Thursday, 31 July 2014

Long Day Thursdee

Wonka here.  Me?  thanks for asking, I am as fresh as a daisy and ready for just about anything.  Alright, maybe tone that down a bit but why Owner is on about feeling drained and edgy.  What's to do I wondered up?  First up did Bertie Bubbles have another worming yesterdee.  I did say to Owner, OWNER DO YOU HAVE TO DO THAT TODAY (Yesterdee)??  it is on my mind to do it, she goes back.  I ask you, of all the things to do and then does she spend half the night worrying that Bertie has licked the place where the dose was administered (like this good word).  he cannot twist his neck that far I goes.  Did she listen up?  NO.  And if she isn't worrying about that she is on Gull Watch.  Now you all know this my fave job and I cannot tell you how exciting it is when those baby tweeny gulls all bounce up and down along the chimney tops.  NOT SO for Owner.  What if this she goes, and what if that!  I put it down to (list) 1.  Stress 2.  anxiety and 3.  both of them.  I love it.

Fresh and long day para.  yes it has been a long day for Owner who insisted on a long drive to visit Aged parent who is now ensconced (Owner says this is a word) in hospital.  I said I would hold the fort and keep Bertie in check and the minute she returned I told on him.  After a giant tummy tickle, food all round, more food, feeding Ruggles and then attending to the luxury trays I did ask her how the visit went.  IT WAS DRAINING she says.  I mean all it is good folks is popping to the side of a bed and chatting for an hour or so and I cannot see the problem but then I am a good visitor and love a visit!  I have rallied round and even checked tonight's telly and dare not advise that all I can see is games games and more games.  Even good Prince Harry was on our fave breakfast show Radio 2 on about these invictus games.  MORE GAMES goes Owner.  I love it.

More lengthy day para.  now for our good cartoon Owner has insisted yes she has, that me and Bertie are put to shame.  HOW SO you all gasp up.  By uploading a nice photo of the luxury cat scratcher that we have never used.
There it is!  it has been in every room in the house to tempt us to use it.  but not a look in.  We prefer the luxury carpet, Owner's treasured chest of drawers (Golly started it to get Owner up in the morning and it does work!) the linen basket and the old settee.  What you all wonder will happen when the new and best bed settee arrives on Mundee. I am expecting a lot of shouting up.  I love it.
Last long day para.  last night we found Corrie x 1 and as Owner thought, Reetah finally believes Norris and throws Dennis out of the Kabin!!  But, Gail has finished it with Michael our ex offender and icecream vendor in the making.  How I says, can she finish what isn't even started.  I  KNOW says Owner.  Madeh is still in it and resurrected as a character who gets on well with boys so is Simon's best friend now.  His Dad is Peetah who is languishing (Love these new words) in jail for a murder he did not do.  We are loving it.  tonight I am unsure whether to let Owner watch Enders as the storylines are bordering on the silly side.  What with Carol praying, Dot in a fairytale land, and the family in the Vic all rallying round it's dark brood including that strange aunty and Dean.  Can it get any more ridiculous goes Owner who wants Masood to have a bigger part.  Now it is time as you know for me to get on and check for Bertie (upstairs cupboard, ground floor) check for Rug. (had teatime but is calling earlier and earlier for supper) and then there is Gull Watch.  Now tomorrow is a new day for us all out there in the wold possibly having long days like Owner has just done and it is the first of August.  That, says Owner is THE SILLY SEASON.  Now do go steady out there in the Wold wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x              

Wednesday, 30 July 2014

Impatient Wednesdee

Wonka here.  Owner had to help me out for a moment because I pressed something and the writing went funny.  In keeping with this good day Owner goes FOR GOODNESS SAKE and we had to try and figure out what I had pressed in T minus seconds.  any longer would have been too long for Owner who is on SHORT FUSE setting.  Are you a bit stressed I whispered from well behind the living room door but she didn't hear me above cleaning round our luxury tray for the nth time.  It is a sure sign good folks out there possibly anxious and fretting that when Owner is stressed she will go on a cleaning jive.  Not to mention calling other drivers names (you didn't I said when she told me.  I did she goes back, but luckily she sped off in the opposite direction.)  and when she has finished with the cleaning she may go out back and water things  Now that, Owner, is a soothing activity.  We love it.

Fresh get a move on para.  impatience takes many forms.  I mean I belt downstairs of a morning for my breakfast often overtaking a hissing scowling Bertie Bubbles on the way.  BUT, we then wait what seems like a aeon of time for Owner to dish out our fodder.  In between all of this, we have to take it on the chin that Ruggles is third in line.  of course Owner is last up to drink her tea but I never hear her complain not from behind the closed kitchen door anyway.  Today has been fraught though as Owner went to an appt with aged parent who was then whisked off to hospital.  I WAS EXPECTING IT goes Owner when she trolled back in with thankfully supplies for all of us.  As she was chucking down a nice restoring cup of rosy lea, she says she did get a bit impatient and knocked on the door to the room where a team lead was hiding.. I ACCEPTED THE APOLOGY goes Owner and I thought blimey, as if the boot was on the other foot..... this now means a series of visits to hospital which Owner will say herself she is not good at.  And at the same time as the wall to wall games when really we need wall to wall reality shows to take our minds off.   Did I hear the good BAKE OFF is due to return?  with good Mary Berry telling them how and all baking beauty cakes surely Owner can get into this.  Until then our cartoon sums it all up.
There we are! Owner searching for a good film or soap or book or anything!  me on the giant nest aka settee (soon to be replaced by a modern classy smelling all new bed settee...OOOHHH) and Bertie down the side.  It is on even now and Owner says she can cope with the diving.  Men's diving that is.  We love it.
Final it is over yet para.  last night as promised we did tune into Enders to see if Dot is finally to have the wool unpulled from her eyes.  NO.  Instead Carol's scarfe issued an ultimatum.  You tell she goes, or I will.  next thing Carol's scarfe is redundant and instead we are looking at some curly hair.  and Carol is praying.  I would be praying, goes Owner, if my hair looked like that.  it turns out she (Carol without scarfe) is to go under the knife.  it is all hospitals I whispered up.  I KNOW, IT IS TYPICAL says Owner.  it seem that Charlie who may or may not be Dot's grandson has not told Dot anything.  We then tuned into Holby and Jack who is a single minded career consultant woman who has given her babe over to the Dad, has accepted a promotion even though it is Elliot's old job.  The one with the brain tumour who is lovable and cuddly and would not stab anyone in the back.  We love it.  Tonight to take all minds off anything is Corrie x 1.  Nick, faulty in the head Nick is busy with a bit of criminal damage on Michael's Mr Whippy van and Reetah has told Dennis to GO. Norris is in the clear again!  We may stay up til 10pm or we may creep off to bed early in keeping with Owner's impatient mood setting.  Ruggles has been and gobbled some tea down and had his ear inspected.  it is fine.  Now do go steady out there in the Wold folks wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x

Tuesday, 29 July 2014

Try again Tuesdee

Wonka here.  A slight improvement on the sleep front.  Owner has finished Mr Mercedes (Stephen King) and the dark tale has played out to its grand finale.  I AM SURE I piped up, that reading that before you go to sleep goes against all healthy sleep lectures.  YOU ARE PROBABLY RIGHT she says back, and adds this:  there is a new book out in November I cannot wait Wonka!  Oh yes, to go with the dark damp days of November we will have another horror stroke thriller to keep Owner up all night looking under the bed (it is alright though it is just me under there) checking the wardrobe ( Bertie Bubbles in there who can be a bit frightening I admit) and furthermore she says this:  and to cap it all, my most fave author #Marionkeyes who we love a heck of a lot has her new book out then too.  It dunt get better as dear Gregg and John are wont to say in masterchef.  We love it and we love them.

Try again para.  What is all this you shout up?  Owner does like to give in at the drop of a hat.  THAT'S IT she moans up.  or, I'VE HAD ENOUGH!  Honestly you'd think she was entered into a marathon, or one of those impossible tencathlon things where they have to run and swim and bike and jump and throw things to win a medal.  but oh no.  all that is required is a small weekly income to keep us all this side of poverty and financial ruin.  have you, I ventured, finished that application?  NO she admits straight away.  thanks to me, it is now SUBMITTED.  does she feel better?  Do you know Wonka, she says to me once she had pressed SEND, I feel a bit motivated.  The relief folks out there is tremendous.  I mean, me and Bertie deserve our luxury lifestyle and even good Ruggles deserves his daily whiskas.  More than this, has she been contacted on one of those social media sites for some more work.  At this rate we will be on triple rations!  we love it.

