Thursday, 30 April 2015

Top Thursdee

Wonka here.  WHY SO?  you all wake up out of your respective (like it) trances and shout at me!  you have to count your biscuits I mean blessings every now and then and tally up your good fortune to date.  HOW IS OWNER'S LOOKING? Give or take a missed opportunity here and a wrong pyjama purchase there, an ugly, old and fat day thrown in PLUS a non essential shop to keep them in business throughout this so called recession I mean recovery.....yes despite all of this Owner realises that she is having a topping day. Thank you Wonka! she goes up to me, for pointing that out.  I love it. x

Top Thursdee para and cartoon highlighting when it goes off the boil:

There we are! This is the second failed attempt to purchase an ordinary, nice but comfortable pair (why pair I am now struck with thinking?eh? EH) of pyjamas.  Maybe third time lucky she says to me trotting off out.  I rest my paws and everything folks.  I love it. x
Small political thingy update:  the shadow wotsit from that party that wants to help everyone is now saying that Dave has lied through his teef about welfare cuts.  yes. End of.
Final how's your father and tip top away para.  The snooker fest continues in this house folks and I find the click of those balls, and Willy Thorne mumbling away with a bit of John Virgo thrown in, well I find it ..zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz OH! and they do like to mutter to each other things like, 'if he just cuts it fine' or 'stuns into the red' and 'OOOOHHH where's the cue ball going!'  We are stuck like glue to it. Last night, our hero showed himself up to be an ordinary albeit (Love it) disenchanted with the game snooker player aka Ronnie.  His hopes faded away to reveal a passionate man who is our new fave and called Stu Bingham!  It is a dream come true for him (he said) and he gets our vote!  Oh no that's the election.  NO, the VIKIP candidate has not been round yet but I am ready.
Real final topping para.  Bertie has rearranged his miniscule life to now living in the Narnia cupboard downstairs instead of land of wardrobe AND not coming upstairs at bedtime.  I DON'T LIKE IT goes Owner in  the deep of the night when she is toss turn turn toss.  She reported up she didn't sleep a wink BUT had some dreams. Yes. Rugglesis has remained atop his linen basket on the heated pad probably after hearing the weather forecast (overnight frost, fall in temperature etc) and as you might know folks, I will be hitting my amazen box up near a searing hot rad, anytime now!  Do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  Big love Wonka x

Wednesday, 29 April 2015

Still here Wednesdee

Wonka here.  It seems like any other day but it isn't.  HOWCOME you all shriek up and wonder up?  because dear folks out there all over the Wold, Owner started off by being sad.  Then she stopped being sad and went on a small worry wart.....about? you all further question up.  About whether she will ever work again ever in her life.   Events out there in the Wold have been on Owner's mind, like the natural disasters and the not so natural disasters.  I have strongly advised her (list) 1.  She cannot however hard she prays and pops money in the wishing well save the Wold 2. it has only been a couple of days without a 'are you available' phone call to shake all our nerves up 3.  the snooker is on and she did wish she could be off for the entire championship.  I SPOSE YOU ARE RIGHT Wonka, she mumbled so low I could barely hear it.  I love it. x

Fresh and bright still here para.  As a diversion tactic to stop Owner from dwelling on the lack of love in the Wold, and instead cling to our humble goings on, I have insisted on this cartoon:

There we are!  Can you hear those bluebirds singling in the background?  See the butterflies flapping round her head! Note the huge bags of gifts (for the little person she fell in love with) and that folks is why I love Owner.  YES, I know I don't always show it and YES I have been known to lash out for no good reason, but she has a big heart folks.....x
Small political update:  we are speeding now towards the poor election and Dave was on good Radio 2 with that ultra annoying Jezzer Vine.  All Owner can report up is Dave going on about halving the deficit (like it is a cake.  a deficit cake, no cupcake) and how rotten Labour is.  and how to blame Labour is.  I am still keeping an eye for a random Vikip candidate and if the door goes it will be one of them spouting away on our doorstep.  They will look like an ordinary person but the helmet may give it away.  YES I have warned Owner. (but you will recall the dog on the loose in the night incident and we know she cannot quite be trusted. no.)
Final still here para.  Today, I forced Owner away from the snooker and out to the shops with a list.  All essential shopping folks as we cannot have another wrong pyjama incident.  Fresh from a double whammy visit to aged sibling and parent, she is now clued up on postal and proxy voting.  IT IS VERY COMPLICATED she tells me up.  Now I always vote with my feet, and today was no exception between herding Bertie into his Narnia cupboard where he has been all day and then sniffing round the kitchen, I tell you I am quite worn out.
Tiny snooker update:  our new fave Ant McGill went out to Mr Waistcoat Murphy but Owner has used up all her sad setting for one day and stayed calm.  Ronnie is messing about as per, one minute he 'has the frame' ( I love snooker speak) and the next he has missed the 'frame ball'.  Either way we love it!  Tonight we are back with Corrie and will Roy go on a date, we hope so and the big story is will Kevin see sense?? eh? EH?? Now tmro, Owner may be in demand, or not and whichever it is, there is more snooker!  Do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka

Tuesday, 28 April 2015

McGill Tuesdee

Wonka here.  Folks it has gone pretty well freezing in this neck of the woods there are reports of snow and it may as well be here.  The sun is out Wonka, observed Owner when she rose up out of her pit this morn, BUT with an underlying chill.  BBBRRRR.  In spite of this, she got up and got on with the morning feeding frenzy and I only looked at Rugglestop once.  HHHSSSSS we went with each other!  I love it.

Fresh McGill ridden para.  Due to no one needing Owner to toil away with big people, medium sized people or little people, we are glued to the latest snooker.  As you have rightly guessed folk out there all possibly on that horrid treadmill OR like us, snug as you like with the tv on - me and Owner are cuddled up to our latest fave Anthony McGill from Glasgae! That is Glasgow to all else. Because Owner once lived there and had the good fortune (hmmmm) to be married to a Glaswegian once upon a time, she reckons up on all things Scottish....and has a fond regard for them. Me?  thanks for asking and here is my limited Sconny Botland knowledge (list) 1.  Irn Bru comes from there and is sugar ridden 2.  so does square sausage 3.  they invented near enough everything then emigrated and 4. that is where our fave Nicola Sturgeon lives. end of. x

More to do with McGill oh alright and Murphy cartoon para:

Small but interesting political update.  Mr Ed has been to visit and been SEEN visiting Russell Brand who is famous for lots of things and noteably encouraging young people NOT TO VOTE.  Seeing as how he has millions of followers (including us and we are not young either) on Twitter we see this as (owner said) expedient. x

Final McGill ridden para.  our new fave is four all to Mr waistcoat Murphy.  and now Ronnie is also on the table I'll be lucky to see my teatime. AND he is (snooker speak) trailing by 3 frames to 5.  He is back tmro and with any luck Owner will not get a BBBRNNNNGGG brrrnngg call.  Now what else has happened in our snooker ridden household.  Owner managed one phone call with a positive result; it was answered by a nice person called Jane and we love her. Did you take those pyjamas back that were a terrible nay horrid mistake Owner I says up.  I HAVE Wonka, she tells me up on her return.  And they were that horrid that they allowed the good assistant to refold them exactly how they were before Owner inspected them.  And bought them.  Again, I would struggle to see Owner laying in her coffin with them on.  I have begged her to be more focussed next time.  begged her.

Now tonight, we have more Enders and more strange storylines and will thingy have her babe before Kate has hers? eh? EH? if there is any movement on the baby front you will be the first folk to know we promise.  Then there is good Holby and those mixed up drug soaked Doctors and shouty nurseys all vying with each other to be the best.  Bertie Bubb has been in the Narnia cupboard all day and Rug is on the doorstep creating a massive draft.  I have been keeping an eye out for those pesky Vikings especially in the run up to the elections.  They may have changed their name (VIKIP) but I would know them anywhere.  Do go steady yourselves good folks out there in the Wold wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x

Monday, 27 April 2015

Mini Mundee

Wonka here.  Nothing to report up folks so you can all go back to sleep or making your breakfast or tea or that.  Owner got up, could NOT remember any of those wispy dreams, she did not complain or moan up saying things like I DO NOT WANT TO GET UP, or GO TO WORK, etc.  The only thing of note is this: YES you all shout impatient to hear it now.................she went slightly into ugly mode and we teetered (like that word) for a while on whether it was a fully paid up ugly or not.  I am proud to say it passed as she discovered she did in fact look exactly the same as ever! I love it.

