Friday, 29 May 2015

Read while you wait!

Wonka here!  Just to say folks while you are all waiting for Owner's new look cartoon thingy! You can always read one of the seventeen free to read stories all on

Smashwords.com

follow the tag #wonkastories

 
 
This is the cover from our New Year's Eve story:
 
'Wonka presents our very last surprise tale of the year, The Crossing Time, lying forgotten in a drawer. We must tell it, said Owner and who better to see in the New Year whilst the old one goes over, than Wonka telling this haunting tale. Meet Alice Snood and her cold ways, and the shadows that stay with her. Set in the old town of Hull, once again on this final eve, draw up a chair and enjoy!' X
 
                                                 Big Love Wonka x

Thursday, 28 May 2015

New Look New Look

Howdy folks and hallelujah - Owner is figuring out a new format for this diary.  YES I am allowed to be in it, when she has created it.  At the minute, she is favouring a full on cartoon. (catoon??)

So a bit like...............
 
A bit like our best cartoons with some writing BUT
 
with me too of course, AND - every now and then PLUS covering something topical and of full on interest to the nation. (what's left of it. end of.)
 
so I shall still be in charge.  sort of.
 
 
And when it is ready....you could have one of those daft notification things to let you know!  Me?  I prefer the old klaxon or hand bell even............  We do hope, Owner and me, you will look in on us now and then - Big Love Wonka x

Wednesday, 27 May 2015

Mizzle Wednesdee

Wonka here.

We are breaking with tradition!! YES we ARE!

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/545435

 Do use this link to go straight to our newest story!!  Conversations with Wonka - Part five.
 
 
OOOOHHHH! Yes, me and Owner have been revving up to make a decision about this good diary...  I know there are some faithful folk out there and we love you millions NO trillions, BUT, as you also know, I have to keep Owner on track and she is wanting more time to write the next story...which is all about Diva.  This means (list) 1.  a possible Diary break 2. doing it once a week 3. once a month 4. never again in our lifetime (hankies away folks). OR changing the format altogether................
Owner is all for being revolutionary (don't make me spell that word again ever) and trying something different.  Like? I went in that new and ultra annoying way... maybe do a full cartoon she suggested.  OH, I says up, but actually (get me) folks I quite like that new and refreshing idea PLUS it is in keeping with my hero on that bigger isle (hallo Australia!) called #Moondog (god) who does a nifty little cartoon himself.  it's all to play for says Owner.
 
Final mizzle word on it all.  We called it Mizzle because it is.  it is cold, damp, feels like autumn and now it is drizzling.  Even Ruggles caved in and asked to come back in and he loves it out back.  End of.  In the meantime folks bear with our new and changing diary.  Owner says we will post something tomorrow that is not VAGUE or CONFUSING and informs you instead.. and I love it.
Do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x
 

Tuesday, 26 May 2015

Wishful Tuesdee

Wonka here.  Owner is mumbling on about (list) 1.  What you think you might like is often NOT at all what you like. 2.  No wonder people sleep all day 3. No wonder people give up easily 4. back to the start oh and 5. Did all the classic authors and our hero Mr Dickens sit up all night worrying and fussing over commas and full stops??? eh?  EH????? Is punctuation (blimey there's a word) the BEE ALL AND END ALL Wonka? she finishes up on me.  No Owner I says back, quick as a flash, End of.  BLUMMIN great full stop. x

Fresh and wishful para.  What? you all cry up as one has brought this on, we thought it would be a nice diary all about Owner's Dad (in wood carving heaven and it is an anniversary. yes) and it would have been possibly, maybe...perhaps BUT instead Owner was alerted (like it) to a notification (OOOHH) that she had a review............But when she read it, she says she wished they had not bothered AND she hopes thy will not pick on the rest of our books I mean read the rest of our books and comment on them!  But Owner! it was the very first one, when neither you, the laptop, or the waterbowl (?) knew what you were doing.  Surely I followed up, it is better to have a lame and faint review than DE RIEN!  After all, 17 short stories later, she must have improved!  YES I said this from well behind the door folks, because I love her. x

Small wishful cartoon para:
 
 
 
There we are! Soon be over Owner I chirped up! Hold fast for the next one.....x
 
 
Final wishful para.  We are soon to take a holidee folks, and have a week or so to build up to it.  Bertie Bubb is booked in at the good vets round the bend I mean corner and goodness knows they'll have their work cut out.  Do they know he is coming? I says to Owner and she reckons it is open surgery and she can just turn up and they can look at Bertie's miniscule lump.  And worm him.  and anything else for good measure.  I am only glad and over the moon it isn't me.  As it is Owner will have to hide the cat prison I mean carrier and wait til Bertie trips out for his breakfast.  Ruggles has been there once, and as you may know was like a caged lion.  yes.  We will give you advance warning of the holidee and how it will pan out (Owner says to say this and I only pray that review hasn't sent her funny with words and grammar and such like.). 
 
Now tonight we are clinging onto the semi live shows and voting for the underdog - last night this was Cally who burst lots of balloons and set a new Wold record! Then it's Corrie and the big wedding of Steve and thingy.  To round Owner's fun night off, there is the continuing saga of the Wars of the Roses with both sides hacking away at each other until one of them wins. yes.  So do go extra steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x

Monday, 25 May 2015

Publishing Mundee

Wonka here.  YES folks, she has only gone and uploaded the new story - without a hitch in sight.  usually, I am poised, POISED to rush upstairs and under the bed folks, the minute I hear Owner say  I THINK I'LL............... but, instead, the thing I had to rush away from was the monster.  why oh why did Owner take it upon herself to clean up on a Bank holidee folks? eh? EH?  But the story folks.....
I LOVE IT!x

Small interlude for a good cartoon para:


Publish it yourself if no agent in sight para:  You recall Owner's several attempts to find a nice agent (hallo nice agents!) who might like us enough to say WE LIKE YOU....well until one of them does say that, Owner is busy self-publishing her stories..........and as you know she has told lots of them now.  This latest one (Conversations with Wonka part five) is the 17th story!! and it is on this link:   https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/545435

As per, I am the one keeping Owner on task to use that new and very annoying saying............I love it too. x

Publishing political update.  this good morn Owner took it upon herself to change radio stations.  that was until she found there was not much on offer except squiggly noises...........kguusdyfk,jf like that, bursts of odd music JFGKHFLJ like that OR, an interview with John Prescott who is a Lord now, we think on good radio 4. DID HE SHED ANY LIGHT? I goes up to Owner....it seems, he had lots to say without saying anything, she reports up.  WE KNOW Labour lost the election, TICK, we know the party need to change TICK, and finally, we know he is throwing his weight behind Andy.  What we really want, goes Owner, is an honest down to earth Politician who makes a stand and stays on it.  End of. x

Final publish it ahoy para.  We are totally muddled as to what day it is now and only just now Owner goes OH IT IS MUNDEE Wonka.  I mean the difference is?...... Gingertop still popped in this morning and Ruggles still popped out.  Bertie Bubb is still in the Narnia cupboard and I am still checking on the whole lot of them.  Tonight, there is so much on, I pray Owner can stay awake to watch it all.  THE LIVE SEMIs for a start off where all those happy go lucky entertaining folk from Brits got packloads of talent show off their stuff to get into the LIVE FINAL...come on! and then it is Corrie.  Really Wonka, goes Owner coming out of her trance (see what I have to live with folks..... sorry Owner!!) we need this every week.  If it means you being happy and laughing Owner, I can only agree.  Now do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x  PS Owner has just realised there is a downside to Bank Holidee Mundee OH YES I says full of interest it being bang on my tea time..... THEY HAVE MOVED EGGHEADS so now she has missed her fave quiz show. I rest my paws and everything.x

!! BANK HOLIDEE EXTRA !!

Wonka here:  very proud to announce that Owner has just self published BOOK 17 in the Wonka Stories and it is:
 
Conversations with Wonka - Part five....
 
