Saturday, 30 December 2017

Wonka's look back and look forward! New Year 2018

WHAT HO FOLKS and thanks for waiting for my wondrous round up of Twenty Seventeen!! Was it good or was it incredibly relentlessly RELENTLESS????? X

There we are!! That was my little old tribute to 2017 with beloved Nicholas Bear (aka the Last Bear).  No doubt folks I will see this New year in just the same - snuggled down on my giant nest! Ruggles can shake down on his new best pilleycase and so can Bertie Bubb.  Fireworks? We admire them on the telly with the sound down.  End of.X
Now folks as for 2017 I did say to Owner, I said.  WHAT WERE YOUR HIGHLIGHTS?  so after a long pause, scratching round in her hundreds of memories she came up with (list):
1.  Wonka's Egyptian Tale being published (folks this was my highlight too.X) in Feburary.
2.  Going to New York New York, also in February.  I LOVED IT she droned to me.  Folks, it was nice and relaxing without Owner fussing around but folks, ME and Rug and Bertrude were very happy when she trots back in full of tales of the Empire State Building, and that Statue, AND that Museum AND Brooklyn Bridge.X
3.  finding a fab new Hairdressers called Shadow (yes really X) by complete accident after saying cherio to the longstanding one alright cancelling an appointment and just not making another one.  Sorry! X (PS Owner has just had her hair done and she looks like a film star!  X)
Is that it Owner? I goes being very patient and hanging on for more. IF I WERE TO SUM UP THIS YEAR she goes back to me - please do I says bearing in mind folks it was very close to our tea time...... IF ANYTHING WASN'T RIGHT - then it had to be put right.  And mostly folks it was.  There were the ageds. (TICK), there was daughter and grandson (TICK) there was Owner's little surgery thingy wotsit in Hospital (I did feel for those staff.....TICK) all sorts of things were put right and sorted out until you couldn't put a whisker of doubt on any of it!!! But wait! Owner has another good thing to add for 2017:
There we are!!  this sketch by my bestest Owner in the known galaxy, was turned into a print and then onto a canvas and guess what folks!! someone wanted to buy it and after a lot of scrabbling around and talking it over with Aged parent, a sum was decided on, and it was sold!! I know ! X
And so, at least one of the resolutions in this houseyhold, aside from doing some more of my stories (the Sea Shanty one, oh and Owner is talking of one called - 'Rugglesis Story' - naturally I wasn't keen straight off BUT being the storyteller I am, AND as long as I am in charge of the story, I might consider it folks..... but the big resolution is for Owner to have more of the Teds printed up and put out for PURRchase!! X
Enough about pesky new thingy wotsits for twentyeighteen folks here is my much awaited pollytical round up.  someone with the unlikely name of Lord Adonis has told Tresa Grey what to do with her game of brexit.  Of course he said it as he was leaving his job as that is when folks, you actually say what you mean (or so Owner tells me....X).  Whether this has made a tiny trickle of difference we must hold out for the good new year to find out folks.  CAN IT ALL GET ANY WORSE Wonka you all shout up eager for some hope -  well here's one thing folks, if we leave it all to Jezzer we'll be out of the EEEWE before you can all fall back to sleep on your giant nests.  As for Vinnie, he must be hanging upside down somewhere and the Greens, well enough said folks.  Where oh where is that knight in shining pollytics to sort it!! Where is our Thomas Shelby!!  anyhow, it is all a big mess and I haven't even mentioned that shadowy group Momentarily and I'm not going to.  End of.X
Over on the telly world Owner has been transfixed by those Pesky blinders and is in love with Tom Shelbee.  Like the rest of the nation.  My fave is Arfur.  I do love him lots.  Ruggles is all for young Michael and Bertrude does take to Adah.  There are other progs and in Corrie I am proud to announce the return of Carling Black eyebrows.  Feelan is lying low somewhere and Eileen his poor lied to wifey is being kind to Billee who has killed Peter's sister (by accident) BUT Peter has not turned to the demon drink.  No.  And Don Barlow is keeping a keen eye on the street.... in Enders Mad max tried to jump off a roof but instead Abbie and thingy did it for him.  I did hear Owner suggest it would have been better if Stacee had been up there...................X
The three of us wish you everything you wish for yourselves in the New Year! X

Now folks, whatever your year has been like and goodness knows it has been the same with me, you must now turn your furry heads to the future.  You must preen up, and look the BIZ, you must dust off ALL your old action plans and funny old goals and MAKE THEM HAPPEN.  ME, Rugglesis and Bertrude oh alright and Owner all wish you and yours the finest, sleekest, sassiest year evah!  Do enjoy your New Year's Eve wotsits and I will see you in twenty eighteen!  Big Love Wonka XXXXXX


Saturday, 23 December 2017

Be A Star!!

Merry 23 December folks!!  here we are on the Eve of the Eve!!

Here we are!!  This is the beauty card Owner did for our first Christmas in our new home and I said to her I said WHY NOT POP IT ON AGAIN AS IT IS SO GOOD?  alright Wonka, she droned back to me, and for your delectation and delight.....XX
I do hope you have all survived (list)
1.. The Christmas Party at work.  Owner got all dolled up and looked the BIZ but was home within a couple of hours.  I AM TOO ANCIENT Wonka, she told me up, to go trooping round pubs in the freezing cold and being sociable.  Personally I think it was the strain of keeping up a conversation that put Owner off and I did tell her she was never one for small talk but luckily this was in a whisper from the uppermost room in the house.X
2.  Going round the shops.  Owner paid a visit in the car with no name to the Supermarket that is like a maze and even more so once they changed all the aisles because another store had moved in to cuddle up and make money out of us.  I know.  Anyhow, Owner said going round the shop was simple it was trying to drive away that took all the time up.  I did say how about walking, but again this was muttered from well behind the door in the cosy sitting room on the first floor whilst Owner was slaving away I mean putting away said shopping.
3.  Having enough real food in as we all know those little snacks and biscuits and chocolates ARE NOT FILLING.  Don't forget the bread and milk I shouted just as Owner sped off for the LAST SHOP.X
I will leave you to consider how on earth Tresa Grey is still clinging to Number Ten and why changing the colour of the passport should be vaguely interesting.  jezzer will be digging up the sprouts on his allotment and as for Vinnie that is anyone's guess.X
We have the Christmas Radio Times AND the sherry so just to wish all you folk out there a good and peaceful Christmas Day just like we will have here.  big Love and a very Merry Christmas whoever you are, whatever the colour of your FUR or the length of your whiskers!! from ME, Ruggles and Bertrude AND Owner.XX

Saturday, 16 December 2017

Ho Ho Ho !!

