Saturday, 26 November 2016

SPIDDER alert.

Dans this house folks, we call spiders SPIDDERS.  POURQUOI? or even WHY IS THAT you all shout up at me hale and hearty.

Because folks to call it, that thing with all those legs and fast moving, scuttling even, appearing suddenly and without warning and being too frightening to consider, well because calling it a Spidder makes it LESS SCARY.  This is Owner's problem and I have to live with it.  I know.  since our big traumatic move (I did suggest counselling, but she may not have heard me above sobbing into a big hankie about all the things she is missing.x) we have encountered (good use of word) a new kind of Spidder, and I class myself as a bit of an expert. these spidders are quite gangly and swift.  ALSO, they are adept at hanging about way out of my clawing reach.  When Owner was listening to me and not sobbing (I mean we wanted to move we really did, and we love it here so I am blaming Owner's silly lapse on the latest bug she caught from college.X) - yes when she did listen up, I said to her I said:

'The minute that spider comes my way, I'll have him.'
He never has come my way and we are still on the look out.  End of.
There we are! keeping a close eye on it.X
In other less exciting news, Owner has moved the plant (not the wotsit plant that is safe and down stairs.x) several times now and usually late at night just as I am settling down OR doing my nightly rounds. This means checking on Ruggles and Bertie.  Each time I return to the giant nest up above, has she moved it again.
I didn't like it there Wonka, she goes to me, IT DOMINATED the room.  soon folks even the plants will need counselling and the only creature free from care or worry is ME.X
Now due to Owner rushing over to daughters for grandson's early birfdee celebrations this is a short and sweet diary blog thingy wotsit.  usually I like to traipse through all the political news (all horrid all full of donwald and his merry men, brexit and how nothing is still happening, and how a Mr Heseltine who ended up with a daft nickname of tarzan killed a massive amount of squirrels and says that is alright to do that and we are just a load of disneyfied idiots for thinking squirrels are decent upstanding critters. Owner made me put all that and I'm sorry if you fell asleep.x) and all the telly news.  Suffice to say (OOH) Feelan in Corrie is still telling lies and getting away with it - next thing Eileen will have him back and in Enders Fil is still ill and wotsit is still being bullied at work. X
Next week surely must be the week of our dreams and not a horrid let down.  WHAT IS THIS? what is this talk of let downs you all say up.  All I'm saying is that Owner has been let down by the good local library. they won't have her story OUR best Christmas story in the children's bit BUT they offered to sell it and take 15% commission!!!!! Luckily Owner has seen the funny side of this after droning on about how she has supported libraries all her life.....zzzzzzzzzzzzzz OH! yes and she is smiling and calling herself a failure WHO is still prepared to fail!!! Until she succeeds that is.  AND on that positive note folks, sharpen your best claws and go get em!!  Big Love Wonka X

Saturday, 19 November 2016

Cold Snaps!

ONE MINUTE we are roasting and listening to the experts who say and I quote: '2016 will go on record as the driest warmest blah di blahdi year on record.' End of and weather report fact up.  Well it is in this house folks, due to owner disregarding the state of 1. (list) our finances..... 2.  our credit card (we love it.X) 3. the new system whereby Owner has to rush to a shop and purchase more gas.  This folks, is until good British Gas recognises we are used to living beyond our means and can afford to pay munthlee. (thanks to the good overdraft.  OH I said draft.there are some of these in the new home thanks to the windows.X)

The secret is folks to stay warm at all costs because, you cannot be creative if you are cold.  Now I promised you a recipe and here it is.  Forthwith:
There we are!! YES, it is the flapjack that Owner left in the good oven slightly longer than it said AND had to go at it with her hands in a sort of wrestling act to break it into pieces. IF, she had paused to take it out of the oven on time AND THEN, divided it up into 8 decent chunks, she would not have risked breaking all her expensive crowns and so on and so forth.  LUCKILY, it all stayed intact.  And folks, as it happens we prefer out flapjack overdone.  Put that in your cookery book and eat it Mr Marcus Wareing!!X
Now I have referred to the cheffie on Masterchef, I will say this.  MOST of the time Owner shouts at him and says things like: YOU ARE A BULLY and YOU will make him cry.  It is fair to say that he does look fearsome, often whilst he is praising a trembling chef.  Despite this, Owner got over herself and continued to watch it.  Monica has changed her hair to a sort of wheaten shade. (jury out.X)
In other lesser news, Donwald the Trump is forming a new family I mean staff I mean bits of his family mostly with other hangers on. And this folks, is what will then all shuffle into the White House and have talks and that.  God bless Americy I say.  Over here it is all the same, with Tresa Maynot gradually fading into the distance and who can recall Jezzer? Even less, who knows who Owen Smith is?? To think Owner rooted for him and talked him up. I know.  The best thing out there politically is Mr Ed Balls who is dancing himself into everyone's good books.  he has always been our fave along with whoever takes Owner's eye on a week to week basis.  Last week it was Greg.  HE IS A TRIER she told me up.X

