Saturday, 24 June 2017

Wonka does his weekly.X

Listen up folks, stop what you are doing and LISTEN UP.
Now what Wonka you all say, really irritable and wotnot.

This week has been slightly only slightly improved on last week.
Owner has drifted through it only annoying a couple of people as opposed to four five or six, and SO FAR is still talking to daughter, aged sibling and Mother.  THIS is an achievement folks.  As you know Owner can easily provoke and cause an upset whilst telling me that it is THEM not her.  I know.x  In other more important news, Owner has discovered my secret hidey.  In an all out search for me the other day she finally spied me. X
There we are!!  Just having a pleasant 5 mins zzzzzzzzzzzzzz THERE YOU ARE WONKA!! x  It is a tiny cupboard housing the supposed silent boiler and all those pipey switchy things.  I love it in there.  used to love it in there..........X
What else hasn't been happening?  The latest formal complaint is ticking over nicely says Owner, and the next fish and chip outing is still going ahead despite Owner having a slight (only slightly) argument with the nice community transport firm (it is a charity Wonka! she drones to me X) when booking aged parent's journey.  WE ARE NOT A TAXI service they told her.  I KNOW she says back and then gives them a half an hour lecture all about that.  Luckily, the nice man still booked aged parent's journey.X
A week in politics can be very boring except if you live in ingerland with Tresa Grey and all going on and on about stuff and getting heckled by anyone really.  Jezzer has gone quiet and it is just left to a few others to keep the flag flying.  Owner made the silly mistake (one of many folks.X) of saying something to one of the flag flyers on twitter and there is no end to it now.  Goodness, I says up, did you have to rattle their flags Owner?  But it was bordering on a snack time so it came out in a bit of a whisper.X
On the telly we have been square eyed with Broken (toute sad) with Corrie (edge of your seat with nasty Nathan and Bethenee) even Enders got some of our attention.  Owner has taken to muttering at thingy who is with Steve but fancies Josh and her endless pouty face (according to Owner).  It has overtaken Stacee and her relentless everything is loverlee.)  Versailles came to a witchey end and there is to be more!! Tonight we will cling to a singing thing and beloved Casualtee. Ah. Charley Farley nursey will interfere and intervene on our Satdee night.X
I've rescued a bee Wonka! does Owner shout to me.  I did say I haven't got time to answer you I'm busy bee-ing it with this good diary!!  Is she writing anything Wonka? you all wonder up.  Well folks she has started Conversations with Wonka part Eight!! Usually this takes a long time to get going and I think Owner is a binge writer!! She writes in short bursts saving up all those ideas and then suddenly cracks on with it.X
There we are!! We never give up on Wonka Stories.X

Now today folks is Armed Forces Day, and blow me down if those Red Arrows aren't flying over our little town.  Owner thinks we may spy them from one of our windows which nicely looks down on the very bay they are flapping over.  I MAY TAKE SOME SNAPS she drones to me.  OH I says. X
What of Ruggles and Bertie bubb??  Bertie has got through the heatwave with hardly a murmur and is sleeping for Ingerland.  Ruggles has also enjoyed the sun and even liked the new umbrella that Owner set up over the workbench until the wind blew (ever so slightly) and the whole thing fell over.  The umbrella that is.  Naturally since then Ruggles is not overkeen on it.X
The next week may be alright folks who knows.  We must face it square on, with our fur all brushed up the right way and whiskers a tingling!! Have fun and Big Love Wonka X

Friday, 23 June 2017

The Cat Who Never Was!

Howdy Up Folks and herewith a little linky thing to my newest AND in my humble catopinion - bestest story:
The Cat Who Never Was ! XX

One of Owner's beauty illustrations from the story.X

And remember folks, it is on a night such as this one, that Oodles would enjoy the most. X

See you soon, big Love Wonka X

Saturday, 17 June 2017

Wonka's Week.X

HAVE YOU BEEN ALRIGHT Wonka? you all wonder up, dazzled by the bright sunlight and just crawled out of your pits I mean beds.  Listen folks - I can weather any storm me, just give me enough food (YES I am still on that pesky diet) enough facilities AND the run of the housey and I'm sugar dandy!!  Owner you say?

