Saturday, 24 June 2017

Wonka does his weekly.X

Listen up folks, stop what you are doing and LISTEN UP.
Now what Wonka you all say, really irritable and wotnot.

This week has been slightly only slightly improved on last week.
Owner has drifted through it only annoying a couple of people as opposed to four five or six, and SO FAR is still talking to daughter, aged sibling and Mother.  THIS is an achievement folks.  As you know Owner can easily provoke and cause an upset whilst telling me that it is THEM not her.  I know.x  In other more important news, Owner has discovered my secret hidey.  In an all out search for me the other day she finally spied me. X
There we are!!  Just having a pleasant 5 mins zzzzzzzzzzzzzz THERE YOU ARE WONKA!! x  It is a tiny cupboard housing the supposed silent boiler and all those pipey switchy things.  I love it in there.  used to love it in there..........X
What else hasn't been happening?  The latest formal complaint is ticking over nicely says Owner, and the next fish and chip outing is still going ahead despite Owner having a slight (only slightly) argument with the nice community transport firm (it is a charity Wonka! she drones to me X) when booking aged parent's journey.  WE ARE NOT A TAXI service they told her.  I KNOW she says back and then gives them a half an hour lecture all about that.  Luckily, the nice man still booked aged parent's journey.X
A week in politics can be very boring except if you live in ingerland with Tresa Grey and all going on and on about stuff and getting heckled by anyone really.  Jezzer has gone quiet and it is just left to a few others to keep the flag flying.  Owner made the silly mistake (one of many folks.X) of saying something to one of the flag flyers on twitter and there is no end to it now.  Goodness, I says up, did you have to rattle their flags Owner?  But it was bordering on a snack time so it came out in a bit of a whisper.X
On the telly we have been square eyed with Broken (toute sad) with Corrie (edge of your seat with nasty Nathan and Bethenee) even Enders got some of our attention.  Owner has taken to muttering at thingy who is with Steve but fancies Josh and her endless pouty face (according to Owner).  It has overtaken Stacee and her relentless everything is loverlee.)  Versailles came to a witchey end and there is to be more!! Tonight we will cling to a singing thing and beloved Casualtee. Ah. Charley Farley nursey will interfere and intervene on our Satdee night.X
I've rescued a bee Wonka! does Owner shout to me.  I did say I haven't got time to answer you I'm busy bee-ing it with this good diary!!  Is she writing anything Wonka? you all wonder up.  Well folks she has started Conversations with Wonka part Eight!! Usually this takes a long time to get going and I think Owner is a binge writer!! She writes in short bursts saving up all those ideas and then suddenly cracks on with it.X
There we are!! We never give up on Wonka Stories.X

Now today folks is Armed Forces Day, and blow me down if those Red Arrows aren't flying over our little town.  Owner thinks we may spy them from one of our windows which nicely looks down on the very bay they are flapping over.  I MAY TAKE SOME SNAPS she drones to me.  OH I says. X
What of Ruggles and Bertie bubb??  Bertie has got through the heatwave with hardly a murmur and is sleeping for Ingerland.  Ruggles has also enjoyed the sun and even liked the new umbrella that Owner set up over the workbench until the wind blew (ever so slightly) and the whole thing fell over.  The umbrella that is.  Naturally since then Ruggles is not overkeen on it.X
The next week may be alright folks who knows.  We must face it square on, with our fur all brushed up the right way and whiskers a tingling!! Have fun and Big Love Wonka X

Friday, 23 June 2017

The Cat Who Never Was!

Howdy Up Folks and herewith a little linky thing to my newest AND in my humble catopinion - bestest story:
The Cat Who Never Was ! XX

One of Owner's beauty illustrations from the story.X

And remember folks, it is on a night such as this one, that Oodles would enjoy the most. X

See you soon, big Love Wonka X

Saturday, 17 June 2017

Wonka's Week.X

HAVE YOU BEEN ALRIGHT Wonka? you all wonder up, dazzled by the bright sunlight and just crawled out of your pits I mean beds.  Listen folks - I can weather any storm me, just give me enough food (YES I am still on that pesky diet) enough facilities AND the run of the housey and I'm sugar dandy!!  Owner you say?

Owner has been to a new dentist and shelled out a lot of munney to hear BAD NEWS.  At least one toof has failed.  IS IT AT THE FRONT Wonka? you all worry up.  OFCOURSEITIS X  The upside to this is as follows.
1.  No one will notice as Owner will never show her teef again.  OH YES SHE WILL! but a lopsided smile is always in fashion.
2.  She will have the toof out in really plush surroundings where all know her name and take their time pulling it out. OUCH.x
3. You get what you pay for Wonka, she droned to me, and if it means paying through the .................x

What else has been happening chez nous? THIS:
YES SIREE! When it is baking hot outside, then you must make the bread and be baking hot inside!!  Mad cats and Inglishwomen..... bake bread in the noon day sun!! XX
We have clung to Corrie and Enders where there is a new and funny load of characters.  As you know Owner has taken a strong dislike to Stacee (who is so happy she will be run over in the next episode OR lose the precious mite.X) and has also started going on about thingie, MAX's daughter and sister of ABBEE.  all she does is pout and lie. What's to like says Owner? and for once folks I was so hot I agreed with her.  Now this new family are liars and cheats BUT they are funny with it.  Being funny folks, that counts for everything.  Over in Corrie we must rely on Craig the newbie policeman to smell a rat and save Bethanee, and Daniel is in full victimhood wiv just nice Ken on his side.  Versaille has zoomed up to the last but one episode and how will we manage.  Owner has a thing for Fabien AND I have said something folks as he is a spy, a detective and chief interrogator for Louis - how she can fall for someone so mean? so demanding? so furry oh no that is me! X
In other news folks, we hardly dare switch the telly on any news channel as there are folks shouting, angry and forming marches and such like.  naturally it is Tresa Grey who gets it and naturally Jezzer is still saintly.  Good Tim Farron has resigned as (and I try to quote folks) he could not 'reconcile his faith with his politics'.  Well who can?  more lying I spose folks.  has anyone stood out as a peaceful strong dignified personage this week?  THE QUEEN. She has. And folks, it is her official birfdee plus a troop of the colour.  here is our tribute to her 90th:

There she is !! we love her and say HAPPI OFFICIAL BIRFDEE MA'AM X
What of Bertrude and Ruggles you whisper up, tired out now what with the news and the hot sun.  Bertrude is resting up as purr and Ruggles has been in and out and in and out and .......................X
Owner is still on the scrap heap although she has had a call from one of those pesky agencies about September work!! NO FEAR she goes to me, and I did say you mustn't pin your hopes on (list) 1. finding fame ( I know.x) 2. those pesky students wanting you back at their college - but I did mention this from my secret hidey and Owner may have missed it whilst shouting at thingie on the telly.X
Do take it steady folks, and try to not to overdo it - you all know how much I rush round checking here and eyeballing there, but folks I do have a nice lay down in between!! Be good and Big Love Wonka X

Saturday, 10 June 2017

Wonka's political mash up!


folks, it's all gone a bit willy wonka in our house even Ruggles has gone funny about it and you know he is a big fan of the survive at all costs party - hang on! There isn't one of those! Bertrude, he she and it are on with the eat sleep and do the other party MORE HANG ON there isn't one of those me? THANKS for asking as I've had to put up with a lot of greens talking from Owner when secretly I have always admired Ken Clark.......HE'S NO LONGER DOIN THE MP Malarky!!

and now a nice picture of me and Marilyn:
There we are!! nothing DE RIEN to do with any silly old party left right or how's your father.  AS PURR it is all about me.X
So guess what? NO that is not it.  Owner trotted off and voted for her and aged parent and stayed up late to see the Exit Poll.
HUNG PARLIAMENT!!!! we were stuck like glue folks AND we were stuck like it to channel 4 and our new fave David Mitchell.  he said the Eff word about Brexit and Owner has been in love with him ever since!  I did say to her is that wise Owner it will only encourage you to come out with the same thing and think that's ok because a celebrity did but luckily she didn't hear a word due to gasping and cheering at the telly.X
WHERE DOES ALL OF THIS LEAVE YOU Wonka?? I'll tell you folks I've had my work cut out trying to keep Owner off the social media and away from those feisty jezzer fans who are still out in droves defending their leader! Her mood setting has been racing up and down the setting and I have feared for my teatime.  What is worse, is she woke up the other morning and made a SNAP DECISION.  And we all know what happens when you do that.
WHAT WAS IT WONKA?  only to pop me on a diet!!! but it's alright I have been sneaking into Rugglesis dish and there is Bertrudes to tuck into so I mustn't complain OR blame the BBC!!
There is no other news really folks as Tresa Grey is on the slippery slope now and may as well put those bins out. She's been talking to an irish set up called DUPE or something very like that and even written a speech for the Queen.  Jezzer is celebrating a victory that fell a tiny bit short of one, and Nicola, our fave in Sconny botland seems to have lost a couple of votes here and there. What of nice Timmy you all shout up at last engaged in the political process??  he is still standing and had a big go at Tresa from his podium.  We love him X(we still love Leanne, big Leanne from Welsh Wales and Caroline who is a full on Green.X and Mr Botley and all.X)
To cheer you up and cheer you on, herewith another beauty photo of MOI! X
There is always a future looming I mean a brighter future looming folks WITH ME IN IT!X  Big love for the week ahead folks, be strong!! be steady!!! be furry and purry!! Big extra love Wonka X

Saturday, 3 June 2017

To be or what to be...

WHAT NOW Wonka you all gasp out well into your satdees?

If our good pal Shakespeare hadn't said it first OWNER would have invented it. NOT the best of weeks and as for that outrageous fortune!!! WHERE IS IT shouted Owner to no one there!!

If Owner had been one of us she would have looked like this:

YES SIREE!!! It is our beloved Bertie Betrude who used to look very disgruntled and now looks just a bit fed up.X

Just because you are slightly scrap heaped Owner I advised, alright it was in a whisper from my secret hidey - yes I says you must look on the bright side!! The Greens could still win a massive majority of SEATS not VOTES (I know my politics.X) and govern the country!! Jezzer could finally vanish into the socialist sunset and Tresa Grey could retire to a little village (called little Snoring.X) and Timmy nice Timmy could maybe sharpen up a bit. I haven't forgotten good Leanne from Welsh Wales OR my fave Nicola who is busy whipping up a storm in Scotland!! In our dreams, in our dreams folks.X

What else has happened you all wonder up?  Owner went and purchased a bead curtain thing to hang at the good kitchen door and the flies love it! The come straight through to inspect our food dishes and facilities.  I am promising a good cartoon out of this I am.X  BUT whilst in the massive shop that sells hardware and other fiddly bits of metal and wood and supplies of paint fit to paint the whole world, she went and bought the very expensive tin of varnish to splash on her Dad's workbench. (It stands proudly outback for us to lay on.) AND splashed it on twice late at night in the week JUST BEFORE torrential rain.
is it weatherproof Wonka you all ask up hopefully.
FOR THAT Price folks it needs to withstand hurricanes, those whirly things (tornados X) trident if anyone ever gets round to pressing the old button..X

Finally folks (BritGotTalent is on tonight and we are stuck to it like glue. Our fave is little Ned and thingy from Malaria I mean that other place, and we do love a sing song.X) have you been keeping up with Corrie?? It turns out Ken is just an old so and so who all family want to tap on the head with a heavy red book, BUT Daniel wanted it most, and Bethanee is rescued BUT is dead against it and Nick has turned his back on Leeane.  I mean.  Owner refused to watch Enders in case Staycee drove her over the edge so goodness knows what is going on there except Shirlee shouting at Witnee.X

Have a better week folks, and Owner is in line for one she really is. PS Did I tell you I made a leap for freedom over the back gate? And when I got over the other side I realised folks............... I DIDN'T LIKE IT!!! Owner sprang into action and flung the gate open and says I rushed back through it like a greyhound out of the traps! Ruggles has shown no signs of making a break for it and has only hissed at me a couple of times.  Bertrude has been sunbathing in the bathroom by the window and really startled Owner who is used to seeing Betrude under the bed not outside of it.  I know X

Big Love Wonka XX

Saturday, 27 May 2017

InBacks and Outbacks.

WHATHO my hearties it has been a week for Chelsea flower show, and all things GREEN. 

Is Owner going to vote Green Wonka you all wonder up, fed up to the back teef (more on this later) with election hokerypokery.

SHE MAY DO.  here is what Owner will not do.

