Saturday, 31 January 2015

Lightweight Satdee

Wonka here.  We have a new ritual to report up folks out there all possibly minding rituals, habits and straight up OCD of your own.  I know all about OCD because if my amazon box isn't just so, I can take a good few minutes trampling down the paper in it and bunting round the edges.  Several times a day but who's counting.  Oh I am.  Oh and there is staring at Bertie bubb but Owner says that is down to plain naughtiness on my part.  However, Bertie may have some rituals and wotnot going on if he was to come out of hiding long enough to share it. Now Owner.......how long have you got?  only joking Owner!!!  It is a new night time ritual as if there aren't enough on already what with all the checking.  WHAT IS IT you all shout up running out of your patience....Owner is now having a bedtime drink and it is Horlicks.  NO we are not promoting Horlicks who don't even know me and Owner exist, and other bed time drinks are available but this one, does the job.  Sound as you like, all night long and doesn't hear me and Bertie.  she loves it!

Lighweight para.  Owner has never in her life (says) seen cat litter (concrete) that says it is LIGHTWEIGHT on the side but needs a forklift to carry it to the car with no name and then the said car to here.  Instead there is just Owner (who is also no lightweight when it comes to lifting) who thinks someone on that well known and paring down supermarket, is saving money.  she thinks (her conspiracy theory no 1236) they are packing the same concrete aka cat litter into different bags and giving it different names.  AND THIS ONE she drones to me, IS THE OTHER ONE.  I must admit I nearly fell asleep half way through the theory but caught myself towards the end.  OH YES, I goes showing a lot of interest as I did want a helping of senior lovely to eat catfood, seeing as Bertie had helped himself to mine earlier on.  I love it.

True lightweight para.  This week as you know has been a troublesome one for me having to cope with Owner's ever changing settings.  And here is our cartoon offering to illustrate what it is like.
 
There we are! as the week wears on Owner becomes increasingly MORE LIKE HER....is it the Horlicks at work?  if it is I am putting in an order for some more because....I love it!x
 
 
Final lightweight para.  The rounds were completed without any howsyourfathers and all is well to date.  Owner took a pair of leggings back to the shop and came home with the very same pair but shorter.  And, did this in howling wind and rain or was it hail?  It all looks pretty much the same from the sideboard checking out back.  Now tonight we are entertained by The Voice and those would be singers and we can always hope eh.  Tom does love a welsh voice and Rita does love a good voice and Ricky he likes more or less all voices and as for WILLYAM, he is looking for whatever he is looking for.  Then Casualtee and there is a new horrid nursey who has stepped up into thingys shoes and no one likes her much specially evil Connie.  alright half evil Connie.  And there is Charlie Farley spreading the love too. love him lots but not as much as Mark Rylance aka Tom Cromwell says Owner.  Now do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x

Friday, 30 January 2015

Little People Fridee

Wonka here.  At last Owner has decided to cope with being a mite cooler overnight.  The conditions have been tropical.  Yes, we like being cosy but as I droned to Owner, it cannot Owner I says, be good for your skin.  With that, she took notice and is being brave:  I have put the dial onto the timer she warbles to me from the depths of the bathroom so I cannot hear really - there is a shut door in the way of it.  When she repeated this vital piece of info hours later, all it means is that we shall freeze overnight and possibly get up to a warm house if the boiler can rouse itself to click back on at 5 30 am.  but it's alright because Owner (list) 1;  won't wake up with a headache and 2. will have a fresh complexion and 3.  the giant bill we are expecting will come down a notch.  I love it.

Little people para.  What is all this talk of the little folk you all wonder up?  Owner got a shout for a new school, and it meant spending all day with the very smallest and youngest people of all.  Was it in the nursery you all shout up and say?  YES.  so Owner has been singing 5 CURRANT BUNS IN THE BAKERS SHOP and gone onto happy and relaxed setting.  This is what the little people do, they just love you and want to be loved back.  It's just like the Booleys I says, only it's children instead of kittens.  Now I shouldn't have mentioned the Booleys (tinker's kittens) but I got away with it as Owner was too busy humming that song and another one about a man who built his house on the rock and it stood firm when the rain came down.  I love it.

Small and little people para.  Due to Owner having such a happy day I said to her shall we put a cartoon of the little people on here?  here it is:
 
There it is!  from the school where Owner was last year and she will be returning next week..... a year has gone by and it may as well be a minute.  We love it.
 
 
Final little people rule para.  What a week it has been with Owner whizzing up and down the range of settings from full on anxiety to calm as you like.  Me?  thanks for asking, a tower of strength and  only let myself down today by lashing out at Owner for what seemed like nothing (or de rien as I am want to say).  I did say to Owner it was due to me being frightened and thinking that instead of closing a window by reaching over me, she was a big bad Viking coming to get me.  Like I say, Owner sometimes refuses to listen and she insisted that it was a HORRIBLE thing to do Wonka!  she has forgiven me though and I will try not to lash out again.  At least not today.  Now tonight we must be glued to all three soaps, and in Enders that mean Dean who is the son or brother or Uncle of Shirlee has been arrested with the square all watching on.  Over in Corrie, shanaid or first aid or something very like it is flat on her back in hospital and all blame depressed Steve.  Except us, we don't.  Now the good weekend is here and what with Owner feeling more the ticket and no mention of her hair AT ALL today, it is all good.  do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x

Thursday, 29 January 2015

Snowflurry Thursdee

Wonka here.   Is Owner calmer yet you all mumble up to me....it had to happen folks and some sort of peace has descended.  I put it down to a good night's sleep with a minimum of growling and hissing from Bertie Bubb aka the hob nob.   What about work you all further ask up worrying about me and my overflowing biscuit trough.  Like: are there enough in my saucer?  at this moment in time there are about 5 saucers each with a different variety in and my top fave is sensitive.  I need to look after my digestion.  I love it.


Small flurry of snow para.  yes as predicted a million times til we thought OH JUST get on with it, there was a miniscule flurry of snow.  Times 2.   it started up approximately the minute Owner let Ruggles fly off into the wild of a dark night (last night.) and then said WHY DID I LET HIM OUT it is too late etc.  She then had to wander around doing odd jobs and such like til she spied him crouched in the dog kennel at the top of the yard.  Ruggles!  she calls out to him possibly waking the neighbourhood who knows, and he trots back in.  I says, he is out there looking for gingertop who we haven't seen for a couple of days.  We are not on a worry jive about it just yet though.  ~We love him.  outside. x

Fresh snowy elsewhere para.  as promised a bit like the snow, here is a reminder of Duffel.

There he is!  That is Duffel, so called due to his special duffel coat, and with him is Sam.  Owner first heard the Duffel stories from her dear Dad who is now in wood carving heaven.  And Sam used to be Owner's dog, famous for trotting alongside her everywhere she went and protecting her and daughter from all.  We could have done with him for when those pesky Vikings peek in the windows!  Anyhow, the first Duffel story from Owner appeared last Easter and was introduced by me, of course.  There is another one in the mix if only Owner could settle long enough to write it!  I AM DOING IT Wonka she says up to me.  I love it and I hope you will too.

Final escape the snow and live here para.  today we have had a breakthrough if you can call it that.  Owner had another phone call with the good agency, and narrowly avoided another of those thingy wotsits.  DID YOU HAVE WORDS Owner I ventured up?(long time not using this word and I like it) NO she goes, and reports being calm BUT whilst on the phone found out that her good consultant thought she was working at the school and she isn't.  WHAT A MIX UP Wonka!  that's that pesky Mercury travelling backwards and mixing up all our communications.  So there is a whisper of some work for next week.  Whatever happens though it must not clash with Owner's hair appt on Mundee.  Nothing must be in the way of that.  No hurricanes, no snow, no Viking invasions, nothing.  Now last night we settled down and hugged up to #wolfhall and our new hero Thomas Cromwell - alright he is an unlikely hero in some ways but you can't tell Owner that.  The actor is Mark Rylance and where has he been all this time?  we love him.  tonight there is the usual giant dose of NOTHING ON except Enders.  Enough said.  Now do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  and if you are snowbound.  big Love Wonka x

Wednesday, 28 January 2015

Squaring up Wednesdee

Wonka here.  Slept like tops and woke up nicely to the jarring melody of the alarm.  Did the usual snooze zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz OH when it went off again on its little repetitive melody.  I had time for a cuddle and a game of bite Owner's foot before hurtling off down those stairs.  you will note dear folks out there I said FOOT and not HAND.  Foots can be gently nibbled under several covers and if it is a game.  HANDS must not be tackled in any game or not game.  The end.  Now Bertie who has earned many a nickname and I did hear Owner call him Hob Nob in the night - I know, but he seems to be growling on a lower scale or maybe I m going deaf, anyhow he did not hurtle anywhere he stayed on his pilly case like a multi-coloured hob nob.  Now I am calling him it.  I love it.

