Saturday, 29 July 2017


Good Morning Up Folks!! First up to make you all feel better about your credit cards, your hair, your life...........OH NO THAT'S OWNER'S LIFE!!!! X Herewith is a photo of A BUTTERFLY escaping from one of the Buddleia!!

There we are!! What a snap from Owner who was saying things like 'this bkngsl££"! Camera needs charging Wonka! Can I get the butterfly first!! OH tha;g85649!! etc.and wotnot.X
Now you will also want to see some good snaps of ME:

OH!! I know I look the biz and I dare say you want one of my sparring mate Ruggles?X

Butter would not melt!! BUT folks only this morning did we have a tiny spat.  Who won?? IT DOES NOT MATTER. end of.XX
What of the Bubster you all shout out worried that Bertrude is left out.  There is a photo of Bertie but Owner spent half her life looking for it and STILL could not locate it (good use of word.X) SO instead here is one of her paws poking out from her beloved lair.X

There she is!! AND Owner successfully changed the insulin cartridge after hours of reading the instructions.  THEN clicking the pen and NOTHING, DE RIEN coming out.  Then folks she had a lightbulb go BANG in her bonce and she realises she has to get ALL THE AIR OUT Wonka.  Thus proving folks that she is turning into a chemist and a vet. I know.X
In other lesser news, Owner had a lovely day out in Bridlington with daughter and feeancee.  YES.  it is a proper romance with big moves involved too.  OVER THE SEA.  And if this silly brexit on toast carries on much longer folks, Owner says she will look at such a big move also.  ME? thanks for asking, and as you know I will try anything (once I have triple checked it for scary things.x) BUT for this adventure I might consult with the others. Ruggles and Bertie even if they do both hiss and spit before I can get a word in.X
I'M off to the Hairdresser! she tells me; Owner has a hair apt WITH the new one folks which so far is going well.  Once this horrid shade of yellow goes Wonka............(now where have I heard that? X).  Other things that went to plan despite days of fretting was a delivery folks.  The text foretold when the goods would arrive.  another text told the TIME they would be delivered.  Owner was IN at the said time and blow me down did a knock at the door have the goods safely delivered into Owner's hand!!! AND she liked one of the jumpers.  PHEW.X
The silly season is now upon us folks and Tresa Grey has gone off on her silly hols.  We have heard nothing of Jezzer and his plans except stuff saying HE HATES THE EEYEW, plus how he has sold all those brill students down the line with his story of student funding. not.  Owner says she knew this all along but the young and IMPRESSIONABLE she says to me, students would not have a word said against their new saviour.  Me and Owner are in with Vinnie Cable at the mo,  we love him.X PS and we are still Green too.X
On the telly there is a distinct lack of tip top drama.  Louis and Philippe have gone off somewhere, The Loch managed to solve itself and even that daft choir show with the RIFF OFF has gone. Owner has taken to a new show called Letterbox with that infuriating Mel in it, who Owner says THE JURY IS STILL OUT Wonka.  I did say is that because she is very funny, very witty and knows her stuff Owner? but luckily Owner did not hear me above shouting at Stacee who is behind the bar (not that one) in Enders. In Corrie Liz and Stevee are no longer behind their bar in the Rovers and instead it is whiny thingy who is Leeannes sister and alcoholic Petah.  I DON'T LIKE HER says Owner glued to the screen.X
Thankfully there is Casualtee tonight to keep Owner occupied and that nice Nik Knowles in that annoying quiz thingy.  name three million pop stars who sang about mud - alright 5 then.X
Next week cruises us all into August folks which should be a good and steady munf. And if it isn't Owner will write a letter of complaint!! chins up and furry fur fluffed!! Big love Wonka X

Saturday, 22 July 2017

We Don't Want a Kitten!