Tis the Season to be JOLLY fahlahlahlahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh  ......
Are you in a festive mood folks like me??  Do not fear Wonka is here to get you near to Christmas!  I have been very busy what with my daily Christmas Advent and such like, yes, leaping around checking on Bertrude, chasing I mean checking on Ruggles, it has been FULL ON busy in this house.  Now last week I did give you a few Christmas tips and I am pleased to say that Christmas has arrived in this house.  YES, the Christmas edition of the Radio Times has landed.
'All I need for Christmas' droned Owner to a poor colleague forced to listen to her as they were in the confined galley kitchen at work 'is the Christmas Radio Times and a large bottle of Sherry'  The poor colleague tried to tell Owner where to purchase a cheap bottle of Sherry only to be told severely 'IT MUST BE HARVEYS.' end of.X

There we are! A special Christmas List for a small child - little Joe who is one of the characters in #JoesChristmas - that is Joe's Mum who doesn't realise that her wish for Joe's Christmas will come true! You will have to read the story though to find out how and it is alongside all the #wonkastories on by my best Owner in the entire known galaxy #MadeleineMasterson X
No one, Personne is ever really ready for Christmas and perhaps you think to yourselves, under all the glitter and glam, where is the real Christmas story.  DO YOU MEAN THE THREE KINGS Wonka? you all shout at me wide awake and sitting up on your good settees.  YES, DA, MAIS OUI and Dankeshen.  The shepherds up on that hill saw the star and followed it too. they all knew something special was happening and who would have thought it....the baby in the manger coming into the world to save it.  In a minute I will be singing 'little Donkey' followed by ' a long time ago, in Bethlehem.'  X

Well lookey here if it isn't me and the book you must read if you have missed it so far folks - 'Great Expectations' by Mr Charles Dickens..... we do all have great expectations at this time of year and perhaps like Pip you will follow your dream regardless.... next week I will have another Christmas read to recommend folks, and our best story, #wonkaschristmasstory does wave a small paw at it.X
In the merry old world of what some folks call pollytics starring Tresa Grey, as the dull and blameless leader, surrounded by scheming subjects called things like Boris and David, oh and there is small band of whispering rebels or is it revels no that is sweets, headed up by Jezzer when he is not on his allotment - well they are just busy really with a spot of negotiating here and a spot of rebelling there, enough to keep a few comics I mean tabloids busy.  There is no sign of anyone doing anything else except revving up for their Christmas parties.  End of.X
We have clung very nicely to Corrie, and despite being arrested and REMANDED because she is so dangerous, NOT, is Anna, well she only upped and escaped from hospital!! And, she is still on the run, AND, her good adopted daughter has realised she is telling the truth!! To round this off, Bethany has noticed that Craig is the catch of her life and is going steady.  BLISS.  in Enders the wicked family that have single handedly (phew, words.) taken over the square despite people like Fil and thingy in the queen Vic, oh yes and Shazzer and Shirl, well they got rid of MAX who is now playing the evil, stabbed in the back by just about everyone, to the hilt.  We love im and I am sure that Fil will SORT IT.  Owner has loved Strictly and voted for Joe and Katya now her fave has gone who was Davood. ME? thanks for asking, I am rooting for............. the underdog who is Gemma.  Debbie may well go on to win it as she is a fab dancer and has lots of adoring fans.  Alexandra has cried relentlessly throughout the show and will be on top form tonight!  I haven't mentioned Owner's new obsession with Thomas Shelby from Peaky Blinders and I'm not going to.X
Now this coming week, Owner is set to leave the good college which has sheltered her AND US from starvation.  She is still relying on some secret plan to keep us going and let us all hope it does.X (PS she has had an offer to buy one of her best sketches and this may keep the wolf from the door for a day or two........)X
So enjoy your little furry purry selves, finish your lists, post your cards, and open the sherry!  Big Love Wonka X

Saturday, 9 December 2017

Wonka's Christmas Tips X

Howdy up FOLKS and a thousand sorries I am a tad late with this.
POURQUOI? or just plain WHY some of you raise your heads off the settee and ask me??? it is all Owner's fault for not helping me end of.  and I mean it.X
There we are!!! The first Christmassy tipperooni!!! Owner presented me and Ruggles with a mousey each and guess what? NO that is not it!! the mouses are in the very same place as when Owner unpacked them and said TADDAH!!  The same happened with my crinkly wind tunnel thing (it frightened me A LOT) and the same thing happened with my circular scratchy thing with some balls in it.  WE DID NOT PLAY WITH THEM!! so my best Christmas Tip is - stop buying all those fancy toys and just give us a cork, a cotton reel, a box (preferably from AMAZEN X)
Is Owner ready for Christmas? NYET, NON, or just plain not very.  She has been buying food for other people, she has written a list with one word on it folks and that is HARVEYs.  if there is no sherry in the house on Christmas Eve I am packing up and leaving on the next reindeer folks..............X
In other Christmas Tip news we wait nervously for the Christmas Radio Times, without which (like the Sherry) Christmas cannot be ok.  We HOPE for some good progs folks but tell you to buy it anyway as you can read it whilst NOT watching what is NOT on the tv.
Now this week, due to being later than late, I am cutting this good blog short.  There will be NO POLLYTICs (YIPPEE) and it is safe to say for my third Christmas Tip I tell you to avoid any mention of brexit for breakfast, lunch ,tea or suppee.  Bertrude know very well how to do this and will never JAMAIS support it, on toast or not.X
My final tiperooni is to READ MY Christmas Story!!  lo and behold did Owner receive out of the blue, a note from Henry.  WHO, you all shout up excited, is he?? HE, he tells us up is Owner's new marketing thingy.  and HE has replaced Casey.  (no need to ask who they are, they have left.  They did nothing DE RIEN for Owner and they are probably doing nothing wherever they are now.)  BUT Henry, he says he will do all he can to advertise our story!! We love him.  And here is said story.....x

