Saturday, 19 August 2017

Good Game Good Game!

We are not talking football or tennis or beloved Snookerooni folks we are talking BRUCIE Forsyth who has now moved into the next room.  89 years he did spend on this earth and for most of it, entertaining us poor folks addled in our wits and needing some fun and laughter to sort it!! herewith Owner's weensy tribute to him:
There we are!  and we hope he is still on his toes as his TAP was pretty neat.X
In other news the week has shuddered on with all its usual emails not getting there and turning back up. WHAT IS THE POINT! shouts Owner and I did say have you tried that old fashioned way that is called sending a letter but luckily she didn't hear me about bashing out a letter.  I WILL HAVE TO HANDPOST IT! she shrieks to me and moaning about the silly old directions that the laptop coughs up.  it turns out that where the email didn't get to is only 7 mins away as the crow flies.  I know.X

I have only had one or two ALRIGHT three or four spats with ruggles and none with Bertrude but that is because Owner reckons Bertrude cannot see much. Last night she went over to her miniscule pink teddy bear and sniffed it.  Owner was very much encouraged by this outburst of activity as Bertrude rarely does much.  other than eating sleepin and the other.  I make up for this of course by being all over the house and now out as well checking all the hollows and dark places, I even went into the little outhouse thingy wotsit and had Owner on the run! THERE YOU ARE Wonka! she said after half an hour searching for me and nearly printing out a load of WONKA IS MISSING Posters.I mean X

IS THE WINDOW FIXED? you all wake up and want to know.  Nothing, DE RIEN, is that simple in this house folks and you might know that the old window resisted being taken out quite strongly, and is now replaced with a piece of board with holes in it so we can all breath BUT the new window cannot be popped into place just yet.  WHY IS THAT WONKA? you now ask.  And surely you know the answer.......................
The Joiner is going on HOLIDAY.  It is AUGUST and every second person in the known world is doing it.  Except Owner.X

The telly has been on as per and we have clung to Corrie and Rita  going wonky now which folks, I tell you, is too close to home for Owner what with Aged Parent and having to fend off an entire NHS system (Can Owner do it? if anyone can, she can.X) BUT because of this wonkiness Rita has accused our fave Gemma of a crime her horrid mates carried out!! it is alright, Rita has come back round but will their relationship survive! But the real twist of the night was that horrid Feelan has been keeping Andy a prisoner instead of murdering him!!! he is held in a cellar somewhere! Back in Enders Fil has gone mad and revealed to thingy that he murdered his Dad in the KARLOT.  Owner may rename it SALEM'S LOT now.  Anything folks to keep her smiling and not attacking the telly when Stacee appears or WITNEE behind that bar.X

In the wicked world of politics Donwald the Trump is still the president but perhaps the best way to end this is simply for all his cabinet thingy to resign get sacked go sick or go on holidee.  That way he really might be the last man standing.  Who knows eh.  Tresa Grey may or may not be back off her trekking hols she does cheep up with the odd comment mildly condemning what other folks are all shouting and dying for.  jezzer is still on his health farm or allotment making jam while the sun shines. We love Vinnie Cable whatever he is doing.  he can do no wrong at the minute.X

Owner tells me daughter is coming through for a few days and this would explain the flurry of activity in the fridge and in the spare bed dept.  And the cleaning and monster dept too. They are planning on a giant DVD fest and sweets and that.  anything folks to cheer that Owner up I'm all for it. THE IMPACT when things go wrong folks is hard to bear BUT I do have several hideys. PLUS blending in with the carpet that Owner doesn't like too.X

Now the coming week might be a trifle up and down as Owner is having to attend a hospital for what she describes merrily as ROUTINE Wonka.  she should go in and come out very swiftly and I won't notice. She says. What I do expect is to be spoilt rotten by my auntie before during and after.  End of.X

it is raining here after a beauty week of sunny shine and the best news of the week is guess what folks?? NO that is not it. it was that the Car with No Name went and passed its MOT that's what and one less thing for Owner to drone on about.  It is alright for now Wonka she said up!  Do go on and pass all your MOTs and EMAILS getting to their destinations and if you are going through a hard time of it, think of US, because our time of it is harder folks.
alright the same then! Keep your purring positive and look friendly!! Big Love Wonka X

Saturday, 12 August 2017

Silly Billy Season

IT IS AUGUST as if we did not know this screeched Owner to me!!  There are now two stock answers for all know problems.  Excuses rolled out to explain everything that IS GOING WRONG.

What are they Wonka? you all shout at me anxious to know.  herewith:

1.  YOU MOTHER IS EIGHTYSIX YOU KNOW...... this remark is guaranteed (spelling!! good use of word!! X) to get Owner's mood setting from round about 2 to 3 to TEN in seconds folks.  she is dribbling at the mouth saying things like ' WELL I DIDN'T KNOW THAT!' and 'AND??????? £$%*****^%$££ .  This answers practically any questions Owner may put forward EVEN IF it is not relevant.

2.  IT IS AUGUST YOU KNOW..... this one explains why joiners cannot be found for love nor money and specially not by Owner's landlord. Again, more dribbling at the mouth when Owner says it is over a month ago that she first (nicely folks X) put in a request for a straightforward job to fix a window.  Is it fixed folks??? well it is August you know..............(the whole universe and all joiners are on holiday. or sick. or just not there.X)

Here we are !!! It is that nice Larry cat from Number 10 with a postcard from thingy.  she is on some trotting around holidee BECAUSE IT IS AUGUST. X
Now all these frets and worries to one side how is Owner bearing up you all wonder to me?  You will be pleased to know the latest complaint is filed away AND a series of appointments, ALL UNECESSARY Wonka, to aged parent have been cancelled.  IT IS ALRIGHT for them, she moaned up to me, TO GO SICK and change appointments - she did say more than that folks, but she didn't notice I had popped upstairs to my secret hidey and I cannot hear anything once I am there.X  YES SHE IS FINE and her mood setting is approx. 4 -5.  End of X
Listen to this though Folks!!! Owner set off yesterdee determined to spend some money (alright dust down the credit card X) BUT CAME BACK with de rien!!  I didn't like the rugs she goes to me (for the front room which no one PeRSONNE ever goes in) AND I could not find what I wanted in the charity shop.  This rarely happens folks and today may be different.  I did say do we really need an expensive rug but she may not have heard me above changing the facilities.  NO it was not me it was Bertrude.X
Ruggles barely says a word these days and I think in his head he has gone on a long holiday.  Infact in aged parent language it is his age.  Since Owner found a nice soft blanket for him (it was Diva's, Owner's beloved dog of yore,X) and laid it down in the kitchen he has loved it.  I did say what about me but quickly agreed with Owner that I do have millions alright a fair few resting up spots on each level of our new home.X  PS Bertude is sugar dandy and is either going blind or deaf or both of them as she hardly noticed when I glided by her and ate most of her very expensive biscuits up.X
What then, you all shout at me HAS KEPT US going and kept Owner's chin up??  A nice phone call with cousin did help folks, where they both moaned to each other and laughed.  This is said cousin she is the biz AND Owner will have a break away later on this year.  I am already making plans for a very spoilt time of it!