Tiny miniscule para.  They are all warning of cold weather to come and there has been snow.  What is going on?  Can we not rely on some warm and spring like weather now.  One minute Owner is trotting round in a tea shirt alright PLUS a warm cardi and the next thing it is back on with the searing hot rads, and out with the pink jumper with a dog on the front.  I said at the time of purchase, I said, WHY Owner, buy a jumper (it goes without saying she did not need it) with a dog on when I prefer to look at one of us, I mean a feline, I mean A CAT LIKE ME.  As per I spoke in vain as she was too busy shouting about how much she loved it to hear me.  x

Mini cartoon para: you have seen gingertop, you have seen me and now it is Rugglesis turn

There he is atop the Blue bin, and he is now King of the yard. BUT I says up to Owner, he looks like a dog and he looks like Sam (Owner's hero dog of years gone by) Well she goes up, now you mention it Wonka I do believe you're right.  (when am I ever wrong Owner I said I mean whispered).  this poses the important question of whether Sam is still around and about.....his water bowl is, and it is in the back yard for any visitors to have a nice cool drink.  We love it. x

Mini election update and run up para.  Mr Ed is still at it, giving away stamp duty this time and Nick the Clegg has been getting hot under the collar with Jezzer Vine on good Radio 2.  Do you think Owner, I says up to show interest and knowledge, he did sound a mite defensive? I DO, she says back. End of.

Final mini mini para.  Will Owner ever return to work you all worry up?  Who knows folks, she has turned down a two day job in a village so far away from here, that really she needs an overnight stay to do it.  That is a slight exaggeration but I am not sorry.  you cannot, I droned to Owner be up at the crack of dawn to get there only to face a long journey home.  What if, I continued, you are not happy there.  Being happy folks, is more important than money.  Blimey I never thought I would say that!  And only because I did a quick check of food supplies and we have enough in for the week. Yes.

Bertie bubb surprised us all yesterdee by coming out into the open. OH goes Owner, you are out of the wardrobe.  He then went on his special pillycase on the giant nest I like to call my own; it wasn't till I sniffed round a bit that we found out why he was out and not in.  The wardrobe door was firmly shut. I BET THAT WAS YOU accused Owner, to me.  Would I? eh? EH?  As for Ruggles, I am being fairly well behaved and have not lashed out.  I did dab at Owner's foot just lightly mind, when my nerves got the better of me and she agreed on that. x

Tonight, Owner is able to face Enders and the aftermath (nice one) of all these funerals and such.  Someone might tell Shirlee she doesn't need to be in every scene eh.  In Corrie  Kevin who is all things to the garage, has a strange girlfriend and only Sofee his daughter has realised.  Oh and Reetah in the Kabin. and possibly Norris too.  Oh maybe everyone but him then.  Whatever else is happening in the Wold tmro we can rely on the Snooker to bring Owner back round.  We love it.  Do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x

Sunday, 26 April 2015

In love Sundee

Wonka here.  OH NO you all shout up as one, she hasn't has she? eh? EH?  you can all stand easy, as (list) 1.  It would have to be someone I approve of. 2.  I hardly ever approve of anyone that Owner says she likes. 3. Owner falls in love like other people fall over - all the time.  It is alright it is with a tiny person who she has met once.  IS THAT ALL?  it is called love at first sight and has nothing to do with any known reasoning.  The last time this happened, Owner was with all the little people, freezing mostly, at a Nursery miles from here, but sometimes sheltered on the inside and drawing things.  There was one little person, drones Owner, who could have asked me to skip to the moon and back, and bring back a drawing of it and I would have. OH YES. I said to show interest and prove I was listening. (nudging up to my teatime).  Well, she carried on, this is the same thing.  I just looked at her and that was it.  As it happens I have seen this tiny person and I am letting Owner off.  End of.  I love it.

Love love love para.  You can tell we are having an upbeat day, for no known reason (bit like love) than Owner got up like it.  it is sunny TICK, it is Sundee BIG TICK, and there is the snooker MASSIVE TICK.  Darling Ronnie has got himself 12 up and only needs one more frame to poor Matthew Stevens and we do feel a weensy bit sorry.  BUT someone has to win it. (sorry Matthew we really are x).  we watched 2 mins of the marathon and saw that nice Paula Radcliffe get to the finish.  And blow me down there is a repeat of it all on the telly now!  Owner says this is just 'filling in' until the next bout of snooker.  YES WE LOVE IT. xx

Love is all para with tiny cartoon: yesterdee you had gingertop and today you can have me!

There we are!  I am indeed King of the Inside folks and never mind all this silly old supervised contact with Ruggles, when I saw him today in my dining room.......yes I did get told off STOP IT NOW she shouts up!  and to be fair, I did stop and Ruggles sped yes sped into the land of kitchen.  I love it. x

Minute election catch up.  Today, when Owner whisked into town for an impulse buy that I am still coming to terms with.  How can you justify that Owner, I starts up but she didn't hear me above going on about WE ARE NOT HERE forever and YOU ARE ONLY ONE ONCE....but while we are here I says up, we mustn't starve eh? Anyhow it turns out that on her way to the shop that she is now keeping in business, she passed a shop that had transformed itself into a We love Dave shop...What you mean the Tories I said up, showing interest AND knowledge.  YES she says, the candidate for our town, well his face was plastered all over the window!  Where is Mr Ed?  where are the Greens?

Final poverty stricken but in love para.  Lucky for me, Owner remembered some food for us on the way back and we are now all of us replete (I know.  I can stand easy now, with that word).  The trouble with being in love and I assure you, when I first met Owner and Golly (in heaven.  love you Golly) I did feel a twinge or two, BUT with Owner it affects her thinking and all sorts.  Shut Up Wonka she says to me, oh tonight we are on with more snooker and then maybe the Cornwall drama with that nice Mr Ross Poldark riding along the clifftops.  tomro is rearing its head and Owner will have to come back down to planet work.  Until then, do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x

Saturday, 25 April 2015

Saturdee Saturdee

Wonka here.  Today good folks out there in the Wold maybe having a snoozle (my fave) or reading a paper or saying WILL IT EVER STOP RAINING, today is Anzac Day.  WHAT is that some of you want to and Owner watched the ceremony thingy on the good tv to mark the occasion.  it is 100 years gone by since a lot of Australians (hallo Australia land!) and New Zealanders (likewise) joined in the World War One and got slaughtered on a beach for it.  It was all to do with Turkey and Gallipoli and was a hopeless campaign by all accounts.  Meaning?  you all chirp up.  meaning thousands of young men never came home.  On either side that is.  In war, droned Owner, there are no winners.  We do love them and remember them. x

Fresh Satdee Satdee para.  Owner was up fairly early and doing, even though it has steadily rained all day.  This is not making me want to go out she moans up, nice and snug from the living room.  After I said to her what about our food and what about your weekly exercise, she came round.  That, plus the snooker fest which is on all afternoon, ready for when she flings back in.  In other news, I have approached Ruggles, in a friendly (for me) and open manner only to be hissed at in return.  WELL DONE Wonka! goes Owner who supervised this anxious (for me) meeting.  Will we ever be best mates?  This question and others remains to be seen. yes. Bertie Bubb knows he hates everyone and hisses well in advance BUT there must be a cat out there for me.  I love it. x

Small but cosy cartoon para.  We start our gallery with one of the four of us, and it is Gingertop

There we are!  Gingertop calling to say hallo! and maybe have a peck of our best.  he or she is quite pretty for a gingertop with a pinkish nose and strange eyes (Owner says).  I have studied Gingertop through the good window and I am now thinking that kind of colouring is a winner this year.  Our new fave Anthony McGill of the snooker table, shares this exact colouring on his head.  We love him (and gingertop).
Small rush up to the election para.  Owner has read a big article in her best newspaper (the big one) all about the MAIN ISSUES affecting us.  And we have a lot of funny ideas when it comes to what is what.  Most of us, she droned are worried about money.  I mean I could have written this article folks.  Just saying up.
Final satdee satdee para.  So Owner gets all settled and knocks back some flapjack too (I says what happened to the healthy diet Owner and she says flapjack is teetering on healthy.  yes) and falls asleep!  I had to do the same! zzzzzzzzzzzzzz hours later when we came to, it was time for tea and the usual feeding frenzy.  Even Bertie was a bit anxious up there in the Land of Wardrobe.  Now tonight if Owner can stay awake there is our main hero, Ronnie on the table, then there is Britain may have some talent with that nice David Walliams and finally in Casualtee, mean but secretly kind hearted Connie who IS NOT A MURDERER has been taken away by the police thanks to that rotten and do gooding Nursey.  I bet Charlie nursey has a thing or two to say.  yes.  I have just checked that Owner is still awake and doing and so far so good.  So from us in sleepy hollow, do go steady yourselves out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x


