Thursday, 30 October 2014

Tinkerbooley Thursdee

Wonka here.  you guessed it.  It would be hard not to. HAVE I TO LET HER IN? goes Owner at some point this good morning.  What, I wonder if I had said NO No and no some more....but I didn't say a word and in trots Tinkers.  As it happens, I quite like tinkers except for that annoying bell.  yes, I have sniffed Tinkers, and watched her carefully.  At the minute she is outside on the steps. Bertie, was hard over in his Narnia cupboard and missed all the action.  Does he know he is a cat pondered Owner.  Meaning?  I challenged up from the side of my amazon box.  I have been guarding this, as last time a cat stepped in here (Mr Beaujangles) it laid in my box.  I am not having it again.  But it was alright, as Tinkers found a catnip mousey and played with that.  I quite love it.

Tinkers para.  In between entertaining Tinkers for a short while this morn Owner got on with it.  WHAT you all shout up impatient for news! she has gone and dressed the little side window specially for tomorrow that's what!  Our Halloween Window.  There is the little stick on ghost that lights up and there is Ratty with his red eyes.  There is a new little skull and crossbones and a little chest full of the sort of sweets our good dentist (when we had a good dentist) would scream at.  AAARGH he would say.  Owner has even provided a witches hat for her Dad's carved wooden cat.  it is, to borrow a phrase from owner, PAR EXCELLENCE! and we love it.  There will be photoshoots tmro good folks out there all wondering what it looks like! We love it.

Full of furry purry tinkers para.  There is a small cartoon of Tinkers for your interest good folks:

There she is splayed out on the luxury carpet! and there I am squashed up top.  I thought I was very well behaved and even Owner said VERY GOOD WONKA!  I love it.

Final Tinkerbelle ahoy para.  it is not all doom and gloom Owner kept muttering throughout the day but personally, I am living the dream so cannot comment on that.  yesterdee was all soapboxes and looking tired but today, is another story and episode in Owner's good existence.  First off she is cracking on with our new Christmas Story!  Very excited she is about it.  There is not one story on the go but two!!  The other thing she is revving up to which I have to admit is unsettling for me, just me and nobody else but me, is she is going on about GOING AWAY again.  you know I have masses of aunties but it is not the same.  Bertie will not notice in his dreamy sleep eat sleep furry life but I will notice.  IT'S NOT DECIDED YET she goes, but I know Owner.  this is how she works up to a final decision.  first it is.  MMM I don't know, then it is MAYBE I COULD then it is I AM GOING before it all goes backwards again.  Unsettling?  We invented that word.  Now Rug is steady as you like on the linen basket and tinkers is under the bench.  Have they swapped you all chirp up?  it seem so.  I love it.  Musical steps, benches and sheds.

Final Tinkerboolley para.  last night we managed to take in Corrie x 1 and not good Tracee tries to marry murdering Rob but has Carling black eyebrows dubbed him in?  Fridee will reveal!  then we made it through Supervet who I am a big fan of and so is Owner and we rounded off our night's entertainment with The Apprentice.  Owner predicted firing all three and that is just what Lord Sugah did.  One of our faves, Steven did not do himself a favour and kept rambling on.  YOU'RE FIRED goes Lord Sugah.  One down.  There is nothing on DE RIEN tonight until I find us something. Now it is time for my tea, Bertie's tea and Owner's tea.  Do go steady out there in the Wold good folsk wherever you are in it.  big Love Wonka x

Wednesday, 29 October 2014

Soapbox Wednesdee

Wonka here.  Straight away we bring you one of Owner's fine cartoons.  It is not of a soapbox either!!  it is Owner at aged parent's home enjoying the Midas Touch!!
Here we are!!  Last week when Owner rounded off her emotional day with a visit to aged parent and found them all entranced by song!!  The tears flowed!! NOT SO TODAY folks.  and this is where the soapbox comes in.  I think Owner woke up with a political message ringing in her ears because that is all she has gone about today.  If she has gone on about it once she has gone about it big time.  YOU WILL NOT HAVE ANY FRIENDS LEFT I advised her as she wrote a long thing about her fave debate of the moment on facebook.  I DON'T want friends who disagree with my (quote) fundamental standpoint she burbles back.  personally, and I know you will agree with me, soapboxes are alright if there is a little bit of humour thrown in.  A little joking up here and there to help people accept the unacceptable.  There I have said it.  Is Owner listening?  Not today.  AND HERE'S another thing she continued working herself up to a crescendo (like this expression a lot) but I didn't catch what it was from chasing Bertie up the stairs and into one of his hideouts aka the wardrobe.  I love it.
Soapbox ahoy para.  When Owner finally got off out of it and I could relax a bit, I did listen up to the lively debate on good radio 2 and there were lots of people ringing in who agreed with Owner!  I did mean to tell her when she fell back in laden with supplies and more luxury concrete I mean cat litter but I forgot.  WHAT I challenged up, is in this dept store bag??  And here is the explanation.  Owner says she went in the shop to take something back as it was NOT suitable TICK.  She then spoilt it by buying two items that ARE suitable and cost twice as much as the thing she took back.  I ask you.  This visit was followed up by a visit to the supermarket she cannot stand.  WHY I said, go in there.  I FELT THAT WAY OUT she goes back.  Now I am all for a bit of bluster and hey ho.  Usually.  But on a soapbox day???  Je t'adore.  je pense. De rien.x
Final soapbox day para.  When she got to see aged parent who was leafing through a pile of photos, Owner got a shock.  THERE were TWO of me Wonka, and I looked gorgeous.  I think it was around the same time that Owner fell briefly in love.  YOU ARE LIT up I complimented her (OOH).  then it all fell down because Owner insisted on (quote) bringing aged parent up to date with the news.  That is the news according to Owner.  Once on the hot potato of the day, does aged parent take the opposite view.  AND, told Owner she looked tired.  End of soapbox.  End of looking gorgeous.  I still like my hair though Wonka, goes Owner, and that good folks out there all having soapboxes of your own, is the saving grace of the day.  Now last night by accident we did tune in to a bit of Enders and thought we were watching a pantomime instead,  ALL because dastardly sposed to be dead Nick was alive and well and in Dot's kitchen.  Then we quickly passed onto Holbee and more theatricals to be had including aged parents.  A bit too close too home I murmured but she wasn't listening she was too busy seeing to Ruggles and Tinkers.  Rug is snug as a bug in the kitchen and where is Tinkers?  Mr High Viz has been drilling yes drilling the other side of the living room wall and we are hoping he stops soon.  It is our Corrie X 1 and the Apprentice night and last but not least, it is a sure sign Owner is feeling more the ticket when she finds that soapbox!! Do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x

Tuesday, 28 October 2014

New Star Tuesdee

Wonka here.  What is this you all wonder up, on about a new star??  A new babe has been born into Owner's family.  Yes.  it is third or fourth cousin removed to good daughter BUT this doesn't mean we cannot love her (we are fairly sure it is a girl and if not SORRY boy!) as much as if she (or he) were closer to us.  NO.  What did the new star baby weigh I asked Owner nicely this morn after the usual feeding frenzy had died down.  7lbs and 7 oz she goes back.  Now what this is in that new and complicated kilograms and litres method we cannot say.  Owner is still in feet and inches and barely gets metric at all.  ME?  thanks for asking, well I like a nice centimetre and that and can stretch to some nice mls or litres come to that.  Just don't ask Owner to measure or weigh anything since the revolution.  I love it!.