There she is!! and who knows folks, she could even visit us! (it is August.X)

Now there has been more huffing and puffing from Donwald the Trump who cannot stop himself.  Back here, there is still the mantle of silence except from silly billy Kipper party who are busy deciding what horrid platform to sell their next political wares from AND who is to head them up!!! We still love Vinnie the Cable in this house. X

On the telly at the minute folks is The Stand.  WHAT IS THAT Wonka? you all say frightened you are missing a new boxset. NYET!  it is a Stephen King story from a zillion years ago BUT we are loving it.  it is about the end of the world well for the US of A then and all the survivors are headed to a jolly old black grandma Abigail in the styx and opposite a giant cornfield.  it is the BIZZ.  Aside from this we clung to Animal Rescue Live with good supervet, and those 10 puppies too.  it has been I am pleased to say a very animal loving week here and even the aged parent tuned in despite being 86.  I know.X

Time to have a brief look ahead to the coming week folks.  Owner is all geared up for MORE DAFT EXCUSES and will turn the tables with a few of her own. ME? thanks for asking, hoping to enjoy a few zzzzzzzzzzzz on the workbench outback in the sunnyshine if there is some (IT is AUGUST.X) Big Love Wonka XX PS here I am doing just that X

Saturday, 5 August 2017


DO YOU MEAN THAT NICE Rhubarb that comes in a crumble with custard Wonka?  NYET!!!

This is the word that I have persuaded Owner to use when referring to(BIG LIST Folks.X)
1.  anyone in authority that thinks they know all about aged parent.
2.  anyone in or out of authority that want to LEAVE the EEEWE. aka the EU.
3.  anyone calling up and saying it is alright we are not a scamming phony person we are authentic. (Owner immediately blocks them.  she loves blocking.X)
4. anyone delivering anything to the wrong address when Owner is in and waiting.
5. anyone this week.X

There we are!! This is saving Owner from going potty!! and it is Pedro from the new thingy on Beeb 2 about puppies AND their new homes.X

What has saved this household from going bonkers?  there is a nice new series on the telly called Letterbox which Owner has clung to nicely, only wavering for a moment when that over the top presenter Mel declared AGAINST cats.  Did this stop Owner from making comments and posting stuff on twitter?? NYET.  She even created a beauty cartoon to celebrate the letter AITCH.  This kept Owner quiet for 2 minutes as did 10 Pupsters and US.  We love Jura who will be a champ rescue dog in the highlands of sconny botland AND we love Poppy and Pedro.

There is brave and talented rescue dog to be JURA!! and Owner is a busy beelet drawing Poppy for next week!! X

Bertrude has pleased the Vet.  HOWCOME you all shout at me interested at last in what I am on about.  She was trundled to the vets yesterdee with a sample of you know what and it turns out she can stick to THREE UNITS of insulin now.  I AM PLEASED said the Vet.  of course Owner was in too much of a daze from the next round of meetings about aged parent to take much in.  ARE YOU? she says.  I did wonder whether the supposed creeping onset of dementia they all reckon is sweeping over aged parent is spreading a small tentacle towards Owner.  RHUBARB Wonka! she shouted at me so I didn't mention it after all.X

In the political world nothing DE RIEN has happened.  Donwald the Trump is still being a pretend president and everyone isn't pretending that he is. Any good that is.  personally I blame the same set of people who all went and voted LEAVE instead of REMAIN.  Owner shouted that word again followed by a sheep noise.  As far as we know Jezzer still hasn't gone on holidee in Venezuela or Israel or any other contentious fighty old country.  HE COULD BE ON A RETREAT muttered Owner OR on a health farm OR just behind a closed door at home.  Vinnie Cable our new bestest has gone quiet and he could be on holidee too.X

Also on the telly Owner had to turn off Enders as she said THATS RHUBARB or words to the effect when FIL went to rescue LOO from her mad mother. It was hard for a moment to pick out the mad one and even Shazzer was in the running.  They are all in hospital (again) til next week.  thankfully in Corrie good Steve Macdonald who has married everyone in the street and had a babe with them proposed to LEEANN and she said YES.  Almost as heartwarming as Norrice and Mary.  There were however TWO yes TWO dark moments, as FEELAN went to confess to all those murders in a proper confessional boxy thing AND thingy who was married to Steve but is now with wotsit ended up in the boot of a car...I know.  nailbiting or wot.X

Wot with Vet visits and aged parent visits and planning for daughter coming to stay.  OOH.  that has meant a lot of staring at products in the maze like supermarket to check it doesn't have ANYTHING to do with animals in it.  Owner found a person staring at the frozen cabinet and tried to help.  IT IS MY GRANDAUGHTER goes the woman, SHE IS NOW VEGAN.   I KNOW says Owner wisely and then they both stare together.  I know.X and I really do know.XX  So far Owner has enough cheese to feed a parcel of mice and a bag of skittles.  End of.X

Now can next week slow down a bit please AND NOT have any fraught rhubarb meetings.  On the good side Owner bought a pinafore dress and looks the biz in it.  I LIKE THIS A LOT Wonka she told me.  That means folks I can stand or lay easy for a good few weeks until the next cry of despair goes up!  Take it steady and DO REST UP when the going gets tough and rhubarby folks.  Big Love Wonka X

PS I haven't mentioned Ruggles because all he does is rest up, eat up and use the facilities.  he still makes that off gurgling sound when he scratches in his ears and Owner says this is alright and not to worry.yes.X

Saturday, 29 July 2017


Good Morning Up Folks!! First up to make you all feel better about your credit cards, your hair, your life...........OH NO THAT'S OWNER'S LIFE!!!! X Herewith is a photo of A BUTTERFLY escaping from one of the Buddleia!!

