Saturday, 29 April 2017

Keep Going!

What a week folks!  Owner has been let down right, left and not to forget that elusive (like this choice of word I am awarding myself 10 out of 10 X) middle ground. ie the Centre! 
ARE YOU SPEAKING POLITICALLY Wonka you all shout up, wide awake and ready for some action.

MACRON! for President!!! that is the war cry in this house folks!  Owner reports to me alright she droned it to me the other day, that Macron is CENTRE LEFT.  NOT far left (No ticks for that one.X) Back in this neck of the woods, there is little to get passionate about.  There are several over the hill worn out politicians who speak in an outdated staccato whisper OR a downright preaching kind of style. Does this mean a change of vote in your house Wonka you all shriek at me, on the edge of your settees to know.

WE ARE GREEN LOCALLY! and proud of it.  As for the dread general election, this is harder as there is NO CENTRE LEFT for us to cling to.  End of my political mash up for this week!!! X

In other more important news, Owner has been let down by a delivery.  We know this is easily done and that all delivery drivers wait until we leave the house, go on holiday, cannot for any known reason get to the door in time, fail to read an invisible phone number or indication as to where the delivery is.  Owner had her item delivered to a 'neighbour' who is not a 'neighbour' and who went on to deliver said item.  I DID NOT ASK FOR THAT she wrote in blazing script to the good customer services;  are they real people I asked Owner up, much later when it was safe to ask such a questions.  They must be she goes back - robots aren't as stupid!!

The second failure on the delivery front was the straightforward transportation of a work bench from A to B.  Did it go off alright?  NOT ON YOUR NELLY.  More trail blazing stuff from Owner who called the non existent man with a van (where?  Mars??) a time waster.  I said, Owner that is pretty good coming from you, and I said it all from my secret hidey hole in the upper layers of the house.X

Has anything gone right Wonka?  Owner's new glasses are a triumph and I am blaming the assertive sales assistant in Pagan and McQuade who was ace.  Somehow she got Owner to spend shed loads of munney (letting her off) on 2 pairs yes DEUX pairs of glasses that make her look great.  End of.X

There we are!! The other pair are an electric blue with extra stuff on that cost a fortune but who cares as Owner is tres jolie in them!! X

On the telly box it has been non stop snooker BUT our hero Ronnie has fallen at the quarters post this time, which is a step forward from the second round post last year.  The dragon Ding has stepped up and is fighting Selby I mean playing against him and we have said a big prayer for him to get to the final again and WIN IT.X

Owner is clinging to The Last Kingdom and blow us down it is finishing next week.  BUT there is Versailles with all its violence and wotsit.  That does keep Owner entertained.  In Enders anything could have happened as we have missed it.  As Owner was on an eleven mood setting for stress this was a good thing, as Staycee or that other one could have sent her funny.  In Corrie we are all on edge because little Bethany has missed the fact that she is NOT in a relationship but in a nasty ring thing - can she be saved in time??X

Now owing to such a fretful week, I have let Owner spend herself silly.  The jury is out on the Lavender room mist, but if it cheers her up I'll bear with it and make sure Ruggles does too.  Ruggles has been out in the new outback and tried to escape by standing on a plant pot and eyeing up the back gate.  NO RUGGLES! shouted Owner.  Bertrude is doing nicely and shown no interest in coming downstairs as yet.X

Take it all in your stride and be strong folks!! These are testing times wherever you are on the globe with funny old presidents doing what they like! Has anyone told them it is not a board game it is real!! have a make over and cheer yourselves up - more on this next week when make overs are US.  Big Love Wonka X

Saturday, 22 April 2017

Earth Day!

Morning up folks I mean afternoon up or even Buenos nochas!!! or something very like that. X