New star in the heavens para.  Owner is insisting (like this word) on having a cartoon that she did years ago featuring The Star.  It was for a competition that to her knowledge no one looked at and she didn't win it.  again.  What I goes, is the significance (another new word!)? It is from the ancient pack of cards she mumbles on, called The Tarot.  OH I says back, and? (once more in that new and annoying prompting way)  it means the inner peace comes shining through, from a place of trust and hope.  The maiden pours the water into the pool with no fear of going without.  Why is she roaming about with nothing on I had to ask up?  DON'T BE SILLY WONKA Owner goes back to me, this is in keeping with the message of innocence and freedom.  And when I thought about it good folks out there all wondering the same as me, new born babes don't pop out fully clothed either!!!
Here it is!!!  The Star, according to Owner.  There have been many different images of this card down the ages, she droned on (sorry Owner!!), but I like mine the best.  And as a salute to a new born babe so do I!!!  and one of the reasons it stands out to me is of course there is a bird in it, and you know how I do love , how je t'adore le or la oiseau!!! and pardon good folks if my French is a little off the mark.    The bird, droned Owner, is we think an ibis bird. And yes, I love it.
Starry starry para.   Today I have to report that Owner is still off kilter and not well.  Is she resting up? you all want to know.  sort of, and she only needs to take a leaf out of my book (or Bertie's) to see how this is done.  BUT, she will go and do a little job here and a little job there and who am I to stop her??  I mean one of the little jobs was patching up my amazon box which had fallen flat on one side.  GET OUT says Owner SO I CAN FIX IT.  It is now taped up within an inch or centimetre of its life and I love it.  HERE FOLLOWS THE SECOND BIT OF GOOD NEWS for today.  Can you guess what it is?  NO it isn't that.  Owner has sighted, for a brief znth of a second, the new neighbour.  YES!!  Under pressure, she has come up with this description.  (list) 1.  he does not drive as he was dropped off by a mate outside 2.  he was wearing a high viz jacket (possibly I said to cover up that bright blue tea shirt you don't like.) 3.  he sped into the house so fast BUT he is dark haired and young. 4.  Owner has deduced further that he works shifts as the time suggests a 6 am to 2 pm shift.  BLIMEY I says, but I already knew Owner had detective abilities.  The question remains thus:  does Mr High Viz have a family???  Time will tell us.  and yes, we love it!
Final starry eyed para.  today has gone by in a dream, and with an ending.  Owner has finished her beloved book, #thegoldfinch.  She is to take a copy of said book to daughter on Fridee as she cannot bear to lend hers out.  What, you all wonder will she read now??  it is the book she had given for her birfdee, and is about a prisoner of war dog called Judy.  yes there are hankies ready at the side of the bed!  last night we did enjoy Corrie X 2 and Carling black eyebrows wrested the truth from murdering bruv Rob!!  he has admitted that HE DID IT.  will she dub him in or whatever the saying is??we cannot wait for Wednesdees offering.  Tonight it is Enders and we are not keeping up with it plus Stacee seems to have a bigger role than ever and we cannot stand it.  the other big role has gone to Roxee who is marrying the conniving grandson of Dot who thinks evil son Nick is dead and buried when he is alive in the Square.  If we can stand it, we will be glued to Holbee City where all the Doctors and Nurseys need looking at more than the patients.  yes.  So there we good folks out there all perhaps enjoying new things in your lives too.   Rug and Tinkers continue to sit on the back doorstep looking up at Owner as if to say why are we outside?  and tinkers is still extremely tubby.  Could she just be fat I ventured up to Owner, who is feeding her on demand it seems?  I jolly well hope so she says back.  Now do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  big Love Wonka x

Monday, 27 October 2014

Rough Mundee

Wonka here.  Owner reports and I quote having A ROUGH NIGHT.  Meaning? I quizzed up in that new and annoying way.  I am ILL Wonka she goes back.  Despite this and with some gentle encouragement from me and Bertie (pre breakfast) she got up and got on with it.  The best thing, I murmured up from behind the dining room door, is to keep going Owner!!! She couldn't hear me though above trekking to the luxury shed in this force nine gale that suddenly sprang up.  I love it.

Roughish para.  yesterdee as you will all recall I spoke at length about the missing and lost hour.  I am blaming Owner's rough and ill ridden night's sleep on this hour.  And for our good cartoon......
There we are!  me and Owner gazing up at the old kitchen clock without a plastic face to protect it.  That clock, goes Owner, has ticked and tocked in several homes.  we think it is close to nine.  Will it continue its ticking journey in others???  this is the mystery deep inside the clock, along with that elusive hour folks!!  Under the clock is Owner's best calendar for 2014.  It is sporting a ladybird clip to the left and a flower clip to the right and guess what??  YOU GUESSED IT!! We love it. x

Final rough as a scouring pad para.  I am going to have to make this good diary stroke blog short and sweet due to Owner's demise (like it lots).  when she is ill she is very demanding.  LIKE.  Why are you not eating that new and expensive gourmet food Wonka?  she asked of me...I was busy dreaming at the time deep in a zzzzzzzzzz so woke with a jolt!!  to be fair it tasted funny and I don't really do food in gravy.  Bertie of course does all food at all times in all places.  BUT it does not suit his inner workings to eat anything other than sheba terrine.  NO BErtie! goes Owner if he looks over at mine.  YOU CAN'T JUST SIT THERE  RUG TUGGLES she says to Rug who does not move an inch.  See how demanding she is good folks??  This is what we have to put up with when she is ill.  that, and feeling sorry for itself.  I feel old and ugly plus tired she moans up.Me?  thanks for asking, well a fairly busy day keeping an eye out for the invisible neighbour.  NOT YET SIGHTED. it will be my luck, drones Owner, that he/she/they/it will knock on the good front door to introduce themselves when I am looking .......(you can finish that sentence yourselves you clever folk out there!!)  If she can muster up the energy we will be glued to the continuing fortunes of Peetah in the clink and Carling blackeyebrows in the Factory.  but really it is no trouble for me to keep an eye on Owner when she is feeling so rough because I love her it is DE RIEN!!! do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it and especially if you are feeling rough.  Big Love Wonka x

Sunday, 26 October 2014

Lost Hour Sundee

Wonka here.  Hallo there everyone!  over here in this tiny miniscule piece of land we are all clinging to called the united kingdom, we do something twice a year and it is  FOOLING AROUND WITH THE TIME. 
All have to remind us weeks in advance it is happening and on the good night as we approach the mucking about with it, it is worse.  This time of year we put the clocks BACK by one hour.  Me?  thanks for asking well I did wonder up why Owner was darting around muttering about the timer (central heating) and the kitchen clock that she has had for over thirty years and no longer has a plastic face to it, it is bare.NO she must not get rid of it, like everything else that is worn out and needs replacing she must cling onto it.   We don't do well with change in this house, not.  Finally when she had carted round all the ticking timing clocks (not watches she forgot that) we turned in for the night.  So really, our Hour (like it) was used up by sorting it out!!!  I love it.

 New and time saving para:  In honour of Halloween approaching we are going to present a well known and well loved author for Owner's and mine (I am joining in with this one as I love him) Bookslot:


It is a collection of the little-known Charles Dickens!  The reason we have picked this out specially for the run up to Halloween is because he always wanted to write a really good ghost story and we think he admired those who did.  You will have heard of his unfinished work (The Mystery of Edwin Drood) but one of the short stories in this collection is called 'The haunted signalman' - according to the forward it is an excerpt, coming from writings in 1866.  We are not ashamed to admit to being fascinated with Mr Dickens who gets a few mentions in the #wonka stories and of course turns up in Owner's story for Halloween (read by me!).  If you get a chance to read this one though, Owner does recommend it!! Mr Dickens died on 9 June 1870.  We love him.

Hours gone by para.  so we passed the night thus:  Ruggles was snugged on the linen basket which usually means a restless night for all.  Up gets Owner at the new time of 4 30am which the night before would have been 5 30 am which doesn't improve things really.  IT IS FAR TOO EARLY to be up.  The feeding frenzy normally set for around 6 - 9 am depending began an hour and a half early!!!!  Finally we all went back to bed and didn't get up til 9 am (or 10 am in another time or land or country).  This has put us all out but somehow Owner crushed 4 hours work into 3.  I think.  ARE YOU GOING SWIMMING I shouted up above the monster.  it zoomed right up near me and gave me a rare fright!  Despite the volleys of sneezing she flung off out of it and flung back in moaning about the temperature. it was FREEZING she whined.  Do you the wold of good I said from well behind the dining room door where she couldn't hear me above the roar of the wind out back.  I love it.

Final lost an hour para.  last night we got through what seemed like a year long of entertainment stroke reality shows with dancing and singing or something close to it.  I HAVE HAD ENOUGH Wonka she goes towards the end of the Hex Factor.  SYmon or simon ghoul as he is better known in this house (and in honour of Halloween) was saying silly things like I DON'T LIKE THAT SONG when it was an ace song, or saying he would go out to lunch with Stevi thingy who cannot sing or dance really but seems to be a hit.  suffice to say (like it) we were very worn out by whatever time it was it all finished at.   Tonight we must cope with the RESULTS and the BOTTOM two.  there are dance offs and sings offs til we are quite dizzy really.  NO FURTHER NEWS on the newby neighbour who is proving a mystery.  Mr Dickens would like it and maybe write a story.  We think there is time before the new neighbour reveals himself/herself/theirselves.  Rug is ensconced (very proud of this word) in the kitchen which is like a sauna.  WHY? you all gasp up.  Because Owner thought she might like a rice pudding and in it goes but instead of putting the oven on she has put the grill on.  WILL IT BE ALRIGHT you all wonder up?  TIME good folks will tell us.  Now the new week is upon us with plenty of hours to sort us all out in SO do go steady out there in the Wold wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x

Saturday, 25 October 2014

Neighbourly Satdee

Wonka here.  Now I didn't want to say last night as it could have brought on a prolonged worriment a la Owner, but as she struggled up the street stroke motorway with our supplies (could not park near the house had to nip into nearest space, miles from our good home) - as she fought against the wind oh no it wasn't windy, alright then but that concrete aka cat litter can weigh a ton, she noticed........(sound of klaxon going off, roll of the drums building to a crescendo!!!!) - there are net curtains and boxes in the empty house next door!!!!  I do hope, I said when she fell in the front door, that no one could read your lips Owner.  I DON'T CARE IF THEY DID, she moaned up, and set about the ensuing (like it) feeding frenzy.  and this dear folks, stopped her from dwelling on the newby neighbour.