Very trying para.  Small weather report.  Still hot, still sweltering though overcast.  I have had to lay still of course and so has Bertie.  but get this!  I noticed Owner was making the bed and immediately laid on it to help.  If nothing else it made her laugh and there is a good cartoon as a result!

There I am!  at the side of the bed enjoying a little zzzzzzzzzz.  those strange things on the carpet are Owner's new and fave flipflops.  she loves them.

final very trying para.  last night Owner's target was 10 pm games or no games and tonight we can watch Enders as a new and fairly interesting storyline has popped up!  At long last, the trickery that dot has been surrounded by may end.  No longer will she be thinking her poor effort of a son (Nick - yes another Nick!!) is dead and gorn.  NO!  and the chappie who says he is an undercover policeman (I mean) and her grandson, well is he about to be....Sprung!!! it takes the pressure of the drug ridden and growing family in the Queen Vic plus Shazzer's hairdo.  She was last seen stocking up the bottles of booze in her little bar which it turns out is just a front for Fil's operations.  I have high hopes this will keep Owner occupied and not going on a giant worrywart.  and then folks out there thinking will she tune into the games, there is Holby city where nice Elliot consultant has had a brain tumour and another doctor is having a baby to one of the other doctors, yes.  if, good folks, all this fails we will certainly tune in to the games and hope it is not more people on tandems spinning round a track.  The Aussies are top of the medals list and we were 6th at the last count.  I have made Owner put it on and there is some nice gymnastics. THAT WILL DO FOR NOW she goes.  Now Ruggles is busy calling three times a day and Tinkers called this morning.  she was offered biscuits in the shed.  We love her. Now do go steady out there in the Wold wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x

Monday, 28 July 2014

Searing hot Mundee

Wonka here.  once again dear folks out there all probably as hot under the collar and saying things like -  my hair goes flat in hot weather (Owner) and I look fat in that (Owner) and finally, those sunglasses leave a red mark on my nose (again Owner) - it is Hot Hot Hot!!  yes another sleepless night and laying there like a beached sardine.  But on no account must we complain.  there have been reports of flash flooding and hailstones in the South East and we do not want that here.  NO.  We love it.

Searing hot para.  of course Owner caved in (no pun intended, as we were watching a film called Cave in or some such.  they were all rescued after swimming miles under water with just a spindly old rope to hold onto, and popping up right next to the rescue shuttle. yes) and watched some of the swimming last night all to do with those relentless commonwealth games.  The Aussies were hammering down the lanes but we did manage a couple of medals.  Good Clare Balding was chatting away and for at least ten minutes Owner was spellbound.  We are going to bed too early I said, and it is no wonder we are awake half way through the night.  I will try my hardest, said Owner to stay up til ten.  Right I goes back.  I mean Bertie Bubbles he doesn't know if it is day or night if you ask me, and me? thanks for asking, nighttime is my daytime.  I love it.

boiling hot para.  Owner said she has had a stressful day and is glad it is nearly over.  First off did she sort out the company that got aged sibling to set up a direct debit for a service he does not need or want.  SORTED, Tick. Second off, she bought two things on impulse and one of them is alright Half a tick.  third off, when she parked up in town did a woman tell her 'parking is suspended!'  Big Tick - Owner says she couldn't have been more surprised if the woman had told her the World had come to a full stop.  A big plus is that Owner did a small shopping and it was all essentials (food and that for us) Big Tick.  For our good cartoon today, Owner has a sketch of me and Bertie Bubbles (I said this was alright as I look especially bonny in it and you can't hardly see Bertie).
There I am over to the right in my amazon box and down the bottom corner is the new monkey toy.  Yes there on the left is Bertie, with a new mousey to his left.  What is that red thing you all say?  that was Golly's Christmas stocking toy which he never ever played with but I did and below that is the blue catnip fish.  We love it.
Final searing hot para.  tonight we have beloved Corrie X 2 and Enders which is not beloved x 1.  In Corrie we have caught up and expect it to centre on Rita and neer do well Dennis.  Norris is not in favour, but will he be right for a change?? leeane is still set on leaving bashed on the head and gone funny Nick for that other chappie whose name escapes us, and Owen and Anna are bankrupt.  this storyline isn't too much of a comfort and I may have to divert Owner's attention, but I'm sure Enders and it's brownies fuelled by drugs and taken to school by one of Beeanchor's brood will do the trick.  If not, shazzer's hairdo will.  Things to report so far are that Owner has started an application form and may finish it.  I THINK I COULD DO THAT JOB she goes.  I mean I think owner can do most jobs and all it is IS CONDFIDENCE I keep telling her.  I am as you know very confident myself.  I'm confident that it is teatime and we will need feeding!! my little joke and luckily Owner did not hear me above checking the whiskas tins and levels of biscuits.  Still enough there to feed the local rspca shelter.  Talking of which, Owner has discovered that if you find any wildlife in distress the rspca tell you to speak to your local vets.  We have two vets, the one which I had to go to once (cat flu. yes) and the other one where good Ruggles was put right.  Talking of which he is due and I must station myself at the bay window to spy him.   Now do go steady out there in the Wold wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x

Sunday, 27 July 2014

Siesta Sundee

Wonka here.  one of my fave philosophies (get me) of life is when in doubt, or trouble, or just one giant failure after another one (sound like you?  this our everyday life folks!!) get some shut eye!!  Sleep dear folks out there all going around with our heads down, thinking why am I not getting anywhere, and where is that success that is happening to everyone else?  well a little bit of zzzzz, a small nap, a little rest from the daily grind will soon have you back to normal and shouting I CAN DO IT.  Well alright perhaps not as fizzed up and raring to go as me but MORE THE TICKET.  I can highly recommend a soothing siesta to calm those worrywarts.  Owner?  thankfully took my advice and we all laid there nice as you like while the Wold got on with it.  We loved it.

Fresh from our siesta para.  Another sultry and sticky night folks with Owner going through every worst case scenario and then inventing some more.  Why not have a cup of tea and a read she says kindly to anyone else she knows NOT SLEEPING.  ?.  That was a poor night Wonka she goes when we all stagger up this good morning.  me? thanks for asking, slept like a dream.  Rugtug was waiting out back for his whiskas and me and Bertie tucked into ours.  We Will have a better day announces Owner.  One thing that is better is that Owner's daughter, my Aunty is coming to look after us all while Owner has her grand reunion with the others making it the Fab Four.  I have told Bertie he will love our Aunty but he was too busy licking up the last morsel of Sheba to hear me.  Owner has already purchased a beach towel for the occasion.  INCASE SHE WANTS TO LAY ON THE BEACH she goes.  You will all worry whether we could afford it or not and the answer is a swift NO.  It is a big soft turquoise blue and green with dolphins towel.  We love it.

More Siestas for all of us para.  yesterdee I mentioned that Owner told a story to the little group of creative people all gathered up to tell their stories and poems and one of them played a guitar.  he played a version of Jimi Hendrix all along the watchtower and Owner reports it was SPOT ON.   Owner's story was a true ghost story set in the old town of Hull and it all happened at the top of chapel lane where it meets with the High street.  Is that near to the Humber river and the quayside I goes?  YES she said back.  The streets are cobbled and some of the buildings are so old they are falling down a bit.  it is Owner's fave bit of Hull and has lots of history.  Henry the eighth had a fort there too and Owner thinks there was a palace opposite St Mary's church lowgate.  Blimey I said.  so for today's good photoshoot is the side of St Mary's church.  And this goes Owner, is where she had her ghostly experience.

