Saturday, 31 December 2016

Wonka's New Year's Eve FULL ON Alert!!

How folks, has it come to this SO SOON!! Did that year whip by or did it WHIZ us by??  it is time, to say Cherio, Docvedanya (sorry all those Russky people out there thinking what is Wonka on about?  it is sposed to be good night....X) bon nuit and Auf Wiederhesen to 2016 AND Howdy up to 2017!!

 
 
There we are WAVING cherio to what Owner has called very nicely I must say 'ONE HELL OF A YEAR Wonka!'.  Perhaps you folks are saying cherio to the best year of your life, OR a half decent year, OR a just alright year.  Owner, on the other hand, has had to battle with nursing homes, with publishers, with libraries (who lost Owner's donated copy of our best story ever, Wonka's Christmas Story, I know.X) with the noisiest neighbours since the last noisy neighbours, AND take on new homes and jobs.  I DON'T wANT another relentless year like that one Wonka, she droned to me. Me? thanks for asking, well of course I have had to get on with it just the same, checking that Bertie Bubb is still alive (he is.x) that Ruggles isn't eating too much of my food (he is.x) and that I'm still King in this house (I am.X).
 
Have you made a list of things you are resolved to do in 2017?  Owner says she is NOT making one.  Between me and you folks, she has more or less given it all away either as she is falling asleep as I can ask her any question and get a truthful answer OR when she is mumbling to herself which is most of the time.  She is resolved to travel.  Where to Owner, I said rather nicely I thought it being snuggled up to my tea time.  ANYWHeRE she goes back.  She is resolved to write another story OR at least finish the one about the Cat who wasn't there.  OH I says still full of interest...... zzzzzz OH! anything else I pestered her to know?  I wouldn't mind a companion she droned.  Now whether this is a feline, canine or HUMAN kind, she didn't say.  personally and thanks for asking I don't fancy any. End of.X
 
As we chug to the end of this horrid year with lots of our best entertainers and singers and wotnot going off to the other room including our best fave Mr Gene Wilder..... we have not dwelt on horrid political events much.  Jezzer or someone pretending to be him keeps emailing Owner with news of how successful the labour party is now with him at the helm and all this despite Owner putting a stop to her membership and everything.  She even spoke on the phone to some Labour supporter about it, and how the supporter continued to support after that is anyone's guess....X
 
Tresa May may or may not be wearing those leather trews (so common said Owner.X) but if she is not careful she will be overtaken by a better bet like Ed Balls!! Even the Lib Dems are in with a whisper we think.  All to play for.XX
 
Have you any special moments to remember Wonka, for 2016? you all nervously ask me...............  When I popped to the vet for my booster and I weighed exactly the same as the year before!! and, when Owner threw a soiree to celebrate moving into our new crow's nest and all the visitors admired me saying things like HE'S BIG ISN'T HE!!! X
 
Owner has been up and been down and all over the place folks BUT still uploaded our latest story (another story for the New Year) and  we look forward to an Egyptian Tale being published at the end of January. GULP.  And to all those wonderful people who bother to read our stories well we love you.  End of.X
 
 

 
There we are!! saying a big thank you! X
 
 
Now if you throwing a little soiree or a big party or wotnot don't forget folks we are not as partial as you are, to a firework!!! Be good and Be safe folks.X
 
 
Last up, Owner has confessed to a small alright medium sized crush on Rick Astley who she reports up, doesn't know Owner exists OR will ever read this good diary (?)...and had to buy his best ever CD called 50.  I know.  She has played it once so far whilst making the trifles and I could get used to it.X
 
 
It has come to that time folks for me, and Owner, and those two alright Bubster and Rugglestop to wish you a wonderful 2017 full of what you need and bring you health and wealth too.  And most of all, a year full of all the FUN that this year didn't have.  Big Love Wonka and a very Happy New Year!! X

Wednesday, 28 December 2016

New Story Alert!!

Here it is!! the very latest Wonka Presents!

 
Owner pulled out all the stops and Hey Presto!!
 
 
 
It is still 'pending review' folks, but GO ON, treat your little selves to a special story for the New Year............Big Love Wonka X

Saturday, 24 December 2016

Merry Christmas from Wonka!

And here we are folks! Tis the Christmas Day now!

Have a loving and peaceful time folks out there wherever you may be, and whatever your furry paws are up to!

From me and Owner and oh alright, Bertie Bubb and Rugglestop
Big Love X
 
 
As our hero Mr Charles Dickens said or something very like it folks - keep a bit of Christmas in your heart all the year round -
have a merry old time and I'll be back before the year is out.
X

Wonka's ADVENT!

Welcome folks to my SAtdee ADVENT and little tiny eensy weensy round up of the week.  First UP is it Christmas Eve?  YES SIREE you all shout up and has it been a week or what?? Owner reports having to queue up in her least fave supermarket and finally (she tells me up.  I know.X) she had to shout at the man in the yellow jacket who, she droned to me, was supposed to be directing busy shoppers who had had enuffski, out of said car park.  DID HE HELP Owner? I says nicely because it was smack on my tea time?? FINALLY Wonka, she told me, and only after she had fixed him with her special fed up stare.  I mean.X

Diversion whilst we look at the final ADvent before the day:
 
Aha! What else would it be but our very best Christmas Story! with Owner's best ever illustrations.  We love it and we are proud!! here it is, in a real picture folks:
 
There it is folks!! and soon be time for the new story............X
 
Owner survived her work's do and even came home in time for tea. DID YOU ENJOY IT Owner I says to her, once more mindful (I do like that word.  mindful. X) that it was snuggling up to a snackeral of something.  IT WAS VERY CIVILISED Wonka she did tell me.  it turns out she was sat at a round table wedged between a work colleague she likes and someone she hasn't met before.  HE DID GO ON ABOUT HIMSELF Wonka, she told me.  It could have been nerves I suggested, and I did say I would have been a bit nervous sat next to her but luckily she didn't hear me above going on about the nice guinness she had in the pub after.X
 