 
 
See you all later! Big Love Wonka x
 
 

Sunday, 24 May 2015

Lazee Sundee

Wonka here.  What Ho Folks all out there reading the Sundee papers, watching a load of all tripe on the telly (sorry Tripe!) OR doing my fave thing of all and that's zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz OH!  we love it.x

Fresh incredibly lazee para.  Has Owner picked up and got on with things you all whisper up?  NOT A BIT OF IT.  Aside from grabbing Bertie bubb out of his best Narnia cupboard lair to give him a wash and brush up (I thought the cat police would be round to see what the fuss was about.) and a quick dash to the maze like supermarket that is top of her I HATE THAT SHOP list - aside from these short burst of activity, there is de rien to report up.  EXCEPT we have two new films after careful inspection (with her glasses on)..  there will be a report and a star rating as per. x

zzzzzzzzzzz OH para.  Ruggles did come home last night after causing Owner A LOT of anxiety and soul searching (why did I let him out, where has he gone he never goes far, was he listening to our holidee plans and arrangement so on and so forth.)  all these deep questions are for NAUGHT because he trips traps home as if it was all a dream. THEN he is treated like the prodigal son and me?  thanks for asking, good as gold me all day long and not a thank you for it.  (sorry Owner! I forgot myself!x).  so here follows a gentle cartoon depicting Ruggles being lazee out back:

 
 
There he is! settled on the towels and covers on the good bench out back, with the plants and the washing on the line to keep him company. He's a lad.  I quite like him. x
 
Political update: we haven't said anything much lately but here it comes.  That old Labourite John Prescott (and this is not our headline it is whisked from The Guardian folks) has 'thrown his weight' behind Andy Pandy who is one of the chaps in the leadership contest. yes.  We still like Yvette and we are, at the minute. throwing our weight behind her.  We love Ed Balls her hubbie and he is not in politics anymore; he lost out to a lightweight (like this new word) lady in blue who looked dead happy but time will tell.  We love it. x
 
Final naps and siestas rule para.  We watched some of the Eurovision and Sweden won it (hallo Swedes!) with a half decent song.  Owner wanted an early night AND to read her new best book all about the battles of York and Lancaster zzzzzzzzzzz OH! so we missed the bit where our little old Isle came fifth from bottom.  We have caught up with Brits got some talent and it is on all next week PLUS a nightly episode of Corrie with Tracee wreaking (?) her revenge on just about everyone.  We cannot wait.  tonight we may cluster round the new drama all about magic if Owner can stay up that late.  it is Jonathon Strange and somebody else and we love it.  Now do keep your eyes open and go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x


Saturday, 23 May 2015

Eurovision Satdee

Wonka here.  Here it is again folks out there all probably thinking WE NEVER WIN IT unless you are  #Conchita from #Austria in which case you can shout WE WON IT LAST YEAR!! and here is our little cartoon from last year to celebrate this win.  We loved it!x


 
 
 
There we are!!  and whether Owner moans up or no, WE SHALL GO TO THE BALL!! Mr Norton is in residence with his usual witty nonsense (sorry Graham! we did love Terry you see...he gave us the giggles).  it is also official we are not keen on our very own entry.  it has got on Owner's nerves somewhat (sorry electro thingy) but we are looking forward to hearing Sebastian who is to warble for Australia!!  We love it. x
 
Final Eurovision para.  Today, after Owner went for her weekly dip (went well, no rudeness she reports.  From her we mean) and then into town.  This was to collect an item she ordered yesterdee and was assured it will be here today.  IT WAS NOT HERE.  Were you rude to the assistant Owner, I questioned up?  A BIT, she declared back BUT, I said sorry. Hmmmm.  Then, does Owner give away her parking ticket as per, and the father and son were dead happy and the father says to Owner WHAT ARE YOU DOING TONIGHT?! which made Owner laugh and I always say this is a good start with Owner.  make her laugh and you might just get there........When she falls back in with some more concrete aka Thomas cat litter, she is cheered up and not in a mood.  Thanks be (my extra new saying.  like it.) BUT there is a fly in the ointment. OH NO, sound of klaxon and small patter on the drums.........
 
Ruggles has gone for a long walk and is not yet back.  We are on medium Ruggles alert for now. Bertie bubb has been out several times to eat and do you know what in the shared facilities.  I ask you.  Is it fair on me? eh? EH?  To keep Owner's mind off of Ruggles and distract her fully, I am suggesting whipping from Brits Got some talent to the Singing and back again.  it will go on for ever and a day and hopefully the best tune will win out.  Whoever it is.  YES Owner is now fully immersed in the Wars of the Roses and all those dukes and such like with names like Warwick and Salisbury and Neville and that, no wonder she drops off to sleep after two pages!! Now we are right in the middle of a Bank Holidee weekend folks, SO do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x

Friday, 22 May 2015

Holiday Fever Fridee

Wonka here.  Now first up did Owner think she was ill.  EITHER THAT WONKA OR I'M PLAIN TIRED OUT.  I immediately suggested (list) 1.  A nice hot drink 2. keep scrolling down until you see that nice photo that cheers you up 3.  Don't, under any circumstances watch Enders.  Did she listen Wonka? you all shout up as one.  Did she bananas.  and to cap it all, Ruggles popped out and disappeared for what seemed like days.  I checked the clock and it was two hours. I love it. x

HOLIDAY para.  and can you credit this, and I think Owner should feel ill more often.  Did she pop  into town after her morning session at a needy school (just the usual pranksters and clowns folks) and go to this old fashioned family store, where if you are a snob (like Owner) you hide the carrier bag.... NO I DID NOT she says up to me when I challenged her.  Then why Owner, was it hidden in another bag? eh? EH? anyhow, did she go in there, trot upstairs to a Dept not unlike the one in a comedy programme called Are You Being Served - and find a beauty dressing gown and three yes three jimjams.  Can you, I said, can you credit that.  And she even stopped herself being rude and talking back to the sales assistant who accused her of leaving the hangers on the stands when she should have brought them to the counter.  For the sales assistant to say NO YOU CANNOT HAVE THE HANGERS.  Said assistant spent most of the transaction (OOHH) telling Owner off and going on about what the store detective might or might not say. BUT, Owner remained silent (and deadly!) and let the assistant do it herself.  GO OWNER!!! I love it. x

Fresh and holidee like para plus cartoon.  A while ago, Owner thought we had a new shed monster, due to bowl of biscuits being licked round and cleaned up; yes that and an empty water bowl.  You know me I am prone to suspect the Vikings and their trickery but the jury folks is out............


 
There we are!  The luxury shed (spot Owner's miserable attempt to spell folks.) with the door open and there is the cat flap at the bottom - through the little window you can see Baba's ashes (hankies away!) and another bed in case the two down below are full up. and yes you can see two bowls, one for water and one for biscuits.  Will the real shed monster reveal all..................
 
 
Final in the mood for a holidee para.  We have had a nice visit from Aunty Paula who is our cat sitter and I love her, end of.  Ruggles let her give him a nice cuddle and that is good news all round, and Bertie you all shout up, what of him??  From the gloom of the Narnia cupboard he gave her the paws up folks. Now the question all of you are on the edge of your seats wanting to ask up is: has Owner started her new book/s yet?  NO.  I knew the minute she had some choice she would carry on warring it with Henry and the Percys, against York and thingy. Iis Henry with it yet? Owner tells me if he were here today, he would have been referred (and thus on a long waiting list) for talking therapy. yes. Owner says this is alright if (list) 1.  you get to see someone whilst you are still a bit off your rocker and 2. that someone is good at their job of getting you off your rocker and back on firm ground.  Tonight we must cuddle up to Enders and get this, Alfie has only gone and got a brain tumour and then guess what....NO that is not it - he has not told Cat.  Owner is glad and shouted at the screen as per, to say GO TO SPAIN AND DIE THERE ALFIE which personally I thought was going it a bit.  Now if like Owner you are a bit holidee happi, we are glad and if not, pretend you are.  Do go steady out there in the wold good folks wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x