yes we have reached the end of another momentous week. and what a lovely way to round it off folks with the new TRELLIS yes TRELLIS in place to stop ruggles or ME wandering off into the big unknown and not coming back for tea time.  After much fretting, worrying and anxiety ridden thoughts (I will not like it, why did I ask the good handyman to do it, I will never get used to it, it will block the view and so on from Owner X) Owner loves it to bits.
AND there will be a special extra diary to show you how lovely it is coming shortly. In the meantime and to celebrate earth day, here is me yes ME and the Wotsit plant.X
Did it survive the move Wonka? you all ask up as the considerate plant loving folk you are!! Owner says the Q should be rephrased as did it survive you Wonka!! I mean.  Fairly sure it was DE RIEN to do with me and more to do with Owner's over watering that saw it off.  Not to worry folks as it is all very green round here yes GREEN.X
On the subject of GREEN and in keeping with the world gone daft, there is not just a local election to vote in but a general one.  That means Owner going twice to vote for aged parent. AND explaining what each silly old political party is standing for.  Tresa May wants a MANDATE (I thought she was already spoken for.  sorry but I liked that joke and I'm keeping it in.X) jezzer wants to be against the establishment that got him into power in the first place, and TIM from the Lib Dems is angry about brexit (BIG TICK) and the GREENS want to form a Progressive Alliance,  Owner thinks more folk might listen up if they said an AGRESSIVE alliance. No wonder Brenda from Bristol is fed up.  So are we!! X
There they all are!! I said to Owner you have made Jezzer look too benign and when he gets going with that funny staccato whisper thing (like FIL in Enders) he can be quite menacing (I thought.x) but Owner said folk can make their own minds up thank you Wonka! x PS Owner is betwixt the Lib Dems and the Greens but it is all to play for.  ME?  I am voting Green all the way to the polls and back because they love animals and everything.X
To finish off my weekly mash up I must mention the snooker and our beloved hero Ronnie has made it through round 2.  yes. This means a lot more square eyes in this home folks and we love it.
Versailles is back and goodness knows Owner had to hide behind her hands in a really grisly scene and luckily I was having a bit of shut eye and missed it bar the screaming and Owner going OHHHH.  Masterchef is tip top and had a lovely chef called Selwyn on it NO he didn't get through and there isn't a clear fave as yet.   JohnnGregg are the best ever and only disagreed slightly over Brodie. x The Durrells return on Sundee to cheer up Owner who must return to work on the Mundee.  Personally I'm looking forward to a bit of relaxez vous with no one keep on at me saying things like, do you want a snack Wonka, or, where are you Wonka? or STOP IT NOW Wonka!!
Do have a wonderful week yourselves folk and if you can get round your nerves and do that thing, well GO ON and do it!! Big Love Wonka X


Saturday, 15 April 2017

Are we There YET!

Halloah up good folks out there all enjoying something.  It could be your Easter breakaway it could be just because it is Satdee but right here in our house folks - IT is still Owner's best holidee AND in t the middle of the big Easter weekend.  This is when folks flock to their fave places and eat their fave things.  US??? thanks for asking, well Owner is on roughly mood setting 2 to 2 and a half BUT this will increase once she settles back to enjoy the snooker.X

Yes siree it is that time of the year folks when Owner can sit back and shout at the telly all she likes!!! OOH where is the white ball going!!! With our fave commentators and everything.  This should stop Owner from fretting about the fencing.  What fencing you all shout up interested all of a sudden.  EXACTLY! what fencing indeed.  The Handyman has not appeared as yet! Despite endless texts from Owner asking sensible Qs like:
1.  When might we expect you to do the fencing and
2.  Can I just ask when you are coming to do the fencing and
3.  Are you coming to do the fencing.
I know.X
Between that and the Kcgf.lsjx! neighbour across the way who insists on mucking about with his ancient should be in a museum its a total wreck I hate it MOPED - Owner is as I said earlier on a poor mood setting just now.X
In other news folks, aged parent had a good birthdee UNSPOILT by anything.  The dress was perfect (Pink. Tick x) the Cake was supah (Tick.x) and Aged Parent didn't say anything too silly to make Owner go funny. Well hardly.X
We are now the proud owners (yes even Owner can be another owner) of a roller blind.  It only took Owner four goes to get the brackets up and she only had to take it back to the shop once to adjust the safety catches which prevented it from rolling right up to the top BUT would save my life if I wanted to play with it overmuch.  I know X  And, it looks ace, it hasn't fallen down yet on Rugglesis head AND it means we can see the telly when the sun does shine in. X