YOU HAVEN'T WONKA? NO folks, that's right I haven't - when times get rough and Owner shouts about and I quote:

does she start romanticising about getting a kitten.  Like when one of the trillions alright a fair few charities send her a dramatic request USUALLY featuring a wisp of a KitKat rescued from a dustbin or a shoebox OR just laying somewhere bleating feebly UNTIL a member of the animal rescuing public chances along AND gets the said kitwit to the vets in the scrape of time!! Then, there is a shivering wreck of a of kit looking up at Owner and demanding YES a donation.  I love you!! she says scribbling out a cheque.  I do say to her I say things like what about us, and what about the rising nay soaring cost of Bertrudes Vetinary bills NOW THAT SHE HAS Diabetes?? I mean.  But generally folks, Owner likes to rescue things and never forget Tinkers and the Boolleys who feature in 'Conversations with Wonka - part Six.'X

There we are!! Tinkers was Tinkerbelle, and she went and had her kits in the Luxury shed as was.  I warned Owner NOT to name them or foster them so what happened?? YES she named them, saved them and loved them.  Little Cadpig was brought back to life in her hands too, and named after the little dalmation in 101 dalmations who was also saved in this way.  Hankies folks! hankies!! X
Has Owner stopped complaining?? has she heck.  AND, she only went and cancelled the next load of torture I mean appointments with the new Dentist!! Has she gone silly you all wonder up and dare to say.... she decided he was just making a few bob out of her teef AND making her feel an old crock into the bargain.  I WILL HOLD ONTO THEM FOR A BIT LONGER she droned to me swilling back another tablet for the twinge on the upper right.X
YES this daft bloggy thing has published itself without a sayso from me.  I ask you.X
In other lesser news, aged parent has had another test to see if she is all there or not.  It is a common mental test for ANYONE staring into the abyss that has the general name Dementia tagged to it.  BUT says Owner all full of a little knowledge, Dementia is a term for the memory loss IT IS NOT ITSELF a disease.  Did aged parent do well at this test you all want to know.  Owner reports she did quite well and is: NOT SENILE YET.  This despite the nursing home rushing her into tests and tablets etc.  How they think they will do all of this behind Owner's back I do wonder at myself folks. And the funny thing was, that, according to Owner as she was on her way to meet with the nice Community Psychiatric Nurse and her support worker AND the aged, good (or not so good but well paid) jezzer Vine comes on the lunchtime show with his Doctor pal, and they run through the same test!! SO I KNEW all the questions in advance Wonka! she tells me when she fell back in later, fairly quizzed out and all.X
Goodness knows now it is the recess thingy those pesky politicians will all be lazing around reading books and plugging into the nearest life support machine ready for the next round of TALKS.  good Vinnie Cable is the new wotsit for the Lib Dems and already Owner loves him.  I know.x
On the good telly, craigie in Corrie is IN LERVE with little Bethanee, but like all good love stories it is unrequited!! Over in Enders Max is lying and conniving and reading bizness reports for evil means.!! Staycee wasn't in it much, so Owner didn't need to shout overmuch.  She did say Shazzer has been usurped by another of Fil's exes, yet another blonde albeit curly.  The Loch has ended with lots of last minute murderers to the fore and we loved it. And now, Owner is in love with Love Your Garden with Alan Titch!! Watch this space folks for more gardening tips!! (have we got one for today Owner I asked her?) Go easy on the snails!
On my timely advice Owner has uploaded the newest and bestest story, The Cat Who Never Was, to where you can all read it for free!!  When it is a premium wotsit I will put a full on link right here I will but until then this is what to look for:
There it is!! and yes!! it may even have a kitten in it too.  And for now folks, kitwits in stories will have to do for Owner's longings.X
What of Ruggles you all chirp up thinking what is he doing these days.  Well folks, he does spend most of them asleep, or eating, or the other AND does hog the blanket box here in the little sitting room.  Blow me down when I go over just to ask him if he is alright does he hiss at me!!  Bertrude was whisked to the vets yesterdee for another check on her insulin levels (a very expensive check folks.x) and it has been increased to 3 UNITS.  has Owner grasped the fundimentals of the insulin pen??? I do hope so folks, for Bertrude's sake.  Now to round off this fascinating report on US, I bring you news that Owner's rescue of a babe gull laying on the road has a happi ending!!  It got knocked by a car and just sat there AMAZINGLY surviving the next load of cars till owner got there to move it to the grass.  THEN she dithered about what to do.  All the gulls circled overhead and the little gull now named Braveheart turned its head and looked up at them!! THEN WONKA I got the blue soft blanket out of the car with no name, wrapped him or her in it and whisked off to the Vets.  And folks, with a patched up wing, Braveheart is now at the Whitby Wildlife Sanctuary!! X
Next Week folks is the final week sort of for July so PUSH THE BILLY BOAT out and Get Creative!! Owner has more than a touch of this and has started a new story!!! With my help of course, so go on have an Inspirational Week of it!! Big Love Wonka X