Thursday, 21 May 2015

New Books Thursdee

Wonka here.  Owner spent one of those nights where you can't tell if you are asleep and dreaming or awake and wish you were asleep and dreaming.  yes.  Me?  thanks for asking, well I like to sleep a bit, eat a few biscuits in the nearest trough a bit, go downstairs a bit, and check on Bertie bubb a bit.  By the time all that's gone on, the next thing it the bbbbbrrrnnnggg of the good alarm.  Is it Fridee yet is the refrane and I love it. x

New books para.  Owner has been struggling with a book about......what is it about Owner?  I queried up, I mean she reads at least a page a night so she should know the title by now......I THINK IT IS THE WAR OF THE ROSES she finally comes up with.  she tells me she has been stuck in St Albans with King Henry the nghgmhh th and his knights and armoury and that, with these other knights and Dukes and such like called York and a few others on the other side ALL battling it out with horrid fighting.  Like? I goes up knowing how interested the rest of the Wold might be in hand to hand medieval fighting.  it turns out they are all inside this heavy old armour which cannot save them from arrows or tiny daggers OR blinking great sledgehammer type weapons.  WHO, I says up, IS WINNING? She thinks that York has the upper hand over poor Henry who seemed to go a bit mad, come back to life, only to get pinned to the ground by an arrow and then saved for .....FOR? I had to prompt Owner up as she went into a dream (she did!!!) - saved says Owner to be paraded round the streets of London, like a muppet I mean puppet King.  So you can see good folks out there all maybe rushing to the bookshop for this book that Owner does need to move on reading wise.....x

Here they are para!  Just when you thought it was all over for Owner and she is doomed to re read the same battle scene over and over hearing the cries and screams of the felled knights never mind the horses and the screech of the name of whoever they were on the side of, two new books have arrived.  This is the first one up:
 
There we are!  and the interesting thing is, it doesn't look like we thought it would! NO, it is all white with a tiny bit of New York down the bottom.  And if it isn't New York, we are sorry.  The Daily Mail calls it 'A total Triumph' and despite that we know we will love it.  And, The Independent (more reliable) calls Marion a 'born storyteller' so there.  Thanks Marion for writing another book, it seems ages. x
 
New Books ahoy para.  Owner's good hair rescuer aside from giving Owner a beauty hairdo recommended a book.  As we all know, hairdressers know all there is to know, end of.  it was immediately ordered and blow me down does it arrive with Marion's book!! Owner says she can finally say good night to all those battles and brave Kings and that not to mention Margaret the Queen who is a bit of a looker and saddled with a poorly King, no.  What are the odds though, now that Owner has a choice of read, she goes to the bitter end of the wars book? eh? EH? x
 
Final books galore para.  The sun came out today PLUS it went a tad warmer.  Owner knows this because she went down to North Bay with someone she has met on the revolving circuit that is known as her zero contract.  WE HAD COFFEE AND CAKE says Owner, and, a view of several builders standing around not doing anything.  We all know this is what builders do.  there is a lot of this and then suddenly they all bunch together and put a pane of glass in a massive frame.  Now Bertie bubb is still ensconced (like it) in the Narnia Cupboard and survived being washed and brushed. Nearly.  Ruggles has slept atop the linen basket and basked on the top step only moving when Gingertop sprang into the yard. Owner went for a slumber on my giant nest aka the settee until I gently reminded her it was nigh on teatime. OH!  so a lot of sleeping this afternoon and we do love it! Siestas Are Us! tonight I have already warned Owner is the Soap Awards, so we must cuddle up to that and the storylines that they cough up for us.  We love them.  the weekend is ever nearer good folks so do go steady out there in the Wold wherever you are in it.   Big love Wonka x
 
 
 


Wednesday, 20 May 2015

Don't Call Me Wednesdee

Wonka here.  As Owner keeps droning on about Mercury going backwards (sound familiar? eh? EH?) and communications all up the swanny river WELL IT IS TRUE good folks out there all possibly having hard going conversations with people who treat you like you are a spy or a double agent or detective trying to find out their deepest darkest secret AND NOT just a simple enquiry...(sorry all private eyes in the Wold just doing your job and probably being treated with respect. yes).
What! you all shout up, has brought this tirade on! (good use of word.)  I shall tell you. x

Brief interlude and call me Wonka para.  Owner as you know gets tired now and then alright every day with being on the scrap heap and not having a proper job.  These zero hours have got a lot of attention folks and it is due to them being a load of rubbish.  yes.  anyhow, does she suddenly get interested in her plight (OOH) and say to me WONKA, I may just ring up so and so and see if they need anyone as talented and skilful as me..... a year later when she finds the phone number she rings them up and.........WHO ARE YOU?  WHY ARE YOU RINGING US?  YOU NEED TO SPEAK TO YOUR LEADER and so on and so forth.  I thought, said Owner when she prised herself away from the bad phone call, I thought I was a spy for NASA.  It turned out, after Owner insisted on speaking to someone who could help her ( and not the one who interrogated her after Hello) not only did she not help her even more, she tells Owner the other one was the manager.  OH says Owner, if only she had introduced herself.  BUT Owner, I says up by way of consolation, that would have taken manners! End of.

Small don't call me ever para with a cartoon to make us feel more the ticket. x


There we are!  clinging onto the hope that we are not the only ones left with some telephone skills!  I love it. x
 
Final call me anytime Para.  the rest of the day passed off alright as if to make up for the bit that wasn't.  Owner rolls back in from her spot of invigilating and topping that off with a meeting at aged sibling in a surprisingly upbeat mood.  AND no shopping in sight.  I CAN MANAGE WITHOUT CHOCOLATE she drones to me, and I says as long as my biscuits troughs are filled to bursting I CAN MANAGE TOO!
 
Even more good news due to  A GOOD PHONE CALL - yes Owner is booked tmro and Fridee morn and may have made a friend on the revolving everlasting agency work circuit.  I mean, even I am full of admiration for Owner actually being nice to someone.....ONLY JOKING! and to round it all off Owner discovered it is half term next week so she can sink into a complete wall to wall dream! I love it. x
 
SMALL KLAXON to announce a weensy bit of political news and it is that nice Tristram Hunt who we did like and would have backed him yes, well he is NOT now standing for leader BUT backing.......and that was the bit we missed as we were too far from the radio to hear it.  In which case we are back to that nice Yvette for now.  Bubster has been sighted bolting down a cartload of Sheba and has had a nice cuddle in the Narnia cupboard without Owner banging her head on anything.  Rugglesis went a bit frolicy in the narrow confines (like it) of the kitchen and banged slightly SLIGHTLY on the cupboard door to the sink so Owner had to spend 5 minutes checking he was alright and not unconscious.  yes.   Tonight we must zone out to Corrie X 1 and the evil antics of Tonee and Tracee, and wonder when Anna will go mad at Sally.  Now do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x
 


Tuesday, 19 May 2015

Tough Tuesdee

Wonka here.  Owner says it's time to stop being nice and keep saying yes to everything (?) and instead, say NO, and get tough.  What I said, do you mean tough love Owner?  YES , she says back to me, I do.  personally that is my very raison d'etre (ooh I say, and bonjour any one out there from France and if you're not pardon!) and I practise it daily - on Bubster, and Ruggles when I get a look in.  Does it include, I ventured (haven't said that in yonks) mouthing at fellow drivers, but she was busy putting the shopping away and may not have heard me.  I love it.

