Tuesday, 30 August 2016

A Special Tribute X

This household (yes I am including the others.....X) wishes to pay humble tribute to the genius that was Gene Wilder....

As you know folks, when I leapt into this home many moons ago, Owner quite rightly spotted that like my namesake Willy Wonka, I would prove to be mischievous and full of fun YET a keen and clever adviser.  There was only ever ONE Willy Wonka from the fab film Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and Owner has loved him from the off.X

He was says Owner and I quote on this sad morn: 'A comedy genius and a beautiful soul'.  I could not agree more and neither could Bertie or Ruggles who are all fast asleep but what can I do?X

There we are! 'It is because of Gene Wilder, in that film,' droned Owner to me, 'that you are called Willie Wonka!' X

I could not be more proud folks and we are now hoping for a total Gene Wilder fest of ALL yes ALL his films. Starting with that one.

We have as per, lit a candle to help him on his way, and say
HATS OFF to this beautiful soul.XXX and X
Extra big Love Wonka X

Saturday, 27 August 2016


IT SEEMS AGES WONKA you all say up to me, SINCE YOUR LAST diary.  I know folks, and it is good to be missed I always say. AND some weeks stretch into about a month or sometimes a year whilst others dart by with DE RIEN happening in them.

This week Owner had a result. This is rare and infrequent and blue moonish in this house folks. WHAT WAS IT? you all now shout at me wanting to know.  First off there was a mishap, this is usual and normal and daily folks - Owner sped to the doctors to have her ears checked out (thanks to the horrid shouty noisy we DO NOT LIKE THEM neighbours and more on this in a moment.....x) and as usual and normal and everytime she goes, parked up in the wrong street BUT popped the handbrake on which seemed to go wobbly and insecure. OH NO she says to herself and as soon as her ears were pronounced fine by the good Nursey ( who also checked Owner's blood pressure - 'excellent!' I know.X) - she sped to the good garage.
There it is!! The car with no name twinkling away being as ordinary as you like BUT with a faulty handbrake AND due its MOT.  Thanks to this wonderful bounteous brilliant and fab garage it is all fixed up for a bargain price. We love that garage.  End of and RESULT.XXXXXX
What else has gone on then.  The neighbours are horrid and Owner has complained herself silly.  AND registered with a nice housing association as we are too poor to look at anything else. Really Wonka, she droned to me, we need to be housed for (you know what I am going to say folks....) DE RIEN.X and I have tossed a few bits of silver into the wishing well accordingly.I love it.x
Lots of lovely yes they are students got their GCSE results and some of them will be meeting up with my bestest Owner in the entire galaxy when she starts her new job supporting them in their A level quests.  I know.  I have advised myself silly on it folks, telling her what to wear what to say etc.  it is in MY interests for her to hold onto this job otherwise we will all starve. OR the credit card with get above itself.X
Owner is nearly at the end of her Game of Thrones and luckily there is a shedload of reality tv to shield her from real life.  She is now stuck like cling film to the Baking show and Selasi is our fave.  he bikes around London and does something there by way of a job. Then the Hex Factor is back! With Shazzer and Louis to annoy not to mention thingy -AND a feature length Cazualtee. Charley Farley nursey has been there for ever and a day and MUST NOT leave.X
There we are!! This will be our new Satdee look now the shows are back specially the RESULTS shows.  Tis the season.X
You will want to know that Bertie Bubb is fine and dandy and he was last time I squared up to him.  Ruggles is still going in that garden round back and coming home with those burrs in his furs.  Owner tries to pick them off without being mauled to death and so far in, is succeeding. ME? thanks for asking, well you know keeping busy what with that sunny spot by my best toy and occasionally running upstairs when the Vikings come to clean the windows (why??) and of course looking forward to a more relaxed aspect once Owner gets on with her new toil. Which reminds me of one more TV show we fell on by mistake with good Anita Rani (strictly Anita!x) heading up a show called Britain's hardest Workers! Owner hardly stopped shouting at the telly folks, especially with all the talk of low pay and zero hours!!  We loved it and Leon won out.  But so did all the others too.  tuffer than Tuffer.X
Like Owner and the car with no name PLUS her real job I hope you folks out there also share in this resulting week AND it carries on into next week please. yes sirree. so brush up your fur, quiver those whiskers and sparkle with those eyes! Big Love Wonka X

Saturday, 20 August 2016

In Our Dreams!

