reunion Mundee

Wonka here.  Yes you have guessed it good folks out there!  Owner is back and we have caught up nicely ,well I have whilst she unpacked, cleaned up, gave me and ruggles some more food even though we had just been fed by our auntie, washed up, cuddled us, did some more cleaning and 2 hours later has sat down for the TV fest on offer.  I love it.  yes I have managed, and yes I have not starved but I DID MISS YOU OWNER.  And I missed you she went back.

Fresh and clean para.  Now we are reunited you want to know how did the good near on 400 mile journey go?  And that is just to get there!!  It went fine until I missed a junction said Owner and the less said about the jam packed crawling traffic on the good M5 the better.  Was it better coming back I ventured (!!) went like a dream she says.  I mean considering she has done a near on round trip of 800 miles in a long weekend, I didn't want to say too much about being starving and could I try another pouch as I don't like that one, but she couldn't hear me above putting some rubbish out.  Now there are lots of photoshoots and there will be cartoons to follow and to keep you all going I have picked my fave, it is of PERCY O REILLY, who the heck is that you all ask, and I'm going to show you him first up.  I have flown him up tope, YES he is a rescue donkey all the way from Ireland and he lives at the Tamar donkey Sanctuary near to Tavistock good folks.  Owner said he came up to her and stayed there all the time and she may have to adopt him.  Of course it didn't stop there as we also have a new fridge magnet and soft cuddly toy of Percy too.  I can show you the magnet but the cuddly Percy is living in the car with no name and Owner reports IS A LUCKY DONKEY hence the trouble free journey back.  yes. Here is the good magnet.  I love Percy too.  Owner says the other photo is a selfie of her and Percy and I said could you have got more of yourself and Percy in it then but she still couldn't near me above stocking up the luxury shed for Bertie et al. (Owner says that is a good word for all the others out there. and I love it).

Final reunion para.  The other thing I am reunited with is YOU good folks out there enjoying your break like we are.  We have watched a few bits and bobs corrie being one bit and we are on with it tonight as the storylines are building up to a crescendo says Owner.  When will Mum to be Carla notice that lying through his teef peter (who is in Rehab and went quietly says Owner) is dallying with eyebrows of the week Teena?  We are even warming to Tracy Barlow now she is with thingymebob.  She has met her match says Owner knowingly.  Otherwise Maria has gone funny and is sending funny texts to Tyrone.  There is no mention of Madeh and Sofee and we are pleased. Oh and Rita sent Dennis packing. So far.   On with Enders there is a lot of talk about a murder but we missed it.  Woe.  Has Lucee left the show on a one way ticket said Owner, who wishes it was several other people instead. Tomorrow we will tell more about good Tavistock and even Looe as Owner is now steeped in local history, says.  Now we are looking out for Ruggles, and we have seen Bertie cheaping up near the gate.  There is no sign as yet of Mr Beau who has blotted his copybook according to Owner and it is to do with his general domestics.   He is a hobo and that is how they go on, wherever they lay is their home!  Last but not least Owner came back with two giant choc eggs plus a new gnome.  His name is Matu we think, because he whistles.  and he does a wolf whistle if you go by him.  He is waiting to go out back and I love him.  Now do go steady out there in wold wherever you are in it good folks and somehow we will face the good week ahead.  Big Love Wonka x

Good Fridee

HAPPY DAYS TO YOU ALL

big love Wonka  xxx

I will be back to tell you all about Owner's break on Mundee

remember you can catch up with us on

www.smashwords.com #wonka

Owner's Thursdee!

Wonka here.  It is the day before the day says Owner.  Yes it is the time when I can sit back and do what I want.  There is a saying that goes while the Cat's away the mice will play but instead I say While Owner is away, Wonka holds sway!!!!......Owner has been a busy bee ever since we got up, doing this doing that writing two million notes alright one or two.  There are big orange stickers everywhere in case my Auntie is too simple to figure out how to (list) 1.  feed me 2.  feed the others.