Tough para.  it started early doors when the phone went BBBRRRRRNNNGG and instead of agreeing to drive miles in the pouring rain which may have turned to sleet to a school that is bottom of her shall I go to list, she says NO.  I may have to raid the wishing well at this rate folks as how close are we to starvedom and no rescue in sight as yet.  Whilst Owner is busy trusting in the fates and stars (good Russell Grant we do love him) and the occasional strange email from Tara a raging psychic (we cannot get rid of her - we have tried to unsubscribe and it just won't have it. We have grown fond of her over the years though.) I am more practical and like to rely on earnings.  Yes.  sufficient unto the day! shouts Owner as she turns up the heating and ignores the latest email for a real reading.  I rest my paws and everything. x

Tough on meter readings para and cartoon:

 
There we are!  all roasting hot and it's costing us a fortune - GET EVEN DIE IN DEBT is the latest catchphrase in this house! I love it x
 
Tough as you like political update.  Ms Cooper who is in the race to be top leader of Ed's old party, is busy making comments like how we need to be more business like or something very like it. (sorry Yvette if that is miles out).  They keep on going on about how people didn't vote for Ed because of this or that or the other.  I reckon it is simply that they all voted for Dave because they are raging right wing nutters!  there I've said it.  (sorry if you are a raging right wing nutter.x)
 
Final how tough are you para.  We know it is May but it has a feel of April about it, and this is due to rain, sun, more rain, possibly a rainbow in between, going to sleet, bit of wind and then back to the start.  Today is hair rescue day folks and I promise you this, Owner will not know what she wants doing with it.  She only likes it when she looks at old photos years later and is surprised how lovely she looked.  End of.   In Enders last night they found Dotty Dot guilty of manslaughter which just warns you not to confess to anything or be near to anyone who is dying.  They will have you.  Owner says she has been found guilty because she was 'guilty'.  I don't want an explanation of that and neither do you folks.  BUT on the upside, Evil Deano is not little babitty Oliver's daddy, it is Mick, saints be.  Tonight there is more of the same, and who knows if Sheba or a name very like that will finally tell Deano there is a child after all. If we can stand it, there is good Holbee and that nice new CEO who is getting on the wick of the old one.  We love him.  Now do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  big Love Wonka x


Monday, 18 May 2015

Uneasy Mundee

Wonka here.  Home is the hunter home from the hill and Home is the Owner home from the school (Owner says no one reads this old diary anyway so not to worry over misquoting famous poetry.  yes).  the minute she sets foot back home with a sack load of concrete aka litter and not a non essential in sight I knew something was up.  WHAT IS UP OWNER ? I goes... and straight back she says Mercury is in retrograde Wonka.  End of.

Fresh and uneasy para.  so what is all this being uneasy lark, you all wake up and say to me? eh? EH? the other thing Owner reports is (quote.  again) a distinct feeling of something is wrong, I feel uneasy, she says to me.  Personally I never have a minute's worry or anxious moment as I prefer to just get on with things and not make a fuss. BUT with it being a touch too close to tea time to let that uneasy feeling go by unnoticed, I did say to Owner WAS IT ANYTHING IN PARTICULAR? It must have been the school and the exam conditions. she finally comes up with.  It turns out she was pacing up and down for an hour and a half with a load of other pacers to make sure all these year elevens were  doing their exam nicely and not reading a load of answers up their sleeves.  No wonder, I says up, no wonder you are on edge Owner, a whole hour and a half of it.  I mean I bet her whole life flashed by in that time, and that's no good to anyone!  After a builder's tea and a hot cross bun which always taste nicer the minute Easter is out of the way she is back on alrightish setting.  I love it. x

Uneasy but not for long para and cartoon break.  Gingertop has adopted us and that is official folks.  He she or it, pays us a call every day and bounds from the step up to the kitchen ledge just like Mr Beaujangles used to.  We miss him, and having Gingertop there is nice for Owner.

 
 
There we are! He she or it perched on the ledge and turned down a bowl of best good as it looks.  Just came to say hello and we love it. x
 
Final uneasy para.  Will this film never end moans Owner to me.  It is the last of the three films and it has been going on forever. I have fallen asleep zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz OH! several times now and each time I wake up it is still on.  Owner doesn't understand it and neither do I.  it says on the side it is 'an instant classic' from the Daily Star..........I did say to Owner that since the election (there I have mentioned it) that the papers specially the easy to read ones, are not to be trusted but she wasn't listening above remembering to turn the taps off over the bath (tick).  So today has gone by in an uneasy fog really and Bertie has joined in by acting out of character and coming downstairs when he could stay upstairs.  Ruggles has defied Mercury going backwards and stayed true to form and I love him.  It could mean weeks of poor communications droned Owner to me, and I did say will I notice the difference but in a tiny whisper from behind the door.
 
Tonight we are stuck like glue to Enders for a change to hear up (list) 1.  If Dotty Dot is guilty of murdering her evil son Nick and 2.  is Mick the daddy?  and that is enough to keep Owner far from uneasy setting that plus corrie X 2 and more antics from Tracee and her amour who is two timing Liz! Tomorrow must take care of itself and with any luck that film will be over by then (oh alright it is Interstellar and I bet everyone else on the planet loves it but us).  Now do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x


Sunday, 17 May 2015

Save it Sundee

Wonka here.  Just a small weather report to cheer you all up good folks possibly laying on a beach in the searing hot sunnyshine, possibly having a paddle to cool yourself down - wearing something light and summery, wriggling those toes in the sand! OH because it is freezing here and we are still (list) 1.  wearing jumpers.  well Owner is, luckily I have my fur to keep me warm, that, and the searing hot rad (I realise I have used that word twice now but I don't care. not a bit of it.) 2. wearing socks, well Owner is and once more I can rely on furry feet.  and paws. 3.  The heating. I daren't dwell on this overmuch because the bill is going to be more than - just more than. Mustn't dwell. 4.  keeping the oven on long after Owner's tea is cooked.   All these add up to a lifestyle that Owner is not earning enough to keep, BUT we are happy ish and warmish.  and I tell you now folks, a cold Owner is an Owner to avoid.  No question.  I love it. x

Save it para.  Who or what is being saved you all gasp up wondering and such like.  Owner is still in a fairly chirpy ( I like it as it sounds bird like. yes) setting and trots upstairs to do a bit of scanning and would you believe it started to write a new story whilst up there.  UNTIL.....I can't believe I just did that Wonka she cries up....naturally I was nearby as I like to keep a close check on all family members, you never know when it might change and I want to be there when it does.... DID WHAT? I said full of sympathy and that it being near enough to snack time.  It turns out good folks, that instead of saving the new page of her new story, she didn't.  Instead she saved something else that didn't need saving.  OH,  I said up, ready to dash downstairs and hide in that dark corner by the giant nest aka settee.  But get this folks, instead of a full on breakdown washed down with tea and chocolate, she simply re wrote it.  yes.  I rather think Wonka, she tells me up, it is better the second time around.  I love it. x

Save it some more para.  Now yesterdee Owner did one of her miracle parks in the space that all other cars were avoiding, swerving away from it when their drivers said WHAT ABOUT THIS SPACE?  and here is our cartoon, of the car with no name, slotted in it.

 
There we are! snug as you like and still enough room for Owner to come round the side of it. I loved it.x
 
Small political update in case.  Owner thinks she heard a couple of headlines from the good radio, all yammering on about the EEYEW.  yet another big debate folks and the non leaders of the Labour party are all for having the referendum and GETTING ON WITH IT.  This sounds misleading Wonka, explained Owner to me, and I was listening folks I really was, in between asking for more of those nice biscuits that will make my coat shine -  yes it turns out they want it to happen but they do NOT want to withdraw from the EEYEW. righto! I says up, showing a great deal of understanding as only I know how.  More tomorrow folks , and we did hear a tiny mention of Old nick's party and how they will have to REBUILD IT. I love it. x
 
Save yourself now and final para.  It has been a gentle sort of a day here with only a couple of glitches and we did love watching the Money Pit for the xnxcvhn th time.  We love Mr Hanks and we love Shelley Long.  End of.  tonight all there is to cling to is a new drama that all are trying hard to explain and sell to us.  It is a magical tale and we will give it a try me and Owner, yes.  And yes do not fear the Bubster is sleeping for ingerland and Ruggles is doing a fair impression on the step.Now the good week is upon us and who knows what it will cough up, eh? eH? So do go steady good folks out there in the Wold wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x.
 
 
 


Saturday, 16 May 2015

Hyacinth Satdee

Wonka here.  Owner trundles back in, after what seemed like hours parking up; I observed this, good folks, from my vantage point (like it) on the front room bay window, windy sill. YES I knocked Maximillian snow leopard over trotting from side to side BUT, ooooH I goes up as Owner backs slowly into the car behind and aaaH when she misses it by a cigarette paper  and WELL DONE Owner when after a thousand manoeuvres (help me) she is wedged nicely in between an old crock at the back and a thrify rental van in front.  Ten minutes later, the thrifty van moves off but how were we supposed to know that eh? EH?  Congratulations Owner! I says straight away after she had hauled in all the shopping, for parking up.  WHAT IS THAT NICE SMELL she gasps up, as she enters the dining room......