More on it para.  As yet we have not seen who he/she/they are.  BUT, owner reports a blue tea shirt on the line.  Meaning? I prompted up in that new and annoying way... They could be working and have to wear a tea shirt in that ghastly shade of blue, Owner goes back to me.  Personally I don't have a problem with work wear or uniforms and it would save Owner a lot of time in the morning if she had one.  Obviously I didn't say this at the time as it was tea time and I was starving up.  I love it.

Good neighbours are like gold para. 
There we are!!  there is our good home with me spying out the side window in the bay, but still DE RIEN to report as yet.  In the middle window of our home is Maximillian snow leopard.  and I do watch out all three windows, yes.  Owner has helpfully (for a change. I can say that as she cannot see this and I have had my tea) shown Ruggles and Tinkers lurking at the side passageway.  To the left of our good home is the vacant and now taken house with someone in it who we don't yet know.  We would like them to be (list) 1.  very very very nice,  2.  quiet as we are 3. helpful without being unwelcome 4.  a car mechanic stroke handyman stroke plumber and certified electrician. 5.  a good sense of humour 6. with a car that never takes away from Owner's space 7. friendly and fun 8 although now I think about it this should be 1.  AN ANIMAL LOVER.  I love it.
We love good neighbours final para.  We will keep you posted good folks out there on the edge of your seats and all enjoying nice neighbours.  Now today has passed by with Owner on a sneezing jive.  Is this the same cold as last weekend I ventured up, as I thought in a friendly way. ATCHOOOO she goes back.  I don't recall quite that much sneezing up so maybe it is different.  Last night we clung on to Corrie X 2 where Kylie continues to hurtle down the wrong pathway and David is too forgiving for his suspicious nature, Steve has lost his cuddling up factor and the new community centre opened up.  The mother of Fizz and thingy is called Cilla (sorry if it isn't) and she has osteo something but no one must know.  Yes.  Tonight we will be loving our strictly and all.  Jake will be swinging his hips and we hope Simon will learn from Judee and anton and get some giggles.  SMILE!  We love him.  Then we must keep our strength up for the hex factor and our loving panel of judges.  Will Cheryl wear another Kermit outfit??  only she knows what to do.  Ruggles is now overdue for some teatime but did appear for his breakfast so there is no alert out as yet.  Tinkers has flitted into the shed for a snack and is still on the fat side.  jury still out on that unlike poor Peetah in Corrie who has got LIFE for not murdering Teenah.  now do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  big Love Wonka x

Friday, 24 October 2014

Bizniz like Fridee

Wonka here.  UP AT 6AM!!! and Owner still left the house late! What was she doing you all gasp up in amazement.  after all, with 2 hours to play with.........  I dare say the feeding frenzy takes a bit of the time, followed by the washing round frenzy, followed by the shed frenzy and then Owner can have a small window (Owner says this is a daft expression but I like it. I like windows.) in which to do things for herself in.  Like breakfast TICK.  This should be a hearty meal fit for a King goes Owner.  I hardly think yoghurt with honey in it, a dash of fruit cocktail and uno Weetabix meets that criteria Owner I challenged but she was busy changing outfits by then and didn't hear me.  I love it.

Full of bizniz para.  Today has been all about getting on with it and if Lord Sugah our fave entrepreneur could see Owner doing this doing that and bringing in lots of supplies (thank you employment god) he would say to Owner YOU'RE HIRED!!! and we have a small cartoon all about that dear show, le Apprentice!!
Here we are!!  there is Lord Sugah flanked by his front are all the hopeful people scrambling to get top banana prize of being a partner in the bizniz.  Like I say, if Owner was there she would soon knock them into shape and rise to the TOP.  she is my top banana and I love her.
More to the bizniz para.  Today went by in a very organised fashion says Owner, who fell back in having bought more food for us lot TICK more litter for the luxury tray (Bertie bubb) TICK and a little bit of food for herself. TICK.  although to continue her saying which is to eat lunch like a Lord or something very like it and supper like a mouse.  i am sure I says to Owner you are misquoting but I love it.  AND, big TICK because I could not for the life of me spy any non essentials....!!  Owner reports a good and positive day and she enjoyed it.  STEADY I goes, you might end up liking this giant complex stroke school.  ~At the minute she is upbeat and looking forward to half term like the rest of the nation.  SIGH.  she is now shopping at a different supermarket and getting her petrol there too,.  This is because (List) she has gone off the others, 2.  She wants one sided petrol receipts (expenses.  don't ask) 3.  she can be anonymous.  I love it.
Final bizniz like para.  As it is fridee night we are slightly giddy folks.  Giddy with the knowledge we need not rise up at 6 am in the dark.  No it is not cold thanks to Owner's heating system.  We are watching IT TAKES TWO and our beloved simon has been on and is tres serious, and there is Anton and Judee who have the giggles.  In a minute there will be the panel of celebs who come on and say what they think.  Yes.  and Marian Keyes is one of them in a pink sparkly dress.  later on we will be glued to Corrie x 2 before Owner falls off the side of it and wants to call it a night.  good Ruggles has been in and out and in and out and may come in again.  Tinkers has taken up residency in the luxory shed and may never leave us.  IT IS BUT A SHORT STEP I droned to owner but she wasn't listening.  Where are those listening skills???  Put to bed for now je pense and as I like to say, it is de rien!!!  Now do go steady out there in the Wold good folks as we approach le weekend!!  Big Love Wonka x

Thursday, 23 October 2014

Dramatic Thursdee

Wonka here.  Shakespeare knew all about it says Owner and if only he could be here in the classrooms today he would be spoilt for storylines plot lines, characters sets props you name it.  The learning environment (quoting here good folks) reports Owner needs a good shake up.  Did she have a better day you all gasp up in worriment?  all went to plan including getting up in the dark and sticking to her first outfit.  IT SEEMS TO LOOK ALRIGHT she muttered and who am I good folks out there to contradict an Owner in full flight of leaving the homestead to earn some £s to save us from starvedom?  Personally I wouldn't have worn those boots with that skirt but Owner was out the door before I could say.  I love it.

Drama ridden para.  of course when the drama has all finished and done for with the last buzzer in the massive giant complex stroke school, it simply begins all over again here.  Take Ruggles.  Now unlike tinkers who is being very purry and furry and winding round Owner's legs the second she trip traps out to the luxury shed, Ruggles does not want to live with us.  despite this, Owner insists on settling him down for the night on the linen basket.  This means endless preparations going on in the kitchen whilst me (oh alright and Bertie bubb) are cloistered in the dining room.  Shut out I mean to say.  When she had finally got him nestled on a comfy old pillow and a comfy old pilly case she can relax.   Relax until the small hours when she gets up and stumbles down into the kitchen where he is battling with the back door as if he has been a prisoner for days on end and must see daylight.  THE TROUBLE IS Wonka she drones on to me in the morning, HE JUST SITS AT THE DOOR LOOKING OUT.  Anyone else Owner I ventured would have lost patience and only you would stand around in a freezing draft waiting for a cat that doesn't live here, to go out.  I admit I said the last bit after I had my breakfast.  I love it.

Final dramatic cartoons and stuff para:  here is our cartoon offering which depicts the BRRRRng of the phone in the morning which is startling and frightening enough for us.

