Saturday, 31 May 2014

Hot and Cold Satdee

Wonka here.  Owner said is it time to get up before dropping back off and to be fair I joined in.  Well it's been a long week as I have had an extra person to check on (Grandson) and then there was all the fun of the stranger visiting (Strange Owner of Tinkers) so I've had a lot to do.  Bertie has no excuse whatsoever for sleeping all day and then the same all night interspersed (love this word) with eating and the other.  I have had a word with him to the effect that he is not a good advert for us felines.  Who I said, would want to adopt, foster or just go out and rescue a feline when that is all they are doing??  he couldn't hear me though above the confines of my luxury cat tray.  I rest my paws and everything.  I love it.

Fairly warm para.  I'M FED UP WITH THIS WEATHER goes Owner, one time it is sunny and you put a tea shirt on and the next it is freezing.  I have a fur coat on all year round and cannot for the life of me see the problem?  Thankfully she popped out on her visits or rounds as she likes to call them, first up to aged sibling who was struggling to get his head round the bills.  TELL ME ABOUT IT she says, and then aged parent who is struggling with being an aged parent.  This visit passed nicely though as they were planting up some flowers in pots.  Some of the residents knew what they were doing and those that didn't still enjoyed it.  Owner reported aged parent laughing loudly at some witty remark she made.  This is rare and so was worth reporting.  for our photoshoot it is a cartoon of Owner doing a quiz with some of those happy residents.  (Yes, it is like 'Derek' sometimes which is why Owner does not follow it closely.  home from home she goes):

Hurrah it has only gone and done it again.  we love you blog.  so there is Owner at the 'home' with aged parent and some of the others.  That is me in the right hand side corner but I am not really there I am at my home dreaming.  We love it.
Even warmer para.  last night was a wasteland with regard to the tv and Owner was forced to watch Enders.  We all rallied round and kept making small and witty remarks to stop her from rushing at the remote and thankfully it was over quite quickly.  The downside is that Carol's scarf seemed to take over and even take itself off Carol's head!  That happened and she has ditched David her feeonce.  What an idiot goes Owner who would marry him in minutes (she says that now).  If she says I cannot cope one more time goes Owner............Luckily it ended around there and then that is right there was nothing on.  tonight we are back on groundhog day with the talent show and all four judges are talking it up.  this can only mean a fair to middling night reckons Owner.  We can switch from this vaguely entertaining show (reports Owner) to Casualtee where all is going on with doctors and nurses and Charlee nursey who advises and guides all, even taking his own advice we think.  We love him.  Now do enjoy your evenings good folks and stay cosy and warm!  Go steady wherever you are in the Wold.  Big Love Wonka x

Friday, 30 May 2014

It's a Sunny Day Fridee!

Wonka here.  Yipee says Owner because that is the sun out.  MEANING I said opening one eye...we can go down the front she goes.  At last, I can get some well deserved shut eye whilst they are out.  Fairly peaceful night with not much happening.  Bertie moved from one lair to another and I kept a look out.  Tinkers stayed out back all evening hopeful for some food and Owner finally caved in and gave her a bowlful of IAMS.  Surely that will aid her digestive system she said.  WE CAN HOPE I ventured.....  We love it.

Still sunny para.  On the same subject and just for your interest good folks out there thinking oh I want to know more about Tinkers, well Owner has now fed her again with good IAMS.  in fact she studied the packet for so long going on about (quote) it says here this and it says here that (about digestion) I thought she was going to shake some in a bowl for herself.  with or without milk.  Only joking!!  Instead she pops it in the shed and Tinkers whisks off to cram it all down.  how this aids digestion I am not sure.  I take my time as you know to eat, often having only one or two mouthfuls before having  a break.  Bertie?  wolfs it down in seconds.  Mr Beau aka that other name, seems to need help to know it is food on his plate (the red plate) before getting down to it.  Today's good cartoon is all about Mr Beau being pronounced another cat by a stranger who says he was her cat once upon a time.  Well he is a fully paid up hobo now! we love him.

A miracle has just happened!! we have successfully uploaded our good cartoon for this blog without any messing.  WE LOVE YOU BLOG AND WILL NEVER MOAN AGAIN.  This means you can all see the cartoon without a magnifying glass!!    there is Mr Beau by the sideboard being pointed at by the stranger and Owner is smiling next to her.  (why she is smiling when Mr Beau is being given another name I do not know) At the window peering in and full of mischief is the culprit Tinkers who started it all.   There am I centre stage bottom observing as per, and to the right down below is Bertie just peeking out of his lair.  Luckily as said, he does not want to be solved.  We love it
Fresh excitable para.  We are still overwhelmed by the actions of this blog and even if it never happens again it was lovely.  thankyou and thankyou again good blog!  What else has gone on?  Owner spent an hour on the phone with a helpline that did not in the end help.  it was to make our internet connection faster and better.  Result you all say those of you still awake??  SAME AS BEFORE but Owner in danger of having a headache connection. it was all blamed on (list) 1.  the good laptop 2.  their equipment ie the router and last 3.  where we are living.  IT CAN'T BE HELPED Wonka, she said in between doing all the other little jobs she does.  I am wondering if it has by accident sorted out this blog??  in which case it would be (that word) fortuitous.  I love it.
Last thankful sunny para.  Today it went warm and sunny and Owner did go down South bay with Grandson and eat icecreams and such like.  Owner reports it was very busy and very hot.  I could have said the same really.  It was hot on the sideboard top in the sun there, I was busy checking on any movement out back and Bertie of course poked his head out like a tortoise now and then.  Tonight we must try and find something on the good tv because of the football.  I'm sure someone will want to watch this game but me and Owner and Grandson who is welded to my giant nest, will try a film.  What film you all say with interest?  it is about some samurai creatures.  with Keanu Reeves.  I pray, for Owner's sake it is action packed.  I HAVE NEVER LIKED Keanu wotsit she goes.  RIGHT I said back.  Last night just as we were giving up on any talent being on any show someone rather interesting called Lettice appeared playing a violin.  Owner took to her straight away and she is our new fave.  In Corrie, all is lost for Owen and Anna, they are not talking now and Carling black eyebrows is suspected of  tapping Teenah about the head.  We know different!!  Now it is time to check on Ruggles who is a teddy bear even when hissing and growling which is rather a lot.  It is now the weekend folks out there, so do go steady wherever you are in the Wold.  Big Love Wonka x

Thursday, 29 May 2014

Mystery solved Thursdee

Wonka here.  Yes before you even ask, Owner has had more dreams with a lot of (quote) intricate detail.  In one bit she goes, YES I said pretending to listen as to be honest good folks out there I was just dropping back off to sleep, lulled into it by Owner's voice gently droning by my ear zzzzzzYES!! Well she said, I was climbing this tiny staircase to the top and it was really hard to get to the top because there are always obstacles like the staircase disappears or it shrinks or you cannot hold onto anything...zzzzzzzzzzzzYES, but I did it Wonka!  I got to the top!  this can only be another sign of good fortune ... zzzz WONKA!  Oh yes!  So instead of Owner dropping back off it was me.  I love it.

Good fortune and problems free para.  Well alright we wish all our problems were solved then but listen up as those pesky Americans say (Owner says to be truly PC I ought to say those pesky US of A people....ooops I nearly dropped off again) yes listen up because a mystery has been solved and it is Tinkers, and Mr Beaujangles.  How so you all enquire wide awake and sitting up now.  Due to Tinkers.  One minute there was nothing overmuch happening this morn and next thing Owner looks up and Tinkers is looking through the window at her.  GOODNESS goes Owner, and WHERE IS YOUR WORN OUT COLLAR??  needless to say Tinkers did not reply but when Owner flung open the poor back door cowered near to the gate.  You can be a bit frightening Owner I said from behind the dining room door but she did not hear me above talking to Tinkers.  next thing she has enticed Tinkers into the shed and chopped off the old collar.  I had to, she said to me when I demanded an explanation (!) it was hooked round her leg.  The next thing good folks all wondering where this story is going, is that there was a little tag on the collar with a phone number on it.  Owner rings it, and a stranger answers.  It is the real Owner of Tinkers.  I love it.

Mystery is solved para:  The real Owner of Tinkers turns up and finds out that her cat called TIA has been trotting round every day, rushing across a busy street stroke motorway and narrowly missing being despatched to the next room or sanctuary.  DO NOT FEED HER she said to Owner.  it is tricky said Owner, when she pops into the luxury shed.......  and then, Mr Beau trots into view.  Listen to this one folks as it turns out he was called Jasper and lives further up the street!!  I cannot call you that said Owner to Mr Beau and I am in full agreement.  Mr Beau just lay down in his new pitch at the back of my giant nest stroke settee and we took that as a vote in favour of his new name.  So two cats are traced back to an owner.  Just ruggles then, oh and Bertie bubbles.  He is showing no signs of being solved.  I love it.