There we are!! What a snap from Owner who was saying things like 'this bkngsl££"! Camera needs charging Wonka! Can I get the butterfly first!! OH tha;g85649!! etc.and wotnot.X
Now you will also want to see some good snaps of ME:

OH!! I know I look the biz and I dare say you want one of my sparring mate Ruggles?X

Butter would not melt!! BUT folks only this morning did we have a tiny spat.  Who won?? IT DOES NOT MATTER. end of.XX
What of the Bubster you all shout out worried that Bertrude is left out.  There is a photo of Bertie but Owner spent half her life looking for it and STILL could not locate it (good use of word.X) SO instead here is one of her paws poking out from her beloved lair.X

There she is!! AND Owner successfully changed the insulin cartridge after hours of reading the instructions.  THEN clicking the pen and NOTHING, DE RIEN coming out.  Then folks she had a lightbulb go BANG in her bonce and she realises she has to get ALL THE AIR OUT Wonka.  Thus proving folks that she is turning into a chemist and a vet. I know.X
In other lesser news, Owner had a lovely day out in Bridlington with daughter and feeancee.  YES.  it is a proper romance with big moves involved too.  OVER THE SEA.  And if this silly brexit on toast carries on much longer folks, Owner says she will look at such a big move also.  ME? thanks for asking, and as you know I will try anything (once I have triple checked it for scary things.x) BUT for this adventure I might consult with the others. Ruggles and Bertie even if they do both hiss and spit before I can get a word in.X
I'M off to the Hairdresser! she tells me; Owner has a hair apt WITH the new one folks which so far is going well.  Once this horrid shade of yellow goes Wonka............(now where have I heard that? X).  Other things that went to plan despite days of fretting was a delivery folks.  The text foretold when the goods would arrive.  another text told the TIME they would be delivered.  Owner was IN at the said time and blow me down did a knock at the door have the goods safely delivered into Owner's hand!!! AND she liked one of the jumpers.  PHEW.X
The silly season is now upon us folks and Tresa Grey has gone off on her silly hols.  We have heard nothing of Jezzer and his plans except stuff saying HE HATES THE EEYEW, plus how he has sold all those brill students down the line with his story of student funding. not.  Owner says she knew this all along but the young and IMPRESSIONABLE she says to me, students would not have a word said against their new saviour.  Me and Owner are in with Vinnie Cable at the mo,  we love him.X PS and we are still Green too.X
On the telly there is a distinct lack of tip top drama.  Louis and Philippe have gone off somewhere, The Loch managed to solve itself and even that daft choir show with the RIFF OFF has gone. Owner has taken to a new show called Letterbox with that infuriating Mel in it, who Owner says THE JURY IS STILL OUT Wonka.  I did say is that because she is very funny, very witty and knows her stuff Owner? but luckily Owner did not hear me above shouting at Stacee who is behind the bar (not that one) in Enders. In Corrie Liz and Stevee are no longer behind their bar in the Rovers and instead it is whiny thingy who is Leeannes sister and alcoholic Petah.  I DON'T LIKE HER says Owner glued to the screen.X
Thankfully there is Casualtee tonight to keep Owner occupied and that nice Nik Knowles in that annoying quiz thingy.  name three million pop stars who sang about mud - alright 5 then.X
Next week cruises us all into August folks which should be a good and steady munf. And if it isn't Owner will write a letter of complaint!! chins up and furry fur fluffed!! Big love Wonka X

Saturday, 22 July 2017

We Don't Want a Kitten!

YOU HAVEN'T WONKA? NO folks, that's right I haven't - when times get rough and Owner shouts about and I quote:

does she start romanticising about getting a kitten.  Like when one of the trillions alright a fair few charities send her a dramatic request USUALLY featuring a wisp of a KitKat rescued from a dustbin or a shoebox OR just laying somewhere bleating feebly UNTIL a member of the animal rescuing public chances along AND gets the said kitwit to the vets in the scrape of time!! Then, there is a shivering wreck of a of kit looking up at Owner and demanding YES a donation.  I love you!! she says scribbling out a cheque.  I do say to her I say things like what about us, and what about the rising nay soaring cost of Bertrudes Vetinary bills NOW THAT SHE HAS Diabetes?? I mean.  But generally folks, Owner likes to rescue things and never forget Tinkers and the Boolleys who feature in 'Conversations with Wonka - part Six.'X