There it is!! You can read it still for free (but without all those fab illustrations from Owner, on OR you could visit the shop in the sky Amazon, or just look for it in any good bookshop.  it is still one of my favourite stories folks and Owner is even now tweeting it on Twitter!! X
So folks I leave you with my best tip of all, and that is to keep enjoying yourselves whether it is reading, writing, drawing, BE CREATIVE and it will make you happi.  and I must rush as I need to check on Ruggles who keeps pinching the best hot spot by the rad!! Then I may pop up another level and check the level of biscuits in Bertrude's trough!!X
We are glued to Satdee night telly and thanks to the relentless love in for one of the Strictly Dahncers we are afraid to declare our love for any other of the rest!!  BUT we will and it is all of them as our fave has gone.........Davood we loved you and Nadiya we did!!X
Next week now take it steady, no bibbing your horns for no good reason (I did tell Owner off about this, in a whisper, from my best hidey...she assured me that she will never do it again at least til tomorrow....X) and keep warm!  Big Love Wonka X

Saturday, 2 December 2017

A Royal engagement !

Owner rushed homeo alright chugged homeo more like last Mundee full of this news. At Last Wonka! she said all excited, 'Prince Harry is engaged....' of course I did take interest folks as it was cuddling right up to my teatime, so I said all the right things like:
1. Is it to that nice film star Meghan (tick)
2. will Harry be able to go on and live happily ever after as his Mum surely will be wishing from her heavenly sphere (tick)
3. Will there be a good run up to the wedding which is in springtime with lots of lovely photees and such (HUGE tick)

According to the papers so far, there will not be a bank holidee and all were hoping for this.  End of.X
There we are!! this is Owner's first big tribute to the happi couple who will tie the knot in St George's good chapel AND some ordinary folk will get to share in their big day.  Will you apply for a Golden Ticket Owner?  I asked up.. YES I WILL she droned to me, IT IS HISTORY IN THE MAKING. X
This big news rather overshadowed (good use of word) all else in our tiny week in our miniscule world. Has Owner's hair stayed right Wonka you all wonder up, concerned suddenly with this.....NON, NYET, and just plain NO.  Alongside all her other frets and worries, her hair has refused to sit right and this alone has caused probs and a huge drop in her mood setting.  She is even now going to trot to the good hairdressers and plead for a trim.  YES I keep telling Owner how lovely she looks especially in the run up to breakfast, mid morning snack, lunch, dinner, tea and suppertime and any extras we can fit in. X
I am now whispering the next bit folks as it is serious news that could end up with this household starving and such like.  IS SHE STILL LEAVING HER JOB Wonka?  YES folks she is stuck to her decision like glue saying things like, all will be well (?) and IT IS TIME.  I know.X
In the wild and bizarre world of pollytics or what passes for that, Donwald the trump became even more infant like posting things on twitter that a three year old might consider DE TROP. (excellent turn of phrase.X) Tresa May roused from her terminal downhill slide to respond with such force it could have made a cobweb tremble.  jezzer whispered something from his allotment, Vinnie said nowt and in effect folks, it was left to the likes of common garden citizens to take affront.  I mean.X
Owner has fallen in love - NO they are not real, it is Tom Shelby in Peaky Blinders.  We sat and watched the entire first series and we gobbled it up it was so nice tasting.  There is talk of us doing the same with Series Two tomorrow and Owner even rescinded (OOH) her membership with Netflix so we can continue on....... elsewhere, Enders has been taken over by Mad Max and his horrid new friends.  Ben is battered and left to rot in his own garage (what will Fil do??) and the Queen Vic has a new and gruesome owner.  At least Staycee was not involved.  In Corrie the dark strands continue and are only made lighter by Gemma falling in love and ditto with Henry from the Brewery.  This is such a huge achievement, Owner's mood setting did alter slightly.  There is Strictly booboos tonight and our hopes ride on Davood and Nadiya AND Mollie and AJ we love them to shreds.  YES it is the Hex Factor final which has rushed up on us and surely Raksu will Win it.
There we are!! One of Owner's best cartoons to celebrate the gorgeous dreamy waltz. X
We are smackerooni on with a full Moon folks so do go steady on the howling AND Mercury is to go retrograde which means that whatever was in a muddle and going slowly in the first place will now go even slower.  if you are in the middle of a spat or a row or something very like that expect it to linger like a cold.  I know.X
ME, thanks for asking, and Ruggles and Bertrude are all faring well and looking forward to the season of goodwill and plenty.  We love everything and everyone and that's that.  DO enjoy the coming week and any of those little XMAS bazarres and such like. Keep Warm and Purry!  big Love Wonka  X



Saturday, 25 November 2017

Coping with REJECTION! x

NOW WHAT Wonka you all wonder up in your dreamy Satdee states.  The clue folks, is in the title of this good post.  If at first, you trip up and fall over your paws, then TRY TRY Again!!!
Or, to put it in Owner's new fave phrase (that I dare not say to her right now) Fall Down Today, Get back up Tomorrow!!X

Has she got back up yet Wonka you all whisper to me? having a giant cold and feeling old daft and ugly is not helping folks. I have tried saying things like ME RUGGLES and BERTIE love you!  so does the ageds PLUS some others, some of the time.  I know that, she drones to me sneezing into the toilet roll and then blowing her nose for 5 mins.  Better to have that cold now I goes to her, rather than over the festive season.  I know that, she says making another mug of hot orange and cramming down some more tablets. I mean, I am trying folks really hard but when Owner is on zero setting, my work is cut out.X

Everyone swears by honey and lemon and Owner is no stranger to swearing .....I mean the recipe for colds!! X
Does this mean Wonka, she did not get the job she could do in her sleep with hands tied etc.  yes folks that is right.  Now normally, most folk would take it on the chin and say things like - it just wasn't for me, OR, it is not my moment, OR ke serah serah, but Owner is more dramatic and handed her notice in instead.  I did ask how we would all fare come the new year but she was too busy zooming down to zero mood setting to tell me.  BUT her hair has finally gone right AND she is busy being a creative bee, with a new sketch here and talk of going to the printers there.... All to play for Owner I shouted! from the safety of my best hidey.  I love it.
Now do listen up, as Owner supports a new charity called Tiny Tim or something like that. anyhow all the details are on this good cartoon and if you donate even a tiny miniscule amount it will help stray mums and their Kits to be, OR newborn Kits.  X