Friday, 24 April 2015

Sorry Thursdee

Wonka here.  What is all this about sorry?  Sorry for being here, sorry for being late, sorry I'm not making  a fortune....WHAT could it be you all wonder up.  OH and sorry my Owner is so wonderful I should have popped on the end and now I have.  Dearest Owner has had a rejection.  Yes.  I have been hard at it, trying to turn this into the most positive, motivating, constructive NICE email in the Wold and good folks.......I have failed.  and I don't love it. x

Very sorry para.  Owner, I droned away, whilst she was swigging down cups of builders tea and crunching on that ryvita like a chipmunk gone mad (healthy diet.  don't mention it.  no) Owner, at least (list) 1.  you had a reply 2. your writing has been looked at by some VERY BUSY people 3. some authors were rejected billions of times etc and so on and so forth.  I'M PRETENDING NOT TO CARE she bleats in between feeding us, tidying up the facilities, taking the rubbish out, putting the tea on and..............warning klaxon....reading her emails.  Good folks, I have checked in the cupboard for something nice to calm Owner down BUT, the healthy diet is in the way of this.  Personally, I would have recommended a giant bag of toffee popcorn the sort that jams up your mouth and gets stuck in your teeth (if you have any left.  Sorry Dentist)  washed down with a giant glass of red.  Instead, there is a teaspoonful of red vino and nothing nice.  I ask you. x

Small but pertinent cartoon para. This folks, is how it is in this house, WE DO NOT GIVE UP or GIVE IN.
There we are!  Just to jolly Owner along, I have made it clear that, it might be MY daily diary but she does help.  Yes.  She does the odd cartoon and takes a photo now and then that after careful consideration I ACCEPT and would not dream of rejecting.  Not on your nelly and certainly not near tea time.  I love it.
A Minute and sorry mention of the election run up.  All we have heard today and when Owner is in sorry for itself setting and mode, she can hear things THAT HAVE NOT BEEN SAID, is that all the parties are guilty yes guilty of going on about cutting this and saving that and giving you know what to the other WHEN they have not made it clear how they will do it.  End of.
Final woebegone and sorry para.  Did she? you all ask up..go to work at all today thereby fending off starvedom in the household?  Owner did get a shout and did slink off to Filey where she reports all went well and all was fine, the drive was lovely it was (quote) all yellow and golden with daffs and dandelions and that yellow thingy in the fields.  All was happy and golden until she got back here.  Will she come out of it?  Not by watching Enders, which is too dark and dingy and not a particle of humour in sight...just funerals and bad Deano and Shirlee who is in every episode and every scene.  This isn't as bad though as if it was Stacee.  There is a bright side I says up to Owner, but she wasn't listening above shouting that Masterchef was on.  Will this do the trick, we just don't know.  Now Ruggles is sunning himself a la back door step, Bertie Bubb is doing his impression of the sleeping Beauty and I have my work cut out to amuse a sorry Owner BUT there is the snooker and a gingertop player, Ant McGill has sprung up out of nowhere.  He is our new fave.  Do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  big love Wonka x

Finally Fridee

Wonka here.  First things first.  Has Owner come round you all gasp up and say?  SORT OF.  Meaning? you all whisper up kindly and out of your genuine interest.  Meaning good folks, that she has come back to earth from Planet Miserable and is enjoying the day PLUS, she says to me, Wonka!  and I says YES Owner!  it turns out she sat and reread a whole #wonka story and loved it.  BUT I goes back to her, but you wrote it Owner....I KNOW, but I pretend it isn't me, she says back.  I love it. x

And seeing as it is Finally Fridee we are recommending it for your light weekend reading! 
It will cheer you up just like it did Owner....... (I know).

It is also, Owner's fave cover with me crouching like a tiger at the bottom and Baba gazing in that simple way of his at a butterfly.  Hankies away folks!! I love it x
Fresh finally Fridee para.  Has it been a long week OR has Owner been through the mill so it stretched itself out a bit.   thankfully the snooker is doing its job and keeping her focussed AND she can vent out all that pent up twisted rejection fever at the snooker table!!  blimey! and failing that there is always Enders to shriek at.  But blow me down if we haven't discovered we really like Cora in it.  And guess what? NO that is not it.  Because we like Cora we think she is funny and she says things to dreary do gooder Dot (handcuffed at a funeral.  I know) like YOU AND YOUR HORLICKS AND YOUR BIBLE.  Which made Owner chortle (like that word and I may use it again) no end, they have written her out!  by saying she is off to stay with Tanyeea, her daughter.  And Max has gone to ask Fil for help, and worse still the one who got conked on the head and is in hospital has revealed a new man in her life who has sprung up out of nowhere.   I realise I have gone ON AND ON about Enders and not a word about Corrie and silly David at the mercy of Killum.  He is still alive but with a punch where NO ONE will see.  And Roy is making friends with a nice lady up the allotments.  IS SHE AVAILABLE you all want to know and the answer is yes.
Tiny election fever update.  That Mr Ed has accused Dave of letting all of us down (again) and all are saying how unfair this is.  Not us being let down, but Dave being accused. 
Final finally Fridee para.  Owner turned down some work, nicely I thought, to travel half way round the Wold and back, to support a pupil.  How far will you travel?  said the nice lady on the other end, and Owner is saying unhelpful things like 'it depends' and going on about what time she would have to set out blah blah that I must have zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz OH dropped off for a minute and joined back in to hear her say, SORRY not today..  Which is really when the day started looking like a good day after all.  Me?  thanks for asking, I have a new cartoon of me to go on here, and so does Rug and so does Bertie Bubb.  Daughter text to say she has rescued a ferret and how lovely it is.  it will be rehomed via the good RSPCA and we love it and wish it a good ferreting home.  The weekend is upon us folks and the weather which has been searingly hot with blue skies and fluffy white clouds is now on the turn.  One minute we were roasting (rads off) and the next it is grey sky and Rads on!  Do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x  PS  Owner is blaming this on me but I say it is her (from behind the door and she can't hear me) but yesterday's diary went missing!  It is on now though!!! x

Wednesday, 22 April 2015

Haircuts agogo Wednesdee

Wonka here.  YES, it is true, it seems like 5 minutes since the last hair rescue and you all quite rightly shout up and say NOT AGAIN!  and HAS SHE ANY HAIR LEFT??? I can vouch for the fact that she has, although it is very short I mean chic looking now.  Does she, you all whisper now, like the colour?  YES, she has not as yet rushed to the nearest shop selling hair product, and bought up any packets of dye with pictures of beauty models on the front with impossibly beauty hair.  It is all a ruse (blimey I have outdone myself tonight) I says up to Owner, to get you, the customer, to spend more and more money, JUST BECAUSE you are having a full on ugly day.  She didn't hear me though above admiring the new and chic hairdo in the mirror.  I love it. x

Haircuts agogo para.  This all happened bang on my tea time and I had to behave and look all friendly and nice, for a good two hours folks.  I even let that nice hair rescuer put all his millions of bags and capes on my sideboard and spread a big plastic thing over my best toy and nearly in my amazen box.  Here's the best bit though, Rugglesis, who as we know is afeard of anyone aside from Owner, lay nicely on the step out back EVEN THOUGH, there was a third party in the house.  Well done Rug I says up, from the snug and safe zone of my box.  Bertie, who is the sleeping beauty in the land of wardrobe, did not realise any change in the dynamics (OOOH I SAY) of the household and is fast over.  I love it loads.