WILL I BE WARM ENOUGH she goes.  I said I cannot see you being cold not with all those jumpers and warm clothes you have crammed into the case.  There is talk of bedsocks and hot water bottles despite it being mid April and 50 something centigrade or is the other.  I love it.

Fresh breaking para.  Owner said I AM JUST OFF TO THE SHOPS WONKA and I said surely we do not need anything else try not to buy anything you don't need Owner, but she didn't hear me above closing the good front door.  When she trots back in yes she actually walked to the shops I nearly fell over in fright, WALKING I said?  but it's alright it was not for the sake of good exercise but to save moving the car with no name I DON'T WANT TO LOSE THE SPACE she said.  that's alright then.  What is that in that bag I said alright I ventured?  IT IS A BAG she says.  Did you need another bag I went, from the safety of the living room?  I didn't need another bag she said when she found me, but I liked the look of it.  And 5 minutes later is she on about 'adjusting' it.  I rest my whole and entire case good folks out there.  No wonder the country is failing despite all the good statistics coming through about falls in this and falls in that, the only thing that is falling said Owner is the temperature. RIGHT I said.  Now today's photoshoot is a good cartoon about Owner's break:  I have flown it up and blown it up!! It is me and Aunty in the good house and Rug outside, owner is speeding off to the South West in the car with no name and there are her good friends waiting.  happy days indeed.  We love it.

Final happy days para.  Whilst Owner continues with her notes and packing and generally getting under my feet I have tried to get a little me time in.  Mr Beau did pop last night and was popped back out.  blow me if he isn't back eating two whole trays of 'pate' chicken and turkey.  His tummy is making strange gurgly noises and he is doing the dead dog act again.  I tried to lay right up to him and he made a new gurgly noise but from his mouth this time.  I am now on the giant nest stroke settee listening to him from afar.  I HAVE PACKED FOR EVERY EVENTUALITY goes Owner as if we have been on the edge of our seats wanting to know.  That's good Owner I said, and What's for tea?  Tonight if I can get Owner to sit still and stop checking things we shall watch Enders and Masterchef.  There is a hint of trouble brewing for Lucee who is revealing an angst ridden mixed up character with some hidden depth to it.  It's a bit late for that now said Owner and she may be right.  the one we did want to see the back of is Staycee, oh and alfee and Kat.  We think they should leave with Staycee to further up North like Watford gap or something.  As for Masood we worry about him we do, working for Royal Mail is no longer the job it used to be and Saint Jane isn't either.  Meanwhile the Queen Vic is overflowing with Mick's family when all we really want is him and his smouldering looks.  We love him.

Real final para.  Owner said I should put a small note on tomorrow otherwise she goes the good folk will get in a muddle.  Therefore, there will a small note on for Good Fridee folks and until then, go steady out there in the Wold wherever you are in it and whether you are having a break or not.  Big Love Wonka x

Wonka Wednesdee

Wonka here.  Howdy folks and listen to this, Owner woke up having dreamt of strawberries.   And a really nice friendly dog...what make was it I ventured (do like that word)  ALSATION, goes Owner.  Now she nearly fell back to sleep and I was all ready just to dab a claw at her mouth and run off at the speed of light but did she decide to get up there and then.  TIME  TO GET UP WONKA she said.  You will want to know the answer to that burning question, did Mr Beau Beau book in for the night.  Answer good folks out there is YES.  YES SIREE.  and he stayed in nearly the same splayed out dead dog pose all night long.  he got up went in my luxury cat tray ate a couple of morsels of my best good as it looks and went off out of it.  Ruggles you say?  perched on the step ladders out back waiting.  Owner had to juggle three cats for breakfast and did also see Bertie waiting by the good back gate.  We love it.