1.  vote for that back in the stable not strong woman Tresa Grey. (tick)
2.  vote for that whispering one minute shoutey the next Jezzer (tick)
3. waver about the other ones Tim thingy Liberal dem and has been known to go shouty and red faced (half a tick)(still wavering)(I mean)
4. Not in mill years (giant Tick X)

this much we know folks.  AND you know what happened in americee IT MUST NOT come over here.  donwald the trump is a lesson to us all.  End of.X

There I am!!! Can you see me basking in the sunnyshine on top of Owner's Dad's workbench.  I love it out there and have practically stopped hissing and growling at Owner, at Ruggles and at the plants OH and that gnome.  I love him.X
In other news folks, Owner has finally crawled to the end of the contract with those pesky 6th form students and is on the scrap heap.  YES she knows all about these heaps and is only slightly despondent.  On a setting of about 4 to 5 folks which I might say I can live with.X
There she is!! atop the scrap heap which folks, is in keeping with flower show things AND green things too. will it last? watch this space because Owner's is always hopeful and EVERGREEN!!! boboom.X
Finally folks, the teef thing.  Owner announced on Mundee night in the middle of, MY TOOTH HURTS please let it be a touch of neuralgia or something very like that ANYTHING but toofache.
folks it was the wrong one and everyone TOUS LES MONDE had to suffer alongside Owner.  The Dentist and I mean the ex dentist folks was forced at stare point to prescribe antibiotics! The chemist had to hurry up with them!  The GP had to prescribe painkillers! And finally, at 5 pm on Tuesdee, Owner could say to me WONKA the pain has ceased.  All horrid things must have a good side and here it is.  Owner is booked in with a dentist who will call her by her name instead of skipping that minor detail, who will tell her nicely and lead up to the news that a toof OR two may need a lot of treatment AND of course it will be very expensive.  hallo credit card and goodbye to Dentists who have no people skills.  The end of.X
The telly has featured here and there and FINALLY FOLKS we know who cracked Ken over the nut in Corrie.  it was smarmy old thingy who claims to be his long lost son and shacked up with that other one we cannot for the life of us recall her name.  him and her anyway.  Is it Daniel cries Owner proud to remember.  Alright I goes, tell me the name of his girlfriend who got arrested for nothing. I CAN'T she droned back to me.  In Enders there are new people and old people returning, jack has been arrested for something and Max has gone a bit sopranos.  Stacey keeps saying how much she loves everyone and everything and Owner thinks she is for the chop, or her bloke, or the babe.X
The new week is hovering at the other side of a bank holidee for us folks. That, and no work for at least a week which will give Owner time to assess the new hair shade and either love it OR rush out for another box of kit. Me? thanks for asking, a bit fed up with real fish and chick but I'll get there - Ruggles keeps waving his paw at me and I keep waving back! and Bertrude let me walk past the other night without batting an eye OR hissing. Owner did wonder if she can see.  I know.X
Keep your furry chins up folks and tell anyone who even slightly disagrees with you to go and brush themselves up the wrong way!!! big Love Wonka X

Saturday, 20 May 2017

Giving up is not for us!

WHAT IS THIS WONKA! you all mutter up, meaning to say HAS OWNER CAVED IN AND RUN AWAY TO SCOTLAND???

Has she heck as like as Steve would say in Corrie but to be fair folks, and you know that is my middle name or is it FUR!!!!   to be fair, she has had plenty to run away about. (LIST. you know you love our LISTS.X)
1.  No one that is PERSONNE believed her about aged sibling's lost munney. It has caused a lot of upset especially when Owner went all detective a la prime suspect and said who took it!! The nice policeman wrote it all down and said things like - we are talking about damage limitation.  I know X
2.  I did tell Owner not to make that phone call, the one where she went hysterical and called everyone very stupid (although it is the watershed I cannot repeat what she really said.X) it is alright though as all think she is a bit mad anyway (don't forget folks she does not bother to proof read this diary thingie so I am in the clear.x)
3. She has not heard back from anyone at the good publishers Austin Macauley to explain why NO ONE or PERSONNE has heard of or is reading our fab stories. And this despite a million emails folks!!


Here we are folks!! this is our very latest story self published on #amazonkindle - it is entered into a big fat competition and if we win it I will personally eat all those biscuits up yes those ones that I usually leave for ruggles.X BUT it does not have to win the competition JUST YOUR HEARTS!!!! X
Somehow Owner staggered to the end of a horrid week only weeping here and there and only shouting at other drivers A LOT. I am just grateful Wonka, she droned to me, that they cannot hear what I am swearing I mean saying.X
Me? thanks for asking, I have done myself proud, going OUTSIDE into real outback breathing in real sea air and sniffing every single leaf and weed growing in a pot.  As for that gnome I KNEW YOU WERE A GNOME.X
Ruggles has been darting here and there laying on Owner's Dad's bench outback and pretending he knows it all.  Bertrude has got under my paws a couple of times but mostly just hissed in my face.X
I turn round for two seconds and this silly old diary publishes itself, DOH.  What I meant to report on was the silly old election debate where silly old Tresa Grey stopped at home and as for Jezzer I dare say he was on a rally somewhere.  BUT folks, it gave those pesky Greens a chance to shine and we love them!x  In telly world we have clung to Corrie and poor Bethanee will she get rescued from horrid thingie who she is engaged to.  Feelan is still getting away with murder and Nick is suspicious of everyone but the babe who isn't his.  I know.X  Enders has spun off into food bank land and Witnee has gone on a spending spree with NO MUNNEY and Mick has said he will never leave her again. I know.X  There were other programmes to watch but with Owner's attention span whittling down to half a second at best, it has to be FAST and GOOD if you see what I mean.X
Now surely this coming week which is Owner's last week at college (how she will miss those smartphone addicted students X) must be an improvement on last? and if it isn't folks that escape plan to Scotland is BACK ON!! cat carrier alert!! Seriously folks, sleek down that fur tell yourself you look THE BIZ and jump and down on anyone who tells you different!  Big Love Wonka X

Saturday, 13 May 2017

Sing Sing Sing!

