Saturday, 16 September 2017

TOYS and Aliens.

WHAT NOW Wonka you all wonder up slowly coming to grips with it being the weekend?  Folks, Owner has seen it or heard it or even made it up.....HOW can I be sure but she thinks there will be a new TOY STORY 4.  Are you getting muddled up with the Alien series Owner I said until she firmly reminded me there are more Aliens than that.  And she should know folks because she insisted, for a treat, on watching all of them YES ALL OF THEM in a film fest for her Birfdee.

And now, the first spaceship engineer to be slaughtered in space by said Alien, has gone off to the next room.  That is Harry Dean Stanton folks, who, in the film and at Ripley's request went on a mission ALONE to find the ship's cat...........the good news was that although he got snaffled up by the nasty creature hiding in the pipes, the cat made it home!!! This alone kept Owner keen to cuddle up to Aliens, Alien 3 (half way through this.  I have been watching bits of it folks from behind Owner's head on the back of my giant nest the settee,X)and the other two are lined up.  ALL in readiness folks for the newbie alien film.  Will you be alright watching it Owner I said up, you know how nervous you get.......I CAN WATCH IT IN THE DAYTIME she droned to me.  I know.X

There we are!! Me and Ruggles with our Xmas toys!!X
POURQUOI you all shout at me now, are we looking at this Wonka??!!  Owner suddenly challenged me on the extent of my toys.  ARE YOU PLAYING WITH THEM?? she goes to me out of the blue when I was nicely by the searing hot rad. (Yes the heating is back on thank goodness folks.  We don't go in for that extra jumper thing in this house.X) I have to say that beyond giving one of my tinkley balls a good bat down the hallway now and then OH and snuggling up to my ragged old catnip fish the thing I enjoy chasing I mean playing with most is Ruggles!! or Bertrude!!  Owner made me look at the big carrier bag full of toys PLUS the ones sitting next to it and everything.  Like you folks, just because I don't play with them every two mins, doesn't mean they must go to the green monster outback who eats up all the rubbish OR be given away to a needy cat stroke kitten. I will play with them I promise I said to Owner.  I mean.X
What else you all grumble has been going on Wonka?  Wall to wall birfdees folks where we just turn round from one Birfdee and it is another one!!!  and in case it is YOUR birthdee today then this folks is for you!! X
Have a wondrous day!! X
Boris has been here there and now is shouting about billions of £s and Brexit on toast again.  He has his adoring fans and he has everyone else who thinks he is a ninny.  WILL HE HAVE ANOTHER POT SHOT AT THE thorny crown of the Tory lot.  We think he will.  His Dad will tell him to 'Go for it Boris lad' and the next thing Tresa Grey will be in the history books and another farce will begin.  Back in labour land it has gone as quiet as a mouse and we do wonder if Jezzer is trapped on his allotment? perhaps a runner bean OR alien plant has got him?? Vinnie has been on a couple of marches and our beloved Greens are busy standing up for the environment.  We love them.X
PS donwald the Trump is still sending silly tweets off like a water pistol he cannot control the stream of silliness and silly people keep reading them too.X
In tv world we have clung to Corrie and Evah's big lie I mean wedding inches nearer to us.  Can Aiden, who looked drop dead gorgeous in a dress with a touch of make up on his stag night, still love her despite all the lies and that???  Reetah is still going bonkers and Feelan is still kidnapping Andy.  I know. In Enders as predicted NO ONE, de rien I mean PeRSONNE died in all the shooting and gas thingies.  Max has somehow been intertwined with all injured parties even making another attempt on Jane's life.  AS A FAIRLY BORING Character droned Owner, she is proving indestructible.  A bit like those Aliens folks.x
Now for reasons only logical to Owner she is desperate to get back to work and annoy I mean help all those students.  This means panic stations on Mundee when she goes into full throttle.  Me and Ruggles are sort of ready for it and will stand easy whilst she does her sufi dancing and eventually slides out of the front door.x  Bertrude as you all know, will not notice any difference whatsoever.we love her. X
Now do all of you go on to enjoy the weekend what is left of it, and a bit of telly that is any good to watch.  Owner will insist on the Hex Factor and Casualtee if it is not shoved to one side for a football match or some athletics or something else we never watch.X
wherever you are folks fluff up your fur and tingle those whiskers!! Big Love Wonka X