There we are!! Owner quite cheered up doing this cartoon so I do hope you like it too.XX
In the silly old world of pollytics where people like Boris get paid for having a bad hairdo and talking nonsense, we had a budget (?) we heard more brexit on toast and deadlines and such and we also caught a snippet of Jezzer and how angry he was about something.  This means he must be fed up with his allotment and is now turning his attention to the big garden of the united kingdom.  Well we must be united about something...............  Donwald the Trump is still in the white house or on a golf course, and Tresa May is still at No 10. somehow folks we have dragged through another year of tory rhubarb.  Where will it end? (soon I hope shouted Owner! x)
On the telly, we have soldiered on with Corrie and nasty Feelan has persuaded SEb who surely must need a brain scan now, that Anna shoved him off the ladder, whilst appearing in the street at practically the same time to call an ambulance for him (?) we have soldiered on with Robert telling everyone to shove off when they wanted to help him and now he has lost Ten thou in a poker game. Will Meechelle still luv him lots?  It rather stretches it to think she will droned Owner who for some reason has latched onto Enders.  is it because it is now Staycee light?  Strictly continues to enthrall us and we so want Davood and Nadiya to win it.  Owner has not warmed to Alexandra and gorka and it is too late best fave is Susan and kevin I love them. In the Hex Factor it should be RakSu wot wins it as they are the BIZ,X
Next Satdee it will be December folks and time for a relentless count down to the Big Day that is Christmas day.  I will be trying hard to be Christmassy EVEN if Owner is still bemoaning her fate. Don't forget this year is slightly put out by good daughter and grandson whipping over to the Netherlands and (so far....x) staying there.  SO no exchange of stockings and careful purchasing of things that will post!  it will all come right Owner I promised, just like Jimmy Stewart in 'It's a Wonderful Life ' X
Now next week (do I always say this up folks) cannot be a repeat of all the rejection of this week.  it must do better!! If Owner can survive family spats, job rejections, severe colds THEN it is all to play for.  Come on!!  Keep warm, check that fur out and maybe a tiny dab with the claw..... Big Love Wonka X

Saturday, 18 November 2017

Feed The Birds!

NOW WHAT Wonka you all mutter to me, dozing away or simply sat around doing RIEN!! Owner has been fretting about the pigeons and yes those other more interesting little fluttery ones. (sparrows X).  since the old chap who lives further down that is to say, a garden but one away, has disappeared (gone into hospital, gone to the room next door, a road trip...................? x) the little feeder has been swinging around EMPTY of birdseed.  The pigeons all live on the roof of said old chap, and hunker down looking sorry for themselves. I MUST DO SOMETHING announced Owner last weekend.  personally I am all in favour of this as it means I have a close up view of could say it is a bird's eye view!!!! I know!!! X

Who is that Wonka?  Well it is not me folks no, it is the naughty clodagh bunny as Owner has named her (or him) and this folks is the danger to those pigeons....... I HAVE WARNED THEM says Owner, (X) to fly off at the slightest sign of any felines.  At the mo, Owner is sprinkling two tons of wild bird seed on a tiny brick shelf the other side of our good fence.  without reading any instructions we can all look forward to overweight pigeons quite soon.  I know X BUT as she insists on telling me, the delicate balancing act to get onto this small shelf will use up all that energy!!!! End of.X

In between fussing about the wildlife ME, Ruggles and Bertrude have managed to get on with our dailies quite nicely thank you.  Bertrude hasn't mentioned the lack of insulin (such a minute amount she won't notice it burbled Owner......X) and is trotting back and forth unassisted.  Just the odd hiss as I wander past, that's all folks.  Now Ruggles is beating me to it for the best seat by the searing hot rad.  The other night I was all comfy and snug and did he tap me on the leg with his paw!! Owner has made a big cartoon out of it and laughed for ages - I could not see the funny side and said so.X

In the wickedy world of what passes for politics Donwald the Trump continues to act without thinking and surely this is a skill most presidents have to offer? All but this latest one it seems and over here Tresa May keeps popping back and forth over to this place in Europe and the other muttering stuff about Brexit dates and no one in this household gives a fig.  We are concerned that Jezzer is on his own road trip or stuck on his allotment or something as it is just that horrid (Owner's thoughts well alright and mine. and rug and Bubster's) John Mcworrel or something very like it.  he keeps popping up and telling us what to do.  I DON'T LIKE HIM she droned to me folks and when Owner doesn't like someone............X

On the job front Owner has managed to get herself an interview for the job she thought she might or might not get.  if we were to make a list of Owner's pet hates having an interview would vie with (good use of word there if it is a word and I want it to be a word.X) going to the dentist for NUMERO UNO.  WHAT would be Owner's second - now this folks is tricky, as any message or communication from the family would count here OR noisy neighbours.  Forget the countdown from 3 - 10 as that is a blur of people eating and making a noise to running out of choc limes.
She is making an interview preparation list and I have said things like: keep it simple, don't wander off, don't answer questions 1 - 10 in the first question, don't tell jokes or be funny. At least Owner's hair is looking the biz and that could be the clincher.X

Over on the telly, Owner has been having a series of early nights which has meant missing the Apprentice (not a huge gap for us.X) but missing that nice new drama about a topknot.  SHALL I CATCH UP TODAY Wonka she mumbled to me and I said YES SIREE.  We are keeping pace with Corrie and Norris may be a Dad to thingy who has the Korner Shop now, thingy married the other thingy despite having a pash for Kate and Feelan is trying to form an alliance with Grandma to be Anna!! YES we watched Enders as Staycee has a small storyline and BEN has a big one getting mixed up with some nasties.  I want you to be happi! goes his Mum.  Fil may or may not sort it.  In Strictly we said cherio to our fave Ruthie and Anton, and herewith Owner's tribute to them.  it is Blackpool ballroom tonight and so there is a second cartoon for this as WE LOVE IT!! X
There they are!! foxtrotting into the sunset...........we loved them X