Fresh and Hyacinth smelly para and photoshoot: I mean Owner is used to the smell of the cat biscuits, things drying off on the searing hot rads, dying daffodils and wotnot so it came as a surprise to sniff in the glorious scent of the pink hyacinths and here there are folks!
 
There we are!  they keep on flowering and seem to like it on the table, and so far I have not been near them and that folks is because Owner has kindly grown me some cat grass and brought it in for me.  YES I have been eating it, and YES it is working a treat.  I woke Owner up first thing by having a little clear out..... I love it. x
 
 
Final hycacinth para with no mention of politics at all whatsoever, never, no.  Owner has had a passable day with no really horrid things in it.  She has decided there is a new rule though.  OH YES, I says showing more than a little interest as it was cuddling up to my tea time.  She reckons, that the time before when you thought you looked ugly and fat OR you wished things were different because you didn't like them the way they were......well they should hang on until the real fat and ugly day turns up! OR the real thing you can't cope with does too.  End of.  that Owner, I says (to show I was listening) is quite deep for a Satdee.  It's quite deep FULLSTOP she goes back to me!
 
Bertie Bubb has shifted back upstairs to the Land of wardrobe.  We cannot know why and Owner wondered up if he had some rare disease.  Like?  I goes in that new and annoying way...I don't know I just wonder Wonka, Owner says back.  I know.  Ruggles has been out back and on the green bin.  There you are! says Owner as she is busy on her watering rounds.  We now have some new geraniums for me to look at, out front and I love them. Tonight we will be mustered round Brits got some talent and whether Mr Walliams will press his gold buzzer or no, and then, saints be (love it) it is Charlie Nursey and Connie who he saved from jail, in Casualtee.  Bliss folks pure bliss.  Now do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  Big love Wonka x

Friday, 15 May 2015

Man down Fridee

Wonka here.  NO it is not Nigel who said he was resigning from VIKIP and going on holidee then saying OH NO I am staying on as your leader after all AND never mind the campaign to topple him NO it is not Nige who is down, but Chuka thingy.  He has stepped down from the race to be our leader of good labour.  HOWCOME you all shout up to me, what has made him pack it in? eh? EH? the horrid and beastly press has folks!!  according, oh! to the press, he feels hounded, his girlfriend feels hounded and worst news (if it is true...) of all, his very very very old grandma feels hounded.   End of.  Who does this leave you all wonder up?  Three women, at least one man and here's who we are now rooting for, for his name alone.  Tristram.  With a name like that he deserves to win it outright.  We love him x (sorry Yvette we thought it was you yesterdee).

Fresh man down para.  Who else is down then?  Has Owner knocked anyone out you all gasp up and say?  Thankfully, she has been fairly good all day, a tiny bit of housework that didn't include the monster, a tiny bit of writing (tick) and sketching (tick) and blow me down if she hasn't got a bit of work lined up for next week.(massive tick)... so Chuka might be out of sorts but Owner is ready to rock!

Man down para and little old cartoon.  Was it only yesterdee that Owner whipped a text off to complain to good Radio 2 about their CONSTANT REPORTING of the recent election and YES it was.  She reckoned (quote) it was skewed (what a word I am in awe of myself) towards the dread Dave and his outfit.  I know.  That's the man we want to see down and out folks! (sorry Dave it is not personal - perhaps that's where Chuka took a wrong turn?? just saying like)


 
There we are! and there is Owner hammering out a text.  Soon be over................x
 
Final man down para.  Whatever else you are all doing out there on your bigger Islands and such like do not, ever, never never never, buy or watch or rent a film called: Predestination.  Owner insisted on watching it all the way through even though after ten minutes she goes: THIS IS GETTING ON MY NERVES Wonka.  personally I would have ejected it there and then and chosen a nice one, that Jane Eyre I mean we know the story it is terrific and that Mr Rochester etc and so on....but no! instead I had to put up with Owner moaning up and fidgeting through it.  We still don't know what it was about either.  End of.   in other news we are banning Bertie Bubb from eating my good as it looks, because it does NOT suit his digestive system.  Not.  Now Ruggles, he is like a frisky kitten (according to Owner and I am not disagreeing not today) popping out back and laying on the bin and then popping back in for a snackster.  I did say go easy on those expensive biscuits Owner but she didn't hear me above tipping a load into a saucer for him.  I am letting her off though because she had gone to the trouble of buying me a treat.  Now I don't like it (them. they are these weird miniscule biscuits to sprinkle on your food. NO!) but have a mentioned it?  Not on you nelly!
 
Later when we are cuddled up to Corrie X 2 and possibly Enders x I only to check that Cat and Alfie really are leaving and taking Staycee with them, I may mention it then. Bertie loves them and so does Rug.  Now the weekend is finally here and not a politician in sight, well maybe a lone one from old Nick's party, so do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  big Love Wonka x

Thursday, 14 May 2015

Family Thursdee

Wonka here.  What ho folks out there all possibly having a nice day with their families OR trying to get away from them OR have one.  Whichever it is, something epic has happened for Owner, and for the first time in her family history has the entire little family sat down together for a fish and chip lunch.  Did it go off alright you all shout up to me as one.  YES.  and Owner's daughter and grandson came back just so I could have a tummy tickle and be mooned over HE IS BACK UP TO FIGHTING WEIGHT goes my aunty.  I was very proud although you know me I didn't show it.....  I love it!x

Familyfied para.  I had a slight problem parking Wonka, she droned to me after all had gone back to their lairs aka homes.  OH YES I said full of interest as it was edging closer to tea time.  First up it turns out she was so focussed on getting to the venue she forgot to feed the machine.  OH she goes to aged sibling, WE MUST TURN BACK and tend to the greedy meter.  Then Wonka, she continued on, I fed it with three one pound coins and it accepted one and spat the other two out.  Then what? I said to show I was still awake....THEN I fed it with five pees and it accepted up to £2.20 before it stalled and would not accept any more. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz OH! Finally, Owner fed it with a mixture of the one pound it liked, a load of twenty pees and topped it up with some of the little five pees.  All this took ages, and daughter was texting to say WHERE ARE YOU?  Finally, the greedy machine burped up a printed ticket.  I know. x

Family para and cartoon interlude.  Once upon a time as you know folks, Ruggles was on the outside looking in..............


 
 
There we are!  Ruggles is now part of the family and very much on the inside.  Who would have thought it, eh? EH? we love it. x
 
 
Brief political update.  Owner went mad this morning at the good Radio and sent in a text.  You haven't Owner I warned up.  I HAVE she said, and hopefully they took it in good part especially the bit about the right wing press.  yes.  in other news, that nice Yvette Cooper who is married to the nice Mr Balls is standing for leadership of that good old Labour party.  Now that Ed is gone, someone must take the helm and we have our eye on a woman.  ~we love it. x
 
Final familyfied para.  A week is a long time in politics and it is a long time in this house when all is changing so fast.  Will Owner get more work is the burning question and will we be saved from starvedom? The main thing is, she is on family setting for now and sees today as the foundation of many more such meetings.  WE ARE NOT USED TO BEING A HAPPY FAMILY she goes up to me.  Personally, I can't see what all the fuss is about, as I am sugar dandy on my own with just Bertie Bubb to keep in check and Ruggles to stare at occasionally or play pat a paw under the door with.  Now tonight if Owner can stay level, is more Enders and more wicked Dean and the babe that may be his.  Have Cat and Alfie emigrated yet? we hope so. So, apart from Owner suddenly seeing her hair colour as orange when all along she thought it was dark blonde, all is well in this house.  Do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x

Wednesday, 13 May 2015

Tables Turn Wednesdee

Wonka here.  It had to happen folks and it has.  BBBBBRRRRRNNNGGGG!! Alright! I hear Owner go, and I'M NOT QUITE READY..... this folks meant 1.  I cannot step outside the front door without some disguise aka make up. 2.  My hair though has gone alright.  Saints be (my new catch phrase and I love it) 3. As long as I don't change my mind half way up the stairs about my school outfit, I will get to said school on time.  end of.  And Yes folks! I love it.