Monday, 11 September 2017

An Egyptian Tale!! X

Before you say anything folks like WHAT IS THIS NEWS Wonka!!  I am proud to tell you that the story that has been released into the wild IN PRINT last February is now available
on ....YAYZERS

Is that the one with Ramondo in it?  YES.  End give it a whirl once it has completed its conversion thingy.  YOU WILL LOVE IT as I do tell a whopping good tale.x
See you later!! big love Wonka X

Saturday, 9 September 2017

The Birthday Season X

IS IT YOURS WONKA? you all shout up suddenly interested and pleased.... NON! NYET and nope.  No one that is Personne knows when my good birfdee is so in the grand tradition of Winnie the Pooh another famous animal who is a bear, I am constantly having a very happy UN birthday!! so it is treats all the days AND I do try to share these with the others.  I do.X

It is just Owner who has a birthday on the horizon and yes they are all BIG ones now, but that nice chap in aged sibling's housing centre thingy cafĂ© said YOU LOOK 17! and Owner has been very happy ever since.  Said sibling has had his birthday and my best Auntie that is Owner's daughter has had her birthday so you see folks, it is the month for it.  AND let us not forget that good Prince Harry shares his day with Owner's.  End of.X

There we are!! Owner suddenly decided to do a new little advertisement for this very blog. Pourquoi? I says to her, thinking what has brought this flurry of advertising on.  IT IS ALL ABOUT MARKETING WONKA she droned to me saying things like BRANDING and TARGETS.  personally I think she is taking too much notice of those relentless nudges from FB but who am I??  ONLY THE MAIN CAT that's who! X
It has only gone and done that silly billy publishing thing when I am not prepared for it as if to get me back for saying things about the adverts.  I know.X
In other more exciting non birthday news, Owner is still busy at home and not at work not lifting anything heavier than a kettle.  if all the advisors had said DO NOT LIFT anything approaching Wonka, Owner thinks that is a better measure.  has she been relaxing and watching wall to wall tv, boxsets and films.  NOT a bit of it.  Instead she went off out, saying she would be back soon and instead shuffled back in HOURS later with a new hairdo.  THAT LOOKS NICE OWNER I said desperate for some tea time.  I LIKE IT she said rushing to wash it and blow dry it and spray it into submission.  Folks.  it looks a treat and was well worth all those hours with bits of paper on her head.X
In the wicked world of nasty downright silly politics we were liking anna soubry but now! maintenant, we have changed our minds because she won't keep still about brexit INFACT she is keen on it now.  the latest hashbrown on it is exit from brexit and we love it.  Vinnie Canble is heading up a MARCH and you know he is our fave senior politician and that jezzer is bottom of the list.  he may be tending to his allotment we don't know.  As for Tresa Grey she has grabbed a few headlines for refusing to talk to someone or other.  Same old same old.X
Thankfully amongst all the birthdays and hairdos and non kettle lifting there has been Corrie and Enders.  In Enders there was a gas explosion which unfortunately didn't carry off the long list of characters that Owner had prepared.  We are struggling to think of one.  BUT a gun went off (don't ask) and shot Jonnie that is thingy and Mick's son AND jane was left to die in the burning bistro thing that is Ian's. Despite loving her to the bench and back, he did nothing to save her and left it to mad max to leave her to die in there.  Is she dead? is she heck.  last but not least, stephen the one with the pretend everything is now dead.  HURRAH!! over in Corrie Reetah has come up with an ace excuse for forgetting stuff which is to blame it on the blood pressure tablets.  like the rest of the nation Owner went to google this to see if that was aged parent's demise.....Feelan the big bad wolf next to that other one who pretends to love everyone but doesn't (Meechelles' ex) is busy convincing Andy who he has kidnapped and kept in a cellar THAT HE IS going to set him free!! Only andy believes him so far.   We love it to shreds.  tonight it is the battle of the Strictly and the Hex Factor with Casualtee sewn on the end.  We love it we do.X
Next week is the big week for Owner and my work will be cut out making that day a special day.  it means checking on ruggles and Bertrude to the nth degree to see they are behaving.  Can I help it if all they do is HISS in my face and put their paws up? can I? Ruggles is fast over on the blanket box and Bertrude did pop out from under the bed for her breakfast and a small spat with me. I love them.x
Now do avoid being the wake of a hurricane or earthquake if you can they are very dangerous and we send lots of thoughts and keep safes to you if you are there.  NATURE droned Owner, will get us in the end. Either that or that chappie who is playing with fire over on the other side of the world.  Now do keep your furry chins up folks! tingle those whiskers and pad softly forward in the week ahead.  you never know it could be the best week of your life!!
Big Love Wonka X

