Monday, 30 November 2015

Do you feel different??

Guten Morgen, Howdy up and Bonne Chance tous le monde!! (or is the world a LA?? x)

First thing I said to Owner after I had bounced up and down on her dead arm a few times was:
'Do you feel any different Owner?' - after she had fully woken up (more jumping on her feet this time) she goes to me:
I AM VERY EXCITED Wonka, and this is not usual for a Mundee morning when it is also grey and cold out back.  We know it is grey and freezing cold out back because Ruggles checked it out.  AND we could feel the draft from the good back door. x

 
Today is the day good folks out there all smiling and happy too! and Wonka's Christmas Story is now OUT!!  I mustn't forget, droned Owner to me (I think she said this in her sleep. Yes) to tell ALL, that this story is FULLY ILLUSTRATED. and this is specially important for anyone and this includes children who like to look at pictures.  Personally, I won't even consider looking at a book if it doesn't have a picture in it.  All words and no pictures? NOT IN OUR World.  End of. x (sorry books with no pictures in them.x)
 
In other news, Owner has a PLAN A and a PLAN B.  And we are on Plan B now.  Can you at least, I says up, give me a five minute warning before the monster is plugged in but she didn't hear me above taking a phone call.  That's the second phone call this morning, she moans to me, from the agencies I am registered with for work. 
DID THEY OFFER YOU ANY WORK Owner, I says up (hopefully as we are saying hallo to starving and poverty stricken.x)
NO she says back.  so it is still Plan B and I am having to hide upstairs out of the way of the noisy smelly monster.  I warned Bertie but he thought I was attacking him and hid in his igloo. I did have a quick peak at Ruggles earlier on before Owner whisked me out........
Due to Owner being on High Excitement setting, I am having to check round more than usual, and you know how tiring this is folks. The second she flings off to the shops I will be zzzzzzzzzzzzzz and I suggest you fit in as many furry naps as you can!  See you soon folks, and bristle those whiskers! Big Love Wonka X


Sunday, 29 November 2015

Days like this

Morning and howdy up good folks out there all enjoying your Sundees.  Now in this house, a Sundee has a special flavour to it.

WHY and WHAT FOR Wonka you all shout up to me..............

Because, dear folks, even Owner who normally rushes round doing jobs, and caring for us, and visiting aged parents, and shopping, OH and maybe a tad of writing and such like EVEN she treats it like a day off.  I AM GOING TO RELAX she announced to me first thing. and this lasted for all of five mins folks, and the next I knew she was telling me to BE GOOD WONKA and she wouldn't be long.  The last time she said that folks, she went off to Europe.  end of.

 
So, while she is off gallivanting (what a word up!!) and NO it is not far, I am doing a little check on the next 'conversations' story (part six) which Owner says is, and I quote, 'IN THE PIPELINE Wonka'.  I mean I have looked at all the pipes in the house, even the searing hot ones that pop up to the searing hot rads, and I cannot see a story in any of them. X
 
In other much more exciting news it is only one day away from the launch of our published and illustrated Christmas Story that at least three people have ordered.  I couldn't be more proud and cannot wait to be more famous. X
 
so folks, on days like this, which are the run up to fantastic, wonderful, exciting and starstruck days, we just tootle along, and prepare ourselves.  Be furry and Be good!  Big Love Wonka X

Saturday, 28 November 2015

Now what?

Morning folks out there all adjusting nicely to the weekend and perhaps thinking like us NOW WHAT?

In our house, and personally speaking I don't have this question to ask as I already know what I want to do: zzzzzzzzzz have a snack, provide guidance to Owner (ongoing) provide more guidance to Owner, check on Bertie (not set times) check on Ruggles, open door to the kitchen permitting, eat because I am always a bit starving and back to the zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. x

In other refreshing news, we are still glued to the Last Kingdom and more specifically (OH I say!) to Uhtred.  He by the way, has just met his match in Iseult. Who is that? you all shout up to me. She, good folks out there is no less than The Shadow Queen:
 
There they are! Our hero Uhtred has met his match.......x BUT he is in a fight to the death next week blow me down, with someone he likes!  a spell or two is needed and Iseult is just the one.End of.
 
In further news and if Owner had her way this entire report up from me would be Dominated (ooer) by news of our published story, which is flying out to the bookshop in the sky (amazen)(we hope) for Mundee 30th, she says she knows of at least 3 people who have ordered it.  OH I goes, well that should save our sorry lives then Owner but she didn't hear me above putting the rocket I mean kettle on.  My mother, she droned to me, is well impressed Wonka.  And that folks is amazing all by itself!!
 
Now do all go on to have a champion Satdee, with a strong dose of doing what you like in it - take a bit of furry advice from me and spoil yourselves!  Big Love Wonka X

Friday, 27 November 2015

Forty percent!!

You will all want to know how Owner did yesterdee......and if you don't I AM GOING TO TELL YOU ANYWAY!!!
(fame will not go to my furry head NO.x)

First thing to note is that luckily, Owner remembered her name whilst NO ONE else did.  Who are you? they kept on saying to her and 'WHAT BOOK?' and We thought Wonka was........(apparently folks someone else has a name just like mine and it is to do with chocolate - which I approve of! x and even better, our hero Gene Wilder who we love to the top of the stairs and back, played him in a film! X)

Yes, so Owner decided to bite the bullet and visit three yes THREE places prior to said radio interview:
 
There she is!! and she reports up that luckily she had some business cards (with me on naturally.) to hand out to the unsuspecting shop folk.  One of them, announced she was a supervisor and Owner thought for a moment she meant of the entire world but it turned out it was just the books section. yes.
 
Were they in awe of you Owner? I did ask up (It was smacking up close to a snack time folks and you appreciate this is high on my list of things to do.x) NO ONE seemed to think I had done anything special Wonka, she droned back to me, and then she revealed that one of the shops would take FORTY PERCENT for letting her sit in it and sign copies of her own books that she had supplied  AND promoted all on her own.  And then Owner revealed: She asked me how much my book was selling for Wonka - and I didn't know! and she looked down her nose at me!
 