There we are!! Tinkers was Tinkerbelle, and she went and had her kits in the Luxury shed as was.  I warned Owner NOT to name them or foster them so what happened?? YES she named them, saved them and loved them.  Little Cadpig was brought back to life in her hands too, and named after the little dalmation in 101 dalmations who was also saved in this way.  Hankies folks! hankies!! X
Has Owner stopped complaining?? has she heck.  AND, she only went and cancelled the next load of torture I mean appointments with the new Dentist!! Has she gone silly you all wonder up and dare to say.... she decided he was just making a few bob out of her teef AND making her feel an old crock into the bargain.  I WILL HOLD ONTO THEM FOR A BIT LONGER she droned to me swilling back another tablet for the twinge on the upper right.X
YES this daft bloggy thing has published itself without a sayso from me.  I ask you.X
In other lesser news, aged parent has had another test to see if she is all there or not.  It is a common mental test for ANYONE staring into the abyss that has the general name Dementia tagged to it.  BUT says Owner all full of a little knowledge, Dementia is a term for the memory loss IT IS NOT ITSELF a disease.  Did aged parent do well at this test you all want to know.  Owner reports she did quite well and is: NOT SENILE YET.  This despite the nursing home rushing her into tests and tablets etc.  How they think they will do all of this behind Owner's back I do wonder at myself folks. And the funny thing was, that, according to Owner as she was on her way to meet with the nice Community Psychiatric Nurse and her support worker AND the aged, good (or not so good but well paid) jezzer Vine comes on the lunchtime show with his Doctor pal, and they run through the same test!! SO I KNEW all the questions in advance Wonka! she tells me when she fell back in later, fairly quizzed out and all.X
Goodness knows now it is the recess thingy those pesky politicians will all be lazing around reading books and plugging into the nearest life support machine ready for the next round of TALKS.  good Vinnie Cable is the new wotsit for the Lib Dems and already Owner loves him.  I know.x
On the good telly, craigie in Corrie is IN LERVE with little Bethanee, but like all good love stories it is unrequited!! Over in Enders Max is lying and conniving and reading bizness reports for evil means.!! Staycee wasn't in it much, so Owner didn't need to shout overmuch.  She did say Shazzer has been usurped by another of Fil's exes, yet another blonde albeit curly.  The Loch has ended with lots of last minute murderers to the fore and we loved it. And now, Owner is in love with Love Your Garden with Alan Titch!! Watch this space folks for more gardening tips!! (have we got one for today Owner I asked her?) Go easy on the snails!
On my timely advice Owner has uploaded the newest and bestest story, The Cat Who Never Was, to where you can all read it for free!!  When it is a premium wotsit I will put a full on link right here I will but until then this is what to look for:
There it is!! and yes!! it may even have a kitten in it too.  And for now folks, kitwits in stories will have to do for Owner's longings.X
What of Ruggles you all chirp up thinking what is he doing these days.  Well folks, he does spend most of them asleep, or eating, or the other AND does hog the blanket box here in the little sitting room.  Blow me down when I go over just to ask him if he is alright does he hiss at me!!  Bertrude was whisked to the vets yesterdee for another check on her insulin levels (a very expensive check folks.x) and it has been increased to 3 UNITS.  has Owner grasped the fundimentals of the insulin pen??? I do hope so folks, for Bertrude's sake.  Now to round off this fascinating report on US, I bring you news that Owner's rescue of a babe gull laying on the road has a happi ending!!  It got knocked by a car and just sat there AMAZINGLY surviving the next load of cars till owner got there to move it to the grass.  THEN she dithered about what to do.  All the gulls circled overhead and the little gull now named Braveheart turned its head and looked up at them!! THEN WONKA I got the blue soft blanket out of the car with no name, wrapped him or her in it and whisked off to the Vets.  And folks, with a patched up wing, Braveheart is now at the Whitby Wildlife Sanctuary!! X
Next Week folks is the final week sort of for July so PUSH THE BILLY BOAT out and Get Creative!! Owner has more than a touch of this and has started a new story!!! With my help of course, so go on have an Inspirational Week of it!! Big Love Wonka X

Saturday, 15 July 2017


HOW has your lovely week been folks? full of fun? (TICK) full of angst? (refer to Owner's guide to how to live a full and fun life WHILST beset by angst. First edition.X) OR just full of the usual stuff.  Owner has somehow come through what she describes as a
*&^%$££)___!!!! week.

And it finished with a trip to see the nice Vets with Betrude!
There she is!! with her brand new VER ex Pensive diabetes.
Do you understand Owner, I says up, just out of mild interest folks, DO YOU KNOW what diabetes is??  AM I A CHEMIST Wonka? she snapped back at me saying things like, is it about the liver converting something TO DO WITH GLUCOSE and monitoring and regulating AM I A VET! she goes a bit funny sometimes folks and goodness knows her mouth was a bit lopsided after that visit to the new dentist.  I have to whisper at this point folks incase Owner is listening, but when she fell back in after just ONE filling saying things like I AM NOT SURE if I like him or not (the poor dentist) and how the same person TOLD HER WHAT TO DO.  Now even I folks, after years of practice hesitate when it comes to this - in fact folks, I have found the best way forward is to gently suggest OR advise and then run away. Yes, He TOLD her she is not cleaning her teef (what's left of them) properly AND it was all about damage limitation.  HE SOUNDED like a Police man OR a Lawyer Owner shouted at me, as I say, through half her mouth as the rest of it was frozen up.  I mean.X
WHAT about Bertrude you all whisper up, concerned she is being left out due to Owner's selfish teef.  Owner has been hard at it, mastering the new insulin pen AND getting over her needle phobia!! You will all wonder if Owner has any phobia's left!! she has (had to) get through the hospital one (thanks to aged parent) the spidder one (thanks to just having to.) and now the needle one!!! Towards the end of the first week of jabbing Bertrude, she suddenly says to me AM I DOING THIS RIGHT and re read the instructions a million times alright four or five. Then she had to take a wee sample for the Vet.  Luckily neither me nor Ruggles used the pretend facilities set up to aid the capture of said wee.  I know.X
When she finally got Bertrude stuffed into the carrier and carted off to the Vet he said to increase the dosage and they were back in time for MY teatime. X
In other news folks, Owner has been told to take 'a step back' from all the complaining about aged parent supposedly (she says) FOR MY good health.  Between me and you folks I think it is so they can all catch up on the paperwork AND plan their next silly old excuse and apology. Meanwhile, Owner shows no signs of 'stepping back.'  At the beginning of this BUSY BEE week, Owner met a new student who might like some support from her.  Personally I think it ought to be the other way round but who am I? It all went well and Owner only fell out with one teacher who was French and did not make Owner BIEN VENUE! XX
Donwald the Trump and Melomenia have wrestled with Macron's hand til you thought it would fall off and Tresa Grey has said she 'shed a tear'.  As Owner was fairly frothing at the mouth about that I caused a distraction by looking at Ruggles who then hissed at me full on.  Distraction is the latest word used about the nasty Brexit on toast talks. NO ONE, and that is PERSONNE can agree or even agree to disagree about what it is, whatever it really is.  and no one knows that either. END of.  FINIT.X
To round off this stepping up and down week, Rafa went and got knocked out JUST by a player called Muller. Novak said he was injured and trotted off the court and Murraymint limped off too.  WHICH JUST leaves beloved Federer to bash it out in the Men's singles FINALE!!! we love him.X
On the telly, Owner has clung to the LOCH which passeth all understanding so is OK in this housey, and Corrie.  Craigie is challenging the RING of suspects AND this is testing his character!! All about Bethany and if isn't all about her it is all about Aidan and the pretend babee.  In Enders, it is all about the never ending (YAWN says Owner) troup of bully boy girls and thingie and Stephen and Josh.  I know.X
Can next week improve on this one folks?? SURELY it can.  Ruggles is eating for ingerland still and hogging the only chair outback AND hissing in my face now and then whilst Bertrude let me go right up and touch noses!! Even if Owner does think it was down to her being dazed and confused just back from the vets.  I did say do you mean yourself Owner but luckily she didn't hear me above shouting for Federer to GET ON WITH IT!!X
have a Men's Finals at Wimbledon kind of a week folks and be a Winner!!  Big Love Wonka X

Saturday, 8 July 2017

Wonka does Wimbledon!