HOWDY UP folks and how are you all resting up, having a lovely time of it OR NOT on this good August morn.  YES it is Satdee once more, the end of another awe inspiring week with legends like USAIN BOLT and MO FARAH and MR PHELPS and all of those champions in the Olympics at Rio....................... I almost forgot the newbie who is MAX whitlock or something like that - and LOUIS SMITH we always loved you and we always will.x
There he is!! that man from Jamaica he is the fastest in the world!!XX
What else has been going on Wonka? you all shout at me but not too loud as me and Owner are suffering from SLEEPDEPRIVATION..............Why is that you all whisper to me.
The bad neighbours are every bit as bad as Owner feared they would be.  The entire household has been moved round ALL BECAUSE next door live a completely different life to ours.  They have a different time zone that starts at 5 to midnight and carries on through the LONG night folks. All the things that we do nicely and quietly and respectfully throughout the day THEY DO IN THE NIGHT.  due to this Owner is on a short fuse mood setting and I am hiding round doors, under beds and generally being good.  I only let myself down once folks, when Owner was giving me a nice brush round and removing MOUNTAINS of fur I just reached out and gave her a tiny (It was.X) scratch on the wrist that surely didn't warrant such a scene OR the huge bit of toilet roll wrapped round the wound so tiny you could barely see it.  I mean.XX
In other far better and brighter news folks, the job that Owner didn't get in July suddenly reared its head and snapped her up in August. YES, so Owner has a real job to start in a couple of weeks.  EVEN MORE ESSENTIAL Wonka, she droned to me, THAT I GET MY SLEEP.  We are working on it folks BUT we haven't ruled out moving to our new and dream home sooner than we reckoned. NO, or NYET! we cannot afford to turn round never mind move but I have as you know total trust in the wishing well and have flung some silver in accordingly.

There it is! our dream home and will it come forward now and say HERE I AM Wonka and Bertie Bubb and Ruggles OH YES and Owner.XXX
You know that the new Conversations with Wonka part Seven is on smashwords.com and Owner is very proud.  She is even writing the fourth to be published story!! and needs to dream the ideas for it.....X
Teresa MAY has been off on her hols leaving good King Boris to tend to things and is that wise we all wonder up? DE RIEN has happened as yet folks...........our fave Owen Smitherooni  has been husting away with Jezzer and having to put up with an unruly hissing and booing crowd.  We blame Jezzer for all of it.  End of.  No one PERSONNE mentions brexit much these days and you would think folks it was all a silly dream!! ONLY IT WASN'T.X
Owner is still clinging to Game of thongs I mean thrones and is on series five now.  Those dragons are too big for my liking and if you step out of turn you get your head lobbed off. Luckily, and coinciding with the end of this, Strictly, the HEX factor and the BAKE OFF are all back and this alone may keep Owner on a higher mood setting in the weeks to come.I love it.X
Finally, Ruggles has started snoozing back in the luxury shed ONLY not in his fave box but on the old car seat from Owner's beloved skylark.  It was on that very carseat that the tiny boolleys were popped when Tinkers had them all in the shed nearly two years ago folks, HANKIES AWAY. Bertie Bubb has been sauntering round the living room and saying how starving he is. YOU ARE ON A DIET Bertie I told him up, and THAT's why.  End of and food fact up.X 
Now like us folks you are all up against it and have your dreams to hold fast to!  HOLD ON TIGHT!! big Love Wonka X

Tuesday, 16 August 2016

A little more Conversations!!

Listen Up folks!!  The new conversations part seven is now loaded up and ready to read on smashwords.com !!!

There we are! and it is the 23rd Wonka Story folks!!!
If you haven't read the conversations, then make it right, right now!! XX
All the stories follow on (says Owner and I said, don't confuse the readers! end of XX) as it is so simple you would be a fool or called Bertie Bubb to get it wrong. Just start at the very beginning and unless it is a special story about Halloween or Christmas or New Year or Easter and Duffel - then it is a part of the Conversations. Best story Fact Up.X

Other big stories in the pipeline folks are:

Wonka Presents! An Egyptian Tale - this will be published this year by the excellent Austin Macauley - so you get your paws on a hardback paperback or kindley thingmebob.X

There is a special New Year story to follow on from Wonka's New Year's Eve story which is yonks ago now. Alright a couple of years then. If Owner cracks on and stops fussing about being poverty stricken, having new neighbours (more on this later folks.....x) daughter being in lerve and what about her (I did say stop being so selfish Owner but luckily she didn't hear me.X)