And there goes the coach of Strictly Tours heading for the Blackpool Ballroom!! See you all there later!X

So next week folks will have a new moon to see us through it, and if you have an interview for a new job DO put on your best furry purry look and smile, smile, smile!! Big Love Wonka X

Saturday, 11 November 2017

Lest We Forget X

FOLKS, Listen up, it is Armistice Day all around the good World and all of us in this merry old household, treasure this  moment to Remember Them. X

There we are!  it is enshrined in this #conversations about Percy (to the left) and George (to the right) both Great Uncles to Owner, and both gave their lives for us, in WW1.  I know.  Their photos live in the study, and Percy is next to his Mum.  YES! Owner does talk to them as if they were here, but it is alright only I know about it and our beloved reader who is out there somewhere (like the song) reading all about it.  We love you!! X and if you feel like a change of readery, this book and all the others are to be hunted down and read on
What else, in this momentous (phew) week has been going on?  The cousins arrived on Tuesdee and were whisked into this goodly home and made very welcome indeed.By me. Ruggles hid under the red settee that was his first and best hidey and only came out in the deep of night to use the facilities and eat.  Bertrude did the same thing only from under the bed.But it was alright as the two cousins thought I was grand! (isn't he a big cat! OOOHHH!!) then it was a mad whirling two days whilst Owner whirled to work, whirled home and whirled out again.  We loved it, and it is sad they are not here enjoying our beauty homestead.X
For some reason, Boris the foreign something is holding onto his post in the cabinet whilst all others are falling like ninepins.  He is stuck there like a piece of resistant wrigleys. Even Jezzer (who?) has not laid off so many of his ministers lately.  Give it time shouted Owner give it time!! Vinnie may or may not still be leading up those pesky lib dems but he is as quiet as a mouse about it. Donwald the Trump is clinging onto his post despite a million allegations but no one PERSONNE has said You're Fired as yet.  We live in hope folks.X
Sound of Klaxon and drum roll: why is that you all shout at me impatient for some gossip!  Owner is poised to apply for an internal vacancy that she thinks has her name written through it. I'll either get it or I won't she droned to me.  I did say, with all your aeons of experience and skills it would be a poor show if you weren't first in line but she didn't hear me above being philosophical and wotnot.It's those poor students who I worry about..........X
Over on the telly front it has been a week for catching up.  We are all square with Enders and it's been a good week as Stacee has stayed out of it.  We've had silly old Meeshell and Shazzer and little Janet who was run over by thingy who had a one night stand with Billy but NO ONE must tell his wifey.  I know.  Other than this it is a matter of keeping pace with Corrie where Anna may or may not have been arrested for that GBH thing against Seb, Mary might have frightened off her new found familee and Aiden may have pounced on his next victim mistaking  outright friendliness for much much more.  As this is quite topical at the moment especially in the glittering world of show biz and politics (same thing X) we like it as a relevant storyline.  Owner did point that out to me or was it the other way round?X

We all sit down for It Takes Two with the joyful Zoe Ball and our faves to win now are Davood and Nadiya.  Aston was ejected last week amid OUTCRIES and such like.  Here is Owner's tribute to him and his partner.X

There they are!! DID NOT DESERVE to go out before this week and the Blackpool week!!! X
Over on the hex Factor all is pretty well predictable.  Owner is clinging to the groups which are good this year AND there is lots of news about Dancin on Ice too. At this rate Owner I did say to her, you will have no time to write a new story.....she did listen to me for a change and muttered about having started is the new Sea Shanty one folks. And, I will keep telling her about it, as it won't write itself!!! (or will it?X)
Next week is just around the gatepost folks, and will it be as thrilling as this one?  It could far surpass it!! In which case put your best furry coat on, give yourself a good wash round and best paw forward!! Big Love Wonka X

Saturday, 4 November 2017

Wonka Time!

YES SIREE!! When it is Satdee, and when it is round about this time then it is WONKA TIME XXXX
Here I am!! pause for imaginary applause and shouts of WE LOVE YOU WONKA XXXXX  Well a cat can dream................
How was your week out there in the wicked sometimes downright disappointing world folks??  I have to say since you are asking MY week was good.  A little checking here, a little mucking about with ruggles there and A LOT of looking at Bertrude there.  NO she doesn't like being looked at for some reason.  I mean.X
Now as for Owner, there is a LOT as purr to report.  First up was the dingly dangly job of invigilating folks.  WHY OH WHY does she pop herself in line for these pesky troublesome jobs.  this one had TRUBLE written all over it and it all went funny on Wednesdee.  Personally I put it all down to Scorpio and the full moon folks and I am not usually wrong.  Did Owner get herself over it you all shout up at me?  YES she did, saying things like, these things happen Wonka, and it wasn't their fault that I WAS RIGHT and they had to apologise later.  I know.There are two more exams for Owner to carry on being gracious about and then we can all stand down.  Sigh.X
What else has happened?  The good vets who charge a fortune if we just mention Bertrude's name has only gone and run out of her insulin pen thingy wotsits and want Owner to fool around with a bottle of very expensive insulin and some needles.  DO I LOOK LIKE A VET? she goes to the nice vet assistant, who luckily didn't try to answer that....after a fruitless search in the known universe alright the other vets, no nice insulin capsule that slots into the very expensive pen can be found.  After a brief phone call with the Vet who tried hard (7 out of 10) to convince Owner it was the bottle or nothing, Owner decided on nothing. IF ANYTHING DRAMATIC happens to Bertrude she droned we will rethink.  I suspect folks that once the nice vet came off the phone he will have wanted a shot of something too.X
There she is!! and folks don't worry as Owner droned to aged parent yesterdee there is really no difference between Bertrude on her miniscule amount of insulin or when she isn't.  Too much about the Vets and not enough about the Pets she says!! X
ME?? thanks for asking, I am chipper and since being waltzed off to the vets for my booster as fit as the fleas I haven't got.X
In the confusing world of politics it really isn't clear folks who is in charge of the country as they are all busy resigning.  We think Tresa Grey is fairly busy NOT issuing details of brexit on toast so we all know what has been happening and NOT getting on with anyone and NOT appearing on any tv programmes where she has to talk or tell us stuff.  she has told a few people off though.  As for Jezzer we think he is somewhere and Vinnie has been quoted a few times saying things for the good.  Really folks, and as you know, we live in trubbled and confusing times.X  ps I haven't mentioned Donwald the Trump and I'm not going to.X
In Corrie Anna has been arrested for pushing Seb off a ladder when all she did was rush to help him.  Is Feelan behind it YES because he is so bad he is behind everything in that street.  She was interviewed as quick as you like AND there is that corroborating evidence thingy. Owner particularly liked Kevin's face when Anna said she had a row with Feelan who got her in a headlock and that is how she lost her earring which then turned up as the big piece of evidence meaning she had done it!!!!!!!! Phew!! In Enders and probably the main reason Owner has not sunk to mood setting zero is that Staycee has gone moaning off into an invisible room and instead we had those sisters who hate each other hating each other plus those girls throwing aside their really ace boyfriends for imaginary better ones.  I know.  We are clinging onto Strictly and want Davood to win out and Owner thinks he will (BIG TIP OF THE DAY) we are cuddling up to Hex Factor and the groups AND there is the nail biting gunpowder folks.  it is violent, it is all chasings and dungeons and torture and WE LOVE IT.
The big news for next week is that Owner's cousins are landing.  This has meant a total spring clean in October and November and goodness knows where I can find my best toys. Ruggles will go into hiding and Bertrude will not know any difference which is exactly her approach to all of it.  There may be a secret philosophy hidden under the bed with her, and if there is folks you can trust me to check it out.
It was raining, but now it has stopped and taken on the mantle (get me) of a nice day.  Owner has announced she is doing DE RIEN as this is her new Satdee routine.  Fridee is the new Satdee where she flies round annoying I mean visiting the ageds and shopping.  You have all been warned. The end.X
Do enjoy your satdees whatever they are full of folks, and next week surely will be the week of our dreams - it has to happen!!
Put your best paw forward and bristle those whiskers!! Big Love Wonka X