Fresh para for cartoon of Tinkers: I have flown it up top and it so small you will nevermake it out so I said to Owner to put it on google+ - I am on the sideboard looking out the window onto the good back yard and Tinkers is on the outside sill looking in.  Bless Tinkers.

Last mystery solved para.  If that wasn't tiring enough having to deal with strange owners across the street and cats with new names, Owner goes off for a nice visit to aged sibling and runs head on into a meeting.  GOOD OR BAD I asked when she fell back in laden with shopping and Grandsons.  NOT GOOD she says back, and what's for tea I asked nicely because we are all starving.  Well that will take her mind off the meetings I thought, and blow me down by the time she had seen to me then Bertie and Mr Beau and Grandson she had forgotten all about it!!  Now tonight as long as Owner can keep going, there is a groundhog day of entertainment.  First up is the talent show that was seriously lagging behind in the talent stakes last night.  There was a singer who warbled her way to the top of the scale though.  and a strange puppet thing.  After that there is good corrie and Teenah is well and truly out of it and on a life thingy.  Rob is busy with his story and Carling black eyebrows has been arrested on the spot.  Owen and Anna you all say?  Ruined and in ruins.  This said Owner, is a very sad storyline and only that bullyboy builder is to blame.  RIGHT I goes back.  We love it.  Now do go steady out there in the Wold wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x

Wednesday, 28 May 2014

Did it rain Wednesdee

Wonka here.  the main thing to report dear folks out there in your dry and sunny spots all over the Wold is that right here and all day long and still is RAININ.  what a mouldy old day goes Owner who seemed to pass through the day like the speed of light, on this mission and that mission.  Blink or zzzzzzzzzzzzzz and you will miss her.  Now you will be on the edge of your seat about Owner's dream.  Yes it was good and NO I cannot tell you any details as she said it is secret.  Just one tiny detail then, there was a birthday cake and candles.  This can only be fortuitous (BLIMEY! Owner helped me with that one) said Owner smiling.  I love it.

Fresh drizzle mizzle para.  it is never going to stop, well at least til tomorrow according to all good weather forecasts.  Now what happened this morning was Owner had to text in to good Radio 2 to tell them off.  PLEASE STOP TALKING ABOUT INJURIES.  for some reason they wanted listeners to get in touch about their horrid hurtful injuries.  of course it was OFF with the radio and ON with our latest CD.  What is it you all chirp up.  It is good and gone Michael Jackson and we do happen to love his offering from this side of the next room.  Our fave is Babeh Love's never been so gooood.... we love it.

Still at it everyone is soggy and wet para.  so today Off out she goes with Grandson and at last I had the giant nest to myself and it was blissful.. Mr Beau had popped in, chomped, sat in his box (yes!) for 5 mins before making  a racket to go out.  In the rain.  he might have dementia observed (!) Owner.  I forget what happened next........oh yes!  me and Bertie enjoyed a few hours of much needed shut eye.  all that eating, hiding from monsters (Bertie) and checking out of windows it quite wore us out.  Now for the good photoshoot, there is a cartoon of me and Mr Beau Beau:

What is that you all say?? Hold on and I will figure it out for you.  to the left is me sitting up and washing my nether regions so that is my tail poking out and  my paw is holding me down to the giant nest aka settee.  Tucked down on the luxury carpet to the right is Mr Beau.  his head is pointing up to us and he is nestling right up to a red hot radiator!that brown thing isn't really brown it is a knitted patchwork blanket for Owner's beloved old dog Diva and it has her name on it.  We have a story about Diva saved up for you all once Owner gets her brain in gear. sorry owner! Joking!!

Final umberella para.  Last night was thrilling beyond thrilling due to Happy Valley.  Owner was as tense as you like on the edge of my nest.  it is the last one next week and we cannot wait.  There were two more murders and the killer good folks out there, like in all the best dramas IS STILL OUT THERE.  and Corrie?  Owner did get annoyed with good as gold Owen who try as he might cannot get his partner Anna to say what is bugging her.  this storyline is getting on Owner's nerves and I am thinking of writing in.  JUST TELL HIM Owner is shouting at the good tv.  I did say they cannot hear you but she wasn't listening to me and anyway I whispered it from the depths of my amazon box.  I love it.   Teenah finally fell to her death and all seemed to watch it happen.  and finally, cheatin peetah has told Carling black eyebrows that he has been a rotter.  so who dunnit?? it looked like Carla's bruverlybruv to Owner.  We shall see.  Tonight there is more of the talent show and we were rather disappointed last night.  our fave, did not deliver.  Even nice David Walliams said so.  And then more Corrie if we can stand it and we can stand it.  Now do go steady out there in the Wold wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x

Tuesday, 27 May 2014

Sorted out Tuesdee

Wonka here.  Owner reports that she woke in the night and thought me and Bertie were cuddled up together.  YOU WERE DREAMING I said back.  Actually good folks out there I did creep on the bed and Bertie was sound asleep and forgot to growl at me.  All good things come to those who wait and patience as you know is my middle name.  I love it.  Now also to report that as soon as she woke up Owner said had funny dreams and felt tired.  OH I goes back, because that always happens when you have a bank holidee.

Fresh and sorted para.  Goodness knows why Owner is tired as all she has to do is feed us really with a bit of shopping here and there and a small amount of cleaning round.  Me?  Thanks for asking, well there is the checking thing where I have to check on Bertie, spy out front and back for Ruggles and Tinkers and jump upon things.  No wonder I have to rest up so much is there?  Now naughty Mr Beau turns up first thing and stays in and the next thing we look round and he is in my box!!  Owner says THAT IS THE WRONG BOX Mr Beau!  and she soon found another box and popped him in it.  I did say does Mr Beau need that nice old tea towel in the bottom of it because I haven't got one but she didn't hear me for going into the Narnia cupboard for more newspaper.  so for our good cartoon there is me and Mr Beau.  He is in MY BOX and I am watching him being in my box.  Oh and that is just a few of my toys strewn (like that word) around.  Mousey is over to the left and there is a small dog over to the right.  I love it.

Fresh sorted para.  what else you ask is sorted out then?  Owner has been on the phone (oh no) and been resolving an issue (oh no) to do with aged parent (double dip oh no).  BUT, I was listening and all was calm and collected.  NO she is not on tablets to the best of.  Phone you all ask, I thought it was up the swanee river.....It is all fixed because Owner realised it was not a fault on the line (it was reported of course it was. ) it was the 25 year old phone.  YOU WILL HAVE TO LET IT GO I ventured.  Owner has a problem with this but low and behold she rolled back in with a new fangled phone.   With a ring that just rings properly.  I DO MISS THE OLD ONE she said.  AH I went back.  yes, so aged parent is happy, Owner is happy and so am I.  I love it.

Final tired out para.  Now last night was a jamboree of Britain has more than a little talent which is on all week.  Possibly this is why Owner is tired.  That and the holidee.  So more of the same tonight if we can stand the excitement of magicians and comics, singers on boxes and dancers.  BUT Happy Valley is on and this means an hour of edge of your seat nerves jangling drama.  on the good TV for a change and not in the home itself.  Only joking Owner!!  And not to forget Corrie!  last night even Rita came out from behind the counter in the Kabin to have a word with Teenah, and had to slap her into the bargain.  Ouch said Owner.  We think tonight Teenah gets despatched.  ONE WAY TICKET goes Owner.  We love it.  And born again Christian Owen still cannot fathom Anna.  she is beginning to resemble Staycee with her looks and faces.  Please say something Anna we beg you.  Now if all of that isn't going to wear us out nothing can.  Grandson?  still on my giant nest thankyou for asking.  and the fridge is a wasteland.  We love it.  Now do go steady out there in the Wold wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x

Monday, 26 May 2014

Bank Holidee Mundee

Wonka here.  We have started off on the right paw this morn, first up due to the good weather.  The sun is out!  The blue sky is out! People have got t shirts on and stopped shivering.  alright Owner still has a jumper on but that is standard.  IT'S A SUMMER ONE she says.  Also second up, Owner has been and had hair done.  This always means straight onto FEELGOOD setting.  What else you all say?  Bertie has been out and come back in the space of about 5 minutes.  We thought for a moment he had realised this wasn't his real home and it was time to go back, but no.  Possibly this is it.  Mr Beau he's called in and had a chomp.  You are such a hobo Owner said to him feeling his bony frame.  so really it is all to play for this good sunny day.  I love it.