Owner has been to a new dentist and shelled out a lot of munney to hear BAD NEWS.  At least one toof has failed.  IS IT AT THE FRONT Wonka? you all worry up.  OFCOURSEITIS X  The upside to this is as follows.
1.  No one will notice as Owner will never show her teef again.  OH YES SHE WILL! but a lopsided smile is always in fashion.
2.  She will have the toof out in really plush surroundings where all know her name and take their time pulling it out. OUCH.x
3. You get what you pay for Wonka, she droned to me, and if it means paying through the .................x

What else has been happening chez nous? THIS:
YES SIREE! When it is baking hot outside, then you must make the bread and be baking hot inside!!  Mad cats and Inglishwomen..... bake bread in the noon day sun!! XX
We have clung to Corrie and Enders where there is a new and funny load of characters.  As you know Owner has taken a strong dislike to Stacee (who is so happy she will be run over in the next episode OR lose the precious mite.X) and has also started going on about thingie, MAX's daughter and sister of ABBEE.  all she does is pout and lie. What's to like says Owner? and for once folks I was so hot I agreed with her.  Now this new family are liars and cheats BUT they are funny with it.  Being funny folks, that counts for everything.  Over in Corrie we must rely on Craig the newbie policeman to smell a rat and save Bethanee, and Daniel is in full victimhood wiv just nice Ken on his side.  Versaille has zoomed up to the last but one episode and how will we manage.  Owner has a thing for Fabien AND I have said something folks as he is a spy, a detective and chief interrogator for Louis - how she can fall for someone so mean? so demanding? so furry oh no that is me! X
In other news folks, we hardly dare switch the telly on any news channel as there are folks shouting, angry and forming marches and such like.  naturally it is Tresa Grey who gets it and naturally Jezzer is still saintly.  Good Tim Farron has resigned as (and I try to quote folks) he could not 'reconcile his faith with his politics'.  Well who can?  more lying I spose folks.  has anyone stood out as a peaceful strong dignified personage this week?  THE QUEEN. She has. And folks, it is her official birfdee plus a troop of the colour.  here is our tribute to her 90th:

There she is !! we love her and say HAPPI OFFICIAL BIRFDEE MA'AM X
What of Bertrude and Ruggles you whisper up, tired out now what with the news and the hot sun.  Bertrude is resting up as purr and Ruggles has been in and out and in and out and .......................X
Owner is still on the scrap heap although she has had a call from one of those pesky agencies about September work!! NO FEAR she goes to me, and I did say you mustn't pin your hopes on (list) 1. finding fame ( I know.x) 2. those pesky students wanting you back at their college - but I did mention this from my secret hidey and Owner may have missed it whilst shouting at thingie on the telly.X
Do take it steady folks, and try to not to overdo it - you all know how much I rush round checking here and eyeballing there, but folks I do have a nice lay down in between!! Be good and Big Love Wonka X

Saturday, 10 June 2017

Wonka's political mash up!


folks, it's all gone a bit willy wonka in our house even Ruggles has gone funny about it and you know he is a big fan of the survive at all costs party - hang on! There isn't one of those! Bertrude, he she and it are on with the eat sleep and do the other party MORE HANG ON there isn't one of those me? THANKS for asking as I've had to put up with a lot of greens talking from Owner when secretly I have always admired Ken Clark.......HE'S NO LONGER DOIN THE MP Malarky!!

and now a nice picture of me and Marilyn:
There we are!! nothing DE RIEN to do with any silly old party left right or how's your father.  AS PURR it is all about me.X
So guess what? NO that is not it.  Owner trotted off and voted for her and aged parent and stayed up late to see the Exit Poll.
HUNG PARLIAMENT!!!! we were stuck like glue folks AND we were stuck like it to channel 4 and our new fave David Mitchell.  he said the Eff word about Brexit and Owner has been in love with him ever since!  I did say to her is that wise Owner it will only encourage you to come out with the same thing and think that's ok because a celebrity did but luckily she didn't hear a word due to gasping and cheering at the telly.X
WHERE DOES ALL OF THIS LEAVE YOU Wonka?? I'll tell you folks I've had my work cut out trying to keep Owner off the social media and away from those feisty jezzer fans who are still out in droves defending their leader! Her mood setting has been racing up and down the setting and I have feared for my teatime.  What is worse, is she woke up the other morning and made a SNAP DECISION.  And we all know what happens when you do that.
WHAT WAS IT WONKA?  only to pop me on a diet!!! but it's alright I have been sneaking into Rugglesis dish and there is Bertrudes to tuck into so I mustn't complain OR blame the BBC!!
There is no other news really folks as Tresa Grey is on the slippery slope now and may as well put those bins out. She's been talking to an irish set up called DUPE or something very like that and even written a speech for the Queen.  Jezzer is celebrating a victory that fell a tiny bit short of one, and Nicola, our fave in Sconny botland seems to have lost a couple of votes here and there. What of nice Timmy you all shout up at last engaged in the political process??  he is still standing and had a big go at Tresa from his podium.  We love him X(we still love Leanne, big Leanne from Welsh Wales and Caroline who is a full on Green.X and Mr Botley and all.X)
To cheer you up and cheer you on, herewith another beauty photo of MOI! X
There is always a future looming I mean a brighter future looming folks WITH ME IN IT!X  Big love for the week ahead folks, be strong!! be steady!!! be furry and purry!! Big extra love Wonka X

Saturday, 3 June 2017

To be or what to be...