There it is!  Owner was going up this lane to the left when the timeshift happened and she was in another century!  she thinks it was the 18th or early 19th.  and something murderous was just around the corner.....What was it I prompted? (get me)  I felt it was a coach travelling out of the High Street and thundering along the cobbles but under attack!  it was a vivid and intense experience and Owner and her friend legged it in the opposite direction!  Haunted Hull has many instances of ghostly apparitions says Owner and they are all around this area.  She loves it.
Final non ghostly para.  As you know there is still nothing on except the commonwealth games and people going Glasgow this and Glasgow that.  Owner has lived there and knows it is an alright place to be but thinks it is all a bit over the top.  I am watching this she goes.  time and time again have I said what is this film we are watching and it is always on Channel five with a storyline Bertie could have written.  Instead we are on Movie Mix and all are trapped down a mine.  There is lots of 'I am in charge here' and 'I know these people they are my brothers' and ' I know this mine and I am going to rescue all!'  Owner says it will do us for now and while she makes our tea.   One of the trapped miners is making jokes and talking about doing the shopping and he may as well have I AM A DEAD CHARACTER on his forehead goes Owner.  I am more positive and say it will be the one who cannot breath right now is the one to go first.  We may be forced to watch another film tonight as somehow we got through the funny film with Steve Coogan and Owner hardly laughed once.  that may not have been down to the film I ventured.  I PREFER Simon Pegg she goes.  We did like Wold's End and can highly recommend it.  So another week ahead, with more games in it (I checked.  sorry Owner)  In the meantime they are still drilling down to the mine and saying 'I should have listened to you...'  oh there is a grandson down the mine to tug our heartstrings.  time to check on Ruggles!  Do go steady out there in the Wold wherever you are in it, and let us all have a fine week ahead.  Big Love Wonka x

Saturday, 26 July 2014

Last Straw Satdee

Wonka here.  we woke up due to a banging noise out back.  WHAT WAS THAT goes Owner? I mean, it defo wasn't me and to my surprise (and Owner's) it wasn't Bertie Bubbles either.  NO because we were nicely on the bed in our proper stations.  it turns out (we think) to be the former nice neighbour out back.  Well they are not nice if they are going to be banging and noisy at 7 30 on a Satdee morning goes Owner.  so we all got up and got on with it.  At this point dear folks out there, all wondering and such, Owner was STILL ALRIGHT.  I love it.

Last straw para.   The morning passed nicely with Owner doing this and doing that and even looking ahead to holidays (that means worrying about me and Bertie and Ruggles) and doing some sums. (not good.)  To cheer us up first thing Tinkers was out back and Ruggles was too.  they like each other!  That is a first for Ruggles, who even hissed at Owner this morning by accident.  THAT SAYS ALL she moans.  The thing is though, it did seem to pave the way for a fraught yes fraught day.  Last night you all chirp up and want to know?  She loved it.  it was all very cultured and creative and she will go again.  She even read a story out!  What story you all say back.  One you haven't heard of.  Owner says was a ghost story that happened to her a million years ago in the good city of Hull.  OOER.   But that was last night and this is today.  Off she goes on her rounds and thankfully, I got some much needed zzzzzzzzz on the luxury carpet in a sunny spot.  And that good folks is our photoshoot:

There I am!!  we have another of Bertie Bubbles under the table but I said what about me and owner said oh alright then.  Now to my left is the carrier bag with lots more toys in.  behind that is my fave Buddhism book with lots of calming pictures in and just near my foot is an old yellow mousey.  and that dangling thing over to the right is the newest monkey toy!  Of course just by me is the delux toy that any cat would be glad of.  it was my Christmas Present and Sebe has one too.  I love it.
Final final straw para.  I noticed Owner was on last straw setting.  it turns out aged sibling has been talked into setting up a direct debit with a strange company for a service he does not need.  This good folks has overtaken the complaint Owner was making about the nuisance calls.  Due to her terrier like nature (oh yes!) these have stopped.  Now, she has a new task and a new company to complain to.  To top it off she had to do the double whammy and visit aged parent.  No wonder Owner is muttering things like THAT'S IT and WHAT NEXT etc.  Naturally I have been my usual cheery self saying things like Bertie did that! and I'm starving! and I thought you were never coming home!  This didn't work, so I have busied myself checking tonight's tv.  I may or may not warn Owner that it is wall to wall commonwealth games.  Even aged parent has the 24 news on in preference to the games.  No what is needed is a good strong film and we do have a nice selection building up.  There is LAST VEGAS, there is The Bucket List (although this could remind Owner of THE END RUN which is not cheery)  or there is the 'comedy of the year' Alpha Papa with Alan Partridge.  it says this is 'excruciatingly funny'.  If Steve Coogan cannot make Owner laugh I rest my paws and everything.  Tomorrow good folks will be a brighter and better day and if it isn't I'll be in the back of the wardrobe with Bertie!!  Do go steady out there in the Wold folks wherever you are in it.  The weekend is here and if you are having a final straw day hold on for tomorrow like us.  big Love Wonka x

Friday, 25 July 2014

~Be brave Fridee

Wonka here.  early night early to rise makes a man healthy wealthy and wise, says Owner out of the blue and as they say in cultured circles (ooer get me) apropos of nothing.  And we all know that in Frenchie France nothing = de rien!!  What about women then I chirps up?  it means us too, she goes back.  Well I haven't noticed the wealthy bit as yet, and our ever decreasing finances folks are a worry wart to me.  But listen up to this, Owner dreamt of a beautiful garden full of daffodils and other bright flowers.  I knew in the dream, she reports, that is was a different time of year and not summer.  It was a powerful and promising dream and we love it,

Brave para.  What is this brave business you all say wide awake and raring to go?  It is the day for taking ourselves off to new places and doing new things.  Owner is working up to GOING OUT.  This means a lot of hard work in between with me saying things like (list). 1.  I prefer the blue one 2. Leave it how it is (hair) 3. will you be able to walk in them?  and Owner will spread about 20 different tops on the bed and end up in the first one having got it back out of the wash.  We love it.

More brave things para.  Every day I have been on tenterhooks waiting for the baby seagulls stroke tweenies to come out of the chimney tops.  The Daddy and Mummy gulls have been tooting and honking and encouraging this big event to happen.  And it has happened!!  One of the babies has braved it onto the rooftop.  it is hopping and skipping up and down and we did think is there just one of them, but NO, I have glimpsed the less brave baby gull still cuddling up to a chimney.  In honour of this event which really is one of my highlights in the good year, Owner has kindly done a cartoon.
There it is!!  Mum or Dad Seagull on the chimney top and that little tweeny baby gull huddling up in between.  Up above those swallows are dancing in the sky and Owner says it is how she knows Summer is really here when she hears them.  They have a merry little chant and there is a saying (trust Owner to know it) that goes in AUGUST AWAY WE MUST and that good folks out there all scratching your heads, is a little poem about the swallows.  They get here in June and obviously I do like to see them up there in the blue.  Just too far for me to reach out with my paw!  We love them.
Fresh brave as you like para.  now due to it being so warm I have had to take extra zzzzzzzzzz on one of my giant nests aka Owner's bed.  She has kindly provided a lilac pillycase for me to sprawl on and Bertie has one too.  he has been on the first floor of Owner's upstairs cupboard.  good Ruggles was waiting in the backyard for his breakfast and is now chomping down the Whiskas in tins.  this is a giant saving for Owner if not a heavier purchase to lug home.  you know if I could help I would but for now I am content to knock off the orange plastic lid and plunge my paw into the jelly because I love it.  a little scrap of news for you about our neighbours out back.  Not to the right, no, although we spied paint tins and such like going in there.  HOPE WE GET DECENT NEIGHBOURS moans up Owner and we have prayed on this like mad.  No the other new neighbour has been hanging out washing and Owner commented on how nicely he had pegged it out.  in stark comparison to you do you mean I challenged from well behind the living room door so she may not have heard me..  He is living in the house to the back of us and we have watched it being done up.  it has had everything done to it again in stark comparison to ours.  Even the shed is nicer goes Owner to me.  From what I recall in my days of darting about outside our luxury shed is fine.  it even smells like a good shed should.  Owner says we can use that last sentence as a tongue twister if we get fed up.  We love it.
Final big brave para.  missing Corrie x 2 is a big deal for Owner but I have promised we can watch it Satdee.  Enders is not a problem as you know that can be caught up with a year later and Carol's scarf will still have a star part along with Beeanchor and her little family.  Denise is supporting Patrik and his stroke and even Masood popped to visit.  He is our fave.   Shazzer is still a bit wonky and needs a serious makeover plus that gun in her top drawer is being found by all in the square.  (Owner says there is a joke there about rifling through her drawers but I am not making it.  poor taste I said back.  It is a twist on words she continued.  No excuse I countered.  all this going out is making her giddy.)In Corrie though Steve's best mate is no longer in luv with thingy who has been deceiving her husband for 20 years.  Blimey.  The games?  That is still on and on and on whether we like it or not.  Owner did not say anything about what if I miss the games and I have not reminded her as I want her to go out and enjoy herself.  I will of course keep you posted on that.  Now do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  Big love Wonka x

Thursday, 24 July 2014

Gold medal Thursdee

Wonka here.  It is sultry hot and Owner reports a bumper crop of tomatoes that her dear departed Dad and his Dad before him would be proud of.   I HAVE NEVER DONE SO WELL she says.  Well I wouldn't know because as you know good folks out there all roaming round your gardens and allotments and such like, I do not venture out.  Bertie bubbles pops out, sniffs round the back yard and shuffles off to the top of the alleyway (in corrie they have another name for it that we have never heard like ginnel.  ??) and then rushes back to his lair in the dining room.  Ruggles might have noticed the tomato plant as it is near to the luxury shed.  I said it is growing so well due to the tomato food.  I only wish, goes Owner, the new Rose Bush was responding too.  She has fed this with some unspeakable mix of a brown ash like substance that proclaims it is plant food.   No wonder I said, the rose has gone a funny mottled colour.  We love it.