Fresh holidee para.  Not everyone has a day off today Wonka, goes Owner to me.  I was only half listening as I had found a good sunny spot to lay in and was having a wash round.  I love it on days like this, I have plenty of rest usually in those sunny spots then I move to a cooler one on any of the giant nests round the house. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz OH, Owner has returned and is doing things so I may have to move.  Bertie has gone off out again and is still not back after half an hour so Owner will worry.  My life.  We love it.

subject of Bertie para.  here is a good cartoon of Bertie which Owner says can always use as a MISSINGCAT poster.  I have said there will be no need as he knows which side his catfood is on.  Our side.   There he is looking very growly.  I said to Owner to blow him up a bit so you can see him even though it is blurry.  Today we sniffed noses without murdering each other.  I love him.

Last bank holidee para.  So Owner did pop out for more supplies and I can assure you there is enough out there to form a sanctuary and still some over.  Now tonight we must watch Britain has got talent as it is the semi finals and they last all week.  We shall be exhausted at the end of it as we must try and watch Corrie too.  The storyline of tempting Teenah is about to erupt says Owner into the kind of WHODUNNIT we love.  I shall keep you all posted about our faves in the talent show and as it stands Owner loves the man in the pink suit who is a comedian.  I might like him too.  There are lots of dancers and Owner thinks this is VERY LAST YEAR and boring.  Her hair you all want to know, is still in exactly the same position as when it was done despite there being a strong sea breeze.  This is down to the PRODUCT she says.  Blimey I went back, and am glad my fur does not need this kind of treatment as I am very natural.  Not that Owner isn't and I wouldn't say that to her ever even from deep in the wardrobe.  I love her.  Now Grandson is still glued to my giant nest aka the settee and may request food any minute.  This is something we have in common, our love of resting and eating.  Now good Ruggles may be out there waiting for his tea time plus Bertie.  Tinkers has been and stayed quite close to Owner out in the good back yard. Owner reports that Tinkers has a permanent startled expression.  (I managed not to make the obvious joke good folks as I have not had my tea time as yet).  Now do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it, and have a wonderful week ahead.  Big Love Wonka x

Sunday, 25 May 2014

And again Sundee

Wonka here.  Yes the heating is full on and yes we are headed for financial ruin.  all good folks out there down to the rotten freezing weather.  Me and Bertie?  snug as you like.  I was at the top of the stairs actually tell a lie I was in the gateway to Owner's bedroom, waiting there with a giant bushy tail as I thought Bertie was going to make a run for it.  STOPIT goes Owner.  it turns out Bertie's lair in the Narnia cupboard had a baskety thing on it ( a gift to Owner that she has never to my knowledge used.  I Have said.) so he couldn't lay in it!!  not my fault Owner I said.  POOR BERTIE she goes and it is fine because he is snug as a bug in the Narnia wardrobe.  Me?  just resting up on Owner's bed aka one of my nests.  I love it.

Cold and dank para.  I am not making it up, Owner just trooped out on one of her many journeys to the luxury shed or bin and came back in saying how horrible it is.  I did say do you mind shutting the poor back door quietly next time as that gave me a start but she didn't near me above doing the washing up.  Only a few dishes and plates from me and the others!! nothing to write home about.  I MIGHT GO SWIMMING she said a bit later on.  Which was nice really as it means more peace and quiet for me and Bertie!  Grandson you all enquire?  It is a known fact that they don't get up before lunch time unless starvation sets in.  I love it.

*******************BOOKSLOT OF THE WEEK*******************

And it is a tiny book - The Tiny Book of HUGS!! it tells all about hugging and how it is such a good and caring thing to do.  Well we know that!  I love a good hug from Owner especially over the shoulder! it even has a section on this:
  That is very faint but you can see those two bears touching paws and it is a ZEN HUG!!  the only thing to remember about hugging goes Owner is that it is people being kind and loving.  There is no such thing as a selfish hug.  We love it!

Fresh and huggy para.  I USED TO HAVE A HUGGY BEAR goes Owner, and it turns out this was for daughter who loved it.  Where is HUGGY now I wondered?  I hope he is hugging a little girl or boy somewhere goes Owner, and so do I.  I cannot bring myself as yet to hug Bertie but Owner said that is fine as he is busy hugging blankets. We love him.

Final zen huggy para.  Tonight there is a bit more on than last night which Owner says was a wash out.  Even beloved Dale Winton in inittowinit, said funny night.  this just means all the contestants were ill informed and had no general knowledge and got most of the questions wrong.  A FOOL COULD HAVE ANSWERED that shouted Owner at the telly.  Yes, there is a joke there.  Now we shall watch Britain's got some talent resurrected on tonight after the footy last night.  Then there is the soap awards which should make Owner's heart beat faster especially if Enders gets some.  yes for going over the top says Owner.  Well it is drama I said from well behind the kitchen door.  Now I'm pleased to report that Grandson did awaken, Owner did get off out of it and go swimming and they have watched a nice film with tons of fighting and killing in it.  Called REDS2 with nice Bruce Willis and John Malko thingy.  We loved it.  Now do go steady out there in the Wold wherever you are in it and I'm very sorry for you if it is work tomorrow because we are having a bank holidee Mundee. Big Love Wonka

Saturday, 24 May 2014

Soggy Satdee

Wonka here.  Cold start then rain and it held off until after Owner had pegged up all the washing.  yes.  I'LL HAVE TO BRING IT IN AND SPIN IT she goes, yes I thought and dry it all on the red hot radiators.  why is the heating on you all ask out there in your possibly warmer countries?  the minute it goes a tad chilly does Owner worry.  And we cannot have that.  LIFE IS HARD enough goes Owner in fact this is her motto, WITHOUT BEING COLD.  End of.  I love it.

Soggy new para.  So it rained fairly hard and then eased off to that relentless drizzle.  and that is because it is a bank holiday weekend here folks and everyone wants to enjoy an extra day tacked onto the weekend.  Instead we are huddled up to the telly.  As per.  Now Owner has some company today and maybe for a bit longer and it is Grandson.  Due to this Bertie has hidden away first upstairs crushed behind a wooden trolley in  the dark corner, then he came down to use the facilities and crammed back into the Narnia cupboard under the stairs.  We have reassured him that Grandson is not a monster but so far he (or she??) does not believe it.  Due to this visit the fridge is packed with food and snacks.  These are important to Grandson and must not run out.  Owner hasn't much time to eat due to (list) 1.  feeding us lot 2.  Feeding grandson 3.  Visiting aged parent 4. lots of other jobs that need doing.  Now today's photoshoot as promised is a look at our new toys.  Me and Bertie's:
 there we are!! First up is the lion next to giraffe to give you an idea of size and it is weensy I tell you, next up is an ariel shot of elephant.  And we are still not bothering with either of them.  I love it.

Final soggy para.  Owner has just checked out tonight's tv and to her horror, Britain might have a little bit of talent is not on.  Instead there is......some football match thing.  thank goodness Wonka she says, I got me and grandson a couple of films to watch.  I pray they are decent films and one of them has thingy reeves in it about some Samurai soldiers (I KNOW) and the other one is REDS2 with good Bruce Willis who we do love in most films.  Luckily Casualtee is still on so we can rest easy in Charley nursey's good wisdom and healing talk.  Last night we were WRONG.  how so you all gasp up?  Because someone decided not to put Enders on.  That is not necessarily a bad thing said Owner.  And over on Corrie, lying and cheating Petah has finally been rumbled by Carling black eyebrow's bruv, Rob.  How come said Owner,  I am the only one who sees through Petah.  That is because LOVE IS BLIND I said back.  Time to check on Bertie and his doings and whether Mr Beau is perched on the sill and Ruggles on the doorstep.Now do enjoy your evenings out there in the Wold good folks, wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x

Friday, 23 May 2014

Hurrah it is Fridee Fridee

Wonka here.  When Owner needs to wake up early does she wake up early and I mean well before the alarm.  WHAT IS THE TIME she goes at 5 am.  The mobile had been making that strange noise that means it needs reharging OR buy a new mobile phone.  Guess which one Owner is doing?  YES you got it right, she is hanging on to the old phone.  Has the other one stopped that silly endless ringing you all pipe up and ask.  If it hadn't good folks out there we would all be in the car heading for a desert island with no phones no people and no nonsense.  We love it.

Fresh and grateful para.  Why are we grateful you ask?  We got to the end of a tense and fitful week with Owner popping here and there, feeding this one and that one, meeting with just about everyone in the locality and growing more stressed by the minute.  We are not talking about the voting as Owner says it is too (new word) contentious (OOOH) BUT, I promised you some info on holidays and here it is.  Owner has gone and made a decision.  it has taken well over a month and all her friends were saying to each other will she never let us know what day she is arriving and how?  But it is all done and dusted.  This is what Owner does.  She goes over all the options a million times.  Goes over them again.  Checks this bit and that bit.  Sleeps on it all for roughly a month.  Wakes up one morning and buys tickets and emails friends.  We love it.  She is not driving so all on the M42 are safe and M5 too, oh and the A1 and M1,  infact August will now be very safe for all drivers on all roads.  Only joking Owner!  now next up is a little cartoon of Owner on the radio!!