WHAT NOW Wonka you all gasp out well into your satdees?

If our good pal Shakespeare hadn't said it first OWNER would have invented it. NOT the best of weeks and as for that outrageous fortune!!! WHERE IS IT shouted Owner to no one there!!

If Owner had been one of us she would have looked like this:

YES SIREE!!! It is our beloved Bertie Betrude who used to look very disgruntled and now looks just a bit fed up.X

Just because you are slightly scrap heaped Owner I advised, alright it was in a whisper from my secret hidey - yes I says you must look on the bright side!! The Greens could still win a massive majority of SEATS not VOTES (I know my politics.X) and govern the country!! Jezzer could finally vanish into the socialist sunset and Tresa Grey could retire to a little village (called little Snoring.X) and Timmy nice Timmy could maybe sharpen up a bit. I haven't forgotten good Leanne from Welsh Wales OR my fave Nicola who is busy whipping up a storm in Scotland!! In our dreams, in our dreams folks.X

What else has happened you all wonder up?  Owner went and purchased a bead curtain thing to hang at the good kitchen door and the flies love it! The come straight through to inspect our food dishes and facilities.  I am promising a good cartoon out of this I am.X  BUT whilst in the massive shop that sells hardware and other fiddly bits of metal and wood and supplies of paint fit to paint the whole world, she went and bought the very expensive tin of varnish to splash on her Dad's workbench. (It stands proudly outback for us to lay on.) AND splashed it on twice late at night in the week JUST BEFORE torrential rain.
is it weatherproof Wonka you all ask up hopefully.
FOR THAT Price folks it needs to withstand hurricanes, those whirly things (tornados X) trident if anyone ever gets round to pressing the old button..X

Finally folks (BritGotTalent is on tonight and we are stuck to it like glue. Our fave is little Ned and thingy from Malaria I mean that other place, and we do love a sing song.X) have you been keeping up with Corrie?? It turns out Ken is just an old so and so who all family want to tap on the head with a heavy red book, BUT Daniel wanted it most, and Bethanee is rescued BUT is dead against it and Nick has turned his back on Leeane.  I mean.  Owner refused to watch Enders in case Staycee drove her over the edge so goodness knows what is going on there except Shirlee shouting at Witnee.X

Have a better week folks, and Owner is in line for one she really is. PS Did I tell you I made a leap for freedom over the back gate? And when I got over the other side I realised folks............... I DIDN'T LIKE IT!!! Owner sprang into action and flung the gate open and says I rushed back through it like a greyhound out of the traps! Ruggles has shown no signs of making a break for it and has only hissed at me a couple of times.  Bertrude has been sunbathing in the bathroom by the window and really startled Owner who is used to seeing Betrude under the bed not outside of it.  I know X

Big Love Wonka XX

Saturday, 27 May 2017

InBacks and Outbacks.

WHATHO my hearties it has been a week for Chelsea flower show, and all things GREEN. 

Is Owner going to vote Green Wonka you all wonder up, fed up to the back teef (more on this later) with election hokerypokery.

SHE MAY DO.  here is what Owner will not do.

1.  vote for that back in the stable not strong woman Tresa Grey. (tick)
2.  vote for that whispering one minute shoutey the next Jezzer (tick)
3. waver about the other ones Tim thingy Liberal dem and has been known to go shouty and red faced (half a tick)(still wavering)(I mean)
4. Not in mill years (giant Tick X)

this much we know folks.  AND you know what happened in americee IT MUST NOT come over here.  donwald the trump is a lesson to us all.  End of.X