Fresh para all about me.   You will want an update about (list) 1.  my sleeping arrangements day and night night and day. 2.  will I be looked after properly whilst Owner gallivants off. 3.  will I starve and have to alert good passers by out of the bay window that I am hank marvin (joke). 4. lonely.  so first off, I still have my amazon box.  There is a slight tear to the front right hand side where I have leaned perhaps too heavily but all in all I love it.  As a back up there is the giant nest stroke settee and that cave thing that Owner said is a bone fide cat pyramid thing.  Well those Egyptians have a lot to answer for making that shape and then centuries and thousands of years later does someone make it into a cat cave.  yes I have been in it once.  But it is small and dark and I did feel a mite claustrophobic.  I will be looked after by one of my aunties who I know and love (but it isn't you Owner!) and there is enough food to feed an army says Owner who unpacked it all after a giant expedition to the shops.  Try not to be lonely said Owner.  And I will try.  I could always have a few extra naps and snoozles.  today's good photoshoot stroke cartoon is of the cave:  I have flown it up top after a few tries at making it go in the middle.  There I am at the right hand side and there is my best mousey too.  That big thing is the table and the chair is pushed up to it with owner's best suit jacket casually thrown over the back of it ( I said many a time to put it on a hanger).  Now you can make out my new cave through all the legs.  it is chocolate brown with a gold cushion.  it says THE CAVE.  I don't love it just yet.


New and final para.  So Owner has spent most of today thinking about me, looking at me and talking to me.  I love it.    She did manage a trip to good old Kwikly Fit with the car with no name.  For a check up on the oil and water and tyres please she said.  HALF AN HOUR to wait and she goes YES.  And when the good assistant got in the car (quote) he said to me your oil is OK as it says so on your screen OH I said back.  Did you feel silly Owner I said.  I AM PAST FEELING SILLY she goes, I just said thankyou.  But it was alright as he did peak into the engine and instructed Owner on every single part in it.  And advised on the tyres too.  She loves Kwikly Fit.  We have saved up the last ten minutes of Man of Steel to watch (I do like a cliff hanger) and tonight it is good Corrie and then masterchef.   Lying through his perfect set of teef (oh no I mentioned teef) Pete has bought himself a Carla load of trouble never mind scheming Teena and we are spoilt for storylines as anything could happen let's hope Madeh leaving on a freight train is one of them.  Rug is due any minute now so I must dash.  And if Mr Beaujangles is on the windysill I will tell him we are fully booked.  Only joking!  Now do go steady out there in the Wold folks wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x

Top Tuesdee

Wonka here.  We got up 2 seconds before the good alarm went on its merry peeping way and I said to Owner, really I said, you wake up anyway.  IT'S MY INNER ALARM CLOCK she told me.  Now as you may know if you live in this country we are having very chilly nights and it looks lovely out there but you need to wrap up warm.  If you live in a hot country, Owner says you are luckyish.  There are pros and cons she goes to having hot weather.  Me?  thanks for asking well I do like it hot as you know so if we ever have to live in a hot country I shall be hunky dory.  Rug was still in the shed but did venture in for some breakfast before bolting off into the blue.  I ate all mine up for a change and I said to Owner why don't you give me that funny coloured green pouch all the time.


Fresh and tiptop para.  What has happened today you say.  NOTHING.  That's what.  Owner decided to quote SLOB around all day.  it began well with a phone call to further Owner's complaints of yesterdee.  it was agreed that Owner was right.  this can only mean righteous setting for the rest of the day as Owner basks in the glory of KNOWING BEST.   Then, to continue with her 'what am I like' mood she did what I can only call a dangerous thing.  And I ran straight upstairs and under the bed when she did it.  she let the Landlady in for a coffee.  I prayed to MOO that (list) 1.  the house looked fairly tidy aside from my thousands of toys 2.  she wouldn't notice there was a cat in residence 3.  She wouldn't put the rent up and force us to move or starve or both.  MOO must have heard me as none of these things got in the way of the visit and Owner promised faithfully to pull some weeds up.  That went really well Wonka she shouted to me upstairs and when I trotted back down I had to adjust her setting to TOPPING.  I love it.