Small but necessary haircuts agogo cartoon para.  When Owner is back in love with her hair, we are all in for a good time of it. 
There we are!!  Our hair rescuer first joined us last September and somehow, despite Owner's snippings and DIY attitude with a new colour here and an experiment there, is bearing with it!  And today, has made Owner look the tops!
Small but vital political update para:  they say no news is good news and although listening up hard for any party talk Owner says she has heard DE RIEN.  all she has seen is a couple of stab in the backs at nice Nicola and other parties saying do not trust her.  yes.
Final I love my hair para.  Owner had a fab day with the people who treat you with total respect are friendly and loving and who need a bit of looking after.  So she was not in a school today, but with Mencap who have all taken a happiness tablet, yes.  There is tiny downside to this and guess what it is?  YES you are righter than right, it meant Owner had to miss Ronnie on the snooker table, and with or without his shoes on.  Will he be fined for that you all want to know?  The answer is blowing in the snooker wind and we will keep you posted folks but the important news is that he is through! 10 - 3.  We love him and Owner is going to throw a coin into the wishing well to watch the next match all the way through. 
Tomorrow folks has nothing, no nothing in it as yet and who knows what it could bring? eh? EH? tonight we are stuck like glue to Corrie and whether David has been kidnapped by Killum we mean Callum and whether there is a new romance for Roy amongst the veg up at the allotments.  Also Gail might get to marry thingy before the truth rears its imposter of a son head.  Do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x

Tuesday, 21 April 2015

Chic and Summery Tuesdee

Wonka here.   Owner has been told she looked 'chic and summery' AND her school bag was admired too.  Which one you all gasp up needing to know asap, which bag is that??  As you know Owner has many bags, owl bags, pink bags that look like travel bags, pink bags that look like pink bags, going out pretend animal print bags (my fave) (no the owl is my fave) Teddy bear rucksack bags, Bagpuss Bags....ARE YOU STILL THERE??  The school bag used to be her best bag (pink) until she had to get a new bag because her best friend had one, in black.  Now I'm a bit confused, and I think a cartoon is called for:

There it is!!  Owner's old bag which is the new school bag.  It all makes sense now.  sort of.  And I know it would be more fun for the children if Owner turned up with teddy rucksack, bagpuss OR the owl bag.  But would she be asked back?  tomorrow I might treat you all to Teddy Rucksack as he is a beauty old bear and was in every day use until his zip went.  We love him.x

Chic and Summery para.  BBBBRRRRNNNNNGGG went the good phone just when Owner had settled in for the morning.  OH YES, she says up and the next minute she has reappeared all dolled up.  IT WILL HAVE TO DO, she says to me whizzing round the room til I felt a mite dizzy.  It turns out she has a shout to go back to a nice big school and support some poor teachers for the morning.  When she fell back in laden with cat concrete aka litter and food for all of us plus a tiny bit of shopping for herself, I asked up if it went alright?  Compliments fell all around her and even one of the students copying what she said like a polly parrot did not send her funny. No.  The hoover had turned up in the helpful supermarket, and she had a text to say it had.  Wonders.  We love it.

Small and vital political update.  Millions had registered to vote yesterdee and so the nation may yet be saved.  Owner has seen a real live postal voting form, and says it may need three or four more reads to make sure all the bits were in the right bit.  End of.

Final Chic and summery para.  Can Owner keep this up you all wonder, looking the business??  As long as she doesn't fall subject to the old ugly and fat thingy wotsit, we are set to continue.  Me?  thanks for asking, had a nice relaxing day and only spoilt myself once by looking at Bertie Bubb who went into a prolonged (my best word.  stop it.) hissing and growling fit.  Ruggles is on his best behaviour and cannot put a paw wrong.  tonight we are cuddling up to Enders if we can bear it, with funerals and evil villains (Dean) released back into the wild to cause all in the Queen Vic to go funny except Shirlee his best Mum.  Then it is Holbee and who will rule the hospital now that thingy has stepped down?  All these big questions await us, and if that isn't exciting enough our fave hero of all time, Ronnnie O Sullivan is finally batting those balls on the table.  With or without shoes on, WE LOVE HIM.  Now do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  big Love Wonka x

Monday, 20 April 2015

Fresh start Mundee

Wonka here.    first up, although Owner (says) she was FULL OF GOOD INTENTIONS, we slumbered on for a good half an hour folks out there all possibly leaping out of bed yourselves at the first TTTRRRRILLLLLLL of the alarm.  All this despite (list because it is ages since we had one) 1.  Me having a prolonged (that word again it is my new fave) choking and coughing fit.  YES I am fine no thanks to Owner who just whispered are you still breathing Wonka ages after I had finished.  2.  A little spat with Bertie Bubb right next to Owner's pillow.  Nothing.  She did not even comment on that in her sleep.  3.  Having a funny dream in the night which she says she has forgotten.  I'll go to the top of our stairs and right back down again!!  I love it.

Freshly made para.  Even though we were latish up, and ready for that jarring phone call from the good agency....nothing happened.    This has freed Owner up to WATCH MORE SNOOKER.  How come? you all question up, how come this means a fresh start then? eh? EH?  it is all in the mind folks, and even though Owner LOOKS the same (well nearly, as her hair has finally gone funny and she reports feeling ugly and old.  all normal folks nothing to worry over. yet) yes, she may look as if everything is the same BUT mentally, she is having a fresh start.  She has been trawling the internet and found a house to rent in an idyllic location. Because it took me half an hour to spell that I now need a few zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz OH!  She says it looks lovely and why don't we consider it.  I am full against it already, as I do not want things to change.  But Wonka, she says up, there is spectacular (another giant word for a Mundee) view of the sea.  personally I would rather sit on my windysill admiring the gulls atop the chimneys NOT look out onto nothing except water.  I am not a huge fan of this.  But those birds...I love them.x

Freshly created cartoon para.  Gingertop is now visiting first thing, and Ruggles had to trek out back after him or her, instead of eating his breakfast.  RUGGLES! went Owner, as he vanished round the gate.  here is said Gingertop:
There we are!  He puts his little funny gingertop head round the open door and I said at least if he is there those pesky Viking can't get a look in.  I love him.x

BIG SNOOKER NEWS!  Bob Milkins from Gloucester lost 10 - 5 to Mr Higgins and we were rather put out by that.  Not to worry as a nice chap with hair a similar colour to gingertop called McGill or something very like that DID get through his match.  Our money is now on him and more on this tmro. x

Miniscule political update para.  It is the last day to register to vote and ALL are going on about that.  Somewhere hidden in all of that is nice Nicola thingy's SNP manifesto.  it promises everything as far as we remember and even mentions that word that we can't say.  (It annoys Owner too much - I'll give you a clue it begins with an A.)  Mustn't say it as it is too close to my tea time.  End of.  and strangely that's what Nicola say she is going to do with the A word. x

Real and proper freshly started final para.  When Owner has too much time to herself she can get into mischief with it. LIKE? you all wonder up.... Like getting on her soapbox overmuch.  So far, I have said YES Owner, and NO Owner, and BLOW ME DOWN Owner, but I did finally say to reign it in a bit Owner.  she didn't hear me above posting another challenging comment and I am now praying that nice agency call her up for work pronto (OOH a new word and I like it.)  She did go out briefly and supposedly to collect a new monster (for aged sibling) from that supermarket that likes to help us.  Despite a nice email saying it had been dispatched and when to collect it, it was not there.  According to the lady at the till, reports Owner to me...YES I goes showing interest and praying for a phone call AND my tea time, WE IGNORE THAT and wait for another email to say it is ready to collect.  zzzzzzzzzzz OH!  Even this did not nudge Owner over the edge though, she is still upbeat and go get em.  yes. 