Saturday, 28 October 2017


Well now folks, are you into your good Satdees yet??? YES WE ARE in this house, now that Owner has finally sat down saying things like 'I'm just going to do this job, I'm just going to do that......'

This only happens folks when Owner has SOME TIME OFF.  There is a warning klaxon for this as ME, Ruggles and oh alright the bubster who we think knows what is happening in the world whilst slumbering through it - yes we all know this means ACTION STATIONS.  The only way Owner will stop doing things is when she flings off on one of her BACK SOON Wonka trips that can last up to FIVE whole days folks.  No such luck this half term OH NO. 
She has thrown out, moved round, cleaned behind it THERE WAS nowhere in this silly old mansion that got left out.X

Why a beauty cartoon of MOI?? because folks before I knew what was happening I was whisked off to the good vets.  For my annual Booster it turns out, to save me from the dread cat flu.  I know.  You will recall when I came down with an excellent dose of this 2 minutes before Owner was to go on her grande European tour.  It was action stations for the credit card and two years on I still give out the odd sneeze and snuffle.  STOP IT! she shouts.X
What of daughter and grandson over the sea in sunny Helmond.  It has been up and down folks and Owner keeps saying things like: 'this is all perfectly normal' (luckily in a text with no way of being shouted at or hung up in mid text for being annoying) - and ' It's such a big change you are bound to feel like......... (fill in the dots folks.  I would suggest - like flinging yourself off to the airport and getting the next one home OR going on a giant spending spree to cheer yourself up a tad OR eating a whole packet of those sweets now.)  I did say to Owner, I said, go easy on the advice Owner you are on a losing ticket whatever you come up with, you may as well just agree it is horrible, why did you even do it etc - but luckily this was said sotte voce (OH WHAT!!) from under my best new sunlamp in the little telly room.X  PS there hasn't been a knock at the door yet..........
Here we are folks!  Yes it is that time of year to let the hour go!!!  Owner will be busy doing the rounds of each room to do this little job and every year A TIMEPIECE IS LEFT OUT!! which one will it be this year.........and do not forget folks that our best #spooky tale on is all about the lost hour...........X
In between all the ripping up of old bit of paper and Owner going 'That's not important Wonka! Why am I keeping that!', we caught up with world events.  Tresa Grey keeps popping round the EEEWE and such like and Boris keeps pretending he is not after her job.  Jezzer has also emerged (like this word) from his allotment or knitting circle to say a few timely things in PM's quizzers.  Like the answer to three down and two across is FORTHEMANY. Phew.X
There was only one real happening in the soaps folks and it was NASTY ROTTEN LYING THROUGH HIS TEEF Feelan. Now he has flung off on his holidee with Eileen can't tell the truth from the lies I love my psycho husband, and all we know is THERE WILL BE MORE.  Once they get a taste for it folks............... over in Enders, Max has dumped his trickster frends for now and Staycee has gone quiet thus saving the day for Owner.  The X Factor has gone and picked some lucky people off that settee to join us on our settee every week until it is nearly Christmas, and in strictly the beat goes on BUT without our scarecrow Brian Conley we loved him.Who will it be this week?? Owner has consulted her crystal and says: it could be a shocker.............OOH (to go with Halloween.X)

Suddenly folks and without any warning, the kettle stopped being a kettle and turned into a bit of metal on a plug.  WHY goes Owner, POURQUOI is it not working?  I've only had it five minutes!' Owner says this about any piece of electrical doodah that is hovering around the 5 year mark.  In other words folks, most things must last forever BUT DON't.  The above is one of a long list of kettles that have adorned our kitchen.  Due to a turn around in the old routine (the visits to the ageds have been swapped folks to release Satdee for things like kettles breaking down instead of Owner.) Owner will not be rushing out today to capture a new one.  In the meantime folks a good saucy pan has been employed (like it like it) for the task of brewing up.X

As the new week looks likely to be upon us fairly soon folks I leave with you Owner's latest saying: make the unfamiliar FAMILIAR!! Big Love Wonka X

Saturday, 21 October 2017

Bon voyage!