There is the good radio cassette with some toys on it like there would be, we have toys everywhere, and me to the right and Bertie down there on the left thinking why is Owner speaking to us from the Radio?  don't we get enough of her when she is here!!!!  Joking Owner!!!  We love it and she was famous for all of 2 mins.

Fresh hurrah for Fridee para: I did promise a little spot of news on the psychic front.  OOOH you all say.  Keep your hair on I go back as it is only good Russell Grant's psychic line which put an offer out that Owner could not refuse.  99p for 5 mins of predictions.  I mean to say, bound to be a step up from Owner's poor predictions (between me and you, dare not say this too loudly to Owner).  so she does ring up and speak to a good psychic lady who said you had better ask a question as we only have 5 mins.  OH says Owner who did not have a question ready.  blimey I goes, did you ask whether our dwindling fortunes will improve?  NO she said.  did you ask if I am to have at last a companion what loves me?  NO she goes.  did you ask anything sensible like to do with your job or your beloved short stories?  NO.  What I said patiently (like it) did you ask.  I said will I meet the love of my life goes Owner.  good folks out there, do you join with me in thinking that only a positive answer could come forth?  and will you be surprised good folks to learn that yes indeed Owner is to meet up with someone lovely in the near future.  of course not!!  I have warned Owner that no one is trotting through that good front door that I don't approve of.  or the poor back door for that matter.  but it did make Owner smile which was worth every bit of 99p.  So we love Russell.

What else final para.  now last night with all that happening Owner was worn out and we missed everything we should have watched.  yes including Enders but Owner says we can easily catch up and I happen to agree.  it is on tonight with good Corrie which we think is just about ready to spill the beans about tempting fantasyland Teenah and off his head and rails etc Petah.  Carling black eyebrows is going to go funny.  Over in the other fantasy land of Maria, will Tryrone rediscover his kindly self and let her off the hook?  or will Fizz bamboozle him with her hard faced tack.  We cannot wait.  Owner says got through the day somehow criss crossing from one school to another and exchanging one set of large people for some smaller ones.  We have a week off to restore she says...Me? thanks for asking, bearing up you know with all the others.  Bertie is still growling and eating non stop and the rest, Mr Beau is looking more and more skeletal (get me) and Ruggles is just ruggles.  Tinkers is still fleeing across the busy street stroke motorway and making Owner's nerves shred.  Tomorrow if I remember (I have a lot to do) you can see my new toy and Bertie's new toy.  neither of us have bothered so far.  We love it.  Now do go steady out there in the Wold wherever you are in it as it is the weekend and some of us have a bank holiday too.  Big Love Wonka

Thursday, 22 May 2014

Tense Thursdee

Wonka here.  Howdy folks out there and first up it has gone cooler.  Has Owner put the heating back on (I nearly said that is your burning question but I stopped myself) and guess what?  YES you got it right.  She struggled briefly with timers and thermostats and taps but I pride myself on advice as you know and I said OWNER DO YOU KNOW WHAT BUTTON TO PRESS and she did.  so thankfully despite a teensy weensy drop in the temperature we are toasty warm!!  Now I didn't tell you but I have started a new game in the morning all in aid of getting Owner up and making sure she is awake and not dropping back off!  it is bite Owner on the arm game.  Only gently mind.  yes it works a treat.  I love it.

Fresh and fairly tense para.  Why is it tense you say.  if you lived with Owner this is a question you simply would not need to ask.  Her dentist once said to her (that is the good dentist who turned out to be not so good hence the search for a new one, no we have not found one yet) he said, don't hold your breath.  What a nerve goes Owner to me later on when she telling me and I didn't like to say that I agreed with him incase I didn't get any tea time.  However, yes it has been tense due to voting, and due to meetings with aged sibling and associated meeters (like the long word and my invented word).  How did it all go I said when she trooped back in just right for our tea time.  ALRIGHT BUT I'VE HAD ENOUGH she goes.  Well could me and Bertie have our food first I said because we are starving.  And there is good Ruggles too I whispered from behind the good row of boxes of cat food.  This morning there was a BIG feeding frenzy with quite a bit of hissing and growling and I must say I coped really well.  Cartoon? photoshoot you all say?  There is a choice today because owner only went and phoned into good Radio 2 and spoke up on the Jeremy Vine lunch time show! GASP you all say....yes it was about people being flung out of hospital in the middle of the night or evening without a by your leave.  Old and vulnerable people says Owner, so I rang in (quote) about aged parent.  BLIMEY I said back, trying to imagine Owner sitting in the carpark of the supermarket she does not like making this call.  I couldn't imagine it but I did think it strange earlier on and I did say to Bertie is that Owner's voice on the radio when I was trying to get some zzzzzzzzzzzz.  But that is tmro's good cartoon.  Today it is all about VOTING:  there is Owner marching to vote at the local church.  I am having a happy dream to the right and Bertie is doing something to the left.  I love it.

Final tense para.  What else you say in this tense action packed day?  The phone has gone funny.  It is just one long ring and Owner says will now need a new phone.  it might just be one of those cold call things I said.  I DON'T CARE she goes to me.  now tonight we are back on with Enders, and more about whodunit mixed in with Shirlee and her irritating son who we cannot to save our life recall his name.then Holby City which will make us think it is Tuesdee and then a new thing.  it is a drama with a good write up.  I'LL GIVE IT 5 MINUTES she goes.  Are you sure you want to leave the phone off the hook I casually mentioned but she couldn't hear me about putting the kettle on for a soothing cuppa.  I cannot stand that silly ringing noise she shouted at me and I can only agree good folks.  it is tense enough in this house without that.  Two things I must tell you about tmro:  holidays in August and Owner's love life according to good Russell Grant.  Plus. I have a new toy.  Now it is time to get on and check things including whether Owner is less tense yet......Do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka

Wednesday, 21 May 2014

Make it happen Wednesdee

Wonka here.  yet another beauty day good folks, warm and sunny, blue sky and the swallows are wheeling about up there, yes just that little bit out of my reach I'm can dream. Now somehow we fell asleep last night but goodness me after the helping of Happy Valley with bafta winning Sarah Lancashire, we don't know how!!!  Frightening??? it just got reinvented!!  Owner was rigid on my giant nest aka the settee for a good 45 minutes and I can tell you this is unheard of!  GET OUT she kept shouting at the telly and OOOOH and AHHHHH.  She said she was worn out at the end of it and her tummy in a knot.  IT ISN'T REAL I ventured....but Owner said it was so good it felt like it was.  OH I said back.  so after that it was lights on and cuppa tea time.  But yes we did all slumber on and two minutes later it was time to get up.  I love it.

Happening para.  What is this you say with just a tad of interest.  Owner went against all my good advice and took a peek at good Russell Grant's video, yes video horoscope for today.  So not only can she hear bad news she can see Russell deliver it!  I ask you!  it was alright though because he says Gemini is in our sign (Virgo) for a whole month and it is good news career wise.  'MAKE IT HAPPEN' he said looking serious.  But Owner, I said from well behind the kitchen door, you haven't got a career.  THEN I'LL HAVE TO FIND ONE she goes.  How she will fit in a career and look after me and the others I do not know and I am already thinking of contacting Russell directly to tell him what video to run for tomorrow and that's SETTLE FOR WHAT YOU GOT!!  I love it.

Fresh make it happen some other time para.  Now on the subject of all of us I thought is was high time you good folks out there whiling away a few minutes reading this, to reacquaint (OOER) yourselves with who we all are.  Some of you have kept up but SOME OF YOU ARE NEW.  here follows your update:   Can you see some of this good cartoon by Owner??  At the front there is me Wonka, and from left to right we have Bertie Growler, then Ruggles, then Mr Beaujangles, then tinkers short for Tinkerbelle.  Who has been in today you say?  Just tinkers to luxury shed so far in.  Owner says she will post this cartoon to google plus so everyone can see it.  RIGHTO I goes.  I love it.