And if that isn't my Owner summed up I will go to the luxury shed and stay in it!!! Art for art's sake is Owner's motto and of course I agree as long as there are biscuits on the side..................x
 
After all the excitement of yesterdee is it any wonder we slept in zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz until I gave Owner the weensiest dab with my top claw!  That sorted it out! Now I want you all to go steady as it is the end of a BIG week PLUS there is a full moon hanging around.  Lay back, dream big, and see you soon.  big love Wonka X


Thursday, 26 November 2015

The Voice

Thank goodness folks out there all blessed with relaxed and happy lifestyles, we are inching towards one ourselves.............

Is she calm and prepared for her radio interview yet? short answer folks is NOT A BIT OF IT.  I did say it would be a good idea to write your name down Owner in case you forget it, but she was too busy rifling through (good use of word for this early hour in the morn) bits of paper to hear me.

 
There it is!! and if I say it myself, I look the adorable and loveable cat that I am!  AND, I do tell a good story..............X
 
 
In other and more exciting news, I have been in the kitchen now numerous (OOH) times to check on Ruggles.  NO, he still thinks I am a monster from outer space......so does Bertie come to that.  Just when Owner is settled nicely and has FORGOTTEN her pending interview do I creep in and start things up!  HSSSSSSSSS!  GGRRRRRRRRR! followed by WONKA!  I love it. x
 
Yesterday, Owner tells me she went to a shopping centre in York, with the Mencap folks.  On the face of it, I says up, this had the makings of a good day out.
NOT WONKA, she moans up to me, when the entire mini bus is singing along LOUDLY to well here it is Merry Xmas by Slade.  End of.  Not completely end of though, as one of the group bought a CD at said Shopping Centre which they had to listen to all the way home................. anyone you liked on it Owner I whispered up?
Only if you like Adele, Sam Smith, ID, Paloma thingy.......
that's a NO then I says..............it was very slightly redeemed with Bruno Mars.(x) (sorry everyone else.x)
 
I cannot wait folks for Owner to fling off out and take all her nerves with her!!! I have told her she looks a dream (I know) and the minute she goes out I will be zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Have the day of your lives folks, and celebrate whatever there is to celebrate with your best fur and whiskers!  Big Love Wonka X
 


Wednesday, 25 November 2015

Invisible

Owner is entrenched (good word that for a Wednesdee and in fact, mid-week.) in her enormous pit of despair.

WHAT NOW! you all shout up as one.

Owner has been convinced that (list) 1.  no one will listen to her interview (I did say in which case it matters not Owner if it is terrible - but I whispered it from deep within my amaZEN box and she may not have heard me......x) 2. no one will like her. (Impossible!) 3.  and here is the million dollar mind wobbling real question.............HOW, she goes up to me, CAN FOLK LIKE AN INVISIBLE BOOK????

Now I must own up good folks out there all thinking what the heck? that question had me VERY slightly worried.  But then I realised, she simply means, IF it is not on show on a shelf in a good book shop how will the adoring public (my adoring public.x) want it or buy it or anything? I did say give folk more credit they can simply rush to their nearest bookstore AND ORDER Wonka's Christmas Story OVER THE COUNTER, but she wasn't paying attention, as per......



This is where it all began and who knew it would be such a nerve wracking ride for Owner! Me? thanks for asking, I am a cool cat as you know, and here folks, was my simple and straightforward solution.
 
WHY NOT I says, approach either the bookshop you like the most.....AND the local library and BE NICE (tricky I know) and let them all know you are about to burst out with our Christmas Story on Mundee Nov 30th???  and this folks, is what she is revving up to do!! thankfully, I had this idea stroke plan stroke of genius before breakfast otherwise................
 
Even more promising is the news that Owner is slaving away at Mencap today and keeping those wolves from the door! Thanks Owner and just think I says to her, this will stop you worrying about your radio interview tomorrw! Crikey. After all this advising I need some zzzzzzzzzzzzz.
 
Now my best advice to all you good folks out there, is steady as you go, whiskers on the alert and dust your plans off for a successful day! Big love Wonka X


Tuesday, 24 November 2015

Radio we love you....

I might forget what to say, she tells me first thing EVEN before I've had chance to make Bertie hiss at me....................

Owner! I says reassuringly (for me) remember how good you were on beloved BBC Radio 2...................

But that was different Wonka!  I WAS COMPLAINING!
I rest my paws and everything folks out there. x

 
There we were!  me and Bertie Bubb all nicely when suddenly! THAT'S OWNER on the radio I shouts up.  And it was too. And yes, she had rung in to complain, to do with aged parent and her care package and blow me down to the luxury shed out back, if they didn't let her talk.  I did shout to her, to tell her to water it down a bit in case we weren't the only cats in town listening but she couldn't hear me for moaning and complaining!  I love you Owner! X (and I might listen again, at 12 noon on Thursdee, to our local radio.x)
 
In other more exciting news, Owner has bitten the bullet and renewed the car insurance EVEN though we are poverty stricken and the car with no name is STILL refusing to open its boot up.  End of.
 
At least, goes Owner to me counting her blessings (now me, I just count my biscuits.) I had some work yesterdee and can use today as if it were yesterdee...... YES, I am still working that out too folks!
 
Now do go steady out there as we are only 2 inches away from December and trees and advents and cards and gifts and OUR CHRISTMAS STORY!!! and I can promise you a full on Christmas time from us.  Claws in please, fur smoothed down and enjoy your Tuesdee folks.  til later, Big Love Wonka X

Monday, 23 November 2015

It Wasn't Me!