Tomorrow folks I am looking forward to a peaceful time of it as Owner makes her way to see beloved daughter and grandson laden down with Easter eggs and wotnot. She is fully expecting daughter to say WHAT ABOUT THE BOXES you said you were bringing and Owner may think on about this and make an effort to just take them THUS avoiding an early conflict situation. I did say words to this effect but Owner may not have heard me above the noise of glkfuggk,hh! neighbour's moped revving up.X
What of Bertrude you all wonder up? How is her poorly PAW and is she any different now that Owner knows she is a girl.  DE RIEN has changed folks.  Except a healed up paw (thanks Vet.x) Rugglesis is still waiting to inspect the new outback and it is the handyman's fault that he hasn't.  End of.X
In other news, Owner is still messing about with amazon kindle direct and says she has uploaded one of the Wonka Stories (Spooky Tale) to it. AND one of hers.  As for the new webpage folks, Owner is still THINKING about it. Yes.X  Did we show you this video all about #anEgyptianTale ??
A very good friend of Owner's all the way from the Green Isle did it for her #tonyobasket and we love it.  Our Story is available for you good folks to buy on X
If only, Owner droned to me, everything worked out as well as that did.X
In the wicked world of politics all continues downhill folks, and we expect it to continue that route especially when the local elections come about.  WHAT ARE YOU VOTING OWNER I says out of interest and possibly as my tea time was nigh. (special biblical language in view of what this weekend is really all about.X) Goodness only knows she moaned up to me.  She sent a nice email to the COoperative party and received a short and a long answer back to her question about whether they were tied up with labour.  The answer we think is YES and NO. X
Now the answer to everything as you know folks is in the pesky stars and when Mercury goes backwards everything goes KAPOOT. So be patient and it will all come to pass. Even the fencing.  We hope.X
In the coming week, DO take it easy for your hols if you are on them and if you are working yourself silly TAKE A BREAK!  See you the other side of it, Big Love Wonka X


Saturday, 8 April 2017

Bertie is Bertrude!

What is this Wonka?  is it some new Shakespearean (gulp.x) Twist?  I get what you are saying folks, you mean like a laddess masquerading (more gulp.x) as a lad and wotnot causing all kinds of mischief and mayhem.  MAIS NON!  I mean a simple and silly mistake made by.......................(roll on drums leading up to a giant crescendo) A VET.

Not, I hasten to add, our newbie Vet who has been very  patient with Owner in advising her to feed Bertie (when she was Bertie) a lot less AND encourage some gentle exercise.

'I HAVE NEVER -' droned Owner to the nice newbie Vet ' HAD SUCH an inert cat.  At this juncture (OOH all this nice new words.x) The Vet told Owner that Bertie was a girl.  all tortoiseshell cats are girls with about one in a million being a lad. OH said Owner. 

Here we are!!  And the reason Bertrude was at the vets in the first place is she has a poorly PAW.  The good Vet went round ALL Bertrude's claws and clipped them.  Owner, (who must not feel guilty. I know.X) clung onto Bertie who is now Bertrude and tried to console him/her.  Meanwhile the good Vet made lots of jokes like:  you will need to give her one of these tablets SIX times a day.  OH YES says Owner still reeling from the news that Bertie is not a boy Bubster anymore and thinking things like (shall I call her Bertrude or Bertina or Bertice or.....X) - Only Joking! goes the Vet.  And gives Bertrude the usual 2 week antibiotic PLUS painkiller (more guilt for Owner.X) at the usual very expensive cost.X 

Here we are!   We have settled on Bertrude as Owner thinks this will least upset the Bubster.  ME? thanks for asking AND if Owner had bothered to consult me I would have said a good two years ago or is it three, that Bertie was a girl.  That is why she has constantly and relentlessly hissed and been ultra unfriendly.  Ruggles on the other paw, is consistently and relentlessly growling at me because he sees me as a threat. I know! X

Now that rather took over the week folks, that and Owner's cold. She has blamed the cold for all her mistakes and being nasty to other motorists (mostly the motorists, although I think ordinary people might have got on Owner's nerve.X) and for driving like a maniac.  Had you considered Owner, I says from my secret hidey up in the crows nest and possibly not heard even by the other things that live up there (in the loft there is the gentle sound of pigeons cooing which I do rather like.x) yes I goes, have you considered it might be your short temper getting the best of you Owner??

Luckily Owner was too busy blowing her nose to hear me and may have been shouting at the telly which would surely drown out any sound.X  there has been a lot to shout at in Corrie (don ken has been struck over the head and our munney is on that mad woman yes I can say that she is really off her nut, who has settled on Peetah the reborn again alcoholic as the one to stalk) and Enders where Bex and Meechelle have fallen out and fallen in and Shazzer has her work cut out remaining Bessie mates.  Where is Fil? I hear you all shout up, finally woken up our of your Satdee trances.  All we know is, he is on 'oliday.' End of.X

In our political news slot, things are much the same.  Tresa May keeps jet setting off supposedly to say how fab our little ol country is and why don't they trade with it - and all this whilst NOT wearing an on trend headscarf.  Donwald the Trump continues to contradict himself right right and right as he offers to help the very people he doesn't want to help and americy stands by puzzled. As for Jezzer he continues to talk up the policies that will never see daylight.X Owner says I have gone very political this year and I said so have you.XX