Saturday, 2 September 2017

Is it a Monster?x

Morning up folks and howdee up wherever you are.  WHAT is all this about a monster you immediately want to know.  The thing is, in this house there are lots of them.  Spidders COULD be a monster, that strange bug thing that made Owner go WHAT THE HECK IS THAT ( it was crawling along the curtain rail, until Owner spotted it, captured it, and released it into the wild to be a MONSTER out there.) well that was a Monster albeit (how I love that word.X) of a small variety.  but the big Q was all last week, for Ruggles no less, was: Is Owner's grandson a Monster?
There we are!!! and Ruggles would not be budged from his opinion.  for Ruggles, it is a well known fact that Monsters will use all means of enticement like speaking softly, popping plates of fresh chick under his nose, saying things like 'here we are Ruggles!' and 'hallo Ruggles!' NO NYET and NON - all these things in rugglesis book add up to being a full on MONSTER.  I am less wary me, and take it all in my striding hind legs.  I know that Owner has more to fear by way of getting grandson monster to make a move than set upon an innocent ruggles.  As for Bertie bubb, you've guessed it.  the worst that happened to little Bertrude was when Owner dropped her pot of reduced fat biscuits and it missed her bonce by a millimetre.  End of.X
What of Owner and her recovery?  She just had one tiny meltdown folks shouting at nothing (I could not see anyone.x) about her ability to cope.  I did say Owner are you proving the point but luckily she didn't hear me above her rant.  Once it was over we all fell back to normal and I ever spied her chipping away at her hair in the bathroom and if that isn't normal I don't know what is.X
yes it has been wall to wall soaps and wotnot when we could find them.  A LOT of things get moved so that a bunch of wild men can kick a poor little ball around a giant field but Masterchef saved the day and especially Ulrika, we love her.  Tonight blow me down but it is the Hex Factor returned to haunt us? liven us up? make us go funny?  You know that we are slaves to it in this house BUT Owner has said she is NOT OVERKEEN on Nicole thingy.  Owner reckons she is false beyond false.  Me?  thanks for asking and I do like Shazzer she is my fave. it matters not because we will be stuck to it all Autumn.  There I have said it.  September is a funny month chock full of birthdees and every year there is the worry about WHAT OWNER WILL DO ON HERS.  but not to fear folks, I have several hideys lined up!!!X
 None of those pesky politicians have said much and Tresa Grey just spent a fortune on a trip to Japan JUST to sip tea at one of their ceremonies.  Any of us good folk would be glad of a trip to Japan but OH NO it must be her. and then she must 'condemn' someone for doing something that any of us good folk would SEIZE an opportunity to say nasty things about.  AND she is on a massive amount of pounds to do all of this.  Hang on!!! Now I am having a giant rant.X (all Owner's fault it is.)
This week Owner span into action and has been talking up some of our stories all on my special FB page folks and here is the link:
You will see fab photees of ME and lots to do with our stories.  Go to it!! X
WHY you all shout at me, didn't you do that before Wonka??
I only just thought of it folks, PLUS, Owner droned to me to try it.X
So after a very upside down how's your father week, we are slowly coming Owner will get back in the car with no name and pop to see Aged Parent, her Mum.  HAS SHE BEEN OK Wonka, you all want to know.  She has been spoken to and reassured by Owner, that all is well and that funny dream she had (Aged Parent) about a big row between Owner and her daughter, hasn't come true. yet.XXXX
ARE YOU SAFE TO TAKE TO THE ROADS Owner, I whispered up to her from well behind the kitchen door. I FEEL FINE she chirps back busy doing all the things she has been advised to wait for weeks to do. You know how it is folks, there is the rules and there is Owner's set of rules.
Now just to spur you all on and mention that if you fancy a Chinese take away don't hold yourselves back.  IT IS Delicious according to Owner AND there is a fortune cookie too.  Owner's said this:
'You will soon discover your hidden talent.'
How soon, soon is, I cannot say folks but it was fun to read and fun to eat!! XX
Have a wonderful week, this first week in September, and look out for all the signs that the end of the year is approaching!! Big your fur up, flutter those whiskers and GO TO IT!! big Love Wonka XX