Fresh gold medal para.  Owner happened to turn on the tv and guess what was on, that's right!!! the games.  and we watched as two tandem bikes span round a track and England won a gold medal.  No matter how we try we cannot quite rustle up the same excitement as watching beloved Novak, beloved Ronnie, or the Weasle, or Neymar.  it is not the same.  but last night, as Owner painted the walls x 2, we did have the opening ceremony on and were amazed by John Barrowman in his tartan suit.  he ended up on top of a big crane thing singing his heart out.  But the real scene stealer was the Queen and Prince Phil.  At 88 she is a marvel.  We love her.

Fresh it's a gold para.  today's good cartoon is for all you good folks out there pondering and thinking where is this place?  Owner has put it on the map!
There it is!  and apologies to the rest of the United Kingdom that we missed out (northern Ireland).  Will they mind I spoke up?  Not now I have said sorry goes Owner.  It should be just a little bit over to the left across the good Irish Sea.  Bonny Scotland is at the top of England and used to be divided by a wall.  some of it is still there and was started off by Hadrian a good Roman says Owner.  It just goes to show, we have been joined with this lot, joined with that, battles here and battles there and still we are alright.  I mean you know I am still afraid of those pesky Vikings setting down on North Bay and spending a marauding day at the sea side.  We love it.
Final games off para.  tonight Owner needs a feelgood film she says after a relentless day with aged parent.  It wasn't all day I pointed out helpfully when she trolls back in at one ish.  IT FELT LIKE IT she moans back.  It turns out more work is needed to keep aged parent  on the right side of quality living, and more appointments are afoot (no pun intended!).  Luckily she fitted in a trip to the shops and brought back a good supply of essentials eg catfood, cat biscuits, cat treats and luxury litter.  That's the ticket I went, sprawling out in the sunshine on the sideboard while she unpacks it.  Me and Bertie have been fairly good and maybe it is the heat but he has hardly hissed or swiped at me.  Ruggles is back on tinned Whiskas which is helpful to Owner's budget and our financial straits.  I have checked the two walls for patchy painting and note a vast improvement.  There were only a couple of times when I wanted to go up the wooden step ladders that usually sit outside. but Owner stopped me.  NO! she shouted up.  I did say to her are they still steady Owner as they look a bit lopsided but she was busy saying a prayer to the painting god and may not have heard me.  If Philip Petit or whatever his good name is can balance on a tiny bit of wire I can manage on this small piece of wood.  She loves it.  Now do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  big Love Wonka x

Wednesday, 23 July 2014

Commonwealth Games Wednesdee

Wonka here.  Whether Owner watches them or not, they are here.  They are in Glasgow which is in sconny botland for all you good folks out there scratching your heads and saying 'where is Glasgow?'  Good Ken Bruce from Radio 2 is up there doing his programme live and Owner says I LIKE THAT PART OF IT.  But Owner, I goes, the Games have not officially been started as yet.  I KNOW she goes back.  We read somewhere that the Queen is hoofing it up there to cut the ribbon or shout through a speaker or some such to announce they are to begin.  Owner has hatched a plan for this.  I have decided she shouts up, to paint the living room whilst it is on,  needless to say good folks this means I can look forward to lots of newspaper to play with on the luxury carpet.  Paint tins that I MUST NOT GO NEAR, and Owner getting all hot and bothered.  I love it.

The games are to start para.  We all woke up late and very hot with Owner saying why is it so hot even with the window open.  BUT, when she pulled back the heavy old curtain it was tight shut.  NO WONDER WE ARE BAKING HOT she says.  why was it shut good folks when as that latest nice song is going, the temperature is rising??  Up we all got though and Ruggles was there for his breakfast.  he is now on those trays of pretend chick in jelly and fairly wolfing it down.  His ear?  healing like a dream.  Me?  thanks for asking, well I did check on Bertie once whilst he was in the tray and he immediately went on guard.  he jumped in the bath to escape but as I said to Owner, I wasn't doing anything!!  We love it.

Fun and games para.  Today Owner is to strike off to aged sibling and that will be more than enough for me Wonka she declares (like this word as it reminds me of choc eclaires).  Will you be going via any shops I ventured? (get me)  Just to get some paint brushes she says.  I can only hope good folks out there she doesn't return with a non essential item costing us the fortune we don't have!  I WON'T BRING BACK A SETTEE she jokes back.  No, because you got that yesterdee I whispered back from well behind the door.  So today's good cartoon must dwell on Owner's shopping habits.
There we are!  do you recall Elly watering can?  did not need her.  New books?  already had some?  DVDs?  I am thinking of making this an essential due to the surfeit (blimey) of sport though..... and the Settee you all chirp up?  Owner says this IS an essential because the other one is old and worn.  yes I could have said something back to Owner then but managed not to.  I love it.
Final game on para.  Owner returned with plenty of catfood TICK, a small gift for one of the fab four when they have their next reunion - I have allowed a small TICK for this as it could count as essential gift buying.  ~tissues for aged parent TICK big bag of toffeepopcorn and chocolate GIANT TICK if we are to survive hours of people running jumping swimming biking boxing throwing things etc.  Owner said just about survived aged sibling's visit and only had to take two phone calls to do with it.  How is she coping you all chirp up with your mouths open.  I LOOK AFTER OWNER and make sure she is kept busy with no time to dwell.  I mean first off there is me and Bertie plus Ruggles to see to and NOW we have a visitor on the way, the house must be summer cleaned within an inch of itself.  And tonight, Owner is preparing to repaint the living room walls.  The first attempt if I may say so, was patchy.  PARDON goes Owner when I pointed this out before...of course I did repeat it from behind the door so she may not have heard me.  I had to wait until she noticed it herself.  WONKA she goes, does that look patchy to you???  A tad, I goes back.  She loves me.
Real final games or no games para.  Tonight then, there will be games droning on in the background and we will report up if we get hooked.  Good Corrie is on so we can catch up with the closure of wetherfield library and Emily's sit in, with Rita and conniving Dennis and see how innocent as the day is long (of murder) Peetah is.  We will not, according to Owner be spending anytime on death row with good Trevor Mcdonald where's your trewsers.  We love him.  One final updating point.  You will all be clinging to the edge of your seats about the complaint Owner made about the nuisance calls.  She is still sorting it out and hasn't gone funny as yet.  There is no one who isn't aware of it.  I have emailed TPS, OFFCOM and anyone else I can think of she goes.  Do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  Big love Wonka x

Tuesday, 22 July 2014

Birthday Boy Tuesdee!