Tonight we will cling onto Corrie X 2 and Our teenage Mum thingy, has named the babe MILEY. No one showed much surprise even Tim has put a chest of drawers together and Anna cannot now blame Owen for anything as he is not there.  There is a new drama on later and if it is not too scary (right on our bed time folks) I may suggest we watch it.  And the wall to wall snooker continues.....  Do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  big Love Wonka x

Sunday, 19 April 2015

Same again Sundee

Wonka here.    Gradually, Owner came to on this good Sundee, realising that I for one was starving and the others could do with a speck of breakfast.  AND, there is the snooker.  Now yesterdee I forgot to tell you the exciting news.  WHAT? you all suddenly want to know, could it be.  We were all of us, frontlined.  MEANING? you all shout up anxious and concerned with visions of us. well ME especially being lined up by those pesky Vikings who are always up to no good.  But, you can all rest up, and go back to your Sundee papers, as front line is just another name for NO MORE PESTS hiding in our fur coats.  never mind the luxury carpet.  Just a quick dab! goes Owner, rifling round my neck fur and doing all this whilst I was eating for goodness sake!  Bertie was caught during one of his rare outings for food and Rugglestop the same fate.  Needless to say the minute it was administered (long but apt word Owner said) we all had a good and prolonged scratch. x

Special Snooker update:  all of you folks NOT keen on this mesmerising game must look away now!!!  We left you with a bit of a cliff hanger and it was this: Who, is Milkins? eh? EH? Last seen playing a first round match with that Scottish chappie John Higgins.  After a lot of messing about on the laptop by Owner, who searched for Milkins IN VAIN, we finally tracked him down. His name is Robert Milkins, from Gloucester and with a name like that Owner, I goes up, surely he will win fame?  He is not done with the match yet, which ended up 6- 3 or something very like it.  (sorry Mr Milkins if that is NOT it) and they are to play the rest tonight.  My money is on Bob Milkins. End of. x

Small but important cartoon para forever immortalising Bob Milkins.

There we are!  Stuck like glue to our fave championship and fascinated by Milkins.  We love him. x
Out usual tiny political update.  All the parties, mostly, are falling over themselves today to say how sorry they are that many people drowned in the Med sea and they must all do something about it.  Up to now, this wasn't one of their worries says Owner.  it is now, I says up.
Fresh snooker ridden and possibly final para.   Today folks has trundled on by, with a small burst of activity by Owner who suddenly decided to get the monster up and running.  It swooped down on the luxury carpets down below and even paid a visit upstairs but stopped there.  I was safely atop my best linen pillycase on one of my giant nests upstairs and was nearly, I said nearly oblivious (like it) to the horrid noise coming closer.  Most times it lurks in the Narnia cupboard and Bertie is such a simple cat (I said simple not simple TON) that he knows nothing about it.  and Ruggles as far as I know, has not met up with it.  or heard it. 
Did she? you all wonder up, do anything else?  She printed out a photo of her, aged parent, daughter and Grandson and it took an hour to do; to be fair I did not hear any shouting or violence towards the BROTHER printer when it refused outright to do its job and instead keep saying it had A PAPER JAM.  With a red exclamation mark.  I did hear Owner mutter what she would like to do to it, one day, after it had coughed up the printed out photo.  It's not as if, she reported to me hours later, I even like myself in the photo!!  Now tonight we will be transfixed by more snooker and then by Ross Poldark.  Again, there is some sort of storyline to it all, and it is not just Ross and thingy riding about on the Cornwall clifftops. Owner is trying not to think about Mundee so I'm not going to mention it.  Do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it. big Love Wonka x

Saturday, 18 April 2015

Snooker Satdee!

Wonka here.  YES folks it is back!  and without further ado just a small roll on the drums, here is our little cartoon to celebrate!

There it is!!  Last Year Owner followed her dreams and went to Sheffield and the CRUCIBLE Theatre where it all happens.  I had to watch it on the telly whilst Owner WAS THERE!!!  did she see our hero Ronnie the Rocket?  eh?  EH?  Because folks, Ronnie is so swift he finished his session early on the semi final and Owner never did see him.  BUT, she was in the very theatre where it all happens and this folks, was enough.  SHE LOVED IT.X
Fresh snooker ridden para.  Aside from staring at the green baize and listening up to our beloved John Virgo (he says where's the cue ball going OH! and we never tire of him saying it.  NO) tell us all the bits and bobs about the shot - where is it going, is it going in OFF, is the table FAST, did it catch the POCKET and WHY did he miss that easy red.  Owner will be transfixed now and droning on for hours and THAT'S BEFORE we set eyes on Ronnie.  She managed to fling off to the swimming baths and reports her plan is still working (to get to the baths at a time when all else are not there. so far so good folks) and then fling round the maze like supermarket with no horrid till assistants (like that smarmy one the other day. HE WAS TOO FRIENDLY she tells me up.  You wait til I see him I says back!) and no horrid anybody else.  In fact mid week did she meet someone she knew with their new (ish) baby and fell straight in love.  This is always on the cards for Owner and if her heart latches onto to someone OR like Tinkers and the Booleys, we have all had it.  end of. x
Final continuing to be snookerish para.  So far in, we are still on the first rounds of the competition and have watched a complete unknown called MILKIN.  already Owner is transfixed and there will be an update on this match tmro.  What with Britain might have some talent and if not, there is some across the water on later, PLUS our fave Casualtee with those silly old doctors especially the bruvvers, Callum and thingy and my aunty, Owner's daughter cannot abide him (good use of word there).
Small and tiny political update.  Last night we watched Have I got news for you, and Ian thingy and Lord John wotsit had a right good to and fro and we still don't know what the Labour manifesto is anymore than some of the Labour candidates.
Me, Rugglesis and Little sleeping beauty aka Bertie Bubb have all been front lined MEANING less of those pesky fleas.  Personally I don't have any it is all down to the others.  Owner dropped a wet napkin fresh from the poor washing machine on top of rugglesis who was on the top step getting some zzzzzzzz.  Owner, I says up, when I had finished laughing (sorry Rug) how would you like to be hit over the head with a wet red rag thingy?  But she didn't hear me above apologising to Ruggles who retreated to the gate, and hanging the rest of the sodden ( I SAID SODDEN) washing out.  Now do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x

Friday, 17 April 2015

~Family Fridee

Wonka here.   What a glad day folks out there all possibly getting on each others nerves and thinking FAMILIES who wants one? eh? EH?  for some reason and Owner is still blaming this on the planetary line up (I rest my astrological paws and everything) and new moons and stuff - the little reunion went off smashing.  They even had a photoshoot; BUT they cannot agree on which photo is THE ONE.  The only person who looks alright in all of them is Aged parent who doesn't care what she looks like.  End of. x

Familified para.  We all know when families have a 'get together' this can play havoc with our nerves, with our confidence, and generally throw us back a few years.  In Owner's case though, the reverse has happened.  Daughter and grandson arrived back from a double whammy visit laughing and happy and then set on a massive spread.  It turns out, aged parent loves everyone (now) and is the matriarch (Owner says right word.  thanks Owner) of the year. (now).  Owner reckons her Dad, safely in wood carving heaven, would love all this IF HE WERE HERE Wonka.  Hankies away folks! x

Familified cartoon para.  The other thing about family thingies is how tiring they are when they are over.  Owner reports feeling 'worn out'.  She also reported driving up the wrong side of a road, but luckily no one said anything AND no cars were coming towards her... which saved her from leaning out of the window to shout something rude.  Yes.
There we are!  What is it??  you all shout is the little sketch Owner did of Whitby Abbey when she was there on Wednesdee. She could see it from the room she was in and whilst the students were being musical (or not she says) she got creative.  You can just make out the Abbey at the back.  I'VE BEEN ROUND IT droned Owner to me, back in 2000 and something.  I'd say another visit is due.  I love it. x
small political interlude para.  Last night we were hit round the head with five of the opposition parties rabbiting on about our defence and such like.  Out top faves are still Nicola (very feisty) Natalie (very Green) and Leanne (very Welsh).  They talked up PEACE and POSITIVE DIPLOMATIC relations.  The men both wanted to spend more £s on nuclear weapons that they wouldn't use.  End of.
Final non political and family fun para.  I have been spoilt and cuddled and talked about and even Bertie had a visit from Grandson; he said that cats spend about a third of their lives asleep but we all know Bertie is an exception to this as HE SLEEPS ALL DAY AND NIGHT.  Me? zzzzzzzzzzzz OH sorry...~Ruggles thought the Vikings had invaded and hid outside til the family left.  Now worn out or not, there is Corrie X 2 and Enders X 1.  If we can manage it there is John and Gregg fussing over a plate of food too.  In Corrie, Owen has gone, and Anna did have a weep, and Nick who is a lot better from his knock on the head is after Carling blackeyebrows who does not know he likes her.  Tmro, the Wold championship snooker is on and we will be glued for the next two weeks.  Due to this need to be at home and not at work, Owner forecasts a two week booking from the agency with no let up.  Because that's life she says up.  Now do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it, and specially if you are having a family thingy.  Big Love Wonka x