Squaring up para.  What now?  Owner has (list) 1.  only washed her hair once. 2. only looked at it a few thousand times prior to going out 3.  recognised that her stress setting is on ALERT and 4. come clean with the hair dresser.  Now what (Oh I have reversed it!!) I goes up when she had flung the comb the hairdryer and the hairspray to one side to pick up her mobile.  I AM GOING TO FALL ON HIS MERCY she says to me.  This meant a lengthy text apologising for her gung ho do it yourself attempt to make her hair look nice when in reality it was now just short of frightening off any of those pesky Vikings.  No I did not say this to Owner I just thought it.  Hours later, when she fell back in from a stressful load of visitings, I dared to ask if our best and fave hairdresser had replied.  HE FORGIVES ME she whispers up, and is coming to SORT IT OUT Mundee.  Now last time he did play with me, poking my fave monkey around so I am quite looking forward.  Why are you whispering I says to Owner, in a nice tone as I was more than ready for my tea never mind that hob nob upstairs.  I feel like whispering she goes back.  I love it lots.

Fresh and square para.  This morning our resident blackbird was a treat to behold, and Owner has captured the moment.
 
There I am!  sitting on my sideboard gazing out the back and listening to him singing his heart out on the chimney top - he does like it up there where he is safe and full of sound!  Owner loves him and I love him even more.....x
 
Small squaring up to explain para..... we promised you some snippets of Duffel from last year's Easter Story and prior to the new one, and Owner says it will now be on Thursdee's offering.  I wanted the blackbird to star in today's cartoon slot she droned to me.  ALRIGHT I went back, as I am like that. x
 
Final squaring up para.  This week has been a hard one for Owner who has had to face up to her stress setting and avoid any situation that might wrack it up.  Which is more or less anything really from the minute she sets foot outside in the Wold.  Wonka, she reports up to me I was good whilst driving good in the shops good with aged sibling but nearly had a row with aged parent.  Par for the course I droned up and I am letting her off with that one.  A saint would hover between 0 and 5 setting in a similar meeting.  Now tonight we are overjoyed as there is Corrie x 1 and all the drama of good Steve and his clinical wotsit and Carling blackeyebrows is hobbling along and made friends with evil Tracee AND THEN it is beloved Wolf Hall and Owner's new idol Thomas Cromwell.  Ah.  Now do go steady folks out there in the Wold wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x


Tuesday, 27 January 2015

Pink Sky Tuesdee

Wonka here.  YES we are still here, and some of us are living the dream. Bertie Bubb is certainly achieving his in the land of wardrobe, and ME? thanks for asking, I am getting the most out of my days what with plenty of zzzzzzzzzzz and the rest of the real chicken.  Owner?  you all ask up, desperate for some news on her demise.  She is alright, despite (list) 1.  no work today 2. hair (according to her) looks horrid. 3.  no real idea of what she is going to do.  Has she shot herself in the foot with that good agency you all chirp up, possibly hovering on having words with your own..... time will tell and this could be a mere hiccup.  or not.  But she is smiling and calm and I AM NOT going to disturb it with talk of poverty and starvedom and doom.  Not I!  I love it.

Pink sky para.  there is nothing more cheering than a beauty pink sky to see off the day.  Those golden clouds lit up and the seagulls rolling in from the sea with a glimpse of the last of the blue sky I have gone all poetic just talking about it!  Owner says that the blue sky is a Dali blue - it looks like the sky in his famous painting she droned - that one called St John of the Cross where he is looking down on the sea of Galillee (Owner thinks it is that sea and if not Sorry sea of Galillee!).  It is even now hanging in the Kelvin Grove art gallery in Glasgow.  (sorry if name wrong.  Owner thinks it is kelvin and then added grove to it.  I know) And in case you have not been lucky enough to have seen it, here it is!
There it is!  and that is exactly the blue of the sky - we love it.
 
 
Final pink sky of the night para.  Something will turn up, goes Owner to me although I think she was talking to herself good folks and while she was being all positive and trusting in the future and wotnot I did sneak in the kitchen to check our catfood levels...plenty of senior food for me TICK, plenty of Sheba for Bertie Bubb and Ruggles TICK, cartloads of biscuits TICK and enough cat cement I mean litter for all of us BIG FAT TICK.  last night I had to be very good (how not to be!  that's the problem!) and be as soothing as soothing could be whilst Owner's nerves darted between stretched to capacity and just stretched.  Enders did not help as Shazzer kept talking about Fil and Ben, to Mad Max who is in danger of being on the very same setting as Owner.  YES there is more of it tonight and we have been warned of a Lucee 'teaser' -can it get any more exciting I says to Owner but she was too busy playing about with what little hair she has left to hear me out.  After that if we can settle to it, there is good Holbee city where for Owner it is like looking in the mirror of her psyche as all the Doctors are too clever for their own good and sensitive to all.  We love it.  now do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  big Love Wonka x

Monday, 26 January 2015

Snappy Mundee

Wonka here.  it's been a day of high stress in this house folks with Owner ready to PACK IT ALL IN Wonka!  Not before teatime surely I goes up..... I have been treated to some real chicken folks (sorry chicken!) me and Bertie bubb once he realised what that small cut up white stuff was on his saucer stroke plate.  Owner thinks I am in need.  On reflection, and if Owner did pause for a wee moment in her stress setting (11 out of a possible 10), she would see herself mirrored in me, if you follow my feline therapy folks.  THE THINGS YOU SEE IN OTHERS........... but no, she is NOT needing my real chick.  because......I love it!

Fresh and very snappy para.  No phone calls so this was a double edged sword thingy wotsit to start the day.  On the one hand it is good, as Owner can soon find jobs and such like, looking after me and me and me and them Bubb for starters....but on the other paw, the bad paw, it is not good as it means I AM NOT NEEDED Wonka.  this sent her into a downward spiral that resulted in, as Owner is now calling it, an ALTERCATION.  I am calling it, having words.  And who, you all shout up eagerly, was she falling out with??  Well, here it is, and as I am always advising, you never NEVER bite the hand that feeds you.  you can wash it, and maybe give it a teensy scratch but do not, on any account, bite it.  so guess what.......YES right first time!  she had a very snappy call with the one and only agency that is kind enough (now and then) to offer her some gruelling work for the day.  The conversation seemed to go like this:  I don't care about the other 499 people...... and I hate this system....and I am not putting it in the post.....Have you still got a job?, I asked up, ever so nicely once Owner had slammed the real phone down.  For now...she said looking, well looking like she was going to 'pack it in.'  There will an upside and I am even now looking for it!  I love it.

More snappy paras.  And so, I knew there was an upside!  In order to remind Owner of how talented and clever and wonderful she is I am promoting the next Duffel Story!!  it will called Duffel again (until it changes) and may be ready for Easter.....


There he is!!  It is only a rough sketch Wonka, she goes to me, but you will see there is Duffel trotting along and must be on a new mission then, and next to him is the sea on one side and ice cream parlours and fish and chips and OH what is that down there on the left, it looks like a palmist sign..... if I am good (as if) then I shall introduce the tale just like I did last Easter.  There may be a little reminder of the last Duffel story tomorrow for all you sorry folk who haven't read it.  I love it. x

Final SNAP para.  Now as we advised earlier in the week OH NO it is the early week, I mean last week, that good Mercury is travelling backwards and blow me down the moon and sun are doing things too.   There is no let up and even the weather forecast is full of snow and ice and wind. The only good news is that there is no sign of those pesky Vikings as yet.  BUT Owner has been messing about with her hair (OH NO you all say.  OH YES I say back) so they should stay back a while longer.  Now tonight, if Owner can tear herself away from scissors and hair product (good word and I like it) we will be entranced with Corrie X 2 and Enders.  There is enough drama in all of that to take Owner's mind off her own.  As yet, she has not dashed off a snappy email to the agency and I have said to (wait for it) sleep on it.  I will keep you posted!  Other news is that I am perfectly fine as per, Bertie Bubb didn't growl quite so much when I looked at him and Ruggles is fast over on the linen basket.  Now do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  big Love Wonka x

Sunday, 25 January 2015

Ugly Mug Sundee

Wonka here.  Up in the night, and so the usual thing happens.  We all sleep in....zzzzzzz OH.  I may as well make a cup of tea goes Owner, who is toss turn turn toss - oh and have some cream crackers,  and read.  Why not I says, throw a party while you're at it, but she didn't hear me above drinking her tea and nibbling on a Jacobs.  Why is it, she mumbles, that cream crackers taste like nectar in the night?  and then she reports up how her Grandma on aged parent's side, used to live on them.  I hope, I droned up from well under the bed, you are not following suit.  I love it.