Apart from that little foray, Owner has mostly been busy mucking about with shopping and looking after the house and looking after us and keep going up and down stairs with things. She has packed a bag up she tells me for the Christmas Eve tea party with aged parent and sibling.  sometimes folks these little get togethers especially where family is involved have disaster written all over them but Owner assures me that what happened last year IS NEVER HAPPENING AGAIN Wonka.  OH I said up politely.  We are not, she continued up, having a rerun of last Christmas.  End of.  Which is why folks, the season of goodwill with the ageds, has moved forward to today, the Eve, and not the Day.  This, is to be spent with daughter and fiancĂ©e and grandson.. I know.X
 
In the world of politics there is not overmuch to report except Owner muttering about Jezzer, Tresa May and that Donwald the Trump over the ocean.  None of them are worth a minute more of this good diary folks.  Bring back Ed Balls!!X Him and Yvette make a lovely team.  Why can't we have a joint Labour leader? just saying.X
 
Now I expect you are all worn out and needing a sherry and NOW folks I am going to let you twist off the top, or pop the cork and have a good swig of your fave Christmas tipple.   Owner will be making mince pies and chucking back the sherry upon her return from that family get together with the ageds.......X
 
Do enjoy your Eve folks, and try and bear up with what is, or is not, on the good telly.  Bertie Bubb is doing very well on his temporary fish diet due to his inner workings and Ruggles is keeping busy mostly sleeping, eating, inspecting out front and back and the other. ME?  Full of Christmas Cheer and jollity and looking forward to my present which as we know, is a step up from last year's one.X
 
Stockings out folks, mincepies and wotnot for The Father Christmas and do wish on that big bright star glittering away up there in the heavens! Big Love Wonka X



Friday, 23 December 2016

Wonka's ADVENT!

Folks we are practically rubbing shoulders with the eve of the good Christmas Day it being DAY Twentythree of my special ADvent:
 
Well I'll be blown down to the bottom of our new patio stroke yard stroke new vista if that isn't ME and my Christmas Stocking!! As you know, Owner quickly hid my present AND Bertie's and Rugglesis before I could spy it.  I did jump in the box BUT it was too big and deep to make much of a fuss in, so I abandoned it (big word but I like it.X)
 
Whatever you do folks don't forget your good neighbours.  yes I said GOOD neighbours because that's what we have now!  They are all doing things like popping cards through the door saying cheery things AND saying who it is from too - even better, was the one that had a small square of FOUR yes FOUR blocks of chocolate in it just as Owner was about to sip her coffee.  How fortuitous was that? (that word has tired me out and I need a good long snoozle now....zzzz....OH!x)X
 
Wrap up warm folks as you battle round the shops for bread and milk! Big Love Wonka X

Thursday, 22 December 2016

Wonka's ADVENT!

Jingle those bells if it isn't the day before the day before the day before the DAY itself folks!  DAY twenty two even of my best Advent:
 
Lookey up folks if it isn't good #Ruggles and in the distance Gingertop!! I know, you are all whispering between yourselves saying things like has Wonka gone off his rocker, who is Gingertop who is he?? Gingertop folks, and I HAVE NOT GONE FUNNY, gingertop used to call up at our old homestead demanding food and mostly demanding it off Ruggles.  AND, Gingertop is in the next story to be published by our best and only publishers.
 
Wonka Presents! An Egyptian Tale - it stars ME, Owner (with a bit part) Gingertop and an ancient Egyptian called Ramondo.  It is fab and I cannot talk it up enough. This is a good thing according to Owner as our good publishers Austin Macauley they be, might not talk it up quite as much.  I know.X
 
Now as we edge nearer and nearer to the Day, the other thing that is looming folks is the New Year.  There! I have mentioned it at last and you are all reaching for your bit of paper with the resolution on it.  OR, like Owner, you are making one. Yes.X
 
Take it steady as you go, and you mustn't open the sherry just yet.  Owner says Christmas Eve is the acceptable time to wrench the top off, sling a good wallop of it in a big glass with a soupcon of lemonade to pep it up. and, if you are lucky enough to have some pink elephants to float in it straight out of the ice box you are very lucky indeed. Remember folks, NOT TIL THE EVE!! 
Big Love Wonka X

Wednesday, 21 December 2016

Wonka's ADVENT!

Bonjour, Ola, Dobroye utro! (blimey I have outdone myself - that is good morn in rusky Russian. maybe. X) and everyone else in the known world Good Morning!!  it is now whether we like it or not, DAY TwentyONE of December and time for the next good advent:
 
Blow me down stairs and to the new back door if it isn't Bertie Bubb!! No longer huddled in the Narnia cupboard but living it up in the land of bedroom with an entire ensuite at his disposal.  I know.  jealous? MOI? not a bit of it.  Just because when I trot upstairs after a hard day's checking and cause a little cafuffle (catfuffle!!X) and Bertie seems to find me threatening and must hiss and run away - I mean?.... STOP IT Wonka mumbles Owner, who says she was just dropping off to sleep.  I know.X
 
Now do stick to your list and try not to start buying things 1.  You don't need. and 2.  Neither do they. 3. it is the shortest day so that will help!!  Big Love Wonka X
 
PS Owner was moaning up last night that she misses looking over at her old neighbour's house and seeing his fab light show round his good front door. so guess what! Does she look out of our new crow's nest home this morn and spots his giant van parked up opposite.  ITS HIM she shouts up to me and I must say I was enjoying FIVE precious minutes shut eye BUT I am rejoicing too.  DID SHE GO OUT AND TALK TO HIM Wonka? you are all now on the edge of your best seats wantin to know. YES! X

Monday, 19 December 2016

Wonka's ADVENT!