Thursday, 16 April 2015

Be Lucky Thursdee

Wonka here.  For some reason, and Owner reckons it is written in the stars, or planets or moon, she feels lucky..  Well which is it Owner?  I asks up out of confusion....  IT'S PLUTO she says up.  so whatever is going on in your lucky old lives good folks out there, we can all pin it on that Pluto planet.  or is it a big star??  How come you all shout up, perhaps still waiting for your boat to come in, or luck to hit you over the head, how come Owner suddenly and without any prior warnings is sensing a change of fortune.?  eh? EH?  It is beyond me folks, but I tell you this much, if it means more biscuits, seconds thirds and fourths helpings, extra cuddles and Owner going into a strange dream (happy one. yes) THEN I'M ALL FOR IT. x

Be lucky para.  Do you remember (and that has reminded me and Owner of an ultra annoying jingle on our fave Radio 2, where they all sing that over and over until Owner has to turn it off for fear of having it on the brain.  so now I am sorry I ever said it.) that Owner has entered a competition in that beauty Australia land?  and not just once but twice.  I HAVE TWO CHANCES she droned to me, OF WINNING; of course I said and of losing Owner, but she didn't hear me above making another submission to another good agent.  if your luck is in, she trilled at me, you must use it!  And this time, the agency have acknowledged her story!  ~which one is it you all want to know, and it is my fave because it is MY story, the Christmas Story from 2013 BUT now with illustrations.  ALL approved by me. I love it x

Be Lucky cartoon para.  And here it is folks..........

There we are!  Owner entering a competition all about a more equal society folks and I helped out.  Rejection?   me?  I can take it on the chin, but maybe, just maybe, our luck is truly in.  I love it. x
Small and minute political update.  #Eddieizzard who is very clever and very funny is backing Labour.  This alone could swing it for Owner (no puns or double entendre intended Owner said to put here.  I made her spell all of it.  end of.)
Final happy go lucky para.  No work today as the good agency was silent except for an email with big red writing demanding a receipt.  NO bellows Owner at the laptop screen and I must say it did put me off my biscuits for a moment or two.  It turns out, they were asking no DEMANDING information that Owner has already supplied twice.  the end.  So the day trickled by nicely, even Bertie didn't hiss or growl that I know of, and Gingertop is still popping in to say good morning. Ruggles has remembered that Owner loves him, and has stopped being funny. 
Tonight is that silly old political debate and we have already checked to see if it clashes with Banished.  And it does.  It is the last of the convict show and thingy was mucking around with the noose meant for the other one who really is being hanged in the morning.  by thingy.  It is too good to miss, said Owner.  I KNOW I goes back full of agreement as we have somehow grown to like it. There has been swearing and violence and a bit of the other BUT the story has us clinging on.  Now tmro good daughter and grandson are to visit and this is an EPIC day as Owner is to go to aged parent AND aged sibling too.  This is a family get together like no other! YES I am all ready with the medicinal red vino AND my space under the bed.  ONLY JOKING Owner. Now do go steady good folks out there in the Wold wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x

Wednesday, 15 April 2015

Whitby Wednesdee

Wonka here.  We made it up at the right time and Owner's hair has gone right for the second or third week running AND that is without a single snip, a dose of hair product, a frantic text to the hair rescuer nor nothing. I CANNOT UNDERSTAND IT Wonka, she says to me, wondering why.... It's your attitude towards it that has changed Owner I says back, your hair looks the same as ever.  Meaning? she goes back straightaway.  Meaning it looks gorgeous!  And yes, it was time for seconds I'll give you that, but I cannot tell a lie to Owner especially when she is on fairly positive setting.  It could all quickly change...................but not today!  I love it.

Whitbyfied para.  Cherio! she shouts and off she tootles in the car with no name to Whitby, the home of that famous Abbey and where Count Dracula may have washed up.  Oh and the fish and chips.  OH NO now I want fish and Owner wants chips.  Big fat fish shop chips.  STOP IT Wonka, she tells me up, but I can't I am now dribbling and drooling for some crispy batter wrapped around some melt in your mouth fish.....  We love it! x

Small Whitby cartoon para.  Owner says out of all the millions of cartoons there is not one of the Abbey and we will have to make do with Scarborough castle and I said alright Owner.


There it is!  I said what is that scribble thing and she tells me it was just a ROUGH SKETCH of the castle.  It looks like it is caught in a storm I says up.  I love it. x

More about Whitby para.  She seemed to get there very quickly and wondered why.  Even Robin Hoods Bay which is a beauty seaside cove thingy, whizzed past her in a dream.  Why she had to visit that maze like supermarket and bring back a pair of pyjamas I would worry about burying her in I cannot judge.  NO, I have not said, not even from under the bed.  I did suggest washing them to be rid of that new smell and now they are jammed in the washer with all else.  I MIGHT GROW TO LIKE THEM she droned to me and I did say or pop them in the next charity bag but she didn't hear me above talking to her cousin loudly on the phone.  This frightened Ruggles, who thought it was a real live person (or a Viking invader) and he went funny and ran out.  It seems the school she went to managed to cope with her for two hours, and the students stayed in the room. x

Brief interlude for a political update.  Basically they are all releasing their manifestos into the wild and they are promising more houses and more minimum wages and such like.  Owner says NO ONE will get a majority. End of.

Final Whitby para.  Tonight we have Corrie to snuggle to, despite Owen telling Anna IT IS OVER now, and Sarah Loo has been sacked by her mystery boss in deepest Milan.  Then it is a toss up between John and Gregg and their semi finalists.... they have to cook a meal from scraps shouted Owner to me, and goes, they should have seen my lunch from yesterdee!  The less said about this the better I say, as Owner can be a little loud at times....ONLY JOKING Owner!  yes it is a toss up whether to watch give a pet a home as it might have that nice Julian Clary in it. Bertie bubb is behaving nicely in the Narnia cupboard and Ruggles has come home the silly billy and he will go out soon looking for gingertop.  I ask you. Now do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x


Tuesday, 14 April 2015

Big Birfdee Tuesdee

Wonka here.  First up, pink elephant has stayed where he was and no sighting of any Vikings or other animals out back.  PRAISE BE goes Owner when she finally got up and peeked out.  That just means we can all settle down and rejoice and wait for the next Viking invasion.  I love it. x

Big Birfdee para and photoshoot.  When a birfdee plan comes together we love it and luckily for Owner it went without a hitch.  Flowers arrive from Aged Sibling alright I says up?  DID THEY! she goes back, and here is a little look at them..............
There we are!! Lilies and Carnations and Chrysanths goes Owner and blow me down if she didn't get Rufus Bear in the photoshoot too.  WHO IS RUFUS? you all gasp up peering through the flowers.... Rufus is one of Owner's best bears, given to her by the jolly jobcentre in Hull when she left them a million years ago and in another of her strange career wotsits.  It's best not to ask Owner any questions about it as we could all be here for hours.  She did the Rufus drawing for Aged Parent who also goes mad on teddies and no wonder Owner is a teddy bear person is it?  We love them x
Freshly made big birfdee para.  Owner managed to get through a luncheon with aged parent and sibling which in her own words, was the strangest plate of food she has ever had to eat.   IT'S BECAUSE I DON'T EAT MEAT Wonka, she tells me up, as according to her this 'throws people out'.  Personally, I think John and Gregg (Masterchef) would be rather disappointed to hear about a plate of carrots, tomatoes with strange cheese clinging on, cabbage and mash.  Owner, I said, you were brave to tackle that!  YES she says up, and John would have said THIS IS THE WORST PLATE OF FOOD EVAHHH! I hope you didn't pay for it I says to Owner, as only a fool would pay for that but she didn't hear me above saying how nice it was for the three of them to celebrate. x
Tiny infinitesimal (GET ME!) political news para.  Dave who heads up the Tories has announced his manifesto and I'm blowed if I can recall what it is and neither can Owner.  she did hear of another televised thingy with all of them on Thursday.  Are you sure Owner? I quizzed up, and blow me down the stairs if it isn't just the opposition party leaders all bellowing at each other. If there is nothing else on to amuse us we may tune in. x
Real and final Birfdee sum up.  What else you all shout up, has happened of any note?  Owner has an offer of work tmor aft and must go to Whitby.  ~All I can say is, watch out Whitby.  And second up, she has done another cartoon entry for that nice Australian competition. IT'S THE FUN Of TAKING PART Wonka, she droned to me, and you know I am her biggest fan of all folks, telling her to GO FOR IT, especially when there is a massive money prize to save us from starvedom.  I may toss a coin or two into the wishing well just to secure a winning entry.  Now tonight, there is Enders and will we ever leave the dying storyline of Stan and his overflowing family all propping up the bar in the Queen Vic? Eh? EH?  Then we can cuddle up to Holbee and that shouty Doctor Jack who is a woman and who has got back with her ex and this is one in the eye for the power mad and crazy chief of all.  Owner is on upbeat setting and me? thanks for asking, keeping a supervised eye on Ruggles and Bertie, and gingertop out back.  busy, busy, busy.  Now do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  big Love Wonka x

Monday, 13 April 2015

Pink Elephant Mundee

Wonka here.  What is all this pink elligog stuff you all want to know and here follows an early cartoon all about it............