Fresh very ugly para.  Now what you all shout up at me, more ugliness?  after the fringe episode?  after feeling like the weather all grey and grim?  YES only this time it was a full on attack.  Owner said she felt so ugly she didn't want to go out but I made her folks out there all egging me on, and saying things like, she mustn't look in the mirror!  and - tell her how gorgeous she looks!  You know me folks, I cannot tell a lie and she did look a mite peaky.  BUT nothing that a good purchase of new makeup can't put right.  she fell back in from her swimming ( I did wonder if all the other swimmers were frightened out of the water, but she said all calm and peaceful.  I know.)with a load of new blushers and pencils and such, and set to with them all.  Me?  thanks for asking, I had to wait patiently for a snack, and so did Bertie come to that.  And I can lie convincingly (long word had to use) when called upon.  like needing food.  I love it.

Fresh very very ugly para:  here is a little cartoon that Owner said SUMS IT ALL UP WONKA....
 
There we are! Owner looking in that mirror and seeing a green troll looking back, me patient under the table Bertie bubb off to use the facilities.  To round it all off, she has to put green cream on her eyebrows as they have gone red.  probably in protest at all the new makeup I says up admittedly in a whisper that I could hardly hear myself. I am proud of my self control in these ugly circumstances x
 
Final ugly mug para.  There is always a saving grace to these things and here it is good folks all relaxed and happy with your good looking selves especially if you are Emma or Marvin off the Voice, OR, Emmanuel, one of the contestants who was so handsome, Rita thingy could not look at him.  Anyhow here is the saving grace.  IF one of those pesky Vikings wanders by and looks in the window he she or it will  get such a fright they will go and look in at someone else's window.  Now Owner is convinced she has a cold and that is why she has gone to ugly setting (10 out of a possible 10) WILL I FEEL LIKE WORK tomorrow she goes up to me and I says, can you afford not to Owner? heh?  Luckily she was in the kitchen pandering to Ruggles who luckily is not easily scared by green eyebrows.   Tonight we are clustered up to calling the midwifey and last tango.  There is a film but no doubt Owner will want to go to her ugly pit by then.  I have suggested a nice hot orange OR here it comes.....a Horlicks.  NO CONTEST she goes brightening right up as that is her all time fave comfort drink.  the other Grandma used to make it, and, Owner reports up, it was made the proper way with hot milk and freckles on the top.MMMMM.  Now the good week is nearly upon us and we are praying for a beauty week please!  so do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  big love Wonka x


Saturday, 24 January 2015

Sunny Satdee

Wonka here.     Up we got to some sunny shine folks, and blue sky.  is it still freezing you all want to know possibly enjoying some heat?  YES it is still icy cold thank you for asking.  But a little bit of sun and Owner suddenly gets going and does things.  I AM GOING TO PAINT THE GOOD BACK DOOR she blurts out to me half way through the morn.  Personally I would have liked a bit more warning as (list) 1.  am I ready for the full on stinkerooni of fresh paint?  NO 2.  What if Ruggles comes by and does not like the full on stinkerooni of the paint and runs away? 3.  is there a brush not welded together with the last painting job available? JUST and 4.  what about the curtain to shield us from the wold and blotting out any pesky Vikings who might be looking in?  I like things to go steady because I love it.

Sun filled para.  So did Owner go ahead you all shriek up?  OF COURSE.  Have you ever known Owner to get an idea in her head and not have it actioned in about ten seconds flat.  Before I could say what about Bertie, the door was painted.  inside only folks, as once Owner had calmed down long enough to read the bit of the tin that wasn't painted over she spied the word INTERIOR.  It is now a smelly freshly painted back door in a pleasant shade of white tinged with lavender.  IT IS STILL TACKY she goes to me when she fell back in after her rounds and dabbed at it with a finger.. and then Rugglesis turns up followed by gingertop.  He mustn't touch the door! she goes all edgy and nervous.  I mean what did I say earlier folks?  And because Ginger top could see right into the good kitchen without the curtain or blind he thought he was coming in!  NOT ON YOUR NELLY I goes to him through the dining room window...this INN is full!  I love it.

Fresh and sunny para and cartoon spot.  Last and I will say least! in Wonka's Gallery is said Gingertop.....

 
There he or she or it is!  Busy drinking out of the waterbowl near to the gnomes out back....and that, is where Gingertop can stay!! x
 
Final sunny para.   The other job tackled by Owner with a hammer and a nail was the new blind.  I'VE DONE IT Wonka she shouts to me, all excited because it is up and it works.  Yesterdee she went to collect it from the shop and had a full blown lecture on how to put it up.  HE TALKED ME through it she drones to me assembling screws and brackets and such like.  I thought it best to get in my amazon box, and even Bertie regrouped in his cat carrier in the Narnia cupboard.  BUT all went to plan (thankyou Mr Blind man for the best instructions ever!) and the blind pulls down and everything.  it is now on the good table waiting for the good door to dry.  Who knew, that a painted door takes so long to dry.  That must be that saying I goes up, about watching paint dry, but Owner was busy washing her finger after dabbing it again to hear me.  now tonight we will be transfixed by The Voice, and the presenters of The Voice who are so handsome it is hard to believe they are real.  Maybe we will find it hard to believe some of the contestants are too, who knows.  And then Casualtee to round our eve off.  The evil Connie doctor keeps showing signs of being nice and Zoe doctor is an angel sent down etc.  we love it lots.  Now do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x

Friday, 23 January 2015

French Fridee

Wonka ici.   I know!!! it is all to do with Owner trotting off to work only to find (small drum roll) THERE HAD BEEN A MIX UP...... and so Wonka, she reports to me when she slides back in much later, I ended up supporting a French teacher TOUS LES JOUR that may or not be all day in French and Sorry France if it isn't!  peutetre Je t'adore!!!! x

French as you like para.  since then I have had to put up with bursts of French like:  TAIS TOI which might be shut up and STOP IT oh no that's in English with a French accent! and OU EST Bertie.  Dans le Wardrobe in the Chambre.  Etc.  Owner says has struggled all day with feeling ugly and wondered if it was the weather.  Meaning? I droned back full of interest as I was on the verge of starving.....  MEANING Wonka, she explains up, that when it is freezing and grey and icy outside I feel the same.  Yes that went by me too good folks out there all trying to make the connection.  Suffice (get me) to say, January and cold weather do not appeal to Owner who is even now turning up the heating and checking for draughts.  Personally, and if I was a draught which I'm not, I would save myself for a better home to creep round.   They don't stand a chance in here.  ICI il est tres chaud!!  And we love it.

More french things para.  Postponed from yesterdee je presente!
 
To continue Wonka's Gallery!  Here we are with good Ruggles.  Il est tres beau oui?  Only I, Wonka surpass him (like that word lots or should I say beaucoup...) in the handsome stakes.  He is now feeding on best Sheba and living it up dans le cuisine.  C'est la vie. x
 
 
Final french for one day only para.   Owner says brain started to sag in the last period of the day and has continued to do so.  Blame it on work or the planets, the upshot is the same, she is worn.  I am looking forward she says to me, to a night of zombified tv.  That won't be difficult Owner I says up because we have a double dose of Corrie with weeping Steve and a cartload of heroes including Tracee.  There is the leader in dysfunctional families and that is Enders.  All the Queen Vic folk are squabbling and fighting and declaring they were a brother now they are a father or they were a sister but now a mother.  Do keep up!!  it is hot water bottle weather so do keep warm out there and if you get even a tiny bit fed up, do not hesitate to warm yourself up with a Wonka story.  All free to read at www.smashwords.com  so the weekend is upon us, or ICI as I like to say, do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x

Thursday, 22 January 2015

Hair Rescue Thursdee

Wonka here.  Guess what?  NO that is not it.  Owner had to call her beloved hairdresser Graham to sort her fringe out.  According to Owner, she looked like a roundhead stroke peasant stroke village idiot (sorry John Mills who did play such a person in Ryans Daughter.  Owner says).  of course she looked just the same as always and goodness knows what Graham must think.  Me?  I do know him and he has played with my monkey toy on an elastic thingy but as soon as he knocked on the door I ran upstairs.  it could easily have been one of those pesky Vikings posing as him.  Armed with scissors and combs.  See how easy it is to blend in? heh?  HEH???  anyhow, Owner mumbles up what she NEEDS doing and the next minute, snip snip, comb comb and it is done.  She loves it!