Howdy folks out there all heaving a sigh of relief that you are home after a hard day at it. SIGH.x

Me? thanks for asking, well as per, I've had a few munches on best biscuits (none of that cheap stuff lurking that's for the strays out back.x) I had one or two checks on Bertie and YES he is still in the Narnia Cupboard and YES he is fine and then I spose I may have dropped off a few times.  Yesterdee though which was Sundee in case you have already blanked it out in your mind, I did this:
 
 
There we are!  and all it was, is, I had the opportunity of an open door into the kitchen which as you know is Rugglesis en suite, to check him out!  Why then, the excitement?  NO I am not a monster and NO I am not out to get anyone.  As you know I love to play paw under the door with Rug......................anyhow, Owner spied me and shooed me out pronto.  STOP IT Wonka! x
 
In other more important news, Owner has been contacted by the good publicity dept of said publishers Austin Macauley (x) with a date for her Radio interview. I AM VERY NERVOUS Wonka she tells me up and I said, I don't know why as it's only about our Christmas Story which you know all about!
 
THAT'S WHY I AM NERVEWRACKED she moans up to me.  What can I say folks without putting my teatime in jeopardy (with a word like that I need my teatime now.x) I have told her to forget all about it until about half an hour beforehand and THEN worry!  More on this tomorrow folks when she remembers the real worry is what she looks like.......and sounds like.................x
 
Now remember folks out there, whatever you are accused of it wasn't you, even if it is downright fair and square that it is. Bristle up with your whiskers and stand tall!  Big Love Wonka X

 


Sunday, 22 November 2015

It Snowed!

First thing we noticed was the sky went that dark full of something way and then....
IT'S SNOWING Wonka!

and blow me to the top of our stairs, it was! This all happened yesterdee folks when no doubt you were all sunning yourselves on a beach or saying OH how lovely and warm it is today - then it stopped then it hailed and so on.  By the time Owner was making her weekly visit to aged parent (is it snowing she says to Owner, YES mother she tells her back) it was proper snowing.



Then what happened Owner? I always try and ask interesting questions to let Owner know I am listening up, specially when I am starving for my tea.  Then Wonka, she tells me, I had to drive back home in it.  It turns out this bit was easy, but the dreaded parking up was not.  No.

I parked up Wonka, she says all excited, and had to PUT MY HAND UP to stop the oncoming car, just so I could get my shopping out and lock the car up! you will recall folks out there, all with perfectly reasonable cars, that Owner's car with no name, is refusing outright to open its boot.  end of.

Then what happened? I am still showing interest in this endless parking up story as food is imminent (blimey!).

THE DRIVER SHOUTED AT ME BECAUSE I DIDN'T SAY thank you!
I mean anyone that knows Owner would know what a foolish thing to expect....it turns out the Driver of said car even wound the window down specially to say thankyou in a sarcastic way that would put Owner's sarcasm straight in the bin!!  I mean!
Beyond this minute and tiny incident, the day was a good one folks and it did continue to snow. YES, Ruggles trotted out to the gate and back again in it, and Bertie knew no different.x

Here we are again at the gates of Sleepy Sundee and I am still in my Zenbox for waking Owner up at the crack of dawn. WHY? she goes up, am I up so early?  And we still don't know folks!!
Have a perfectly purry Sundee folks and I will be back before you can say .....Willie Wonka!  Big Love, Wonka X

Saturday, 21 November 2015

What's in a Name?

Suddenly the mists clear and Owner suffers a moment of clarity. (I have outdone myself there, I know it.x)
'I'VE MADE A MISTAKE WONKA! she reveals to me practically the second we get up. Late.
'OH YES?' I goes with full on one hundred per cent interest as I am starving for my breakfast AND the superior very expensive biscuits.
'IT ISN'T ARTHUR IT'S ALFRED.'



There he is! King Alfred, who Owner has insisted on calling Arthur for the entire series of #thelastkingdom so far. I know.

Personally, I don't think it matters as HE knows what his name is, and of course so did I...Owner calls me a string of names and there's only a couple in there that really are nothing to do with me.  But all the rest I respond to.  Bertie is:  The Bubster, Little Ted, Dumbledore (?) Sleepy Hollow etc and so forth.  Ruggles is: Rug, Tug.....zzzzzzzzzzzzzOH! must have dropped off! 
No, the important thing to note here folks, is that Owner who is never wrong has admitted to a mistake.  BUT we mustn't dwell on that especially when we are nearing another snackerooni time. x

In other more exciting news it has gone freezing just like Ruggles and that Road Sweeper predicted.  Owner spent time, the other day chatting to him EVEN THOUGH it was obvious to me, from my prime position at the bay window he JUST wanted to crack on with his worthwhile tremendously important job to the community.
'SNOW IS ON THE WAY' he offered up, and blow me down to the bottom of our stairs if he wasn't right on the money.
THANK YOU goes Owner back to him. Don't overdo it Owner I mouthed to her through the poor double glazing, but she didn't notice through lugging all the shopping in. x
Now here we are again crashing up against a good weekend, and all we can do is enjoy it to the hilt!! so cuddle on down in your best snuggle spot and go square eyed like us!  Big Love Wonka X


Friday, 20 November 2015

No to cheap biscuits!

Owner has been on a short lived economy drive which I'm pleased to say she has woken up from.
I REALISE NOW, she droned to me this good morning.  That buying cheap biscuits instead of your normal outlandishly expensive ones that cost a heck of a lot more for LESS - is not the way forward.
HOWCOME? I said back full of interest as I will not, WON'T eat those other ones.
NO ONE IS EATING the cheap biscuits, she tells me after closely monitoring it all for an entire day.  I did say well you have nothing else to do Owner, but she didn't hear me above totting up the cost of all those cheap biscuits.
 
There we are! all shunning (good use of word.x) the cheap ones.
 