Photoshoot para coming up.  I promised yesterdee we would have a nice cartoon of Owner at the hairdressers and here it is.  The answer to all life's problems:  There is Owner sitting in the chair with her good hairdresser (who is having a baby. Yes) and in the mirror as you can see she looks beautiful.  She loves it.


Final topping para.  As a treat said Owner we will watch Man of Steel despite the poor review given by someone on a well known media site she goes.  Are you going to reveal who they are I said.  NO she said, I cannot be that mean.  We are half way through it and it is frozen on the bit where good Kevin Costner who is superman's adopted Dad is giving him some advice.  it started off on the planet Krypton which we all know is where superman was born (to Russell Crowe his real Dad and we love him in any film anywhere anytime.) and then he is zoomed down to our little planet to SAVE IT. And fall in love with Lois.  What said Owner, is not to like?  and we are loving it.  It is only frozen so Owner can take annoying phone calls (this nearly changed the mood setting) and make tea.  Tonight, once all have settled and been fed and worried over, we shall have to watch Enders and suspend every morsel of disbelief rather like that famous trial going on.  (Owner said I mustn't get into that.  but I am enthralled like everyone else.)  why do we you ask?  because another one of the Queen vic brood has turned up, at Mick's Dad's flat.  we must have blinked and missed the bit where Mick's Dad gets from the Queen Vic to the flat.  Not to worry.  And Owner said this is getting silly now.  We love it.  After that we must watch the hospital drama as we don't see enough of those said Owner.  Now please do go steady out there in the Wold wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x

Moaning Mundee

Wonka here.  First off folks out there here is a tip from me straight to you.  Owner is on the warpath.  Who with you say straight away possibly hiding under the duvet, with people who (list) 1.  Moan 2.  cancel things and make it sound reasonable (giving Owner a very good if not excellent excuse to moan - I DID NOT SAY A WORD she says to me.  and 3.  question Owner's simple and clear request to speak to a Manager.  Asking Owner 'Why' is not just foolhardy, it is the forerunner to turning this question back on yourself.  ie why did I say that.  all this to one side, it is a good and sunny day BUT, and here comes in Owner again, there is a cold and biting yes biting wind.  IT IS ONLY WARM in the sun she advised.  Me?  I hardly ever moan, even when Ruggles shuns my every attempt to be friendly.  alright perhaps running towards him with a fluffed up tail doesn't register as friendly but you know my intentions......I don't moan when Owner takes a good ten minutes doing things before feeding me in the morning.  In sum I DO NOT MOAN.  it wasn't me.

Fresh and complaining para.  Yes owner does not go for long without a full blown WRITTEN complaint.  We all know that just saying things does not count.  Who is for the high jump you want to know?  When Owner burst back in full of energy and luckily with some more food for me, she had not even unpacked it all before she was on the phone.  Fresh from seeing Aged parent, she was subjected to a lot of aged moaning.  Did you lose your temper Owner I said from the bottom of the stairs?  NEARLY she went back, and then spent it on a phone call to someone instead.  That's the way to do it I whispered from half way up the stairs.  I thought I heard Owner say WHO DO I MAKE A COMPLAINT TO but it's hard to hear once you're right inside the built in wardrobe.  Now of course all is peaceful and calm, now that Mr Beau has been in and yodelled for 5 minutes to go out, and there is good Ruggles on the step so a bit of a traffic jam.  Owner is laughing and smiling and I blame it on the fact that she is to have an Easter Break.  Yes.  Now for our photoshoot owner said the one of me helping with the washing.  So:  it is very tiny, and it is called Wonka on the washing and I have flown it up top.  Like Owner says, the minute she throws the old sheets on the floor do I get inside them!  I love it.