Herewith and Hereforth folks, this is such a time for thinking about others (you know like me when I consider Bubster and Ruggles oh and Owner too.....X) and being kind and wotnot.  We need plenty of wotnot especially where there isn't any.  Now it is DAY TWENTY!X
 
Well Blow me to the top of my new stairs if it isn't the beautiful STAR from #joeschristmas - and this folks, is the star to make your Christmas Wishes on.  GO ON!!! It will be taken up by the Returns Dept and you will see a return on it!!X
 
My wish, is pretty straightforward folks, it is for a peaceful and loving day (and I am really sorry Owner that I lashed out when all you were doing was giving me a nice brush round. bertie Bubb never says a word and even Ruggles takes it nicely.  It is just me.X)
 
Enjoy! Big Love Wonka X

Wonka's ADVENT!

Here we go here we go! the final twinkly fullon week before good Christmas Day. and guess what? NO that is not it! NYET, NON and how's your father but one of our good neighbours who has a nice outback which we can look out on...........and Ruggles does until I shove him I mean ask him to move out of the way - well this good neighbour has only gone and strung a massive load of pretty lights in his big hedge that we can all see!! They are a twinkling bunch of lights filling us with Christmas wotnots.X
Here we are folks on DAY NINETEEN.x
 
OH now lookey here if it isn't Owner's best donkey ornament given to her by Daughter..... I LOVE THAT DONKEY Wonka, she drones up to me when she spots today's advent.  And I must say folks, it is a fave of mine.  We love donkeys!X
 
Now do go steady folks as people go a bit funny at this time of year and I'm not just talking about Owner!! Keep your claws sharp and your whiskers a tingle!! Big Love Wonka X

Sunday, 18 December 2016

Wonka's ADVENT!

Exciting or what folks but this time next week........you will be thinking oh it is the day of days - some of you will just enjoy the holidee whilst others might be thinking of new stars in the sky and wotnot.  Owner has gone all dreamy as she was at aged parent's Christmas party yesterdee singing carols and blowing those noisy party trumpets. I AM IN THE MOOD now Wonka she announced when she fell in WAY PAST my tea time.  bubbster thought he was proper starving and even Ruggles looked perplexed (excellent use of word!) Now folks for the advent..................X
 
Ah there it is!  The very old wooden chest where #Diva 's spell was placed when it had been woven in by Good Fairy.  She made Diva's special plan and wove it into the silky fabric which then folded itself into the chest and was locked away...............who could find it and read it and create mischief?? You'll have to read it and find out! Free to read on smashwords.com X
 
Now have a nice easy time of it today because next week is sure to ruffle your fur up and have you in a spin! Big Love Wonka X

Saturday, 17 December 2016

Wonka's ADVENT!

Just think folks, that next Satdee twill be the eve of Christmas. This folks, is our very own favourite night of all, because it hovers over the day - Owner says it is a special time for making your peace and such like.  I did say how soppy she has gone but she didn't hear me above looking for today's best advent.....X
 
There it is!  from our #Diva stories and that is Em, who is Diva's owner, and Em's best friend Gordon.  The story is set in Glasgow city, Scotland and follows little pupster and the fairies, good and bad - with Em being very trying indeed.  Luckily, one of those fairies has the sense to sort it all out!X
 
What has the week been like you all gasp up, spent all your money and wondering who to spend Christmas with.  Owner has finally finished at the college with all those young people struggling to meet a simple deadline and string a sentence together. You were young once, I reminded Owner when she started to moan up - of course it was rather a long time ago and due to me whispering that but from behind the curtain, she may not have heard me.... 'I remember being that age Wonka!' she droned to me, 'and I didn't listen to anyone!'  That folks, is the story of her life.X
 
It is a strange time of year with people buying things they can't afford and giving them to people who don't need them. Now I happen to know that my present is hiding in the sideboard and it is a thousand times better than last years'.  IT IS NOT A SILLY CRINKLY TUNNEL WITH A DANGLY THING AT THE END.  I took against it near enough immediately folks and would not play with it.

 
There it is!!  It was called a play tunnel AND IT WASN'T! end of.  Owner did give it away to the nice RSPCA shop and it is possible some kitwits might play with it.  BECAUSE I DIDN'T.X
 
Have you all made a little wish for Christmas yet? it could be for a reunion with a long lost friend or maybe someone in your family - it could be for a new friend to play with and hug OR it could be for a new something.  Owner has said she wants to travel BUT come back home again as she couldn't leave ME or Bubb or Rug for long. I love it.X
 
Tresa maynot has been in the news again for wearing the WRONG trews.  They were leather and very expensive and according to Owner, they were HORRID.  And on the wrong side of £900. As far as we know Jezzer is still bowling around in trainers and hoodies.  I know.X
 
That brings us round to the Strictly Finale!  Our money is still on Dannymac and Oti BUT it is all to play for - they are all weeping for ingerland and goodness knows what will happen later on!BUT WE WILL BE GLUED TO IT! In the soaps it has all gone very gloomigogs, with robberies and Feelan has been tapped over the head and now Eileen says she does love him a million times over and Owner says she says HAS SHE BEEN TAPPED OVER THE HEAD TOO!!X
 
As we head off into the sunset of next week with our shopping lists and TO DOs, I will be busy as purr checking on bubster who is using the facilities like they are going out of fashion, and Ruggles who has taken to yodelling like Frank Ifield. WHO IS THAT Wonka you all shout up at me, breaking away from your Satdee wotsits.....Owner reports he was an old singer who sang and I quote: 'She taught me how to Yodel, Yodel ai I HOO!!!!'  I know.X
 
Now I want you all to make that wish, and be extra good! It is a big week and so I send you as ever, Big Love Wonka X
 
PS there will be an extra report on how Owner survived I mean enjoyed her first Christmas Lunch stroke Jolly with the new college colleagues.......X that folks is on tuesdee.XX


Friday, 16 December 2016

Wonka's ADVENT!