I have advised Owner to rush off to the shops avoiding all the millions of roadworks that have sprung up nearby, and get the proper ones.  It may even mean her going into that giant maze like store which she cannot stand! in which case I will be extra nice when she comes back home.....x
 
In other more exciting news it is Fridee folks and we have somehow pawed our way through another scratchy old week.  We await news of Owner's pending radio interview which at least two or three folk might listen to (only joking!....x) and this will be to promote our special Christmas Story that again two or three folk might read......(more joking!!X).I do have a small fan base and can cope as I said, with any amount of fame and fortune in fact I am built for it!  Do go on and have a sunny day with NO cheap biscuits to wash it round with and DO try and pack your Owners off out of it if you can.  Bertie Bubb sends felicitations (my word!) from the Narnia Cupboard, and Ruggles sends a weather forecast (snow on the way).  From me?  Big Love, Wonka X

Thursday, 19 November 2015

Sun's Out!

It is very off putting, drones Owner to me, when instead of dull dark rain soaked days, it goes all SUNNY instead.
Personally, from my vantage point on the sideboard folks, I like it.  It is nearly I SAID NEARLY as good as being crushed up against a searing hot rad.  And here I am basking in said sunlight:


Yes I know, it is not from today's sunny shine BUT as good as folks!  And from here I can spy outside and see what the yard is up to.  And those cheeky seagulls.  I love them. X

Is Owner basking in the sunnyshine you all shout up and ask me? It is all in the pipeline folks, and despite Owner being full of nerves I have said to her STOP A MINUTE and enjoy whatever is coming to you as you Owner, have worked hard for it. (it was on the cusp of breakfast, yes).x

In other more exciting news, our beloved Uhtred, who is half Viking and half Saxon (we think) is on our screens tonight.  And that pesky scheming Arthur, he is on it too, battling away for Wessex which is somewhere down South of England.  Everywhere important is down there. Are you saying, went Owner to me, that up here UP NORTH is not important Wonka? NO, I says back quickly.  Especially not our bit.X

Now today, who knows and I am hoping that Owner flings off out to the shops (I have checked she is not going to Europe again this week.no) so I can get some zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.  Tomorrow we are reminding folk out there of our Duffel stories! Duffel is a young man, from another world, quite ordinary BUT of course with a few special powers and a dog called Sam. Until then, only scratch if absolutely necessary! and keep those whiskers bristling! Big Love Wonka X

Wednesday, 18 November 2015

Do I look alright Wonka?

Some days, we all need two thousand tons of reassurance.  Hardly a day goes by folks, when Owner doesn't say to me:

'I feel ugly stroke old stroke daft.'  I always try to tell her at least one of those things isn't true AND rotate it so she doesn't notice. End of.

Now take today for starters.  We didn't leap up to greet the day mainly because it was so dark, we thought it was night time.  THEN, after the alarm had gone onto snoozle function for the nnnnth time, Owner said OH NO I HAD BETTER GET UP. Then, she had an important phone call.

'are you available to go on the local radio?'
'YES.'
and after that folks there is no talking to her about anything. Apart from, whether she looks alright or not.......x
Why, you all shout up to me, is she going to talk on a radio??
Because folks we are nearly up to the release into the wild of our fully illustrated Christmas Story!!
 
There it is!! to be published by our new best friends Austin Macauley (X).......and yes folks, I am ready for every drop of good fortune that comes falling my way.  And my whiskers tell me that this story is a special one.
 
When? you all wonder up, is Owner making her grand entrance onto the local scene.  She awaits this knowledge, nerves aquiver (ooh) and has taken to hoovering with the monster to calm her down.  I Know!  I ran upstairs immediately and Bertie has wedged himself between the sideboard and the filing unit.  Owner didn't know he was there until she spied him and went OH BERTIE!
 
So there will be lots more of YES you look lovely Owner (tea time) and YES you look young stroke slim stroke intelligent in that. (snacks in between meals.x)
 
All of you out there struggling through your week and battling against dark days and so forth must: smooth your fur down, nibble that annoying spot and STOP it, whisker up and cat up!  See you soon, Big Love Wonka X

Tuesday, 17 November 2015

Be Creative Tuesdee

Howdy folks out there on what is, according to Owner YET ANOTHER DARK AND DINGY DAY WONKA.
Personally, I am too happy and snug in my AmaZEN box to notice. x

In other more exciting news, Owner' trip out to visit daughter and grandson went well.  My distant relations, Peggy (NOT Peggy sue) and Luke (NOT cool hand) were alright and so was Tess (dog. I know)' Luke likes to sit atop things - rather like us lot here, and here is an ancient sketch by Owner who has time for all of this:

 
There he is! Owner says she has a new one, but this is our fave. X 
 
When she rolled back home yesterdee and parked up,  (Yes, I watched it all from the safety of the bay window and to the best of, she did not curse anyone. No.x) she says she is shattered.  How come I ask up?  All you have done is drive for a few hours, go out to lunch and be civil and wotnot, then rushed back to see to us..... I admit I whispered all of that from my dark corner as it was smack on tea time.  TOMORROW she droned to me, which is now TODAY folks, 'I am going to be creative!'
 
Is she not working and still burrowed deep in the scrap heap? you all enquire nicely.YES that is true, not one of the three good agencies offering a day's slavery I mean work, have rung her up.  End of.  BUT, the upside is, she can get cracking on our new story.  It is an Egyptian Tale, and she is hard at it, writing and sketching things, with my supervision you understand. x
 
My advice is to all of you out there, wondering what to do with your Tuesdee, is instead of zzzzzzzzzzzzzz OH! or laying around washing your fur and scratching your nest stroke settee - is to BE CREATIVE.  Like me and Owner. x  Until next time, big Love Wonka X

Monday, 16 November 2015

Not again!! Mundee!