Tables turn para.  There is a glimmer of light and although Owner has been on very low setting due to Dave and his outfit, the complete and utter lack of any hours on her zero hours contract, and the weather not being warm enough for May - despite all of this, she is back on track and talking about holidays (Fab Four) our new book - Conversations with Wonka part Five, and the big Fish and Chip outing for tmro.  WHAT? you all cry up in unison, is this?? Eh? EH??  it has been in the planning for the last few weeks, and means that the entire family will assemble (like it) at Wackers chippie in town.  it may mean a slight headache in the doing of it, like collecting aged sibling and meeting aged parent off the bus and then daughter and grandson BUT she has high hopes of a historic lunch!  x

Brief interlude for a cartoon all about the last few days.....................
 
There we are! Nestled up to the good tv BUT had enoughski of all the news about 'the thing we mustn't mention for fear of Owner throwing something heavy at the screen'.  If it comes on the radio or she hears Dave's voice, it is turned off pronto.  Did you mention it when you met the staff at the school I went up, very cautiously for me, it being smack on afternoon snack time.  YES.  she reports she did say something and found out THEY FEEL LIKE ME Wonka.  Only five more years of this folks..............x
 
 
Final turning tables para.  Has Linda off of Enders had the babe you all want to know never mind how me and Owner are... yes, she managed to have a baby boy and now all want to know is it good Mick's or evil Dean's child; Staycee may have gone on holidee but Cat is still around but talking of moving to Spain and yes, Owner cheered that one on.  Tonight, we can relax in the knowledge that someone still wants Owner for something. That, plus she learnt about radio waves in Science. Yes. 
 
How is Bertie these days you all wonder up? he has started ignoring his best and very expensive Sheba for the more economical (get me) good as you like. and yes, he is still in the Narnia cupboard. Ruggles has forgotten all about being a happy wanderer and just about goes as far as round the side of the gate now and gingertop has paid a few visits.  Tonight we must relax in readiness for the big lunch tomorrow which means phone calls. lifts and meeting people at Wackers.  yes it really is called that.  Me?  thanks for asking, I intend to grab some well earned zzzzzzzzzzz and keep an eye on those non essentials Owner keeps dragging through the door.  I have put a ban on buying anymore pyjamas as they are making them for strange looking people with snake hips and miniscule waists OR shop dummies; they are not making them to sleep in.  Corrie X 1 awaits us, and we have news that a singer is to be in it as an Actor now.  His name is Shayne and we already love him.  Now do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x

Tuesday, 12 May 2015

Teddy Tuesdee

Wonka here.  Who is this Teddy you all moan up, and is it like Bagpuss from yesterdee?  YES, Owner has moved from feeling hung up like Bagpuss to the other hanging bear and this is Teddy rucksack............
 
 
There we are!  it is Owner's old bag called Teddy rucksack.  he is hanging up now on a cupboard door and although he looks sad.....he is a happy old ted.  Someone, droned Owner, once said to me that his name wasn't very original!  But it's his name!  He bobbed along on Owner's back for many a year until it was time to move on to another bag, and herein lies the moral of this teddybear story folks....it is time for Owner to MOVE ON.  We must set ourselves straight Wonka, she told me, and GET ON WITH IT.  personally, I've always been an upright sort of a cat, and I do have a busy old schedule as you know.  But, I am nothing if not supportive, and I am prepared to work even harder if it cheers Owner on!  I love her. x
 
 
Tiny, near on invisible political update.  We have been following a lively cartoon folks in that bigger Isle, called Australia (hallo Aussies!) it is run by a Moon Dog but that didn't put me off.  Moon dog is very funny, near on as witty as me some days, and Owner thinks he would make mincemeat of our sorry old set up.  IF I HEAR DAVE'S NAME one more time she moans up, and flung the radio off.  he is even now putting together a mammoth cabinet or was it a wardrobe, oh no that's Bertie's territory and it contains just about every fruit and nutcase in the party (says Owner, and sorry if you are in it.)  We can look forward to months of rubbish news and Owner shouting at the radio.  End of.
 
 
Final teddy bear final para.  Today passed by in a dream with Owner plotting the rest of her life and me getting some well earned zzzzzzzzzzz OH.  Ruggles has had a small sunbathe, and small due to the lack of sunshine folks, and Bertie has set up in the Narnia cupboard as probably it saves him on the stairs.  The plants have all survived so far, the sudden arrival here and the immediate repotting from owner.  Yes. Why?  I questioned up to Owner, are we watching this strange quiz show with a woman asking someone to count snowflakes? John Craven is in it has he been sacked from Countryfile I asked up, and it is called Beat the Brain (sorry if you like it. ) it has a clock thing countdown that makes my heart race and that can't be a good thing.  Now tonight there is Enders and Mick has stomped off in a rage and left thingy at the bottom of the stairs she fell down, ready to have that baby.  Will anyone find her?  Owner says she may watch it.  and then folks it is all eyes on Holbee now that nice chief of the entire hospital is back.  We love him.  Now do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x

Monday, 11 May 2015

Don't Care Mundee

Wonka here.  Yes I know, whatever has happened to Owner but everything now is I CANNOT BE BOTHERED Wonka.  I have rolled on the luxury carpet, looking at my most adorable folks, and begging for a tummy tickle (my all time fave) to lighten her up.  Have I won out? eh? EH? not a bit of it.  I feel sad, she moans up, and forgotten about...like Bagpuss hanging on the door handle there.

And here is Bagpuss, and he does hang on the door and we do still love him even if we don't say very often................

 
There we are! and Bagpuss was a leaving present when Owner left one of the many jobs she has had in her long and sorry career.  Just because no one from that agency is ringing you up Owner doesn't take away from all your talents I said up (It was cuddling up to snack time).  I KNOW, she goes back, giving me a giant tummy tickle.  I love it. x
 
 
Brief and not bothered overmuch final para.  I had to take Owner to task when she tried to hide the latest purchase from me.  What made you think, Owner, I said up (admittedly from behind the kitchen door which was shut) that these would fit you, look nice, and be cheap at half the price?? The other items have been flung on a shelf as 'alright'.  Lots of non essentials folks can only mean one thing, YES, Owner is on the lowest setting there is.  Is there any good news you all wonder up, reaching for the whisky bottle or vino or whatever your tipple is?  There is folks!  The bank came up trumps with a query just when Owner thought it wouldn't.  Saints be praised she said to the nice customer services lady.  And the other good news is that the fab four reunion is edging closer.  She had a long and happy call all about it.  I am looking forward to it too, Yes.
 
Tonight we will cling onto Corrie x 2, and Killum is angry still with Sarah Loo and bruv Dave, whilst Gail their mother newly wed to Les Dennis I mean Michael has gone very philosophical (I know)and wise.  There is Enders which can only rub Owner up the wrong way but when did she listen to me folks.... Bertie Bubb for some reason is still in the Narnia cupboard and he may have simply forgotten there is another land upstairs.  Ruggles is splayed out on the top step and in feline heaven we think.  Me? thanks for asking, just keeping everyone in check and grabbing a bit of fodder and zzzzzzzzzzz along the way.  Do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x

Sunday, 10 May 2015

Green Sundee

Wonka here.  NO we are not talking politics....much anyway.  When I say green I am talking about OUT BACK.  seeing as it finally stopped 1.  raining or drizzling or mizzling or both.and  2.  the sunnyshine came out 3. I am suggesting anything to take Owner's mind off that horrid sideshow that all are going on about.  Far from being over folks, we think it is just beginning and if Owner has signed one petition she's signed a whole packload of them only breaking off to feed us, us and feed us some more.  I love it.