Beyond this and into the future if there is one.... There is another Wonka Presents - A Spooky Tale which is yet to be delivered up to a nice publisher to look at.........X

Really folks there is MUCHOS stories to look forward to especially the one still in Owner's head.  IF I GET A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP Wonka, she droned to me, I MIGHT GET THE STORY.  We all know that Owner does dream her storylines, and the start of this one was in a dream. Me? trying hard to relax and get some zzzzzzzzz but it's not easy with a fretful Owner to contend with, and Bertie Bubb and Ruggles. our nerves are a bit shredded but more on this at the weekend!! until then, do give the new story a look in, as it is bound to bring you summer smiles!

Big Love Wonka XX

Saturday, 13 August 2016

The loneliness of the long distance WASP!!!

What are you on about Wonka?? What Wasp is this??

There it is folks!!! and it is the WOODHALL SERVICES WASP!!!  xxx
Owner set off proud as you like in the car with no name last Satdee for the Big birthday fest!!! That was in Hagley folks, just a couple of miles down the road JUST a few roundybouts and motorways to sort out!!! So did she stop off for a breather at Woodhall services.
THEN WhAt Wonka?? Then, according to Owner, she noticed a wasp smelling her cup of coffee. THEN IT DISAPPEARED she droned to me.....but later, as Owner was shooting down the A42 she looks in the wing mirror and spies a wasp clinging to the back window!!!!  And folks it hitched a ride all the way to the garage just off the A456 or whoever it called itself. 
I OPENED THE BOOT and off it went. droned Owner to me. Between the adrenalin of driving and the mood setting of WHAT IF IT STINGS ME....well Owner got there in record time folks.  And beyond all of that it was hotter than hot!! And then, she met up with millions of relatives unseen for years on end who all look the same. ish.XXXX
My weekend folks was peaceful and calm and our Aunty Paula popped in and out supplying us with HUGE amounts of food and biscuits and real chick (sorry chick!X) When Owner flung back in turning into a whirling dervish, with cleaning and washing and boiling kettles and such like, I had to pop upstairs for a zzzzzzzzzzzz.  I love it.X
What else you all wonder up in your hot countries or something very like it, is going on.  Owner has finally started to watch some Olympics and the legend of Michael Phelps. He is a swimming legend and we love him.X
The other big and exciting news is a big fish and chip outing when Owner met up with Daughter's new partner.  yes.  it is love and furthermore Dutch Love. Surely I said to Owner, we are not all brexiting the brexit.  It could be on the cards Wonka she droned to me.  personally, Bertie would not notice if he was in the Narnia here or in another country folks and Ruggles just needs a kitchen en suite PLUS a small outback to patrol....ME? thanks for asking, I need an Owner to keep in check and a trough full of my best biscuits. End of, and best fact up of the week so far.X
There has been a little writing.  AND some rewriting. Owner has said there must be a separate diary to tell folk about it. ALRIGHT THEN I says, being the supportive cat that I am.  The writing is crushed between episodes of Game of Thrones which I can tell you consists of plenty of sword fighting, arrow shooting, axe wielding, daggers at dawn and anytime really PLUS the other.  There is no work in sight and we are still very poverty stricken. YES I am throwing a coin in the wishing well AND rubbing the Buddha's tummy!!X
In a round up of other news, Ed Balls who used to be a Labour MP is now a Strictly dancer (OOOHH.x)

There he is!! he might be our fave we shall see....................x
Jezzer is up against it with nice Owen Smith and they have had husty hustings to shout at each other about how they will be FABerooni IF they get in power.  We are still FOR the welsh lad folks.  DO LABOUR STAND A HOPE OF REGAINING POWER Wonka you all want to know.  NON, NYET, and howdee doodee.  The strange orange American up against that nice Hillary with two ells, is still saying daft things and we do NOT love him. X
Do have a super cool week folks and do put lots of nice cool water out for everyone....there is talk of a heatwave here in our tiny blustery isle so take it nice and easy....Big Love Wonka XXXX

Saturday, 6 August 2016

A Night Out and a Nice Breakaway..

NOW WHAT Wonka?  I know it is hard to take in folks that Owner actually went out NOT after dark but nearly.  We will call it the evening.