Fresh hair rescue para.  Now because this happened today it is interrupting Wonka's Gallery.  I am alright with it because it was only Rugglesis turn you have all seen me and Bertie Bubb.  And Ruggles-top can hold off until tomorrow yes he can.  So instead there is a good cartoon of Owner's fringe being rescued:



There she is!! and that silly old pudding basin on her head is what she THINKS she looked like.  How does it look now you all chirp up and say? SHE looks like a little angel.  I love my hairdresser she drones to me when he has whizzed off to the next faulty haircut and I was brave enough to come back down.  When you hair goes right Wonka, she reports up to me, YOU CAN FACE THE WOLD x

Final rescued up hair para.  Due to being in such a good mood Owner sped off to take aged sibling to the dentist with a happy heart, and came back in a dreamy state too.  Owner says this is all down to astrological conjunctions thingys with the moon popping into this sign and then other mystery moves.  All well and good I says up appearing to be interested as it was spot on my teatime, but what happened whilst you were there.  I FOUND OUT, she tells me all excited, that one of the dental people has a kitten called Bertie.  I truly tried to show interest at this folks but may have failed a bit, as any talk of kittens sends Owner on a giant worrywart and longing for the Boolleys.  To take her mind off this, I scraped a giant hole in the new and cheaper version of cat concrete I mean litter. Goodness Wonka! says Owner.  you are digging a hole to Australia!  (sorry Aussieland).  Now tonight we must cluster up to a double dose of Enders.  What with Mick and Linda and Shirlee and Dean all saying different stories and there is still a killer on the loose.  Not to mention that horrid evil Nick and I am not going to.  last night we were spoilt with Wolf hall and Owner is deeply in love with Mr Tom Cromwell.  It won't last as he is bound to do something upsetting eventually.  Tomorrow it is back to the wicked wold of work for Owner, so an early night for us.  Now do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x

Wednesday, 21 January 2015

Backwards Wednesdee

Wonka here.   Will it ever be warmer, lighter, brighter, spring like and will I ever be happy with my hair goes Owner's refrain.  Certainly the days are getting lighter and according to a resident at Aged parent's abode, they are getting lighter at a minute per day.  THE THINGS I LEARN from old folk she reports up when she creeps back in.   I love it.

Backwards in the heavens para.  YES it is Mercury the good planet of communications that is now travelling backwards OR SO IT SEEMS.  This means, muddled up things.  Will we notice the difference?  When Owner sends off a text and expects an immediate reply and keeps checking her phone for it, that is how we notice folks.  Then she will send another one to ask about the one before.  Another little thing to watch for according to all the soothsayers out there is: (list) 1.  finding lost things. 2.  bumping into people you haven't seen for yonks.  IT DOES NOT say anywhere, I droned to Owner, to go buying more clothes.  When she fell back in this morning after a prolonged (like it) shopping trip in town brought about by leaving the car with no name to be fixed (I HAD TIME ON MY HANDS she goes up) she had to buy this jacket.  YES it is the business, and YES Owner suits it and looks a million dollars - can we afford it?  Can we NOT afford it though says Owner, when it took the edge of the day. I mean I don't see anything wrong with the day myself, and in my Wold all is going to plan.  I love it.

Backwards cartoon para.  Here follows the second instalment of Wonka's Gallery!
 
There we are!  Bertie Bubb aka the honey monster is cartooned up for my January shout out.  He did come downstairs for some fodder and the other and how was I supposed to know not to chase him back up??  STOP IT Wonka goes Owner all put out.  And I did stop once I got to the top of the stairs!!  I love it.
 
Final backwards para. so the car with no name now has a window that goes up and down at the press of a button.  YIPEE she goes, now I can wind it down to tell people things.  As long as, I warned up, you are not being rude.  But she didn't hear me above letting Ruggles in. He was pressed up against the good back door on about being starving.  hardly!  he is fed round the clock like me.  Now it is cold and damp outside but like a sauna in here, and we will be pressed up against the good tv tonight as Corrie is on, and the dilemma facing Tracee of whether to crawl into the minibus that is hanging over the cliff to rescue her arch enemy Carling black eyebrows, or not, has us on a knife edge folks.  all this plus Steve wandering off into the forest and not bothering to dial 999, I mean to say!  someone is in a coma and if we could recall her name it would help (us not her) but she is partnered up with good Chesney.  And then!  roll on the drums reaching up to a crescendo!!!!  it is the start of Wolf Hall all about Mr Thomas Cromwell (Ooh that word again, 'well') and his rise to fame at the court of big Henry 8th.  All is good folks and so, do go steady out there in the Wold wherever you are in it and keep an eye out for all those missing texts..Big Love Wonka x
 


Tuesday, 20 January 2015

We are saved Tuesdee

Wonka here.  Owner slept in for an hour.  I know.  and then, got a shout for some work for all this week and next.  I know.  Now any folks out there doubting and saying things like: those wishing wells!  they are useless all know that! and  generally sneering at such ancient means of getting what you want.  Well (Owner says I can't say 'well' like that because it is confusing.  SO?  I says back) our wishing well works!  We are saved from poverty and starvedom once more.  Are all the other wishes coming true then you all shout up and ask?  give it time give it time...............I love it.

Fresh saved para.  now yesterdee Owner did boast of a Wonka's gallery and here it is with me first up.  It is a cartoon of all of us, for January, starting with moi, naturellement..
 
There we are!  me and my beloved mousey.  next up will be that recluse, Bertie Bubb. I know. x
 
 
Fresh and final saved para.  After Owner flung off out for her day's toil I did a little bit of checking up and a lot of zzzzzzzzzzzzzz in my amazon box.  Bertie popped down to use the facilities and it was all peaceful and bonny until OH HOME HOW I LOVE YOU goes Owner falling in through the good front door much later on.  Luckily she had been in her lunch hour to one of those failing supermarkets (take your pick) and brought back provisions.  AND a pack of two cream doughnuts with jam.  This folks was wolfed down asap.  I HAVE A headache she moans up to me.  We reckon this was brought on by (list) 1.  lack of caffeine. 2. ditto 3. supervising a year 8 going on 40, about tourism.  it involved statistics say no more.  Are you all clued up Owner I says all interested as it was dead on teatime.  NO she goes back unpacking Bertie's million tubs of Sheba.  Now tonight we will cling to Enders and maybe Holbee city.  We are a bit sad because one of our faves from Corrie has gone off to the next room.  it was Anne aka Dierdre who lived with Ken and had to put up with Tracee for a daughter.  And she used to have a signature dish of food that all ran away from.  We loved her and say good night sleep tight!  Now do go steady out there folks in the Wold wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x

Monday, 19 January 2015

Don't look now Mundee!

Wonka here.  It is Mundee, it is chilly wotsits, and it is a bleak picture a l'accounts OR les finances.  this is what happened after Owner got up quite nicely:  I THINK I FEEL ALRIGHT she utters and gets ready for whatever the day brings.  it brought a phone call from the good agency well goodish then, inviting her to a full day of 'general cover'.  You've got to admire Owner for sticking to her inner goals and dreams and that.  NO she says back, I would prefer supporting.  I cannot, she moans up, psyche myself up for crowd control today.  She means trotting into a classroom and making herself heard.  another day folks she would have said YES I WILL.  Not today though, today Owner is NOT looking at it.  I love it.