Whatho my hearties! somehow we have landed up on Fridee and it is DAY Sixteen and only one more Fridee before the good day itself....X
 
Ah! We do love a candle in this house whatever the season but come the season of goodwill and does Owner go mad!! Well a little more than usual....I mean I am always finding my way round in the gloom but at Christmas time it is even more special and candlelit!  We have little candles, bigger candles, smelly candles....I love it! and a variety of candle holders topped off by a little nativity one and Santa.  For any further advice on candles you must stop off here!!
 
Have a fun filled Fridee folks and do not let any furry people push you around!! Big Love Wonka X
 

Thursday, 15 December 2016

Wonka's ADVENT!

We are whipping through this week folks! I'll go up two flights of stairs if it isn't DAY Fifteen!!!x
 
Here we are! and this is an illustration from #DuffelAgain !! You should know by now where to hunt it down......YES, on smashwords.com  It is our very own Duffel, who lives on Level Two and sent on yet another mission to our good planet, to rescue a pet left behind.....and there he is having his palm read by Madam Fortuna!  This is the second in the series.  Now, in the very first Duffel Story, he is sent to bring back Sam - a beloved cross collie dog left here on earth by accident when his owner leaves; the owner, safe and sound on Level Two (a sort of room next door folks) cannot manage or cope without Sam! hence Duffel's journey and mission to retrieve him - and Duffel? A young lad entrusted with said coat, and a few magic turns, arrives suddenly and with only a set amount of time to find Sam and get back!  Exciting or what? In the second tale (Duffel Again) you'll have to read it and find out who is to be rescued, and whether Sam re appears..........  we love our Duffel stories. x
 
Do have a thrilling Thursday full of all you could wish for!
Big Love Wonka X

Tuesday, 13 December 2016

Wonka ADVENT!

Tis the season of goodwill folks and blow me down if a little bit of that magic didn't blow our way......twinkly lights across the way and a phone call from a second cousin put a BIG smile on Owner's face!  and now of course it is DAY 14!

 
 
There we are!! I knew she would turn up sooner or later and it is Bad Fairy  from #Diva....and her pet slug.   She caused all sorts of trouble and mischief for that pupster and Good Fairy had her work cut out to put things upright!  do read the #Diva stories on smashwords.com and brighten up your day. X
 
Have a twinkly and wonderful Wednesdee folks! Big Love Wonka X

Monday, 12 December 2016

Wonka's ADVENT!

Howdy up folks! without any further ado or wotsits we are up to DAY Thirteen.....
Would you look at that!! It is only me telling the Christmas Caterol! from Wonka's Christmas Story!! and we called it a Caterol because our hero - that is me and Owner's hero folks, is none other than Mr Charles Dickens famous amongst other stories for writing his Christmas Carol.  One of my fave stories for Christmas time and if you haven't read it - you know what to do!!

Have a tinsel tapping Tuesdee folks! Big Love Wonka X

Sunday, 11 December 2016

Wonka's ADVENT!

In the blink of an eye it is only turned into DAY TWELVE!! X


 
 
Lookey up folks!  It is only our one and only published story!  it is fully illustrated by Owner and without further or purry ado I tell you all to RUSH OUT or RUSH ONLINE and buy it up!  You will not folks, find a better Christmas Story.......... published by the very same Austin Macauley that I mentioned before (they told Owner NO ONE had bought our book. I know.X) and yes, I am a very biased feline!  have a wonderful Mundee folks, big Love Wonka X

Wonka's ADVENT!

Happy Day Up folks!! here we are on good Sundee DAY Eleven!

 
Ho Ho HO! it is our jolly santa tealight.  Yes that's right folks, Owner carefully lights a little tealight and places it inside! Then does our Santa light up.  This year, and don't ask me why (Pourquoi? even X) but it is lighting up our best and only table INSTEAD of the trunk stroke desk stroke coffee table substitute that adorns the new living room.  SO FAR folks, Owner has not got up just before nodding off for the night to rush down and move it. I love it. X
 
Do have a perfectly calm and peaceful Sundee folks and see you soon! Big Love Wonka X
 


Saturday, 10 December 2016

Wonka's ADVENT!

Happy Satdee folks and bonjour, ola and howdy doody!  We are on the last Satdee before the last Satdee because the next one after that is good Christmas Eve,  And today is DAY TEN folks:

 
 
It's only ME again!  and would you look at that, I am laying on our very first Christmas Story.....
 
ebook/dp/B0190KLJ2I/ref=reader_auth_dp
 
 
 
And there it is in the flesh.  As a proper real book.  We have to boast it up folks because guess what.  NO that is not it.  the good publishers contacted Owner a while back at least two maybe three months (where does the time go folks? even when you are NOT enjoying yourself??x) to say the book had sold DE RIEN or NIMIC or in English just plain ZILCH copies.  when she had stopped crying to listen I was saying about all these well known famous people who took AGES to be famous and nearly starved to death first.  LIKE WHO WONKA? she demanded to know...............
there was a long pause (paws.X) while I raked round for an answer but that only gave Owner a chance to weep some more.  There is always the credit card I whispered up, and folks, this has saved us many a good year. Past present and Future, we love it!!X
 
In other news, it has been a fretful and intense week at college and how all those students are faring with Owner trotting round and staring at them I don't know.  Luckily there is one week to go and they are all released back into the wild - Owner discovered a slight blip in her holidee calendar which means she must still pop into college until the Tuesdee even though all the students are NOT THERE.  This, she moaned up to me, is the story of my life Wonka!  And I says up, this Owner is the conversations with Wonka story!!X
 
In the political world all these supreme judges are listening to why Tresa Maynot cannot suddenly whisk off and trigger that Article without a full blown parliament vote on it. those pesky Tories.  Jezzer has fallen even further behind in those rating thingies and the lib dems won a by election wotsit.  Boris has been mucking about and saying things to stir us all up - so what is new you all shout up and ask me??  and what would Boris's Dad say??x
 