There we are!  all unnerved by the phone ringing and then Owner turning into a superwoman whirling around the house.  This is why good folks out there all in nice steady as you like jobs, Owner goes a bit jumpy of a morn.  BUT as I like to say, it's really de rien.  Je t'adore.
Real final and dramatic para.  Owner hurtled back in with supplies, a bag of concrete aka the cat litter, and had remembered to collect her other boots (the more suitable ones) from the nice cobbler man.  The house was ultra warm and Owner sped round shutting down the central heating and flinging open windows.  This was prior to our beloved and new roving hairdresser coming to transform Owner back to the beauty blonde we know and love.  Seconds later there he was with the whole kit and caboodle.  and the result?  IT IS VERY MOI she says and I have to concur (new word like it), it is indeed FAB.  Last night we cuddled up to Corrie x 1 and there is a returned Character in it!!  It is Chesney's and Fizz'z mum who neither of them like.  Roy is still on the edge and Kylie chucking down the tabs.  Liz in the Rovers is back with thingy, and Steve her good and newly depressed son shouted at Jim, his Da, in the nick.  HE NEEDS TO express HIS PENT UP FEELINGS explained Owner.  OH I says back.  After that we had a good dose of the Apprentice and our fave is Steve.  he is full of himself in a funny rather than annoying way and could hang on for a few weeks.  James nearly talked himself out of the show and is dangling by a new episode.  We love it.  Tonight wouldn't you know it there is RIEN to watch.  an early night beckons, if Owner can tear herself away from the shed and the kitchen.  Now do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x

Wednesday, 22 October 2014

Watershed Wednesdee

Wonka here.  Hey up folks, howdy do, docvedanya (sorry Russia) and bon nuit (je pense, je t'dore etc).  Well what a day Owner has had.  did it start alright you all wonder up?  YES.  We got up at the allotted time and despite three or four costume changes (ready for the drama I mean school day) Owner sped off out of it.  Lunch box in the shape of a black and white football? TICK zip up bright cerise jacket in case got cold? TICK sketch pad for those spare moments? TICK.  bye Owner I called after her, and I did question whether we needed the heating on constant specially after my money saving tips of yesterdee.  TOO LATE she was gone and I had to spend all day nestled up to a searing hot radiator.  I love it.

 Watershed para ahoy.  by the by (that is a silly phrase says Owner but I like it) Owner reports once going out with a bloke called Robert who had a bruvver who was in the heating business and he called radiators RADS.  Yes he was from Essex and yes we love it.   Now onto the watershed news of the day.  What happened?  the young man who Owner is supporting happened that is what, and there was a small clash of personalities.  We all know how Owner cannot abide rudeness (except when she is being it!!  it is alright owner did not see or hear that) and will take anyone to task for it.  IS THE LAD STILL ALIVE OWNER I questioned up when she said.  DON'T BE SILLY WONKA she says back, it will be fine in the morning, we have talked it all through.  Blimey, if only I had been there to witness this moment.  In Owner's version all is well and watersheds are necessary.  In my mind I had a good picture of the luxury shed with a gentle water fall over it but Owner says it isn't like that.  I love it.

Many a watershed has to fall para.  I promised you a lovely photoshoot of me and here it is good folks out there all waiting up:
Here I am!! just having a snoozle in a patch of sunnyshine.  That ball thing is a stringy ball which rattles.  Sometimes Owner flings it down the hallway and I rush after it like a small dog.  That carrier is full of more toys all for me and I love them.
Final watershed moment of the day para.  I did get a bit upset reports Owner but (and I quote) I GOT OVER IT. The kitkat, baby choc fingers and choc limes all helped.  Now just to round off this emotional day did Owner have to fit in a double whammy visit.  To aged sibling, who is fine. TICK, and onto aged parent.  Owner says there was singing as she walked in, and it was a duo called THE MIDAS TOUCH.  I loved it goes Owner, and cried through all of the songs especially Nat King Cole (when I fall in love).  Aged parent was singing along and looked the happiest owner has ever seen her.  More tears.  so when she stumbles back in finally with carriers of supplies and a teddy sticking out of her pocket I had to ask, WHERE IS TEDDY from??  he is from aged parent's home and one of the residents knitted him up.  he fits in Owner's coat pocket.  More crying.  she cannot cope with lovely things happening good folks out there all enjoying lovely things (we hope).  Last night we had a bit of a time of it when Owner insisted on looking at an email sent at 10pm.  NO GOOD I murmured up can come of looking at it now Owner, but too late she opened it.  it was all about the expense claim being rejected!  needless to say there followed emails back and phone calls today.  YES it is alrght now, and we can calmly get on with an evenings entertainment thanks to Corrie X 1 and the demise of Peetah and then the Apprentice, with You're Fired Lord Sugah..... now do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x

Tuesday, 21 October 2014

What Ho Tuesdee

Wonka here.  The wind as promised has got up.  that combined with a spot of rain does not entice us (love that word entice) to get up in the morn.  Oh and the dark.  As it was Owner slumbered on through many a snooze on the alarm UNTIL..... I spose I'd better make a move she mumbles.  Me? downstairs in position.  Bertie?  he stumbled upstairs last night and had a small coughin fit before settling.  Owner trundles down and then the feeding frenzy commences.  GOODNESS she goes on her way into the pocket hanky kitchen and peeking out the back door window.  THERE IS RUG....And Tinkers!!!!  So it was a full on breakfast,  We love it.

Fresh what ho para.  What is all this What ho business you all shriek up so we can hear you above that wind???  It serves Owner right that when she sleeps in and takes her time does the good phone BRRNG BRING BBBRRRRRing (eventually on the mobile to get her attention) and it is a shout to go to the giant huge massive high school again.  YES I WILL she goes down the phone.  she had only promised to get there for 9am!!  and guess what?  NO that is not it, she would have made it for 9am if she hadn't dillied and dallied with what to put on.  As per, she goes off out in the very outfit I would have said HMMM about if I was asked.  Was I asked?? Not a bit of it.  CHERIO Wonka she calls slamming the good front door.  I love it.

What Ho para and cartoon for you all to look at.  What you all wonder up are we to look at today??  I had a number of ideas for this and here is my choice (Owner said I could choose) just a reminder to all you folks out there what we all look like and such.
There we are!!  and tomorrow if we can manage it I have asked Owner for a nice one of me....there are lots naturellement as I like to say and Sorry France if I have made a spelling mistake.  Though I am sure you would all say De Rien!!!  so on the inside are me and Bertie and we don't go out, NO.  On the outside wanting to come in and stay in are Ruggles and Tinkerbelle.  She is still very fat and Owner is a mite worried.  Don't say I didn't warn you I said from that dark and far away corner in the living room.  I love it.

Final what ho para.  Now here is the good news folks is that for some reason (or the wishing well, or the Universe of Zoltar - one of them) this giant school that is miles away from where we are, want Owner back for the rest of the week and then after half term.  The good side to this is that Owner will save money by (list) 1,  not having time to shop 2.  Being too tired to shop 3. the heating will be on timer and not constant 4.  less swilling back tea and coffee  there may be a 5.  but it escapes me for now.  At the minute Owner is upbeat about this turnaround in her fortunes and I am saying de rien!!!  At the end of the 4 weeks or whatever the sentence I mean contract is for, then is the time to take stock.  Until then I must cheer Owner on.  Even when she falls back through the door and we are all close to starving.  IT IS GROUNDHOG day she moans up when she comes back to the same scenario (like it) as this morn.  Once more Rugglesis is on the doorstep and tinkers on the steps.  yes we love it.

Real final what the ho para. last night as predicted did good and innocent Peetah get found GUILTY rather to quickly for our liking by that jury and Carling black eyebrows has vowed to look into it much to bruverly bruv Rob's dismay.  Well after all good folks he is the Guilty one!!  Roy is still hiding his nerves after the burglary of Roy's Rolls caff and Kylie is still on the tablets.  We watched Enders without taking any of it in apart from noting two new people in it.  One of them is added to the massive family at the Queen Vic as it wasn't big enough and the other is a stall holder.  Tonight if we can cope and not busy ourselves with tomorrow (schools and haircuts) we will be glued to Holbee as we have not seen it for a while and miss the messed up crazed Doctors and nurseys.  Now your lives may be plain sailing out there and all I can say is spare a thought for ours!!  Do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  big Love Wonka x

Monday, 20 October 2014

Ginger up Mundee

Wonka here.  Owner reports feeling MORE THE TICKET Wonka and puts this swift recovery from the brink of moaning and groaning to Ginger.  Yes.  and not just any old ginger but a huge slice of ginger cake made by that well known baker.  NO not that one.  The other one that begins with a Mc.  My great aunt Maud, she starts up telling me, used to make slabs of black ginger cake and me and my brother used to gobble this up washed down with ginger beer.  You can imagine dear folks out there listening to this what my reaction is?  you know how health ridden I am apart from those beloved dreamies oh alright and I am partial to fish with that nice batter on, OH if I am to be honest I have been caught a couple of times sipping milk from the jug BUT all that to one side (Owner's fave expression) I would not recommend ginger cake home baked plus gassy old ginger beer.  ALL YOUR TEETH will drop out!!  sorry Owner I mentioned teeth and that is taboo in this house.  I love it.