Wonka here!  yes it is one year on from the birth of that little princeling and straightaway here is our little cartoon to celebrate:
There we are!  that is William and Kate plus the little prince next to a scrumptious cake.  Oh and lots of butterflies as this is what George went to see at the natural history museum, a butterfly park!  Owner has been in a butterfly greenhouse thing and says it was one of her fave experiences ever.  And over to the left is a small stack of his pressies plus a Bull!!  me and Owner are watching from afar whilst Bertie watches out for his next plate of sheba.  We love it! x
Fresh birthday para.  Owner says it is marvellous to have some good news at last.  I'm sure all you good folks around the Wold agree there is overmuch worrywarting and upsetting news to relate so we are GLAD (me and Owner at least never mind Bertie Buttons) to concentrate on this little boy.  he has a long road ahead of him goes Owner.  Yes, I knew Buck palace had a bit of a drive going on..... Other news you all shout up and want to know.  There is some very big news and it is this.  One of the Fab Four friends is to visit.  it is Sebe's Owner and we are already on a giant excitement setting.  it will be after Owner's little jaunt down to Plymouth and sandwiched inbetween another breakaway in September.  As you might know Owner has already launched a PREPARING THE HOUSE for guests master plan.  Does it involve spending £s you all chirp up? Good folks, they have been spent as I write this.  And you cannot guess what on.  No that is not it.  When it gets here in 2 weeks time Owner says we will all love it.
Cannot hold back with a secret para.    When Owner fell back in after a fraught visit to aged parent.  MONEY FOR OLD ROPE she was saying about a particular service that is busy failing said parent.  I did enquire from under the bed who was in for it but she didn't hear me above measuring in the postage stamp we like to call the living room.  IT WILL JUST FIT she shouted up the stairs to me.  A scratching post?  A new amazon box?  One of those two story cat houses with toys attached?  I AM GOING BACK TO BUY IT she carried on.  turns out good folks on the edge of your seat it is a new two seater bed settee.  In oatmeal.  that goes with everything she said.  Oh and two nice cushions thrown in.  IT HAS A SPRUNG PULL OUT MATTRESS Wonka, she kept on.  When she told me the price I did say it wanted to have a semi detached house to go with it but she didn't hear me above flinging out to buy it.  IN CASE ANYONE ELSE LIKES IT.  No one, I whispered to Bertie, will be buying that bed settee ahead of Owner.  Not at that price.  He loved it.
Final push the boat out para.   To round off this expansive and expensive but well worth it day, when Owner trolled back in with yet more shopping (essentials she said) she tells me I BUMPED INTO that nice school admin lady. yes and whatsmore, she had some positive feedback.  it turns out her little gift to the headmistress was very much appreciated and admired.  (It was a super dooper cartoon of the school turned into little cards.)  I AM PROUD I said, even though I was not in the cartoon I still liked it.  That, plus the good new settee has made Owner's day really.  me?  thanks for asking, I have been keeping an eye on that baby seagull still in the chimney tops, peeking at Bertie in the Narnia cupboard a couple of times and getting plenty of zzzzzzzzz.  it has been hot in the night and hot in the day and we mustn't complain.  Tonight is the last normal night before the games.  Owner has not decided yet if she will support.  Until then it is Enders and Patrik has fallen down in the square.  As his face has gone funny and twisted our money is on a pretend stroke.  Another one of the Carter family has taken up behind the bar and giving out doom ridden warnings to anyone who likes one of the brood.  RIDICULOUS goes Owner, who notes that Shazzer's hair has been brushed and Masood has been sighted too.  Then it's onwards with Holby City and goodness knows what will happen with those conniving docs and nurseys.  So good folks, do take a leaf out of Owner's book and consider changing up your ancient sofabed for one that just about will fit in the living room as long as you don't want to close the door or do a moonwalk.  We love it.  Do go steady out there in the Wold wherever you are in it.  big love Wonka x

Monday, 21 July 2014

Big bold Mundee

Wonka here.  Howdy good folks out there doing things and having a half decent Mundee, bonjour, chow and hows your father.  Now we had a good night's sleep with just one excursion downstairs.  You will all be wondering if Owner has had any good dreams lately and here it is.  Yes.  First off she dreamt she was viewing a ground floor flat.  When she got inside it was more along the proportions (ooh) of a cathedral stoke warehouse.  But it was alright Wonka she said.  Then she dreamt of some medicine that was yellow.  This folks is also a good sign.  it means relief from worry.  I can hear all your gasps of relief from here!  I love it.

Fresh big and bold para.  What is this all about, this big and bold?  Owner said she is starting this week off on this basis.  OH I says back, and did ask it this means double helpings for me and Bertie?  it means, said Owner, that anything is possible if you put your heart and soul into it.  So it does mean double helpings!  The fact that it continues to be hot and sunny is keeping Owner on this confident setting and you will recall she is not at work and sposed to be taking it steady?  NOT A BIT OF IT.  Every time I went to lay down somewhere Owner was washing, polishing or......going at it with the monster!  so today's cartoon is to show you what I mean:
There we are!!  the secret of relaxing as far as Owner is concerned means doing as many jobs as possible.  I am laying down for a bit of zzzzzzz and Bertie is on the lookout for one of his cupboard hideaways.  when Owner is on a cleaning jive there is no hiding place!  She loves it.
Next big and bold para.   something else is growing at a speedy rate and that is the tomato plant out back.   Owner reports the start of the tomatoes and thinks we will have a bumper crop.  that's an improvement I remarked (get me) on the strawbs.  I KNOW she said back.  We only had about 5 of them and think all the snails and wotnot had the rest.  In keeping with Owner's live and let live policy, (a bit like our peace process within,  works sometimes and others not!) the back yard is alive with every creature moving.  I didn't know, said Owner, that Snails could get that high (on top of the bin).  I must say they are all on double helpings too on the outside.  Bertie would have treble helpings if he could.  Me?  I know when to stop. I love it.
Final think big para.  Owner has noted that following the tennis and the footie, there was golf (A chappie called rory won that) formula one (don't know who won that) and now there is the commonwealth games.  Owner has checked the tv and says after Wednesdee we are faced with the prospect of following the games or going to bed at 7pm.  I elected to follow the games as really I get plenty of zzzzzzzzzz in the daytime and night time is when I get going.  WE'LL SEE she says.  Now tonight there is double Corrie, and Team Tracy is divided!  Tracee is speaking up for her Bruv, Peetah and Mum Diedree.  Murdering and lying Rob is walking a dangerous tightrope says Owner.  And as for Rita she has fallen under that Dennis's spell and upset Norris.  Owner is reluctant to mention Maduh so she won't.  Yes, Enders is on and we have lost the plot there.  The Carters must all be on their hols and Shazzer is on tablets (not before time goes Owner and can she at least have her hair done).  We will try to get through it somehow.  I am going to leave you with this thought.  Once more Owner is invited to go to an art fest thing on Fridee.  SHALL I GO Wonka she goes to me.  This question is laden, yes laden (like that word) with strife.  it means what shall she wear, will her hair go right and what shall she do when she gets there.  As it is only Mundee we are in with a shout.  Now I must dash as Ruggles may be sprawled out on the good back door step.  Do go steady out there in the Wold wherever you are in it.  Big love Wonka x

Sunday, 20 July 2014

Sultry Sundee

Wonka here.  It was hot, it was noisy courtesy of the seagulls and those babies nestling in the chimney tops. oh and then there was a thundery storm.  When did all this happen you folks want to know.  At 3 am that's when.  Owner reports has never heard such a racket from the gulls.  Honking and tooting and chirruping (the tweeny babies).   This means we are all tired and I have had to catch up on my zzzzzzzzzz.  Bertie bobbins did not notice any storms or gulls and is only concerned with the level of food on his plate or how many biscuits are left in the saucers.  me?  thanks for asking, I am not overly (like it) bothered by thunder or lightning but I can be startled by sudden noises.  Like when then postie knocks on the door as if we are all deaf, or quite hard of hearing, or down the bottom of the garden we don't have.  We love it.

Very humid para.  If we could open a window on it we would!  now today Owner has been too tired to worry much about anything, or make lists.  She has not made any fresh complaints either.  The one about the nuisance calls has received more attention and a demand for feedback.  HANG ON, goes Owner, now I have to rate the response to a complaint I shouldn't have to be making!!  Put like that I said back, I wonder what your rating will be?  It all depends, she goes back to me, if on Mundee, those calls resume.  OH I finished off with.  otherwise we have all pottered through this sultry Sundee, with good Ruggles popping for breakfast and I am happy to report we all got on (the door was closed that's why!).  We love him.