There it is!!!  SO WHAT you all cry up.  When Owner inspected the back yard first thing and alright it was early (for us. 6 25 am. yes) she draws the curtain back and says WONKA, THE PINK ELEPHANT HAS MOVED.... I did show total interest it being smack on breakfast and I was starving, even though I had pretty well cleared up on the biscuits over night.  You know how it is.  Anyhow, yes, pink elliegog had moved from cuddling up to Baba's Buddleia pot (where little mouse boolley is buried.  I know) to mid yard.  Owner did not go hysterical, or start on about things that move in the night.  yet.....

Fresh pink elliegog para.  I know I am calling the elephant elligog.  It is also a watering can.  As soon as the feeding frenzy died down and I admit I took up most of it, Owner checked the yard.  NOTHING ELSE has changed she reports on her return.  You know what I am thinking good folks out there all enjoying peaceful and possibly boring lives...?eh? EH?  Number one on my list is those pesky Vikings and I haven't forgotten the 'I've lost my staffie dog man'. NO.  Owner is clinging to other theories.  LIKE?  I went in the fairly new and annoying way.  Like (list) 1.  The wind. To my knowledge folks, there was not a breath of wind in the night. 2. Seagulls.  As much as I like the seagulls, I cannot see them mucking about with a pink elligog which doubles as a watering can in the night. 3.  Gingertop. she or he has never shown any interest so far in the pink elligog  so why now and why in the deep of the night? 4.  Owner suspects the shed monster.......... every single biscuit was eaten up and the bowl licked clean Wonka.  How this links to the movement of the elephant from one place to another defeats me.  all my money is on the Viking OR the elephant simply took it upon itself to move.  TBC (to be continued folks - who knows it could be a visit from the fairies next and we'll make a fortune.) x

Brief political update.  Mr Ed has been busy in Manchester telling all about the policies and someone came on good Radio 2 saying it was all very nice but will how will he fund it or invest it or something very like that (sorry labour).  The other word being bandied (like that word bandied) about is AUSTERITY.  We have looked it up to be on the safe side and we still don't like it.  Owner especially. And that nice Hilary Clinton is running for President of the good US of A.  we know that is nothing to do with our little election but she has our vote.  yes.

Final pinkish elephantish para.  Other news to report up is Owner is no longer in the throes (like it, impressed myself there) of a crying jag.  EVEN though we spent a fitful night, alright just Owner then, fretting about phone calls from the agency, today has trundled on by.  SOME SCHOOLS droned Owner to me, when I was trying hard to get a few zzzzzzzzz OH! Some schools are still shut. ~Tmro is Aged parent's birfdee and I can only hope that all goes to Owner's plan.  She has the card TICK she has a luncheon planned TICK and even Aged parent is looking forward double TICK.

Now Bertie managed to come downstairs to partake of my food and my facilities.  he is even now residing in the Narnia Cupboard and is not growling.  No.  Ruggles took a brief trot out back, and soon came home for his usual daytime nap atop the linen.  If Owner can take a tip from us and settle down to watch the soaps with a double dose of Corrie (hankies away folks! Owen has left Anna and we are sad) and Enders with more doom gloom and Max gone motor mad.  I haven't mentioned the search for Shazzer's real Dad and I'm not going to.  And finally, get this, Owner has entered a massive Australian competition (hallo Australia and lots of love now) with a poem by me.  I know.  do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it and especially if you are in Australia. x  Big Love Wonka x

Sunday, 12 April 2015

Crying Jag Sundee

Wonka here.  Some days good folks out there all possibly laughing your heads off, Owner has a day of weeping.  WHAT FOR?  you all say up, full of concern and such like.  FOR NOTHING folks, until something comes along to start it off or keep it going.  I feel sad Wonka, she tells me up first thing and then blow me down does she think of a million things to feel sad about! NO we cannot do a list we will be all day long at it.  Me?  thanks for asking, well it means I mustn't mention Golly or Baba who are in heaven or Tinkers and the Booleys or just about anything.  I did the tiniest, weensiest snuffle of a sneeze this morning and that set her off too.  STOP IT Wonka! she tells me off, YOU ARE NOT TO HAVE A COLD!  How anything in this house and I include all those creatures you would normally peer at through a magnifying glass, could catch  a cold I do not know.  We are all basking in the heat.  And my box is but an inch away from a searing hot RAD and....I LOVE IT. x

Fresh and teary para.  Luckily Owner only had to speed to the supermarket and back again.  and park up.  Did it go off without a hitch I asked up as soon as she trudged back in laden with our new concrete aka luxury litter and other essentials.  I thought I saw someone I knew she goes, but without staring at them overlong she wasn't sure - I say no wonder they think she is glaring at them rather than staring but luckily she didn't hear me above saying about a raffle ticket.  AND I COULD WIN A CAR she tells me up.  I mean this is surely something to celebrate?  eh?  EH?  then does she watch the original version of Little Women which can only bring on more crying.  Crying when little Beth pops off and crying when Jo knocks Laurie back.  and he goes and marries Amy.  I ask you.x

Interlude para in all the crying:  and this set Owner off too.

There he is!!!  Our new hero alongside Many Clouds is Balthazar King.  If Owner has checked once for his progress she has checked ten times.  The wishing well has been visited, and really it is so reliable he should be round and about in no time.  I LOVE HIM, she says to me, and like I say, a racing pigeon is more on my level but he is rather special.  Alright I do love him too. x

Final weep away para.  Do you feel happier yet I says up, taking a special interest with it being an inch or two away from teatime.  I have also been an inch away from Ruggles, with lots of supervised contact this weekend.  NO Wonka! says Owner to me the second I look as if I am going to inspect Ruggles a little too closely.  I love it!  Now tonight we can snuggle up to Poldark and Aiden and before that is my fave film Willy Wonka and it is the proper one with Gene Wilder in it.  Surely this will cheer Owner on.  I MIGHT WATCH IT for 5 mins she tells me.

Tiny political news item.  They are all telling on each other and promising goodness knows what prior to the good election.  Owner is voting on behalf of Aged parent and knows how aged sibling will vote.  Owner still wants to vote for Nicola, Natalie and Leanne. End of.

Real total and final para.  Days like this are days for home made rice pudding and that is what Owner has gone and done.  ~Between this, Poldark and Mr Wilder we are in with a shout of being alright in this house..Bertie bubb has been sighted for two meals to-date and that Gingertop keeps flitting about the back yard.  Ruggles saw it was raining and set in for the day and wisely chose to sleep atop the linen box.  Tmro is another day I goes to soothe Owner not meaning to remind her of going back to wherever godforsaken spot the agency send her. THANK YOU Wonka she says, but she was smiling folks.  Now do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it. Big Love Wonka x

Saturday, 11 April 2015

Sporty Satdee

Wonka here.  Today folks we are spoilt rotten for historical sporting events.  Yes.  When Owner trotted round to visit (first)aged sibling they discussed (list) 1.  The Boat race.  it turns out that this brings back memories as they watched it at their Grandma and Grandad's when they were kids. I ALWAYS WANT CAMBRIDGE to win it, droned Owner to me.  I mean, there are only two possible winners in this race so if they don't win it, it is Oxford.  Who?  I enquired, very nicely, wants to watch two boats and their crews battle it out Owner?  eh?  EH?  And it turns out millions of folk do.  It all began in 1829, and runs annually since the 1850s and blow me right down the stairs if  Cambridge have won it more than Oxford.  Where is it! you all chirp up and ask!  On the good River Thames.