Ginger Rogers para.  Now you will admire me for saying that as straight off I am showing you Owner's good cartoon from the nice dancing show we watch every satdee and sundee to brighten our little lives up:
There they are!!!  That is Pasha and Caroline spinning round to a quick step and behind them the good judges with Craigy darling on the left and then Darcy and then Len and ends up with Bruno who Owner said was a bit manic this week.  I said you should know Owner, from well behind the dining room door!!  Our faves were kept in, that is good Simon who has discovered his happy side, Jake who is like a whirling Elvis, Alison who is happy all the time and we think that is down to her partner Aljaz.  I WOULD BE HAPPY, says Owner, if I was partnered up with him.  we love it.
More of that ginger para.  despite feeling alright physically I cannot say too much about Owner's mood setting which is in danger of dropping down.  I have urged her to go out now it has stopped raining ( I am not going out if it is raining I heard her say earlier.  not having any money is not as yet a barrier).  While we are not on the subject of Tinkers, we have this to relate:  IS SHE FATTER OR HAVING KITTENS?? Owner remarked when she fed this mewling, collared up Tinkers this morn.  One thing we can be certain of though, it is not down to Ruggles.  it would be a toss up between ginner tom and blackster.  TIME WILL TELL goes Owner.  That's all we need folks.  I mean Bertie is still coming to terms with me never mind kitwits.  No, I don't love it.  Not as yet.
Final ginger as you like para.  Yes Owner tottered off out and reports no rain but wind getting up when she bounced back in later on.  Bounced?  you all gasp up in wonderment!!  Sometimes good folk out there all enjoying steady as you like lives with no lurches or mood swings, Owner goes off in one mood and comes back in with another.  Is it love?  you all shout up.  if it is, it is a big secret to me and probably whoever Owner is in love with (the way she likes it.  unrequited, unobtainable, never going to happen, these are all up Owner's street) no I rather think it is the phone call from the good agency going on about a possible job.  Drawback I ventured, once I had been fed?  it is miles away, she says back, and it is admin.  YOU HATE ADMIN I goes to her but she said that silly old phrase that drives me mad NEEDS MUST WHEN THE DEVIL DRIVES.  Now tonight we are clinging onto good Corrie X 2 and no results in sight oh hang on!!  ~The verdict is in sight for innocent as the day is long Peetah.  This can only mean a Guilty verdict.  Life seems to run along similar lines says Owner.  To fend off a long moaning fest from her I said I was starving, Bertie was too (although this is ongoing and is 24 stroke 7) and then there was Rug and Tinkers to think over.  I AM ON IT she goes.  There was mention earlier of running the monster round but why use that when a little brush and pan will do the trick?  I have been nicely settled in my amazon box thank you very much and can do without it.  So Mundee has been gingered up, Owner did not spend overmuch whilst out because I checked, and we are all in one piece.  I do hope you are all the same.  Now do go steady out there in the Wold folks wherever you are in it.  Big love Wonka x

Sunday, 19 October 2014

Blustery Sundee

Wonka here.  How is Owner you all immediately want to know and I'll tell you.  It said it felt VERY HOT when it got up just before 6 and went back to bed.  Me?  starving for my breakfast and ready to do the dab at Owner's mouth with a claw.  Luckily she made a giant effort and roused herself saying things like I FEEL AWFUL and OH'd think she's been struck down by that new and strange epidemic thingy that all are concerned about BUT NO it is just a common every day cold germ.  And of course I said to GET A GRIP the second after I had received my breakfast and she couldn't hear me through the closed dining room door.  I ask you,.  but I love it.

Blustery and blowy para.  so the day has trickled by with interruptions so Owner can take tablets and drink more tea.  and eat more.  and take more vit C.  and if I hear that saying one more time I shall get in the Narnia cupboard with Bertie (feed a cold starve a fever).  it is even now whirling round my brain like a little dervish.  She did say we are going to have a nice relaxing day Wonka but I haven't noticed us having one yet.  My only respite has been when she made an extreme effort and wandered off to the shop for a few supplies.  And a sundee paper.  That is so we can learn all the bad and horrid news of the past week as if we haven't heard and seen enough about it already.  I mean Bertie is in a state of oblivion, sleeping through all this epidemic this and war that not to mention the other, and Ruggles he keeps up a brave front but me?  I have to bolster Owner's flagging spirits but who I said who is bolstering mine??  And yes I will have another dreamy biscuit they're my fave.  I love them.

BLOW ME DOWN BOOKSLOT OF THE WEEK:  here it is folks!!  Owner has suddenly remembered this wonderful tale................

Here it is!!!  The hundred and one Dalmations!! and in the photo at the back there is Owner's Dad with her daughter.  Just in front of that is an old marble ashtray with three hounds and a little crystal ball perches in the scooped out bit and then to the right is a frog poking out!  that is one of daughter's best ceramics.  All covered over by the lemon geranium.  Now the story you have probably all heard of and seen all the films but the Dodie Smith is a classic.  It all begins with Mr and Missis Pongo the Dalmations, who owned a young married couple The Dearlys - there is Nanny Butler and a Nanny Cook and of course the villainess Cruella de Vil!! Oh and all those puppies.  Owner's favourite was ...oh all of them, but there is a cadpig and a Lucky.  Oh and I do believe there is a cat.  So this is Owner's choice for today's bookslot - it's a story, as it says in the forward of this edition, 'for all ages'.  We love it.

Fresh and blowy para.  They do say this breezy weather is coming to us from a hurricane in Bermuda.  Just saying. (Owner says not to use that expression so I said why not but she didn't hear me above chucking back some more tablets).  Why I said to her a bit later on are we watching an old black and white film called Wagon Master?  It was on good bbc 2 when our best sundee paper said a film called 7 years in Tibet or something very like that was on.  But it wasn't. IT'S ALRIGHT I'VE TURNED OVER she goes.  That is so we can watch the hex factor all over again. We love it.
Final blustery windy para.  We are close to actual relaxing. Today good folks out there all laying around with your feet up maybe reading a paper, a book or with a glazed expression watching some old tripe I mean a good programme on the telly, today I watched Owner attempt at least four jobs at the same time (List) 1.  making toast 2.  hanging the washing out 3.  washing up 4.  giving me and Bertie a snack.  That should have been 1.  So at last we can stand down and settle for tonight's relentless RESULTS.  there will results of the strictly, results of the Hex Factor and if we can bear it ding a ling abbey.  Who will be voted off we cannot say oh yes we can!  We think the Lobster man aka Scott from Strictly and one of Louis's groups.  yes we predicted it here first.  or ICI as I like to say.  There is no limit to my one word French.  We all know I am a chat, and Owner is a Dames.  Je pense. Are you all ready for the week ahead because Owner isn't.  She has gone so far as to select two possible outfits.  Therein lies the story to her success....time I checked out back for Ruggles.  he is getting a bit choosy and I should know all about that. Bertie eats anything so why does Owner spend £s that we haven't got on bestest Sheba?  I am throwing this question up to the Universe.  Thank you universe.  Whatever the week throws back at us do go steady out there in the Wold folks wherever you are in it.  big Love Wonka x

Saturday, 18 October 2014

Scented Satdee

Wonka here.  I FEEL ILL said Owner last night going on about a sore throat and feeling funny.  I offered up some sound advice as per.  (list) 1.  you are tired therefore you feel ill 2.  that will explain why you keep saying you are fat old ugly and dull. 3. you look the same to me (meaning that in a nice way but Owner didn't notice my slip) 4.  shove down a couple of tablets, vit C eat loads of protein and early night.  DID SHE LISTEN UP?  Yes siree, for once my advice was taken PLUS I got an extra helping of dreamies biscuits when Owner didn't notice and kept shaking out the packet into my dish.  Bertie will eat anything and wouldn't know a dreamie from a chunk of basics here to help cat food stroke biscuit treats.  We love them!