Green is green for GO and for Gardening!  cartoon to show just how much we love it WHEN IT STOPS RAINING....
 
There we are!  looking out back and there is Rugglesis huddling in the good kennel just like Baba before him (hankies away folks!).  There is lots to do outside when it does stop......x
 
Final green para.  Today has swept by in a torrent of gardening folks.  What she spent on, quite frankly a bunch of weeds with flowers on, could have sorted me Bubb and Rugster out for a couple of days of  good feeding not to mention the facilities.  No.  PINKS, Wonka she shouts at me through the good double glazing, so now folks instead of a low range of mottled geraniums that I could nicely see over to spy on the back yard from the sideboard, now I have a bunch of Pinks all peeking at me from a bright turquoise window box.  If I can manage to see round it without jarring my neck, I can just make out half of a bench with a massive green plant pot on it, and at the other end, a multi coloured windmill whizzing round.  No wonder I mouthed through the glass, NO WONDER RUG IS ON THE BLUE BIN!  but she didn't hear me above shovelling that bulb fibre in pots and jamming the next scary weed into it.  CLEMATIS she shouts to me.  Well I'm sure he does whoever Clem is, but seriously folks, if it makes her happy what can I do? eh? EH?
 
Real finally green para.  small political update on Owner's behalf.  the Greens have one seat in our massive parliament and then VIKIP have another.  Wierdly, says Owner, they won this seat in Clacton and I used to live there.  Well I goes, it saves you moving out, that you're not! so that's 2 seats to challenge Dave's 300 and whatsit. Not to forget nice Nicola who will be riding on down from sconny botland  with her band of sconnies.  We could be in for some fun and games Owners I says up, trying to look on the bright side.  it's hard though when all she can think of is 1. Dave and his outfit 2. being on the scrap heap 3. whether to change her hair colour or not.  See what I have to live with folks? Now tonight if I can drag Owner away from the back yard and all those weeds (she is prone to tinkering.  and the weeds don't like it.  they might look dead and dying but all sorts are happening underneath.  yes) - we will cuddle up to the BAFTA awards so she can shout at the winners if she doesn't agree.  Yes.  Now with Mundee just around the corner, I beg all of you to go steady out there in the Wold good folks, wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x
 


Saturday, 9 May 2015

All for One Satdee

Wonka here.  Has she stopped going on about it all yet? eh? EH?  Not on your nellies! She has only just got started - I am in for weeks of moaning up about Dave and his merry outfit and all I can say is, if you were fool enough to vote for him, don't tell Owner!  We don't love him!

Fresh all for one para.  In an attempt to stop Owner from months of boring analysis (get me) I have put a plan in motion. It consists of steering her away from any political reading, listening to the news or seeing it or both, OH I am doing a list now and I didn't mean to. 3.  going on facebook and losing even more 'friends'.  So far in, my plan has come to naught.  When she fell back in from the usual swim shop and double whammy visit, she was armed with a Satdee paper.  YOU NEVER BUY IT ON A SATDEE I did raise my voice and say to her.  Well I am now! she replied and only went and sat and read it cover to cover! AND went on facebook.  goodbye all those so called friends............
Hang on!  surely this will reveal who are the real friends from the fair weather ones.....  Owner did say (quote) I DON'T DO FRIENDSHIP LITE.  I love it x

Small all for one para.  In order to make Owner break away from all things political and return to all things cats...or at least featuring one, here is as promised the new cat on the block:

 
There we are!  It is Greycie.... OR Gracie. Or Grayson??  Just sighted once but now in our hall of fame. We love it!x
 
 
Final all for one and one for all para.  Last night my plan did succeed and Owner faded gracefully (get me) away at nineish for a peaceful night.  I did not look at Bertie bubb, or Ruggles and am giving myself a gold star for that one.  Tonight, Casualtee is making way for the VE night of celebrations on Beeb one.  if it was for anything else we would moan up, but in this case, we must remember them.  Owner reports asking aged parent what she did on VE day.  And? I went in the new and annoying way....SHE CAN'T REMEMBER said Owner, who I understand grilled, I mean questioned aged parent for a while on this.  And if we want to check in with Britain's got Talent without Owner having a debate with herself about whether it can still be called that...(I rest my paws and everything) - then we can.  I have been successful with the cream slice and the vino.  End of.  Now do go steady yourselves out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x

Friday, 8 May 2015

Resignations Fridee

Wonka here.  Has Owner brightened up yet you all want to know? NOT A BIT OF IT.  We dragged up at the crack of dawn, and after the normal feeding frenzy and changing of the facilities (not the guard!  ho ho. oh alright then.) she had to put the telly on. WOAH.  it was full of doom and gloom for Owner and her votes her proxy votes the postal votes.  End of.  WE are NOT represented Wonka! she shouts to me, and then spent an hour on the phone commiserating (get out!) with daughter.  It turns out that Sconny Botland has been taken over by that nice Nicola ;will she be able to manage all those pesky Scots? you all quite rightly question up and they can be unruly yes, and as for our tiny bit of land, that is ENG land, taken right over by Dave and his outfit.  Pause for breath, thankyou and finally to round it all off, everyone resigned like a pack of cards folding up.  Old Nick said his piece,  Mr VIKIP Farage said his and then (sound of violins left over from old Nick) Mr Ed gets up and does the same. Owner was beside herself. Hankies all round folks. x

Small resigned to it all para.  Did anything brighten up your day Wonka? and thanks folks for worrying about me.  I had a small unsupervised meeting with Ruggles who being fast over atop the linen basket didn't notice.(tick) and Owner was so sad she fell back in from the shops with some real chicken (sorry chick!) and two cream slices.  Have you fallen off the wagon Owner I says to her, but kindly folks not in a rotten way. It won't harm, she tells me, and neither will a large glass of that medicinal red either I goes back.  Anything folks to cheer my best Owner up and not pack us all in the car with no name and escape to Scotland! x

 
There we are!  Would we all fit in you worry up, what with there being me Bertie Bubb and Ruggles, and several bags and that? I would go on the front seat, end of; Bubbster and Ruggles would make do with the back seat and be wedged in with all Owner's baggage.  We love it. x
 
Final resigned to being poor and on the scrap heap.  No one wants Owner it seems with or without glowing references.  Luckily the wall to wall dissection of the election put paid to any worries on this side of the worry dial.  We stayed nicely on despair setting but about government not this household.  that folks is laying in wait.  To try and keep Owner clear of this one I have insisted on (list) 1.  the other cream slice 2. More red vino 3. Corrie X 2 and the stray dog that has moved in with Steve - Owner loves a stray dog (I know) and 4.  Enders to completely distract her from our sorry lives right now.  To all of you out there possibly enduring horrid governments and such I say, Do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x


Thursday, 7 May 2015

Have you voted Thursdee

Wonka here.  YES Owner has been.  How did you go on I says up when she trip traps back in hauling the latest cat concrete aka litter.  Just a little news on that, as I know you are dangling off the edge of your seats about it.  As you recall, the eco friendly wood thingy odour eating VERY expensive one is now off the list, BUT Thomas cat litter is ON IT; Ruggles partakes of this one and yesterdee, when Owner was keeping an eye out, I sped into the ensuite (kitchen) and used his facilities!  and I am giving Thomas cat litter the thumbs up folks!!  anyhow - so how did Owner go on then eh? EH?

Small roll of the drums, then building to a crescendo AND.  yes she goes up sipping a cup of builders tea I have voted for me and proxy voted for aged parent, Mother.  it turns out that at the second polling booth, there were live candidates trotting about outside.  Owner took a few snaps, and when one of them said do you want one with me in it (the VIKIP candidate) Owner goes NO I DO NOT.  End of.  To give the other one his due (for Dave) he said de rien.  When I got in there, she carries on saying to me, there were three women all staring at me and my camera.  Apparently they thought the camera might, by itself take a snap of a ballot paper.  Yes.  You weren't rude were you Owner I goes, nicely, it being a tad close to my tea time.  JUST A BIT she says up.  anyhow, the votes are cast and cast for Mr Ed.  I SHALL PROBABLY LOSE A BUNCH OF FOLLOWERS she moans up, but I said very wisely as per: we don't need so called followers from Dave or old Nick or that other one thank you very much Owner.  We still love Nicola and Natalie and Leanne.  End of. x

Brief interlude and intermission cartoon para.  here it is and you knew it!