WHO IS LEAVING Wonka you all want to know seeing that beauty headline?? Only Owner's best and only Daughter and Grandson folks!!!! they flew off to the Netherlands on thursdee and they landed safely and happily at the other end!!

There they go!! not to forget little Peggy!! fancy her flying too. XX
Did Owner cry buckets Wonka? you all extra want to know.  She did weep a little bit when she rang them on the night before.  she did weep a little bit more when they flew off BUT folks, it is to a new and happy future so I dare say there will be mini breaks here and long weekends there where ME oh alright and ruggles and Minnie haha I mean Bertrude upstairs can relaxez vous.   Now if Owner was in her best GCSE English class, the teacher might have said to Owner 'That was a long sentence how could you have punctuated that to break it up blah blah.' NO the teacher never says blah blah that is me saying that.  I would have said I did break it up with a BUT and there is a comma, end of.X
What else in this bon voyage of a week has happened folks?? Owner spent packets of money on what seemed to me hardly anything at all.  it was a couple of stacking boxes and yes they had owls all over them but HOW MUCH?? I like them droned Owner who has already popped them down in the study where they will wait (and wait) to be filled up with things that should be going in the blue or green bin.  I know.  there was a lime green washing up bowl.  I do like lime green and if I jump up on the linen basket I can admire it in the sink.  there were two more container things which are now in the bathroom with THINGS in them.  I did say to Owner, is there a metaphor here? but she was too busy transporting (nice word) things from one place into things in another.X
There have been storms folks, called names and the latest one is Brian.  The other one made the sun go red and the sky go yellow.  Ruggles didn't notice overmuch and he is too intent on eating my food and sleeping in my hidey (the boiler cupboard) and Bertrude trip traps between bedroom and bathroom and had the nerve to look at me as if I were a stranger!! ME who was here first.  she has nicely got over the cat flu and if any of us does a slight sneeze Owner shouts STOP IT.X
In the muddled world of plotics I mean politics folks, Tresa grey has gone here and there and sat down for dinner with EU people and given a speech.  What about, some folks are saying, doing something instead of just droning on about it? As Owner is wont to say less talking and more doing!! Jezzer is still talking up his wonderful world where all are on decent pay, nursed at the drop of a broken down hat and in permanent lovely jobs.  OH and all go home at the end of a happy day to a beauty house that is so cheap a cat like me could buy it OR it is the best social housing since the Romans built a few of their everlasting builds.  Where are they now? Those pesky Romans.  Ousted by Celts and Picts and that.  I know.X  PS no sign of Vinnie as yet although he may pop up in Corrie who knows.X
Talking of Corrie Reetah has vanished and we have to ask if she knows where she is?? Nasty Feelan has sacked thingy who Anna is looking after but nice Tim has taken him on.  someone attacked Feelan who survived where anyone else would be in intensive care on a drip and saying their last prayers and wotnot.  he told Eileen who is blind to his constant lies that IT IS JUST A SCRATCH.  What next you all wonder up?  Owner managed to get through Enders EVEN though Staycee once more is grabbing storylines like they are going out of fashion.  NO ONE ELSE personne folks is getting a look in and JAYNE has been chased out of the square by Mad Max who whispers menacingly and looks bewildered at the same time.  I quite like Max says Owner.  I did the right thing folks, I said nothing.X
YES we are stuck like Owner's best Dad's glue that was aroldite, to Strictly AND the hex Factor.  This week is Judge's Mouses and you know how much we like that bit.  Weeping on the settee as they are told NO you must go home or YES you must entertain the troops that is us.  In Strictly we still love Oti and Jonnie we do, AND Mollie and AJ and our new faves are the sunshine couple Susan and Kev from Grimsby. It is anyone's game folks it is.X
The final bit of good news in this week is that like all those millions of happy children and teenagers pretending to be grown up and failing by a mile YES it is half term. Owner has no plans other that a long list of TO DOs.  The exciting news to come is that Owner's best cousin and her son MAY be popping through for a visit.  this means A LOT of hiding from the monster which as we all know lives on cat fur and all those bits and bobs that fall off us.
WHAT IS THAT? questions Owner as she picks these invisible to the naked eye bits off my best pillycase.  IT'S JUST a bit of cat thingies I says up. OH, she goes back.X
Now do go on and enjoy your good weekend AND the week ahead.  Keep a good eye on those opportunities you never know which corner they are lurking round!! wash you fur until it gleams!! and quiver those whiskers! Big Love Wonka X

Friday, 13 October 2017

Wonka's Weekly doodah.

HALLOAH UP FOLKS!! now we all know who really heads things up in our homeo, who rules the roost, who mixes their metaphors and wotnot NO IT IS NOT ME of course it is Owner BUT, it must be said that my opinions and my input do count. YES they do.  for a small instance folks, when Owner says I CAN'T WAIT TO COME BACK HOME... oh no that is every day, well maybe when she drones to me how much she cannot wait.... and this week had a lot of that in it due to (one of those subtle OOH WORD bangs of a big gong on a drum thing.x) visits to aged sibling to help out with some admin. We all know that is death to Owner, followed by a trip to the dentist. worse than death for Owner.  IS SHE STILL ALIVE Wonka you all shout up? anxious and worried about how ME alright and ruggles and bertrude would cope on our own......YES, very alive and all proud of itself for not weeping throughout the extraction AND able to eat and drink straight away.  I know.X