Freshly scented para.  before you all shout up going on about your colds and fevers and how can you shift them here is one of the nicest photoshoots Owner has ever produced.  In my humble opinion:

There it is!!  Our little old rose bush has produced an exceptional bloom for us!  and the scent is divine says Owner who has sniffed it each time she treks out to the luxury shed.  A ROSE FOR MY ROSE she keeps singing now.  We wish you could smell it too but if you imagine leaning down and drawing in the smell of all the loveliest roses you have walked near to and imagine the scent just drifting over..... We love it.
Fresh and rosey para:  today is shopping and visiting day and several times I have had to say to Owner to GET A MOVE ON.  she is in danger of slipping into dreamy and relaxed setting when there is still work to be done.  Like, I need more of those dreamies and pouches and Ruggles's food is low.  Bertie will eat anything so why owner insists on special sheba terrine I cannot say.  jealous?  me?  not a jealous bone in my little furry body. ALRIGHT I AM MAKING A MOVE she goes.  At last I whispered up from the window sill where I am quite rightly having to keep my eye on a leaf blowing round the street aka motorway.  it could turn into a bird any moment and I love it.
Still full of scent final para:  back she comes laden with more supplies and not one NOT ONE non essential item in sight. This is firm evidence that she is a tad unwell good folks out there all rushing abut full of energy and shopping til you drop.  Did aged parent like her new clothes I chirped up and said straight off?  SOME OF THEM owner reports met with aged parent's approval whilst others were given the death stare.  Are those in that bag you have brought back with you I ventured up?  YES, she goes, to return to the shop.  According to Owner, aged parent kept saying things like 'that's cheap' and 'oh pockets - not that I have anything to put in them!'.  This sent them both a bit hysterical (laughing) and I'm only glad I wasn't there.  It's the highly strung factor you know and talking of which we will be glued as always to this good show later on - oh alright the Hex Factor then!!  We are still rooting for Andrea as he can sing his heart out for us and luckily those annoying girls have gone.  There will be others to take their place we reckon.  yes and then before that is the Strictly Dancing!  ~We are now loving that big hearted woman Alison who is dancing with our fave proper dancer Aljaz or something very like that (Sorry Aliash! which is what it sounds like).  Owner says she feels a bit better and that aged sibling also reported a sore throat.  Keep taking the tablets I shouted whilst Owner put the kettle on and couldn't hear me above the roar of it.  Now Ruggles is due and I need to check on the back yard plus possibly put my head round the door to the Narnia cupboard.  Strangely, Bertie doesn't like this.  As I have said to Owner (in my defence) this is just my way of saying HALLO!!  NONSENSE Wonka, she goes to me, it is scary, your big fat face coming round the door.  Well I love it.  now do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  big Love Wonka x

Friday, 17 October 2014

Full pelt Fridee

Wonka here.  Up we got in the dark and on the second snoozle.  there were dreams a plenty and once more they rushed away as soon as Owner thought what did I dream just then?  What wasn't a dream was Bertie growling in advance and believe me (it is true it wasn't me) at big fat nothing all through the night.  What me and Owner do recall is her going SSSHHHH Bertie.  And then SHUT UP BERTIE!!  apart form that, a peaceful night had by all even though Owner hit the sack too late and then insisted on reading (the Goldfinch,  nearly at the end).  We love it.

Fresh and full pelt para.  Then, just as Owner had 'got round' as she puts it and popped a good washing on, refreshed (like it) my tray alright Bertie's too, and she had decided she could have a lazy day it happened.   She never got a day's work you all gasp up!!!  YES!  The hand of that God reached down once more and saved us from the credit card and starvedom.  YES I AM AVAILABLE goes Owner on the phone scribbling down a postcode.  NO I DON'T HAVE A SATNAV she mumbles I will JUST find it.  Now I have to share with you Owner's extreme luck when it comes to (list) 1.  Parking up.  generally MOO (a god) the Wishing Well, the Universe come to her aid and make a spce big enough for her to reverse park into. 2.  directions - it matters not that they are just a few scribbled bits of information on a post it note you couldn't see without a magnifying glass - she always finds it.  I put this down to her nervous system going into fifth gear.  Either that or those gods again.  I FOUND THE SCHOOL by accident she told me when she fell back in later on. Was it alright I goes, anxious for some teatime never mind Bertie and Tinkers who is lurking in the luxury shed.  IT IS A MASSIVE school she whined up, and said she had to walk miles to get to each classroom.  She loves it.

Fresh and fullish peltingish para.  As promised you must see the newby baby pink bag.  There is another bag in use and it is the School bag.  Yes. If you are good and more to the point if I remember with my busy schedule and all, I will beg Owner to pop a cartoon of that one on for you.
There is small bag dilemma going on about which bag to use for what.   In the meantime....ROLL OF THE DRUMS the beauty red velvet curtains swish back to reveal....
There he is!!  it is a he as Owner has called it a 'him' since she purchased and I must say now I look at him square on, does it look like an animal too!!  bit of a lion bag if you ask me...or just a big cat?? I am giving my seal of approval from the right hand side and there is the lemon geranium and a photo to the left.  Knottted to the side of our lion bag is one of Owner's many scarves.  At last it has a rightful home on the newby baby pink lion bag.  We love him.
Final pelting para.  so in sum folks, a very busy week here in between visitings and workings and shoppings OH and publishing our new story!!! if you haven't seen it yet do give it a chance on and it is Wonka's Halloween Story!!!  Now last night we managed to watch one of the Apprentice shows, the first one, and we lapped it up.  the one with the sullen unsmiling face is FIRED and the one from Columbia or Rome or somewhere was saved.  So was the arty farty one as LORD Sugah called him.  The ladies are all blonde or brunette and talk a lot.  nothing changes there says Owner.  OH I goes back.  and tonight we have beloved Corrie X 2 and more of the courtroom drama.  Will Peetah be saved from the jaws of the clink??  Will Kylie stop with the tablets??  Now Owner is already talking about an early night but this means zilch folks, OR as I like to say, de rien.  I bet any money (now we have some) that we tramp upstairs late on.  Ruggles was a fiddle faddle last night and would not make his mind up whether to stay in or go out.  anyone else I said, would have popped him outside.  I AM NOT ANYONE ELSE she says to me, and I love it because she is not, she is my bestest hard at work Owner.  And I'm not just saying that because I haven't had my supper yet!  Now the weekend is upon us SO do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x


Thursday, 16 October 2014

Catching up Thursdee

Wonka here.  YES we have caught up on sleeping, eating (OH NO)shopping, sketching, painting and somehow Owner staved off a nap.  It would not have been a nap Wonka she mumbled to me, it would have been another SLEEP.  Owner reports her 'sleepy' time is between around 1 30 to 4 pm.  That, I ventured (like it) is most of the afternoon.  I KNOW, she yawned back at me.  Me?  thanks for asking, I have managed a few naps and snoozes but unlike Owner, this can come over me at any time of day or night.  zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz  I love it.

Catching up para: time for you to nearly glimpse that new baby pink bag.  BUT sound of klaxon going off, before that you must glimpse the old pink bag.  If it is pink, Owner will at the least consider it, at the most purchase it.   There is an addition to her wardrobe today when really she went off on a mission to buy things for aged parent.  To make matters worse, it is a baby pink jumper that is definitely a non essential item (for maybe the next ten to fifteen years) with a highland terrier on the front.  with a pink bow.  Of course I mustn't be offended or say things like WASN'T THERE A CAT??? as I haven't had my tea and I am starving.  here follows a cartoon of said bag:
Here it is!!  It looks like a pink sack you all shout up.  it is that sort of a bag that when you put him down he crumples up.  It has two pink straps to it and if you wanted to you could clip on this pink shoulder strap.  to round him off inside is that silky lime green lining.  OH and it weighs a ton.  The dangly at the right hand side is a keyring of wonkaandmousey that no one took the slightest interest in except us.  We love it and we love it lots.  At the top on the sideboard is an engaging painting of me, then Tinkerbelle who is the little wooden cat carved lovingly by Owner's Dad (in wood carving heaven) and that funny scribbly thing down the side that is pine cone.  yes. As Owner is still dithering about 'swapping' bags, we are showing off the newby baby pink bag tomorrow.  More and more, she is coming round to the fact that her new bag is the one to take out and the old bag,  must join the bag collection.  We love it.
Catching up some more and finally para.  weatherwise that is catching up to, moving from grey grim drizzly murky and cold to some sunny shine!!  This is motivating and may even wake Owner up.  She has gone into a dreamy state and we still haven't had our tea.  Tinkers who was cuddling down in the luxury shed igloo, is sporting a new orange collar.  Ruggles, is yet to pop round and Bertie Bub has wandered out a couple of times to my knowledge.  Last night we watched Corrie X 1 which was full of courtroom drama and Peetah thinks he is saved.  And saved by Carling black eyebrows who has fallen out with bruv and murderer Rob and linked back in to her more usual confrontational, tell the truth and be smart about it, self.  Roy on the other hand is being confrontational when he should get back into his caff.  The four yobbish chaps making fun of him and kicking footballs were no match for thingy (where is our memory today?  she was partnered up with born again thingy the builder who has gone off somewhere - oh and ginger top Gary is her son.)  anyhow, she stood up to them all nicely.  Tonight there is nothing on except Enders but Owner has a plan.  WE WILL CATCH UP she droned, WITH THE APPRENTICE.  Oh right I says back.  We usually follow this and have our faves. Tomorrow is Fridee and Owner finally reports she has put in a request to that good early morning show run by Chris Evans. WHAT I ventured up, have you requested?  I asked for a song from the musical Carousel as I love it. If he plays it, it is called IF I LOVED YOU, sung by Shirley Jones and Gordon MacRae.  Why she has asked for this when she cried all the way through it is beyond me but again, I cannot moan up as I desperately need my tea time.  Now do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x