Super doopah sultry para.  It will be a funny week ahead said Owner, as the schools have broken up and I am sort of on holiday.  she did mention another breakaway good folks out there and I heard the word Plymouth this time.  Like me you will all be going, 'hasn't she just had a little trip out??'  this time though, it is a gathering of the Fab Four which is Owner plus her three oldest and bestest friends who went to Paris in January.  They are to plot and plan another rendezvous abroad, and Owner wants it to be Rome.  Is that in Italy I ventured?  YES, BENE!  we're not sure if this is Italian but give it time.  So there is plenty of time to get (list) 1.  a new chic wardrobe 2.  a chic hairdo 3.  learn some of the lingo.  Now for our good cartoon today Owner has suggested this one:
There we are!  it is our cousin Sebe again, and this time last week Owner said cherio to him and I am still not jealous.  Not a bit of it.  No.  Bertie does not realise there is a distant cousin in Portsmouth so cannot be jealous either.  We love it.
Final pretty sultry para.  Last night we reported there was nothing on.  Owner managed to watch 5 mins of crack the safe wide open or some such name before caving in.  I CANNOT WATCH IT.  Personally, I like it as good Nick Knows everything is one of my fave games hosts.  he pops up on another show all about fixing your house up when all else has failed.  AND I'M NOT WATCHING A CONCERT in Edinburgh either she continued to shout up.  I must admit the few seconds it was on the screen for it looked like one of those freezing sea fret things we get here.  it looked grey and chill.  so that left one option.  Read a book.  Is it good Owner I enquired from the foot of the stairs.  IT IS A BIT DARK she said from the top of the stairs and she didn't mean the landing either.  If you must read Stephen King I said from well behind the living room door, you will expect full on horror and such.  Now tonight, it is much the same.  Nothing on.  No Casualtee, no sundee night drama (aside from me and Bertie!) just your usual out in the country and didn't know it was worth all of that anitquey show.  Now I shall be busy on Seagull, Ruggles, Tinkers and Bertie watch and haven't time to say WHAT'S ON.  A nice early night will do you the Wold of good I says and prepare us for another full on week.  There are games afoot in Glasgow and Aged parent's foot to see to here. Now do go steady out there in the Wold good folks out there wherever you are in it and let us all have a fruitful week ahead.  big Love Wonka x

Saturday, 19 July 2014

Summer Fayre Satdee

Wonka here.  Strange but true, whilst Owner went on a giant worry wart that lasted past midnight and involved putting lights on, jotting things down on a calendar (we have about ten or more of these) and biting her pen, me and Bertie settled down nicely.  Thank goodness goes Owner, you two are not scrapping.  As you all know it is not me it is Bertie that starts it but I was pleased anyway.  ARE YOU ALRIGHT Owner I says.  I feel better, she goes, now I've made a list.  This is called organising thoughts good folks out there all wondering why we need to make lists in the middle of the ni hi hight.  In this house, we do and we love it.

Fresh summery para.  What with all this admin in the early hours did we all zzzzzzzzzzzz til gone 8 o clock.  And guess who was waiting out back, yes Rugglesis.  And this is where it all fell down, our little peace process.  Yes it looked like we were best chums UNTIL Bertie sat in the doorway to the dining room whilst I was in the kitchen and lashed out at me! A small scrap ensued (nice use of word) and we both got told off.  I Mean!  and blow me down if I didn't try and pop into the kitchen to sniff Rugglesis tail or what there is of it and get whisked out.  and then I did let a small hiss out by accident and got told off again.  And that good folks was our breakfast scenario!  Yes Tinkers was sighted a bit later on and is now scoffing biscuits in the luxury shed.  We love it.

Fresh Summer Fayre update para.  we have a nice photoshoot of something Owner would not mind seeing at a Summer Fayre.  As it goes, this was a present from her friend in Portsmouth (Sebe's good Owner) and it is homemade.
There it is!  and Owner is already lashing into it saying things like 'you can't get this in the shops Wonka' and 'mmmmm' and 'what a lovely jar and lid'.  She loves it.
Final summer Fayre para.  Have you all guessed it out there possibly going along to little fayres and buying things?  it was rained off and was inside.  YOU CANNOT HAVE A FAYRE INSIDE moaned Owner when she fell back in later on.  According to Owner, the entire home was crammed into the dining room all chomping the spread on the table.  it was hot, it was noisy and the music man was playing red red wine.  Aged parent wisely stayed in her room.  For once Wonka, reports Owner, I am not sorry to miss it.  So I didn't have to hide under the bed at all!  And instead I got made a big fuss off!  Bertie bubbles got another reprimand (OOH) for gobbling up my tea plus his own.  So all's well really.  There is plenty of time Owner, I goes, for another Summer Fayre outside.  I KNOW she said back.  We love it.
Real Final too long at the Fayre para.   Last night we loved Celebrity Masterchef and they all stepped up to the plate.  Our fave won it though, good Sophie. Owner said Gregg and John would make her the winner because she GREW IN CONFIDENCE.  We won't forget Wayne either, and think a little show with him and Mr Biggins in it would fetch a large audience.  Tonight there is nothing on.  No footie, no tennis, and no Casualtee.  Instead there is some concert in Edinburgh.   I'm not watching that says Owner.  We do have a dvd in waiting though, and it is called LAS VEGAS.  It says it is Hollywood legends at their comic best' and could live up to this even.  It can't be worse says Owner than that silly breaking the Safe quiz show with Nick Nowles.  Or I said that new sport thing.  I did wonder why we were watching it but Owner said we cannot under any circumstances watch you are being framed.  OH I  said back.  Now do go steady out there in the Wold wherever you are in it.  big love Wonka x

Friday, 18 July 2014

Inspiring Fridee

Wonka here.  first off it is the first, yes the first time since the death of our best Nelson Mandela that it is International Nelson Mandela Day.  what would he want us to do on this good day you all ask yourselves all over the Wold? Owner says this:   Inspire others?  YES.  Help others to love and help each other? YES  Understand that to be free means the freedom of all.  YES.   And here is my little contribution good folks out there all on the edge of your seats.   I must try harder with Bertie Buttons.  Meaning, says Owner, not poking your head in the Narnia cupboard causing him to hiss and growl and possible fight you back out of it.  I have promised to try but have already had a little peak in.  It was alright though he was fast asleep.  I love it.

Fresh inspirational para.  to celebrate this good day, Owner has insisted on a little cartoon of me and Bertie looking like we get on.  And it is also to show the wonderful toys that came our way via Sebe who lives in Portsmouth in luxury surroundings.  (he is the only one).  here it is then:
Here we are! I am sleeping like the angel I am in my amazon box and Bertie has crept up nearby too busy looking at my oops I mean OUR toys to notice I am that close.  there is the monkey stroke lion thing it is on a stick and can bounce around until I capture it.  Next to Bertie are the three stringy mice with big feathers.  We love them.
More inspiring Friday Para.  It started off nice and sunny and hot and Owner notes has gone overcast.  THEY SAID IT WOULD she goes.  OH I says back.  so far today, this has happened.  (list) 1.  not overly inspiring but on the other hand there is a lesson there notes Owner.  She has lost her tweezers down the radiator.  I LOVED THOSE Tweezers she kept saying.  BUT.  The upside to this good folks all imagining what Owner went through to recover the tweezers which was quite simply cleaning the bathroom from top to bottom(there is always an upside)..yes the upside is that she has two more tweezers not in use.  I suppose I will manage she said.  Me?  thanks for asking, trying to get some shut eye because it was a very hot night even with the window opened.  I even stayed in my amazon box whilst Rug trots in for his breakfast.  How is his ear you all chirp up and enquire?  healing up nicely thanks to his healing powers and possibly St Francis overseeing it all.  all that plus having at least three slap up meals a day.  I love him.
Nearly final inspiring para.  the other things to clasp onto for Owner are 2.  her hair has finally gone right.  this happened overnight without any known interference by her or any hair product.  I am thankful for this and even wonder if Bertie sat on it in the night.?  3.  it is Friday and the end of another exhausting week facing up to financial ruin then being alright then wondering what is next etc.  The Summer Fayre which I hate to mention to Owner but had to remind, is next up tomorrow.  There have been dire weather warnings of hail etc and she does wonder if it will strike when they are all outside eating massive sponge cakes and listening to the music man.   You could take your new PAKKAMAC I said helpfully and cannot understand why she looked funny.  final thing which is not overly inspiring but there must be a lesson there somewhere.  The horrid warehouse with phones in it keeps ringing Owner up and what makes this even harder to bear is she has changed the theme on the phone.  That and her new battery means it now rings loud enough to wake the dead and be heard in Europe.  I ONLY HOPE THEY TAKE MY COMPLAINT seriously she says.  Well so do I as when the phone rang from them for the nth time it gave me a rare shock!  We must learn to love them and turn the other cheek Owner I said settling back down for some zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.  she is even now thinking this over!  I love it.
Final get up and go Fridee para.  Last night I have never heard Owner laugh so much and no it was not Enders which is still the Linda Carter story with billyboy thrown in.  Oh and a few items of Lucee's (who is a dead character you recall.  oh and a dead murdered one.  Was it Denise?  this is Owner's latest wandering thoughts not mine.) being thrown into an earthy hole possibly up those allotments.  No it was celebrity masterchef.  The line up this time is par excellence goes Owner.  Wayne as you know is our fave, but somehow fell short and cooked up a nasty looking piece of fish with an equally strange looking green thing to go with it.  The Judges three did not like it.  But Gregg got the giggles and Owner had tears in her eyes!  He did a graceful ballet exit leaving Sophie, Jodie and Charlie.  Who will win it?  tonight will reveal.  to get there we will have to endure more Enders and the fact that nearly everyone in the Square argued with, had a liaison with, was helped by, knew and didn't like Lucee.  it is only a matter of time before Owner gets confused by Teenah's bash on the head and Lucee's.  I am quite clear on it but wouldn't put it past team Tracee to hop over to Enders and finish things off there.  Just a tiny update for you all out there probably wondering and thinking will Owner's latest complaint be sorted?  She has had a response.  IT'S BEEN LOGGED she shouted up, and reports it was taking things seriously.  And 2 mins later did she get another nuisance call!  It's working then I whispered up from the top of the stairs.  24 hours I have to wait she shouts up to me.  I thought she was on about that good tv show with nice Keefer Sutherland.  Now if we haven't inspired you overmuch today do not fear as there is always the good weekend!  Do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x