Final make it happen if you must para.  After the excitement of Happy Valley (not!) which left us on a knife edge until next Tuesdee, and Enders which left us wanting to murder just a few of the cast namely Saint Jane who turns up for Lucee's funeral, Phil who does not suit the role of Ian's friend, Shirlee who is just getting on our nerves full stop and Carol'e scarf.  That really does want a good murder well tonight will be a little less knife edge and more pot coming to the boil kind of thing.  Luckily I noticed that Corrie is on at 7 and not 7 30 which will avoid Owner having a nervous breakdown (it doesn't take much).  Having perused (like it like it) the guide I note we can then go straight to the Great British Menu and onto Supervet!!  Oh yes, Owner fitted in a little visit to aged parent and updated her on the news.  Top news story she goes to her Mum, oh yes says Mum what is it?  Prince Charles has caused a stir over in Canada for all the wrong reasons, (chip off the old block says Owner)  they still haven't found that plane and a tennis player who was engaged to another sporty type well it is all called off.  To my mind this is the most interesting bit of news and were I to advise the good tennis player I would say there are plenty more sporty types in the Wold who will not let you down at the last minute.  Keep calm and carry on tennising!  Owner says aged parent got quite animated over all these news items and remained upbeat.  Well done I said when she skipped back in with plenty more supplies for us.  Now tomorrow is voting day for us good folks here and far be it for me to raise politics as Owner says it cause arguments and fuss.  I did say I thought you were voting green from half way up the stairs but she didn't hear me above recycling the bottles.  ~we love it.  Now do go steady out there in the Wold wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x

Tuesday, 20 May 2014

Get through it Tuesdee

Wonka here.  Owner has fallen out with Bertie as he growled non stop at me last night.  Me?  not bothered not at all. No it was Owner who went funny and saying things like Wonka is top cat here you know Bertie!!  and Bertie?  also not bothered, just went and nestled down at the top of the bed still growling.  I played pounce on Owner's foot nicely this morning just to make sure she didn't doze back off.  DID I SET THE ALARM she goes but really thanks to me there was no need!  I got us up well before it went off!!  Just the four of us for breakfast and I must say we all lined up like the good felines we are.  Me first then Bertie then Ruggles then Mr Beau.  tinkers?  out there somewhere.  We love it.

Fresh and look at me para: there I am helping out as per with the washing!  I love it.....

Fresh and update on Owner's search for clothes para:  the search for something nice has now extended to looking at what she already has.  yes.  I did say from under the bed folks hows about you just wear some of the beauty clothes hanging in the wardrobe Owner?  For a moment I thought she might have disappeared off to Narnia folks as no reply at all came back!  Then she did say I WONDER IF I SHOULD STOP SEARCHNG FOR NEW STUFF and just wear what's here?  I rest my paws etc.  I love it.

Just about with it para.  Now what is that get through it you all say?  Owner tottered off out after doing what I can only call a bit of light housework in between the feeding frenzy, the litter tray needed refreshing, the luxury shed needed replenishing (get me!) and so on and before you know it time to trot off to the job that isn't quite doing it!  of course I did my bit as you can see from the good photo, helping collect the washing and staying off the bed whilst it was being made.  Oh and checking on growler every two minutes.  zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz and then she totters back in with not three but four geraniums.  I said have you gone mad on those plants Owner and she says YES AND THESE...which was a jasmine and something beginning with D.  Owner thought they were pinks but even with my limited plant know how I could have said NO NOT PINKS.  Possibly Sweet William she goes but who cares they are nice smelly plants some out front for me to look out on and same out back.  She had done the double whammy visiting and just about got through it.  How did you manage with all the fresh problems I goes from well behind the kitchen door.  I laughed instead of crying she goes and also I did not rate most of it as a problem.  What was it then I goes, ever hopeful for some teatime?  Irritating people with nothing else to do she said back.  And then she looks out back and there is Ruggles and Tinkers waiting!  So it was all hands on deck for Owner and a little like groundhog day except Mr Beau beau wasn't there.  yet.  We love it.

Final got through it somehow para.  Last night we got through the usual soap sandwich and  must say Mariah or Maria or the wind or someone, got into a right tangle over Tyrone who is not that much of a catch says Owner.  he is now safely back with Fizz and Owner rather rudely I thought called them a boring couple.  Whereas Carling black eyebrows and newly turned detective bruv Rob are building up to a storm of a storyline.  Teenah's secret passion for not giving a fig returned alcoholic Pete is teetering on the edge of fantasy.  Enders is safely there all the time, and now Max's secret is out the heat is off that mad chappie who Lauren dallied with.  or is it?  Could Dot have found time in between being hoodwinked by her pretend family to polish off Lucee?  And where is the chimney sweep son of Shazzer.  There is an hour long episode tonight and I have warned Owner accordingly (like it).  Instead of Holby city and the wretched lives of the young doctors who have to get drunk to bear with it, there is that hellish hour with Enders followed by Happy Valley where all is murderous and dark.  That should see us all for a good night's sleep good folks!!  Now I have to dash and check that Bertie is behaving.  He asked to be released briefly and before we knew it there he was peering in at the window like heathcliffe.  Mr Beau has now been and gone and just Ruggles to pop for more tea.  Now do go steady out there in the Wold wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x

Monday, 19 May 2014

Quality control Mundee

Wonka here.  another warm day folks and as I gently brought Owner round to reality I checked up on:  the heating.  the problem of how to have hot water without us all roasting to death reared up and tapped Owner on the lip..  STOP IT Wonka she goes.  Now I am all for reading the small print and being thorough.  if there is a good manual telling you how to do things then hay why not read it?? What's to do?  Owner's way is to press this button, turn that knob go OH I WONDER WHAT THIS DOES whilst I am saying things like, Don't press that Owner you may blow us up, and how about looking at the instructions...............  needless to whisper to you all clever engineers out there it is a simple matter of following the good guidelines every time.  Does Owner do this? NO NO and NO again.  I love it.

Lots more quality control Para.  You can all stand easy as I found the booklet which admittedly (like it) at first glance looks more like Egyptian hiero thingys that plain English.  But luckily they cater (should I say CATer!!) for people like Owner who simply don't have time to read.  They have PICTURES of it!!  So instead of tinkering with this and that and getting nowhere good folks out there with degrees in boilers and what have you, she has finally read the instructions.  I THINK I KNOW WHAT TO DO she goes to me later on.   I mean I am trying to get some shut eye as being in charge of checking is very tiring zzzzzzzzzzzzzz OH do excuse me I dropped off for a second.  yes she pressed the right button and guess what?  No that is not it, we now have hot water without any sign of a burning hot radiator.  I used to know this chap says Owner who had the annoying habit of calling radiators RADS.  Of course it didn't last good folks now finally she goes off out of it armed with a letter of complaint!  I did warn you she came back to life yesterdee full of it. 
Now for our good photoshoot there is a cartoon of the Boiler:   hurrah!! why are you saying hurrah you all go?  Because the first time I tried to copy it on here it came out with a load of gobbledegook.  Oh yes you all say back.  so to the left is Owner pressing the wrong buttons and I am to the side advising her to read it up in the manual to the right of me.  Oh and there is our ancient Yucca plant that Owner rescued from an old boyfriend a million years ago.  He may have said RAD we are not sure.  We love it.

Final quality control para. When Owner hopped back home with just a small bag of purchases (well done Owner!) me and Bertie had managed a few naps in between checking (me).  Mr Beau was spread-eagled behind my giant nest aka the settee and do we need to check on him? YES WE DO.  especially if he has gurgly tummy.  As he trip trapped out the poor back door guess who was trying to come in?? No that is not it, it was only Tinkers!!  courage is everything I always say.  Anyhow he or she soon whipped back out into the yard when it saw Owner.  let's face it Owner you can be a little startling sometimes!  Only joking!! (haven't had my tea yet).  Now tonight you say, well there is Corrie x 2 and then Enders X 1 which is more than enough moaned Owner.  Why good Fizz is shutting the door on model partner Tyrone only gone really funny Mariah can answer that one, and will Carling Black eyebrows ever cotton on to pretend friend Teenah? perhaps she too is struck by the eyebrow thing going on between them.... and as for born again Christian Owen and Anna, who can save their floundering lerve.  We love it.  Enders is full of it, and any day now we can expect to see Dot hoodwinked by another member of the family she never knew about for the last 30 years, whilst over at the Vic, that family is bursting at the coal seams.  Shirlee was all on her own a couple of munfs ago and now look.  No don't.  so apart from a little moan here and there Owner is on even setting and still fussing round the plants.  Ruggles called for breakfast and stood next to mr Beau for his chomp before caving in, growling and rushing back out to freedom.  We love him.  Now do go steady out there in the Wold wherever you are in it and do read the manual first!!  Big Love Wonka x

Sunday, 18 May 2014

Satisfying Sundee

Wonka here.  Yes we slept in.  By a good hour it was and I had nearly given up on Owner ever coming to.  To dab a claw or not to dab a claw I said to myself edging up closer and closer and THEN..Good Morning Wonka she goes!  Hang on she said whilst I remember my dream.  Which was you all say?  She was doing some figure work and get this, congratulating herself on getting it right so quickly as it was a new job.  Did anyone help you I enquired (like this word)?  yes this young girl was helping me and I thought how lovely to have a helper like that.  #A bit later on Owner thinks she has the meaning by the throat.  it means, she said to me, that I have figured it out quickly.  Figured what out I said....I DON'T KNOW she goes back.  I love it.