Saturday, 26 August 2017

Nothing to be Scared Of!!

HOWDY UP FOLKS! and how are you all this brightish, warmish bank holidee weekend alright it is in our tiny isle BUT might not be where you are.  IF you are basking in uncomfortably hot temperatures (I need to zzzzzzzzzzz after all those long words) then it is your fault End of.  Back here all is happening.X

There we are folks!! You recall I did mention Owner going into Hospital for a ROUTINE thingy wotsit?? Well it has happened and she is back home and already (this is how I know Owner is on the mend) her and my beloved Auntie that is Owner's daughter ARE ON EACH OTHER'S NERVES.  but in the meantime Owner has some very important Hospital tips if you ever have to pop into hospital yourselves.  I mean I know all about this from the Vets, when they say OH YES he can have a 2 week really expensive injection but NO ONE Personne, says alright Wonka you will feel a tiny scratch do they?? there is no warning about any of it, including taking temperatures either.  herewith Owner's helpful List:
1.  Take their advice ONLY when it suits you, it feels alrightish, you like them.  if you cannot say YES SIRREE to any of them then do not take the advice just follow your own.
2.  The all important instruction to RELAX.  this is only ever issued when you are about to experience pain, or feel horrid, or be uncomfortable.  On no account relax, do stiffen up every muscle and get tensed up ready for the horrid pain.  Scream loudly at will and ignore the nasty nurse who is ready for retirement and should not be there anymore.
3. Hospital is NOT A PRISON.  if you cannot escape as early as you would like and you have exhausted every known escape route - befriending a nurse, paying deep respect to the Doctors, pouring the evidence away down the loo if you think they won't like it - then simply sign yourself out.  Even though you will be made to feel a silly billy who is risking their life by doing it.  you know, it is only to save them a giant law suit when you die ten mins after getting in the taxi home.
4.  laughter really is the best medicine and I'm pleased to say Owner has laughed out loud albeit ironically on a number of occasions now.  This reassures me, Ruggles and Bertie that normal service is nearly resumed.
5.  Last but not least, if the only real bit of advice is not to lift anything heavier than a kettle it does mean not lifting me up.  I take umbrage (get me! X) at being described as the side of a house by Owner but I can outdo a kettle any day.X
All of this means the silly season is still on FULL POWER and we must watch end to end boxsets, bad films and wotnot. Owner has kept up with Corrie, ignored Enders mostly for fear it will undo all the good work of the hospital and even defy lifting a kettle.  There is much to look forward to as the Hex Factor is back and Autumn beckons not to mention the birthday of nearly all in the family. I know.X
There is still no real news from Tresa Grey or Jezzer except he has popped up at  a few rallies but it may be his double anyway.  As for Vinnie we still have high hopes.  Donwald the Trump continues his childlike grasp of heavy duty politics by simply doing away with stuff he doesn't like or not eating it.X
Now it is the last week of August when people are still GOING ON HOLIDEE and such like.  Give it a week or so and then September beams down with all the reason and sense we will need for the run up to...................nearly said it but changed my mind folks. XX
Bertie continues to cost a fortune and Ruggles is enjoying his days like the senior citizen he is.  Me?? thanks for asking and just about coping with Owner's efforts to rest. (not going to happen) and relax (???) so just to say folks, go and have a beauty week full of sweets and films and good things and whatever you do, get that fur combed!  Look nice and be nice!!  Big Love Wonka X

Saturday, 19 August 2017

Good Game Good Game!