More not looking at things para.  Once she had knocked back our only source of living, she swung into action doing this doing that, having another cup of tea whilst she was doing it, I said Owner, you seem very positive in the face of certain poverty but she didn't hear me above taking another call.  WHO FROM you all shout hanging off the edge of your comfy chair with excitement.  NOT A JOB OFFER, no.  NOT a rejection from anyone. NO.  It was a gentle reminder about money and to do with aged parent.  OH YES, I hear her say (Owner) and (quote) I'll do it now.  I did the sensible thing folks and popped upstairs, as the sound of the a4 ringbinder and calculator are a kind of death knoll in this house.  I HATE MONEY she shouts up and I whispered back, you mean you hate not having any!  I love it.

Good cartoon all about not looking...............
 
There we are!  NOT looking at the poor accounts.  WE LOVE not looking.  and we highly recommend it. x
 
 
Final not looking at things para.  The day wandered on by with Owner easing herself out and easing herself back home again.  Of course she has gone and bought a non essential x 1.  Pardon? what?  OH you want to know what it is, well you can all guess and no, it is not that, it is a new book by her fave author Donna Tartt.  That is the top prize of all for cheering Owner up.  Now tonight we will be transfixed by Corrie x 2 as there is a big story coming up and we have seen a trailer thing.  That should keep Owner's mind off our impending disaster of being poverty stricken for at least an hour or so.  The other good thing is that coming up or should I say INTRODUCING! WONKA'S GALLERY!!  there are four new cartoons of me and my muckers and Owner says to pop them on here starting tomorrow.  At last she has thought of me.  Now I expect like me, you are wanting your teatime and such like.  I must away and check on Bertie Bubb and maybe a small paw under the door with Ruggles.  Gingernut was spotted yesterdee drinking from the waterbowl out back and will certainly turn up later.  he she or it, is staying on the outside this time I have put my paw down!  Do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it. Big Love Wonka x

Sunday, 18 January 2015

Winnie the Pooh Sundee

Wonka here.  In honour of the day and you might know it but Owner is a giant fan of Winnie, here follows one of our fave books:
 
There it is!  Owner's old cook book with special illustrations and even more special recipes!!  it is very worn and used because over time she and daughter have made them all......our fave?  flapjack.  Our fave character?  Me?  thanks for asking I rather warm to Tigger and Owner of course is a big piglit fan.  I think Bertie Bubb and Eyeore are in with a chance and as for Ruggles top he might favour Winnie.  If Golly was still here instead of in the next room with St Francis, he would like WOL or Owl as of course he (Golly) was wise all the time.  Baba we think had a lot in common with little Roo.
 
'Drink up your milk first dear, and talk afterwards.' so Roo, who was drinking his milk, tried to say that he could do both at once....and had to be patted on the back and dried for quite a long time afterwards. - Winnie-the-Pooh
 
We love it. x
 
Final Winnie the Pooh para.   we have always loved the stories to do with Christopher Robin and Pooh bear.  As you know Piglit dangles in the car with no name, in the windscreen and is sitting on the back seat.  PEOPLE MUST LOOK IN and think, who is driving a car with all these toys in it goes Owner all happy and laughing.  THEY CAN THINK WHAT THEY LIKE I goes back all supportive because (list) 1. if Owner is in a happy mood it must not be disturbed and 2. it was dead on tea time.  Come to think of it you don't have to go far in this house to stumble on a piglit or a toy for that matter.  Now today Owner managed to get up with a smile and carry on being all positive and doing.  She has been swimming and says was not rude to anyone.  That makes a change I mumbled up from the depths of the good living room while she was busy unpacking the next lot of essentials, so luckily may not have heard me.  Now we are watching Homeward Bound the incredible journey which is of course on our top ten best films list.  It is a remake, drones Owner, of the original which makes no difference as we are all weeping at the return of the two dogs and the cat.  We love it.  Now tonight ahead of another week of it, we are drooling away as the good call the midwifey is back!  followed by Last Tango.  This is just the sort of stuff to bolster Owner's spirits ready for a week of it.  There is a visit to the garage on Wednesdee and a trip to the Dentist on Thursdee.  In between times anything could happen good folks and we pray it is all good.  For us and for you.  So. as per, do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x

Saturday, 17 January 2015

Snowy Satdee

Wonka here.   YES there was a tiny bit of snow out front when Owner looks out this morning.  IT SNOWED IN THE NIGHT she goes all excited.  Thankfully folks I won't be treading out in it and nor will Bertie bubb.  Ruggles-top raced out the good and new back door this morn like a greyhound out of a trap, so out of the three of us, he is snowbound....  I love it. 

Fresh and flurry of snow para.  Owner says when she and aged sibling were youngsters they would be out in the snow and getting all wet and cold and soggy and not bothering about that, but now, it is (list) 1.  warm socks. 2.  warm gloves 3.  warm scarf and 4. double layers of everything else.  Now, says Owner, I look like the Michelin man.  I, of course, did not make the mistake of agreeing good folks out there, because I was awaiting my breakfast and was starving.  Now all this time we have had my aunty to stay and I have been stroked and kissed and cooed over until even I thought I was being spoilt rotten.  YES, Bertie bubb had some of that attention from his hideouts.  YES ruggles had a tickle under the chin.  I love it lots.

flurry of snow and maybe more to come para.  Now because you will all be fretting out there that I am wasting away after Owner's daughter proclaiming (nice word that) that I am slimmer, here follows a nice photoshoot of moi.


I think I look drop dead gorgeous and everything a cat should look like.  Yes there is beloved mousey too.  AND I continue to be fed on demand.  I ask you! x

Final snow bound para..  Owner has taken daughter to the good station for the train home.  She thought she had a cold (Owner) and that explains why she felt so miserable and on black dog setting in the week.  I CANNOT, she reports up to me on her return, AFFORD TO GET COLDS.  I did say I hope you found time to stock up on our essentials (luxury cat food, litter et al) whilst you were out dropping daughter off and doing your rounds (aged sibling and parent) but she didn't hear me above carting the new and cheaper version (says basic on side of sack) of concrete I mean cat litter to the bathroom.  Now you would think Owner was all filmed out and you would be right.  Did they sit through another film this good morn which Owner declares to be the best one of all.  WHAT IS IT? you all chirp up immediately..  it is 'The Guilt Trip' with our songster and actress Babs Streisand.  we loved it, it was funny and it was touching and that is all you want in a film really.  Tonight we are warming ourselves to The Voice and hoping we like one or two of them and the swinging chairs do too and then it is Casualtee.  Thingy has handed in her notice is it Tess goes Owner and I said blimey you recalled a name, in amazement! and what else that snooty doctor is still snooty and good Zoe doctor is still nice.  Now do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x

Friday, 16 January 2015

Film Fridee

Wonka here.  Finally we have arrived at the end of this week.  Up date on the oven for you:  I swear goes Owner, it is hotter than before,  and the grill is working faster.  Now me?  thanks for asking, I reckon this (list) 1.  Owner always goes away and does three thousand other jobs whilst she is grilling the toast.  all that has happened is she did an extra job and when she got back, just in time, the toast was toasted. your honour.  2.  she is so over the moon that bungling the light in the back of the oven has not completely shut the whole thing down, she would praise the oven for just about anything.  OH IT TURNS ON STILL! and OH THE LITTLE RED LIGHT STILL COMES ON.  I love it.

Fresh film para.  OOOH today is the day when you watch loads of good films you all shout up extra jealous as it isn't you.  Owner has flung off to collect my aunty (daughter) from the station and then they are going in search of  good film.  Thanks to that expedition (like that word) I am bedding down in my amazon box for a good few hours.  Some of their best arguments and rows have been had over choosing a film, and despite advancing years (only joking Owner!) it is a possibility. THE CHAP IN THE VIDEO SHOP USED TO HIDE from us, as she loves to tell me this story.  What film was it?  I goes to show interest and get a few of those nice dreamy biscuits.  I wanted to see The Abyss and daughter said it was rubbish reports Owner.  Hmm, I rest my paws and everything! x

Films that are ace para.  After Owner meets daughter they will speed off to choose a film and I can get some well earned zzzzzzzzz.  Bertie bubb was a proper growler last night and kept it going long after I had stopped looking at him.  I ask you.  Here is an old cartoon of Owner waiting for daughter to arrive by train:
 
There she is!! how many times has Owner stood on that platform waiting for daughter and sometimes grandson....many times and we love it.  Are there any changes you all pester up and ask me?  There is one important change and it is Owner's handbag!!  it is still pink naturellement but now it is the baby pink one.  she loves it.
 