Fresh and satisfying para.  How come you all go, Owner is full of beans after yesterdee when all was pointless.  Ah, that is all down to Owner's philosophy and of course my sage advice.  (list) 1.  you cannot avoid the awful truth.  In Owner's case the unrelenting burden of problems. 2.  Once you have realised it is awful you must set it aside and WAIT.  3.  Now in between all of this you are allowed to pig out on the dish of your choice.  It could be fish and chips like we did, it could be a curry (no curry shop nearby) it could be two yes two cream slices. 4.  I am trying not to let Owner see me writing this but a further treat JUST THE ONE is allowed.  Like a new book or DVD or Boxset. 5. a new day will bring a new answer.  What are you on about said Owner creeping up on me.  NOTHING I said back.  but today good folks out there, Owner has swung into action and not only sorted out the problems of others but had a good day for herself into the bargain.  How so you want to know.  Geraniums, more geraniums because that is just what the good back yard needed and I did not say a word when she fell back in the door with not one not two but three of them!  Was it on offer I said helpfully?  three for two she goes before she disappeared out back. hours later she comes back in saying things like I HAVE REPOTTED THE LAVENDER.  Oh I goes back and me and Bertie we are starving.  Mr Beau has been in twice and even Tinkers has lingered by the gate.  We love him or her.

OWNER'S BOOK SLOT !!!!! Just a tiny one for today but wait til you see good folks.

Yes there it is  The Art of Peace and it is a tiny book which was given to Owner by her Dad many years ago.  she is letting you see a couple of pages from it too. How will anyone see them I goes to Owner?  With great difficulty she goes back.  What does it say I ventured.....

Foster and Polish
The Warrior spirit
While serving in the world;
Illuminate the Path
According to your Inner light...........OOh I said but these writings are from the founder of Aikido which is a Japanese martial art so it is alright good folks to polish that spirit!  The other page says:
The path of Peace is exceedingly vast, reflecting the grand design of the hidden and manifest worlds.  A warrior is a living shrine of the divine, one who serves that grand purpose.

Well get you Owner, picking that little pocket book out for us.  The art of Peace, it says in the beginning of the book, begins with you.  Work on yourself.....we love it.

Fresh, satisfying and peaceful para.  So there we are good folks, aside from Owner picking a film for us to watch while we wait for our tea which I cannot for the life of me see anyone is called the toothfairy so try and avoid it if you can.  I did whisper what is this downright rubbish film on for but she didn't hear me above putting a potato in the oven.  Later on all we can watch is the British TV awards with good Graham Norton fresh from his coverage of the Eurovision song contest.  He did make one or two witty remarks said Owner so we might tune in.  There is no drama to watch other than what is going on in this house.   Only joking Owner!  ~And a final happy ending to note is that Owner has finished her book.  I HAD TO FINISH IT she goes, but it made me feel funny.  And that good folks is that.  Now the new week is upon us nearly and let us all polish our spirits and win out!  Do go steady out there in the Wold wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x

Saturday, 17 May 2014

Sultry Satdee

Wonka here.  They said it would be hot and by Golly it is hot!  As soon as we woke up we knew it was WARM.  I hope dear Owner I said extending a small claw towards her lip incase she nodded back off, I hope you have not left the heating on.  I adjusted it accordingly she said, thereby proving she was on FULL AWAKE setting.  We wandered downstairs and Owner began the feeding frenzy rounded off with Mr Beau Beau winding through the poor back door just as Rugglesis was ready to growl his way out.  it does get congested (good use of word) in that miniscule space where Owner has to cram up against the beloved new washer to avoid attack by Ruggles of any of her exposed leg.  HE THINKS HE IS TRAPPED she says in his defence.  I said you won't say that when he lobs you a left hook and scars you for life but she didn't hear me above shaking out more biscuits into the overflowing with biscuits saucer.  I love it.

Fresh and very warm para.   Now you know and I know how tricky it is some days cheering Owner on and lifting her jaded spirits.  What you all say, has happened.  the morning passed by in a dream with Owner doing this job doing that job whilst me and Bertie rested up.  So far so good you all reckon and I agree.  it all went downhill once Owner set off on her rounds.  first up to see aged sibling and second up to see aged parent.  Time and time again I have warned against this foolish double whammy of visiting.  of course I generally say all of this just as the good front door is closing and she cannot hear me.  She specially cannot hear me mouthing through the double glazing at her sitting in the car with no name across the street stroke motorway.  Anyhow, does she fall back through the door saying things like.  IT IS ALL POINTLESS Wonka.  Instead of asking why I immediately told her how lovely her hair looked and goodness me, that top didn't half suit etc.  Yes I was speaking from behind the door when I said it.  The good news was, it had all got so desperate she got us all fish and chips for our tea.  BLOW THE COST she said, and seemed unconcerned (!) about all the fat and such like.  I must say me and Bertie tucked in without further ado, but Ruggles...he does not like real fish.  Fancy that, goes Owner who had saved it specially.   a bit later on when we were all fed and nicely, I did say to Owner about the visits and she goes, I got to one of them and it was a load of problems and I got to the other one and it was a load of problems, and that's when I decided it was all pointless.  Whether she means their problems or the universe I cannot be certain, but rest assured good folks out there I have helped her focus on what really matters and that is US.  I also said to her did you go swimming to the happy place and she says yes I did.  I always find a positive folks.  now for the photoshoot is a good cartoon of last night called CHEZ NOUS:

That is Owner watching the good final of Masterchef and for once she got it right and Ping won!!  I am on my nest stroke settee and that blob by the side is Bertie.  We love it.

Final bit cooler para.  Tonight we must watch anything that makes Owner feel better.  So why we are watching a football match I cannot say.  Owner does not follow football, she does not understand it, she cannot name a player, but here we are with an FA cup final on the screen.  she even knows who is playing it is Arsenal v Hull.  Hull to win it she goes because she used to live there.  Are they winning I said.  not at the minute she said back.  Now when all of that is over we can enjoy Britain seems to have some talent with Simon Ghoul and the other three good judges.  If that does not cheer Owner up there is Casualtee with good Charley Nursey being all wise and kind and everyone else is telling on each other.  We love it.  Now do go steady out there in the Wold wherever you are in it.  Big love Wonka x

Friday, 16 May 2014

Fix it Fridee

Wonka here.  up at the crack of dawn to give Owner ample time to (list) 1.  feed us.  2.  feed Mr Beau Beau 3. surprise of the morning, feed Tinkers. 4.  Bigger surprise leave food in luxury shed as Ruggles fast asleep in dreamy land on his luxury heated pad.  Now as if all of that wasn't enough, there had to be a little window (like it as very business like of me to call it that) for Owner's breakfast.  What did she have you all chirp up and say?  ALPEN ORIGINAL.  with this fancy milk that isn't proper milk because although there is a big cow (like MOO) on the front of packet looking out at you, there is no lactose in it.  How does this benefit you Owner I ventured?  NO IDEA she said back.  I love it.

Fresh fix it para.   I did manage thank you all very much to get Owner out on time to get to school number one for her job there.  The minute she whisked off saying things like thank goodness it is Fridee and at least I feel alright and it is OK Wonka I have some hair product in my bag if all goes wrong, I could sink back on my luxury nest aka the settee and get some shut eye.  There is nothing good folks out there more tiring than Owner on fix it settting.   Like what you all say?  First up I said to owner you must take that skirt back even though you will be too tired.  Second up I said you must sort out the job with the little people or grow a giant worry wart over it.  did she do it?  YES SHE DID!  Skirt gone back to the shop that sells not just any old clothes.  I must say goes Owner I have never seen so many acid colours and patterns this year.  OH I goes back.  I checked to see if she had exchanged one mistake in a long line of them for another but no!!  ~Well done Owner!  And the job that is not quite doing it I said?  nearly sorted out she says back.  I have spoken to staff and as for the little people they have stepped up.  it turns out that one of the little people declared they were set to be good the entire lunchtime and actually achieved it!  ~this is a major fix it beyond Owner's expectations.  With all this positive stuff going on me and Bertie were fed twice and Mr Beau has popped in for some of the cat food Owner thinks will sort out his gurgly tummy.  For our photoshoot we thought one of me for a change looking out back as we love it:  there I am good folks on my fave perch, the sideboard looking out back. 