Owner has a long and proud reputation of weeping in the dentist's chair but has finally burst through her very own fear of the dentist hoop!!! YAY!! X
You will all want to know that Bertrude has gone through her cat flu hoop, the most expensive cat to-date with just the odd sneeze and snuffle left.  I have been warned NOT TO GET IT Wonka! and so has Ruggles.  Seeing as he is fast over in the boiler cupboard and will only waken for some fodder, I cannot see him catching anything.End of.X
In the other big news of the week, Owner has near enough managed not to upset anyone at the college over much.  That she knows of. so she still has a job to go back to on Mundee and me and the others are OK for biscuits too.
Owner read it somewhere that Donwald the Trump is to visit our tiny miniscule island with his spray tan I mean his wife next year. Owner is sure this is to give the majority of the country enough time to organise itself into a giant rebellious crowd.  What I says, like that one in history, racking my brains for a name and I come up with Wat Tyler.  WHO? shouts Owner impatient now for some good solid historical facts.  WAT I shouts back.  alright from well behind the study door in a muffled whisper that she may not have picked up. Boris is still speaking on behalf of some of the tory party which is so split I am not sure which bit he speaks for, and as for Jezzer, he said on camera he voted to remain, but Owner insists he looked sheepish whilst saying it.  The body cannot lie she says. good Vinnie well we know he is out there somewhere.....X
In Corrie Reetah has had an operation AND is still alive and knows that Norris is Norris.  This surely proves her sanity?  Feelan is our Friday the 13th nasty - and cooking up his plot to replace thingy with another wastrel in that cellar.  His saintly daughter is to have Gary's babe whether Feelan approves or not and Eileen who has failed to notice her husband is a psychopath is on hand to advise. Enders for some reason has concentrated on Staycee and her madness thus stoking up Owner's inner demons- that and jane regaining her wits in the hospital bed with mad max sitting at the bedside.  thank goodness for the dancing and the singing - one small thing to mention though is Owner's sudden looming dislike for the new judge that is Shirlee.  personally I don't mind a few snapping and snarlings and that was just Bruno folks, and I'm sure she is still finding her tootsies.  Darcy is as purry and furry as ever.  We love her.X
I think this silly old diary went and published itself before I had finished my round up folks! but there we are it is all done except for Owner's tribute to the Dahncing - that is said in Aunty Craig's best voice!!  herewith is Brian and Amy from the Wizard of Oz, if I only had a brain and we love themXXXX
There they are!! One of our faves you see, along with Jonnie and Oti and Mollie and AJ too.XX
It is a big week coming up as Owner is popping to see daughter and grandson before they whisk off to live in the Netherlands!! near to Eindhoven they will be so Owner has promised to drive there when she visits.  IT CAN'T be that hard she droned to me.....I am giving all you good folks over there a good furry heads up and to watch the roads when she does.  I know.X
Now do go onto have a thrilling week yourselves next week when you get to it.  Pounce on it for all you are worth and give it a good claw jab if it tries to escape!! Big Love Wonka X


Saturday, 7 October 2017

Get the Autum Look!!

Howdy up folks and are you in the MODE?? What Mode is that Wonka you all whisper up not really awake yet never mind reading my very best blog. AUTUMN mode that is what.X

Owner has been trying on her entire autumn wardrobe which is made of bits of her Winter, Spring and Summer clothes. All messed about and layered and wotnot.  THIS WILL HAVE TO DO Wonka she tells me up (I was having a few well earned zzzzzzzz so may not have paid full attention folks...X).

it turns out that Owner feels fat and ugly in all seasons folks and I have my work cut out CUT OUT to find the right compliment. I mean.XXXX
There we are!! Now me and Ruggles don't see eye to eye on much (hisssssss grrrrrr) but when Owner says things like ' IS MY TUMMY REALLY THAT STICKY OUTY?? it is best to lurk under the table and out of earshot and everything.XXXX
So possibly folks Owner has got the Autumn look and I have reassured her that those really expensive boots that go with hardly anything that is de rien folks - they look the BIZ.XX ps it is too late to take them back she has worn them and squirted them with that protection thingy. Who Owner...I droned to her...would know?? I know she goes back to me and that is End Of.X
What else Wonka you ask me up, raising your voices a notch, has happened.  Bertrude, who is already costing Owner a small fortune alright bending the credit card then - well she went and got cat flu.  And, did so on a Sundee when NOTHING is opened.  Owner had listened to her sneezing and snuffling in the night and by morning was a nervous wreck pacing up and down until she hit on the expensive idea of calling a vet during closed hours. I KNOW.  we all may as well pack up our meagre belongings and get on the next coach to sconny botland who might let us in if they haven't divorced from little ingerland by then.  YOU DO REALISE droned the vet on call, THAT THIS IS OUT OF HOURS.  Oh yes she goes all merry and bright.  Off they go to the closed surgery and Bertrude comes back having had two of the most expensive injections they have on their menu plus a new cartload of needles and insulin. IS SHE OK you all want to know.  Aside from sneezing and snuffling and poking her nose right in the pilchards (they smell so Owner got tins and tins and I hate the smell of them folks I do.X) she is sugar dandy.X
Me?? thanks for asking, well somehow between Owner's mood swings which swung yesterday dangerously (good word) low, I am alright and fitting in several zzzzzzzzzzzz the minute Owner chucks herself off.  yesterdee she did a surprise hospital visit and it was a surprise as the patient was leaving for home.  IT WAS A complete disaster Wonka she moaned up as she fell back in.  The thing is folks Owner had to drive miles to get there and did not even get a cup of tea whilst there.  It was the surprise from hell and the patient's husband was rude to Owner just to finish the poor visit off. I LOVE YOU! I shouted bearing in mind it was spot on tea time.  And even Rugggles did his best to show some love by half hissing at me instead of full on. The moral of the tale is thus: try to get as much info as poss before you spring any surprises.  End of.XX
The really big news of the week was Tresa Greybot got a frog in her throat during the story conference I mean Tory shebang and all felt sorry for her even more.  It was all POOR TRESA it could happen to anyone and STOP PICKING on our good PM.  it seems only yesterdee folks all were saying that about Jezzer who is still laying low on his vegetable patch.  yes there is Vinnie but where??X
On the telly we are entranced with Strictly and sticking with our best faves that is Jonnie and Oti PLUS Debbie and Gio who Owner still not sure about but is coping with.  NOT SO Staycee who is either going mad again or half mad.  Either way Owner cannot abide it.  In Corrie Reetah had her OP and the Tumour is no more BUT it may have spread..... nasty Feelan is still on the rampage for new victims he is so nasty we hate him he has even crept into a care home.... I DON'T LIKE that storyline says Owner thinking of her own aged parent.  it is only make believe I whispered from round the corner in the dark secret hidey..........XX
Well folks it is all systems go next week as Owner must be brave at the dentist,  This is nigh on impossible but we live hopefully.  if you have to face up to something you do not like folks, remember to FLUFF UP YOUR FUR and look that thing in the eye!! Big Love Wonka XX