Final film para.  Hours later they both fell in the door and I was made a big fuss of!  Champion!  Yes even Bertie was looked at in his land of wardrobe up above.  IS HE MAKING UP FOR LOST SLEEP? is the question on everyone's lips (not mine).  I reckon it is all down to those pesky vikings as they are renowned (good use of word) for pinching things and could easily have some of Bertie's sleep.  Did they bring a film in?  is the next important question.....and the answer is: before I go to sleep. NO! not before I Wonka go to sleep, but before Nicole Kidman does.  I want to say what an ace film it was and how much Owner and daughter lapped it up.  but I can't.  BUT I can say how much they loved Lone Survivor with Mark Wahlberg.  It was a true story and he was rescued by a tiny tribe in Afghanistan who saved him and took him in despite him keep saying WHY?  according to the thingy at the end of the film this tribe had a tradition going back to the edge of time itself whereby if an individual came to them needing help THEY HAD TO HELP!  and they helped him (Mark aka thingy) despite being shot at and knives brandished and wot not.  we love them and wish them well.  Now I must dash as first off Daughter has noticed I am slimmer.  Now Owner is very worried and wants to feed me up!  YES I am still pretty big and all of that. It is now the weekend folks so, do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are it. Big love Wonka x

Thursday, 15 January 2015

Stand by Thursdee

Wonka here.   Yes as per, the alarm went on and on and on and on.  I MUST GET UP she kept saying zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.  and then, I DON'T WANT TO GET UP.  Are you depressed Owner? I said full of sympathy as I was starving for my breakfast.  It turns out it was just the usual anxiety and stress that quite frankly folks has shaped Owner's existence for so long I doubt she would stand up without it.  In scientific terms it is the skeleton of her life.  or is that a metaphor (does it matter even I wonder up.)  anyhow, the important thing that you all want to know is I did get my breakfast, Ruggles chucked down a bit before throwing himself back into the wild and Bertie bubb stayed out of the wardrobe long enough to devour his.  I love it.

Stand by para.  In keeping with Owner's high stress setting (around mark 9 I would say) does the good phone go and it is the agency saying BE ON STAND BY.  Now Owner had already given me more than a little to think about with the question of whether to wash her hair or not.  IT LOOKS LOVELY I goes, waiting for my seconds, but then, a second later she is washing it.  and because it went perfect, the good agency rings back and says she is not needed now.  THE STORY OF MY SORRY LIFE she droned at me.  then it happened.  WHAT now you all wonder up?  she went to replace the bulb in the good if cheap old oven.  What you all say, you mean those lights that are deep inside the cooker that light up when the oven is on so you can see what is going on?  YES that light.    but because it is Owner and it is as we said a cheap old oven, when Owner finally rived the miniscule lightbulb out, it left a lot of its gubbings attached to the thing. I did say to Owner, hows about turning off the electricity as she dabbed at the metal thing with a metal screwdriver.  Yes she is still here.  NO the oven does not light up any more and all the gubbings are at the back of the oven somewhere.  BUT here is the positive to all of this, and as I said to Owner who was not far off a weeping jive.  THE OVEN albeit swathed in darkness and mystery STILL WORKS.  I love it x

Final stand by para and cartoon.

There it is! the pocket hanky kitchen with the poor oven and squashed up next to it the good washer washing.  there is even a glimpse of the new back door!  Owner is just rushing to turn off all power and cannot be seen.  she is therefore, out of the cartoon!  I love it.

Real and final stand by.  So Owner was at a loose stressed and anxious end all day good folks out there but somehow has turned it round.  I HAVE WRITTEN something Wonka she goes to me later on, and it is the next Duffel Story she is on about.  It might at this rate be ready for Easter!  that's what being creative does for you I advised her from my amazon box, and you know it works for me - I creatively chase Bertie bubb and it doesn't half lift my spirits. Now last night there really was nothing on and tonight we are trapped with the overflowing storylines from Enders.  Everyone is related to everyone else or divorcing them and Lucee's murderer is still amongst.  It is therefore a must see.  Tomorrow, daughter is landing and surely Owner's setting must go down a notch.  It will be food food, films food food sweets and then another film.  It is all good folks.  Now do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x

Wednesday, 14 January 2015

I am OK Wednesdee

Wonka here.  There is a therapy that Owner has talked of just before my tea time so I did listen up.  BASICALLY Wonka she lectured up at me it relies on me saying I AM ALRIGHT and you saying YES I AM ALRIGHT and it all carries on like that.  Is it, I goes up, transactional analysis? or something very very like it?  If it isn't she goes back, it wants to be.  We love it (so You love it!) x

We are OK para.  for a treat and seeing as how you are all so good out there in the Wold, Owner said I could have another of her illustrations from my Christmas Story.  They are all good but I am choosing the one of Bad Owner and Sheba....
 
There it is!  and I do hope you will read it all for yourself one day (it does not have to be Christmas.  AND it could cheer you up.  If you need cheering up) This dear folks is the very story with illustrations that Owner has submitted!  How exciting!  we await the decision of the good Editor or, as Owner is wont to say the rejection letter........I have tried good folks to inspire and say things like THEY MAY LIKE IT and YOU LIKE IT and other transactional analysis things.  or is that just another therapy that hasn't been invented yet....we love it. x
 
Final OK para.  today, Owner had a brring brrring phone call for work. All day.  First up was covering a maths lesson.  HOW DID IT GO? I asked up nicely just as my saucer of IAMS crept up on me.  It was a nightmare, she droned up.  OH YES I says back.  They were all talking and messing about, she continued.  I mean that sounded like a normal maths lesson to me but what do I know?  then, she reports, she had to help out this student who suddenly laid his head on the desk and says I AM STRESSED.  I could have told him about my life, moans Owner, AND HOW STRESSED I AM.   But it is alright, we are  saved and she won't be sacked as instead she spoke nicely and calmly and the student WAS OK.  Now we are all stocked up as Owner shopped in her lunch hour, when all others are putting their feet up and drinking tea  and moaning how hard their lives are, Owner is shopping for our essentials!!! I love her and she is OK.  now tonight we have a little tv to look forward to.  it is good Corrie x 1 and Michael the reformed robber with the pretend son has asked Gail to marry him.  all these proposals!  but then it is all over as there is NOTHING ON.  we are not watching Midsummer Murders.  As Owner likes to say if it was the last programme in the Wold we still would not watch it.  IT IS not OK.  Now do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  and be OK.  Big Love Wonka x


Tuesday, 13 January 2015

Tired Tuesdee

Wonka here.   the sleeping in thing is in full force.  5 MORE MINUTES zzzzzzzzzzzzzz OH! and so on.  is the nation sleeping in along with us?  perhaps it has spread abroad and all over the Wold people are rebelling against getting up.  Owner says if we lived (list) 1.  In a warmer clime, 2.  it was lighter 3. we had something wonderful to get up for 4.  same as 3. then we would leap out of our pits every morning shouting HURRAH TODAY!  instead we all three of us slumbered on..............

 
There we are all sleeping in past the good alarm......I am under the bed, Bertie is fast over at the other side ready to growl at me for nothing.  De Rien! as I like to say and Owner is up top.  yes we eventually rose to face the day.  But at the moment, we are dragging our feet. x
 
 
Final tired old para:  nobody wants me today moans Owner already making a mental list of what to do instead.  YES going to the shops was in it.  YES she trots back in with a top that would not suit her or anybody else we know.  I WILL HAVE TO RETURN IT she announced to me.  The only other excitement was the purchase of a roller blind.  And that was exciting for Ruggles because he was enjoying a snooze on his pilly in the kitchen (it being the order of the day) until the good blind man came to measure the good back door.  Owner had explained how nervous he was so they were all speaking in whispers but no matter!  As far as Rug knew they were plotting his demise! (good use of word, and for once I do sympathise with Rug.  I had to nip under the bed in case it was a lone Viking pretending to be a blind man.)  All I could hear was Owner saying YES, and YES HERE IS MY CARD.   What can I say?  In Owner's defence, she is going to fit the blind herself and not pay the astronomical (big word but needed) charge for someone clever to fit it.  I will be sure to rush under the bed for that one folks.  I love it.
 