ARE YOU THERE WONKA? you all shout up really interested since I said Wimbledon. NON, NYET, NO and NEIN!!! (that is to impress Angela Merkel in case she is tuning in.X and those pesky Russians we love them.  most of them.X)

There we are!! glued to it.X

What I mean is folks is that me and Owner have been watching all the matches as much as we can in between her dashing off a complaining email (about aged parent) or attending a meeting (about aged parent) or taking a phone call (about......yes! X).  since Owner lashed out and bought a second telly that lives nicely in the front room she can quickly check what's on (I AM NOT WATCHING THAT RUBBIDGE Wonka ) and that is how I know who is on it at Wimbledon!!  Rafa is on it, Murray mint is on it, Novak is on it AND beloved Roger is more than on it.  Owner as you know is fickle and darts between Novak and Rafa BUT this year is rooting for Roger and end of.  me? thanks for asking, I will be miaowing fiercely up for MURRAYMINT who is to be a Daddy for the 2nd time.  I know. X
There we are!! like last year me and Owner would ideally want to see Roger bash it out with Murraymint.  We shall see...............X
In other news folks Owner trip trapped into the college for a morning and loved it.  HOW I MISS THE STUDENTS she droned to me.  Folks she was fairly busy what with everyone else except for her.  AND big news of the week as far as us felines go is the visit to the vets by Bertie and the massive KERCHING as their cash register gobbled up Owner's card.  beans on toast for the foreseeable Wonka she gabbled to me as she brought said Bertrude home.  NOW WHAT I says suspicious at the big cardboard package with INSULIN PEN written on the side of it.  (I can read you know folks.X)  Bertrude is diabetic!  goodness knows Owner has already transformed herself into a care coordinator come adviser come professional meeting attender and NOW THIS.  it means Owner must get over a MASSIVE needle phobia fast.
I just have to dab at Bertrude twice a day with this pen thing she droned to me.  Folks, I can read your minds from here.  The nice vet gave her a demonstration that seemed to (quote from Owner who was dazed and confused) be over in a flash!  So now she is a Vet folks.  I know.  I love it.X
In the horrid political world Jezzer has gone very quiet and we wonder if he is having a transplant or a facelift or a brain wash somewhere.  In contrast, Tresa Grey who lost her personality a long time ago, is busy jetting off to G20 summit things and meeting (a bit like Owner really) important well alright downright powerful folks from all other nations.  Whoever is in charge of the other parties and I do think there are some, well we haven't heard from them.  BUT, the story out there and we wish it was fake news, is that silly old Donwald the Trump is set to come to Lunnon Town SOON.  X
Now that Versailles is over (SOB) Broken is finished (More SOB) we are left with Corrie and poor Bethanee is still busy feeling guilty for what is NOT her doing, and where is good Craig??  Enders has a new and very chav family that Owner has taken to.  There is no accounting for Owner's taste is there.  She still cannot stand Staycee who is still alive and all loving towards the world, and that other one who is with steve and fancies Josh.  We are clinging to The Loch even though we are not sure who did what.X
Now next week is full of appts for Owner!! BUT some of then are not the nice ones - not like hair appts oh alright that could go wrong, BUT one of them is to do with her teef.  I'M NOT THINKING about it Wonka she moaned up to me.  but from what she tells me up, it is a good dentist and he will look after Owner.  Goodness knows, I KNOW, how tricky that is.  What of Ruggles You all suddenly want to know.  He is fine, and apart from being pat and mick in the deep of the night, scratting in his ears and making a funny warbling noise, pinching the best seats outside before I can get to them - oh and hissing in my face HE IS FINE.
Now get ready for next week and TAKE NO PRISONERS!!
Big Love Wonka X

Saturday, 1 July 2017

Bond, Mr Michael Bond.X

EVENING ALL!!! YES I am as fine as the beauty day we just had out there AT LAST that smelly old sea fret lifted to reveal a blue sky and sunny shine.  For at least three or was it four it felt like more (ah I do like a Rupert Bear Rhyme X) days it went chilly, it went rainy it went GREY folks.  And guess what. YES!! you got it right - Owner cheered up briefly out of her relentless complaining and wothaveyou and she cheered up because, Mr Michael Ball and Mr Alfie Boe were soaked to the skin at the Scarborough Open Theatre!!

WHAT IS SO CHEERING about that Wonka you all shout at me wide awake because it is Satdee Evening.  I'll tell you folks, it cheered Owner up because she does not like Mr Boe.  What of Mr Ball though you all wonder up?  Despite him taking over the Sundee show that darling Tezzer Wogan used to do, Owner is still alright there.  I know.  Folks, there is no rhyme or reason to Owner and her likings.X

There we are!! with Owner's tribute to Paddington Bear who was created by Mr Michael Bond and we love him.  Night Night to Mr Bond who has popped to the room next door now.  What a wonderful legacy says Owner going all serious and such like, to leave us with such a bear.X
Now it has been a busy bee week and frankly folks Owner has been here there and there again.  If she wasn't droning on the phone to someone alright complaining, she was actually having a face to face meeting with them and folks - I cannot tell you enough times how scary that is.  Me?  thanks for asking I've been up and doing, helping Bertrude out with the biscuit trough, having a little game of battles with Ruggles AND my best mate Poppet from up the end there came round and let me sniff her from my side of the gate!!  all we saw was her shadow moving and Owner scaled the gate to look over the top ready to shout GO AWAY to clodagh bunny who has been stalking the fledglings.  Two of them sheltered in the outback the other morning and Owner thinks, escaped nicely. it is all happening outback folks.X
What about Owner's hair you all whisper to me concerned it is overgrown yellowish brown and a mess. Fate has stepped in folks and led Owner to a new hairdresser!! Called Shadow!  she now looks a million dollars and I made sure I told her that the minute she fell back through the good front door with all that shopping. X
On the silly old political front, Jezzer is on about the many and not the few which is different from them and us and Tresa Grey hasn't said anything into her microphone on that stand thing today.  All are arguing about Brexit and as you know Bertrude is set against it as are me, Rugglesis and Owner.x
Telly wise, Owner has clung to the soaps and those singing wotsits where you all shout very loudly but no one can hear you, and then the wrong ones get through and the ones you really liked all say THANKS for the experience and then go home and cry their eyes out.x
Now next week is coming up to be another busy bee week and Bertrude is booked into see her fave vet on wednesdee. IT's JUST A CHECK up drones Owner but I never believe that story folks and I have tried to warn Bertrude of course I have, but every time I look at her and before I have chance to speak does she hiss at me and pad off under the bed.  I mean.X
Be on your bestist behaviour folks and don't let the side down! smooth fur and fresh whiskers!!  That should see them all offski.  Big Love Wonka X

Saturday, 24 June 2017

Wonka does his weekly.X

Listen up folks, stop what you are doing and LISTEN UP.
Now what Wonka you all say, really irritable and wotnot.

