Tuesday, 31 January 2017

Wonka Presents! An Egyptian Tale

Owner nearly gave up on this so many times BUT SHE KEPT GOING......and thanks to that terrier like attitude folks, the new story did get published (#AustinMacauley) - no one, PERSONNE took any notice according to the good publishers of this fact BUT STILL Owner clung on to her faith in this new story.X

SO WHAT she droned to me, if no one is interested in talking to me about my book? I STILL LOVE IT.  End of x

There it is! our new story by my beloved Owner, AND me.  AND all the illustrations are Owner's.  It is worth your attention folks it really is.  You can find it on Amazon, the shop in the sky, or, go mad and order it in a real bookshop .....the best thing is, it is dedicated to a small adult stroke child called Phoebe who once described me, Wonka, as a cool cat. that kind of flattery is furry and purry and we love it! X
This is my small but very important announcement for the last day of January folks, and in amongst all the other angst ridden news, I hope it is welcome respite for you all.  Sent to you as always, with Big Love Wonka X

Saturday, 28 January 2017

Cock a doodle doooo!!

Introducing the YEAR OF THE ROOSTER yes folks it's the Chinese New Year and guess what? NO that is not it, what I mean to say is, Owner is convinced YES, convinced that it is her year. HOWCOME I asked her up, do you reckon on that Owner?
'I read it in my Chinese animal signs guide!' she droned to me, and furthermore, she goes ' I am compatible with roosters and it is going to be a good year!' Folks it  hasn't got much to do, to improve on last year....all that tossing and turning over jobs and money and noise and wotnot....Well I says to her, I think it has already started being different.............what with your holidee booking..............
There she is!!! and blow me down to North Bay and back if she didn't go mad and book a long weekend in the big Apple folks!! it all begins in three weeks' time and the nerves have already taken hold......My aunties will be coming to our new crow's nest to make sure we are all spoilt rotten especially ME and oh alright Bertie Bub and Ruggles while Owner gads about in New York. it is an adventure in keeping with the year of the rooster folks!! X
What else has she done Wonka? you are all on a knife edge wanting to know is has she gone mad in any other direction.....and the answer is, she has!!
There he is!! It is only Mr Rick Astley!!! and Owner has only gone and got herself a ticket to see him in NEW YORK! She is calling it her golden ticket folks.  I must do it Wonka she said to me, even though folks, she feels it is scary and wotnot, YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE she droned to me............personally I think it is more than that but in Owner's case, once is really quite enough....X
The other best news of the week folks, is that our beloved new story, Wonka Presents! An Egyptian Tale is due out on Tuesday!!! 31 January 2017!!!

After many emails TICK and many conversations with a nice person called Casey TICK (we like that name) we had a good email advising that Owner's books will arrive on Mundee and the book itself will hit the shelves on Tuesdee!! AND the imaginary shelves in the sky folks that is Amazon.  IF ONLY FOLKS will read it moaned Owner to me...and I have to, for once, agree....it will mean everything to me and Owner, if folks do go onto read it, buy it and first and foremost LOVE IT. 
End of and Year of the Rooster fact up.X PS good Austin Macauley who have gone to the trouble of publishing my best story, have just opened an office in New York...........will Owner pay them a visit?
to be revealed folks.......................X
In other lesser news, it has been a strange week in politics but it has all gone mad there anyway.  Tresa Trews sped across the pond and met with Donwald.  They shared a podium thingy and said lots of nice things that we wish were true.....Owner says of all the people to dream of did she dream of Donwald last night. DID HE BEHAVE himself Owner I says up and happily folks, she says he did and there was no sign of Tresa Maybe or Maynot anywhere.  Jezzer is still mucking about with the Labour people or what's left of them, telling them what to do.  I know.X
On the good telly we are basking in lots of singing shows, and The Voice is still our fave as we like the judges this time and Gazzer (Let it Shine) is only a tad annoying to Owner who is keeping on top of it and now likes Mr Kemp.  In good Corrie Tracee is in Lerve with thingy and Phelan has murdered Andy but no one PERSONNE has noticed yet.  And thing has moved in with Roy.  That is the best storyline aside from Gemma in the Kebabshop we love her.X
Workwise, Owner has been up down and nearly lost it in the business lessons on profit and loss accounts.  AS IF Wonka...she droned to me WE DON'T HAVE enough of that chez nous.  I mean.X
Now get you best fur coat on, sharpen your claws, go out there and start this Rooster year the way you mean to go on folks!! Big Love Wonka X

Friday, 20 January 2017

Hello and Goodbye!

It's happened folks that thing in good old americy....they have only gone and inaugurated a new President! Donwald the Trump has taken it on and good Barack Obama (we love him.X) has flown off in a helicopter.  Can we feel the winds of change right here in our new crow's nest?  Owner has been in doldrums and her mood settin (no G according to Mr Steve Wright and his jockin afternoon.....X) has been clutching onto zero.  I know this by the way she shouted at me for having a half hearted spat with rugglesis.  Alright maybe I did rush up to him at full pelt AND do the old hissin and spittin routine.  how was I to know it would frighten and upset Owner?  YES I have stopped it, and I soon rolled round on the not so luxury carpet whilst ruggles is skulking in his lair under the red settee.  I know.X
There we are! Having another spat! I mean.X
In other news and Owner says is there any other news barring OH NO it's happened, the new president said this and his blue wifey I mean she wore a blue thingy, well she hasn't said anything that we know of.............. but yes I am determined to bring you fresh and inspiring news folks and here it is up!:
1.  Beloved Ronnie is back on the green baize and in the semi finals for the Masters. We love him.  End of.X
2.  Owner has had her hair trimmed back so it no longer looks like a hedge on the top of her head (only joking!!) I LIKE IT BETTER she droned and is planning on some new colour in it soon. I said nothing to this, DE RIEN, but we all know how it is with Owner and her hair colour......X
3.  she got through the week at college without (she says) falling out with anyone.  This could be the achievement of the week so far.  Very proud.
4.  the credit card has been battered and tossed and turned and is weighed down with massive debt BUT Owner says the new clothes she HAD to buy on it, make up for the worry caused by buying them.  I did reassure her folks, she looked a treat and I was letting her off about the non essential shopping as it moved her mood settin up a slight notch to maybe 2 or 3.x
5.  The best news is that Owner is planning a short break in...roll on the drums building to a noisy crescendo thingy wotsit NEW YORK. the credit card is laying down and restin up ready to take this latest giant expense in its stride.  Seriously folks, she said she will not go IF WONKA I have to fret about you and Rug and Bertie Bubb.x

There we are!! Owner looking nice and relaxed!  this is as rare as say spotting a lesser known dinosaur out and about in the wild with Dave Attenborough reportin on it.X
YES Bertie is alright and frightened us all the other day by trotting down to the next level.  Owner said Dave Attenborough might want to study him next.  I mean this was unprecedented ( need to lay down now) behaviour for the bubster who generally only moves between his lair, his food and the facilities.X
Now sometimes this good blog publishes itself without my sayso and in keeping with these strange times IT HAS INAUGURATED itself.!
Thankfully folks, I was near the end of all the news except to say go steady out there these are strange times and anything could happen.  and it has done too................I haven't mentioned Jezzer and I won't say another word and as for Tresa Maynot, she is still babbling on about Brexit until Owner goes into a frenzy about it. And wearing tartan suits of all things. RIDICULOUS shouted Owner when she heard.X
Do steady up, no spitting or spatting folks, be nice and try and get along even when your fur is bristling up! maybe just dab a claw in...................big Love wonka X

Saturday, 14 January 2017

Then it Snowed!

BY Golly says Owner when she woke up on Fridee morn. IT IS FREEZING.  When she stumbled into the bathroom and looks out of the window it is all white, all the way down to the sea.  Folks, it was a beauty view but all owner could say was.
'I hope I can drive the car (with no name) out of the street and up the hill Wonka.'
Not: OOH I SAY HOW PRETTY it all looks on the rooftops and chimney tops all the way down to the bay..............

DID SHE DO IT Wonka? you are all bursting to know, and apart from one small heart stopping moment when she thought the car with no name was going to stop half way up said steep hill (after she had a word with it, it decided to carry on after all.X) the journey was a typical snow ridden and slush ridden adventure.X  There is talk of flooding and wotnot and some folk may have to evacuate. Personally, I think we are safe as we are perched up high from those crashing waves in our crow's nest.  End of.X
There we are!! it is a beauty view folks and I cannot tell you enough times how much I love those birds.  I do.X
Owner is slowly coming to life with this new year thing and has come out with some sudden and (as I whispered to her, from well out of ear shot folks) quite frankly, risky ideas. WHAT ARE THEY Wonka you are all now on the edge of your settees to know.  One idea, is to move the living room upstairs. Yes.  I am totally against it being in the new Narnia Room where me and Rug hang out now.  Set against it.  BUT I am open to her shovelling around in the other room.  WHAT, I says to her, will you use the living room for then.  The one you are using now but you say is not the right thing.  and blow me right down to the south bay folks, she says THAT COULD BE AN OFFICE.  Office? Are we going into business I says up?  I wonder sometimes I really do folks, just what is going on in her head.  I nearly took her temperature but decided against it as it was smack on our tea time.X
Other ideas consist of hooking an agent to sell our stories for us (I know) and writing another story.  The last idea is the best one, and she has even started it already. I love it.X
Now due to this wet and snowy and downright windy weather, Owner's hair has taken a U turn, and withered to about one hair on her head.  She insists it is called FLYAWAY hair and must be clamped down with hairgrips and bobbles. This may or may not be in fashion and I hope for her sake folks, that it is.X

There we are!! Just throw everything at it folks.X
We are now hooked on Let it Shine with Gazzer Barlow and a few others PLUS the new Voice which still has WillyIAM and Tom Jones in it.  There are two new people and Owner is all for the only female judge - you will recall the terrible time I had when my little pony I mean Ms Faith was on the panel. I had to tell her off all the time.  Owner I mean, for shouting at the telly.  Beyond this we are trying Taboo and this mainly due to Tom Hardy. I LIKE HIM Owner said up.X  Oh and there is a new documentary thing called Hospital about guess what yes that is right for a change, hospitals.  As long as Owner shuts her eyes for the operations we can get through it folks. I did say it isn't you having to go through it Owner, but luckily she didn't hear me above watching someone go under.  I know.X
Now this good and snow free morn (all gone!x) Owner goes to me:
'I feel like giving up Wonka...' now this did send a shiver down my spine folks and I says Can you hold off until we've all had our breakfast? And all this because we are on best and real fish - yes this is our menu folks, and I don't think she heard me say that above chopping the fish into minute fragments that wouldn't choke Bertie never mind me.  I mean I nearly gave up folks!! X
Next thing she says she is alright (I know.x) and is going on a healthy lifestyle stroke diet.  This means porridge folks.  and once she had put her glasses on and scrutinised (word of the week.x) the directions we discovered (blimey) it is quicker to cook it on the hob than in the microwave. We were both amazed folks.X
Do take it steady out there in these first few weeks of January, when everyone is feeling poverty stricken and ugly.  Alright that's just Owner then but you see what I mean!  it is all to play for, and even though Owner had a funny week at work (I did mention the full moon and the planetary line up and she did listen for half a second before blaming it squarely on the work and not her.X) yes so snuggle on down or wrap up warm in that fur coat!  Big Love Wonka X

Saturday, 7 January 2017

Fridee night and Satdee morning.

Halloah up all you lucky folks out there all enjoying your first week of the new year. WHY ARE YOU SO HAPPY WONKA??

Some of it folks, is being in this new Crow's Nest with more space to play in.  AND chase in. AND hide in. Here's me on one of my fave pastimes:
There we are!! I am just sitting nicely by the red settee that Ruggles lays under like a troll.  MAYBE, Owner droned to me, Maybe Ruggles thinks it is the bench outside in the old house.  Now folks, I didn't pay too much attention to this remark from Owner - red settee in new crow's nest house being compared to a smelly old bench in our old outback??? I mean does Bertie Bubb think he is still in the Narnia cupboard OR is he clever enough to realise he is simply under my giant nest aka Owner's pit.  I know.X
Other reasons to be cheerful are: Owner keeps buying fish for Bertie and thankfully giving me some too.  Ruggles is keen on real chick but does not rush downstairs to eat real fish freshly cooked by Owner. No. and finally, it is the birds.  There are every kind of bird I like.  The gulls of course and their tweenies as Owner calls them (baby gulls to me and you.X), then there are pigeons cooing and fluttering about and then the sparrows that are so quick by the time Owner has said look at that sparrow Wonka, it has sped off! NO we have not yet seen a robin but give us a moment and we will.X
Is Owner still out of her comfort zone you all whisper up fearful of the answer. SORT OF.  Christmas time and New Year was very trying as she had too much time on her hands to start on a giant worry wart.  If we had a swingometer of things to worrit about it would resemble a big clockface with worrywarting events instead of hours.  I did say to Owner it would just have pound signs on it then but luckily she didn't hear me above searching for the calculator to do the horrid accounts with.X
There we are!! That is me sitting on a pile of new stories MOST of which Owner has managed to pull herself together and self publish!! There was the new #Duffel story (the inheritance one...set in jolly old Paree I mean to say Paris!x) then there was the Spooky Tale AND another story for the New Year!! and to crown it all there is our new Egyptian Tale to be published by Austin Macauley at the end of this month.......... GULP.  Owner has just trawled through a massive questionnaire all about marketing.  I know.  it did ask if Owner knew anyone of influence to talk her story up.  I must admit at this point folks I took a fast run up those stairs and therefore couldn't hear what Owner was saying...............it may have been along the lines of ISN'T THAT YOUR JOB??!!~@** X

All writers and creative folks suffer from this self doubt and anxiety I whispered from the safety of behind the door in the new Narnia Room.  That is where I wait patiently (I think I do,x) for Ruggles to come out so we can hiss at each other.X
Now there are plenty of new progs to look forward to folks, and let it shine or something very like that, is one of them.  Good Gary Barlow is heading it up so end of. OR, take that!! (Owner says I may have offended some take that fans but they will have to let me off.X) on the other side tonight, and possibly clashing as Owner is fond of saying, will be The Voice.  yes.  no more Boy Georgie or my little pony, but a pretty fearsome lady and someone we don't know from Adam. BUT good Tom Jones is there and that is a HUGE end of.X
I have to end with a small note about the pending Donwald the Trump who is still going to be the president of Americy despite a lot of folks saying howcome he has no political experience and he used to head up The Apprentice and such like. this just shows you folks what we have come to and what your old money can buy too. We are sad to say cherio to Obama and Michelle but all good things have an end to them.....and folks, somehow, that Trump got a mention in our new story written in 2015...it was written in the stars we think.X
Now on the subject of stars Owner has mumbled to me that Mercury is in retrograde and this affects all communications. This means that I will have to shout up and repeat myself all over the place and it is just as well I don't need to catch a bus or train or plane!!!  Do enjoy the week ahead though folks, and don't take NO for an answer - go at it, and get what you want!!! Big Love Wonka X