How did that happen? moans Owner when she realised it was Mundee all over again.  Personally I love a new week as it is good for us to be on our claws I mean paws I mean pads and toes!X

Owner is off to visit daughter and grandson and did NOT burn the toast this morn.  Why not...I says helpfully, get a toaster Owner??
I MIGHT DO, she says back.  In all her thousands of years in the kitchen she has never thought of investing (good word) in one.
Now I know you are all wondering, did she dream of anything last night? I FORGOT WHERE I HAD PARKED THE CAR WITH NO NAME, she tells me.  is this a portent (OOOH!) I ask up?
Yesterdee, she drove into Kwickly Solve It garage to see if they knew the mystery to the boot which will not open.
NO, says the good mechanic, I CANNOT SOLVE IT and says it may mean a new lock.  This, roughly translated means Owner needs a new car.  End of.X

The next story in the #Wonkastories series is this one folks:

 
There we are! It is Conversations with Wonka part three I do think. X
 
Now Owner is ready to dash off and I can relaxevous. I have already checked on Bertie Bubb (hiss hiss squall hiss upset the whole household hiss.x) and think Ruggles heard me and thought there was a full on cat fight even though Owner reassured him.  I know.  Now do have a fab Mundee whatever it is doing with you, and remember to bristle up your whiskers and cat up!
 
Big Love Wonka X

Sunday, 15 November 2015

Hallo again Sundee

Another dull damp day (ooh! alliteration!) outside.
IT'S GONE WARMER... says Owner flinging open windows and doors.  personally I can stand any amount of cuddling up to the searing hot rads and I know for a fact that Bertie Bubb (aka the dormouse) and Ruggles feel the same. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz OH!

BUT Owner is still mindful (like that word) that all those little creatures that live off other creatures and DO NOT GIVE ANYTHING BACK (parasites do you mean Owner I goes up? YES she says back to me) also like it hot! I have pleaded with Owner not to get the monster back out of the cupboard today as I have searched my Zen box for visitors and found DE RIEN. End of.

On to the next story in our #wonkaseries and blow me down to the bottom of our stairs if it isn't the first version of (sound of trumpets on high) Wonka's Christmas Story!! I couldn't be more proud of this if I tried and I'm not going to.
 
There it is!! do look out for the new illustrated version coming to a bookshop near you OR that one in the sky come November 30th. Published by our new best friends Austin Macauley.(X)
Owner cannot believe it and neither can aged parent who has quizzed her on it all relentlessly PLUS she wants to give away lots of the books to her friends, ten at the last count.  Could they buy them instead Mother, says Owner, hopefully. Yes.x
 
Now last night Owner tried to concentrate on the dancing and Gleb (from Russia with love) and Anita. BUT it didn't work.  Then she tried to concentrate on the singing (some of it was) BUT that failed too and finally I says, how about a spot of Casualtee Owner? that got on Owner's nerve.  Especially Dr Shoo.  she has bullied this poor trainee who has now left.  That and every other Dr or Nursey (except Charlie who is an angel and was nice to Dr Shoo).  Perhaps owner I says up from that dark corner crushed up to the standard lamp, it is you and not them.  Luckily she was too busy moaning at Connie and thingy to hear me.
 
Today we will take it steady zzzzzzzzzzzzOH and I am even now looking forward to the peace that descends (get me) the minute Owner flings off out. I FORGOT TO VOTE she drones to me and I did say it will be all your fault Owner if darling Gleb and Anita don't get to Blackpool. (Only joking!!!x)
 
Have a good day folks, and if you get chance, have a good preen up and wash round.  big Love Wonka X

Saturday, 14 November 2015

To Paris With Love x

Owner says we must drop everything (?) and devote out miniscule blog (?) to Paris.
'It has suffered a terrible attack on it' she tells me up whilst listening to good Radio 2 this morn.
'OH NO' I goes back.
'it has made me feel awful and shocked' she carried on.
'WHAT CAN WE DO?' I whispers back, (near on starving for my breakfast BUT it could wait.x)
'We must show our solidarity Wonka................'

When Owner went to Paris with the Fab Four in 2014 I thought she would never stop going on about it, she loved it that much SHE EVEN said she could live there. (what about me then eh? EH?) and here are some of those happy memories.  And yes, she would go back too.x
 
 
This is called FANTASTIC DAY because, and I quote! it's the trip I dreamed of for so long and now I am on it!! said Owner when she set off - she saw the Eiffel Tower at night all lit up and went up it!!  she saw the Notre Dame and went in it!!  She saw the Louvre and went in it and saw the Mona Lisa!!! Truly truly fantastic.
What a sight!! Owner says it was stunning! we turned the corner Wonka and it was there, a shimmering golden spectacle......OOOHHH!
 

The Notre Dame folks and a place of worship visited by Kings and peasants alike......and finally this............
 
The unforgettable experience (droned Owner to me - but it was smack on breakfast time so I did listen up.x) of seeing the Mona Lisa in the Louvre (what was a palace, yes).
 
So you see folks, why Owner has wanted to devote MY entire and smallish but loveable blog to Paris.  I left a bit of my heart there Wonka. Paris, nous adore!!! X
 
Until tomorrow folks out there on this Satdee, big Love Wonka X


Friday, 13 November 2015

Fridee - a child in need day X

Halloah!! Yes it is that day again although really it is that day every day folks.X  First off, Owner has admitted and owned up to a mistake.   YES!  My dearest Owner has tripped over herself and made the fourth #wonkastory vanish.  Instead she told us that the FIFTH one was the FOURTH.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. OH!  anyhow, this one folks is the real NO 4 in the #wonka stories:
 
There we are!!!  Just twizzle them round folks and you will have them in the right order!  PUT IT DOWN TO BEING TIRED she drones to me. Personally, I cannot see how she is tired with working, looking after us, well me, and the aged parent and so on and so forth. OH and keeping the home clear of pesky Vikings.  End of (love you Uhtred! X)
 
 
Now due to there being NO SHOUTS for any zero hours today I am to be whiskered off to the vets for the second VERY expensive injection.  NO I am not scared. Not much.  But you know what I always tell Owner.  Bristle Up and Face Up.x
 
Bertie Bubb is like a little dormouse says Owner, and Ruggles is an angel cat (according to her not me.no.) Whilst I folks, am a cat to be reckoned with!!  Now do have an enchanting day and eve and maybe watch a little tv to help you along eh.........and I'll be back from the good Vets before you can say Wonka's Christmas Story!! (out Nov 30th!!! XXXX)
Big Love Wonka X
 
 




Thursday, 12 November 2015

A little Thursdee

Howdy Folks and docvedanya, bonsoir and CHOW!