Wednesday, 15 October 2014

Wonka's Wednesdee

Wonka here.  this dear folks is our new story!!  Here is a little old look at the Halloween story......
There it is!!  the next #wonka story, published today!! I allowed Owner to put some of her illustrations in it too!  It is called 'A Tall Story' and once more I am reading it.  No it is not a story you have ever heard before, it is original and dare I say it without Owner hearing me, but I am giving it a good review!  Lordy.  and yes, I do love it.
Fresh full of Wonka's Halloween story para:  you will of course dear folks want to read this fresh off the blinking press story....
This dear folks is a free story like all in The Wonka series of stories - and this is numero 11. You can click onto 'The Wonka Stories' and link in to all the others!!!  Of course we are very excited and WE LOVE IT.
What else Wonka para.  What a fabulous visit we had with Owner's pals from Cornwall and did they enjoy it in #florios??  Owner reports thus:  I had Risotto al funghi which is mushrooms in cream and it was TO DIE FOR.  Followed by a fruits of the forrest cheesecake thingy wotsit.  There was a very noisy table nearby and we had to listen to all their stories but it did not matter as we were loving the food the service and DID NOT CARE.  Personally I think the bottle of pinot thing white wine helped, oh and the bottle of red when they all fell back home.  ~the pink bag was on display and there will be a photoshoot of this.  THEY WILL ALL WANT ONE moans Owner who likes to be different.  As long as I says we don't reveal the good department store where you tracked it down, captured it and bought it, it will be OK to share it with the Wold.  ALRIGHT she says back.  I love it.
Final Wonka's best wednesdee para.  So the visit was a success, the food was brill, the buying of bags made it even more brill and now Owner is exhausted.  Guess what?  YES for once you are spot on.  did the phone ring early doors with a shout for some work.  naturally this must happen when Owner is feeling tired old and ugly.  And her brain is only functioning on SILLY setting.  This means the most simple task appears unsolvable and only to be cracked by a pure out and out genius.  These genii (plural??  sorry people who know how to spell it) are in short supply in schools we all know that so Owner had to stagger through it by smiling and more smiling.  Did you manage I goes when she crawled back in later.  I LOVE IT THERE she reports.  The friends have now flung off to Hull and will visit Hull Fair soon, and Owner is coming back to earth and all is peaceful in this house.  Rug has been and knows they have gone.  For all he knew they were Vikings settling into the house as invited in by Owner who as usual had ignored my misgivings.  Tinkers is still darting around and snugging in the igloo and Bertie did us proud a couple of times by his visits to the tray.  GOODNESS went Owner rushing for the odour neutralising spray which I can tell you all now does not go near Bertie's offerings.  Tonight if Owner can stay awake with all the excitement of publishing our Halloween Story we will be glued to Corrie and the continuing saga of WHO DUNNIT.  Will ken put two and two together?  Will Tracee still marry her murdering Rob and as for Carling black eyebrows, she is in a new flat for all her troubles.    Do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x

Tuesday, 14 October 2014

New Bags Tuesdee

Wonka here.  Well a late night was had all golly gosh, with Owner and friends all partaking of the vino and fish and chips.  According to Owner it all does go together.  yes.  Me? thanks for asking, well I kept a good look out for them on our busy street stroke motorway checking all the time for parking spaces.  As you all know dear folk out there parking up with plenty of time to spare and possibly in your own good garages, well on this street you need all your wits for a pacy park.  and it all came to pass!!  I love it.

New bags ahoy para:  here all too soon is our good cartoon for a friendly arrival (yesterdee) and not a new bag in sight. 
There we are!!  I am perched on the trunk perusing (like it) the street for our friends and Owner is still at it with the dustpan and brush.  There are no car parking spaces available at this point.  but owner had put in a request to the universe and god of parking and low and behold did a space open up!!  We love it.
Real new bag para.  Now what you all gasp up, what is this about a new bag??  Owner's friend is to blame, trotting in with a new bag.  It was black, it had two beauty fat handles and three yes three zip compartments.  I LIKE THAT goes Owner straight away.  You can imagine my reaction, but I was too polite in front of my visitors to say, please don't buy another bag as (list) 1.  you have a stack of them in the Narnia cupboard 2.  I like the one you are using and so does everyone else 3. we cannot afford it. end of.  Instead of all that wisdom and good advice what happened next?  Owner goes out today with friends and after trips down to South Bay and North Bay do they end up in a big and well known store gazing at bags.  When she fell back in later smiling and happy if bankrupting us for all time,  I could not spoil her happy new bag mood setting.  Instead I sat nicely on the table while she transferred the millions of things from the old bag, into the new baby pink, with two fat gorgeous handles and just one zipper but a quilted design going on new bag.  IT IS VERY ME she goes to me and her friend sitting with us at the table.  I love it.
New baby pink bag final para.  Tonight they are all to trip trap along to Florios, that nice Italian ristorante!  What you all want to know is she wearing??  This could change dear folks at any minute so is it worth me telling you?  At the minute it is a baby pink top.  Yes she is mad about pink always has been,  Ruggles who is not mad about anything, took umbrage at the visitors and insisted on rushing out to the shed.  Tinkers is cuddling up in the igloo and Bertie is fast over in the Narnia cupboard.  We are all loving our visiting and apart from a pending anxiety attack about no jobs or money we are all fine and dandy.  It is, as I like to say, de rien.  We have caught up nicely with Corrie and dastardly Rob has pulled a blinder by bonding with Simon who is Peetah's best and only son.  He has assured him that Peetah did not murder Teenah.  this is a good twist and we love it.  Could it we all wonder, be the demise of Rob and the releasing of innocent Peetah.  All to play for.  Now do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  big Love Wonka x

Monday, 13 October 2014

Friendly Mundee

Wonka here.  Why I says to Owner are you dusting round that corner where no one sees or goes or does anything in??  IN CASE she says back.  Are we back on to the 'in case' scenario (get me) I says back, and I admit I whispered it from another dark corner that now smells of the lemony horrid anti bacterial anti feline wipe.  I AM PREPARING, she shouts back, FOR MY as far as I know they are not sleeping or eating in a small dark corner, but who am I. yes who am I to gainsay Owner.  I love it.

Friendly are we para.  No there is no work today, but the friends visit may save Owner from sinking fast into gloomygogs setting.  Guess what?  NO that is not it.  Ruggles did one of his sleep overs.  this means that Owner wakes up on the hour every hour wondering if he is like a caged lion attacking the bars and biting them in his urge to escape into the wild.  BUT NO.  when she tripped trapped down below was he sleeping peacefully on the linen box.  The only one who was up and not asleep was you Owner I pointed out once we all really did get up.  And when we did, was Tinkers waiting out in the yard.  We love her.