Final fixed para:  we are planning a fairly benign (love it) evening ahead good folks with our dose of Corrie x 2 and Enders x 1 and somehow we must fit in masterchef THE FINAL.  last night jack, Luke it is Luke thankfully, and Ping all wrestled with food for this famous chef I have personally never heard of in my life.  neither had Owner and all this time he has been famous to all and sundry.  his name you all want to know (you mean you do not know!)  it is Ferran Adria accent over the a.  Well I'll go to the halfway point of our stairs I said when they kept on saying how famous he is.  he may be Spanish,  who knows.  anyhow did they all cook up some nice dishes and tonight one of them will win it!  We love Luke as he is lagging behind.  Owner says she had better not predict anything as with her track record of song contests and so on.... in Corrie there are several storylines coming up to the boil and we pray madeh and sofee are not one of them.  Good and turned out quite nice Owen is still in the dark about Anna's dark deeds to set her family free and Mum to be Carling black eyebrows is still oblivious (love that word!) to her lapsed husband Petah's cheating ways, with pretend friend Teenah.  Now Owner is safely back onto I love the wold setting, Enders should pass us by without too much shouting at the tv.  BUT.  Shirlee's rather good looking son angelo (??) is back in the square!  Just when you thought that family of Mick's could not extend any further it has!  and surely there is room for more in that pub.  And last but not least, evil Phil's son Ben is wandering about somewhere ready to turn up perhaps as a new actor said Owner hopefully.  Time now good folks to check for Rugglesis.  me?  never been happier.  If Owner is happy then so am I.  I love it.  Now do go steady out there in the Wold wherever you are in it as the weekend is upon us.  Big Love Wonka x

Thursday, 15 May 2014

Face it Thursdee

Wonka here.  All under control as we got up, Bertie trip trapped downstairs to make way for me on the bed alerting Owner to the fact it is a new day and TIME TO GET was fine, she knew what day it was, and who the prime minister is...Only Joking!!  Good Chris Evans was very pleased for himself and the team because they have racked up a giant audience of which me and Owner plus Bertie when he comes out of his lair are part of.  We do listen to good Radio 2 most of the time and Owner only turns it off when (list).  1.  The song is getting on her nerves.  This is any Adele (sorry Adele and even more sorry to any fans out there in the Wold it is just too mournful for Owner.  I  quite like her.)2.  Any Jesse J.  no sorrys.  none.  3. The current Eurovision song contest entry by Molly.  owner got it on the brain yesterdee and it did threaten to put her in a mood.  I cannot afford for that to happen. 4.  Owner has taken against Lily Allen.  is it just women you don't favour I said to Owner but she goes it is only jingly jangly shouty grating talking not singing mournful songs.  OH I said.  I love it.

Face up to it para.  Now what you all jump up and say to me.  After such a good start to the morning does Owner go and spoil it for herself.  I spose I had better get off she goes, to the job that is just not up to scratch (poor choice of word I know) anymore.  Why is that you all shout up?  I did quiz Owner about this and got the following information.  when she trudged back in with 2 wrong items of clothing (on taking the trousers back she then went on to buy a t shirt which we can live with, it is ok, I wouldn't have bought it myself, and a long skirt that makes Owner look 100 years old and this folks is definitely going back)  I said straight off what is it Owner.  her face had that set look that usually means I must be halfway up the stairs.  I played it safe and sat at the top.  IT'S ALL GONE WRONG TODAY she said holding back the tears.  That's tears folks not years. Just my little joke to lighten us up!  it turns out that the little people had a time of it too with tears galore, a lot of rowdy behaviour, the usual snitching which little people cannot help, spilling entire contents of bottles and not having the right thing in their lunchbox.  NO CHANGE THERE then I said helpfully.  IT WASN'T that said Owner it was quote, that lack of organisation. AHA I said back. Owner says she must face facts and regroup. (?)  Personally I think Russell Grant the Astrologer is maybe onto something folks with his predictions and I did say this to Owner but she may not have heard me from the back of the wardrobe.  Now today's photoshoot is a rather fetching cartoon of the Three Gnomes!! To cheer us up a little.  Well Owner then as I am cheered up. Not only is it flown up to the left but I have made it bigger.  Owner says it is BLURRY but I said that is how you are looking at life at the moment.  alright I thought it.  Now the little and nearest to us gnome is whistler by the big plant pot then in the middle sort of up and left a bit is the new Mr O Leary and looking straight on is Quasimodo.  To the right good folks is Tinkers wending its way to the luxury shed.  Owner is now saying she will upload it to google+ as only a mouse would see it on here.  I love it.

Final faced it and still facing it para.  Owner has decisions to make good folks out there and yes she has consulted her consultant at the good agency.  yes we may be facing up to starvation.  Especially if Owner keeps buying the wrong clothes! Sorry owner!!  I love you etc.  Now last night we managed Corrie and the storyline of Maria sending the wrong texts to Tyrone and evil David knows all.  Carla's bruv Rob who is to marry wicked through and through Tracee is on to temptress Tina and cheatin Pete so we can expect a showdown any day soon.  We love it.  And toby jug and thingy who used to love Maria until he changed sides continue to provide some very witty banter. in Masterchef for once Owner got it right and PING is through to the final with Jack and Luke we think it is Luke and again, sorry if it isn't.  so more of that and of course Enders.   Will this stoke up Owner's already frazzled and faced up setting.  Only Enders can do it!  will it be the big and pending row between Carol cancer and her scarf and David?  Will it be another grandson worming his way into Dot's affections?  Will Phil stop being nice as we cannot stand it?  And where is Ben newly released and hopefully newly acted too.  All to play for Owner I said to cheer her on.  I AM ALRIGHT NOW she says (this I know is a song.  just telling you).  but I do not quite believe it.  I love it.  Ruggles and Mr Beau have both been in and eaten fodder.  Tinkers has been in the luxury shed.  Me?  I just roll with it folks!  Now do go steady out there in the Wold wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x

Wednesday, 14 May 2014

Mysterious Wednesdee

Wonka here.  REMINDER TO SELF goes Owner just now so I says yes what is it?  And she goes, tell me Wonka, NOT to look at anymore of Russell Grant's videos of our stars for today, so I says why is that, and she says because it is not promising any LUCK LOVE or GOOD FORTUNE...what I whispered from behind the door, did it say.  Owner reckons it was all about the full moon (today it is folks in our neck of the woods, not sure about anywhere else in the wide wold though) and change.  Oh no I groaned (good use of word) not more change Owner!  Not if I can help it she continued, .  But Russell used the word Stagnate and Education.  these two words have set Owner off on a giant anxiety attack about her life.  And a worry wart.  I have my work cut out good folks to ease this situation.  I love it.

Distraction number one para:  thankfully a mystery has arrived through the post in the shape of a parcel.  it was left next door by the good postie and collected by Owner when she crawled back in this afternoon on about being tired and so forth.  After we had been fed twice (me and Growler), tidied up after, had my own special litter tray changed as I will not go in it otherwise, and gone out to the dustbin and luxury shed, I did say to Owner was she going to open it anytime soon?  Luckily she did not hear me above ripping the parcel open with a pair of scissors, a little like her attacking motion with the bottom of the plant pots.  STEADY! I said from under the table.  And guess what it was?  No it wasn't that.  This good folks out there is what was hiding in the parcel....
YES!!  Owner was immediately restored to ALRIGHT setting.  But good folks, it is a mystery gift, with an anonymous note.  Clues you say?  the note is addressed to Quasimodo the first gnome, the one with the watering can (photoshoot to follow), there is reference to 'this madwoman bought me' (?? could be one of many Owner says.  Hmm) and 'I found my way here (thanks to Leprachaun post).  All we can deduce says Owner is the Irish connection.  Thanks to this, our gnome is called Mr O Leary.  (this is a nod to Dermot who we listen to on Satdee aft and who I have proudly posed by his CD.)  There we are the two gnomes together.....  No I have not forgotten the other gnome who whistles as you go by.  But, he is not the subject of the note.  more big HMMMMs. so as not to feel left out, here is the other gnome.  The Third gnome, which Owner says is a bit like the third man which is a book by Graham Green she thinks.  I said there is no likeness whatsoever but she didn't hear me above checking out back for Ruggles. 
So that weensy miniscule gnome by the red flower pot is whistles, and that even smaller speck is newbie gnome and then the original quasi is the speck of blue to the right.  Could you not have blown it up Owner I goes and she said I'll blow you up in a minute Wonka but she was only joking! I love it.