What you all wonder has been going on?  Owner had another shout for work and off she went all dressed up and raring to go.  At least til the top of the street where all the other rarin to go traffic was gathered.  ROADWORKS Wonka, she droned to me, and this of course is the reason why it took Owner hours to cross the street yesterdee.  THERE IS NO SUCH THING, she tells me up, AS A SHORT CUT Wonka.  I mean, I could have advised the same......when I got my latest attack of the sniffles, which Owner tried to fend off with only ONE injection, I knew it would take another visit and another very expensive injection!! End of. X

Here is our fourth in the #Wonkaseries, and introduces beloved Baba to the tales.
 
There we are!! once more, to keep up with me, just go to
www.smashwords.com and find it there.  Conversations with Wonka, part two. X
 
Alongside all these shouts for work, Owner had approx. half a millilitre of sleep. Personally I don't recommend watching The Apprentice before bedtime, or any other horror story for that matter.
 
Tonight, we must cuddle up to Masterchef the quarter finals and watch the continuing transformation of Marcus Scaring into a really nice chef stroke judge.  Now it is Fridee tmro and all for the Children in Need.  Owner has entered a competition to fling herself into the Dine and Disco thingy run by Chris Evans and I did say if you win who will go with you?? AHA! she says back.  this, along with many other things is a mystery. I MAY NOT WIN, she said, yes, I goes back, but you might........
 
Get your best slippers on and settle back in your comfy ZEN box like me, and go square eyed for the night with more of those pesky Vikings and UHTRED (X).  Big Love Wonka X

Wednesday, 11 November 2015

Out of The Blue!

Blow me right down the stairs and back again folks, if Owner hasn't been brought back to life and OUT OF THE SCRAP HEAP......usually, in fact it is a law in our house, if Owner does not set her alarm, and if when she wakes up the first three, four or five times and says to me WONKA, JUST 5 MORE MINS, this more or less guarantees a phone call from the good agency (the first one) to say ARE YOU AVAILABLE??
'Yes' mumbles Owner.
Then folks, does she suddenly start doing three, four and five jobs all at once.  The only thing that trips her up is brushing her teeth (Hallo Dentist! OH I forgot she hasn't got one now.x) because you can't do anything else whilst you are. End of.

HANG ON!! this thing has published itself without me doing anything and this folks is in keeping with the strange mechanics of the universe or is it the moon or mercury - Owner has a few theories on the go. BUT onto the business of the day:
 
There we are! the third book in the #wonkastories is this one, 'Even more Wonka - Golly goes to Heaven.' Find it on www.smashwords.com X
 
Personally, this is one of my faves.  Just saying. X
 
Now in case you are all a bit upside down and how your father, it is ALL written in the stars and will pass. IT BETTER HAD droned Owner, who had to practically throw herself over the street when she had managed to park up.  NO ONE would slow down for me and my shopping she moaned up.  I do know this folks because I watched it all happen from the safety of the bay window.  I cannot though condone (good use of word) what she was shouting at the cars whipping past her.  No. (I forgive you Owner. x)
Now do sharpen up your claws for the day ahead, Jeudi, that is in Frenchy French (Owner sat through a French lesson.  Oui.) and keep those whiskers bristling!  big Love Wonka X
 


Tuesday, 10 November 2015

Fears what fears!

Owner can launch herself into a worry jive faster than a dripping tap and we should know all about that in this house. (and I'm not sorry tap.x)
'What if this and what if that?' she drones to me.
'AND SO WHAT IF IT DOES' I goes back in that annoying and mind numbing counselling way.
'and what if the other........'
After I had asked the billion dollar question (are you going to Europe again Owner and she says no not in the next few weeks anyway just the shops) I says, the only way forward is to dig your claws in and face your purrs I MEAN FEARS.
'What,'  she goes up, 'You mean like being poverty stricken and old and ugly - and my hair not going right.?'
I rest my paws folks and everything.  Secretly, her biggest fear is the release of our Christmas Story.  Personally, I think I can cope with every drop of fame and fortune that pops through the letter box.  End of. X
Now as promised, the next #Wonkastory in the series is this one.
 
There we are! And the poor back door is featured (get me) yet again. x Just go to www.smashwords.com and find it there.
 
In other news, now Owner is on the scrap heap and being ignored by all three zero hours agencies (how could it be......) there is more time for me, I mean us.  Ruggles has been playing with one of my jingly balls.  Bertie has had a change of pilly case and his igloo is moved round. He WAS CRUSHED UP TO THE GAS METER Owner droned to me, as if I care!!! Sorry Bertie!
 
Now all I can advise you folks out there all doing your best and sometimes not, give them all the eyeball and a dazzling smile! Best whiskers and Big love Wonka X


Monday, 9 November 2015

New Week beckons....

Owner has had an idea. 
'How about Wonka,' she drones to me...... 'We do a run down of all the Wonka Stories so far?'
'Is this in preparation (big word but I made it through) for the BIG RELEASE INTO THE WILD on November 30th?' I chirps up.
'YES!' she goes back to me.
Personally, I could talk about them all night all day andzzzzzzzz OH! dropped off for a minute!  The very first #wonkastory on www.smashwords.com was this one:
 
There we are!Back in 2013 that was and I don't look a day older!!
 
 
In other exciting news, Owner says she was up against it on Sundee aft. HOWCOMES I says back all interested as it was smack on my breakfast time.  When I got to the swimming baths, she tells me up, there was ONE magpie trotting about near the car Wonka.  We all know folks that to see only ONE Magpie is fate ridden and you must hang about until you see two.  THEN WHAT Owner I goes, encouragingly (is that a word it is now) - then she tells me, aside from the problem with the boot, on the car with no name - it is refusing outright to open.  it has remained locked for three days now. yes.  Apart from this she tells me, a fly appeared on the dashboard. Not a small fly, but a big fat horrid one.  Owner hates flies and so do I.  If, if I had been in the car I would have leapt on it, but I wasn't there.
'How did you cope Owner?' I says.
'I flung the door open but it did not budge.  Then, it flew to the back of the car.  Then Wonka, I tackled it with the sports section of the Observer.  I got it, and threw it all in the bin outside the shop.
all I can say is, thank you Observer!
What you all wonder up is the third harbinger (I have excelled myself!!)
The kitchen tap is refusing to turn off and is dripping. End of.
 