Saturday, 15 July 2017


HOW has your lovely week been folks? full of fun? (TICK) full of angst? (refer to Owner's guide to how to live a full and fun life WHILST beset by angst. First edition.X) OR just full of the usual stuff.  Owner has somehow come through what she describes as a
*&^%$££)___!!!! week.

And it finished with a trip to see the nice Vets with Betrude!
There she is!! with her brand new VER ex Pensive diabetes.
Do you understand Owner, I says up, just out of mild interest folks, DO YOU KNOW what diabetes is??  AM I A CHEMIST Wonka? she snapped back at me saying things like, is it about the liver converting something TO DO WITH GLUCOSE and monitoring and regulating AM I A VET! she goes a bit funny sometimes folks and goodness knows her mouth was a bit lopsided after that visit to the new dentist.  I have to whisper at this point folks incase Owner is listening, but when she fell back in after just ONE filling saying things like I AM NOT SURE if I like him or not (the poor dentist) and how the same person TOLD HER WHAT TO DO.  Now even I folks, after years of practice hesitate when it comes to this - in fact folks, I have found the best way forward is to gently suggest OR advise and then run away. Yes, He TOLD her she is not cleaning her teef (what's left of them) properly AND it was all about damage limitation.  HE SOUNDED like a Police man OR a Lawyer Owner shouted at me, as I say, through half her mouth as the rest of it was frozen up.  I mean.X
WHAT about Bertrude you all whisper up, concerned she is being left out due to Owner's selfish teef.  Owner has been hard at it, mastering the new insulin pen AND getting over her needle phobia!! You will all wonder if Owner has any phobia's left!! she has (had to) get through the hospital one (thanks to aged parent) the spidder one (thanks to just having to.) and now the needle one!!! Towards the end of the first week of jabbing Bertrude, she suddenly says to me AM I DOING THIS RIGHT and re read the instructions a million times alright four or five. Then she had to take a wee sample for the Vet.  Luckily neither me nor Ruggles used the pretend facilities set up to aid the capture of said wee.  I know.X
When she finally got Bertrude stuffed into the carrier and carted off to the Vet he said to increase the dosage and they were back in time for MY teatime. X
In other news folks, Owner has been told to take 'a step back' from all the complaining about aged parent supposedly (she says) FOR MY good health.  Between me and you folks I think it is so they can all catch up on the paperwork AND plan their next silly old excuse and apology. Meanwhile, Owner shows no signs of 'stepping back.'  At the beginning of this BUSY BEE week, Owner met a new student who might like some support from her.  Personally I think it ought to be the other way round but who am I? It all went well and Owner only fell out with one teacher who was French and did not make Owner BIEN VENUE! XX
Donwald the Trump and Melomenia have wrestled with Macron's hand til you thought it would fall off and Tresa Grey has said she 'shed a tear'.  As Owner was fairly frothing at the mouth about that I caused a distraction by looking at Ruggles who then hissed at me full on.  Distraction is the latest word used about the nasty Brexit on toast talks. NO ONE, and that is PERSONNE can agree or even agree to disagree about what it is, whatever it really is.  and no one knows that either. END of.  FINIT.X
To round off this stepping up and down week, Rafa went and got knocked out JUST by a player called Muller. Novak said he was injured and trotted off the court and Murraymint limped off too.  WHICH JUST leaves beloved Federer to bash it out in the Men's singles FINALE!!! we love him.X
On the telly, Owner has clung to the LOCH which passeth all understanding so is OK in this housey, and Corrie.  Craigie is challenging the RING of suspects AND this is testing his character!! All about Bethany and if isn't all about her it is all about Aidan and the pretend babee.  In Enders, it is all about the never ending (YAWN says Owner) troup of bully boy girls and thingie and Stephen and Josh.  I know.X
Can next week improve on this one folks?? SURELY it can.  Ruggles is eating for ingerland still and hogging the only chair outback AND hissing in my face now and then whilst Bertrude let me go right up and touch noses!! Even if Owner does think it was down to her being dazed and confused just back from the vets.  I did say do you mean yourself Owner but luckily she didn't hear me above shouting for Federer to GET ON WITH IT!!X
have a Men's Finals at Wimbledon kind of a week folks and be a Winner!!  Big Love Wonka X