Howdy up folks and all - how has your up and down week been?!
ME? thanks for asking, well I am proud to tell you this

I HAVE BEEN OUTSIDE!!!! Yes me, little ol MOI, has sauntered alright crept down the steps to the miniscule new outback and sniffed and snorted my way round.  Ruggles did hiss a tiny bit when I asked him if it was all clear for those pesky Vikings and I did take a while to sort out who the gnome was.  BUT IN THE MAIN Je t'adore the new vista! and it was only when the giant collie dog thing, who was staying in the holidee cottage next door barked, did I scamper in.  I ask you. X
There I am!! and just poking his snort in is the newbie, Percy Pig.  And there is a newbie pot for the strawbs too.I love it.X
In other special news out latest story, #thecatwhoneverwas is doing alright on the ship shop in the sky amazon kindle, and is entered into a BIG competition. if you could be bothered to read it, Owner could win the blinking thing and I could have a well earned rest. And lots of nice treats I dare say too. Herewith, is another beauty illustration from our new story - (it is cuddling up to a snack time so I must be nice to Owner X).
There it is!! and the cat in question?  Called Oodles. X
yes Owner has been busy as per, or so she says and I whisper back things like well can you be busy and make me some tea, OR, can you be busy and buy us all (how generous am I?x) some real chick.....X Yes Bertrude is fine, resting up all day long, eating real fish all day long, and going as far as the top of the stairs when she gets fed up. X
The telly has kept Owner quite busy, and Saliha a late fave to Mastercheffie went on and won it!! blow us down we had a few faves and she was picked to win it on the final week.  In corrie, Nick has turned fairly nasty and wicked Dave his good bruv has gone the other way to compensate Owner thinks.  She has avoided Enders in case it got on her nerve. Tonight folks, there is the competition to end all competitions it is the good Eurovision. Even the dread brexit cannot put an end to this good contest. Owner says she may watch a tiny bit of it and I said can that be the good bit please.X
In other lesser news the dreary snap election is wading through the usual drafts and leaks and everyone is talking nonsense. I have tried and failed to keep Owner's attention diverted from this, and she has put several rants on FB and Twitter and I ready with some sage advice when needed. like STOP IT!.  FINIT!!  Donwald the Trump is still firing people but then he is used to that from his programme, and Cruela De Grey is on about bringing back fox hunting. Owner has not calmed down after that one, and the RENARD is big news in our home. X
So off we go into another week and what's to do.  Owner is planning a bigger and better website designed professionally this time, and not some toytown effort by her (It is alright she never reads this.X) all about Wonka Stories.  At last I will receive a tiny bit of recognition for all my hard work folks.  it is also the countdown to the end of term and all the students are restless.  I have not mentioned Owner's new hair colour and I an not going to as I very much look forward to my tea time.X
Do enjoy your week folks out there, get yourselves brushed up and whiskers a curling and go get em!! big Love Wonka X

Sunday, 7 May 2017

The Cat Who Never Was - A Wonka Presents! story.

Very Proud to announce the latest story! and specially for our faves, it is free to read for the next week starting from Mundee and close of day Fridee.  X 

This is the UK link to the shop in the sky folks but it is available GLOBALLY.  My whiskers are tingling with excitement they are.  And it looks like this. X
There it is!! and please do get kindling! As soon as Owner can learn how to do it, it will turn into a paperback BUT until then you must be a kindling.
See you soon folks, have a fabuluski week Big love Wonka X

Saturday, 6 May 2017

Back to Blonde!

DO YOU MEAN OWNER Wonka? Yes Siree!  Owner has been bleached and toned and ended up a very light blonde folks.  AND the good news is so far I haven't had to hide in my top secret hideyplace (you know where I mean but don't tell.X)

All of that DOES NOT MEAN she loves it folks.  it does mean she doesn't mind it.  I QUITE LIKE IT WONKA, she droned to me, having tweaked it and sprayed it and changed it round the back and smoothed it etc.  ME? thanks for asking, and personally I preferred it a bit darker but have I said that??? NON!! and when Owner returns from her rounds I will have to be on my guard.  if Aged parent steps out of line and comments (OH I DON'T LIKE THAT!) I will have to pick up the slack folks.  Yes.X

There he is!! Owner's best hairdresser putting up with her WHIMS (Love that word.  may use again. whims.XX)
In other perhaps more important news, the bench got delivered by Ziggy from Bradford and his Missis and Owner was over the moon and back round.  it is snug in its new place outback and Ruggles has sat on it.  What could have been and was building up to be a huge gigantic delivering disastah - came right.  if only the rest of the week had followed that pattern folks.X
Owner has been on top stress setting and did notice there was a programme all about it on Beeb one the other night.  Will you Watch it Owner I said carefully and mindful (get me!X) of my teatime and supper and all those meals to come. NO I DON'T THINK I'LL Bother she drones. I KNOW I'M STRESSED and I don't need a telly prog all about Stress it will make me worse. OH I says back. I mean I know a thing or two about it what with having to cope with moving alright that was a while back, but I still spook myself now and then trundling upstairs and seeing Bertrude up there, just before she rushed back under the bed that is.X
The local elections soldiered on and Owner voted twice once for her and once for Aged parent. As predicted, labour fell to the wayside and as predicted Jezzer took this as a good sign that all was well just a tad challenging. Tresa May refused to jump up and down for joy as strong leaders don't do that stuff.  As for the others they are busy climbing their own mountains.  It is not a subject to engage Owner on and I would have warned that media tutor not to do it but it is too late.  i know.X
There he is! Ruggles sitting in that old wicker chair thing fresh from Daughter's garden and now in our new outback.  he sits outside for all of 2 mins before rushing back home incase it moves like the tardis in Dr Who.X
Owner is ready to pop out to the shops and do her rounds whether she likes her hair or not. usually and as you know folks, bumping into folks you know OR who know you is in direct ratio to how nice you look.  The uglier you feel it is likely you will see ALL OF THEM.  Owner is accustomed to her students saying things like, WE SAW YOU IN SO AND SO MISS. Then she has to rustle up a dim memory of what she had on whether she was talking to herself and what was she buying.  Was it that cheap fish she gets for Bertrude? NO ONE. PERSONNE looks good when they are buying ecomony goods tangible or not (that folks is her dread BTEC business speak coming to the fore. I know.X)
Now another week is lurking, and do take it steady.  NO unnecessary moves, or purchases,  Just keep smiling and pretending you like the way you fur looks today.  Being confident beats ugly days into the back of that Narnia cupboard. See you soon and as per Big Love Wonka X  PS I nearly forgot and I will tell you all about it next time, but Owner has bitten a huge bullet and we are to have a new web page!!! I know!! the designer is coming to meet Owner next Fridee and I am to be on bestist. no chasing the others and no showing off. I mean.X   

Saturday, 29 April 2017

Keep Going!