Here we are!! Owner's little tribute to Larry (no 10)and Palmerston (foreign Office) and Gladstone (the treasury) - to celebrate Tresa Maynot and her phonecall with Donwald.  YOU ARE NO 11 INTHE QUEUE!! X
I am still very busy coming to terms with moving home and waiting for Owner to stop moving things around.  HOW many times have I stumbled down in the morning ready to supervise to find it has all changed?  I did suggest she leave well alone, but I whispered it from my window seat up in the crow's nest bathroom and she may not have heard me.............X
Ruggles is still in love with Camber who was observed popping next door to use their facilities. (a tiny patch of convenient (!) scrapeable earth). he has shown no signs of wanting to actually go outside as yet and mostly is sprawled out in his giant nest, the little study.  Bertie Bubb is hooked on Radio 2 we think which is left on for him up until good Simon Mayo signs off.  I am trying not to look at him but failing.X
Finally, the telly round up of the week, and we were bowled over by Corrie which has sprung new family members on us. (the Barlow family are extended.X )and good Ken B is out of hospital with his stroke. and talking out of the side of his mouth.  Owner finds this disturbing as it could happen to her. I said nothing folks, de rien, at this point.AND THEN, nasty Feelan stood over Michael who was playing detective and paid rather a high price for getting found out, yes Feelan stood over him as he lay dying.  THAT WAS A BIT DARK uttered Owner.....X
Now the good weekend is here, so really folks I implore you all to enjoy it.  Fur coats ahoy! and treat yourself. I mean it!! see you all soon.  Big Love Wonka X

Thursday, 17 November 2016

Has the world gone mad?

HAS IT WONKA?? well sometimes folks it seems like it.  Now because there has been a large amount of GROS, or MARE (that might be big in Romanian and I will keep you posted on that folks...X) visitors to my humble weekly diary, Owner suggested I pop an extra entry on here.  AND seeing as how she has woken up out of trance to tell me that, HERE IT IS.

Many of you, alright all of you, are unsure who I am, and so without further ado, THIS is it in a nutshell OR one of Owner's best cartoons.
Here we are!! First off I have to check on Bertie Bubb (aka The Bubster X) who has secured the entire world of under the bed.  Then, I have to check on Ruggles (aka Rug, Rugglesis etc X) he has taken over the entire boiler cupboard well the  miniscule floor space to it....then finally, I can pop downstairs for a bite to eat as by then I am starving.  AND, that by my paw is my best mousey.  End of.X
I shall make another appearance on Satdee folks with a brand new fresh and lively diary entry.  Owner says some people call it a blog but ME, I can call it whatever I like.X
See you soon folks....big Love Wonka X
PS and if you are wondering why the world may have gone mad you only need to turn on the news OR read the papers OR listen to the good radio.  For safety and normality Owner is insisting we watch Enders and Shirlee's new hairdo.  And weep over Masewd's leaving.X

Saturday, 12 November 2016

Then it happened.X

WHAT DID Wonka?? you all whisper up having just woken up slash got up slash been up for hours and just about to pop back for a proper sleep...... That strange chap Donwald the Trump conquered Hillary with two ells and is even now POISED to go in the White House. He is the new president elect folks and NO ONE personne OR nowee kahin (and that folks is hindi, YES x) can believe it.

There we are! we turned on the good radio two and all we herd next was trump trump trump AND WE DON'T mean Nellie the Elephant either.  it is what the world has turned into whilst we were all looking folks - so we had best keep a good proper eye out now.  End of and donwald the trump fact up.X
IS THERE ANY OTHER NEWS to speak of Wonka you all ask up nicely noticing that I am a tad annoyed this morning. And yes siree there is!  Owner's soiree passed off without a hitch!  DID THE VINO help you all pester me up..... the vino, the cheesle and biscuits and the crowning glory folks was Owner's flapjack. if you are patient and good I might pop the recipe on here next week.... and If Owner had pulled the tray out of the oven say 5 minutes earlier she wouldn't have had to go at it with hammer to break it up into bite size pieces!! it was blinking gorgeous! X
So there we are folks the new home, or Crows Nest as we call it, is well and truly christened.  Ruggles has been making strange mewling noises at the little study window and we think it is about Camber. WHO?  Camber lives at No 1, and looks a bit handy.  She is a beauty champagne colour, and fluffy with it.  She sat atop the wall just over the backway and Ruggles spied her. DID SHE NOTICE Wonka? you all want to know and are wide awake now with this good diary blog thingy wotsit.  Camber did look up once Owner made silly kissing noises at the window.  There may be a cartoon of this who knows.  it is hard enough getting Owner to do anything as she will bleat on about how tricky it was moving (?) and sorting out the new home (?) and doing a job as well.......ME? thanks for asking, and as you know I've had my work cut out as I have three floors to do it all on now and TWO lots of facilities to scrape in (how was I to know one was for Rugglesis? x) and three feeding zones.  it is exhausting folks I can tell you.X
Money wise we are leaning hard on our best friend the credit card who is proving to be a warm and generous friend. NO ONE and personne again, is looking at our new tale, A Spooky Tale and we do recommend it.  once more folks it is on good
and here is now to get there..............
you will love it when you do......................X
There we are!!  That is Ginger Tom who takes us through the tale and there is the clock with the secret - oh! that lost hour and what happened there ......X and if you want to read more about this story, which is part of a trilogy (ooohhh!) then you must read our New Year's Eve story, also on, the second installment - and wait! The third and final installment may be uploaded for the end of this year folks.  What a treat.....X
Now folks we are deep into the begin of Winter weather and the trickledown to Christmas, so wrap up warm and fluff up your furry coats!  smile at your enemies as nothing confuses them more than being loved instead of the other AND keep a good eye on that donwald chappie. I haven't mentioned Tresa Maynot and I'm not going to.  Big Love Wonka X