So today folks out there all at the beginning of the week, it is all to play for! Smooth your fur down and preen up!This could be the week one of your dreams bursts out of its locker and runs off!
Big Love Wonka X


Sunday, 8 November 2015

Lest We Forget x

As per, and on our Remembrance Sundee, Owner always like to pop down a few words about her Great Uncles who were both only teenagers, and who both died in the Great War.  They are Percy Perry (x) and George Smith (x) - George was in Bermuda at the time and Percy was from a small village in Suffolk, called Haverhill.

Just think Wonka, she says to me, they were worlds apart but shared so much in common.  Their photos are propped up on the chest of drawers, and they both stand there in their uniforms looking young and proud.  We love you. x (hankies away!)
 
We all know someone who gave their life in war time, and I am sending even more big love than usual. AND, I noticed, that today when our Queenie lays wreaths at the cenotaph and all the others who are there well there is a special wreath from the RSPCA laid to remember all our beloved pals in the kingdom of all creatures great and small who also played their loyal and brave part in wartime. Now before we all start weeping and cannot stop (especially Owner you know what she is like) I say cheer up as our boys (Percy and George) look full of fun in their photos and would want us to have some too.
 
I am trying to stay wide awake and alert for the special moment at the cenotaph and not drop off zzzzz OH! only joking!! Me and Owner are right here to share with everyone, so from me a special Big Love and Peace, Wonka X

Saturday, 7 November 2015

November November

Howdy up from our tiny rain-soaked isle (poetic or wot?!).  Owner got up at 5 30 am and I could NOT persuade her to stay up and get on with our breakfast.  NO Wonka, she mumbled, and trots back to bed.  BBBBRRRNNNGGG! It always seems like five mins later and the good alarm goes off.  it isn't the alarm's fault I said to Owner from well under the bed.  (which needs a miniscule hoover by the way.BUT not while I'm under it! sorry Monster!)
The first thing we noticed this good November morn was this folks:
 
 
That's November for you I shouts up! Well, I want some sunshine in it, she says back to me.  it is on order and who knows it could turn up too. X
 
Now we are at the weekend which as you know good folks all relaxing and maybe polishing your claws out there, is WALL TO WALL reality tv in this house.  We will be glued to Strictly and our fave GLEB who is a pesky Russian (X) and ANITA who isn't (X).  He is very intelligent but that's not the only reason Owner likes him. Then it is the singing or what passes for it, and we don't have a fave yet.  Only a slight one. THEN there is Casualtee if we can fit it in somewhere and we want to as we love Connie but not Rita. End of.
 
Do enjoy your Satdee out there folks, and get your hankies ready for Down town abbey which is approaching the end.  Owner is already mourning the loss of Dowager, Lady Grantham, as she is as sharp as a sword.  or is it a knife.  AND we've not mentioned beloved UHTRED that pesky Anglo stroke Dane!! (Last Kingdom)(X) We are dedicated it seems to the lot of them! 
Until later, Big Love Wonka X
PS in other news, Rugglesis has a small knot of fur near his tail and will not (no puns please!) let Owner anywhere near it.  Bertie is on a clean pillycase and has been sighted near the water hole.  X

Friday, 6 November 2015

Survivors All!!

Happi Fridee all you good folks out there, juddering to the end of maybe an annoying, irritating, rewarding or downright cold-ridden week! And that's just Owner for you! Only joking........
Now here follows a little cartoon to celebrate getting through, for me, quite a cosy little week, even though there was less food in it!  the good news was Owner did not disappear off to Europe, only to the shops.  Thanks Owner! X
 
There we are!  Rug cuddled up to Radio 2 on our goodly BBC, and seemed to cope with all those nasty BANGS and horrid whistling noises, Bertie may or may not have noticed anything different and me? thanks for asking, I maintained (good use of word) a calm disposition (outdone myself there.TICK) and generally was a soothing presence to Owner.  Except when I wasn't. End of. x
Now Owner, who says she has had an up and down week of it, with several phone calls to set her nerves on edge never mind the fireworks, is looking forward to a quiet day really.  THEN why? I asks up, are you thinking of whipping into town (not Europe.) and visiting Aged parent??  I KNOW. she says back.
 
Soon though folks, we can talk about the biggest celebration for some of us folks that is, of the year. NOT Owner's next hair appt, NOT grandson's pending birfdee BUT Christmas!!! And there are lots of treats in store.....like my very own special advent!  Wonka's Advent will take you all the way up to the day itself and you will love it.  it is MY gift to you folks out there all minding your own business and such like.  And with that cuddly, furry, whisker quivering thought!  See you soon, Big Love Wonka X


Thursday, 5 November 2015

Back to Earth - Remember Remember!

How are you folks out there all battling on with it?  Struggling to make it to Fridee perhaps? Me? thanks for asking!! as right as rain, and that cold thing I had, with the expensive injections and wotnot.....worth every last little penny.  YES Ruggles is still coming out with the odd sneeze and WOOOOSHOOOO but Owner is holding out for if he falls REALLY ILL. and when, I goes up, will you know Owner?
'When he stops eating for England and refuses point blank to get up and do anything,' She says to me.
'OH.' I says back.
Owner still has cold Eric and is wondering if it will ever be gone.

 
There she is!!! in the grip of it. Personally I see it as an excuse to (list) 1.  lay in bed for a long long time 2. not go out when you finally get up. 3.  read all day long when you are awake. 4 and/or (like it) watch loads of stuff on catch up 5. have naps.
 