What a week folks!  Owner has been let down right, left and not to forget that elusive (like this choice of word I am awarding myself 10 out of 10 X) middle ground. ie the Centre! 
ARE YOU SPEAKING POLITICALLY Wonka you all shout up, wide awake and ready for some action.

MACRON! for President!!! that is the war cry in this house folks!  Owner reports to me alright she droned it to me the other day, that Macron is CENTRE LEFT.  NOT far left (No ticks for that one.X) Back in this neck of the woods, there is little to get passionate about.  There are several over the hill worn out politicians who speak in an outdated staccato whisper OR a downright preaching kind of style. Does this mean a change of vote in your house Wonka you all shriek at me, on the edge of your settees to know.

WE ARE GREEN LOCALLY! and proud of it.  As for the dread general election, this is harder as there is NO CENTRE LEFT for us to cling to.  End of my political mash up for this week!!! X

In other more important news, Owner has been let down by a delivery.  We know this is easily done and that all delivery drivers wait until we leave the house, go on holiday, cannot for any known reason get to the door in time, fail to read an invisible phone number or indication as to where the delivery is.  Owner had her item delivered to a 'neighbour' who is not a 'neighbour' and who went on to deliver said item.  I DID NOT ASK FOR THAT she wrote in blazing script to the good customer services;  are they real people I asked Owner up, much later when it was safe to ask such a questions.  They must be she goes back - robots aren't as stupid!!

The second failure on the delivery front was the straightforward transportation of a work bench from A to B.  Did it go off alright?  NOT ON YOUR NELLY.  More trail blazing stuff from Owner who called the non existent man with a van (where?  Mars??) a time waster.  I said, Owner that is pretty good coming from you, and I said it all from my secret hidey hole in the upper layers of the house.X

Has anything gone right Wonka?  Owner's new glasses are a triumph and I am blaming the assertive sales assistant in Pagan and McQuade who was ace.  Somehow she got Owner to spend shed loads of munney (letting her off) on 2 pairs yes DEUX pairs of glasses that make her look great.  End of.X

There we are!! The other pair are an electric blue with extra stuff on that cost a fortune but who cares as Owner is tres jolie in them!! X

On the telly box it has been non stop snooker BUT our hero Ronnie has fallen at the quarters post this time, which is a step forward from the second round post last year.  The dragon Ding has stepped up and is fighting Selby I mean playing against him and we have said a big prayer for him to get to the final again and WIN IT.X

Owner is clinging to The Last Kingdom and blow us down it is finishing next week.  BUT there is Versailles with all its violence and wotsit.  That does keep Owner entertained.  In Enders anything could have happened as we have missed it.  As Owner was on an eleven mood setting for stress this was a good thing, as Staycee or that other one could have sent her funny.  In Corrie we are all on edge because little Bethany has missed the fact that she is NOT in a relationship but in a nasty ring thing - can she be saved in time??X

Now owing to such a fretful week, I have let Owner spend herself silly.  The jury is out on the Lavender room mist, but if it cheers her up I'll bear with it and make sure Ruggles does too.  Ruggles has been out in the new outback and tried to escape by standing on a plant pot and eyeing up the back gate.  NO RUGGLES! shouted Owner.  Bertrude is doing nicely and shown no interest in coming downstairs as yet.X

Take it all in your stride and be strong folks!! These are testing times wherever you are on the globe with funny old presidents doing what they like! Has anyone told them it is not a board game it is real!! have a make over and cheer yourselves up - more on this next week when make overs are US.  Big Love Wonka X

Saturday, 22 April 2017

Earth Day!

Morning up folks I mean afternoon up or even Buenos nochas!!! or something very like that. X

yes we have reached the end of another momentous week. and what a lovely way to round it off folks with the new TRELLIS yes TRELLIS in place to stop ruggles or ME wandering off into the big unknown and not coming back for tea time.  After much fretting, worrying and anxiety ridden thoughts (I will not like it, why did I ask the good handyman to do it, I will never get used to it, it will block the view and so on from Owner X) Owner loves it to bits.
AND there will be a special extra diary to show you how lovely it is coming shortly. In the meantime and to celebrate earth day, here is me yes ME and the Wotsit plant.X
Did it survive the move Wonka? you all ask up as the considerate plant loving folk you are!! Owner says the Q should be rephrased as did it survive you Wonka!! I mean.  Fairly sure it was DE RIEN to do with me and more to do with Owner's over watering that saw it off.  Not to worry folks as it is all very green round here yes GREEN.X
On the subject of GREEN and in keeping with the world gone daft, there is not just a local election to vote in but a general one.  That means Owner going twice to vote for aged parent. AND explaining what each silly old political party is standing for.  Tresa May wants a MANDATE (I thought she was already spoken for.  sorry but I liked that joke and I'm keeping it in.X) jezzer wants to be against the establishment that got him into power in the first place, and TIM from the Lib Dems is angry about brexit (BIG TICK) and the GREENS want to form a Progressive Alliance,  Owner thinks more folk might listen up if they said an AGRESSIVE alliance. No wonder Brenda from Bristol is fed up.  So are we!! X
There they all are!! I said to Owner you have made Jezzer look too benign and when he gets going with that funny staccato whisper thing (like FIL in Enders) he can be quite menacing (I thought.x) but Owner said folk can make their own minds up thank you Wonka! x PS Owner is betwixt the Lib Dems and the Greens but it is all to play for.  ME?  I am voting Green all the way to the polls and back because they love animals and everything.X
To finish off my weekly mash up I must mention the snooker and our beloved hero Ronnie has made it through round 2.  yes. This means a lot more square eyes in this home folks and we love it.
Versailles is back and goodness knows Owner had to hide behind her hands in a really grisly scene and luckily I was having a bit of shut eye and missed it bar the screaming and Owner going OHHHH.  Masterchef is tip top and had a lovely chef called Selwyn on it NO he didn't get through and there isn't a clear fave as yet.   JohnnGregg are the best ever and only disagreed slightly over Brodie. x The Durrells return on Sundee to cheer up Owner who must return to work on the Mundee.  Personally I'm looking forward to a bit of relaxez vous with no one keep on at me saying things like, do you want a snack Wonka, or, where are you Wonka? or STOP IT NOW Wonka!!
Do have a wonderful week yourselves folk and if you can get round your nerves and do that thing, well GO ON and do it!! Big Love Wonka X


Saturday, 15 April 2017

Are we There YET!

Halloah up good folks out there all enjoying something.  It could be your Easter breakaway it could be just because it is Satdee but right here in our house folks - IT is still Owner's best holidee AND in t the middle of the big Easter weekend.  This is when folks flock to their fave places and eat their fave things.  US??? thanks for asking, well Owner is on roughly mood setting 2 to 2 and a half BUT this will increase once she settles back to enjoy the snooker.X

Yes siree it is that time of the year folks when Owner can sit back and shout at the telly all she likes!!! OOH where is the white ball going!!! With our fave commentators and everything.  This should stop Owner from fretting about the fencing.  What fencing you all shout up interested all of a sudden.  EXACTLY! what fencing indeed.  The Handyman has not appeared as yet! Despite endless texts from Owner asking sensible Qs like:
1.  When might we expect you to do the fencing and
2.  Can I just ask when you are coming to do the fencing and
3.  Are you coming to do the fencing.
I know.X
Between that and the Kcgf.lsjx! neighbour across the way who insists on mucking about with his ancient should be in a museum its a total wreck I hate it MOPED - Owner is as I said earlier on a poor mood setting just now.X
In other news folks, aged parent had a good birthdee UNSPOILT by anything.  The dress was perfect (Pink. Tick x) the Cake was supah (Tick.x) and Aged Parent didn't say anything too silly to make Owner go funny. Well hardly.X
We are now the proud owners (yes even Owner can be another owner) of a roller blind.  It only took Owner four goes to get the brackets up and she only had to take it back to the shop once to adjust the safety catches which prevented it from rolling right up to the top BUT would save my life if I wanted to play with it overmuch.  I know X  And, it looks ace, it hasn't fallen down yet on Rugglesis head AND it means we can see the telly when the sun does shine in. X

Tomorrow folks I am looking forward to a peaceful time of it as Owner makes her way to see beloved daughter and grandson laden down with Easter eggs and wotnot. She is fully expecting daughter to say WHAT ABOUT THE BOXES you said you were bringing and Owner may think on about this and make an effort to just take them THUS avoiding an early conflict situation. I did say words to this effect but Owner may not have heard me above the noise of glkfuggk,hh! neighbour's moped revving up.X
What of Bertrude you all wonder up? How is her poorly PAW and is she any different now that Owner knows she is a girl.  DE RIEN has changed folks.  Except a healed up paw (thanks Vet.x) Rugglesis is still waiting to inspect the new outback and it is the handyman's fault that he hasn't.  End of.X
In other news, Owner is still messing about with amazon kindle direct and says she has uploaded one of the Wonka Stories (Spooky Tale) to it. AND one of hers.  As for the new webpage folks, Owner is still THINKING about it. Yes.X  Did we show you this video all about #anEgyptianTale ??
A very good friend of Owner's all the way from the Green Isle did it for her #tonyobasket and we love it.  Our Story is available for you good folks to buy on X
If only, Owner droned to me, everything worked out as well as that did.X
In the wicked world of politics all continues downhill folks, and we expect it to continue that route especially when the local elections come about.  WHAT ARE YOU VOTING OWNER I says out of interest and possibly as my tea time was nigh. (special biblical language in view of what this weekend is really all about.X) Goodness only knows she moaned up to me.  She sent a nice email to the COoperative party and received a short and a long answer back to her question about whether they were tied up with labour.  The answer we think is YES and NO. X
Now the answer to everything as you know folks is in the pesky stars and when Mercury goes backwards everything goes KAPOOT. So be patient and it will all come to pass. Even the fencing.  We hope.X
In the coming week, DO take it easy for your hols if you are on them and if you are working yourself silly TAKE A BREAK!  See you the other side of it, Big Love Wonka X


Saturday, 8 April 2017

Bertie is Bertrude!

What is this Wonka?  is it some new Shakespearean (gulp.x) Twist?  I get what you are saying folks, you mean like a laddess masquerading (more gulp.x) as a lad and wotnot causing all kinds of mischief and mayhem.  MAIS NON!  I mean a simple and silly mistake made by.......................(roll on drums leading up to a giant crescendo) A VET.

Not, I hasten to add, our newbie Vet who has been very  patient with Owner in advising her to feed Bertie (when she was Bertie) a lot less AND encourage some gentle exercise.

'I HAVE NEVER -' droned Owner to the nice newbie Vet ' HAD SUCH an inert cat.  At this juncture (OOH all this nice new words.x) The Vet told Owner that Bertie was a girl.  all tortoiseshell cats are girls with about one in a million being a lad. OH said Owner. 

Here we are!!  And the reason Bertrude was at the vets in the first place is she has a poorly PAW.  The good Vet went round ALL Bertrude's claws and clipped them.  Owner, (who must not feel guilty. I know.X) clung onto Bertie who is now Bertrude and tried to console him/her.  Meanwhile the good Vet made lots of jokes like:  you will need to give her one of these tablets SIX times a day.  OH YES says Owner still reeling from the news that Bertie is not a boy Bubster anymore and thinking things like (shall I call her Bertrude or Bertina or Bertice or.....X) - Only Joking! goes the Vet.  And gives Bertrude the usual 2 week antibiotic PLUS painkiller (more guilt for Owner.X) at the usual very expensive cost.X 

Here we are!   We have settled on Bertrude as Owner thinks this will least upset the Bubster.  ME? thanks for asking AND if Owner had bothered to consult me I would have said a good two years ago or is it three, that Bertie was a girl.  That is why she has constantly and relentlessly hissed and been ultra unfriendly.  Ruggles on the other paw, is consistently and relentlessly growling at me because he sees me as a threat. I know! X

Now that rather took over the week folks, that and Owner's cold. She has blamed the cold for all her mistakes and being nasty to other motorists (mostly the motorists, although I think ordinary people might have got on Owner's nerve.X) and for driving like a maniac.  Had you considered Owner, I says from my secret hidey up in the crows nest and possibly not heard even by the other things that live up there (in the loft there is the gentle sound of pigeons cooing which I do rather like.x) yes I goes, have you considered it might be your short temper getting the best of you Owner??

Luckily Owner was too busy blowing her nose to hear me and may have been shouting at the telly which would surely drown out any sound.X  there has been a lot to shout at in Corrie (don ken has been struck over the head and our munney is on that mad woman yes I can say that she is really off her nut, who has settled on Peetah the reborn again alcoholic as the one to stalk) and Enders where Bex and Meechelle have fallen out and fallen in and Shazzer has her work cut out remaining Bessie mates.  Where is Fil? I hear you all shout up, finally woken up our of your Satdee trances.  All we know is, he is on 'oliday.' End of.X

In our political news slot, things are much the same.  Tresa May keeps jet setting off supposedly to say how fab our little ol country is and why don't they trade with it - and all this whilst NOT wearing an on trend headscarf.  Donwald the Trump continues to contradict himself right right and right as he offers to help the very people he doesn't want to help and americy stands by puzzled. As for Jezzer he continues to talk up the policies that will never see daylight.X Owner says I have gone very political this year and I said so have you.XX

Finally it is the Easter Break and this is not a moment too soon.  Owner has a trillion projects to be bashing on with and the new outback is top of the list.  It will be top of the list when the handyman replies to at least one of Owner's messages to ask nicely (fairly nicely) when he might be putting the fence up that will KEEP RUGGLES secure in the new yard.  Ruggles has given Owner many a plaintive look and she is really guilty about this. For a change.X

Now folks, do rush out and enjoy this sunny filled weekend even if me and Ruggles are confined to barracks (Bertrude is a happy prisoner as you know.X) according to all the good forecasts, the weather will change the second you start your proper hols on Mundee.  So hold off with the central heating! hold off with the new gardening furniture!  Get a good stock of films and sweets instead.  We love it!  Big Love Wonka X

Saturday, 1 April 2017

April Fools ahoy!!

Ahoy there you lovely lot of lubbers (Owner says is that a word Wonka and I am keeping it in even if it isn't.  Sailors use it in old stories, they shout 'Land Lubbers!' from the safety of their crows nest and such like) how are you all this fine and new start to the month of April?  Already there are a lot of fools about and Owner says we will be spoilt for choice. X

Here we are!!  This is an old vasey thing of Owners, she has had it for centuries alright a good few years then; it is cracked and glued up and even a new bit of clay to shore it up yes!. it could have been worth a few bob before all that folks who knows - in another life Owner drones to me, we were probably rich and now we are paying for it.  I mean.  Anyhow, this is a good reminder that April is here and bunnies are abounding in time for Easter.X
Everywhere you look there is a fool. BUT Owner says we must all be a little foolish sometimes as it is good for us.  Me? thanks for asking, I have been known to go a little mad march hare OH NO that is so last month, yes and a little April foolin - especially when I race Ruggles to the top of the first flight of stairs! That's what I call it although Owner insists it is me chasing him.  I know.X
Bertie Bubb has been fed watered and brushed and does not know it is April. End of.X
This week, we had a visitor folks from inside the room where we all huddle up and zone out to whatever rubbish Owner says she must watch.  We had all bedded down for the night when. DO DO DO DO DAHHHHHH!! I hear a lot of carry on from this room and go and investigate.  What did I find folks?  ONLY a junior seagull that had come down the chimney. (klaxon alert: this is not I repeat not an April Fool.xx) we both looked at each other a few seconds before I ran away.  Ruggles stayed under the settee and Bertie knew de rien.  Owner was very brave and immediately rang the vet who understandably at 1 am in the morning was not interested.  The RSPCA did listen up and advise. (you will get a call back in the morning.) Said Gull continued to stay the night in our best room and bat against the window. 
There it was! Owner had about two inches of sleep until 6 am, when it started all over again.  Luckily a good neighbour looked through the kitchen window and offered to help.  All thought said seagull (we called it Santa) had got through the open window that was opened at 1 am incase it had a bit of inspiration to hop out! NO droned Owner all excited, it came down the chimney.  Santa was helped to fly off and ever since Owner has fretted about it. As if we didn't have other things to fret over. (my tea time, freshening up the facilities, whether I need that extra helping of Bertie's fish or not.X)

I wish I could report that all these triggers, articles and repeals things are an April Fool.  Tresa May has been busy at this photoshoot and that desk looking important when we all know she was writing her shopping list. Donwald the trump is just busy enjoying himself we all know that and as for jezzer he could be anywhere doing anything.  Owner has made a wish for a new party called REMAIN.  I will vote for them Wonka she announced.X

Now as purr, Satdee morning has whizzed by and it is time for Owner to stop off out and do the rounds.  She has made a few complaints at aged parent's resting home and will be eagle eyed when she pops in. Aged Parent will ask the same question (how old are you? are you still working?) and all should be well.  She was even watching a bit of The Voice the other satdee, and as you folks all know it is the grand finale ce soir!!!! Our munney is on MO - he can sing it and we love him.X

In soapland, meechelle had a car crash no a real one, but has survived it, yes, and Shazzer has come back from wherever she was before to offer MORAL support. I don't want to mention staycee so I won't and thingy has got together with KOOSH.  Owner is not liking thingy as she says she is having too much fun and what of the adopted baybee.  In Corrie it is all Don ken who got hit over the head by?? there are a number of residents and family being interviewed but guess what? YES!! Feelan is being arrested for it. X

Now just because it is April and Easter is looming and some holidees, DO GO MAD!! That is my advice for this week folks.  Live it up and enjoy, big Love Wonka X

Saturday, 25 March 2017

Missing Hours!!

What's to do Wonka! You all shout up excited as it is Saturday Caturday PLUS it is sunny and good.  it is here anyway and that is all that counts!  YES I am feeling very selfish today and that makes a change from constantly thinking of others.  Alright Bertie Bubb and Ruggles and my new amour across the way. 

 Owner says she does not know how she has avoided stroking this cat (Poppet) as it looks adoringly up at her when she trip traps home laden down with shopping (gallons of cat litter enough to provide facilities for an entire cat army, also enough cat food to feed well us lot for a day or two just saying.X) - yes and as Owner trips past Poppet (not her real name folks we are protecting her privacy! X) she feels a strong urge to cuddle and stroke said cat. BUT Wonka, she tells me up when she bursts through the fragile front door - I HAVE MANAGED NOT TOO. This is important folks, because given a whisker of a chance, Poppet might speed in and start living here EVEN THOUGH she has a home a few doors up.  End ofX

What else Wonka you say up to me, dreamily gazing out at this sun ridden day, what else is there to report up?