Really tired final para.  Now tonight we must put up with more melodrama in Enders as evil Nick is revealed as the brakes cutter and not Fil.  Little Ben went mad and attacked a few cars with a crowbar but no one really noticed and even Shazzer did not offer up much sympathy. I  have not mentioned her chimney sweep son and I'm not going to.  Then we might cuddle up with Holbee City if we get past the actors that annoy Owner in it but seeing as that is nearly the entire cast I'm not sure.  Tomorrow is another day folks and who knows all our fortunes could change.  or not.  Now do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  big Love Wonka x

Monday, 12 January 2015

Cheer up Mundee

Wonka here.   All are on about January blues this and how to get over the blues that but me? thanks for asking, I am as happy as the day is long and we all know the days are short in January!  For a special extra special treat, we have this for you.
 

 
............it is an extract from Owner's Illustrated version of WONKA's CHRISTMAS STORY from Christmas 2013 - no one but no one has seen it yet.  WHY?  you all shout up.  Because dear reader stroke reader, it has been submitted to a good publishers and we STILL have not heard back from them.  You mean I have still not been rejected moans up Owner.  NO I did not bother to reply!!  And here we are, to cheer you all up.
 
 
There we are right at the beginning of the story.  It was told by me, and one of Owner's friends said why are there no pictures in it?!  well now there are.  We love it and a few others might do to.  IT IS MY DREAM to have them published drones Owner.  You may have to submit to another one then I says helpfully I thought.  When I looked round she was busy making a cup of tea and on about tomorrow.  Seize the day I said even more helpfully but she didn't hear me above the steam engine aka the kettle.  I rest my paws for now good folks, but do enjoy this little offering!! x
 
 
Final full of cheer para.  other news.  Owner slept in for a good three quarters of an hour before stirring.  Neither me nor Bertie Bubb made a move well why would we?  It was dark, and there was a shrill wind out there.  LOOK AT THE TIME she goes coming to.  Off she sped to the school and her one to one tuition that she will probably not be paid for.  I HAVE ASKED FOR MORE she tells me and we recall that someone else did that thank you Mr Dickens and did not see an immediate return.  But the wishing well has been treated and our faith is hugging it tight.  You'll see! says Owner to me all bright and positive.  now tonight we are resting up on my luxury bed aka the settee with Corrie X 2 and possibly Enders if it is on.  The sprog is still being roughly parented and foxy is still laying out in a hospital bed.  Alfi and Kat are still in it, the square, and we don't know why.  In Corrie Kirky is now hitched to thingy and Sally and Tim went as Dollar as it was an 80s themed do.  We have always loved Tim who is an ordinary non reading non writing failed parent who cleans windows and lives with snobbish Sally and now we love him more.  Now it might be dark and chill out there but cuddle up with the Wonka stories and you cannot fail to be cheered up!  Do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  Big Love wonka x

Sunday, 11 January 2015

Unity Sundee

Wonka here.  I had a dream.................
And in the dream, millions of folk around the Wold marched for the freedom to do so!  WHAT ELSE goes Owner was in it.  There was London Bridge lit up in blue and white and red, and the London Eye AND the National Portrait Gallery - all lit up!!  I've been there goes Owner.  WHICH ONE I says up?  ALL she says back.  Perhaps Wonka, she drones on (and I was listening as it was close on tea time) perhaps you have nodded off whilst the Unity Rally was on the good tv.  I thought I heard some French words here and there good folks and as you know, Owner and me, nous sommes HUGE fans of Paris which has been visited and adored.  OUI, je t'adore tourjours x (sorry for spelling x)

Unified para.  I mean we are still trying for unity in this household but try as I might, I cannot help looking at Bertie now and then, and giving him the odd chase.  Ruggles?  I think he loves the paw under the door game as much as me!!  When Owner finally stopped looking at dear Paris to give me some fodder and Bertie bubb (who was fast over and wouldn't have noticed.  I said.)  she mentioned something to look forward to.  WHAT? I said showing a lot of interest as I now want seconds.  it turns out daughter is coming through at the weekend and will be wanting food, sweets, films and then all over again as soon as she lands.  I MUST STOCK UP goes Owner making a list.  When she fell back in earlier on apr├Ęs le swimming (I checked she had not been horrid to any of the other swimmers and she said not. hmmm) she had spent a lot of £s on seemingly little. OH YES I needed that she kept saying.  NO it was not food.  I love it.  x

Final UNITY para.  last night we made it through The Voice yes.  There were a couple of singers to catch Owner's eye and one of those was a Scottish fireman yes.  We think he is called Stevie and we are very sorry if he isn't.  The other one used to be in a children's programme and he was a bear called Bungle.  DID He get through! you all shout up. NO!  Pity as me and Owner liked his rendition (oooeer) of mustang Sally.  Tonight there are bits and bobs and to round off our night is last Tango.  Thingy has fallen out with her new husband and his daughter is fighting off marriage proposals.  Thingy's daughter's new partner is pregnant and there may be a birth.  it sounds confusing and it is.  Now the good week is peeking at us it is not far away, so let us have a settled, calm one.  (The Wishing Well has been wished on) Do go steady out there in the Wold wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x


Saturday, 10 January 2015

Read Wonka Satdee!

Wonka here.  I have decided it is high time along with all else out there busy saying it is THIS DAY and it is THAT DAY to have my very own day for my trusty reader stroke readers on here!!  I am calling it READ WONKA Satdee.  and to start us off here is the next #wonka
 
This is Owner's fave cover of them all.  Me and my old mucker (friend.  sort of) Baba.  I LOVED HIM she goes to me, as if I did not know this!!  As ever, this tale can be found on www.smashwords.com under the title or just search under tag Wonka!  alongside the tales of me and Baba is of course the sorry life of Owner and how it was all shaking down.  I HAVE COME OUT THE OTHER SIDE she goes to me.  if she calls relying heavily on the bountiful credit card, the wishing well and zero hours contracts coming out the other side................I rest my paws and those of Bertie and Ruggles too!  I love it.
 
 
Final read #wonka satdee What about the poor back door!!  IT IS A NEW BACK DOOR now!  Owner reports it all went to plan whilst I was banished upstairs alongside Bertie bubb who knows no different as he is up there anyway.  All those anxiety attacks and worriment WHY OH WHY when all that has happened is the good handyman took the old door off and put the new door on.  yes there was a lot of tidying up and talk of a new blind.  I PUT THAT OTHER ONE IN THE BIN she shouts up all excited.  And, she has arranged for someone called Mike, yes, to call round and measure up for a new one.  COST?  I droned to her, but she was too busy telling daughter all about the new door to hear me.  Even Ruggles Tuggles has been able to sit outside the new door knowing it was the same way to gain entrance.  Marvellous.  So really, this has rounded off a rather up and down week.  Will Owner sleep tonight?  Like a babe.  Even Bertie growling at me just JUST for looking at him, will not wake her.  now tonight we are glued to the new series of The Voice.  the presenters are so good looking it is hard to take in.  Can people really look that good questions up Owner?  With make overs and money all is possible I goes back.  I am happy as I am Wonka she sings up.  Yes, it is a good day and Owner is a happy bunny.  I do hope good folks out there in the Wold all on your weekend, you are all happy too.  so, do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  je t'adore! big Love Wonka x

Friday, 9 January 2015

Finally Fridee

Wonka here.  Yes somehow we have reached the end of this intense week (Owner said it has been and I not disagreeing. would I!).  Wonka she reports up to me when she trundles back in after her day's slogging, I AM SO GLAD TO BE HOME.  It turns out she has been doing some one to one work and that was in tents.....NO WONKA I said intense.  OH sorry Owner!!  I did have a nice picture of Owner sitting in a wigwam helping out a student.  Yes I did imagine a bit of smoke coming out the top too.  And that's just from Owner!  Only joking!  I love it.

Finally end of week para.   Now yesterdee we had to celebrate our love for the humble cartoon and how it is the best way in the wold to tell your story.  Today we are showing another one, all about the terrible wrench of returning to the wicked Wold of Work. 
 