This week has been slightly only slightly improved on last week.
Owner has drifted through it only annoying a couple of people as opposed to four five or six, and SO FAR is still talking to daughter, aged sibling and Mother.  THIS is an achievement folks.  As you know Owner can easily provoke and cause an upset whilst telling me that it is THEM not her.  I know.x  In other more important news, Owner has discovered my secret hidey.  In an all out search for me the other day she finally spied me. X
There we are!!  Just having a pleasant 5 mins zzzzzzzzzzzzzz THERE YOU ARE WONKA!! x  It is a tiny cupboard housing the supposed silent boiler and all those pipey switchy things.  I love it in there.  used to love it in there..........X
What else hasn't been happening?  The latest formal complaint is ticking over nicely says Owner, and the next fish and chip outing is still going ahead despite Owner having a slight (only slightly) argument with the nice community transport firm (it is a charity Wonka! she drones to me X) when booking aged parent's journey.  WE ARE NOT A TAXI service they told her.  I KNOW she says back and then gives them a half an hour lecture all about that.  Luckily, the nice man still booked aged parent's journey.X
A week in politics can be very boring except if you live in ingerland with Tresa Grey and all going on and on about stuff and getting heckled by anyone really.  Jezzer has gone quiet and it is just left to a few others to keep the flag flying.  Owner made the silly mistake (one of many folks.X) of saying something to one of the flag flyers on twitter and there is no end to it now.  Goodness, I says up, did you have to rattle their flags Owner?  But it was bordering on a snack time so it came out in a bit of a whisper.X
On the telly we have been square eyed with Broken (toute sad) with Corrie (edge of your seat with nasty Nathan and Bethenee) even Enders got some of our attention.  Owner has taken to muttering at thingy who is with Steve but fancies Josh and her endless pouty face (according to Owner).  It has overtaken Stacee and her relentless everything is loverlee.)  Versailles came to a witchey end and there is to be more!! Tonight we will cling to a singing thing and beloved Casualtee. Ah. Charley Farley nursey will interfere and intervene on our Satdee night.X
I've rescued a bee Wonka! does Owner shout to me.  I did say I haven't got time to answer you I'm busy bee-ing it with this good diary!!  Is she writing anything Wonka? you all wonder up.  Well folks she has started Conversations with Wonka part Eight!! Usually this takes a long time to get going and I think Owner is a binge writer!! She writes in short bursts saving up all those ideas and then suddenly cracks on with it.X
There we are!! We never give up on Wonka Stories.X

Now today folks is Armed Forces Day, and blow me down if those Red Arrows aren't flying over our little town.  Owner thinks we may spy them from one of our windows which nicely looks down on the very bay they are flapping over.  I MAY TAKE SOME SNAPS she drones to me.  OH I says. X
What of Ruggles and Bertie bubb??  Bertie has got through the heatwave with hardly a murmur and is sleeping for Ingerland.  Ruggles has also enjoyed the sun and even liked the new umbrella that Owner set up over the workbench until the wind blew (ever so slightly) and the whole thing fell over.  The umbrella that is.  Naturally since then Ruggles is not overkeen on it.X
The next week may be alright folks who knows.  We must face it square on, with our fur all brushed up the right way and whiskers a tingling!! Have fun and Big Love Wonka X

Friday, 23 June 2017

The Cat Who Never Was!

Howdy Up Folks and herewith a little linky thing to my newest AND in my humble catopinion - bestest story:
The Cat Who Never Was ! XX

One of Owner's beauty illustrations from the story.X

And remember folks, it is on a night such as this one, that Oodles would enjoy the most. X

See you soon, big Love Wonka X

Saturday, 17 June 2017

Wonka's Week.X

HAVE YOU BEEN ALRIGHT Wonka? you all wonder up, dazzled by the bright sunlight and just crawled out of your pits I mean beds.  Listen folks - I can weather any storm me, just give me enough food (YES I am still on that pesky diet) enough facilities AND the run of the housey and I'm sugar dandy!!  Owner you say?

Owner has been to a new dentist and shelled out a lot of munney to hear BAD NEWS.  At least one toof has failed.  IS IT AT THE FRONT Wonka? you all worry up.  OFCOURSEITIS X  The upside to this is as follows.
1.  No one will notice as Owner will never show her teef again.  OH YES SHE WILL! but a lopsided smile is always in fashion.
2.  She will have the toof out in really plush surroundings where all know her name and take their time pulling it out. OUCH.x
3. You get what you pay for Wonka, she droned to me, and if it means paying through the .................x

What else has been happening chez nous? THIS:
YES SIREE! When it is baking hot outside, then you must make the bread and be baking hot inside!!  Mad cats and Inglishwomen..... bake bread in the noon day sun!! XX
We have clung to Corrie and Enders where there is a new and funny load of characters.  As you know Owner has taken a strong dislike to Stacee (who is so happy she will be run over in the next episode OR lose the precious mite.X) and has also started going on about thingie, MAX's daughter and sister of ABBEE.  all she does is pout and lie. What's to like says Owner? and for once folks I was so hot I agreed with her.  Now this new family are liars and cheats BUT they are funny with it.  Being funny folks, that counts for everything.  Over in Corrie we must rely on Craig the newbie policeman to smell a rat and save Bethanee, and Daniel is in full victimhood wiv just nice Ken on his side.  Versaille has zoomed up to the last but one episode and how will we manage.  Owner has a thing for Fabien AND I have said something folks as he is a spy, a detective and chief interrogator for Louis - how she can fall for someone so mean? so demanding? so furry oh no that is me! X
In other news folks, we hardly dare switch the telly on any news channel as there are folks shouting, angry and forming marches and such like.  naturally it is Tresa Grey who gets it and naturally Jezzer is still saintly.  Good Tim Farron has resigned as (and I try to quote folks) he could not 'reconcile his faith with his politics'.  Well who can?  more lying I spose folks.  has anyone stood out as a peaceful strong dignified personage this week?  THE QUEEN. She has. And folks, it is her official birfdee plus a troop of the colour.  here is our tribute to her 90th:

There she is !! we love her and say HAPPI OFFICIAL BIRFDEE MA'AM X
What of Bertrude and Ruggles you whisper up, tired out now what with the news and the hot sun.  Bertrude is resting up as purr and Ruggles has been in and out and in and out and .......................X
Owner is still on the scrap heap although she has had a call from one of those pesky agencies about September work!! NO FEAR she goes to me, and I did say you mustn't pin your hopes on (list) 1. finding fame ( I know.x) 2. those pesky students wanting you back at their college - but I did mention this from my secret hidey and Owner may have missed it whilst shouting at thingie on the telly.X
Do take it steady folks, and try to not to overdo it - you all know how much I rush round checking here and eyeballing there, but folks I do have a nice lay down in between!! Be good and Big Love Wonka X

Saturday, 10 June 2017

Wonka's political mash up!


folks, it's all gone a bit willy wonka in our house even Ruggles has gone funny about it and you know he is a big fan of the survive at all costs party - hang on! There isn't one of those! Bertrude, he she and it are on with the eat sleep and do the other party MORE HANG ON there isn't one of those me? THANKS for asking as I've had to put up with a lot of greens talking from Owner when secretly I have always admired Ken Clark.......HE'S NO LONGER DOIN THE MP Malarky!!

and now a nice picture of me and Marilyn:
There we are!! nothing DE RIEN to do with any silly old party left right or how's your father.  AS PURR it is all about me.X
So guess what? NO that is not it.  Owner trotted off and voted for her and aged parent and stayed up late to see the Exit Poll.
HUNG PARLIAMENT!!!! we were stuck like glue folks AND we were stuck like it to channel 4 and our new fave David Mitchell.  he said the Eff word about Brexit and Owner has been in love with him ever since!  I did say to her is that wise Owner it will only encourage you to come out with the same thing and think that's ok because a celebrity did but luckily she didn't hear a word due to gasping and cheering at the telly.X
WHERE DOES ALL OF THIS LEAVE YOU Wonka?? I'll tell you folks I've had my work cut out trying to keep Owner off the social media and away from those feisty jezzer fans who are still out in droves defending their leader! Her mood setting has been racing up and down the setting and I have feared for my teatime.  What is worse, is she woke up the other morning and made a SNAP DECISION.  And we all know what happens when you do that.
WHAT WAS IT WONKA?  only to pop me on a diet!!! but it's alright I have been sneaking into Rugglesis dish and there is Bertrudes to tuck into so I mustn't complain OR blame the BBC!!
There is no other news really folks as Tresa Grey is on the slippery slope now and may as well put those bins out. She's been talking to an irish set up called DUPE or something very like that and even written a speech for the Queen.  Jezzer is celebrating a victory that fell a tiny bit short of one, and Nicola, our fave in Sconny botland seems to have lost a couple of votes here and there. What of nice Timmy you all shout up at last engaged in the political process??  he is still standing and had a big go at Tresa from his podium.  We love him X(we still love Leanne, big Leanne from Welsh Wales and Caroline who is a full on Green.X and Mr Botley and all.X)
To cheer you up and cheer you on, herewith another beauty photo of MOI! X
There is always a future looming I mean a brighter future looming folks WITH ME IN IT!X  Big love for the week ahead folks, be strong!! be steady!!! be furry and purry!! Big extra love Wonka X

Saturday, 3 June 2017

To be or what to be...

WHAT NOW Wonka you all gasp out well into your satdees?

If our good pal Shakespeare hadn't said it first OWNER would have invented it. NOT the best of weeks and as for that outrageous fortune!!! WHERE IS IT shouted Owner to no one there!!

If Owner had been one of us she would have looked like this:

YES SIREE!!! It is our beloved Bertie Betrude who used to look very disgruntled and now looks just a bit fed up.X

Just because you are slightly scrap heaped Owner I advised, alright it was in a whisper from my secret hidey - yes I says you must look on the bright side!! The Greens could still win a massive majority of SEATS not VOTES (I know my politics.X) and govern the country!! Jezzer could finally vanish into the socialist sunset and Tresa Grey could retire to a little village (called little Snoring.X) and Timmy nice Timmy could maybe sharpen up a bit. I haven't forgotten good Leanne from Welsh Wales OR my fave Nicola who is busy whipping up a storm in Scotland!! In our dreams, in our dreams folks.X

What else has happened you all wonder up?  Owner went and purchased a bead curtain thing to hang at the good kitchen door and the flies love it! The come straight through to inspect our food dishes and facilities.  I am promising a good cartoon out of this I am.X  BUT whilst in the massive shop that sells hardware and other fiddly bits of metal and wood and supplies of paint fit to paint the whole world, she went and bought the very expensive tin of varnish to splash on her Dad's workbench. (It stands proudly outback for us to lay on.) AND splashed it on twice late at night in the week JUST BEFORE torrential rain.
is it weatherproof Wonka you all ask up hopefully.
FOR THAT Price folks it needs to withstand hurricanes, those whirly things (tornados X) trident if anyone ever gets round to pressing the old button..X

Finally folks (BritGotTalent is on tonight and we are stuck to it like glue. Our fave is little Ned and thingy from Malaria I mean that other place, and we do love a sing song.X) have you been keeping up with Corrie?? It turns out Ken is just an old so and so who all family want to tap on the head with a heavy red book, BUT Daniel wanted it most, and Bethanee is rescued BUT is dead against it and Nick has turned his back on Leeane.  I mean.  Owner refused to watch Enders in case Staycee drove her over the edge so goodness knows what is going on there except Shirlee shouting at Witnee.X

Have a better week folks, and Owner is in line for one she really is. PS Did I tell you I made a leap for freedom over the back gate? And when I got over the other side I realised folks............... I DIDN'T LIKE IT!!! Owner sprang into action and flung the gate open and says I rushed back through it like a greyhound out of the traps! Ruggles has shown no signs of making a break for it and has only hissed at me a couple of times.  Bertrude has been sunbathing in the bathroom by the window and really startled Owner who is used to seeing Betrude under the bed not outside of it.  I know X

Big Love Wonka XX

Saturday, 27 May 2017

InBacks and Outbacks.