final free from moaning para.  After Owner had rung up the home where aged parent is and left a good message to cheer her up the moaning ended.  have you finished swearing at all I said, which wasn't a moan it was more of an observation (nice one!) I HAVE she says back.  Now good things to note today are that Owner has been to the hairdressers and come back with highlights.  it is all sticking up and glamorous.  There will be a photoshoot and good cartoon tmro.  I have just realised this is why Owner laughing and smiling, all down to the hairdo good folks.  Owner says it should be free to all (hairdressing) instead of tablets.  RIGHT I said.  Now tonight we are glued to Corrie X 2 and Enders.  Madeh has got on Owner's last nerve and is joined with Staycee as a character that needs to gocee.  We are also struggling with Anna now we can recall her name who is partners with short fuse Owen and her son on an even shorter fuse Gazzer.  and now we have a new storyline in the shape of evil ex partners returning to mix things up!  and simmering away nicely is eyebrows of the week Tina and fallen off the wagon Peter.  Over at Enders we forgot that layla or lolly or someone got run over by Foxy (or Roxy) but they are always killing folk off so no wonder we forgot it.  She is still alive and Grandad Billy is looking after her mite.  or Aunty Shazzer.  Mick is still looking through a pint glass darkly (Owner said that is funny but I can't see why) and his family continues to grow by the episode.  We love it.  Now do go steady out there in the moaning minny Wold wherever you are in it.  big Love wonka x

Marathon Sundee

Wonka here.  yes it is that day when a lot of good folk go for a long run in London, most of them for charity.  would Owner be able to do it you ask.  In a word actually a few words...NOT ON YOUR NELLY.  ~she says she once tried jogging when she was quote 'seeing someone' who was entering the London Marathon and she liked him at the time unquote.  Did it last I ventured (what a nice new phrase from me) for about FIVE MINUTES.  Mind you I blame that on Owner although I did not say it out loud!  What with the shouting at passing motorists, being rude to people swimming too near OR just for being there, well I mean to say. it would take an out and out hero to put up with it all.  which brings me back round to me!!  I do love Owner and I wouldn't swap or make her run a marathon.  I COULD SWIM one she said.  I love it.


Freshly run para.  Now today is Sundee so that can only mean a few things and (list) 1.  Owner goes on some family visits 2.  Owner recovers from said visits. 3.  I have some quiet time whilst that is happening and 4.  It is OWNER'S BOOK SLOT OF THE WEEK SLOT*******************


What is it you say in antici wotsit.?  Here we are then and it is a bit misty but you can see it is The Lion, the Witch & the Wardrobe by C S Lewis.  This is Owner's copy too.  Owner said there is no more appropriate book for Easter than this.  Why so I said.  Because said Owner it is about being saved, and Narnia was saved by Aslan  - and Aslan good folks is the mighty Lion you can see on the cover playing with Susan and Lucy.   the others are Peter and Edmund.   Most of all though said Owner it is a magical book.  And here we are, there is a dedication from C S Lewis to his god daughter Lucy Barfield and in it he mentions she may now be too old for fairy tales but that 'some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again.....'
YES INDEED!  We love it, and we love all the magic and adventure of his stories.  Thanks Owner!




Fresh and final para.  Owner is now swimming for Engerland says, and at this rate will be SUPER OWNER!! then she spoils it by going on visiting and shopping trips which grind her down and when she fell back in with the usual shopping that weighs more than those strong man weights I made the mistake good folks of asking how the visiting went.  Aged parent is on the cusp of being more aged and is having a birthday tmro.  Why then I made the mistake of asking, did you visit a day in advance of this event? Because Owner droned on,  aged sibling could not go tmro he has bingo.  finally I asked the million dollar question, yes.  How did the visit go?.  Good folks to cut a long story short, aged parent said Owner was looking TRIM.  did she mean nice trim I went.  NO she meant scrawny trim says Owner.   It'll be all that swimming and the vegan diet I said from upstairs and under the bed.  But she couldn't possibly hear me above unpacking the tons of food for me, ruggles, Beau Beau, Tinkers and Bertie.  Now tonight you will be worrying about what is on.  No more than us good folks!!  there is nothing on!!!  Well we have to wait until 9pm for the new nursey series set in the first world war when MATRON RULED OK.  They ought to bring that style of nursing back said Owner.  Also on at 9pm is Forrest Gump and we do love that film because it is good Tom Hanks and we love him in anything.  We are on the edge of Easter week, with all that brings with it.  Owner as you know is set on having a break and maybe you are too.  do go steady out there in the Wold wherever you are in it and whether you are having an Easter time or not.  big Love Wonka x