There she is!  Brave Owner ready to get back to it!  and save us from certain poverty again....she had her big pink bag yes the one that someone scribbled on in black biro (I mean) and her pack up.  Will it all turn out you wonder up between that agency and the new one and all her wishes in that wishing well?  Today, Owner says she was tutoring about the double use of the apostrophe.  How useful is that!!  but will it keep the wolf from the door I ventured up?  And that's Owner's door not the wolf's door.....you see I know where to put that little ''''''.  I love it. x
 
Final finally fridee para.  here we are revving up for the nxt singing marathon and it is the Voice dear folks out there all thinking what could possibly be on in the funny old month of January.  and it is the Voice.  They all sit in giant chairs with their backs to the good (or in some cases says Owner bad) singers and when they hear something they like they go BBBBUUUUZZZZZZZ on their red buttons and turn round.  we haven't got a fave judge but Mr Willy E Am is alright.  he is a bit OUT THERE goes Owner and I says well you should know but I don't think she heard me above seeing to Ruggles in the  kitchen.  Bertie Bubb stepped down briefly for some fodder and to use the facilities before racing back up stairs.  He has a new middle name and it is Growler.  Tonight we are transfixed by Corrie x 2 and Enders times one.  Enders has taken us down many a winding turn with murderers still on the run or perhaps walking! Fil has been arrested and for once he didn't do it. and foxy is still in a coma.  as Owner says, no change there then....(I know).  As for Corrie it is the good wedding of Kirky and thingy and her relations have said mean things about him.  We cannot wait.  Now do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x
 


Thursday, 8 January 2015

Cartoon Thursdee

Wonka here.  This dear folks out there all enjoying (we hope) a day free from stress (yes Owner is on a scale of one to ten around 7) free from dark depths (Owner has brightened a tad.  scale you all shriek up?  say around 5 and a half) is a small offering and tribute to all of you out there in the Wold who love your cartoons.  We love our cartoons and as you know Owner coughs up a few here and there,  This is a special one though (she droned to me this morn) and she goes WE NEED TO CHEER UP Wonka!  And seeing as it was near to my seconds (for breakfast) I gave her a lot of support.  (by not scratching her for nothing, not looking at Bertie which was easy as he wasn't there and just generally standing by like a good cat should.)x
 
There we are!  Owner droned to me how much she loves this art form  OH YES I goes back, it is one of the oldest forms of communication she kept on with........I went into a slight dream imagining those pesky Vikings, stopping off between a quick pillage here and a you know what there, to do a little cartoon on the nearest dwelling.....zzzzzzzzzzzzz  SORRY Owner!  and then those pesky Egyptians they knew a thing or two about pictures and stories and such like.  ARE YOU AWAKE Wonka! she goes to me a bit later on.  I AM NOW I goes back.  I love it.
 
 
Freshly cartooned up para.  why has Owner brightened up you all wonder up?  Owner is never more miserable than when she has a problem and cannot see a solution!!  does she ask me for advice?  NO! does she mumble prayers and toss small silver coins into the wishing well??  YES SIREE!!  and then she waits for the answer to pop into her head.  DOES IT WORK though you all shout at me as if I am deaf.  The funny thing is it does work, and today did she swing into action with a phone call here and another one there.  I FEEL BETTER now she goes up to me and I think the choc covered macaroon had something to do with that.  just saying.  The other thing that sends Owner into a terrible time is that all important dental check up!  When she fell back in with more supplies for us and a new radio for aged sibling (he goes through them like we go through toothbrushes.  yes) she says she nearly walked out but managed not to, and the nice dentist says ALL IS OK....so she must celebrate with a sweet followed by more.  I ask you.  Me?  thanks for asking I am fine and dandy and ready for a double dose of Enders with wicked wickery Nickery stealing the sprog which is his grandson poor mite!  just the sort of melodrama we need to take our minds off our own!!  Now do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x

Wednesday, 7 January 2015

Dark day Wednesdee

Wonka here.  It has happened.  WHAT? you all wonder up, waking up from your snoozes and such.  The JANUARY BLUES that is what has settled on Owner.  So instead of
Owner wandering round the house going (quote) What is happening Wonka, NOTHING is happening that's what's happning, no instead of that annoying saying THE BLUES are here.  NO I didn't let them in.  As soon as I get a miniscule baby whiff of the Blues I say OUT WITH YOU.  and NOT TODAY THANKS. but folks, they crept on in without me noticing up.  I ask you. x

Fresh darkish para:  without any more talk of the blues for the minute let us look at Owner's illustrated cover numero quatre!!
 
There we are!!  the fourth #wonka story and now Baba has joined the household whether I liked it or not.  (what am I like!!) there is more in this story for Owner to tell about her trials and tribs and of course, there is more about me.  Oh and a little about Baba.  I promise you one thing dear folks out there needing a big spirits lift, then this is the story for you.  We love it. x
 
 
Back to black para.  What is the point Owner moans up, of anything.  Now here is an open question to end all open questions.  I pondered up and was just about to reply with an intelligent and considered answer it being right on teatime and all when she changed tack!  And the answer is:  when all around you is dark and gloom ridden you must HAVE YOUR HAIR DONE.... yes Owner is back to glamorous city all blonde and frothy.  if you cannot get your hair done at such short notice then treat yourself to a non essential purchase.  I cannot believe I just said that!!!  and failing all of that you could always make yourself a fish finger sandwich.  IT'S LOVELY she drooled at me!  so all in all just a few tips there folks to beat those blues to a pulp!  so once we have watched Corrie X 1 and the further demise of dear Steve from laughter to tears, the wedding of thingy to Kirk it may well be up those stairs.  Rug who was temporarily scared by Owners foils (in her hair.  end of) and scraped furiously (OOH) at the poor back door (don't mention that now) to run away, is now back sound as a pound and Bertie bubb is snug as a bug in the Land of Wardrobe.  All dysfunctional and proud of it says Owner laughing albeit (I like this word and may use again) a mite hysterically.  Now do go steady out there in the Wold folks wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x

Tuesday, 6 January 2015

Resolution Started Tuesdee!

Wonka here.  First off I must apologise to Owner, to Bertie and to Rug and anyone else what knows me.  WHY WONKA? you all shout up in alarment.  According to Owner I am (quote) NOT the only cat in the household (I thought I was,,,) NOT to keep looking at Bertie last thing at night just as she is settling down with a good book (Owner.  Stephen King.  I know) and NOT to repeat that action all over again exciting Bertie and making him growl and making her jump a mile. (alright perhaps I did do that last one.  I was just checking it really was him on the bed and not a Viking imposter. I know.  if it had been a Viking imposter it would have jumped out at me instead of sleeping peacefully on a pilly case.) THAT'S IT! shouted Owner or at least I think that's what she said as I was downstairs burrowing deep into the luxury carpet under the table by then...)  I love it!

Fresh resolved para.  Owner has put into motion folks, her resolution to do better and be valued more.  She has only gone and registered with another pesky agency albeit an agency that was nice, liked her, and may pay her more £s to do what she is doing now.  AND might have the job of her dreams.  I LIKE THE SOUND OF THAT I says more or less as soon as she reports up.  it means our journey away from poverty stricken to alright stricken could actually happen this year!  It is all to play for Wonka, she drones up and of course I was showing lots of interest as (list) 1.  my luxury tray needed a deep cleaning and 2.  it was bordering on tea time.  And after the registration she only went visiting and had a good day out.  JUST WHAT YOU NEEDED Owner I ventured, trying to show also what a kind-natured person I am behind this scratchy chasey persona.  (get me. or get Carl Jung!!)  I love it.

Cover ridden para!!  here we are, with the third cover in the #wonka series - in this one Owner loses out in more ways than one but of course I am there to keep her going!
There he is! beloved Golly.  he was my mentor and I miss him.  Hankies away!! do go to www.smashwords.com and find the third story in the #wonka series as ....you will love it. x

Resolution para finale.  last night Owner went on a wobbly.  WHAT IS THAT you all wonder up?  It was a combination of back door anxiety plus general worriment about the future.  Corrie X 2 didn't help as that was a bit gloomy what with Steve on his spiral into depression and NO ONE understands.  I mean I understand when Owner needs cheering up and I did say what about eating all the rest of the toffee popcorn, and funnily enough she took me up on that!  Tonight we must be glued to Enders as that pesky murderer is still out there and that funny woman, the liaison officer who cuddled up to Max has breathed her last! and she KNEW who it was. (who killed Lucee )(I know).  and then we can watch nice Holbee City where all the doctors are raving and crazed.  home from home I whispered up from the other side of the kitchen door.  I haven't mentioned the poor back door again and I'm not going to.  Now do go steady out there in the Wold good folks wherever you are in it.  Big Love Wonka x