Finally the good tv has more or less bolstered us up through it all with good storylines in corrie.  Roy is having panic attacks and rashes on his neck and Feelan is being found out slowly and surely.  Everyone is still pregnant too!! In Strictly I am supporting Ore Ore Ore and Owner is all for Dannymac and Oti. What of rugglestop and Bertie you all demand to know suddenly realising I have not mentioned.  THEY ARE FINE.x
 
Rugglesis new routine includes popping down in the daytime whilst I am still there, and looking for a snack.  Also whilst I am still there.  then, he looks at me and I look at him and then he skips back upstairs and sometimes folks, I dart up behind him.  Bertie bubb is still fairly unaware we have moved and is enjoying a larger space (the under the bed space) and a red hot rad when Owner does turn it on.  she goes 'I'll have to turn it off now Bertie as we'll be too hot.'
Personally I would save the explanation as he won't get it.  anycase he has a heated woolly pad.  I know.X
 
Now with two weeks' to go folks, I want you to at least consider why we are having this fest at all. AH, you all remembered.  Those wise men following that big star, that shepherd seeing an angel - that is the real Christmas story folks - when something special happened in the world and even the animals knew about it.  With that happy Christmassy thought I will wish you a merry Satdee and Big Love, Wonka X
 
 
 


Thursday, 8 December 2016

Wonka's ADVENT!

Halloah up my hearties! Here we are on the last Fridee before the next two Fridees and then................... it is the Christmas Eve..ah and it is now DAY NINE! x and for all my new admirers from rusky Russia it is my bestest  advent Kalendar (that's Russian for calendar don't you know......X) and for everyone else in the known world it is still my bestest.
 
LOOKEY folks it is my best Mousey! and me. He is still keeping me company AND I have warned him already that whatever that present is (it is hiding in the sideboard folks but I know it is there) yes whatever that present is for my Christmas, I will still love him best of all.  I know.X
 
Have a fun filled day and remember to be kind!  Just like I am to Bertie and Rugglestop. Big Love Wonka X

Wonka's ADVENT!

We could say how many days left til THE DAY itself but instead I will just say it is DAY 8 folks in the week before the week before the week.X
Blow me down it is ME!! and telling you all up about the many stories in the #conversationswithwonka series!!  It all begins with the very first one:
 
from there folks you just carry on down the list as even when they do not say conversations with wonka - they still are!! and we can
thank Owner for that...so Golly goes to Heaven and Just Wonka and so on and so forth are all part of the beloved series.  They chart the sorry process of Owner's life unravelling with mostly ME to guide and advise her on.  I know.X
 
have a merry and fun packed day folks.  Big Love Wonka X

Tuesday, 6 December 2016

Wonka's ADVENT!

What ho and how's your decorations going?  Owner has decked the whole new homeo out and it is sparkly and glittery and bonny. 
It is now DAY SeVAN!!!!!  x   

 
 
There we are!!! It is our advent from #joeschristmas, free to read on Smashwords.com  and the little glass paperweight with the tree inside.  And lo and behold when it is given a little shake does the star pop out ready to be wished on.....
 
Have you made your special wish yet folks? Now is the time.X
 
Big Love Wonka x
 



Monday, 5 December 2016

Wonka's ADVENT!

HEY UP folks or should I say docvedanya! Owner says that is a terrible spelling of good evening in Rusky Russian. OR how about howdy doody up which is hallo in Americy OR straightforward bonjour in frenchy France.  ANYHOW it is now DAY SIX folks:

 
 

AHA that is #Diva woofing it up to her good fairy...and no bad fairy in sight as yet.  #Diva is free to read on smashwords.com and used to be a real woolly woofter pupster living with Owner (before my time folks.X).  And you knew this was coming!!! It is a story in three wonderful installments too!!

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/564416

It all begins in Glasgow folks, where this pupster was born and then the magic begins! Good fairy and the spell in the chest, and Emmaline who is Diva's new owner who has run away from home, well sort of, and then there is Ma, her Mum and last but not least Kimmy dog.  And not a word have I said about that bad fairy .....X

Do enjoy your advent Tuesdee folks and Big Love Wonka X

Sunday, 4 December 2016

Wonka's ADVENT!

Howdy up folks and the Christmas countdown is ON! It is DAY Five already and the brand new start to the week:

 
Ah it is none other than little Joe atop Neddy rocking horse racing through the night to the Returns Dept to make a wish come true..... The Old Administrator might change things though.... all free to read in three beauty installments folks! on smashwords.com X
 
See you soon big Love Wonka X

Wonka's ADVENT!

Another day into our advent and it is DAY four folks:

 
There we are!  And it is the little snow globe from #JoesChristmas with the falling star to make your Christmas wishes come true.  Owner says that like in the story, our wishes do come true, so come on folks, make that wish!! X
 
 
 
There we are folks, if you want a proper tale, this is it and it is free and in THREE wonderful parts, on smashwords.com.
 
Have a wonderful day, big Love Wonka X

Saturday, 3 December 2016

Wonka's ADVENT and news.......X

Here we are my little and large folks wherever you are in the world you all look forward to MY news and MY advent.

DAY THREE:
 
Here we are!! There is #duffel and Sam who star in three stories all on smashwords.com.  The very first Easter story, then another #Duffel again and then, our last one which is on this very link:
 
 
 
And there it is folks!
 