Dreamy Satdee

Wonka here.  Dear folks out there it has been hard to stay awake today and Owner is ready to blame (list) 1.  having the radiator on in the bedroom this is a GIANT mistake, she says.  Can you hear all the words of advice I am saying in my head good folks who are probably living the life of reilly because of all the £s you have saved on heating bills. 2. she is tired out and needs a holiday.  I am agreeing slightly with this one folks but you realise if Owner is not here and good substitutes are here - IT IS NOT THE SAME.  3.  The weather.  What weather you ask and this is a reasonable question.  IT IS DULL AND COLD out there she said.  And all of this has meant Owner is on dreamy setting and listen to this, SO AM I. I love it.


Dreamy para.  and because Owner has gone onto this setting it has also slipped onto I don't like my hair setting setting.  WOE.  I did say to Owner that perhaps instead of mucking around with this packet and that product she could have left well alone, and I said all this from the front room where I am pretty sure she could not hear me.  Grandson has been shipped off back home after one further film and this one was The five Children and IT by Enid Nesbit.  This is a long standing story from 1902 said Owner and she went onto write The Railway Children.  That is the one where Jenny Agutter in the good film version goes Daddy Oh my Daddy when all the steam from the train clears and she sees him in the distance standing there on the platform.  Owner has seen it a million times and still cries.  And so I.  We love it.


Next dreamified para.  Today's photoshoot good folks out there is all about me and so it should be.  it is a good sketch thank you Owner of me and my new biscuits called the GOODY BAG and are in the shape of seaside things.  All cats love a seaside thing. Now I have blown it up so to speak and in keeping with this good blog today it all looks a bit dreamy.  There is a picture of a cat holding the new bag of biscuits and there I am endorsing them (Owner says that is what I am doing and if she says I am, I am).


final dreamy and vague.  So it has been a bit hit and miss today good folks but this is not a bad thing if Owner has gone dreamy it means she is less likely to shout at motorists or people in the car park.  Also to report Owner reached into the cavern under the stairs which I do peek in occasionally to check for monsters and she brought out a pyramid thing.  She said it is a cat basket but try as I might I could not warm to it.  I have gone up to it and sniffed it, and although owner says NO ONE ELSE HAS BEEN IN IT WONKA...I am taking it slowly.  I am as you know very happy with my amazon box.  rug has turned in like clockwork including treating me like a dangerous animal (I know). and Mr Beau has been in, had a cuddle and called the most SPINDLY cat we know.  he is all ribs.  We love him a bit more now.  Tonight we must watch the new series of Britain's got talent with that nice antndec plus four judges who do not have to spin in chairs but can buzz, then nice Dale Winton is back on with inittowinit.  We love Dale.  and rounded off with Casualtee and good nurses and doctors.  There will be a storyline or two and that will keep Owner nicely until bedtime.  Now do go steady all you folks out there in the Wold wherever you are in it.  Big love Wonka x

Funny Fridee

Wonka here.  It is official, Owner has had a fun filled day and so have I.  it's a knock me down effect, whereby I reap the benefits of Owner's GOOD MOOD SETTING.  What is all this good mood you question (quite rightly) as like me you are not used to hearing of good mood and Owner in the same sentence.  Every so often it happens, Owner wakes up and decides to have a fun filled day with no worry or anxiety in it.  any horrid things are consigned (love that word) to another day.  Yes.  so we woke up nicely, got up nicely (the dreams you say?  all about swimming pools.  Hmm)  and had breakfast nicely.  yes Rug too.  And I was good from behind the closed door.  I love him.  mostly.