WHATHO my hearties it has been a week for Chelsea flower show, and all things GREEN. 

Is Owner going to vote Green Wonka you all wonder up, fed up to the back teef (more on this later) with election hokerypokery.

SHE MAY DO.  here is what Owner will not do.

1.  vote for that back in the stable not strong woman Tresa Grey. (tick)
2.  vote for that whispering one minute shoutey the next Jezzer (tick)
3. waver about the other ones Tim thingy Liberal dem and has been known to go shouty and red faced (half a tick)(still wavering)(I mean)
4. Not in mill years (giant Tick X)

this much we know folks.  AND you know what happened in americee IT MUST NOT come over here.  donwald the trump is a lesson to us all.  End of.X

There I am!!! Can you see me basking in the sunnyshine on top of Owner's Dad's workbench.  I love it out there and have practically stopped hissing and growling at Owner, at Ruggles and at the plants OH and that gnome.  I love him.X
In other news folks, Owner has finally crawled to the end of the contract with those pesky 6th form students and is on the scrap heap.  YES she knows all about these heaps and is only slightly despondent.  On a setting of about 4 to 5 folks which I might say I can live with.X
There she is!! atop the scrap heap which folks, is in keeping with flower show things AND green things too. will it last? watch this space because Owner's is always hopeful and EVERGREEN!!! boboom.X
Finally folks, the teef thing.  Owner announced on Mundee night in the middle of, MY TOOTH HURTS please let it be a touch of neuralgia or something very like that ANYTHING but toofache.
folks it was the wrong one and everyone TOUS LES MONDE had to suffer alongside Owner.  The Dentist and I mean the ex dentist folks was forced at stare point to prescribe antibiotics! The chemist had to hurry up with them!  The GP had to prescribe painkillers! And finally, at 5 pm on Tuesdee, Owner could say to me WONKA the pain has ceased.  All horrid things must have a good side and here it is.  Owner is booked in with a dentist who will call her by her name instead of skipping that minor detail, who will tell her nicely and lead up to the news that a toof OR two may need a lot of treatment AND of course it will be very expensive.  hallo credit card and goodbye to Dentists who have no people skills.  The end of.X
The telly has featured here and there and FINALLY FOLKS we know who cracked Ken over the nut in Corrie.  it was smarmy old thingy who claims to be his long lost son and shacked up with that other one we cannot for the life of us recall her name.  him and her anyway.  Is it Daniel cries Owner proud to remember.  Alright I goes, tell me the name of his girlfriend who got arrested for nothing. I CAN'T she droned back to me.  In Enders there are new people and old people returning, jack has been arrested for something and Max has gone a bit sopranos.  Stacey keeps saying how much she loves everyone and everything and Owner thinks she is for the chop, or her bloke, or the babe.X
The new week is hovering at the other side of a bank holidee for us folks. That, and no work for at least a week which will give Owner time to assess the new hair shade and either love it OR rush out for another box of kit. Me? thanks for asking, a bit fed up with real fish and chick but I'll get there - Ruggles keeps waving his paw at me and I keep waving back! and Bertrude let me walk past the other night without batting an eye OR hissing. Owner did wonder if she can see.  I know.X
Keep your furry chins up folks and tell anyone who even slightly disagrees with you to go and brush themselves up the wrong way!!! big Love Wonka X

Saturday, 20 May 2017

Giving up is not for us!

WHAT IS THIS WONKA! you all mutter up, meaning to say HAS OWNER CAVED IN AND RUN AWAY TO SCOTLAND???

Has she heck as like as Steve would say in Corrie but to be fair folks, and you know that is my middle name or is it FUR!!!!   to be fair, she has had plenty to run away about. (LIST. you know you love our LISTS.X)
1.  No one that is PERSONNE believed her about aged sibling's lost munney. It has caused a lot of upset especially when Owner went all detective a la prime suspect and said who took it!! The nice policeman wrote it all down and said things like - we are talking about damage limitation.  I know X
2.  I did tell Owner not to make that phone call, the one where she went hysterical and called everyone very stupid (although it is the watershed I cannot repeat what she really said.X) it is alright though as all think she is a bit mad anyway (don't forget folks she does not bother to proof read this diary thingie so I am in the clear.x)
3. She has not heard back from anyone at the good publishers Austin Macauley to explain why NO ONE or PERSONNE has heard of or is reading our fab stories. And this despite a million emails folks!!


Here we are folks!! this is our very latest story self published on #amazonkindle - it is entered into a big fat competition and if we win it I will personally eat all those biscuits up yes those ones that I usually leave for ruggles.X BUT it does not have to win the competition JUST YOUR HEARTS!!!! X
Somehow Owner staggered to the end of a horrid week only weeping here and there and only shouting at other drivers A LOT. I am just grateful Wonka, she droned to me, that they cannot hear what I am swearing I mean saying.X
Me? thanks for asking, I have done myself proud, going OUTSIDE into real outback breathing in real sea air and sniffing every single leaf and weed growing in a pot.  As for that gnome I KNEW YOU WERE A GNOME.X
Ruggles has been darting here and there laying on Owner's Dad's bench outback and pretending he knows it all.  Bertrude has got under my paws a couple of times but mostly just hissed in my face.X
I turn round for two seconds and this silly old diary publishes itself, DOH.  What I meant to report on was the silly old election debate where silly old Tresa Grey stopped at home and as for Jezzer I dare say he was on a rally somewhere.  BUT folks, it gave those pesky Greens a chance to shine and we love them!x  In telly world we have clung to Corrie and poor Bethanee will she get rescued from horrid thingie who she is engaged to.  Feelan is still getting away with murder and Nick is suspicious of everyone but the babe who isn't his.  I know.X  Enders has spun off into food bank land and Witnee has gone on a spending spree with NO MUNNEY and Mick has said he will never leave her again. I know.X  There were other programmes to watch but with Owner's attention span whittling down to half a second at best, it has to be FAST and GOOD if you see what I mean.X
Now surely this coming week which is Owner's last week at college (how she will miss those smartphone addicted students X) must be an improvement on last? and if it isn't folks that escape plan to Scotland is BACK ON!! cat carrier alert!! Seriously folks, sleek down that fur tell yourself you look THE BIZ and jump and down on anyone who tells you different!  Big Love Wonka X