In other fascinating news Owner has bought shares now in Kleenex soft tissues.  I said to her (from up in the crows nest whilst she was snuffling and snorting in the kitchen) I said Owner will you never stop blowing your snort I mean your nose. I don't think she heard me though above searching for the next packet of tissues and downing more hot lemon.  I know.X
 
Ruggles has more than settled in and has a daily routine. Eating sleeping using the facilities and a bit of glaring out at the vista towards the sea and towards the miniscule street at the front.  It is so tiny I thought Owner would never park up, but blow me down after a life time of revvings and wotnot, she did it.  Very proud.  Now Bertie as you know rests up in the crows nest oblivious to the world outside except for the intricacies of brexit.  He took against this from day one and is still pondering on what Tresa Maynot will muck about with next.  The web of lies is unravelling folks.  I know, I thought that was poetic even though Owner said to take it out Wonka!X
 
Telly wise I have been limited by Owner's cold which seemed to dictate (good use of word) going to beddy byes around 8pm instead of the usual 9pm or sometimes when she pushed the boat out, 10.  For this reason Holbee Citee is still a cliff hanger as we only managed half of it.  I did catch the bit where one of the gangly trainee doctor or nursey thingies suddenly introduced himself as a son of thingy. No one fell in love or out of it we think but how can I know as it was cut short.  NOT SO corrie, which Owner clings to like ivy. (clever use of expression there.X) Feelan has wormed himself back in with Eileen as we feared, and Caz is still pretending to be murdered.  Owner has decided she does not like Maria even more than she does not like Caz and we await the moment when Ayden rescues her (Maria) and they run off into the sunset. We want more of the countdown clock to Roy and thingys wedding as it is ace.X
 
Surely there is more news Wonka you all shout at me impatient for gossip and such.  In a nutshell, Owner has felt ugly and (quote) 'my hair has gone floppy and overgrown.' I did say you look exactly the same to me, but from well behind the trolley with the printer on it which may have muffled my words....X
 
Owner is still liking her job and feels more settled in our new and deluxe home.  She has nearly stopped moving rooms round and the plant is still in position the last time I checked. (today).
 
Tomorrow folks is the outing with aged sibling for the first in a round of Christmas meals.  I am going to enjoy it Wonka she told me up, and has selected an outfit.  Who knows folks she may come home full of fun! Every year I wait patiently as is my nature, for the spirit of Christmas to descend.  It could happen from a film (It's a Wonderful Life.x) it could happen from a Christmas card, or lights or just some little whiff of a fir tree or a bright star.....who knows folks but you must keep an eye out for yours - and make a wish when it happens!!X
 
 
 
Ah!! This is an old illustration by Owner when she first caught the idea for #joeschristmas (on smashwords.com folks X) and there it is, the glass paperwight with the little Christmas tree inside and on the top the special star - as it falls out it can be wished on! Folks, do make a wish...........X
 
Keep that nose a sniffing and those eyes a gleaming! Big Love Wonka X
 


Thursday, 1 December 2016

Wonka's ADVENT!

Ahoy there folks it is already DAY TWO of my very best advent:


 
 

 
Blow me down the stairs to the smashing new kitchen if it isn't Kimmy wimmy wibwob!! also one of Owner's dogs now in that sanctuary in the sky with good St Francis and she is also in the story of #Diva - as she so rightly deserves, advising and giving forth words of wisdom.  Now, who does that remind you of folks?!
 
Big Love Wonka X

Wonka's ADVENT

Ahoy there my hearty folks! The countdown starts here!

DAY ONE:

 
 
 
OH it's Owner's darling Diva the star of our best Diva stories on smashwords.com  find out more by reading them!! All free and to be found by woofing out this link................
 
 
 
Enjoy your first day of December folks!! Big Love Wonka X
 


Saturday, 26 November 2016

SPIDDER alert.

Dans this house folks, we call spiders SPIDDERS.  POURQUOI? or even WHY IS THAT you all shout up at me hale and hearty.

Because folks to call it, that thing with all those legs and fast moving, scuttling even, appearing suddenly and without warning and being too frightening to consider, well because calling it a Spidder makes it LESS SCARY.  This is Owner's problem and I have to live with it.  I know.  since our big traumatic move (I did suggest counselling, but she may not have heard me above sobbing into a big hankie about all the things she is missing.x) we have encountered (good use of word) a new kind of Spidder, and I class myself as a bit of an expert. these spidders are quite gangly and swift.  ALSO, they are adept at hanging about way out of my clawing reach.  When Owner was listening to me and not sobbing (I mean we wanted to move we really did, and we love it here so I am blaming Owner's silly lapse on the latest bug she caught from college.X) - yes when she did listen up, I said to her I said:

'The minute that spider comes my way, I'll have him.'
He never has come my way and we are still on the look out.  End of.
 
There we are! keeping a close eye on it.X
 
 
In other less exciting news, Owner has moved the plant (not the wotsit plant that is safe and down stairs.x) several times now and usually late at night just as I am settling down OR doing my nightly rounds. This means checking on Ruggles and Bertie.  Each time I return to the giant nest up above, has she moved it again.
 
I didn't like it there Wonka, she goes to me, IT DOMINATED the room.  soon folks even the plants will need counselling and the only creature free from care or worry is ME.X
 
Now due to Owner rushing over to daughters for grandson's early birfdee celebrations this is a short and sweet diary blog thingy wotsit.  usually I like to traipse through all the political news (all horrid all full of donwald and his merry men, brexit and how nothing is still happening, and how a Mr Heseltine who ended up with a daft nickname of tarzan killed a massive amount of squirrels and says that is alright to do that and we are just a load of disneyfied idiots for thinking squirrels are decent upstanding critters. Owner made me put all that and I'm sorry if you fell asleep.x) and all the telly news.  Suffice to say (OOH) Feelan in Corrie is still telling lies and getting away with it - next thing Eileen will have him back and in Enders Fil is still ill and wotsit is still being bullied at work. X
 
Next week surely must be the week of our dreams and not a horrid let down.  WHAT IS THIS? what is this talk of let downs you all say up.  All I'm saying is that Owner has been let down by the good local library. they won't have her story OUR best Christmas story in the children's bit BUT they offered to sell it and take 15% commission!!!!! Luckily Owner has seen the funny side of this after droning on about how she has supported libraries all her life.....zzzzzzzzzzzzzz OH! yes and she is smiling and calling herself a failure WHO is still prepared to fail!!! Until she succeeds that is.  AND on that positive note folks, sharpen your best claws and go get em!!  Big Love Wonka X

Saturday, 19 November 2016

Cold Snaps!