Fresh fun para.  The other reason to be fun filled is because it is Fridee and grandson is still here which means Owner watches more films.  Which one you say?  We can now give Escape Plan with beloved Arnie and Sylvester a whacking ten out of ten.  It was action packed, and Arnie did lend it a certain quote owner 'je ne sais quoi'  unquote and I do apologise now to any of you good folks out there if Owner's French is up the creek.  Whilst Owner and grandson were glued to the escaping and I have to say violent interludes (another good use of word) I managed a long nap in my amazon box.  I have had extra cuddles and generally basked in the warmth of the day.   Oh look here I am with the new Wonka's Easter Story!! We are very proud of this story and Owner thinks I did a good job of presenting it.  It is easy to find at www.smashwords.com hashtag #wonka.   We Love it!!


Final funny para.  Owner and Grandson managed to fit in a trip to Pizza Hut alongside the Escape Plan and cannot believe how much he is eating.  I know he is a growing lad she says.  But?  I said back.  HE IS NEVER OUT OF THE FRIDGE she went back.  Me?  thanks for asking, I did mention I was pretty hungry and after the fourth offering, managed to eat a tiny bit off the plate.  last night we fitted in Masterchef alright and rooted for Carl who cooked up a strange plate of sausages and beans that would not have been out of place in a trucker caff said Owner.  No he did not get through which is a shame.  Tonight in between fridge hopping they will watch corrie x 2 and wonder at the Owen and Gazzer debacle (Owner says a word and I hope to goodness she is right) and prob Tina will be up to her revenge quest and where oh where is Emily?  still watching Breaking Bad?  over at Enders all we can hope for is less of the scarf brigade which is growing now and more of Mickey in the Queen Vic who keeps scowling and giving all dark looks.  We think he is doing a long try out for a Shakespeare part.  Now do go steady out there in the Wold wherever you are in it folks as the weekend is now on us.  Big Love Wonka x

Visiting Thursdee

Wonka here.  Up at the crack of dawn so Owner can GET READY.  What for you say, and don't worry I asked the same thing, I said Owner do we need to be up at half six in the morning when I am all comfy and snuggly? To be fair I said snuggly bunnies but Owner said do you want all the good folks out there to laugh at you Wonka..  And I said I don't mind.  It's not as if you've got a bunny to be snuggly with carried on Owner.  I didn't like to mention all the hundreds of bears and rabbits and strange looking penguins (this use to be a cat toy for Golly who ignored it and so have I)(I might do a photoshoot of it now I've said all of that.)  Anyhow, we did get up early and blow me down was Ruggles snuggled up to the poor back door.  Owner has to shout Rugglessssss at the top of her voice and I pray good folks that none of the neighbours are listening.  She loves it.


Fresh visiting para.  yes I know I still have not revealed why Owner mucking about at the crack of dawn and it is because she was setting out on a visit to family.  Yes.  First up was a niece and her grandchildren who were to quote Owner adorable.  One girl and one boy who did not step away from being adorable for the entire visit.  the little girl said Owner can tell the time and she is very small.  OH I goes, looking as interested as I could under the circumstances.  What do you mean, circumstances?  Thanks for asking, well by the time Owner fell back in with a load of shopping and some food for me, well I was 1.  Starving and 2.  pretty hungry and 3.  ready for something to eat.  Are you starving she goes?  But it was alright as she rushed to feed me and also what a treat, grandson is visiting and I had a big huge tummy tickle.  I have let him share my giant nest stroke settee as I love him.


Photoshoot para:See what I'm saying?  he is a bright little chappie The Penguin, and ~golly never looked twice at him.  He does have a friend though so it is alright. here he is with duckie.  And we don't play with him either.  All my main toys are downstairs on the luxury carpet.  All my mouseys and tinkly balls with things in.  I love them.