I will say this for Owner though, however ill she is, she still makes time to feed me my 50% of former catfood, tell Bertie he is not to be afraid to come out of the Narnia cupboard and monitor Rugglesis cold. X
 
Now do have a fab day yo'all!!! Remember it is the dread firework day which NONE OF US animals like.  I have my AmaZEN box and you might want to copy this.  That plus some repetitive music droning in the background.....I have Owner for that! (sorry Owner! only joking!)  Be safe and big Love Wonka X


Wednesday, 4 November 2015

Castles in the Air

Where? you all quiz up is there such a castle?
IN HEIDELBERG shouts Owner........

 
I blame it all on the cold, cold Eric that is, that made Owner a bit sniffy about the castle.  It was alright Wonka, she tells me, but I think I was all castled out.  (sorry castle!!!!).  She went up another little funicular to get to it AND there was an ancient pharmacy AND some gardens planted up by Elizabeth Stuart whose dad was James 1 of jolly England and James the something else of Scotland. Yes.
Personally folks, I'm making it my fave.x
 
Now even though it is chill grey and mournful looking day out side, I am very cheery.  I did have a minute scrappette with Bertie smack on bedtime last night, making Owner shriek down to me WONKA! but we all settled down alright, and I promised not to do it again (until next time.x)
 
So, have a giant breakfast in case your next meal doesn't turn up as planned, and YES Owner is monitoring my troughs of biscuits and NO I haven't lost any weight as yet. And, I can always pinch some of Berties. Love you Bertie!! Ruggles has been sneezing and Owner has warned him against having anything.  As you know it is impossible to get Ruggles anywhere near a cat carrier (unlike me, I walked in.  so does Bertie bubb) as he thinks it is a missile destroyer.  End of.
 
Til next time, be on your whiskers!! Big Love Wonka X

Tuesday, 3 November 2015

Exciting News!!

Guten Tag!!! alo! and (wait for it folks) Zdravstvuyte !!!! to think that a million years ago in the ice age, when Owner was at school, she learnt Russian. 
'Do you recall any of it Owner' I says up.
'Elephant.' she tells me back.  I did look all over the house folks but I could not find it and then I remembered there are two wooden ones on the chest of drawers............
'It's slon.' She says that's what elephant sounds like in Russian, but I went and said it loads of times to the two black ones and nothing happened. They just carried on standing on the chest of drawers by that rather nice plant........... Anyhow, our exciting news!
Wonka's Christmas Story is to be released into the wild on November 30th. OOOOOOHHHHHHH.
 
Me and Owner are very proud and I have insisted that she take some of the credit (for the illustrations which as you know I gave the once over) - but I really am like the cat who got the cream!!
It will be for sale in all our fave bookshops and even in that bookshop in the sky, the very ones who sent me my box and that is AMAZON although Owner thinks it is AMAZEN.  end of. x
 
Fame isn't everything Wonka, she droned to me, I just want people to like it. Personally folks and between me and you, a little drop of fame can curl my whiskers any day of the week! Of course everyone will like it, I goes up, it is the kind of story that everyone wants to read at Christmas time; with a touch of spook, a feline storyline to warm you up, and a sprinkle of Christmas magic to grab your heart. No one will come out the other side without feeling better!  You could be right Wonka, she whispers to me......
 
Back soon! big Love Wonka X
 
 
 


Sunday, 1 November 2015

Like a dream........

The story of Owner's Big Trip folks - across the North Sea, through the Netherlands, Belgium, Luxembourg, France and Germany!
I keep asking up, I say to Owner:
'You're not going to Europe again are you Owner?'
'NO Wonka! Just to the shops.'

Hmmm. I am keeping a beady eye trained on the suitcase. Yes. and this folks, is a little cartoon on it all............


 There she is!!! and she fell in love with Baden Baden and the funicular.  The what? I goes up to Owner.....IT'S A CABLE CAR Thing she tells me up and it whizzes up the side of this mountain.  I had cake at the top she shouts to me all excited.....and those pesky Romans had been there first....they even called it after Mercury the messenger of the gods.  OR Merkurwald ...... and possibly they marched around the Black Forest eating that very cake! Gateau to Go!
Was it your fave Owner, I says up and she admits she fell in love.
BUT, all good things come to an end Wonka.  Yes I says, except the endless supply of photos and wotnot but she didn't hear me above talking to Bertie in his igloo, and Rugglestop on the step.  I mean.

The week ahead is before us folks so brush up your fur and sharpen your claws! and remember to rest up whenever possible! zzzzzzzzzzzz OH! Big love Wonka X

We are up in arms!

Last night folks, yes that Halloween thingy night, Owner was glued to the Strictly dancing and ON THE EDGE waiting for our fave and beloved Gleb Savchenko (he is from Russian Russia and we love him x) and Anita Rani his gorgeous and beauty partner to swirl on.

Did they disappoint?  NO THEY didn't everyone out there thinking what is Wonka going on about on this sunny and calm Sunday the 1st of November (All saints day says Owner to me first thing.  And I do love a saint.  Saint Francis is our bestest.x)

Anita pops out dressed as Maleficent who as all know was the bad fairy in Sleeping Beauty - everyone except Uncle Len on the Judges panel that is,  and as for Silly billy Bruno and even Craig who looked like an over ripe pumpkin he was no better - it was left to Darcy to say HOW FAB IT WAS! Gleb was a Prince to swoon for and Anita span around the floor casting her witchery!  Well we loved it Len so shut up!!
 
They folks are the winners for us, of our hearts and our minds and our whiskers.  X
 
Now Owner, despite wolfing down lots of food and drink, taking lots of tablets and laying around, STILL FEELS ILL. What, I says up, shall you do today?  AS LITTLE AS POSS...she moans back to me.  Well I am more than happi to set the gold standard there zzzzzzzzzzzzzz OH! So from me in this sleepy Sundee hollow, settle your fur down and saints be.  big Love Wonka X