Friendly cartoons ahoy!   Are they all going out on the razzle you demand to know?  A table is now booked at Owner's fave Italian ristorante!   Good Florios that is, and they will all troop there tomro night.
There it is!!!  Is that Owner's fave waiter in the background you all shout up interested and curious to know?  if it is she is not saying.  I love it.
Friendly and wholesome para.  Before these good friends get here in their own chariot to park up in the busy motorway stroke street, Owner has more to do.  I MUST DO ANOTHER SHOP she announced taking a break from the cleaning and dusting.  Thank the Lord I goes, and even Bertie in his dark Narnia lair must be glad.  He did sit it out yesterdee when Owner got the monster out and nearly took it in the cupboard to meet him, but changed her mind.  Me?  thanks for asking, dashed upstairs to lay on a clean pillycase.  I love it. 
Final friends are us para.  WHAT A HORRID DAY Owner says as she fell back in with (counting) two bags of shopping.  WIND AND TOUCH OF RAIN.  I can't say as I noticed really, not from the depths of my amazon box and Bertie is snug as a bug in the Narnia cupboard and wouldn't know if there was a tycoon out there.  I did say to Owner her hair looked a bit windswept and that was a clue to the windy bit , but she didn't hear me above sorting through all the bags.  it turns out it was like the Russian dolls (sorry Russia) where you take one bag out of a bag to reveal more.  in the end I counted 5 bags.  Owner, I piped up, (like this word) did you really need those two items of clothing?  I don't think she heard me above rushing upstairs to try them on.  I LOVE THIS she shouts down, AND THIS!!  Down she comes to show off and I must say dear folks out there all thinking of the crash of the 80s and that one further back in time where they all went bust on Wall street, well how do you think I feel???  BUT, and this is the saving grace to it all, as keeping pace with Owner's new wardrobe is the vast array of catfood.  There are enough tins for the entire street, pouches to help out the one next to it, and if more stray and starving cats arrive in the back (or in the shed) well we can CATer for them!!  you have to laugh.  I love it.
Real final friendly para.  ARE THEY HERE YET? you all shout up, but no they are still on the A42 or maybe it is the M1 or near to it.  it is now steady rain outside and fairly mouldy in keeping with having a visit.  last night we kept our spirits up with RESULTS.  our fave Simon was in the Dance off with Kristina Rianhof (sorry Kristina we cannot for the life of us get your name right) and looked very black dogish.  He cannot, goes Owner, cope with rejection.  And she should know good folks.  On with the Hex Factor and those irritating blonde sisters went out first followed by a boyband called we forget.  The band with no name has got a name now and we forget that one too.  As Owner was on high anxiety setting we missed ding a ling Downton and may catch up now.   Tonight we hope to see Corrie X 2 as Owner's friend loves it and will Peetah get off or will Carling Black eyebrow's murdering bruv Rob scupper his chances??  Will Jim open another happy hour in the clink?  We hope so!  Now do go steady out there in the Wold wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x

Sunday, 12 October 2014

Oh Sundee

Wonka here.  I am going to get the ball rolling with a story.  OOOHH you all gasp up, woken up from your snoozles by this departure (like it) from the norm.  It is not our story (not yet) it is a story you all know, called Pinocchio.
This is it!! and this book that you all can see, is Owner's book saved from childhood and purchased in a bookshop in Cambridge, called Heffers. To her delight, this bookshop is still there!!  Now Pinoccio is the tale of a puppet who is lovingly crafted by his owner Geppetto and who has many adventures before returning home to become a real boy!!  You will maybe have heard that his nose grew longer if he lied?  Luckily he had a good fairy to keep him in check............. My Owner says she has a story about good and bad fairies and it is about a dog called Diva.  Perhaps, in the new year she might let me read it to you.  In the meantime, there is our Halloween story to look forward to, up next week, and a new story for Christmas too. We love it.
Oh it's a para para.  More on the bookshop called Heffers - Owner reports this was a special outing usually on a Satdee and with her brother in tow.  She recalls the smell of a new book and how exciting it was to buy one with her pocket money.  IT WAS A TREASURE Wonka she tells me with a dreamy old look in her eye.  And they must have been precious because she still has most of them.  her fave book you all wonder up?  Carbonel by Barbara Sleigh was one of them.   Me? thanks for asking, well apart from reading the odd story or two that Owner has knocked out, I don't really bother.  My work is cut out for me keeping Bertie in check, playing with Ruggles under the kitchen door, getting plenty of rest inbetween and the seagull watch.  No I haven't mentioned them lately because all the babies are proper birds now and not tweenies (Owner's silly name for the baby seagulls) anymore.  This means it has gone quiet for now.  I love it.
Final oh Sundee para.  Today has been quite dreamy all round really and this started with a giant lay in.  AT LAST she goes this morning, I am not up at the crack of dawn for nothing.  Do you mean de rien, I said to Owner as you know I like to get a bit of French in if I can.  NON she says back.  Once we all came to and were rounded up for our first feeding frenzy of the day, Owner listened to the news.  I begged her not to as it can only lead to despair.  I  HAVE TO STAY INFORMED she goes back.  As long as those pesky Vikings stay clear that's all I ask but I think we may have a deterrent (get me).  You recall owner insisted on dying a hitherto (love it) friendly and clean white shirt?  She has dyed it and it went the colour of a bright orange Marigold.  IT SAID SUNFLOWER yellow on the packet she moaned up.  Since when, I asked her patiently (still need my tea) do you wear sunflower yellow??  BUT, if Owner pops this shirt on and the Viking do knock on the door and she does answer it, they will most certainly run off.  We love it.  And the shirt is in the charity bag for now.  No I cannot imagine who would buy it.  I doubly love it.
Real final OH Sundee para.  last night Owner only managed a little bit of Strictly and most of the Hex Factor.  Aside from not liking the new presenter Tess Whaley I mean Daly who is not Hostess material (and I quote from owner) and although liking Claudia thingy thinks she is too classy for trailing round celebrities, we did not like Donny Osmond as a guest judge.  He seemed to take it very seriously and dished out a TEN.  We think it will be the last thing he does dish out.  Over on the Hex Factor and the LIVES, all were indeed singing for their lives, and some did it better than others.  We do not like those two blonde girlies and most of the groups.  Our fave is still Andrea from Rome who can sing and should win.  Tonight it is the results shows where thankfully we can vote some of these 5 minute wonders off.  And then it is ding a ling Downton where all are either murdering, sleeping with or serving someone.  We do love it.  Now the good week is upon us and blow me down if Owner isn't having a visit from her pals!!  The house has been cleaned within an inch and I mustn't lose any fur or scratch anyone.  AS IF.  And Bertie has been warned about the other.  Now do look forward to the new week like we are doing.  Go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x

Saturday, 11 October 2014

Whistle stop Satdee

Wonka here.  Owner has been a busy bee all day long.  it is just as well, I pointed out to her, that we all enjoyed a good night's sleep even though we were up early doors.  WHY OH WHY you all wonder up, are you up so early on a Satdee?  Because dear folk out there all liking your lie ins.  That means laying in which means sleeping in, OR not having to get up.  yes because dear folk Owner had promised daughter she would help out with the putting up of her sheds.  MORE SHEDS.  yes.  We love them.

Whistle while you work para.  So from the word GO it was do this do that check the other and then it was CHERIO WONKA and Bertie, BE GOOD!  As if!!!  I mean I have only had one small scrap with bertie all day and hardly worth a mention.  I did shout to drive carefully and be considerate to other drivers but she didn't hear me above closing the front door.  She has been known to do all the things she accuses other drivers of (list)  such as 1.  driving too close to the car in front.  this is usually because she has lost patience or her temper or both 2. being reckless and overtaking when she really really shouldn't.  I put this down to stress and anxiety and so does she.  3.  swearing and making gestures that could be rude.  Just because she is being carried along in a giant suit of armour aka the car with no name does not excuse this kind of behaviour.  Her worst offence today (she reports) was making these kinds of gestures to the car in front waiting to turn right into busy traffic for what seemed an eternity (to Owner).  I WANTED TO TURN LEFT she moaned up to me, and preferably this year! she moaned some more.  I love it.

Today's whistle stop photoshoot.  Owner is insisting on this cartoon she did of a BYE ELECTION.  I said why Owner, do we want that?  She goes because it was in a place I used to live and I'm glad I'm not still there!!  it seems that a few of these so called politicians all representing different viewpoints (we think) stood up in this Clacton on Sea, to be voted in by the discriminating (OOOHH) public.  So instead of being sensible, the public voted in a newby political party.  Who are? I prompted up in that new and annoying way.  THEY HAVE A SILLY NAME said Owner, that sounds like youkip.  In this good country, folks out there, all enjoying good politicians and such, we have several well known parties and youkip is none of these.
There we are!!  There are good families and such all despairing because their vote has gone to nothing or DE RIEN as I like to say.  Perhaps I said to Owner, we should stand up and get people to vote for us?  We could call ourselves the BIG LOVE party.  Don't be so silly Wonka, goes Owner.  I love it.
Whistle down the wind para.  In between keeping an eye on the news and politics Owner supervised the putting up of Daughter's sheds.  She loves them but daughter who is tired when she trudged home from work (sorry had to use a four letter word there) could only see problems, like Owner not securing a padlock to daughter's specifications.  This, said Owner, is what happens when you are tired.  You only see the dust and the imperfections. RIGHT I goes back, ready to agree with the most outlandish thing as I am starving and Bertie who is always peckish said he was starving too.  Tinkers was fed on Owner's whistle stop feeding frenzy when she returned and Rug is yet to turn up demanding his tea time.  There has barely been time to say how's your father in this house!!  And tonight we will be transfixed by one reality dancing show after one reality singing show.  I wish, goes Owner, they could be more natural.  But. I droned, that is the point to these things surely, with Simon De Ghoul I mean Cowell - he must say funny things or we would turn over.  if, we are still up to it later on, we will try to catch Casualtee but it will be very sad with funerals of Jeff who blew up last episode.  Now do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x