Final final para.  now thanks to grandson being here we are all set for a giant film fest.  We have The Hobbit for starters and it can only improve from there!  Man of Steel is waiting in the wings and somehow Owner must fit in Enders and Master chef.  We have noted Bianca is getting on our nerves and now her step sister or foster sister or whoever she is we forget, has caught Carol's cancer and may have to wear a scarf.  This is annoying and we will bear with it, perhaps Masood will make a comeback, perhaps the Queen Vic will take over the square as surely Shazzer's new Ba cannot compete?  Even with villain Philly as back up boy.  And where is the chimney sweep son?  It is all to play for said Owner whatever that means.  Now do go steady and do go square eyed like us good folks out there in the Wold wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x

All go Wednesdee

Wonka here.  I could have slept a lot longer said Owner two seconds before the good alarm alarmed alarm oh.  We had to stay there for another 5 minutes so Owner could recollect (like this word) her dreams.  WHAT were they I said?  I CAN'T REMEMBER she goes.  Every time she thought she had one of them it escaped like a little bubble floating away.  And after that Owner flew about here and there feeding me and Rug and doing THINGS.  I tell you folks out there it fairly wore me out!! 

Fresh and on the go para.  Now last night guess what? no it isn't that so I will tell you, me and Owner were nicely settled and all had been in for tea and supper and seconds.  Rug had polished off his offerings on the red bottom plate and Mr Beau had eaten everyone's tea off everyone's plate and yodelled to go out.  So there we are nicely, me under the bed checking all for those Viking invaders and then does Owner say IS THAT THE PHONE WONKA?  We both strained our ears and I said if it is urgent they will ring you on either of your two mobiles Owner and the next thing did one of them ring!  Blow me down it was the good nursing home where aged parent does reside when not in hospital to say she is back there.  Owner was speechless at least for ten seconds and this is because good folks out there with possible aged parents and knowing all about it, because the hospital did not bother to tell Owner that aged parent had been DISCHARGED.  Goodness me I was in the right place under the bed and folks I STAYED under it!!  Half an hour later once Owner had rung all she could think of to 'have a word' quote unquote (get me) we started the resettling all over again. I love it.

Now where is the photoshoot you are saying?  Owner said I could have one of me seeing as Sammy dog took over yesterdee.  There is one of me with my new biscuits, one of me sitting on the washing or one of me looking out back at two canoodling pigeons on the fence...... the last one it is then.   I am giving those pigeons a good stare from the safety of the sideboard and the window that looks out back.  These two cheeky pigeons have been trotting along the top of the fence for a couple of days now and guess what?  YES.  I love them.

New and on the go para.   So today had to run a bit differently for Owner who flung off out to SEE TO THINGS.  Thankfully I got a good few hours sleep in before she flung back in talking about a rude man in the supermarket car park.  ~We all know that when Owner talks of someone's manners or lack of them there is trouble afoot.  Luckily she got away with challenging him about banging his car door against her side door without further incident or getting knocked to the ground.   Was it wise, I said from well behind the door, to say anything to a six foot hefty looking chappie?  But she didn't hear me above unpacking the latest hair product.  I can only hope the promise on the good packaging lives up.  Me?  thanks for asking, well I am looking forward to some more tea and maybe a biscuit or two and peeking at Ruggles when he nips in and after that there is good Corrie, good Masterchef and a new thing on 2.  According to Owner we must watch it.  WHY? I dared to ask.  Because said Owner it is from Ian Hislop who is funny and about the supposed good old days.  OH I says.  Try as I might I cannot remember where we got up to in good corrie so it will a nice surprise to find out.  Surely Tina will come adrift and if not her then would be strike a light Owen and failing all of that we have lying through her teef (oh no I said teef....no Owner has not found the new and perfect Dentist yet) Madeh.  Now do go steady good folks out there in the Wold wherever you are in it.  Big love Wonka x