Fresh sporty para.  The other sporty event Owner discussed with aged sibling was 2) The Grand National.  yes, another trip down memory lane as they all sat at their Grandparents and placed bets on.  IT WAS EXCITING for us kids, droned Owner to me, and I have to say, if it had been racing pigeons instead of horses I might have been a bit more keen.  THEN Wonka, she continued on zzzzzzzzz OH, must have dropped on for a second or two....Then she goes to me, I call round to Aged Parent and they are running a sweepstake and I picked Many Clouds.  Now this race folks comes with a massive health warning for horses as it is a huge race with a gruelling course and jumps. I AM PRAYING TO ST FRANCIS she tells me up and I am too.  We love horses. x

A small and sporty cartoon for the real sporting event of the Day!!

There we are!!  My fave tennis player Andy Murrymint has only married Kim thingy!!!  And even though Owner's fave is Novak she still wishes them well!  They tied the tennis racquet in Dunblane in Sconny Botland and that is Scotland to all you folks out there thinking what the heck is Wonka on about.  We love it. x
Final sporting para.   So when Owner makes it home and parks up in a typically miniscule space, I says to her Will you Owner, be watching the race?  WHICH ONE she says back to me.  Well we have managed both folks, and blow me down and take me down to the bottom of our stairs if Owner's tiny sweepstake ticket didn't win the day!  HE NEEDED LOTS of water to cool him down and his trainer was worried says Owner, but Many Clouds.....WE LOVE YOU.  But, we are still sending lots of love to Balthazar King, he was aged parent's horse and he fell down.  What about a coin in the wishing well I suggested (big word for me and I like it) Good idea says Owner, we'll put more in.  And we have. X
Small tiny and minute political update.  Both the main parties, droned the good radio today, are going to 'shore' up the NHS with billions more £s.  and Mr Ed who heads up Labour is going to see that all Mums to be have a midwife.  I mean we thought they already did but what do we know?  eh ? EH?
Real final sporting para.  The two horse race aka the boat race is being won by Oxford.  yes.  Now last night we managed to keep up with a very sad storyline in Corrie as Owen has been asked to leave by Anna;  But I love you he kept on saying.  I AM NOT KEEN says Owner, on such a sad storyline. and over in Enders, the Dad or brother or Grandad of practically the whole Queen Vic family, popped off.  I'd say it was a typical Fridee nighter ..IT'S NOT REAL I says to Owner, but she didn't hear me above checking the yard for stray Vikings... Bertie Bubb is doing his impression of a sleeping Beauty in the Land of Wardrobe and Rugglesis is guarding the step.  he is in love with Gingertop and went all frisky yesterdee even though he's been done.  (enough said.) Tonight there is more sporting entertainment with Britain has lots of Talent. topped off with Casualtee.  Do go steady out there in your own sporting Wold wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x

Friday, 10 April 2015

Busy Bee Fridee

Wonka here.  last night, after the penultimate (Owner said. end of) episode of Banished where thingy who has been near to death in nearly every single story added a bit of variety by having a go at ending his own life.  Only we are not to know if he is successful until the very last one.  I ask you; it's a wonder to me and Owner there were any convicts left to colonise anything.  So we were left dangling like him and THEN, whilst Owner had started on her first check of the evening, there was a knock at the door.  (cliffhanging end to first para...)

Busy bee para.  THEN WHAT?  you all wonder up, like me, who could be knocking on the door at 10 pm of an evening.  ~Again, like me, you probably thought it was one of those pesky Vikings having another surprise attempt to gain entry.  And as far as I could see, it had all the makings of one from my perch on the bay.  YES, goes Owner, opening the door about 2 inches (in case I fling myself out in to the wilds of the motor way stroke street..... CAN YOU, says this complete stranger, who is a big man, casually dressed.  CAN YOU OPEN THE BACK GATE as I have lost my dog.  CALLED? says Owner (I mean will this make any difference when we are murdered in our beds I said, but she didn't hear me above going to the back yard to find Ruggles).  The dog, which was of course a staffie as all Vikings have them, is called Smoky.  yes.  Did she open up the back gate to let the complete stranger Viking through?  of course she did.  (more cliff hanging....)

Brief busy bee interlude....... just to break up the tension for a moment and recall nice normal everyday things.....

There we are!!  She has shopped, visited family, RELAXED, enjoyed the sunnyshine and spent lots of time with me, bertie bubb (who frankly may not have noticed) and rugglestop who did.  And yes, I love it! x

Back to the Busy bee para.  So this complete stranger is looking for his smoky dog in the dark out the back.  Was he a Viking? as far as I'm concerned YES, heavily disguised as a man who had lost his dog.  COLLAR? goes Owner still quizzing this potentially dangerous Viking. NO he says up.  this is where I rested my paws and everything folks.....If I were a dangerous Viking trying to gain entry I would have a better story prepared.  yes.  When he left, saying his dog (Smoky) was in the next street I did tell Owner off.  it was on a par with her risky overtaking the other week.  I WON'T DO IT AGAIN she assured me, double checking the street for any more marauders.

Final busy bee para.  When Owner has not been talking to strangers she has been a complete busy bee visiting more family in the car with no name.  I HAD TO BE PATIENT she reports, when behind several cars who had forgotten where the accelerator pedal was.  RIGHT, I says back hoping for some tea time anytime soon.   Just as I was settling back nicely in my Amazen box I hear Owner in the kitchen going WHAT IS THAT BUZZING?  Not only do we have a pretend bee sticking out of the lemon geranium, we had a real bee to go with it!!!  a giant Bee according to Owner's description. she captured him in a teacup and released him out back. Ruggles was taken aback by it all and Bertie knows no different. Now tonight after all this excitement I have warned against opening the door to anyone, even if we know them.  Don't be so silly Wonka!  she goes.  There is Corrie to latch onto and Enders if we can cope with it.  Their Dad or Uncle or Brother is dying and as before can he hurry up.  Now after the good week, there is a potentially (get me) good weekend to cap it all and round it off, so do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x

Thursday, 9 April 2015

Heatwave Thursdee

Wonka here.   Finally Owner has adjusted the heating, only after I said.  OH, you want to know what I said, I goes, Owner they are forecasting extremely and unseasonal warm weather (try spelling that little lot in a hurry.)  I'll turn it down a tad, she says, and instead of roasting hot rads (yes I know) it is hot rads.  To balance this out, we were allowed an upstairs window open with just the odd draft floating through.  In the main, and as you know, I am well cared for, fed on demand and spoilt rotten, but there are these odd times when I could do with MORE FRESH AIR.  I love it.

Heatwave para.  Today, in keeping with Owner's new and happy go lucky existence which to be fair can change at any moment, she has flung off out to town to shops and to the double whammy of visitings.  That is aged sibling and aged parent.  I found myself a nice cool spot which turned out to be in my Amazen box for a few zzzzzzzzzzz before she fell back in.  Bertie Bubb disturbed me once when he called down from his land of wardrobe to use the facilities and eat my left overs.  He then retired to his second best lair, the Narnia Cupboard.  Ruggles, to my knowledge, still does not know how to turn the cooker on, and was fast over on his heated pad.  You do see good folks out there, we are used to sauna like conditions and would probably all catch colds IF Owner ever plucks up courage to turn the heating off.  I love it.

Fairly hot cartoon para.  and here it is folks:
There it is!  Owner visiting the Stately Home yesterdee.  And that folks, is the statue in the driveway up to the Hall.  There were at least two more but Owner says this one was the best of the bunch as he is ON THE MOVE.  Me? thanks for asking, and I can get along without a statue although sometimes I can lay quite still like one.  I love it. x
We're having a heatwave para.   Aged parent was only sitting at a patio table in the sunshine, with several other residents, as civilised as you like.  I WAS TAKEN ABACK goes Owner, who is used to shouting at her mother in the resident's lounge.  Apparently, in the fresh air, aged parent can hear.  yes.   Was it a good visit? I asked up, it being fairly close to my teatime.  IT WAS FINE goes Owner who did most of the shouting I mean talking.  Now tonight, it is that Banished and it turns out all the convicts are there in Aussie (sorry Australia) for stealing a turnip or a piece of stale bread or a potato and really there is nothing between them and the soldiers.  We haven't got a favourite convict or soldier but are clinging onto it just about.  I haven't mentioned Enders and the annoying cat and alfee storyline never mind Fil at the garage being mean to son Ben and all else and I'm not going to.  If tmro folks is anything like today, we will be in clover.  Now do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x