There we are!  faced with all those candidates and their policy manifesto things, the vote is cast and we hope for fair and proportional days.  x

Miniscule update on Owner and the agencies.  Today she suddenly came to life and rang them all up.  And told them what for. and chased things up and generally made herself known again.  Good for you Owner I said, full of encouragement and praying for some financial help. Yes I have tossed a coin into the wishing well which is near to the brim with it all now.  Surely our luck will turn? I love it. (the well)x

Final countdown para.  Owner is going on about staying up all night and I says you sound like aged sibling.  He does this all the time and gets told off by Owner.  Are you saying I am a hypocrite Wonka she goes to me, and I must admit I said yes in the barest whisper that she may not have heard above popping upstairs to feed Bertie Bubb.  Rugglestop has been checking on the back yard and it needs checking on.  There is Blackster out there somewhere, Gingertop who I have said to Owner DO NOT ENCOURAGE him.  does she listen eh? EH?  and hang on if there isn't a newby turned up at the gate who is grey all over. (photoshoot tmro good folks).  he or she but prob a he has no name as yet and I have again warned against this. I know.  Tonight we will cuddle up to whatever looks likely to stop Owner from going on a giant worrywart about (list) 1. being on the scrap heap 2. never working again (I says is this anything to cry over?  IS IT?) 3.  being old etc etc.  In the meantime it will be Fridee and that is alright with me.  Do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x

Wednesday, 6 May 2015

Brave Wednesdee

Wonka here.  Every now and then, Owner forgets about all nice and cosy and that, and BREAKS OUT and puts her little foot down!  Oh no! you all shout out to me full of concern....YES I was told off this morning for another unsupervised contact, but she was too busy stroking Rugglestop and saying HOW BRAVE YOUR ARE Ruggles! to spend much time on it.  Is that it? you all mumble going back to reading the paper or mowing the lawn (perhaps not.  all our lawns are sodden (a bracket within a bracket,  How brave is that!  Owner said ok to say sodden so I am) with non stop rain) or just laying around on your settees.....NO there is more bravery to be had.  and I love it. x

Fresh and brave para.  Owner sped off out, now she is free from the trammings (I want that to be a word.  end of) of work.  NO, she is still being thrown to the lions and thrown on the scrap heap; I cannot believe it Wonka!  she shouted up at me this morn, and I have to say I was enjoying a few moments zzzzzzzzzzz OH..yes? I goes full of interest it being close-ish to a snackerooni... there is an advert, she droned to me, on Facebook....YES, I says trying hard to stay interested, AND IT IS FOR THE SAME JOB that I am not getting called in for!!!  How's that for a smack round the chops folks! eh? EH?  Did Owner get upset by that?  not a bit of it.  It's just, she continued on reporting up to me, it's just their wicked way, of drawing helpless foolish people towards their godforsaken agency.  yes.  I love it. and as for being brave whilst she was out....see the next but one para. x

Intermission and cartoon para.  here follows Bertie Bubb being brave...

 
There he is!  I am King inside, and Rug is King outside but Bertie Bubb is King of the wardrobe...and as brave as you like.  Mostly.  I love him.  Mostly. x
 
 
Brief and final election run up finale update.  All of them are going mad now to trap our crosses.  And if Owner has read one bit of information about hung parliments (I know) and thingy representation and what if this and what if that, I'll go to the top of our stairs and stay there.  And to cap it all, old Nick is droning on about being a surprise.  Well, shouts Owner, if it's the same surprise as last time, where he drops all pretence of running a leftish party to cuddle up to a rightish one.  yes she was on Passionate setting folks!  it does get to you in the end, even our hero Hardeep Singh Koli is hard at it on twitter.  We love him.x
 
 
Final breakthrough and brave para.  Owner was brave at the dentist, NO, it wasn't her I would not have heard the end of it, but with aged sibling.  He was brave too.  and finally when she gets back to Aged Sibling's home, she was brave on the phone to one of his support network thingies.  THEY ARE NOT SUPPORTING ENOUGH she shouts down the phone to the Manager.  I mean if I had been the Manager I would have said yes to everything that Owner was dribbling on about and then had big drink of something after.  After such a brave day, it does wear you out rather, and I know you will all be wanting an update on that new and exciting eco thingy cat litter.  I DON'T LIKE IT. End of. Tonight we are to be clustered up to Corrie x 1, and nice Nick wants to be a Daddy and trickster David has run off with the childer.  That is to escape Killum who tried hard to infiltrate (I say!) the household by cuddling up with Sarah Loo. Later there is Mr Kay and his car share OR we can finish up with Exodus.  and that would be a brave ending to our day.  Do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x




Tuesday, 5 May 2015

Windy Old Tuesdee

Wonka here.  We hear now of gale force winds folks, yes, and that is to go with the rain and cool May weather to-date.  Ruggles is even now, perched inside the kennel at the top of the yard keeping an eye out.  WHO FOR? you all shout up.  For whoever it was scrapping in the night.  Owner said OH NO as she lay there toss turn turn toss.  and IS IT GINGERTOP?  My guess for what it's worth and I was the only one to take the trouble to check it out upstairs and down, is Blackster..  Bertie bubb stayed where he was on the pillycase, hissing and growling in case I bothered with him; I didn't.  And Ruggles was safe as safe could be in his ensuite.  Between that and Owner developing (my new word.  am I improving or what? eh? EH?) back ache or pain or a cold or a mystery virus, we spent a fitful night.  End of. x

Fresh and windy para.  Last night we stopped up to see our fave Stu Bingham lift that trophy!  Winner Winner Chicken Dinner! was his triumphant chant and only to be expected from this smiley, down to earth, player of the match, chappie.  We loved him.x

Break for a breezy cartoon:  our reaction to the naming of our newest and littlest Princess folks!

 
There we are!  Listening up as per.  Everyone is saying OH I'M CALLED THAT now it is famous and royal.  We love it. x
 
Tiny but necessary election run up update.  all are travelling the length and breadth of the country trying to twist our arm I mean vote.  Nicola was nattering away on the Jezzer Vine show on good Radio 2 and she denied strongly (says Owner) that yesterdee's heckling (rioting some say.  yes) was DE RIEN to do with her SNP party.  Our fave comedian Eddie Izzard (for Mr Ed) was there being heckled and we believe him because we love him. End of. x
 
Final and fizzing para.  It's official Owner is on the scrap heap.  We are hurtling towards starvedom unless any one of her plans take off (Owner prefers 'come to fruition' but I said NOT)Her plans are (list) 1.  ring up the other agency to say why have you not contacted me.  (answer in the question folks) 2.  to register with the other agency, thereby possibly being registered with three agencies (it will come to naught.) 3. Ignore the email offering Owner a chance to sales administrate based on a look at her CV. (there is no sales experience on it anywhere.) 4.  throw a huge coin into the wishing well (I am in favour of this one) 5.  Win a fortune on the Lotto (got to do it first I warned up) and 6. Write a best seller and make millions. (crazy as it seems with my help......x).  In the meantime, and with no snooker in sight, we have managed nicely with the first of three outstanding films.  First up is Exodus and it says (quote).  'A Spectacular Blockbuster'.  We are half a hour in and can tell you folks WE LOVE IT.  it does help that we know the story ish.  Moses and the basket?? eh? eH?
 
Small breath of fresh air para: Owner recalled going to see the cartoon of the same story (called Owner? Was it something Egypt? she mutters....ggggrrr) near to Christmas it was and falling asleep probably at the parting of the red sea.  (sorry red sea if it wasn't). Now tonight we can also drive ourselves mad with Enders and will Cat ever get to the end of all her sorry storylines and then Holbee with that nice new CEO who is tall and thin and very witty and clever.  Do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it, and especially if, like Owner, you are temporarily on the scrap heap.  Big Love Wonka x