Final mystery para.  As long as Owner is mucking about with gnomes and our teatime she is not dwelling on any changes she needs to make in her life.  And there is good Corrie x 1 and Masterchef to tide her over.  in Corrie, Tyrone is gradually seeing Maria in a different light, a good and flattering light, whilst FIZ his saviour beforehand, good friend and stalwart (Owner says good use of word) partner etc and so on, may be brushed aside.  Cheatin and not recovered alcoholic Pete went on a bender and then had a horrid showdown with Carla who threw a photo of the bebeh at him.  Alright it is early days for the bebeh but is all a glass darkly for this couple said Owner wisely.  OH I goes.  masterchef will be lighter fair (!) and Owner can get well and truly involved with other lives and not her own. We are on a slight Mr Beau alert because he dropped in last night with gurgly tummy and Owner said YOU ARE A BAG OF BONES Beau Beau.  prayers to St Francis went up.  Now I must dash as Ruggles may be waiting on the step and Bertie may have come out of his lair.  He continues to live up to all the reasons many good folk do not take to us felines as pets.  We love it.  Aged parent said to owner yesterdee how many cats do you have now, and Owner goes 2 inside and 3 outside (counting Tinkers).  Aged parent says do they all get on? and Owner says NO.  Owner reports that this made aged parent laugh for quite some time.  it is funny I said, from behind the kitchen door.  Now do go steady out there in the Wold wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x

Tuesday, 13 May 2014

Tip top Tuesdee

Wonka here.  New routine is working well. what new routine you all shout up?  the one where I creep up alongside the bed and jump up surprising Bertie aka smellygrowler and he jumps off leaving me free to WAKE UP OWNER.... yes I did have to do the dab at lip with claw this morn as Owner in danger of sleeping through.  She said thought it was Sundee.  Not a hope I goes.  The Breakfast club opened for business and Rug trots in nicely and only growled slightly to trot back out.  As opposed to Bertie who is on Growl Setting.  Now they are all on about a heat wave and can it hurry up please.  yes it is sunny yes it is Blue Sky but it is still not warm enough.  We love it.

Tip top para.  what is tip top about it you wonder.  We shall see.  Now it is highly likely that some of you out there in the Wold are wanting an update on Baba's buddleia.  Yesterdee I sent Owner out back to sort out some repotting and maybe a bit of take a cutting here and there.  how did she get on?  After an initial shaky start where she filled the giant pot with that fibre stuff and forgot to poke holes in the bottom, it was fine.  HOW WILL THE WATER ESCAPE I shouted through the window but she may not have heard me above the poor double glazing.  I know she is handy with a knife but I also said take it steady Owner as she really attacked the bottom of those pots! Anyhow, Baba's buddleia is now in one of the new and giant pots so it can grown into a huge tree.  And for anyone who does not know who he is, he was my companion in between Golly and the others.  Oh alright Bertie then.  and maybe Mr Beau.  should you all want to read about him there is the story on  #wonka or go straight to it  on

Now you will all want to see the new plant pot and here it is:  flown it to the left hand side don't ask me why.  doesn't it look grand.  finally Owner called it after Baba because after he went off to the sanctuary in the sky this little tiny thing next to his fave kennel grew loads and even sprouted a flower!!  we love it.  and we love you Baba.  hankies away folks!

Next tip top para.  Owner announced a visit to aged parent with two new items of clothing. Let's hope you do better with her than those trousers I shouted after her but she didn't hear me above closing the good front door.  thankfully this means I can get my head down and not have to advise for the next few hours.  Bertie is in his lair I checked.  Bliss.  it only seemed like seconds later when she came crashing back through the front door laden with boxes of food and water.  She used to criticise aged parent and sibling for buying water in....WHY ARE YOU STOCKPILING ALL THESE PLASTIC BOTTLES of water she would go.  do you remember that I said to her as she was stockpiling it all in the back of the fridge but she pretended not to hear me.  Now whilst she was at aged parent's 'home' she took part in the resident's quiz.  YES SHE LOVED THEM she goes when I dared to pipe up about the new shirts stroke blouses.  (this is tip top)There were some newbies there too she says, and we had a laugh.  But how did you do in the quiz I ventured (like it).  And here is a further tip top....  I got ten out of ten in the first one but missed a couple in the next.  LIKE I said.  The capital of Wales is Cardiff. (I knew that).  and something about skiing (Slalom.  I knew that).  She loves it.

Last topping para.  More and final tip top news on the social front is that Owner is invited to a party in July.  she doesn't know what to wear as yet but we will keep you updated about this important event.  I never go out, she declared.  This could run and run good folks out there and personally I can see a long line of wrong ill fitting clothes marching in and out the door.   Keep it simple I advised, be classy and stylish as only you can.  ~Well it is nearly tea time and I don't want to upset the feeding schedule.  Now tonight we have to bear up with Enders and the continuing annoying in the extreme storyline about Dot being hoodwinked as to her family.  I mean.  Deep breaths Owner.  Also simmering is David and Carole's scarf and cancer.  She is being all lovey dovey which can only mean a big argument maybe this episode or next.  As to who knocked off Lucee, my money is on the cleaner who we never glimpse.  The there is good Holby city where Jack who is a woman high up doctor thing and her baby's Dad keep at it (fighting), cuddly Doctor thingy keeps smoothing things over and all the others are just plain nasty.  ~finally to make sure Owner goes to bed OK there is Happy Valley and we already know this will go badly.  and Darkly.  but we have to watch it grim and all.  Now do go steady out there in the Wold wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x

Monday, 12 May 2014

Horoscope Mundee

Wonka here.  Sunny start, managed to get up near to Owner with Bertie Growler OFF THE BED!  I did say quietly to him I said, this was my Owner first so move over!!  Mind you he spoilt it by going in my luxury tray before me..... it was despite this a nice morning to wake up to.  Dreams you ask?  She was mumbling about making a list with someone and then having an appointment cancelled and asking to see the Manager.  that sounds very you I says.  Good Ruggles was waiting nicely and all in all a pleasant morning.  What you say could possibly go wrong?  We love it.  Mundees.

Fresh follow your horoscope para.  Now what you all hanging off the edge of your seat go?  Owner made the mistake of listening and looking at a video of her MUNDEE HOROSCOPE via good Russell Grant.  Instead of saying things like what a fabulous conjuction of this and a new moon in the other and Mercury (planet of communications) is moving forward...NO.  Russell stands there and says you must sort something out that has been hanging over you!!!  like the Sword of Damocles... WOE goes Owner.  Do you know what he is on about I said from behind the door?  TAX CODES she goes back.  An hour later good folks out there all is calm all is clear.  We are tax coded into oblivion and helping the nation tick over.    What is this you all pipe up and ask???  This good folks is said Sword of Damocles and represents the ever present dangers to those in power!!  We love it.

Free from horror para.  Now Owner fairly skipped out the door once she had solved all her tax codes FOR NOW.  As we have learnt, the second any more money should drift through the letterbox, should Owner suddenly develop her own Life Coaching business so that people actually want to have some, and any other hidden suspect income (should we check the loft I said to owner and she goes DON'T BE SILLY WONKA!).... anyone would think we were sitting on a fortune.  You know how much I worry when Owner skips back through the door with more things we don't need. And of course this is what she did.  She ran straight upstairs to try these tiny leggings on I said even a child would struggle with those owner but she couldn't hear me above breathing in and doing some strange yoga like stretching to pull them back off.  I rest my paws as usual.  What else has happened on this horoscope Mundee?  Owner has found out that someone who does an ace job is very helpful, friendly, and uses a rather nice aftershave is to help out at lunch times no more.  TYPICAL she moaned to me, the minute anyone useful comes along they are banished to do another job.  I could only agree and say soothing things like well he is still there just not helping you Owner, and OH WHAT A SHAME thinking all the time, what is for tea and when will it happen?   I love it.

final prediction free para.  Tonight we must try and watch the rest of our action packed thriller called HOMEFRONT.  There is nothing homely about it and for most of the film we have worried about a tiny black kitwit called Luther.  We know it is JUST A FILM but.  Next up will be the soap sandwich with Corrie X 2 and good Carla whining on about cheating Pete and his brush with deathly alcohol, Anna has not told Owen the story he will not want to hear, but hopefully Tim is still being the kind of partner to knock holes in Sally's small minded universe.  ~For some reason she is being kind to Madeh and this alone is sending  Owner crackers.  Over in Enders, dark storylines continue to merge like twisted tracks.  One minute she did it, oh no it must be him, no that is too obvious and so on.  BUT hardly had Owner moaned about Dot and her usurping grandson does she smell a rat!!  Another BUT.  I like these buts they are very useful.  yes Owner thinks that somehow the cheating lying thieving obviously NOT DOT'S GRANDSON will convince Dot that he is.  just because she is 90 odd says Owner does not mean she is daft.  (BUT).  now I must dash as I need to check on smelly Growler that is my new name for Bertie, and of course Rug may be at the door.  Tinkers has been and gone thankyou.  Tomorrow if I do remember I must update you on the garden front (back yard!) as it has gone very green and Owner spent a good hour out there messing about with pots.  Me?  I observed all from the sideboard occasionally (like it) giving Owner wise words to spur her on, like THAT LOOKS BETTER OVER THERE.  We love it.  Now do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka X