Saturday, 16 June 2018

Make Em Laugh!

Wonka!! YES I say up to my adoring folks????

YES I DO FOLKS!! Even if, (like my bestest Owner in the entire galaxy) this means a hysterical laugh.  I know.XX
There I am!!! From the LAST World Cup folks and if that wasn't funny I don't know what was YES you have to laugh at what you cannot do anything about. AND folks, it is all to play for on Mundee!!! WILLYOUBEWATCHING Wonka?? you all shout up and want to know YES SIREE and I may even pick a winner....... you will have to visit my facebook page that is Williewonka to find out though....................XXXXXXX
Now the other thing to laugh IN THE FACE OF is adversity folks, and Owner knows all about this.  I could write a book about it Wonka she droned to me (personally folks I thought she already had and called it 'Conversations with Wonka.' and then uploaded it to - just saying.X) This week alone that Admin Monkee has been busy altering and calculating and generally taking away, dividing it by 8673057665*&^&^%$^ and timesing it by 9676529&^%%$$ and thinking Owner wouldn't notice.  Several fraught and fussy phone calls later, all was well.  ISH.X
There I am again!! and the good news folks is that when I trapped that gown by the trailing belt causing Owner to stand still for a minute DID SHE LAUGH?? She did folks!! and she thought I was a champion comedian too.  End of X (take that Ruggles!!!! with your bonny angel face and affectionate ways!! )
Back in the realish world of pollytics, the Government were defeated and then they weren't amended themselves saw a bunch of fellow MPEEs walk out and then patted themselves on the back over and over again.   As for Jezzer and his merry social movement we think it is bedding in down at the allotment party.  Donwald met Mr Un on a leisure theme park island wotnot thingy and may or may not have signed something AND patted himself on the back over and over again.  All these power crazed people in charge.... Vinnie may be resting up somewhere as no news to report of him and his charge to END the brexit breville.  Owner kept shouting how she would vote for Nicola if she could. So folks, it is still on the cards that we move to a) Sconny botland or b) the wilderness I mean the Netherlands.X
On that wonderful telly we have clung to Versailles and there is a Man in the Iron Mask in the Bastille!! and, Philippe is busy uncovering the mystery with Fabien that ace detective at his side, in My girl, there was a kidnap an escape and a knees up and elsewhere we clung to corrie where AT LAST baby Susie is revealed as AAADEN's child! and it was Toytown that said it much to Owner's surprise who thought her lies could not stretch any further - and poor Peetah cannot get his head round it all.  WAS this that and the other all a lie he challenged up? YES says Toytown crying through her teef.  due to the world Cup Footie taking over I have persuaded Owner to 'GET INTO IT.' We only have 4 War films left - and they are all nail biting stuff folks especially the one where he fought his way out of a jungle to be rescued by a helicopter.  I mean.XX
Now here is the best news of the week as far as I am concerned.  Owner only got herself a shout for some work!! and survived it. (no one fell over Wonka she told me when she fell back in.  There were a couple of students creating mischief and taking on the role of class comic but apart from that, she is still standing.) and there is another shout for the coming week.  It is all munny in the coffers I says to give her heart.  It is high time she helped us instead of the entire needy world out there!!  (sorry needy world.X)
Now I must dash as the next footie match is starting and folks there have been two so far - Owner did enjoy France v Aussieland and wanted down under to win it!!  Those pesky Russians have scored some goals and not to forget NYET that the entire thing is hosted by that country, we don't mind if they score a goal here and there
and all I can say is UDACHI which we are all hoping means Good Luck in pesky Russian.  To all else we say Bon Chance! Viel Gluck!! Buena Suerte ! and Succes!! (that is Dutch and in case we do move there!!! X)
Get plenty of beauty sleep folks and face that new week with fluffy fur and frisky whiskers!! big Love Wonka X PS my prediction for this latest game Peru v Denmark is Peru to win it!! 2 1. XXXX

Saturday, 9 June 2018

Human Rights Are Us!!

NOW WHAT WONKA!   You all shout at me wondering what the heckerooni (I made that up and I like it.X).

Owner has been to a regional conference folks - and wait for it - big roll on those over rolled was to Amnesty International!! BLIMEY you all say to me well impressed - how did she get on Wonka?  When she fell back in having had to do three circuits of the town and outskirts to find a parking space for the car with no name BECAUSE all the folk who have human rights had taken it upon themselves to park up in our street and leave those pesky clocks on their dashboards saying we have only been here for 5 minutes..............YES so when she fell back in I said to her I said.  HOW DID YOU GO ON Owner?

I liked it Wonka, she said.
OH I goes back brushing up against the facilities (Ruggles had just been) and then tapping at my empty saucer with my nose.  Even Ruggles joined in by sitting next to his empty saucer.
I then had to endure, I mean listen to an overview folks of what happened.  To cut this longish story short rest assured folks that wherever there is a human right to be righted my best Owner in the entire galaxy, she is on it! With knobs on!!! XXXX

There we are folks! A fresh sketch by Owner of that Admin Monkee who was hard at work this week too!! this time it was the water bill that was paid not just once but twice!!   We are keeping a big eye out for him her and it!! X
What else you all chime in, has happened in this pesky week?  Owner has sorted out even more things for the upcoming Art fair and keeps telling herself how good it all is.  I AM PROUD she says to me.  Keep your eye on the money though, I did whisper back as we are still a mere whisker away from starving.  The credit card our faithful is still there as a back up but I have warned as you all know against using it.  PAY IT OFF Owner I advised - and alright it was from the uppermost level of the housey with my head buried in the softness of Owner's best nest BUT she knows folks she knows..X
All the madness of Brits got some talent is over for another year so we have clung to beloved Versailles!! How we do love the French bruvvers - and million pounds to spare for a decent menu we are cuddling up to that too and shouting for the winners to win!  As it happens neither of the cooks won anything last week (not enough thrills in the vegan kitchen and (I quote folks,X) 'too much of a risk' for the passion in the kitchen that was Prince.  We love it.  over in Enders Staycee is still in it much to Owner's dismay flicking her swatch of hair about and pretending she is the bees knees GET OFF MY SCREEN wails Owner........horrid Hunter is bashing himself up and blaming it on thingy and his mummee believes he is telling the truth.  These are all storylines to make Owner see red, so quickly turning over to Corrie is the answer.   AliaH has walked out of what is her factory but she doesn't know it UNTIL her bruv reads something and tells her SHE IS, Peetah still thinks Susie is his and wotsits babe and Gary cannot see his own Son.  I mean.X

There we are! Owner's latest cartoon tribute to Corrie and this is where Roy gets to the bottom of Rosemary's psychic shenanigans!!!
In the silly old world that passes for pollytics Donwald the Trump is still coming to visit this tiny isle and I dare say folks will say NO and NON and GO HOME!!!  Tresa May keeps whispering about brexit handkerchiefs or something in that ilk and Jezzer must have snagged his foot on a bamboo truss up at his allotment as I do not recall ONE WORD of his this weekington.  we are all headed for a trip up the river and back that's what with Boris paddling and the rest of them! X
Now folks even though Owner is checked and double checked and checked some more NOT ONE JOB OFFER has come her way.  is she downhearted??? I REFUSE TO WORRY WONKA she says to me all defiant and strong.  I only hope folks her positive attitude keeps going into next week....................X
Now ME? thanks for asking, I am fine YES I miss little Bertie bub who for some reason has come home in a fetching little tub with two paws on it.  AND there is a sketch of her on the wall AND Owner keeps patting the tub and talking to it.  Ruggles is alright and has nearly stopped scritting behind his ear and making it sore.  I SAID NEARLY.X
Do go into next week with your furry head held high and your paws up folks!! Who knows it could finally be OUR BEST WEEK!! big Love Wonka X

Saturday, 2 June 2018

Admin Monkeys X

WHAT ARE YOU ON ABOUT WONKA? what you say up to me, is an Admin Monkee.  folks they have been extra busy bees this year getting up to all sorts of tricks and IT AINT OVER YET.  It has hit Owner, and the ageds AND you will all notice it has been extra busy beeing in the banks and visa departments:
1.  it got busy mucking about with a simple (according to Owner.  I know.) setting up of a standing order - what, you all tell me could be easier than that? eh EH?? the admin monkee got hard at work making sure that it would go out twice in two days, be set at the wrong interval AND in the wrong name.  X
2. people keep handing out this excuse folks they say IT IS HUMAN ERROR!! We, in this household are having none of it - we know there is an Admin Monkey juggling and up to all kinds of tricks for 2018.  We can only hope it turns its attention to an account that doesn't matter OR a bit of post that instead of taking a couple of days to get here, takes a month.
BEWARE this Admin Monkee folks because the latest attack was on that beloved of cards - the credit card, which as you know has kept this humble household afloat for many a year and LUCKILY was not in use yesterday when everyone in the world tried to use it and failed - at the till, at the petrol pump, at the fast foodie.....................................our deepest commiserations!!!!VISA!!
There it is!!! from 2016 which was the year of it - but it has come back that Admin Monkee punkee.X
I am sick and tired droned Owner to me, of people saying well mistakes happen, and paper does go missing, and people are very very sorry........................ personally I would give everyone a big holidee, somewhere nice and sunny and not too hot with a hotel that was ALL IN INC DRINKS and say not to worry! but I said this in a whisper whilst Owner was searching high and low for an important piece of paper!! I mean. we all know that the Monkey has whisked it away to its hidey!! X
YES it has all been stressful and Owner has been missing the bubster who is coming home tomorrow in a little URN with two paw prints on the top of it.  I have tried to make up for there being just the two of us instead of just the three of us by using the facilities just like Bertie would have, eating the biscuits just like Bertie did AND having lots of well earned zzzzzzzzzzzz but on the top of Owner's giant nest instead of under it.  I MISS YOU BERTIE drones Owner every time she pops up to the top level.  As I say I have tried to get under her feet and sit right at the top of the stairs where she needs to put her foot down, as a big reminder of the bubster.  So far in, the only thing it reminds her of is what a nuisance I am....I mean! X

Ruggles has also tried to get lots of attention by wanting food every two minutes, scritting at his sore spots ( I did say to owner he is doing this for attention ignore him, but she is wracked with guilt anyway and needs to add to it by worrying about him and not daring to take him to the vets. I know.X) and taking up the entire settee AND leaving lots of little bits and pieces,  I am worn out with logging it all folks.X

In the wicked world of pollytics, Tresa Grey must be on holidee as we haven't noticed her saying anything but then we don't when she does - as it happened Jezzer must have got caught on some runner beans or strawbs down on the allotment as he been quiet too.  Donwald the Trump has been in out in out in out of meetings with that Kim john wee urn chappie so best not to take any notice.End of.X

glued to Corrie as Mr Phelan finally got despatched to the soap graveyard by Anna!! Seb had a go too, and Nicola and Chell got shot!! Blimey it was all happening and our new fave Flora is a perfect flatmate for Adam. Because Brits got lots of talent was on all week and kept Owner nicely we missed Enders - this is not a terrible shame as it has been taken over by Kat and alfee and staycee et al. This is not the kind of thing to keep Owner happi and I have kept her well away! AND last night when she needed to recover from yet another bout of Admin Monkey, her fave comedy was on that is Hot Fuzz with beloved Simon Pegg we love him.  it is the finally final of Brits got Talent and we want a comic to win as he made Owner laugh out loud.  This is so rare I have recorded it in my special diary. I know.X

The best news though is that Owner's pretty thorough checking to make sure she is not a nutter (?) or ready to attack anyone (?) had finished its long journey (thanks Admin Monkey) and she received a nice certificate to say so - this could mean folks that me and Rug can relax and take it steady while she is hard at it somewhere else.X

So next week could bring changes, GULP, and instead of lots of zzzzzzzz til we want to struggle up, it may mean JUMPING up a bit if you out there are having an admin monkey time of it, just keep going! demand explanations! demand compensation! Keeps those claws sharpened at dab away!!big Love Wonka XXXXX

Saturday, 26 May 2018

Goodbye Bertie Bubb We Love You X

IS IT SAD NEWS WONKA? You all whisper up mindful that it could be.  Folks, it is very very sad news and so, not much from me today in the way of moaning about this, or gloating about the other OR saying anything untoward about Owner - or Rug.X

There she is! Twinkling away in the heavens our Bertie Bubb, who was Bertrude once we found out she was a girlie and not a boy.
WHEN DID IT HAPPEN WONKA? you all want to know, and rightly so, because all these long years, well four of them, that we have known our bubster, you will have loved to hear about her.  About her long journey to find Owner, about how she lived in the Wardrobe, then the Narnia cupboard and once we moved, to her en suite atop the house - where she had the ENTIRE run of Owner's bedroom and the bathroom! but her main nest was under the bed folks - and often as Owner would report, just her paws poking out.
It happened on Tuesdee Morn folks when Owner knew Bertie was not right and got her straight to the new and special Vets at Pets At Home.X
The Vet advised Owner, and after a lot of quiet weeping and being brave, Owner let the Bubster sink into a beauty sleep and on the other long journey to the Sanctuary in the Sky.  NO she has not stopped crying since folks - I do miss Bertie Bubb being there and hissing at me of course I do, now Ruggles he knows NOTHING or DE RIEN as he is in the lap of luxury one floor below!!  The kind Vets sent Owner a beauty card with two little pawprints on the front as a comfort which brought on a fresh bout of weeping folks! Bertie is coming back to us in a little tiny urn with two paw prints on the top and it will live where she used to - said Owner to me in one of her non weeping moments.  I LOVE IT, I says back.X
So now we are TWO, and so endeth the reign of the bubster who was very much loved and we hope, enjoyed her time with us too.
Big Love Wonka X PS be sure to treasure your best pets folks as you never know when they will be called back home! X

Friday, 18 May 2018

I'm getting married in the morning!! Ding dong the bells are going to chime!! X

This folks is a full on Wonka special DEVOTED to all things Harry and Meghan - so  sit back and enjoy our little show.

There they all are!! Tis the bride to be, Meghan and her bridegroom Harry with the best man William AND Owner has popped in Princess Diana that was their Mum - she will be there somewhere wishing her youngest lad the day of his life - and me and Owner think she would have LUVVED every minute when not sobbing into a hankie.X
The very latest news hot of the press folks is that whilst Meghan's Dad for whatever reason folks and who are we? goodness knows we know ALL there is to know about dysfunctional fambilies - Owner is always droning on about hers and as you know, me and Rug and Bubbster are far from harmonious BUT I digress from the important news that AS Meghan's Dad cannot be there, Prince Charles is stepping in as the Father of the Bride and trotting down that aisle with her.  WOOPEE!!  I bet she is very happy with that and I bet Harry is too.  Which means that Doria (like that name I do.X) will be happy too as Mother of the Bride.
I am fairly well exhausted folks with following all the nuptials THE CAKEY has been revealed and looks SPOT ON full of lemons and buttercream and wotnot.  HAVE YOU ANY INSIDE INFO ON THE DRESS Wonka you all shout at me wanting desperately to know??  Owner says she had to put Meghan in something for her little cartoon tribute and HOPES the dress will be in keeping with their future style as a couple - a little bit different and a little nod to other cultures we are hoping for.We think there will be lace and we think it may be a halter neck style and look a bit imperial - a little bit Josephine and Napoleon - but this is PURE speculation folks no one PERSONNE  will know until she appears in the carriage with her Ma.XX
Is Owner watching it with aged parent?? Owner has quite rightly had second thoughts folks as the aged is prone to 1) forgetting who is who 2) needed to sleep through most of the morning and 3) not big on telly watching.  In which case Owner has decided to play it safe and watch it here with US on two tellies - one for the beeb and one for ITV. I AM NOTHING IF NOT FAIR Wonka she droned to me and Rug and Bertrude.X
Little Charlotte and George will be parading about as page boys and girlies and no doubt we will see other important celebs and friends of this magic couple.  Everyone has something to say about them whether they are watching or not, as this couple folks, are going to set a new trend and we love it.XX
Folks as I said, this little special EXTRA is devoted to the happy couple and suffice to say I am brushing up my fur, preening my whiskers and putting on my best dazzling smile for the day!! I have warned Ruggles accordingly and avoided a nasty swipe in the process and even Bertrude hissed quietly at me when I did mention it all.  Enjoy the coverage folks and join me your beloved Wonka in wishing this couple a long and happy married life together!!! Big Love Wonka X

Saturday, 12 May 2018

Harry and Meghan special !

ARE YOU CELEBRATING THS UNPRECEDENTED WEDDING WONKA?? You all shout at me interested even it is only very slightly in what Prince Harry is letting himself in for.

YES Siree!! This marriage will be different to any other that has gone before it folks, as for starters Meghan is not your ordinary bride NO, she is from Americee and she is black.  OH and divorced AND an actress too.  This partnership folks will be off the scale and we must all fasten out seatbelts!! Owner has woken up out of her admin ridden, accounts ridden and poverty stricken trance to say a few choice words about the forthcoming nuptials: 
it will be a new kind of Royal partnership that uses every single drop of the privilege and favour that comes with that for the good of others!  Owner thinks their charity work will help across the globe and this couple will jetset ONLY to arrive at countries that need their help quicker!!  AND she droned to me, Prince Harry's Mum the late great Princess Diana, would have loved it - she too thought of others and how she could help with her name, her royal influence, and here is one of her beloved boys taking up this mantle and now, with Meghan.  We Absolutely LOVE IT.

There they are!! and only a few more days to go folks before they trot down the aisle and become Mr and Mrs Harry. (or, the Duke and Duchess of somewhere over the rainbow.X) We love it, we will be watching it AND I will be bringing you a small Wedding Day special!! X
In other lesser news, I have had my work cut out with Owner waking at 5am in the morning fretting and worrying about money matters.  IT DOESN'T MATTER I says to her from my snug and warm spot on the giant nest, at 5am in the morning NOTHING IS THAT IMPORTANT.  she went back to sleep for a troubled dream and woke up later on with a full on worry wart attack.  I mean folks it is not as if we haven't been up against it before and had to lean on the beauty credit card whilst waiting for that fatal call from the agency...............she has momentarily lost her faith in the universe to see us right, that's all it is folks AND I have checked in the cupboards and me and ruggles and Bertie bubb have plenty of supplies YES even the facilities are catered for.  DE RIEN to fuss about I said from well behind that door at the top of the housey.X
The thing to do when you are having such a grand worry wart is to watch Hot Fuzz with a bag of sweets.  Owner is obsessed with this film and Simon Pegg which is on rather a lot and coincides with her mood rating of minus 4 or 5.  A bag of sweets and that film will generally do the trick.  If not, cancelling Netflix may not have been such a good idea and I did say this as she was feverishly searching for the CANCEL SUBSCRIPTION tab.  It was only after cancelling that she searched for Hot Fuzz and found it.  For some reason, although it has played relentlessly on ITV somewhere she could not find it.  The next best thing to watch is a war film with a hero or heroine in it saving thousands of lives - this will motivate you for at least an hour or two after.X
Corrie has been very sad BUT there is a flash of brilliance which is Flora.  She is an old biddy who had that Vinnie for a son who the rotter Feelan murdered but she doesn't know AND Daniel has taken her in whilst he secures her a fabulous place in a residential home.  Adam who is a relation to Ken Barlow but we forget how, does not like his batchelor pad being wrecked by granny Flora BUT WE LOVE IT.X  In Enders, it is either about Mad Max or Fil or Staycee. it is the Eurovision tonight and we may glimpse some of it.  Owner dare not tell daughter that due to this Casualtee has yet again been pushed aside - there is Brit has some talent though AND a Terminator film if Owner can stay up.  it is her fave the second one.X
So really folks Owner has spent the last few weeks proving this proving that and falling out with some of the people that asked for impossible things.  It is all very well complaining (she complained to me) but it gets you nowhere.  I think she was talking about the latest complaint which is to Talk Talk.  I mean X
In the silly old pollytics world Tresa Gray just keeps apologising that is all she does these days either saying sorry or boasting.  jezzer who would not lead this country if it had a collar round its neck pops up now and then to say something vague and usually he says this in a stage whisper - we think he has got this technique from Mad Max in Enders as he talks in a loud whisper too and thingy, his bruv in it.  Vinnie may or may not have something to say but we haven't heard it.  I know.X
Folks next week can just be an alright week please.  With no more checking Owner is Owner, with no more HOW ARE WE GOING TO  MANAGE, and a bit more faith if you don't mind.  Me?  I just go along from day to day with a little poking around Bertie's trough here and a little looking at Ruggles there ('don't look at Ruggles! says Owner to me she goes 'he doesn't like it.X)
So button up your jackets, put a big smile on and get ready for this lovely wedding at Windsor folks! Be Happy for Harry and Meghan! big Love Wonka X



Saturday, 5 May 2018

Umbrella Days!

Folks!!! IT HAS GONE SO HOT AND SUNNY OWNER HAS propped up the magic sunshade AND the bead curtain adorns the good back door incase of those pesky flies.  WHAT a day folks!! and where are we?? Dozing it all offski in the little sitting room with the blind down and the snookerooni on!! zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

There we are!! me and the Ruggles having a silly old stand off!! We love it. X
As for Bertie bubb, she is fast over on her heated pad.  YES SIREE.  Owner insisted on washing it in the week in a flurry of tidiness and I did say to her I said OWNER MAKE SURE YOU REMEMBER WHICH WAY UP THE LITTLE PAD GOES............. yes I did shout it folks but sure as eggs are free range eggs she forgot and had to google it in case the Bubster gets cold in the night.  Or, on a boiling hot day.  I mean.X
Now besides snooker Owner has spent the entire week up to her neck in accounting and complaining and administrating.  some of it was for her BUT most of it was for aged sibling and aged parent.  I have had my work cut out folks keeping Owner upright and ALRIGHT.  Making suggestions like:
1.  How about wall to wall snooker? TICK
2.  spending some money well just a little bit on a nice treat TICK
3. NOT watching Enders! BIG TICK
4. a 5 pack of doughnuts with jam in...............Massive TICK
The only reason it went slightly off course was a silly email too many from the silly old local authority who even now are wading through a GIGANTIC (good use of word.X) complaint.  Owner has even folks contacted Guardian Opinion.  And if they can get to grips with it I'm a Dutchman. Enders could have an entirely different cast and three hundred new storylines for all we know and the only bit Owner caught sight of was Mad Max who has the KA LOT now and is married to a strange and weird and horrid woman, and FIL saying to him (along the lines of) WOTCH IT. X
Over in Corrie Owner is wrestling with TOYTOWN and her endless lies - one lie leads to another even sillier lie until you think DOES TOYTOWN RUN ALL OF CORRIE?  All she has to say is NO! and all jump to attention.  It is not clever or funny says Owner droning on - next week will be even worse as AYDEN who will never know that Evahs babe which is his is masquerading as Toytown's and Peetahs - he is leaving the show in a really sad way. I DON'T LIKE IT droned Owner when she found out.Between this and an overload of HARRY and MEGHAN which also means a tour round the entire Royal Fambily - well this has saved Owner from popping us all the car with no name and driving to the ferry and beyond.  I know.X
On the snooker table we want KYREN pronounced like SIREN to win it and we don't mind if it is Bazzer Hawkins or Marky Williams to the Final.x
some of the country dragged itself off to the polling centres to vote. NOT US though.  and the result was a nothing result whereby no one PERSONNE made any real difference with Tresa May going on about how successful she is I mean the tories are and Jezzer whispering to the camera about gaining Plymouth, where they make a rather good Plymouth Gin.  AND that is where the  pilgrim fathers set off from folks when they thought about discovering Americy.  I know.  Vinnie put in a small appearance from somewhere and the Greens declared themselves to be the fourth party.  With Jelly and icecream.XX
Donwald the Trump is STILL coming here and paying a visit to Sconny botland and if they can't deal with him NO ONE can.  NO ONE sorts folk out like the Scottish do.X
Owner still hasn't got any work and blow me down if that consultant with the unique selling point talk, did ring her up. HALLO went Owner in that AND YOU ARE? voice.  The call got cut off and Owner said she hung up and anyway it was for some work that Owner could not do.  IF SHE RINGS AGAIN droned Owner, I will hang up on her and pretend we got cut off.  And no folks, I did not disagree as it was cuddling up to my tea time and I need every snack I can get now I am on a Diet.x
Surely next week will be alright Wonka you all say to me, concerned about the planetary line up.  Folks, we must stand firm, and not take any bolloney for an answer.  And I look at this way folks, by the law of percentages, at some stage Owner will be right and they'll all be wrong!!!! Take it steady, have a nice zzzzzz in the sun when things get tough and keep those fangs at the ready!!!
Big Love Wonka X