We are not talking football or tennis or beloved Snookerooni folks we are talking BRUCIE Forsyth who has now moved into the next room.  89 years he did spend on this earth and for most of it, entertaining us poor folks addled in our wits and needing some fun and laughter to sort it!! herewith Owner's weensy tribute to him:
There we are!  and we hope he is still on his toes as his TAP was pretty neat.X
In other news the week has shuddered on with all its usual emails not getting there and turning back up. WHAT IS THE POINT! shouts Owner and I did say have you tried that old fashioned way that is called sending a letter but luckily she didn't hear me about bashing out a letter.  I WILL HAVE TO HANDPOST IT! she shrieks to me and moaning about the silly old directions that the laptop coughs up.  it turns out that where the email didn't get to is only 7 mins away as the crow flies.  I know.X

I have only had one or two ALRIGHT three or four spats with ruggles and none with Bertrude but that is because Owner reckons Bertrude cannot see much. Last night she went over to her miniscule pink teddy bear and sniffed it.  Owner was very much encouraged by this outburst of activity as Bertrude rarely does much.  other than eating sleepin and the other.  I make up for this of course by being all over the house and now out as well checking all the hollows and dark places, I even went into the little outhouse thingy wotsit and had Owner on the run! THERE YOU ARE Wonka! she said after half an hour searching for me and nearly printing out a load of WONKA IS MISSING Posters.I mean X

IS THE WINDOW FIXED? you all wake up and want to know.  Nothing, DE RIEN, is that simple in this house folks and you might know that the old window resisted being taken out quite strongly, and is now replaced with a piece of board with holes in it so we can all breath BUT the new window cannot be popped into place just yet.  WHY IS THAT WONKA? you now ask.  And surely you know the answer.......................
The Joiner is going on HOLIDAY.  It is AUGUST and every second person in the known world is doing it.  Except Owner.X

The telly has been on as per and we have clung to Corrie and Rita  going wonky now which folks, I tell you, is too close to home for Owner what with Aged Parent and having to fend off an entire NHS system (Can Owner do it? if anyone can, she can.X) BUT because of this wonkiness Rita has accused our fave Gemma of a crime her horrid mates carried out!! it is alright, Rita has come back round but will their relationship survive! But the real twist of the night was that horrid Feelan has been keeping Andy a prisoner instead of murdering him!!! he is held in a cellar somewhere! Back in Enders Fil has gone mad and revealed to thingy that he murdered his Dad in the KARLOT.  Owner may rename it SALEM'S LOT now.  Anything folks to keep her smiling and not attacking the telly when Stacee appears or WITNEE behind that bar.X

In the wicked world of politics Donwald the Trump is still the president but perhaps the best way to end this is simply for all his cabinet thingy to resign get sacked go sick or go on holidee.  That way he really might be the last man standing.  Who knows eh.  Tresa Grey may or may not be back off her trekking hols she does cheep up with the odd comment mildly condemning what other folks are all shouting and dying for.  jezzer is still on his health farm or allotment making jam while the sun shines. We love Vinnie Cable whatever he is doing.  he can do no wrong at the minute.X

Owner tells me daughter is coming through for a few days and this would explain the flurry of activity in the fridge and in the spare bed dept.  And the cleaning and monster dept too. They are planning on a giant DVD fest and sweets and that.  anything folks to cheer that Owner up I'm all for it. THE IMPACT when things go wrong folks is hard to bear BUT I do have several hideys. PLUS blending in with the carpet that Owner doesn't like too.X

Now the coming week might be a trifle up and down as Owner is having to attend a hospital for what she describes merrily as ROUTINE Wonka.  she should go in and come out very swiftly and I won't notice. She says. What I do expect is to be spoilt rotten by my auntie before during and after.  End of.X

it is raining here after a beauty week of sunny shine and the best news of the week is guess what folks?? NO that is not it. it was that the Car with No Name went and passed its MOT that's what and one less thing for Owner to drone on about.  It is alright for now Wonka she said up!  Do go on and pass all your MOTs and EMAILS getting to their destinations and if you are going through a hard time of it, think of US, because our time of it is harder folks.
alright the same then! Keep your purring positive and look friendly!! Big Love Wonka X

Saturday, 12 August 2017

Silly Billy Season

IT IS AUGUST as if we did not know this screeched Owner to me!!  There are now two stock answers for all know problems.  Excuses rolled out to explain everything that IS GOING WRONG.

What are they Wonka? you all shout at me anxious to know.  herewith:

1.  YOU MOTHER IS EIGHTYSIX YOU KNOW...... this remark is guaranteed (spelling!! good use of word!! X) to get Owner's mood setting from round about 2 to 3 to TEN in seconds folks.  she is dribbling at the mouth saying things like ' WELL I DIDN'T KNOW THAT!' and 'AND??????? £$%*****^%$££ .  This answers practically any questions Owner may put forward EVEN IF it is not relevant.

2.  IT IS AUGUST YOU KNOW..... this one explains why joiners cannot be found for love nor money and specially not by Owner's landlord. Again, more dribbling at the mouth when Owner says it is over a month ago that she first (nicely folks X) put in a request for a straightforward job to fix a window.  Is it fixed folks??? well it is August you know..............(the whole universe and all joiners are on holiday. or sick. or just not there.X)

Here we are !!! It is that nice Larry cat from Number 10 with a postcard from thingy.  she is on some trotting around holidee BECAUSE IT IS AUGUST. X
Now all these frets and worries to one side how is Owner bearing up you all wonder to me?  You will be pleased to know the latest complaint is filed away AND a series of appointments, ALL UNECESSARY Wonka, to aged parent have been cancelled.  IT IS ALRIGHT for them, she moaned up to me, TO GO SICK and change appointments - she did say more than that folks, but she didn't notice I had popped upstairs to my secret hidey and I cannot hear anything once I am there.X  YES SHE IS FINE and her mood setting is approx. 4 -5.  End of X
Listen to this though Folks!!! Owner set off yesterdee determined to spend some money (alright dust down the credit card X) BUT CAME BACK with de rien!!  I didn't like the rugs she goes to me (for the front room which no one PeRSONNE ever goes in) AND I could not find what I wanted in the charity shop.  This rarely happens folks and today may be different.  I did say do we really need an expensive rug but she may not have heard me above changing the facilities.  NO it was not me it was Bertrude.X
Ruggles barely says a word these days and I think in his head he has gone on a long holiday.  Infact in aged parent language it is his age.  Since Owner found a nice soft blanket for him (it was Diva's, Owner's beloved dog of yore,X) and laid it down in the kitchen he has loved it.  I did say what about me but quickly agreed with Owner that I do have millions alright a fair few resting up spots on each level of our new home.X  PS Bertude is sugar dandy and is either going blind or deaf or both of them as she hardly noticed when I glided by her and ate most of her very expensive biscuits up.X
What then, you all shout at me HAS KEPT US going and kept Owner's chin up??  A nice phone call with cousin did help folks, where they both moaned to each other and laughed.  This is said cousin she is the biz AND Owner will have a break away later on this year.  I am already making plans for a very spoilt time of it!

There she is!! and who knows folks, she could even visit us! (it is August.X)

Now there has been more huffing and puffing from Donwald the Trump who cannot stop himself.  Back here, there is still the mantle of silence except from silly billy Kipper party who are busy deciding what horrid platform to sell their next political wares from AND who is to head them up!!! We still love Vinnie the Cable in this house. X

On the telly at the minute folks is The Stand.  WHAT IS THAT Wonka? you all say frightened you are missing a new boxset. NYET!  it is a Stephen King story from a zillion years ago BUT we are loving it.  it is about the end of the world well for the US of A then and all the survivors are headed to a jolly old black grandma Abigail in the styx and opposite a giant cornfield.  it is the BIZZ.  Aside from this we clung to Animal Rescue Live with good supervet, and those 10 puppies too.  it has been I am pleased to say a very animal loving week here and even the aged parent tuned in despite being 86.  I know.X

Time to have a brief look ahead to the coming week folks.  Owner is all geared up for MORE DAFT EXCUSES and will turn the tables with a few of her own. ME? thanks for asking, hoping to enjoy a few zzzzzzzzzzzz on the workbench outback in the sunnyshine if there is some (IT is AUGUST.X) Big Love Wonka XX PS here I am doing just that X