Finally it is the Easter Break and this is not a moment too soon.  Owner has a trillion projects to be bashing on with and the new outback is top of the list.  It will be top of the list when the handyman replies to at least one of Owner's messages to ask nicely (fairly nicely) when he might be putting the fence up that will KEEP RUGGLES secure in the new yard.  Ruggles has given Owner many a plaintive look and she is really guilty about this. For a change.X

Now folks, do rush out and enjoy this sunny filled weekend even if me and Ruggles are confined to barracks (Bertrude is a happy prisoner as you know.X) according to all the good forecasts, the weather will change the second you start your proper hols on Mundee.  So hold off with the central heating! hold off with the new gardening furniture!  Get a good stock of films and sweets instead.  We love it!  Big Love Wonka X

Saturday, 1 April 2017

April Fools ahoy!!

Ahoy there you lovely lot of lubbers (Owner says is that a word Wonka and I am keeping it in even if it isn't.  Sailors use it in old stories, they shout 'Land Lubbers!' from the safety of their crows nest and such like) how are you all this fine and new start to the month of April?  Already there are a lot of fools about and Owner says we will be spoilt for choice. X

Here we are!!  This is an old vasey thing of Owners, she has had it for centuries alright a good few years then; it is cracked and glued up and even a new bit of clay to shore it up yes!. it could have been worth a few bob before all that folks who knows - in another life Owner drones to me, we were probably rich and now we are paying for it.  I mean.  Anyhow, this is a good reminder that April is here and bunnies are abounding in time for Easter.X
Everywhere you look there is a fool. BUT Owner says we must all be a little foolish sometimes as it is good for us.  Me? thanks for asking, I have been known to go a little mad march hare OH NO that is so last month, yes and a little April foolin - especially when I race Ruggles to the top of the first flight of stairs! That's what I call it although Owner insists it is me chasing him.  I know.X
Bertie Bubb has been fed watered and brushed and does not know it is April. End of.X
This week, we had a visitor folks from inside the room where we all huddle up and zone out to whatever rubbish Owner says she must watch.  We had all bedded down for the night when. DO DO DO DO DAHHHHHH!! I hear a lot of carry on from this room and go and investigate.  What did I find folks?  ONLY a junior seagull that had come down the chimney. (klaxon alert: this is not I repeat not an April Fool.xx) we both looked at each other a few seconds before I ran away.  Ruggles stayed under the settee and Bertie knew de rien.  Owner was very brave and immediately rang the vet who understandably at 1 am in the morning was not interested.  The RSPCA did listen up and advise. (you will get a call back in the morning.) Said Gull continued to stay the night in our best room and bat against the window. 
There it was! Owner had about two inches of sleep until 6 am, when it started all over again.  Luckily a good neighbour looked through the kitchen window and offered to help.  All thought said seagull (we called it Santa) had got through the open window that was opened at 1 am incase it had a bit of inspiration to hop out! NO droned Owner all excited, it came down the chimney.  Santa was helped to fly off and ever since Owner has fretted about it. As if we didn't have other things to fret over. (my tea time, freshening up the facilities, whether I need that extra helping of Bertie's fish or not.X)

I wish I could report that all these triggers, articles and repeals things are an April Fool.  Tresa May has been busy at this photoshoot and that desk looking important when we all know she was writing her shopping list. Donwald the trump is just busy enjoying himself we all know that and as for jezzer he could be anywhere doing anything.  Owner has made a wish for a new party called REMAIN.  I will vote for them Wonka she announced.X

Now as purr, Satdee morning has whizzed by and it is time for Owner to stop off out and do the rounds.  She has made a few complaints at aged parent's resting home and will be eagle eyed when she pops in. Aged Parent will ask the same question (how old are you? are you still working?) and all should be well.  She was even watching a bit of The Voice the other satdee, and as you folks all know it is the grand finale ce soir!!!! Our munney is on MO - he can sing it and we love him.X

In soapland, meechelle had a car crash no a real one, but has survived it, yes, and Shazzer has come back from wherever she was before to offer MORAL support. I don't want to mention staycee so I won't and thingy has got together with KOOSH.  Owner is not liking thingy as she says she is having too much fun and what of the adopted baybee.  In Corrie it is all Don ken who got hit over the head by?? there are a number of residents and family being interviewed but guess what? YES!! Feelan is being arrested for it. X

Now just because it is April and Easter is looming and some holidees, DO GO MAD!! That is my advice for this week folks.  Live it up and enjoy, big Love Wonka X