ONE MINUTE we are roasting and listening to the experts who say and I quote: '2016 will go on record as the driest warmest blah di blahdi year on record.' End of and weather report fact up.  Well it is in this house folks, due to owner disregarding the state of 1. (list) our finances..... 2.  our credit card (we love it.X) 3. the new system whereby Owner has to rush to a shop and purchase more gas.  This folks, is until good British Gas recognises we are used to living beyond our means and can afford to pay munthlee. (thanks to the good overdraft.  OH I said draft.there are some of these in the new home thanks to the windows.X)

The secret is folks to stay warm at all costs because, you cannot be creative if you are cold.  Now I promised you a recipe and here it is.  Forthwith:
 
There we are!! YES, it is the flapjack that Owner left in the good oven slightly longer than it said AND had to go at it with her hands in a sort of wrestling act to break it into pieces. IF, she had paused to take it out of the oven on time AND THEN, divided it up into 8 decent chunks, she would not have risked breaking all her expensive crowns and so on and so forth.  LUCKILY, it all stayed intact.  And folks, as it happens we prefer out flapjack overdone.  Put that in your cookery book and eat it Mr Marcus Wareing!!X
 
Now I have referred to the cheffie on Masterchef, I will say this.  MOST of the time Owner shouts at him and says things like: YOU ARE A BULLY and YOU will make him cry.  It is fair to say that he does look fearsome, often whilst he is praising a trembling chef.  Despite this, Owner got over herself and continued to watch it.  Monica has changed her hair to a sort of wheaten shade. (jury out.X)
 
In other lesser news, Donwald the Trump is forming a new family I mean staff I mean bits of his family mostly with other hangers on. And this folks, is what will then all shuffle into the White House and have talks and that.  God bless Americy I say.  Over here it is all the same, with Tresa Maynot gradually fading into the distance and who can recall Jezzer? Even less, who knows who Owen Smith is?? To think Owner rooted for him and talked him up. I know.  The best thing out there politically is Mr Ed Balls who is dancing himself into everyone's good books.  he has always been our fave along with whoever takes Owner's eye on a week to week basis.  Last week it was Greg.  HE IS A TRIER she told me up.X
 

 
Here we are!! Owner's little tribute to Larry (no 10)and Palmerston (foreign Office) and Gladstone (the treasury) - to celebrate Tresa Maynot and her phonecall with Donwald.  YOU ARE NO 11 INTHE QUEUE!! X
 
I am still very busy coming to terms with moving home and waiting for Owner to stop moving things around.  HOW many times have I stumbled down in the morning ready to supervise to find it has all changed?  I did suggest she leave well alone, but I whispered it from my window seat up in the crow's nest bathroom and she may not have heard me.............X
 
Ruggles is still in love with Camber who was observed popping next door to use their facilities. (a tiny patch of convenient (!) scrapeable earth). he has shown no signs of wanting to actually go outside as yet and mostly is sprawled out in his giant nest, the little study.  Bertie Bubb is hooked on Radio 2 we think which is left on for him up until good Simon Mayo signs off.  I am trying not to look at him but failing.X
 
Finally, the telly round up of the week, and we were bowled over by Corrie which has sprung new family members on us. (the Barlow family are extended.X )and good Ken B is out of hospital with his stroke. and talking out of the side of his mouth.  Owner finds this disturbing as it could happen to her. I said nothing folks, de rien, at this point.AND THEN, nasty Feelan stood over Michael who was playing detective and paid rather a high price for getting found out, yes Feelan stood over him as he lay dying.  THAT WAS A BIT DARK uttered Owner.....X
 
Now the good weekend is here, so really folks I implore you all to enjoy it.  Fur coats ahoy! and treat yourself. I mean it!! see you all soon.  Big Love Wonka X


Thursday, 17 November 2016

Has the world gone mad?

HAS IT WONKA?? well sometimes folks it seems like it.  Now because there has been a large amount of GROS, or MARE (that might be big in Romanian and I will keep you posted on that folks...X) visitors to my humble weekly diary, Owner suggested I pop an extra entry on here.  AND seeing as how she has woken up out of trance to tell me that, HERE IT IS.

Many of you, alright all of you, are unsure who I am, and so without further ado, THIS is it in a nutshell OR one of Owner's best cartoons.
 
 
 
Here we are!! First off I have to check on Bertie Bubb (aka The Bubster X) who has secured the entire world of under the bed.  Then, I have to check on Ruggles (aka Rug, Rugglesis etc X) he has taken over the entire boiler cupboard well the  miniscule floor space to it....then finally, I can pop downstairs for a bite to eat as by then I am starving.  AND, that by my paw is my best mousey.  End of.X
 
I shall make another appearance on Satdee folks with a brand new fresh and lively diary entry.  Owner says some people call it a blog but ME, I can call it whatever I like.X
 
See you soon folks....big Love Wonka X
 
PS and if you are wondering why the world may have gone mad you only need to turn on the news OR read the papers OR listen to the good radio.  For safety and normality Owner is insisting we watch Enders and Shirlee's new hairdo.  And weep over Masewd's leaving.X

Saturday, 12 November 2016

Then it happened.X

WHAT DID Wonka?? you all whisper up having just woken up slash got up slash been up for hours and just about to pop back for a proper sleep...... That strange chap Donwald the Trump conquered Hillary with two ells and is even now POISED to go in the White House. He is the new president elect folks and NO ONE personne OR nowee kahin (and that folks is hindi, YES x) can believe it.

ESPECIALLY US.
 