Saturday, 8 July 2017

Wonka does Wimbledon!

ARE YOU THERE WONKA? you all shout up really interested since I said Wimbledon. NON, NYET, NO and NEIN!!! (that is to impress Angela Merkel in case she is tuning in.X and those pesky Russians we love them.  most of them.X)

There we are!! glued to it.X

What I mean is folks is that me and Owner have been watching all the matches as much as we can in between her dashing off a complaining email (about aged parent) or attending a meeting (about aged parent) or taking a phone call (about......yes! X).  since Owner lashed out and bought a second telly that lives nicely in the front room she can quickly check what's on (I AM NOT WATCHING THAT RUBBIDGE Wonka ) and that is how I know who is on it at Wimbledon!!  Rafa is on it, Murray mint is on it, Novak is on it AND beloved Roger is more than on it.  Owner as you know is fickle and darts between Novak and Rafa BUT this year is rooting for Roger and end of.  me? thanks for asking, I will be miaowing fiercely up for MURRAYMINT who is to be a Daddy for the 2nd time.  I know. X
There we are!! like last year me and Owner would ideally want to see Roger bash it out with Murraymint.  We shall see...............X
In other news folks Owner trip trapped into the college for a morning and loved it.  HOW I MISS THE STUDENTS she droned to me.  Folks she was fairly busy what with everyone else except for her.  AND big news of the week as far as us felines go is the visit to the vets by Bertie and the massive KERCHING as their cash register gobbled up Owner's card.  beans on toast for the foreseeable Wonka she gabbled to me as she brought said Bertrude home.  NOW WHAT I says suspicious at the big cardboard package with INSULIN PEN written on the side of it.  (I can read you know folks.X)  Bertrude is diabetic!  goodness knows Owner has already transformed herself into a care coordinator come adviser come professional meeting attender and NOW THIS.  it means Owner must get over a MASSIVE needle phobia fast.
I just have to dab at Bertrude twice a day with this pen thing she droned to me.  Folks, I can read your minds from here.  The nice vet gave her a demonstration that seemed to (quote from Owner who was dazed and confused) be over in a flash!  So now she is a Vet folks.  I know.  I love it.X
In the horrid political world Jezzer has gone very quiet and we wonder if he is having a transplant or a facelift or a brain wash somewhere.  In contrast, Tresa Grey who lost her personality a long time ago, is busy jetting off to G20 summit things and meeting (a bit like Owner really) important well alright downright powerful folks from all other nations.  Whoever is in charge of the other parties and I do think there are some, well we haven't heard from them.  BUT, the story out there and we wish it was fake news, is that silly old Donwald the Trump is set to come to Lunnon Town SOON.  X
Now that Versailles is over (SOB) Broken is finished (More SOB) we are left with Corrie and poor Bethanee is still busy feeling guilty for what is NOT her doing, and where is good Craig??  Enders has a new and very chav family that Owner has taken to.  There is no accounting for Owner's taste is there.  She still cannot stand Staycee who is still alive and all loving towards the world, and that other one who is with steve and fancies Josh.  We are clinging to The Loch even though we are not sure who did what.X
Now next week is full of appts for Owner!! BUT some of then are not the nice ones - not like hair appts oh alright that could go wrong, BUT one of them is to do with her teef.  I'M NOT THINKING about it Wonka she moaned up to me.  but from what she tells me up, it is a good dentist and he will look after Owner.  Goodness knows, I KNOW, how tricky that is.  What of Ruggles You all suddenly want to know.  He is fine, and apart from being pat and mick in the deep of the night, scratting in his ears and making a funny warbling noise, pinching the best seats outside before I can get to them - oh and hissing in my face HE IS FINE.
Now get ready for next week and TAKE NO PRISONERS!!
Big Love Wonka X