There I am!!! Can you see me basking in the sunnyshine on top of Owner's Dad's workbench.  I love it out there and have practically stopped hissing and growling at Owner, at Ruggles and at the plants OH and that gnome.  I love him.X
In other news folks, Owner has finally crawled to the end of the contract with those pesky 6th form students and is on the scrap heap.  YES she knows all about these heaps and is only slightly despondent.  On a setting of about 4 to 5 folks which I might say I can live with.X
There she is!! atop the scrap heap which folks, is in keeping with flower show things AND green things too. will it last? watch this space because Owner's is always hopeful and EVERGREEN!!! boboom.X
Finally folks, the teef thing.  Owner announced on Mundee night in the middle of, MY TOOTH HURTS please let it be a touch of neuralgia or something very like that ANYTHING but toofache.
folks it was the wrong one and everyone TOUS LES MONDE had to suffer alongside Owner.  The Dentist and I mean the ex dentist folks was forced at stare point to prescribe antibiotics! The chemist had to hurry up with them!  The GP had to prescribe painkillers! And finally, at 5 pm on Tuesdee, Owner could say to me WONKA the pain has ceased.  All horrid things must have a good side and here it is.  Owner is booked in with a dentist who will call her by her name instead of skipping that minor detail, who will tell her nicely and lead up to the news that a toof OR two may need a lot of treatment AND of course it will be very expensive.  hallo credit card and goodbye to Dentists who have no people skills.  The end of.X
The telly has featured here and there and FINALLY FOLKS we know who cracked Ken over the nut in Corrie.  it was smarmy old thingy who claims to be his long lost son and shacked up with that other one we cannot for the life of us recall her name.  him and her anyway.  Is it Daniel cries Owner proud to remember.  Alright I goes, tell me the name of his girlfriend who got arrested for nothing. I CAN'T she droned back to me.  In Enders there are new people and old people returning, jack has been arrested for something and Max has gone a bit sopranos.  Stacey keeps saying how much she loves everyone and everything and Owner thinks she is for the chop, or her bloke, or the babe.X
The new week is hovering at the other side of a bank holidee for us folks. That, and no work for at least a week which will give Owner time to assess the new hair shade and either love it OR rush out for another box of kit. Me? thanks for asking, a bit fed up with real fish and chick but I'll get there - Ruggles keeps waving his paw at me and I keep waving back! and Bertrude let me walk past the other night without batting an eye OR hissing. Owner did wonder if she can see.  I know.X
Keep your furry chins up folks and tell anyone who even slightly disagrees with you to go and brush themselves up the wrong way!!! big Love Wonka X

Saturday, 20 May 2017

Giving up is not for us!

WHAT IS THIS WONKA! you all mutter up, meaning to say HAS OWNER CAVED IN AND RUN AWAY TO SCOTLAND???

Has she heck as like as Steve would say in Corrie but to be fair folks, and you know that is my middle name or is it FUR!!!!   to be fair, she has had plenty to run away about. (LIST. you know you love our LISTS.X)
1.  No one that is PERSONNE believed her about aged sibling's lost munney. It has caused a lot of upset especially when Owner went all detective a la prime suspect and said who took it!! The nice policeman wrote it all down and said things like - we are talking about damage limitation.  I know X
2.  I did tell Owner not to make that phone call, the one where she went hysterical and called everyone very stupid (although it is the watershed I cannot repeat what she really said.X) it is alright though as all think she is a bit mad anyway (don't forget folks she does not bother to proof read this diary thingie so I am in the clear.x)
3. She has not heard back from anyone at the good publishers Austin Macauley to explain why NO ONE or PERSONNE has heard of or is reading our fab stories. And this despite a million emails folks!!


Here we are folks!! this is our very latest story self published on #amazonkindle - it is entered into a big fat competition and if we win it I will personally eat all those biscuits up yes those ones that I usually leave for ruggles.X BUT it does not have to win the competition JUST YOUR HEARTS!!!! X
Somehow Owner staggered to the end of a horrid week only weeping here and there and only shouting at other drivers A LOT. I am just grateful Wonka, she droned to me, that they cannot hear what I am swearing I mean saying.X
Me? thanks for asking, I have done myself proud, going OUTSIDE into real outback breathing in real sea air and sniffing every single leaf and weed growing in a pot.  As for that gnome I KNEW YOU WERE A GNOME.X
Ruggles has been darting here and there laying on Owner's Dad's bench outback and pretending he knows it all.  Bertrude has got under my paws a couple of times but mostly just hissed in my face.X
I turn round for two seconds and this silly old diary publishes itself, DOH.  What I meant to report on was the silly old election debate where silly old Tresa Grey stopped at home and as for Jezzer I dare say he was on a rally somewhere.  BUT folks, it gave those pesky Greens a chance to shine and we love them!x  In telly world we have clung to Corrie and poor Bethanee will she get rescued from horrid thingie who she is engaged to.  Feelan is still getting away with murder and Nick is suspicious of everyone but the babe who isn't his.  I know.X  Enders has spun off into food bank land and Witnee has gone on a spending spree with NO MUNNEY and Mick has said he will never leave her again. I know.X  There were other programmes to watch but with Owner's attention span whittling down to half a second at best, it has to be FAST and GOOD if you see what I mean.X
Now surely this coming week which is Owner's last week at college (how she will miss those smartphone addicted students X) must be an improvement on last? and if it isn't folks that escape plan to Scotland is BACK ON!! cat carrier alert!! Seriously folks, sleek down that fur tell yourself you look THE BIZ and jump and down on anyone who tells you different!  Big Love Wonka X