Thursday, 17 July 2014

Getting Straight Thursdee

Wonka here.  It suddenly struck me (and Owner when I mentioned) that anyone new to this good blog will not know how beautiful I look.  That is easily put right goes Owner, as we simply upload a  photo of you.  so today good folks out there hopefully basking in that glorious sunnyshine, here it is. 
There I am!! now when you have all picked yourselves up off the floor saying things like 'I have never seen...' and ' first prize in a....' you will note that there is another portrait of me lurking in the background on the good sideboard.  that is Owner's fave of me.  Bertie bubbles?  he said he doesn't mind not being in the spotlight..Oh alright I didn't ask him, but there is a cartoon on its way of me and Bertie aka martin chuzzlewit (Owner likes names of characters specially if by Charles Dickens)..Barnaby Rudge is another and I have to say it suits him.  So look out for it this week.  We love it.
Getting straight para.  What is this you all shout up at once!  Owner once saw a film called that, Getting Straight, and it had Elliot Gould in it.  Who is that you all wonder?   a brill actor that's who he is and we hope he is still earthbound but if not we still like him.  and in this film drones on Owner (I nearly dropped off zzzzzzzzzzzzz OH!) he is going for an interview with all these intelligent bods sat round a big table asking him complicated questions.  Suddenly he has had enough.  He jumps ON THE TABLE and tells them all what for.  Owner reports it was very funny when she saw it back in the days of Moses etc.  And your point is Owner I ventured helpfully (get me..).  THE POINT IS Wonka she says to me, is that today I can even things up a bit.  She did use the phrase in with one hand and out with the other but I thought she was on about the washing or feeding us or something.  All must even up she continues being deeply philosophical for a Thursdee.  Does this mean more nice toys and food for me and Bertie (yes I included him) and Ruggles too?  Possibly, she says back.  I love her.
More getting straight stuff Para.  so today's cartoon must have nothing to do with this and everything to do with Owner's time out.  specifically on the good Underground which is a warren, a hot warren full of signs and posters that you do not have time to read because everyone is behind you going at speed.

There she is!  laden with bags whilst everyone else is travelling light OR with suitcases on wheels.  I wish she goes, I had taken my little blue pretend croc case on wheels.  I thought I hadn't got much. RIGHT I says back, and I should know because I checked Owner's bags all the time before she went laying in them and being helpful.  I love it.
Fresh nearly straight para.  today, Owner feels better because she reports she has BROKEN EVEN so now she goes, we can start mounting up debt again!  and as you know, she is good at this.  Go steady I shouted after her when she popped out for some shopping.  Who knows what she will come back with?  In the meantime my new toys beckon, or, a bit of shuteye on the sideboard in the sun. zzzzzzzz
 the next thing I hear is I HAD TO BUY THIS Wonka.......and the reason for this compulsive purchase you all gasp up ready to criticise?  How can the economy recover with Owner spending like this you want to know.  But it is alright, it is OK as it was a birthday present.  this is on the BUYING ALLOWED list and not on the NON ESSENTIALS AND WHY DID YOU BUY IT one.  Anyhow it is too hot to question overmuch and why alter Owner's excellent mood setting?  I love it.
Final got straight now what para.  Tonight we will possibly get through Enders if Owner can take it.  the latest strike a light storyline is Linda Carter (Is that her name in it I said and we are still not sure.  does it matter though?) and her newest nephew forgotten his name hairdresser boy.  Owner goes HOW DAFT IS THAT and woke me up.  Again.  and if it isn't them it's Fil whispering up to bad boy Billy.  If we can make it through there is celebrity masterchef to cheer us up with.  Our chief fave is wayne ballet dancer supremo sleep.  So folks out there probably having a half decent day just one word of warning from Owner.  Do not, she says, take any calls from the motoring warehouse plus phones or some such name,  WHY? says I listening up from half way up the stairs.  Because, she goes, THEY ARE HARD SELL.  In our Wold this means, rude and nasty.  So Owner has sent an email to tell them off.  We are even now checking for a polite reply.  We love it.  Now do go steady out there in the Wold wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x  

Wednesday, 16 July 2014

Catnip Wednesdee!

Wonka here.  It could have been woeful wednesdee it could have been what now wednesdee but instead good folks out there all having funny old days it is CATNIP day.  I think, says Owner, I will treat you and bertie to some new toys with that stuff in that makes you roll round on the luxury carpet.  OH I said back thinking about how will Bertie know which toy is which and not pinch mine? you all know how generous and kind I am towards him, but even this has its limits.  AND YOU MUST SHARE WONKA goes Owner.  As if!!  I love it.

Catnip para.  it is funny little bits of grass and bits and why it would drive me crazy I cannot say.  My fave catnip up til now is the blue fish but I am not turning my nose up at more.  What else to report? It is still sunny and warm and did not rain yesterdee (St Swithins Day also Owner's Grandma's birfdee) otherwise it would rain for 40 days and 40 nights. this is a fact says Owner and not just a little saying.  OH I goes back.  Now there are lots of cartoons in the offing and not to mention my toys past present and future (ooer) but I did promise a little photoshoot of the new pink elly and here it is:
There he is our pink Elly!what is that thing to the left you all shout up? That dear folks is a penguin from good daughter and the beak fell off.  Otherwise he is a perfectly good penguin. and to the right is of course Baba's miracle grow Buddleia.  It has sprouted some little blooms and we are proud.   We love it.
Fresh catnip para.  Off Owner trots with me shouting don't forget we are penniless Owner!  she didn't hear me above shouting back to BE GOOD WONKA.  I mean.  Aeons of time later does she fall back in with a bag from PETS ARE US or some such.  Inside was my new toy, it is a lifelike mouse with a tiny opening for the catnip.  I had to restrain myself from going GIVE ME IT NOW, to wait patiently whilst Owner wrestles with the wrapping.  Hours later I had it in a vice like grip and Bertie was given my blue fish.  but guess what?  no that is not it.  Owner receives a parcel in the post and goodness me inside is a new toy for me (alright and Bertie) plus three mice plus a bag of catnip. it is all from our new friend Sebe who lives in sumptuous style in Portsmouth and now I really really love him.  YOU ARE SPOILT goes Owner looking round at a million mice and balls and such like.  We love it.
final catnip para.  Owner also fitted in a trip to aged sibling and is even now nailing down the array (ooer) of outings coming up.  Summer Fayre this, and afternoon tea that....she is saying to herself.  but, I am pleased to report there were no electrical failures today.  to return to the warehouse in the middle of nowhere that is possibly Europe.  (I did ask Owner where Europe was but she didn't hear me above hiding the packets of catnip).  Now last night we somehow got through Enders which we are renaming the CARTER FAMBILY.  With a little bit of Bad Billy on the side and his evil cousin (?) Fil.  but where is Shazzer you all want to know and Masood and Carole's scarfe? Onto Holby and we have sort of lost sight of the storyline here, but good Elliot has had a brain scan and he has one (my little joke).  Jack who is a clever surgeon thing is still in it but what of the babe? and then there was a clutch of trainee apprentice docs all getting drunk and telling on each other.  tonight there is Corrie and Peetah has finally had the finger of doom point his way with good Deidre wailing and sad.  Rita is ignoring Norris and letting thingy back into her affections.  Tomorrow I dare say we will be as penniless as today but who knows....and Rugglesis ear seems to be healing reports Owner.  I did pretend to be interested but was trying to have some zzzzzzzzzzzzwhen Owner said.  Now do go steady out there in the Wold wherever you are in it. Big Love Wonka x   PS If you are a cat can I recommend more catnip and if you are a human, buy some for your cat or a cat.  x

Tuesday, 15 July 2014

Sport Free Tuesdee

Wonka here.  In the ....DEEP of the night, downstairs goes Owner and what is happening but good Ruggles is by the gate eyeballing a black cat.  Me?  thanks for asking, at the good backdoor looking at the same scenario and Owner just got in the way.  I CAN'T SEE if you stand there I whispered up to Owner.  SORRY she whispers back.  The same tactic as before is used to let them know we are there.  YES the bathroom light goes on.  Ruggles! He is our action cat out back, protecting his territory to use that horrid term that Owner hates.  24/7.  I love it.