Saturday, 5 November 2016


WHAT IS A SOIREE Wonka? you all whisper up to me, having got through a hard old week and slept in nicely.  This is what Owner is throwing next Fridee folks to, (quote.X):

"Christen the new house Wonka!"

I can only hope yes and pray to the God of Soirees, that it all turns out alright folks.  She has been mumbling on about 'just' a few of this and 'just' a few of that. I mean where am I sposed to hide for it?? And what of Ruggles? I KNOW you will wonder why I am concerned about my old adversary (excellent use of word) BUT since moving here, I am slowly getting used to the idea that FRIENDS can be a good thing.  Even Owner is realising this and moving away from her inbuilt hermit roots. Bertie will know no different as he has a HUGE hideaway anyway and will simply scuttle under it. (my other giant nest aka Owner's pit.X)
There we are!! During the week, Owner spied a rainbow and startled the group she was in by going 'OOOHHH' and 'AHHHH' and taking millions of photos of it.  BUT it was a double rainbow and we all know how special they are...............X
What else can I report up folks?? WE love our NEW home! And Owner has met cartloads of neighbours who are all lovely and normal.  We just may have landed on our paws this time folks and not before time. Aside from the fact that we are even more poverty stricken and CANNOT earn enough to keep me in best biscuits life folks is good.  Just a miniscule reminder that there is a Christmas Book wobbling about out there AND there is the new Spooky tale on AND, Owner has news that the new story to be published by good #austinmacauley 'Wonka Presents! - An Egyptian Tale' will be published at the end of January 2017 - so a New Year present!! - it is a tale I am extremely proud of AND illustrated by my best Owner X
There he is!! Ramondo from the tale and a very ancient visitor......brought to us by no less than Gingertop! Do you remember gingertop who used to visit us all the time and gobble up Rugglesis food? well he has crept into this story so you had better read it to find out more!  Pop that date in you diaries folks End of Jan 2017!! X
In the wicked world of politics all is going horribly wrong folks.  The big orange trumpman is hurtling towards the white house and can Hillary with the two ells stop him? NO ONE or PERSONNE can believe it is happening a bit like Brexit. Owner is still in denial about that and it happened months ago now BUT a good high court ruling by some good high court Judges has decided that Tresa MAY not just hurtle on out of the EEYEW without consulting Parliament. a lot of folks are up in arms about this with sayings such as 'the people have voted!' and 'the people said!' IS THIS MOB RULE droned Owner to me in the week? I mean I thought all those mob I mean people wanting to leave the EEYEW wanted to do so because we have our own sovereign rules to abide by.......... THAT'S the trubble with people Wonka, Owner further droned to me, THEY KNOW de rien. End of and political fact up.X
In the tv world things are moving on apace.  The Bake off ended and Wednesdees are not the same, in Corrie Roy is getting married and thingy has left thingy.  Where is Saint Todd? there are a few far flung storylines and Owner is a tad restless and as for Enders, there may or may not have been a wedding.  Ben had some therapy and shouted at the therapist but Owner says this is par for the course. yes. Really we must cling to Strictly and Dani and Oti which sounds like a breakfast ceriel and Ore and Jo - we do like Gregg still and who knows he could win it. Stranger things are happening. We have lost the plot with the Hex FActor and Honey G keeps getting voted in.  I know.X
Now it is Bonfire night and need I say more.  We have had to contend with horrid whistling noises and nasty bangs I AM NOT in favour. RIP Mr Fawkes and bring on the silent fireworks please. After tonight we are on the countdown to Christmas folks and the decorations will be dusted down and checked over. NO, Owner has not made any decisions about WHERE or WHO to spend it with as yet.  it is a mystery to be solved............... Do go on to have a good week folks, sniff that cold air and wrap up warm!! Big Love WonkaX