There we are! we turned on the good radio two and all we herd next was trump trump trump AND WE DON'T mean Nellie the Elephant either.  it is what the world has turned into whilst we were all looking folks - so we had best keep a good proper eye out now.  End of and donwald the trump fact up.X
 
IS THERE ANY OTHER NEWS to speak of Wonka you all ask up nicely noticing that I am a tad annoyed this morning. And yes siree there is!  Owner's soiree passed off without a hitch!  DID THE VINO help you all pester me up..... the vino, the cheesle and biscuits and the crowning glory folks was Owner's flapjack. if you are patient and good I might pop the recipe on here next week.... and If Owner had pulled the tray out of the oven say 5 minutes earlier she wouldn't have had to go at it with hammer to break it up into bite size pieces!! it was blinking gorgeous! X
 
So there we are folks the new home, or Crows Nest as we call it, is well and truly christened.  Ruggles has been making strange mewling noises at the little study window and we think it is about Camber. WHO?  Camber lives at No 1, and looks a bit handy.  She is a beauty champagne colour, and fluffy with it.  She sat atop the wall just over the backway and Ruggles spied her. DID SHE NOTICE Wonka? you all want to know and are wide awake now with this good diary blog thingy wotsit.  Camber did look up once Owner made silly kissing noises at the window.  There may be a cartoon of this who knows.  it is hard enough getting Owner to do anything as she will bleat on about how tricky it was moving (?) and sorting out the new home (?) and doing a job as well.......ME? thanks for asking, and as you know I've had my work cut out as I have three floors to do it all on now and TWO lots of facilities to scrape in (how was I to know one was for Rugglesis? x) and three feeding zones.  it is exhausting folks I can tell you.X
 
Money wise we are leaning hard on our best friend the credit card who is proving to be a warm and generous friend. NO ONE and personne again, is looking at our new tale, A Spooky Tale and we do recommend it.  once more folks it is on good Smashwords.com
 
and here is now to get there..............https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/672383
 
you will love it when you do......................X
 
 
There we are!!  That is Ginger Tom who takes us through the tale and there is the clock with the secret - oh! that lost hour and what happened there ......X and if you want to read more about this story, which is part of a trilogy (ooohhh!) then you must read our New Year's Eve story, also on Smashwords.com, the second installment - and wait! The third and final installment may be uploaded for the end of this year folks.  What a treat.....X
 
Now folks we are deep into the begin of Winter weather and the trickledown to Christmas, so wrap up warm and fluff up your furry coats!  smile at your enemies as nothing confuses them more than being loved instead of the other AND keep a good eye on that donwald chappie. I haven't mentioned Tresa Maynot and I'm not going to.  Big Love Wonka X
 

 
 
 


Saturday, 5 November 2016

Soirees

WHAT IS A SOIREE Wonka? you all whisper up to me, having got through a hard old week and slept in nicely.  This is what Owner is throwing next Fridee folks to, (quote.X):

"Christen the new house Wonka!"

I can only hope yes and pray to the God of Soirees, that it all turns out alright folks.  She has been mumbling on about 'just' a few of this and 'just' a few of that. I mean where am I sposed to hide for it?? And what of Ruggles? I KNOW you will wonder why I am concerned about my old adversary (excellent use of word) BUT since moving here, I am slowly getting used to the idea that FRIENDS can be a good thing.  Even Owner is realising this and moving away from her inbuilt hermit roots. Bertie will know no different as he has a HUGE hideaway anyway and will simply scuttle under it. (my other giant nest aka Owner's pit.X)
 
There we are!! During the week, Owner spied a rainbow and startled the group she was in by going 'OOOHHH' and 'AHHHH' and taking millions of photos of it.  BUT it was a double rainbow and we all know how special they are...............X
 
 
What else can I report up folks?? WE love our NEW home! And Owner has met cartloads of neighbours who are all lovely and normal.  We just may have landed on our paws this time folks and not before time. Aside from the fact that we are even more poverty stricken and CANNOT earn enough to keep me in best biscuits life folks is good.  Just a miniscule reminder that there is a Christmas Book wobbling about out there AND there is the new Spooky tale on smashwords.com. AND, Owner has news that the new story to be published by good #austinmacauley 'Wonka Presents! - An Egyptian Tale' will be published at the end of January 2017 - so a New Year present!! - it is a tale I am extremely proud of AND illustrated by my best Owner X
 
There he is!! Ramondo from the tale and a very ancient visitor......brought to us by no less than Gingertop! Do you remember gingertop who used to visit us all the time and gobble up Rugglesis food? well he has crept into this story so you had better read it to find out more!  Pop that date in you diaries folks End of Jan 2017!! X
 
In the wicked world of politics all is going horribly wrong folks.  The big orange trumpman is hurtling towards the white house and can Hillary with the two ells stop him? NO ONE or PERSONNE can believe it is happening a bit like Brexit. Owner is still in denial about that and it happened months ago now BUT a good high court ruling by some good high court Judges has decided that Tresa MAY not just hurtle on out of the EEYEW without consulting Parliament. a lot of folks are up in arms about this with sayings such as 'the people have voted!' and 'the people said!' IS THIS MOB RULE droned Owner to me in the week? I mean I thought all those mob I mean people wanting to leave the EEYEW wanted to do so because we have our own sovereign rules to abide by.......... THAT'S the trubble with people Wonka, Owner further droned to me, THEY KNOW de rien. End of and political fact up.X
 
In the tv world things are moving on apace.  The Bake off ended and Wednesdees are not the same, in Corrie Roy is getting married and thingy has left thingy.  Where is Saint Todd? there are a few far flung storylines and Owner is a tad restless and as for Enders, there may or may not have been a wedding.  Ben had some therapy and shouted at the therapist but Owner says this is par for the course. yes. Really we must cling to Strictly and Dani and Oti which sounds like a breakfast ceriel and Ore and Jo - we do like Gregg still and who knows he could win it. Stranger things are happening. We have lost the plot with the Hex FActor and Honey G keeps getting voted in.  I know.X
 
Now it is Bonfire night and need I say more.  We have had to contend with horrid whistling noises and nasty bangs I AM NOT in favour. RIP Mr Fawkes and bring on the silent fireworks please. After tonight we are on the countdown to Christmas folks and the decorations will be dusted down and checked over. NO, Owner has not made any decisions about WHERE or WHO to spend it with as yet.  it is a mystery to be solved............... Do go on to have a good week folks, sniff that cold air and wrap up warm!! Big Love WonkaX