Fresh no sport at the moment para.  Hopeless really, as now what to do?  I know it is easy for me, as I am fairly busy anyway, and although ace of base aka Bertie Buttons has calmed down a little, he is still prone to view me as ENEMY NO 1.  Even if I just sneek a tiny glimpse of him in the Narnia cupboard, he goes mad.  And so does Owner come to that.  No the baby seagulls (what is the name for them?  gullets? gullies? Owner's name is tweenies.  I know I cannot use such a silly name.) have not popped out yet but any day now........... Owner says she is going out soon, which means the minute she feels alright in what she is wearing and her hair is OKish.  I've gone off it, she said earlier.  IT LOOKS FINE I lied from well behind the door.  another good hairdresser tackled it because the real one is off having a little mite.  I'LL HAVE TO COPE with it goes Owner.  I tell you good folks out there it has enough product (this is the word up) on it to launch a whole new range of all singing all dancing hair adverts.  We love it.

Fresh not to mention the world cup or tennis para.  Now Novak is a married man we still love him and Owner is awaiting the birth of his first baby in October.  We couldn't help but mention this.  Rafa as far as we know is a single bunny and as for murraymint surely he will propose soon?  Now for today's good photoshoot Owner is pushing the boat out or something and says shall we have a cartoon of Friend's cat who she fell in love with but it is alright as she still loves me twice as much.  So I have graciously said yes alright Owner:
There he is!! Sebe.  He is tabby like me but not so handsome of course.....................also says Owner he has a little plastic mouse which you can put treats in (I immediately asked for one and Owner said yes alright Wonka) and to cap it all he has the same best toy as me, the track with the ball in it.  You might be distant cousins she goes............We love it.
Final sport free para.   Owner turns back up from her shopping spree, laden with the usual non essentials.  I noted some new hair colour in the bag and started to say something but Owner drowned me out by shouting BERTIE BUBBLES at the top of her voice.  She says this is a release of tension but I say it is avoidance tactics.   And she goes, I had to buy this.  What is it? you all shout up with excitement mounting.  Good folks out there in the Wold all having your good lives, she has only gone and bought a pink elephant.  I LOVE IT she goes, rushing out back to place it near to Baba's Buddleia.  Why? you all chirp up does it need a pink elephant.  Because it is a watering can, and tomorrow we will have a special photoshoot of that plus the miracle Buddleia.  It is even now peaking out from between flower pots and looks like it has always been there.  We love it.
Real final para.   Owner also fitted in a visit to aged parent and came back in fair spirits.  Was she alright I ventured (!) from the living room whilst Owner was in the kitchen and may not have heard me.  FAIR TO MIDDLING she shouts up making herself a strong cup of tea.  There is a Summer Fayre on Satdee that I must attend, she went on.  And come back with things I don't want.  The last one Owner staggered back with ornaments (outside lurking near a plant pot), calendars (In the Narnia cupboard) and a headache.  She may do the double whammy and take aged sibling too in which case I will be under the bed when she gets back.  now tonight we have Enders to endure with murders and evidence and those pesky Carter family if that is indeed their name.  followed by good Holby City and the antics of those Doctors all backstabbing and having babies, or being false and jolly.  I CANNOT STAND THAT ONE goes Owner every week, waking me up from my zzzzzzzzzzzon the giant nest aka settee. Rug has been and had real chicken and so have I and so will Bertie if he get a move on.  His ear is sort of alright says Owner who dabbed it with warm water. Plus a prayer to St Francis to seal the deal.  We love him.  Now do go steady out there in the Wold wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x

Monday, 14 July 2014

Back to the future Mundee

Wonka here.  It is all over or like the good song of Roy Orbison IT'S OVERRRR, IT'S OVAHHHH, IT'S OVAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!....  did we love it or did we love it.  Owner stayed up to will Argy Bargy on.  Especially that Messi.  to no avail, as those pesky Germans won out and it was a chappie with ace eyebrows far better that Rihanna who posed with him (says Owner and she knows a thing or two about eyebrows...) called Gotze or something very like that but his first name is Mario.  And this good folks out there all footballed out, was in EXTRA TIME.  So Messi did win a little something but he did look downcast, and all we can say to cheer the losing side up is:  IT IS THE TAKING PART.............but I bet those Germans are still celebrating and such like.  We love it.

Back to the future para.  yes so it is back to what we know and love, financial ruin, no job, no breakaway for at least 4 weeks (that is too soon Owner I noted) and the daily grind of it all.  I AM GOING TO RISE ABOVE IT goes Owner up like a lark and all positive this morning.  things to cling onto are, (list) 1.  Owner nearly went off her anxiety rocker sorting out a return to this giant warehouse somewhere in Europe, but it all went to plan.  she is still in shock.  2.  It is a good sunny and cheerful day.  So far.  3.  Bertie has stopped growling and hissing at Wonka.  for now. 4.  Rugglesis ear was inspected last night, in the dark, and he let Owner bathe it.  it looked not too bad.  For now.  We love it.

Fresh look to the future not the past para.  Now Owner said she had a seagull shoot for me, all the way from Portsmouth and here it is:
Here we are!!  Now when I first inspected (like it) this I said Owner, WHERE IS THE SEAGULL?? I could see the side of a building which she says is the good Portsmouth Cathedral, I could see a nice tree with lots of cars and such parked up neatly I could see some scrappy grass....OH YES, there it is near to the left hand side, at the edge of the green.  Next time Owner, I said, use the Zoom thing.  I DID she said back.  I love it.
Fresh better off in the future para.   Other things to cheer us on are that Christophe Evans who has been off sick is now back to the future and on his Radio 2 breakfast show!  Has he come back too soon though asks Owner all concerned.  Another week she said wisely.  that's not what you do I spoke up from behind the kitchen door but she didn't hear me above turning the radio up.  Now last night we had a bit of todo on the bed with Bertie Bubbles forgetting who he was and where he was, so he treated me as if I was a raiding Viking on the attack.  In reality, I was entering the room and about to jump on the bed for a wash round.  STOP IT NOW goes Owner worried that a full scale cat fight is about to happen within arms reach.  We all know it is Bertie and not me, and I just carried on as normal checking him out, and looking at him.....luckily Bertie realised nothing else was on the cards and settled himself up.  Me?  thanks for asking, got on with my wash and then trotted back downstairs again.  I love it.
final futuristic para.  We have now caught up with celebrity masterchef!  To our great sorrow Mr Biggins only coughed up a trifle based on his great Aunt's recipe and it did not impress our John and Gregg.... Amanda's dish also failed to get them going.  Luckily beloved Wayne Sleep our little ballet meister is still in with the adventurer, Sophie and Jodie.  four to turn into three.  Money on the adventurer to smash it but would love Mr Sleep to do well.  We do love an underballet dancer.  Now we have to catch up with good Corrie and looks like that charm bracelet is going to feature which thanks to good Deidre has been washed and touched by...well by cheating Peetah!  is the finger of fate finally turning towards him and away from team tracey and rob??  who will sprag (owner says that is a word??) on Tracey and her dodgy dealings in the van that night.  As for Enders, they seem to be having a year long party at the Queen Vic just with the carter family if that is their name and Shirlee keeps making an appearance with a new relative.  Bring back Peggy!  Bring back Phil's bruverly bruv.  Even make shazzer's part bigger (Owner says that sounds funny.....).  Anyhow, must dash as time to check on the baby seagulls who are cheeping for ingerland amongst those chimneytops, Bertie who has had a nice brush out and was last seen in the Narnia cupboard, and then there is good Ruggles.  Try dear folks out there pining for some more footie (not for a long four years in good Russia) to re focus and try some other sport, like the commonwealth games in Glasgow..Och Aye.  DON'T BE SILLY Wonka, says Owner waking up slightly...they don't even say that.  they do say HEN instead of dear or love though.  I mean I cannot vouch for Bertie but I would not answer to Hen, no.  Now do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x