WHY?  or POUQUOI or ZACHEM or just plain WOFUR (that is our fave the german one as it has FUR in it. It should have two dots over the U but I could not for the life of me find them.X)

Owner's big night out.

There she is! talking to a room full of Jezzerites with maybe a couple of ordinary voters. or members, or something.X
Owner insisted on going even though I said things like - YOU WILL BE A VOICE IN THE wilderness Owner.  it is past your bedtime.  YOU will be in a room full of smelly Labour supporters. alright it was a fairly warm eve and it wasn't their fault....(Owner had her best beyonce perfume on and this may have annoyed the two big chaps she was crushed between.  End of and nice smelly fact up.X).  I AM GOING she droned to me, TO SPEAK UP FOR that lad Owen.  Personally folks, the writing was on the wall but who am I to stop owner when she goes all passionate and such like.
When she fell back in a good two hours or more later, I immediately suggested a back to back session of Game of Thrones (series 2, eps 7 and 8.x).  I SPOKE UP she droned to me.
DID THEY LISTEN? I faithfully replied. ONLY SO THEY COULD PICK WHAT I SAID to pieces, she moaned back to me.
it seems that when there is a leadership contest. (big cross) each candidate can be loved up or insulted for a good half an hour. AND in Owner's ignorance (not blissful in this instance) most of the Jezzerites stood up and worshipped their leader ONCE to say how much they loved him and how clean and tidy he was but TWICE to shoot Owner down in flames for daring to speak up for that lad Owen AND take the second opportunity to bleat out more adulation for Jezzer. ! big meanies!! I did warn you Owner, I whispered up from quite low under the table, but luckily she didn't hear me above saying how proud she was for speaking up and GOING AGAINST A TIDE OF MAD Jezzer supporters.X
In other less labour splitting for sure now news, we have experienced a better week all round.  Owner is to have a small miniscule (she tells me.X) breakaway and our beloved catsitter will transform our lives for the weekend.  The car with no name has been sprayed with vanilla and must do as it is told especially on a big roundabout.  The outfits have been tried on, the hair is beauty (I know.X) and all is prepared. DE RIEN must stop Owner from having a superooni time.  WHY is she going Wonka?  It is a big birfdee celebration for her best cousin and she will mix and mingle with family.  There will be cake and vino to wash away all the troubles of the years so far.  so that is a lot of vino then. Push the boat out Owner!!X
As you know we are deep in Game of Thrones and Winterfell, the wall, those dragon thingies and Kings Landing. somehow Owner is having a life beyond those kingdoms and watching things like Corrie (Eileen is besotted with Feelan.) and Brief Encounters (weddings and fighting and ann Summer's parties.X) and those bruverly bruvs in Versailles.  We love Louis and his palace. We don't love all those nasty spies and goings on though.  owner insists on watching Inside Versailles which comes on straight after the end of the episode and I am forced to watch this man and smiley woman go on about HOW THEY USED TO LIVE.  I mean.X
There we are!  ME, Bertie and Rugglestop will see her off and then all get ready to be spoilt A LOT.X
Ruggles has been going round some garden and coming home with millions of grass seeds in his fur.  OH RUGGLES said Owner to him.  Bertie thinks he is starving but I have told him he is on a diet that is all.  I am trying to cut down of course I am, but I do need a little ballast.  End of.X
My final news for this week is to assure you folks of this.  Our next story Wonka's Egyptian Tale is being prepared for its final proof before printing!!And, the next Conversations with Wonka, part seven will go onto Smashwords.com later this month!! yippee!!X
I haven't said anything about brexit means brexit and I'm not going to.  Interest rates are so tiny they are nearly zero like those hours Owner used to muck about with.  And the bank of ingerland man, Mark has not been sighted for a good couple of weeks now. THIS could mean he is for the chop OR going to be promoted for being wrong like good King Boris was.....the second I wrote that did good King Carney appear on our gogglebox to ANNOUNCE a drop in interest rates.  Are we interested?? NON,NON and more NON.  but we do still love King Carney and hope he doesn't get the chop for being wrong. X
They do not call August the silly season for nothing or DE RIEN or nimic folks - it is full of folk going on holidee, or rallies (Jezzer) trying to get people to vote for you (Hillaree or Auld Rump) AND there is an Olympics too...... hold on tight to your tv sets folks for more wall to wall sport and me and Owner will hold on tight to our boxset!  Big Love Wonka X