Saturday, 1 July 2017

Bond, Mr Michael Bond.X

EVENING ALL!!! YES I am as fine as the beauty day we just had out there AT LAST that smelly old sea fret lifted to reveal a blue sky and sunny shine.  For at least three or was it four it felt like more (ah I do like a Rupert Bear Rhyme X) days it went chilly, it went rainy it went GREY folks.  And guess what. YES!! you got it right - Owner cheered up briefly out of her relentless complaining and wothaveyou and she cheered up because, Mr Michael Ball and Mr Alfie Boe were soaked to the skin at the Scarborough Open Theatre!!

WHAT IS SO CHEERING about that Wonka you all shout at me wide awake because it is Satdee Evening.  I'll tell you folks, it cheered Owner up because she does not like Mr Boe.  What of Mr Ball though you all wonder up?  Despite him taking over the Sundee show that darling Tezzer Wogan used to do, Owner is still alright there.  I know.  Folks, there is no rhyme or reason to Owner and her likings.X

There we are!! with Owner's tribute to Paddington Bear who was created by Mr Michael Bond and we love him.  Night Night to Mr Bond who has popped to the room next door now.  What a wonderful legacy says Owner going all serious and such like, to leave us with such a bear.X
Now it has been a busy bee week and frankly folks Owner has been here there and there again.  If she wasn't droning on the phone to someone alright complaining, she was actually having a face to face meeting with them and folks - I cannot tell you enough times how scary that is.  Me?  thanks for asking I've been up and doing, helping Bertrude out with the biscuit trough, having a little game of battles with Ruggles AND my best mate Poppet from up the end there came round and let me sniff her from my side of the gate!!  all we saw was her shadow moving and Owner scaled the gate to look over the top ready to shout GO AWAY to clodagh bunny who has been stalking the fledglings.  Two of them sheltered in the outback the other morning and Owner thinks, escaped nicely. it is all happening outback folks.X
What about Owner's hair you all whisper to me concerned it is overgrown yellowish brown and a mess. Fate has stepped in folks and led Owner to a new hairdresser!! Called Shadow!  she now looks a million dollars and I made sure I told her that the minute she fell back through the good front door with all that shopping. X
On the silly old political front, Jezzer is on about the many and not the few which is different from them and us and Tresa Grey hasn't said anything into her microphone on that stand thing today.  All are arguing about Brexit and as you know Bertrude is set against it as are me, Rugglesis and Owner.x
Telly wise, Owner has clung to the soaps and those singing wotsits where you all shout very loudly but no one can hear you, and then the wrong ones get through and the ones you really liked all say THANKS for the experience and then go home and cry their eyes out.x
Now next week is coming up to be another busy bee week and Bertrude is booked into see her fave vet on wednesdee. IT's JUST A CHECK up drones Owner but I never believe that story folks and I have tried to warn Bertrude of course I have, but every time I look at her and before I have chance to speak does she hiss at me and pad off under the bed.  I mean.X
Be on your bestist behaviour folks and don't let the side down! smooth fur and fresh whiskers!!  That should see them all offski.  Big Love Wonka X