A SUCCESSFUL family outing went on yesterdee, with aged parent, daughter and grandson oh and aged sibling.  This all went to plan, no one asked a difficult family ridden question and although Owner muttered about being exhausted when she finally returned (yes laden with..........) the upside was all enjoyed.  AND, Owner found time to nip to the shop and take back the WRONG shoes. I did warn her last sundee when she suddenly took stock of her shoes and decided she must have more, I SAID don't be persuaded to buy regular fitting Owner, when you need your tootsies to spread out!  what does she do?  Not only buys one pair of regular knock em out shoes BUT have another pair on order.  This folks I tell you had disaster sewn right into the linings.  They were delivered.  NEXT DOOR. WITH no indication of such. I had my paws and whiskers very busy trying to allay Owner's anxiety setting (from zero to ten folks.X) as she tried to guess where the shoes that would not fit her had gone to.  I WON'T DO THAT AGAIN Wonka she droned to me having rushed to the shop with them and got the money she hasn't got back on the best credit card on the planet. I know.X

Here we are again with the hour thingy - forwards forwards!!  And a little reminder that in our #spookytale ginger tom takes us on a little adventure involving that clock and the lost hour!  Backwards in winter and forwards for Spring!  in our story it is the turn towards the dark days and a mysterious death prompts our hero (said ginger tom) to follow a calling! At the moment folks it is still on BUT Owner has plans (yes I know.X) to move it and shake it all about and end it up on that big shop in the sky!  I will keep you posted though. AND she keeps droning on about a new website ALL ABOUT ME.  x

In other lesser news donwald the trump has had a big failure apart from his wardrobe and hair that is, and all are talking it up.  Tresa May continues to baffle us with talking like a home secretary BUT she is the prime minister no less and very sad news for me and Owner PLUS at least 48% of other good voters is that nasty trigger thing is set to happen next week.  I rarely get political as you know folks but this one could affect ME, oh and Bertie (set against the brexit on toast) and Ruggles who has always been pro E EWE.x

Back in the real world, Corrie has gone very darkish with Rosee handing out poor advice to thingy who is back with her tattooed boy, Pheelan is hearing things in that flat and Ken has turned into a spying, manipulative patriarch with good Deirdre's image shining out from the photo frame. Owner decided that Nick, Ken and Ken's son thingy are all wearing the same black jacket which she has taken strongly against.  Nearly as much as Staycee in Enders.x

Now I want you all to ponder a moment on the Easter break which is looming alright it is looming here and Owner has big plans to squash into the break.  BUT she has plans and this is my advice to all you folks out there lounging about doing RIEN with no thought for this season of renewal and upcycling (Owner's best new word, it is like recycling but better.  it is what Owner will do with her Dad's old work bench.  Convert it into something we can all use! I know!! exiting or what.X) so get with it, and tune in.  Paint that room and sort your yard out now!!  finally, Owner has made a promise to Ruggles which I am witness to, and it is to sort out our new vista so we can all trot out there and enjoy the sunnyshine. Me?  dreams of laying on the hot doorstep OR lounging in the cool dog kennel whilst Owner mucks around with plant pots.  Lovely.x

Have a topping week folks!  See you soon big Love Wonka X

Saturday, 18 March 2017

Never say NEVER!

Howdy up folks and there is but one simple message for all of you today AND Owner must sit up and listen!!! JAMAIS means JAMAIS folks and I am hoping against hope that is the frenchy French for never.

WHY you all screech at me, because it is March and you all feel that way out, WHY be so upbeat in the face of all the relentless news of ~Brexit on toast, Donwald on his solitary march in the parade, Jezzer missing every trick there is to miss at Prime Minister Qs and I haven't mentioned Tresa NOR Nicolah and I'm not going too.  YES I have gone a mite political and to crown it all off here is Georgie O the newly crowned Editor of a paper some folks do read.X
There he is!!! and he probably got offered that top job (moaned Owner to me.x) in the Gents. Because we all know how many important decisions are made 1. When folks are taking 5 and smoking their heads off those that do partake OR 2. using the facilities.  When I pop and use Bertie's giant tray OR Rugglesis, I generally have a word with them first.  it is not my fault that all they have to say is SSSSSSSSSSS and GGGGGGRRRRRRR.X
As PURR this silly old blog went and published itself before I had even begun to say anything useful.  I know.X
Owner has been on a downward spiral of no one and that is PERSONNE is looking at, reading or heaven FORFEND buying our stories.  She has had a prolonged email duel with a marketing assistant who Owner says is possibly straight out of college OR still there.  That's unkind I pointed out to Owner.x
Furthermore, Owner has woken up out of her last century trance and realised it is not enough to be creative NO!!! she must be a web designer, social media expert AND marketing demon too.  When she declared all of this I have to admit I was far away in one of my secret hidey holes.  Once Owner had stopped being so progressive and positive (that can only end up in tears, cups of strong tea and biscuits.  or popcorn. or both.X) I came downstairs and demanded some of Bertie's fish.X
We have clung to Corrie even though Leeane is meeting up with Steve who is the babees father but she is with Nick who is whining and moaning to thingy meechelle who has gone BAD. Enders has focussed on BEX which is not good when Owner is a tad annoyed or anxious it could drive her to shout at the telly and their relentless bully storyline saying things like. TELL THE TRUTH and SPEAK UP and stop looking so VICTIM like.  Staycee has made a few brief upbeat appearances and her and wotsit are trying for a babe (I know X) and asking their psychiatrist for advice. I mean.  the last kingdom has squalled itself back into our cosy little nest with the telly in it, and Uhtred is busy looking fearless and all on his horse and Alfred is busy doing Kingly things.  We may pursue it down the weeks. But our giant top fave is Manic Depressive thingy in Casualtee WHAT A STAR!! He has even taken the limelight from Charlee and Connee. If Owner can juggle this with The Voice which has transformed itself from being alright to FAB (we love Jennifer Hudson she is a top coach.X) our night is complete.X
So folks if like Owner you feel like your life is over, your hair will never go right, that other thing won't either, the money is not enough and you are writing in a wilderness of failed stories and characters and occasional marketing expert. (Authors can take years to start selling.........x) Do Not under any circumstance hang your pen up!!!  Remember, there is no such thing as an overnight success! Keep at it.  We are all failures swimming towards success. AH, on that happi note folks, I must get back to my dreaming and checking on the others.  Bertie has been groomed and fed and watered and is safe on his pilly case.  Ruggles is squashed under the red settee and may come out for some fodder.
See you soon UNLESS Owner moves this blog to a new upbeat destination (I know.X) Big Love Wonka X